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Thread: The Lambs Fight Back

  1. #11
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    Cain laughed there was a small victory he had seen "They will never do it my friend!" he yelled over the vast stretch of ocean separating the Marlin from the Peregrine. Then in much less excitable tone "They did not send up double preventer stays half an hour ago. They can not carry royals in this kind of wind." But he touched a belaying pin as he said this: royals or no, the situation was quite tricky. The Marlin was moving faster than he had expected, and the Dolly, whose earlier mistake had set her well to leeward, was nearer that Cain could wish. The Marlin and the Dolly were the danger; he had no chance at all against the Marlin, very little against the Dolly, and both these ships were fast trying to intercept the Peregrine. Each came on surrounded by an invisible ring two miles and more in diameter the range of their powerful guns. The Peregrine had to keep well out of these rings, above all out of the area where they would soon overlap: and the lane was closing fast.

    Cain considered the Peregrines trim: it was possible that he was pressing her down a bit in the aft. that there was a little too much canvas aboard, driving her by force rather than by grace. "Haul up the weather skirt of the main course" Cain said. Just so: there was a distinctly sweeter motion after it was hauled up. His beautiful Peregrine had always loved her headsails, "Mr. Agon, jump forward and tell me weather the spritsail will stand."

    "I doubt it sir" Replied Mr. Agon coming aft. "She already is throwing a mighty bow wave."

    Cain nodded: he had thought as much "Sprit topsail then" he said and thank Goodness for a strong royal mast that would take the strain. How beautifully she answered. You could ask any thing of the Peregrine. Yet still the lane was narrow enough, in all conscience the Marlin was crowding sail, and the Peregrine was racing into the zone of high danger.

    Cains mind was racing and he had to talk with Jack Stepping to the forcastle he nodded to his guest "I have an enormous favor to ask of you."

    Jack looked up form his cannon and started off with "This is a fantastic action you have gotten us into sir." Jack had started beaming from ear to ear "How may I help you sir?"

    Cain scratched his chin "I'm thinking that Evans will soon grow tired of chasing us and start hunting the Tradesmen fleet. But it requires me to do something that's illegal unless you can help."

    The Post Captain cantered his head "What do you need?"

    Cain got to the point "To keep Evan's interest I plan on hoisting the colors of the Republic Navy and making signals as if I were a Republic Navy ship signaling to a fleet. They'll want to catch me to get private signals and to prevent us from reporting to my imaginary fleet."

    Jack nodded in agreement "That is highly illegal, and yes, I will grant you my leave to do so. Now it's legal" he smiled and winked and went back to the forecastles gun crews he was in command of giving them pointers on how to more effectively run them in and out.

    Calling to MR. Grimand Cain ordered "Strike our Alerarian colors and raise the Republic Navy colors." The ensign broke out at the mizzen peak; the mark of a man of war and no other streamed from it. Now Cain was almost within random shot of the Marlin. If he edged way the Dolly and Grayling would gain on him. Could he afford to hold onto this present course? Cain ordered to a masters mate "Be so good to heave the log."

    The masters mate stepped forward, paused a moment at the sloping lee quarter to see where he could toss it into a calm patch outside the mill race rushing along her side, flung the log widethrough the flying spray, and shouted "Turn!" The boy posted on the hammock nets with the reel held his; the line tore off and a moment later there was a scream. The quartermaster had the boy by one foot, dragging him inboard; and the reel, torn from his hand raced away.

    "Fetch another log" Cain said happy with seeing the log spin out so quick "And use a fourteen second glass." Cain had only seen the whole line run off the reel a scant few times in his life. It became clear that the Peregrine would do it, that they would cross the Marlin and start to increase the distance with in a few minutes, yet nevertheless they were running towards the nearest point of convergence, and it was always possible to mistake by a few hundred yards. And some long brass eight pounders could throw a ball very far and true.

    ~Would Evans fire?~ Cain mused, yes there was the flash and puff of smoke. The ball fell short. The line was exact, but having skipped five times the ball sank three hundred yards away. So did the next two, and the fourth was even farther off. The Peregrine was through and now every minute saileed carried them farther out of range.
    Last edited by jdd2035; 01-24-16 at 10:31 AM.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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  2. #12
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    Cain didn't want to discourage Evans and decided to alter the Peregrines course a little closer "Mr. Grimand, ease off the foresail sheet and hand the spritsail topsail." Cain then turned to a masters mate and ordered "Signal enemy in sight: ship of the line, corvette and a schooner bearing east, two frigates bearing north by north west. Request orders, with a gun to windward. Keep it flying and repeat the gun every 30 seconds."

    The masters mate nodded and replied "Yes sir. Sir, may I say the schooner is bearing south east now?" The schooner was indeed, the lifting rainstorm showed her on the Peregrines port bow, well ahead of the Marlin and to leeward. The turning wind in the squall had set her half a mile to the west.
    It was in the schooners power to bring the Peregrine into action, unless he edged away into the extreme range of the frigates the Grayling had overhauled the Dolly once more. But to bring the Peregrine into close action the schooner would have to stand raking fire from the Peregrines guns, and it would need a most determined to take his ship right against such odds. The schooner would probably bear up at long gun shot and exchange a distant broadside or two. Cain had no sort of objection to that - on the contrary: ever since he had set the Peregrin for the gap, showing what she could really do in the way of speed, giving away her qualities, Cain had been trying to think of some means of leading Evans on in a hopeful chase that would take him far to the south before nightfall. The signal was enough in its way, but its effect would not last. The drag sail would scarcely take again the must have figured it out; but a yard arm coming down with a run as though it had been shot away, why, that would do the trick and he could give any of them the mizzen or even the maintop sail.

    "Mr. Agon, the Schooner will engage us presently. When I give the word, let the maintopsail come down with arun, as though her fire had effect. But neither the yard nor the sail must be hurt. I'll leave the caper to you but it must look like things are not going our way and yet still be ready to set.
    It was just the kind of caper Agon would delight in. He was a sly, conniving, underhanded, cleaver midshipman: Cain had no doubt of his producing an elegant chaos. But he would have to do it quickly. The Mako was coming down under a cloud of canvas, as fast as ever she could run; and as Cain watched he saw her set her fore-royal flying. The schooner was steering to cross ahead of the Peregrine laying on her beam at this moment and although she was now within range she held fire.

