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As Epsilon’s beam shot through the air, Xaul was moving quickly through the branches of the canopy to a position over the slight woman. He almost ahead of her, following and waiting for an opportunity, when the strange metal man blasted through the canopy, shattering several branches as he plowed through them. His jets finished the job, igniting more of the forest. The flames quickly died thanks to the intense moisture content of the air, but it was enough to weaken more of the canopy. Xaul barely had time to jump before the wide branch that he had crouched on began to drop with an oppressively loud, slow creaking and cracking.
The rest of the way down was especially painful. Xaul, having not been prepared for the jump, had not aimed properly, and hit several trees and vines as he dropped. Every impact drove the wind out of him, catching at his arms and legs and sending him spinning and flipping randomly through the air. Expletives from several different languages flew from Xaul’s mouth as he hit the ground fifty yards behind Madison with a sickening crunch.
His vision blurred, Xaul tried in vain to rise, to stand and face his enemy, but he could not. None of his limbs felt broken, but he might as well have broken his spine. Nothing would work. Warm sickly sweet liquid dribbled into his mouth, and Xaul noted with a detached air that he had broken his nose. Gritting his teeth, he wrenched himself onto his back and stared at the sky, panting at the effort and pain. Dislocated shoulder, too.
What in the hell are you doing, weakling? Get up, growled Resheph. She will kill you. Shit, you’ll die yourself with no help. Let me in. Release me, if only for a little while. I’ll get you moving.
Xaul chuckled weakly, the pitiful sound turning into a wet cough. Blood bubbled out of his mouth, and he turned his head to let it trickle onto the ground. Broken ribs, too. Pierced lung. You’re not getting me up, Resh–
“Daddy?” A small, slight girl of six crouched down into Xaul’s vision. “Daddy, what are you doing? This is a weird game, daddy.”
Xaul gasped at the sight of his daughter. His fingers twitched as he tried to touch her, to hold her close, but his arms refused to move. “Eaute,” Xaul breathed, tears running down his cheeks at she faded away, her quiet face fixing itself in his memory.
See? You’re hallucinating. Let me in.
“No. I die, you die.”
You don’t have to die, Xaul. Let me in.
“No, Resheph.” Xaul coughed again, more blood welling from his mouth.
Let. Me. IN! With each word, Resheph railed against the mental cage that held him, opening the slightest of cracks. It was enough. The bloody god flowed into Xaul and gained a tenuous hold on him. Xaul, his Kounnar activated by Resheph’s influence, rose unsteadily, his left arm hanging uselessly against his side. As Resheph strengthened his grip, Xaul’s tattoos began to show themselves, the red sigils glowing through the blood that was spattered over his clothes.
Epsilon, said Resheph, broadcasting his thoughts throughout the area. This is Resheph. Don’t worry about me taking you over; Xaul’s dying, and it’s taking all I’ve got to keep him moving. He lost his katars in the fall, and I need a weapon. Get me a polearm, a bill. Finishing, Resheph threw all his power into keeping Xaul alive.
Xaul stumbled over to a tree and collapsed against it, giggling weakly as blood dripped from his lips. Madness gripped him now, and he would do his level best to kill anything that moved before he died.
-
Epsilon was moving instantly. If he was to gain any advantage from his surprise attack, he had to act fast. As cooling fins sprang from the top of the energy pistol, the Esper slapped the weapon back onto his hip and threw himself out of his cover. With a psionic thrust downwards, he nearly flew out of the concealing plants in a splash of dew. He turned a quick flip in midair to reorient himself, and landed a good five yards beyond his initial position, facing down the enemy he had fired upon.
A powered exosuit? No wonder his mind was blurred, thought the Esper in surprise. Also no wonder that he seemed relatively undamaged. There was a large scorch mark along the mecha's left leg where the armor was seared, the damage seemed minimal. Dammit, that should have taken his leg off! Has Sentinel's power lessened for this Tournament? He hadn't noticed a change in the weapon when he examined it prior to the match...perhaps its power had been suppressed since he first entered the Garden!
No matter the state of his weapon, Epsilon was given no further time to ponder. The mech pilot made a rather unnecessary announcement, Yes, I'm sure you do see me. That would be expected, now that I've shot you and attacked openly, before crouching and launching himself into the air. Flames roared from the mech's boots, scorching the forest floor and sending an intense wave of heat washing over the Esper. Sweat now dripped constantly beneath Epsilon's mask, gathering in beads along its lower rim. He ignored it as the mecha rocketed into the canopy.
An airborne attack. So simplistic. Does he really expect that to work? Epsilon's lip curled in a smirk beneath the cool metal mask. Dodging would be a simple matter, once the pilot began to fall he would be unable to adjust his aim and the Esper would have no trouble disabling him. So as the mecha exited the canopy with a roar of exhaust and the cracking of branches, Epsilon took off across the scorched clearing, heading toward the woman and Xaul. He planned to be behind the mech when it landed, which would be the prime position to attack the vulnerable joints.
