-
The battle was not going well. Nearly half of Vice’s western forces had fallen. The rogue band of demons led by Commander Dhekthos had encountered a legion of strange feline creatures, effectively halting their assault. Most of the other demons were busy protecting the mages as they casted their spells. Like in a game of Battleship, as time went on it was easier for Vice’s mages to target specific enemies. They expanded their repertoire, firing all sorts of dark elements at their foes. All the same, the chants associated with casting such magic also made it easier for Cipher Nex to target them as well. Mages fell consistently in the following minutes.
Then things became much worse. Every warrior that fell—whether it once was loyal to Cipher Nex or Vice—reanimated and started attacking Dhekthos’ soldiers. Dark forces were at work somewhere nearby, but no soldier of Vice had the ability to seek out source of such power. It seemed like all was lost for the demons and the mages, until a lone figure appeared at the edge of the battlefield. Like a holy light in the midst of the war, the undead were suddenly attracted to him. Logan McCloud did not move. He still carried the look of a crazed man on his face.
When the first undead mage reached him, it lashed out at his chest. In one fluid movement, Logan ducked down and grabbed the mage. The telepath lifted it by its neck and sent it flying against a nearby tree where it fell lifeless once more. Then an undead demon came at Logan with a sword. He parried the attack and stole his attacker’s weapon. Without turning, Logan slammed the sword into the demon’s stomach, where fell silent. The mage he’d just tossed had become reanimated continuing its quest for Logan’s blood. When the telepath saw the mage, he pulled the sword from the demon’s stomach and used it to behead the mage. “Who’s next?” he yelled into the field.
Despite his show, Logan cared very little for Vice’s army. He had travelled to Dhekthos’ troops for one reason: to murder that egotistical whelp, Ciaphus. Though the warrior had done an excellent job masking his mind, Logan knew that the more chaos he caused the more likely it was for Cipher Nex’s lieutenant to come. The telepath began walking to his mages. Apparently the rest of the enemy took notice of his appearance because suddenly arrows of all sorts started flying towards him. None hit, though. In his twisted state of mind, Logan could see them all before they were released.
Once he was in the ‘center’ of the chaos, Logan stopped and looked around. “Where are you, lackey,” he called out into the darkness. When he received no response, the telepath became angry. He was so angry, in fact, that he called upon his darkest tactic. It was something he rarely used before because it was so taxing on his body, but this magic had made him stronger. No, not stronger. The magic had made him invincible. In the next moment Logan targeted his enemies and pushed with his mind. It was hard to focus on the hundreds of enemies in the area, but he tried to find them all, causing him to fall to his knees. The resulting force would throw them backward, disrupting their attacks and their spells. This is what it would take for Ciaphus to appear.
At the same time Logan unleashed his attack, hundreds more demons and mages arrived at the battlefield. They moved like ghosts, striking at anything dark hidden in the forest. The demon scout had reached Phagan De’Bron, and the disgraced monk and his companions had unleashed their fury upon the battlefield. These additional soldiers were merely illusions. They could not be harmed, nor could they harm any enemy on the field. Instead the illusions worked in harmony with the living soldiers. Rejuvenated by their shadows, and by the appearance of Logan, Vice started fighting back. It would be hard for Cipher Nex to decide what was real, and what was an illusion.
((A note on Logan’s ability: the push would not affect all of the enemies, but rather only those within a 50 foot radius of where he stood. Its effect would be stronger closer to the epicenter. I suspect, based on your placing of the necromancers that they would be safe from the attack and could continue with their reanimation efforts))
-
You guys will probably notice that you marked up pretty well together side by side, and I think this was a great matchup for both of you. The breaks in either direction really came in only a few categories where one of you would shine just a little brighter than the other.
It's a pity you couldn't have duked it out over the Championship, rather than the first round, but it's more of a pity that the fight didn't get to end.
--- Now on to the judgement! ---
Christoph / Dirks
Continuity: 6 / 6
The lack of an ending was really the only thing holding either of you back here. You both did a little to justify your armies being where they were, rather than just plop them on the battlefield and start swinging, and that was a nice touch.
Setting: 7 / 6
Christoph, I felt you did really well here. You did a very nice job building the reader's image of the setting in the beginning, and then you continued throughout by providing enough detail to keep the picture alive without overcrowding it with meaningless details. Dirks, you were also fairly good in this category, and your characters utilized the settings around them well. The only thing is that I felt you could have used a little more detail, but not so much that you fell way behind here.
Pacing: 6 / 6
The pacing here was pretty good, despite the thread not reaching a conclusion on time. The psuedo-political manuevering in the beginning was well done and interesting without taking up 10 posts on it's own, and you guys got right into the thick of it quickly after that. I gave you equal scores here because it seemed like the two of you were working together to progress the thread along smoothly.
---
Persona: 7 / 6
I got a better feel here for Christoph's cast than I did for Dirks. The key characters with cN felt a little more polished and rounded than the bits of pieces I got of the Vice members. I got a pretty heaping portion of uber-Logan, but enough so that it felt a little detrimental to the cast as a whole, especially in regard to the famed Max Dirks. I understood that Logan and Drax were supposed to be taking the lead while Dirks just kind of plotted it out, but Dirk's came off a little more like an absent general than a desk general. Who knows, it could be that Dirk's and some of the others were meant to play a larger role later in the thread, but we didn't make it that far.
Action: 7 / 8
The action was good. The battle heated up nice and quickly, but not before you guys slipped in a little bit of politics and pre-battle manuevering. Well done.
Dialogue: 5 / 6
Most of the dialogue here was pretty average. Nothing overly special, but nothing overly bad either. Just people talking, but not really getting the reader engaged with their words. Advantage Dirks, if only because Christoph's dialogue was a little harder to follow in some places.
---
Technique: 7 / 6
There was a little more use of flair on Christoph's side, without overly complicating everything. Reading through the thread, I felt like Dirk's sacrificed a little for the sake of a certain level of brevity, but both of you had some nice touches.
Mechanics: 8.5 / 9
It's obvious that both of you know what you're doing here. Slight advantage Dirks, but only because Christoph had a few more typos and missing words.
Clarity: 8 / 8
Solid work here. Both of you did equally good jobs with presenting the reader enough information to know what was going on without swamping them with details. There is a fine balance between describing a battle and describing a battle, and that balance was achieved here.
Wild Card: 9 / 9
I loved how this battle was going. I really wish it could have gone the distance, but you both deserve equal marks for putting together the better half of an impressive thread.
Totals: 70.5 / 70
Hot damn that's a close one!
Christoph recieves 2500 EXP and 275 GP
Max Dirks recieves 675 EXP and 100 GP
To Christoph and Cipher Nex go the spoils of victory, but those spoils are definitely hard won!
-