    "Mr. Agon" Cain called with out looking up from the Mako "should you like your hammock sent up?" Agon slid down a backstay , red with toil and haste. "I am sorry to have been so slow sir." He said "All is stretched along now, and I have left two seamen in the top, with orders to keep out of sight and to let go handsomely when hailed."

    "Very good Mr. Agon, Mr Grimand let us pipe to quarters. Cain was on the quarterdeck with Mr. Grimand and a masters mate controlling the ship, JAck and the other officers were at the guns, each to his own division. Every man silently watched the Mako as she ran down a beautiful trim little ship, with a scarlet topside, with scarlet topsides. She was head on now, coming from straight for the Peregrines broadside and Cain watching closely through his glass, could see no sign of her meaning to bear up. The half a minute signal gun beside him spoke out again and again and yet still the Mako came on into the certainty of a murderous raking fire. This was more determination than he had reckoned on. He had done the same thing himself and that made him grin.

    Another two hundred yards and his four pounders would reach the Mako point blank. The signal gun went off again and again "Belay there!" he said and much louder "A steady, deliberate fire now! Let the smoke clear between each shot. Point low on her foremast!"

    A pausew, and on the upward roll the guns crashed booom!! the smoke sweeping ahead. A hole appeared in the schooners spritsail and a cheer went up, drowned by the second gun. "Steady steady!!" Cain hollered over the din of guns going off wit Jack firing the third gun. The fourth ball splashed close to the schooners bow, and as it splashed she answered with a shot from he chaser that struck the main mast a glancing blow. The firing came down the line, a rippling broadside: two shots went home in the schooners bows, another hit her chains, and there were holes in her fore sail. Now it began forward again, and as the range narrowed so they hit her hard with almost every shot or swept her deck from stem to stern there were two guns dismounted aboard her, and several men laying on the deck. Broadside after deliberate broadside, the whole ship quivering in the thunder the jets of flame, the thick powder smoke racing ahead. Still the Mako held on, through her way was checked, and now her bow guns ansered with chain shot that shrieked high through the rigging, cutting ropes and sails as it went.

    ~A little more and I wont need my caper~ thought Cain. "Can he really mean to lay me aboard? Mr. Agon, Mr. Grimand , briskly now and grape the next round. The vanguard may..." Cains words were cut off by a furious cheer. The Mako's foretopmast was going: it gave a great forward lurch, the stays and shrouds parted and it fell in a ruin of canvas, masking the schooners forward guns. "Hold hard" Cain shouted "Maintop let go!!!"

    The Peregrines topsail billowed out, came down, and collapsed and across the water they heard a thin answering cheer from the shattered schooner. The Peregrines guns sent a hail of grape along the Mako's deck, knocking down a dozen men and cutting away her colors. "Cease fire there. Secure those guns. Mr. Grimand hands to knot and splice!"

    "She's struck!" cheered a voice in the waist as the Peregrine swept on. The Mako, hulled several time, low in the water and by the head, swung heavily around, and they saw a figure running up the mizzen shrouds with fresh colors. Cain took his hat off to the schooners captain, standing there on the bloody quarterdeck seventy yards away; the Imperials returned the salute, but still, as his remaining port side guns came to bear he fired a ragged broadside after the Peregrine, and then as the reached the limit of his range, another in a last attempt at preventing the Peregrines escape. A vain attempt: not a shot came home and the Peregrine was still far ahead of the MArlin on her port side quarter and the two frigates away to starboard.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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  3. #13
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    Captain Cain Jodin
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    Cain looked at the sun: no more than an hour to go. He could not hope to lead them very far in this moonless night, if he could lead them at all for what was left "MR. Agon, take your party into the top and give the appearance of trying to get things shipshape you may cockbill the yard." Cain then turned to another midshipman and ordered "Signal partial engagement, heavy damage request assistance. Enemy bearing north by north west and north by north east and carry on with the signal gun every thirty seconds. Also a fare in the waist would do no harm: plenty of smoke. One of the coppers filled with slush and tow might do the trick. Lets have some turmoil."

    Cain walked over to the taffrail and surveyed the sea astern. The brig had gone to the assistance of the Mako. The Marlin maintained her position on the port quarter coming along at a fine pace and perhaps gaining a little. As he expected, she was signalling to the Greyling and the Dolly. No doubt telling them to make more sail for the Dolly set her main royals which instantly carried away. For no every thing was well in hand.

    On deck the black smoke was belching from the Peregrines waist, streaming away ahead of her, the ship's boys were hurrying about with swabs, buckets and the fire engine, Agon was roaring cursing in the top, waving his arms, all hands looked pleased with themselves and sly; and the pursuers had gained a quarter of a mile.

    Far on the starboard beam the sun was sinking behind a blood red haze; sinking slowly till it was gone. Already the night was sweeping up from the east, a starless night with no moon, and pale phosphorescent fire had began to gleam in the Peregrines wake. After sunset, when the Imperials sails were no more than the faintest hint of whiteness far astern to be fixed only by the recurrent flash of the Commodores top lantern. the Peregrine sent up a number of blue lights, set her undamaged main topsail and ran as fast as she could south westwards.

    At eight bells of the first watch the Peregrine hauled to the wind in the pitch darkness; and having given his orders to turn back towards the Tradesmen fleet for the night. Cain turned the watches over and ducked into his grand cabin to get some rest. A few hours later the top lights of the closest Tradesmen of the fleet were just on the horizon.

    Cain after having slept enough to feel like him self again stepped back out of the cabin. Surveying the horizon opposite his eyes focused on a glint of white sail. It was on the extreme edge of his vision. Cain ordered "Jump up the masthead and tell me what you make of her."

    A top sails man hollered back in reply "That Imperial brig sir! Signaling like fury. And I believe I make out a sail bearing something north of her!"

    It was just as Cain had feared Evans had sent the brig north early in the night and now she was reporting the presence of the Peregrinee, if not the Tradesment fleet to her friends over the horizon.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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  4. #14
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    Name
    Captain Cain Jodin
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    Captains of several ships were all gathered in the Peregrines grand cabin. It didn't take five minutes after Cain and Jack gave the bad news that Commodore Evans was closing in on the Tradesmen fleet for the other captains to start their recriminations. There was several suggestions of what the fleet should do with the most prevalent suggestion being some form or fashion to split up and run for it.

    Cain scratched his chin and in a very calm voice "That's a very bad idea."

    One of the more upset Tradesmen captain on Captain Barton roared "You have no say in our affairs. You are the one who lead Evans and his squadron to us!"