That plan fell apart immediately when a blast of emotion slammed into Epsilon's mental walls. Fear, surprise, and pain, pain, PAIN like the Esper had rarely felt, and it was coming from Xaul. Epsilon locked onto his partner's mind just in time to see his ally's limp body crash to the forest floor. Agony rippled across their mental bond, and the shock of it nearly made him stagger. Entirely disregarding the mecha now, he flashed through the underbrush towards his friend.
"XAUL!!" The cry tore its way from his throat as he leapt and landed by his fallen partner. He crouched at the dusky-skinned man's side as bright blood bubbled from between the man's lips. "No, I swore that this wouldn't happen...No, dammit, get up!" Xaul gasped and twitched his arms, murmuring a word, a name, that Epsilon couldn't understand. "I won't let you die, Xaul! Get up!" For so many years, Epsilon had been alone. His only interaction was with the scientists who used him for a research subject. Now, when he broken free of that damned existence, when he had finally found an ally and a friend, that friend was dying. Dying, and Epsilon could do nothing. A cold rage flooded him, and he cursed himself for lacking the training to use his mental powers for healing. But then, Xaul got up.
Epsilon jumped to his feet as Xaul laboriously dragged himself standing. Epsilon drew in a sharp breath as the Kounnar blazed, the sigils shifting almost as if they themselves were moving Xaul. The Kounnar...moving Xaul...Resheph! he hissed as he made the connection. It was confirmed an instant later when the bloody god's voice echoed down their connection. Epsilon slammed his mental walls shut, but he heard the god's foul voice anyways. It sounded abhorrent, like the moans of a gut-shot soldier mixed with the laughter of a rapist. But Epsilon knew what the god was trying to do. Resheph's mission was now the same as his own: keep Xaul alive.
How ironic that he has become our anchor, thought the Esper. "Here, Resheph. Keep him safe." He called on his power, shaping the energy within him. A spark of silver blazed in his outstretched palm, and flowed outwards in both directions, forming a long stave. A final flash on one end solidified the hooked blade of the bill, and Epsilon tossed the now-solid weapon to Resheph. Now, able to do nothing more than have faith in the god (the irony struck him again), he turned back towards the blast zone and called his power to face the falling mech.
-
As he descended back through the jungle canopy, causing another hail of twigs and tree branches, Nikolai watched in amazement at the speed his opponent had. Granted that this was one of the more obvious moves, and was more easily avoided. The clanner twisted mid air, and scanned for his enemies once it became known that his target was no longer at the spot where he would land.
"Freebirth!" the battle armoured warrior cursed to himself, silently chiding his lack of tactics. Because of this, he didn't remember that he was in mid air, and how close to the ground he actually was. The clan warrior failed to prepare himself for landing. The battle armour, coming down faster that it went up, hit the surface of a large sized pool of stagnant water and mud, nearly emptying the entire contents of the pool into the surrounding jungle before embedding the battleclaw in the mud about two and a half feet up Nikolai's arm. "Oof" was the only thing that came out of Nikolai's mouth as he landed on his face, and blacked out momentarily. What Nikolai did not notice was the fact that the water from the pool flowing back into it.
A few moments later, Nikolai awoke, his battle armour's faceplate covered in mud. Cautiously he stood up, causing water and loose mud to slough off the curved Ferro Fibrous armour. There was a little resistance from his left hand, which had ended up embedded in the mud, attempted to wipe the mud off his faceplate. Failing that, he took a few cautious steps, and found a tree, although not through conventional means. Nikolai finally managed to scrape away enough mud so that he could see by using the barrel of his flamethrower on the end of his right arm. "Dezgra, Chalcas, Stupid, FREEBIRTH Techs," Nikolai shouted once he was able to see, "Remind me to beat them when I get back to the Home Worlds. They should have forseen something like this!"
Finally able to see, he spots the gunman, who looks around forty meters away, about twice the distance between himself and the blast area. He started moving toward the gunman, starting to move faster with each step. When he reached the blast area, a pair of missiles streak out from the packs that are above his shoulders, all the while continuing his headlong charge into the gunman.
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Round two is over! Thank you for participating! A judge will attend to your thread shortly.
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Tvier Valka Seula versus Bang, Whoosh, Slice, Death
(TwinDeath/Exspherius versus Gordie/BlackandBlueEyes)
As I hate using colors to differentiate between groups, T.V.S.'s scores and comments will come first in the categories and B.W.S.D.'s will come second. Please keep in mind these are averaged-out scores between the players on each team.
STORY
(21.5, 19)/30
Storytelling (out of 5): 4, 3
- TD and Expherius, you both did a good job of incoporating your character's stories from beyond the tournament itself into the battle, and I greatly enjoyed reading about TD's fallen family and past without having to go back and go through his profile or past threads in order to understand. Everything made clear and perfect sense, although I would've liked more as to the tournament itself and whatnot. Just a bit more detail and such as to the god trapped within Xaul and/or Ex's experiments upon him and how, or if, those brought the two together would have probably earned you a 4.5 or a 5. The thing I liked most, however, is that your storylines were present even within the battle itself; it didn't stop once the fighting began. Bravo.
