To Crash and Flow

This hands clasping my waist was something I never tiered of. regardless of his sheltered upbringing his fingers were surprisingly strong. It was just as well, the tighter he held and trusted, the more the pain inside me turned to please. It was a dance I had grown accustomed to, thanks to him, and the many others before him. For a time now I had allowed myself a chance to completely loose myself in this extacy. Knowing my body was merely on loan, and that at any moment I could cease to exist only emboldened me to abuse it. After all, life was short and disaster- unpredictable.


He clasped the whole of my hair into his fist and his trusts became more violent. he was close, and I was ready to receive him.

"Fuck me" I said. Without shame.

I had lost that a long time ago.

He bit the back of my neck, and with that a fire ripped through my chest, unloading all of my energy in one visceral bodily function. The sheets were wet, but he was not nearly done.

He continued for quite a while, and I allowed him, after all he had given me what I wanted. Who was I to deny his pleasure? Who was I to deny anyone anything?


I had been in this world for a short while, in many ways I was still learning in ways it behaved, with all its subtleties and incongruencies. Yes, I knew this world had many rules, many of them unknown to me, save for one which was perfectly clear. I was no one. I had no warm memories of a childhood to retreat to, no family for me to follow to the future, no friends in the present, and definitely no visible end.

My true birth was in a forest floor, naked, and without shred of human thought. Through the kindness of strangers I was able to find a footing in the world, as I searched for answers to my past. Though what I uncovered was unlike anything I was expecting. A diety was destroyed, leaving behind the vessel of his body, and somehow I awoke within it, meant to care for it until the moment its sprit would reclaim it. What would happen to me then, I did not know.

Death is a relative thing I suppose.

He, however, was Life.

Vern, finished, and at some point had collapsed beside me. Even as a the pile of exhausted flesh he had become he was the embodiment of beauty. Though his features were definitely elven, he had a quality to him that stood out from the wiry and slender features of his kind. his hair was dark, thick eyebrows, and square chin. Here is when I mention the beautiful shade of his eyes, but to be perfectly honest I struggle to remember.Though I have no doubt they were a pair of jewels in his face.

I enjoyed watching him that night as he succumbed to sleep. Yes he was handsome, and often I avoid qualifying people on their appearance. But for once I was proud to have conquered someone like him, not only beautiful, but rich.

Perhaps I had lost my dignity instead?

Eldris' face was an unpleasant one to wake to. every morning he would come to our chamber, open the drapes and carry on with whatever it was he did around the mannor. An an assuming man and with features rather forgettable, Eldris was a thorn at my side since the day I arrived to Vern's small estate. By all practical manners he was the was the real owner of the property, he knew the rooms, had the keys to all of them, and made sure to be acquainted with all the unsees corridors and secrets of the place. He'd likely cared for the estate all his life, I wouldnt be surprised if he had been born there. His devotion to keepting the statue quo within those walls could only have been matched by his hate towards me for upsetting it.

"I'm starting to wonder if you've ever cared for kind requests" I said to Eldris as he worked his way through the clothing on the floor. He often did that just after opening the windows to let light in, regardless of the time of day or our dispossition.

"Pardon, Mister?" Eldris said without really regarding me in any honest way, he merely continued his menial work.

"It must be the third time I've asked you to please, kindly, not bother us in the morning" I had sat up in the bed at that point, Vern remained asleep as he often did, nothing really disturbed his slumber once he was in it.

"You have," said Eldris, collecting Vern's coat into his arm, and tossing mine on the dressing table, "there is plenty to do around here," he paused for a moment, still making every effort to meet my gaze, "unfortunatelly I can only take orders from the young master. He doesn't seem to mind all that much."

"That is why its a request, a kind one at that."

"Yes, I will consider it"

"As you say you have, two times before"

"And I have considered it. I merely chose to ignore it."

"Lovely." defeated I plopped back into my pillow. Eldris was definitely a lost cause, he had decided since he saw me that he would make sure my life here would be as uncomfortable as possible, and I don't blame him. There was much to resent me for. Surely It was uncomfortable to see someone he'd been protecting since childhood lie with someone like me. Eldris was no prude, he knew what the young elves got to in segreated schools, he probably had had his fare share of experiences with other boys in his day. What was really shocking was to see his young master waste his time and talent with someone he considered to be even beneath himself; a stray from some far off land whose probably whored his way through the continent to find someone to exploit.

He probably thought my cast to be beneath his, thought honestly worrying about the thoughts of a servant were beneath me.

I would have slit his throat a long time ago if it wasn't for Vern and keeping up appearances. He was an inportant piece of the puzzle, and for now I would have to play along with his servants petty games of passive aggression.