    Jack stood up nearly bumping his head on the ceiling of the cabin and roared back "Evans knew the the routs the Tradesmen were going to take! Every cargo and tradesman ship takes the same winds because they're efficient. Cain's efforts and risk to his crew, and his ship have bought you valuable time. You will listen to him!"

    Captain Barton still irate declared "If Captain Jodin..." he gave particular emphasis on Captain "Can out run why can we not do the same?"

    Jack replied still with on the edge of temper "Because you are a fool. The Peregrines is the faster ship, and her Captain and crew are better seamen. Face the facts The Peregrine is a corvette a light one at that designed for speed and she is not weighed down by several tons cargo. Your ships are built to hold several times more cargo, and they are slow."

    Before things boiled over Cain rose and shouted in a voice that could be heard over the roar of double charged thirty six pounders "Silence fore and aft!" and in a more subdued tone "If any body talks out of turn again I will have you removed from my cabin and off my ship. Now if you split up your fleet and try to run Evans and his squadron will hunt you down one by one like wolves on a lamb. Your one and only chance is to hold together and fight back. You're combined number of cannons might not out weigh his but you have the greater numbers and better supplies."

    Cain paused and explained "During our chase I got the impression that he was trying to save his spars and sails. If we can put up enough of a fight to knock out a yard or even better a mast. Something that he can't afford in a prolonged battle, he'll retreat. Now I can't press any one of you into this plan but it's the one that has the highest chance for the survival of the fleet."

    Besides the Peregrine six of the Tradesmen captains volunteered including Captain Barton. That was five ships and one brig bringing the amount of cannons to just over one hundred VS the seventy or so of the Evan's squadron. Broadside weight be damned.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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  5. #15
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    Name
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    After some hasty preparations were made and some of Cains crew members were temporarily placed aboard the other ships to improve the Trademen ships rates of fire; the signals went up for the ships to to tack in succession again. The ships to leeward The Monique, Jemma, Rachel, Amanda, Amy and Regina with the Monique having the most guns and heaviest weight acknowledged and made sail and the line prepared to go about. As the Jemma approached and the troubled wake where the Monique had began her turn, one of the Peregrines crew members took over for the Jemma's masters mate and she turned about smooth, steady and exact. A beautiful formation even for Tradesmen. The Rachel swung through the ninety degrees and the Peregrine came into her view on her port bow. The sight of the Peregrines black and white washed hull and her towering masts lifted Cains heart, and his grave face broke into a loving smile; but after this seconds indulgence his eyes searched beyond her, and there, clear on the horizon, were the topgallentsails of the Evans squadron.

    The Regina steadied on her course and tthe line was reformed heading south east with the port side tacks avoard, a fine line of ships a mile and a hal long, lying between the enemy and the rest of the tradesmen fleet a line of concentrated fire, no where strong, but moderately formidable from its quantity and from the mutual support of the close order. A trim line too; the Amanda and Amy were sagging away a little to leeward, but their intervals were correct. The Tradesmen captains could handle their ships, of that there was no doubt. They had performed this maneuver three times already and never had there been a blunder nor hesitation. Slow of course, compared with the Peregrine; but sharp none the less. The ships were handled well but could they fight? That was the real question.

    Cain gave his ship a quick inspection, her uncluttered decks, a clean sweep fore and aft, the perfect familiarity of every thing about her. The Peregrine moved to the head of the line, and on his strangely thin quarterdeck only the more vapid youngsters left and the master, Cain listened to Mr Grimand's report of Evan's movements. The report confirmed Cains own impressions: the Commodore had gathered his force, and his apparent delay was in fact an attempt at gaining the weather gage and making sure of hat he was about before committing himself.

    Cain mentioned "I dare say he will put himself about as soon as ever he fetches our wake, and the he'll move faster. But even so, I doubt he will up with us much before sunset." Up until the present Evans had been continually maneuvering to gain he wind, and to gather his forces making short tacks, standing now towards the Tradesmen, now from them. But he had formed his line at last, and his movement was one of direct pursuit.

    While the Peregrine lay to he turned his scope to the Imperial squadron; not that there was any need for a telescope to see their positions, for they were all hull up it was the detail of their trim that would tell him what was going on in Evans mind. What he saw gave him no comfort. The Imperial ships were crowding sail as though they had not a care in the world. In the lead the Grayling was already throwing a fine bobluefinw wave; close behind the Marlin was setting her royals; and although the Dolly lay quarted of a mile astern she was drawing up. Then there was the Mako: how she managed to spread so much canvas after the drubbing she had received he could not conceive an astonishing feat: very fine seamen aboard the schooner.

    In the present position, with the Tradesmen under easy sail on the starboard tack with the wind two points free, and Evans five miles away, coming after them from eastwards on the same tack. Cain could delay the action by hauling his wind delay it until the morning, unless Evans chose to risk a night action. There was a good delay, rest, food greater preparation; and their sailing order was not what he could have wished. But on the other hand, a bold front was the very essence of the thing. Evans must be made to believe that the Tradesmen fleet was more formidable enough to inflict serious damage, with the help of the armed Tradesmen, if Cain pushed home his attac. As for the sailing order there would be too much risk of confusion if he changed it now; they were not used to these maneuvers; and in any case, once the melee began, once the smoke din and confusion of close action did away with the rigid discipline of the line, and with communication, those captains who really meant to lay their ships alongside an enemy would do so: the others would not.

    The tactics Cain had agreed upon and had been explained with the Tradesmen captains were those of close, enveloping action: the line of battle to be maintained until the last moment and then to double upon the Imperial ships, to take them between two or even three broadsides, overwhelming them with numbers, how ever weak the fire of each Tradesmen ship. If a regular doubling was ot possible, then each captain was to use his judgement to bring about the same position a cluser of ships round every Imperial, cutting up his sails and rigging at close range.

    Now after hours of reflection, Cain still thought this idea the best: close ranfe was essential to make the indifferent guns bite hard; and if he were Evans, he should very much dislike being surrounded, hampered, and batered by a determined swarm, above all if some of Evans Squadron with the Tradesmen. His greatest dread, after the doubtful fighting qualities of the Tradesmen, was that of a distant broadside with the heavy, well pointed Imperial cannons hitting his ships from a thousand yards.

    Evans vanished behind the foresail of the Amy as the Peregrine glided into her place in the center of the line. Cain looked up at the masthead, and felt a sudden overwhelming tiredness. His mind was running clear and sharp and the continual variation of the opposed forces presented itself as a hard distinct point on a graph; but his arms and legs were drained of energy. Cain ordered "run up to the masthead and tell me how they bear."