- BaBE and Gordie, you both gave me background as to the tournament itself, but none or very little within the broader spectrum of your storylines. I had to guess at things often from your character's inner and outer dialogue, things that I probably could have found within your profiles if I looked; I shouldn't have to, however. It wasn't bad, but simply put, average.
Setting (out of 10): 7.5, 6
- TD and Ex, I must say that your usage of the setting astounded me at times. In the beginning you both provided descriptions that felt real and immersed me within the reading, and a description that you took advantage of. There were times in your posts where that setting died away slightly, but I still had the basic feel and image in my head that never went away. Plus that fall at the end, involving the trees and branches and the weakened limbs, was a perfect example of using the setting in your writing with your characters.
-Most of the setting here was handled by BaBE, I felt. His writing was the only one of the two that gave me a feel as to just how messy and abysmal the arena was. It was excellent at times, definitely above average writing there. Gordie, I felt that even though you tried incorporating the setting into your writing, it was more of how your character affected it rather the other way around; a rather self-centered view considering the many dangers and problems in the arena, even (and especially) to a metal-suited man such as your character. There were some points where you noted that, but not enough where there should have been.
Pacing (out of 15): 10, 9
- This was pretty solid. Both your writings pretty much matched pace, but your surprise "ending" of sorts with Xaul falling out of the tree and damn near killing himself was good; left me wondering as what would happen next with expectation. I was disappointed when I saw that the thread was closed, as Reseph's sudden involvement only promised to make things more interesting.
- This was alright, but I got more of that PBP (post-by-post) feeling from both of you than I did from your opponents. Again, BaBE gave me less of that sense than you did, Gordie, which boosted your score into the "solid" range. His first-person way of writing gave me less of a spectator's view and more of a feel that I was in the cockpit of the character, which was incentive enough on its own to push me along.
CHARACTER
(21.5, 23)/35
Dialogue (out of 10): 6 for both.
-NOTES FOR BOTH TEAMS: I got a general feel of your characters through their dialogue with one another, but on neither side was there anything that was notably impressive. I felt Reseph's was a bit long winded at times and odd, especially coming from a god, and Gordie's faults were actually noted by other characters from time to time: "I have found a gunman", for example. There was more of a "lack of bad" here than anything.
Action (out of 15): 8, 11
- Nothing out of place here, but nothing particularly special either. There were a couple points, such as near the end, where the action was getting better and more and more involved, but otherwise I got more from your stories and personalities than anything.
- It was in this category that you two shone. I got more out of Gordie's personality from his actions than anything, from the way he broke through the trees and just wrecking anything in his path. BaBE's added irritations and complaints were more and more apparent in his actions as the thread went on, his impatience almost tangible from the scratching and itching and searching. I was disappointed when I saw he didn't get to post.
Persona (out of 10): 7.5, 6
- Your characters were both likeable and believable throughout the thread, although Reseph had me tilting my head a couple times. I got his general persona, however, so it managed to fit in with everything else. A little more on the loss that Ex felt or Xaul's pain at seeing his child would have brought you up higher, but I gave you an extra halfpoint for what WAS there.
- Gordie's persona felt very bland at times and I could often predict what was going to happen from it. While his actions and dialogue made his better-than-thou attitude apparent, I felt it could be expanded upon. BaBE, same with yours; it was there, but could've easily been expanded upon. I only had two of your posts to work with, so I cut a bit of slack there.
WRITING STYLE
(20, 18)/30
Technique (out of 10): 6 for both.
- Don't have much to say here; it was understandable and fine to read, but nothing special. There were points where the writing flowed really well, but they were few and far between. Sometimes the "inner thoughts" broke up the flow in the writing, even if not the pacing.
- Same notes as above, plus these: Gordie, in your last posted you switched writing techniques midpost, going from "moved" to "moves", if you catch my drift. This was irritating to read upon. However, you still earned a six from BaBE's excellent use of first person writing to draw the reader in.
Mechanics (out of 10): 8, 6
- A couple spots where a colon or semicolon would have been more appropriate, but nothing really that a quick once over couldn't find. Your sentences were neither too long nor too short, as I've commonly found before, so that was good.
- There weren't that many spots from you BaBE, but I found several grammatical errors with Gordie. There were several spots where you misspelled things and where you put a comma instead of a period; things like that. Also, be careful of fragments and run-on sentences as I noted above; they're easy to make and hard to find at times.
Clarity (out of 10): 6 for both.
- NOTES FOR BOTH TEAMS: Mostly it was the lack of information in one way or another that caused this "average" score. For BaBE and Gordie, it was the lack of info in their back stories or equipment; for TD and EX, it was past experiences in the tournament and some spots where an ability was activated, for example. In either case, both teams pretty much got the same score here.
WILDCARD
(4, 3)/5
Final Scores:
Tvier Valka Seula: 67
Bang, Whoosh, Slice, Death: 63
Team Tvier Valka Seula is the winner and moves on to the next round!
TwinDeath and Exspherius gain 550 EXP and 200 gold pieces.
Gordie gains 100 EXP and 75 gold pieces, BlackandBlueEyes gains 250 EXP and 50 gold pieces.
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Exp and GP added!
Both members of Tvier Valka Seula are level 1!