    They bore three points on the quarter: two and a half points on the quarter: The Dolly had set her forestaysail and she had closed with the two decker: they were coming up hand over fist. The hails followed one another at steady intervals, and all the time the sun sank in the west. When at last Mr. Grimand reported the Grayling at extreme random shot of the rear of the line, Cain said to the signal man, "Edge away one point; and get the next hoists ready: prepare to wear all together at the gun: course south east by east: van engage to windward on coming up, center and rear to leeward."

    This was the aggressive maneuver of a commander eager to bring on a decisive action. Wearing would reverse the order of sailing and send the whole line fast and straight for the Imperial squadron close hauled on he opposite tack a line that would be divide on coming up and threaten to take them between two fires. It would throw away the advantage of the wind, but he dared not tack all together too dangerous an evolution by far in closer order and between this simultaneous wearing was dangerous enough, although a few inutes of edging away would make it safer. Indeed Evans might well take it as a mark of confidence.

    Now they had edged away from the wind; the line was slanting farther south, with the wind just before the beam. "Carry on" Cain said to his masters mate and turned to watch the brig Regina repeat the message through out the Tradesmen squadron. The signals ran up brisk and clear ~I must give the Tradesmen time to make them out~ Cain thought to himself pacing back and forth on the quarterdeck. The slow burn match for the signal gun sent its smoke across the deck, and he found his breath coming short; EVERYTHING, depended on this maneuver being carried out correctly. If they turned in a disordered heap, if there was irresolution Evans would smoke the game a in five minutes he would be among them, firing both sides with his thirty six twelve pounders. Another turn and "Fire!" he shouted "All hands wear ship!"

    Up and down the line of orders echoed, the boatswains pipes shirrled out. The ships began their turn bringing the wind aft, right astern, on the port quarter onto the beam and beyond, the yards coming around, round and harder around until the whole line, with scarcely irregularity, was close hauled on the port side tack, each having turned in its place so that now the Regina lead and the Monique brought up the rear.

    A beautifully executed move, almost faultless. "Mr. Grimand make more sail and hoist our colors." It was now time to be fair about things with Evans and the Peregrines true colors showed the brilliant field of royal blue with a wine colored elongated four point diamond with a black cross running through the center of it. Handsome colors and imposing; but the speed f the line did not increase "Signal make more sail and give them two guns."

    Ahead of them now and broad on the port side bow there was the Imperial squadron in a rigid line, their colors flying as well with the Commodore's flag flying at the mizzen. The two lines were drawing together at a combined speed of fourteen knots and in less than five minutes they would be with in range.

    Cain ran forward and as he reached the forecastle Evans fired a gun. But a blank gun a signal gun, and its smoke had hardly cleared before the Imperial ships hauled their wind, heading back north by north west and declining the engagement.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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  6. #16
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    Name
    Captain Cain Jodin
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    There was a powerful feeling of victory welling up in Cain, it was a temporary one he knew but still it was a victory none the less. He had made a seasoned frigate captain back down. Evans would engage in the morning Cain new but for now he signaled Tack in succession, and the line came about, stretching towards the setting sun. Cain said to him self "Evans will spend the night plying to the windward while we lay to. His people will be worn out for the morning action. Ours must get all the rest we can manage and food." That evening the crew of the Peregrine had a big hearty supper with ham, eggs, bacon, sourdough bread, and even red meat topped off with red wine and rum.

    All that night they lay to, with stern and top lights right along the line, each watch in turn at quarters and fifty night glasses trained on Commodore Evans' lights as he worked up windward. In the middle watch Cain woke for a few minutesto find the ship pitching heavily. His prayer had been answered , and a heavy swell was setting in from the south. He need not dread the Imperials distant fire. Accuracy, long range and a calm sea were birds tarred with the same feather.

    Dawn broke calm, sweet and clear over the troubled sea, and it showed the Imperials and the Tradesmen lines three miles apart. Evans had of course spent all the night beating up so that now he had the weather gage with out any wort of doubt now he could bring on the action when ever he choose. He had the power, but did not seem inclined to use it. His squadron backed and filled, rolling, and pitching on the swell. After some time the Grayling left her station, came down to reconnoiter with in gunshot and returned. Still the imperials ran aloof, lying there on the beam of the Tradesmen, with their heads north west, and the heat of the day increased.

    The swell from the distant southern tempest ran across the unvarying north east wind, and every few minutes and the sharp chippy seas sent an agreeable spray flying over the Peregrine's quarterdeck. ~If we engage her from the leeward~ Cain thought with his focusing on the Marlin ~she will find it damned uncomfortable to open her lower ports.~ The Marlin carried her lower guns high, like most Imperial ships, but even so, with her side pressed down by this fine breeze and with such a sea running, her lower deck would be flooded, all the more so in that she was some what crank, some what inclined to lie over, no doubt from want of stores deep in her hold. If Evans could not use his lower tier, his heaviest gun, the match would be more nearly even. Was that the reason why he was lying there backing and filling, when he was the master of the situation, with a convoy worth a lot of gold under his lee? What was in his mind?Plain hesitation? Had he been painully impressed by the sight of the Tradesmen line lying to all night, a long string of lights, inviting action in the morning instead of silently dispersing in the darkness, which they would surely have done if yesterday's bold advance had been a ruse?

    "Pipe the crew to breakfast" Cain ordered, he was committed to an incredibly dangerous undertaking but her also knew that he should either succeed or that he should fail creditably. It would be close either way, but he had nt launched himself, his ship and five other ships into a foolhardy enterprise presently the anxiety was gone. One of the reasons for this was the new feeling right along the line of battle, the captains had handled their ships well and they knew it. The success of their maneuver and Evan's retreat had done wonders for the Tradesmen's morale, now there was a unanmity, a readiness to fall in with the plan of attack, that delighted Cain.

    Breakfast was over, and still the Imperial squadron made no move. "Lets help them make up their mind" Cain said. The signals ran up, the Tradesmen line filled on the starboard tack and stood away to the west under tipsails and courses alone. At once the Peregrines motion became easier a smooth even flide; and at once the Imperial squadron in the distance wore around on the opposite tack, slanting down southwards for the Tradesmen.

    "Finally!" Cain exclaimed "Now just what will Evans do" When he had watched them long enough to be sure that this was not an idle move but the certain beginning from which all things must follow he said "Mr. Grimand pipe to quarters." Beyond that there was nothing to be done the Peregrine had long been stripped for battle, her yards puddened and slung with chains, splinter netting rigged, powder filled and waiting, shot if all kinds at hand, match smoking in little tubs along the deck, the men ran to their stations and stood or knelt there gazing out over their guns at the opposition. The Imperials were coming down under an easy sail, the Marlin leading. It was not clear what they meant to do, but the general opinion among the older seamen was that they would presently wear around onto the same tack as the Tradesmen, steer a parrallel course and engage the center van in the usuial way, using their greater speed to pass along it. Where as other thought Evans might cross their wake, and haul up to engage from leeward so that he could use his lower guns, now shut up tight behind their port lids, with green water dashing against them. At all events they and all the Peregrines company were convinced that the time of the slow maneuvering was over that in a quarter of an hour the dust would begin to fly and there was silence throughout the ship, a grave silence, not without anxiety and an urgent longing for it to start.

    Cain was too much engrossed with watching his line ans with interpreting Evans movements to feel much of this brooding impatience, but he too was eager for the moment of grappling and of certainty, for he knew very well that he was faced with a formidable opponent, capable of daring unusual tactics. Evans next move took him by surprise, how ever: the Commodore judging that the head of the long Tradesmen was sufficiently advanced for his purpose, and knowing that the Tradesmen could neither tack nor sail at great speed, suddenly crowded sail. It was a well concentrated maneuver: every Imperial ship and even the schooner blossomed out in a great spread of white canvas: royals appeared, studding sails stretched out like wings, doubling the breadth of the ships and giving them a great menacing beauty as they ran down upon the Tradesmen. For a moment Cain could understand neither their course nor their evolution, but then it came to him with an instant conviction. "Oh hell, he means to break the line" The Peregrine signaled "Lee: tack in succession, make all practicable sail."

    As the signals broke out, it became even more certain that this was so. Evans was setting his heavy ship straight at the gap between the Amanda and Amy, two of the weakest ships. He meant to pass through the line, cut off the rear, leave a ship or two to deal with what his fire had left, luff up and range along the lee of the line, firing a full broadside.

    Cain snatched up a speaking trumpet, sprang to the taffrail and hailed his next astern with all his force "Back your topsail! I am tacking out of the line!" Turrning he shouted "All hands about ship. Hard over, lay me athwart the Marlins hawse!" Now the Peregrines well seasoned crew showed what they were made of: the Peregrine turned in a tight smooth curve with never a check, moving faster and faster as her lee chains deep in the white foam, heading close hauled for the point where her course would cut the Marlins, somewhere short of the Tradesmen line if its speed could be maintained. Cain must take her down and hold the Marlin until the van ships could follow him, could reach him and give the Peregrine their support. With her speed it was possible, so long as he lost no important spars; to be sure, it meant running straight into the Marlins broadside, yet it might be done, particularly in such a sea. But if he did it, if he was not de-masted, how long could he hold the larger ship? How long would it take for the van to reach him? He dared no disrupt the line: the Tradesmen's safety depended entirely on its strength and unity and the mutual support of its combined fire in close order.

    Poised at the break of the quarterdeck he checked the position once more: the Peregrine had already passed three ships, moving up the opposite direction towards the turning point, and they were making sail the gap had closed. On the port bow, a long mile away to the north east, the Marlin with the white water breaking against her bows. On the port quarter, still a mile away, the Monique and Jemma had made their turn and they were setting topgallent sails: the Rachel was in stays, and it looked as though the eager Regina might fall foul to her. He nodded it could be done indeed, there was no choice.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

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    Number one sea coat

  7. #17
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    Name
    Captain Cain Jodin
    Age
    27
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    Human
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    5'11
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    Cain jumped down the ladder and hurried along the gun crews and he spoke to them with a friendliness: they were old shipmates now; he knew each man, he liked the greater part of them. They were to be sure not to waste a shot to fire high for this spell, on the upward roll, ball followed by chain as soon as it would fetch the ship might get a bit of a drubbing as the ran down, but they were not to mind it: the Marlin could not open his lower ports, and they should serve him out once they got snug athwart his bows he knew they would fire steady let them watch: he had never wasted a shot and they were to mind their priming.

    The first ranging shot from the Marlin plunged into the sea s hundred yards out on the port beam, sending up a tall white plum, torn away by the wind. Another, closer and to starboard. A pause and now the Marlin's side disappeared behind a white cloud of smoke, spreading from her bows to her quarter: four shots of the thundering broadside struck home, three hitting the Peregrines bow and cathead.

    Cain counted the seconds from the first broadside to the next rippling crash. Far more accurate: white water leaped all around the Peregrine, topmast high, so many eighteen pound shot stuck home that her hull rang again: way was the momentarily checked: she staggered; holes appeared in her fore and mainsails, and a clutter of blocks fell onto the splinter netting over the waist. "Just shy of two minutes," he observed. The Peregrine took no more than one minute twenty seconds between broadsides. "But thank goodness her lower ports are shut." Before the Marlin fired the next the Peregrine would be a quarter mile nearer.

    The Grayling, Marlins next astern, opened fire with her forward guns. Cain saw one ball traveling from him, racing astern, as he reached the taffrail in his ritual to and fro, a distinct ball with a kind of slight halo about it. Jack was already firing the Peregrines bow guns; the two minutes were gone: some seconds passed and the Marlin's careful, deliberate broadside came, hitting the Peregrine like a hammer, barely a shot astray. And immediately after that six guns from the Grayling, all high and wide.

    Mr Grimand reported "Spritsail yard gone in the slings sir. The carpenter finds three foot in the well: he is plugging a couple of holes under the water line, not very low" As he spoke the bow gun roared out and the encouraging, heady smell of powder smoke came aft.

    "Warm work" Cain said smiling "But at least Grayling cannot reach us again. The angle is too narrow. When Marlin starts firing grape, let the men lie down at their guns." On the port bow he could see the last of the Marlins guns running out. They were waiting for the roll. He glanced round his sparce quarterdeck before he turned in his pacing. Two masters mates at the wheel, sail trimmers at the foretopsail bowline over to the leaward the signal midshipman, and all the vanguards men were scattered among the gun crews.

    The crash of the broadside, and of the bow gun and of the shot hitting her came in one breath an extreme violence of noise. He saw the wheel fly apart one of the masters mates flew backwards to the taffrail cut in two; and forward there was a screaming. Instantly he bent to the speaking tube that led below to the men posted at the relieving tackles that could take over from the wheel "Below there does she steer?"

    "Yes sir!"

    "Very good, keep her, hear me?"

    One of the guns had been dismounted, and splinter, bits of carriage, bits of rail, booms, shattered boats littered the decks as far aft as the mainmast, together with scores of hammocks torn from their netting: the jibboom lurched from side to side, its cap shot through: cannon balls scattered from their racks and garlands, rumbled about the heaving deck: but far more dangerous were the loose guns running free concentrated, lethal weight gone mad. Cain plunged into the disorder forward few officers, little coordination catching up a blood hammock as he ran. Eleven hundred pounds of metal, once the cherished bow gun, poised motionless on the top of the roll ready to rush back across the deck and smash its way through the starboard side: he claped the hammock under it and whipped a line around the swell of its muzzle, calling for men to make it fast to a stanchion and as he called a loose cannon ball rolled against his ankle, bringing him down. Jack was at the next gun still in its carriage, trying to hold it with a handspike as it threatened to fall down the fore hatch way and through the Peregrines bottom.

    Cain darted a look at the Marlin. All but two of her guns were run our again "Lay flat!!" he roared and for the space of the rising wave there was silence all along the deck, broken only by the wind, the racing water, and an odd ball grumbling down the gangway. The full broadside and the howl of grape tearing over the deck; but too high, a little hurried. The Peregrine was still on her headlong course, her way only slightly checked by the loss of her outer jib and the riddling of her sails: and now the rear Tradesmen opened fire from a half a mile. There were holes in the Marlin foretopsails, and Cain doubted she would get in another broadside before the Peregrine was so close on her bow that the broadside guns would no longer bear could not be trained far enough forward to reach her. If the Marlin yawed off her course to bring the Peregrine into her fire, then Evans' plan was defeated: at this speed a yaw would carry the two decked east of the unbroken line.

    Cain limped back to the quarter deck, and asked through the speaking tube "Below there. Ease her half a point. Another half. Belay." The Peregrine was starting to steer heavy now. "Prime sir" came the reply. The dead marsters mate was tossed over the taffrail. Away astern, beyond the splash of the body, six of the Tradesmen were already round: they were coming down under a fine press of sail, but they were still a long way off. Wide on the ard bot the Marlin was almost within his reach at last. "Stand your guns" Cain cried. "Hard forward. Do not waste a shot. Wat for it. Wait for it!"

    "Five foot water in the well sir!" Cried someone in the depths of the Peregrine.

    Cain nodded "Half a point," he called down the pipe again, and again the disembodied voice answered Half a point it is sir!" Heavy she might be, heavy she was, but unless she foundered in the next minute he would hit the Marlin, hit her very, very hard. For as the Peregrine came closer to crossing the Marlins bows, so her silent broadside would come into play ta last, and at close range.

    Ranged weapons came from the Marlins forecastle: her vanguards men packed into her bows and foretop. Another hundred yards, and unless Marlin yawed he would rake her: and if she did yaw then there they would lie, broadside to broadside. "Mr. Grimand, some hands to clew up and to back the foretopsail. Jump along forward." Closer and closer the Marlin was still coming along with a splendid bow wave; the Peregrine was moving slower. She would cross the Marlin at something under two hundred yards, and already she was so near the two decker that the Tradesmen had stopped firing from fear of hitting her. Still closer, for the full force of the blow: the crews crouched tense over their pointedguns, shifting them a trifle for the aim with a total concentration indifferent to the fire.

    "Fire!" Cain shouted, as the upward roll began. The guns went off in a long roar: the smoke cleared, and there was the Marlins head and forecastle swept clean ropes dangling, a staysail flying wild.

    "Too low" Jack cried "Pitch em up, pitch em up." There was no point in merely killing Imperials: it was rigging, spars and masts that counted not the blood that ow from the Marlins scuppers, crimson against her streek of white. The furious work of running in, swabbing, loading, ramming, running out; and Jacks gun was the first fired.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

    Shot and powder

    Cavalry Saber

    Number one sea coat

  8. #18
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    Name
    Captain Cain Jodin
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    27
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    Unhappy

    "Clew up" Cain shouted above the thunder. "Back foretopsail" The Peregrine slowed, lost her way, and lay shrouded in her own smoke right athwart the Marlins bows, hammering her as fast as ever the guns could fire. The third broadside merged into the fourth: the firing was continuous now, and Grimand and the midshipmen ran up and down the line pointing, heaving, translating their Captains hoarse barks into direct fire a tempest of chain. After their drubbing the men were a little out of hand, and now they could serve the Imperials out their fire was somewhat wild and often too low: but at this range not a shot flew wide. The powder boys ran the cartridges came up in a racing stream, the gun crews cheered like maniacs, stripped to the waist, pouring with sweat, thumping it to her, craming their guns to the muzzle. But it was too good to last. Through the smoke it was clear that Evans meant to run the Peregrine aboard run the small ship bodily down or board her.

    "Drop the forecourse. Fill foretopsail!" Cain shouted with the full force of his lungs: and down the tube, "Two points off." He must at all costs keep the Marlin's bows and keep hitting her she was a slaughterhouse forward, but nothing vital had yet carried away. The Peregrine forged on in a sluggish, heavy turn and the two deckers side came into view. There were opening their lower ports running out the twenty four pounders in spite of the sea. One shit of her helm to bring them to bear and the Peregrine would have the whole shattering broadside within pistolshot. Then they could clap the lower ports to, for she would be sunk.

    Half a mile astern the Tradesmen had opened fire on the Grayling and the Dolly, who had been reaching them this last five minutes: smoke everywhere, and the thunder of the broadsides deadened the breeze.

    "Port, hard to port!" Cain called down the tube; and straightening "Maincourse there" Where her speed, poor dear Peregrine.She could just keep ahead of the Marlin, but only by falling away from the wind so far that her guns could not bear and her stern was pointing at the Marlins bows. Fire slackened died away, and the men stared aft at the Marlin:two spokes of her wheel could bring the Imperial's broadside round already they could see the double line of guns projecting from their ports. Why did she not yaw? Was she signaling?

    A great bellowing of guns to starboard told them why. The half of the Tradesmen fleet had left the line, the holy line, and they were coming up fast to engage the Marlin on the other side while the other half was closing in from the other side, threatening to envelope him the one maneuver that Evans dreaded.

    The Marlin hauled her wind, and her swing brought the Peregrines guns into play again. They blazed out, and the two decker instantly replied with a ragged burst from her upper starboard guns so close that her shot went high over the Peregrines deck and the burnind wads came aboard so close that they could see the faces glaring from the ports, a biscuit toss away. For a moment the two ships lay broadside to broadside. Through a gap torn in the Marlins quarterdeck bulwark Cain saw the Commodore in his place on his quarterdeck and in a solemn countenance the Commodore removed his hat as a sign of respect for Cain. Cain returned the gesture.

    The Marlin turn carried her farther still. Another burst from her poop carronades and she was round, close hauled, presenting her stern to a raking fire from the Peregrines remaining guns. Two more were dismounted and one had burst a fire that smashed in her stern gallery. Aother broadside as she moved away, gathering speed, and a prodigious cheer as her cross jack yard came down, followed by her mizzen and topgallent masts. The she was out of range, and the Peregrine though desperately willing, could not come round nor move fast enough through the sea to bring her into reach again.

    The whole Imperial line had wor together: they hauled close to the wind, passed between the coverging lines of Tradesmen and stood on.

    "Mr. Grimand. General chase" ordered Cain

    It was no use the Tradesmen chased until their sky sails carried away, but still the Imperial squadron had the heels of them; and when Evans tacked to the east Cain recalled them.

    The Monique was first to reach the Peregrine and Captain Barton came aboard. His face red, glorious with triumph came up the side like a rising sun; but as he stepped on to the bloody quarterdeck his look changed to shocked astonishment "Oh my goodness" he cried, looking at the wreckage fore and aft. Five guns dismantled, four ports beat into one, the boats on the booms utterly destroyed, shattered spars everywhere water pouring from her lee scuppers as the pumps brought it gushing up from below, tangled rope, splinters knee deep in the waist, gaping holes in the bulwarks, fore and mainmast cut almost through in several places, eighteen pound balls lodged deep. "My, you have suffered terribly. I give you the joy of victory," he said shaking Cains hand in both of his "but you gave suffered most terribly. Your losses must be shocking I'm afraid."

    Cain was tired some time during the fight a splinter had crossed his forehead and part of his scalp was hanging over his eye brow and the blood had trickled down into his shirt but had recently been bandaged and his ankle was stolen in his boot. "Thank you Captain" he said "Evans handled us roughly and but for the Tradesmen coming up nobly, I believe he must have sunk us. But we lost very few men. Three dead and a score wounded: but a light bill for such warm work. And we paid him back, you better believe we paid him back."

    "Nine feet of water in the well, if you please sir" Said Mr. Agon "And it's gaining."

    "Can I be of any use?" asked Barton "Our carpenters, boatswains hands to pumps?"

    Cain turned to Captain Barton "I would take it kindly if I might have my officers and men back, and any help you can spare. My ship will not swim another hour."

    Captain Barton replied "Instantly sir instantly, Lord! what a beating" he said looking over the side now very near the water.

    "Aye" Cain nodded "And where I shall replace all my gear this side of the ocean I do no know not a spar on my ship. My comfort is that Evans is even worse."

    "Oh as for masts, spars, boats, cordage, stores, the Company will be delighted oh they will think the world of you, sir. It will be nothing too much, I do assure you. Your splendid action had certainly preserved the fleet, as I shall tell them. Yard arm to yard arm with a thirty six. May I give you a tow?"

    Cains head throbbed sharply "I will escort you, if you choose since I presume you not remain at sea with Evans abroad; but I will not be towed, not while I have a mast standing."

    By the time the Peregrine was under way again the Peregrine was as good as new maybe even better. She had all of her spars and rigging repaired, her guns were remounted, the one destroyed four pounder was replaced with a new one and to top all of that off. The Peregrine was gifted with a pair of long six pounders mounted on her quarter deck.

    Cain personally was rewarded with some freight pay and various other sundry items for his efforts in preserving the Tradesmen fleet.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

    Shot and powder

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    Number one sea coat

  9. #19
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    Captain Cain Jodin
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    Addendum to spoils request. 1 pair of .30 Cal caplock pistols.
    “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.” Margret Thatcher.

    Shot and powder

    Cavalry Saber

    Number one sea coat

  10. #20
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    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
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    31
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    Judgement

    Plot

    Story: 5

    This story concentrated on the Imperial Fleet attempting to take the Tradesman’s fleet, under Cain’s guidance, as a prize and therefore prolonging the Civil War. The story itself takes a little time to get going but is actually the right length for such a tale as this. It has good moments of tension and builds well, from the appearance of the heroic Jack O’Brian to the beginning of the chaos in post six, right the way through to the confrontation with the Grayling and the Dolly before Evans’s flees with the Tradesmen hot on his heels.

    One major criticism that can be made is that the conclusion of the thread, given the warm victory scene in the final post, was very sudden and flat and written very “matter-of-factly”. As a reader, I would have wanted to hear about what Cain might do next and what might potentially await him in the future. Instead, there was a brief description about what repairs had been made to the Peregrine and then two sentences about Cain’s rewards for his effort in repelling the Imperial Fleet.

    In the technique section below I touch upon the need for consistency, and this applies also to the way the story carries itself throughout the thread. Overall this was an enjoyable story, if not a little lost in the nautical details, but the conclusion hurt your score here. My advice would be to make those final stages of your story emphasise something that your character has learned or felt after the events that have happened – perhaps they have taken something valuable from the experience? Or perhaps they are left in a state of exhaustion? Maybe Cain would consider re-grouping and chasing the fleet? It’s always best to give the reader some closure.

    Setting: 5

    This is an area that felt quite mixed. Early on, there was a feeling that the some of the posts (chiefly the opening post in the port) could have also been given a little more attention. For example, the reader was made aware that there was this large, sprawling harbour and there didn’t seem to be any real description of the area. This was a little disappointing considering that a harbour of that sort of nature would usually be a hive of activity (and at one point you do mention Jack bursting through the “bustling” crowds, giving the impression that it was busy and certainly very active) and it felt as if a prime opportunity to grab the attention of the reader and pull him or her into the story early on had been missed.

    However, for the most part, the story was set on the Peregrine and the surrounding ships and it was an amalgamation of a lot of smaller technical details that brought these vessels, and their workings, to the forefront of the reader’s imagination. The writing displays a sound knowledge of such ships and their inner workings, but I did feel that there were sometimes a lack of description to add those badly needed splashes of colour and life to the bare bones of those details. This is touched upon again in technique and my advice here would be to help the reader visualise these details in their head and allow themselves to be pulled into the scene.

    Pacing: 6

    The pacing of the story began well enough, and was ok throughout, but perhaps suffered from the early grammatical issues that are addressed below. Despite a slow start, the tempo and tone of the thread picked up dramatically from post six as the Peregrine prepared itself for battle against the Imperial Fleet and the sailors on board the ship were throwing themselves around, barking orders at each other and readying the vessel.

    At that point, everything became quite exciting and the ensuing battle allowed the pace of the thread to remain at a constant, high-intensity level. As the end of the thread approached, the tempo understandably drops a couple of bars before completely flat-lining at the end as a result of the poorly written conclusion. There isn’t much more to say on this subject other than to advise that the story and pacing of your writing will often coincide with one another, so the upkeep of consistency in one will often help improve the other.

    Character

    Communication: 5

    The story has a number of characters in circulation and getting the various personas of these characters, and all of the conversations between them, over was something I felt would be a struggle. However, for the most part, this was something that you had a good attempt at.

    Cain’s obvious respect for Jack was conveyed well. A slight criticism would be that the conversations early in the thread seemed a little bland in that they were, from Cain’s perspective, perhaps a little too “starstruck”, but the following two posts in the thread showed more of what I would expect from a ship’s captain (“Cain retorted "The midshipman, was drunk on duty, and failed to render proper obedience. Further he needs to learn how not to drink so much cleaning greasy smelly and sometimes ...fermenting food will teach this lesson well and I won't have to use the cat." Cain referred of course to the cat and nine tails.”).

    I also enjoyed Jack’s dialogue as Cain’s companion on this adventure, and the part he played in conveying his respect to Cain’s position on board the ship as well as adding his own experience to the battle when it was required in the cold light of day. All that being said, it did feel as if the conversations between the other captains did seem quite nondescript and unexciting. Whilst there were a lot of nautical terms being used and discussed, there was very little else that made the reader want to bond with any of the other characters. My advice here would be to perhaps introduce little nuances for each of the supporting characters – perhaps an accent or a habitual stutter to make the dialogue, and their personalities, unique.

    Action: 6

    This category was one of your stronger ones in this thread. The majority of your character’s actions in the story have a purpose, which is always good, and are followed through with very few loose ends. Cain, Jack and the captains all behave in a way that befits their role in the story, and the way that you handled Jack’s character later on in the thread earned you some credit here as we saw him transform from advisor to reliable and experienced overseer during the battle with the Imperial Fleet. Cain also performed well in overseeing his ship and commanding it well under pressure, devising tactical plans to see off the threats that they encountered.

    Overall, as was touched upon above in dealing with the supporting characters, there could have more of a personality behind the actions of your other captains – something to separate them from the crowd – but otherwise the feeling was that the action catagory was well attended to.

    Persona: 4

    Whilst communication was about average, bordering on good, the feeling from the writing was that the actual personas of each character outside of Cain and Jack were not very well explored. The individual captains, Barton and company, were given very little in the way of individuality.

    The majority of Cain’s persona crept out in the middle-to-late stages of the thread, whereas in the early sections his character also seemed a little stoic. The way Cain deduces that the Imperial Fleet is coming to take the Tradesmen as a prize and prolong the Civil War is perhaps a little fast and not quite realistic, but shows that he has a good gut instinct and is prepared to act upon it.

    That said, there seemed to be a lot of dependency on external discussion to get a feeling for his personality, as there were not too many uses of internal thought. This also applies to Jack, although there seems to be a lot more indication of the type of person he is in the early stages of the thread. In this case the reader knew early on what to expect with him, and he lived up to that image.

    Prose

    Mechanics: 4

    Mechanically speaking, the thread seemed to be a mixed in terms of quality. Whilst there were a few obvious typos and spelling errors throughout, there were many grammatical errors within the first six or seven posts that couldn’t be ignored. These consisted mostly of a lack of proper punctuation. One example I can point to is in the opening paragraph of post one:

    “The Peregrines was once again in port it was one of the longest cruises that Cain had underwent the purpose was to make money.”

    Unfortunately, this is grammatically incorrect. A suggestion I could make to tidy that sentence up would be:

    “The Peregrines was once again in port. It was one of the longest cruises that Cain had undergone, and the purpose of it was to make money.”

    The opening lines in a piece of writing can be some of the most important because they are the sentences that pull the reader into the story. As, in this case, the reader of the piece I felt a little off-put by the first sentence and, in fact, the lack of punctuation in the entire opening post. These types of errors continued until the end of post six. Whilst still not ideal, from post seven onwards the punctuation improved. However, please be aware of the overuse of the semi-colon. There were a few examples where the lack of punctuation in the early parts of the thread seemed to be overcompensated by too many incorrect uses of the semi-colon later on (“They would never fetch his wake unless they tacked, however; they had been too far ahead for that.”).

    Clarity: 6

    The thread was mostly very clear, and there wasn’t a lot said or done that was particularly ambiguous or vague. The only issue that the reader would really have would be getting to grips with some of the finer nautical terminology. It is quite clear from the writing that you have a good understanding of maritime terms and use them here to really bring life to the Peregrine, but without a proper description of what some of these orders actually did to the ship it was sometimes hard to follow who was doing what. Other than this point, though, clarity was fairly solid throughout.

    Technique: 6

    Technique is another area where the writing struggled to make an impression upon the reader in the early stages, with large improvements made later on in the story. In the first five posts there was a lot of what I like to call very “matter-of-fact” writing, where actions were described very plainly and had very little descriptive technique applied to it. Whilst this made the posts very clear and the action within the story very easy to understand, it also made the early writing dull and quite nondescript.

    From post six onwards there was a lot more flavour to the writing. (“Below Cain the deck was like an ant hill kicked over”) and the reader could really start to imagine the chaos of a ship preparing for battle. It was at this point in the thread that the improvements that had been made really bled through into the writing and pulled the reader in, allowing them to feel as if they were actually watching the sailors prepare the ship for war. Your usage of various nautical terms within the dialogue also helped to bring specific maritime colour to the tale, and I could really visualise the shouting and panic above and below decks of sailors trying to get orders across. Well done on this part.

    Finally, the only other point to note in this category ties in with what was said about the conclusion of the story itself. When compared to the rather exciting middle section of your story, the conclusion was poorly written and seemed rushed. The key to a good piece of writing is to introduce, and maintain, a good consistency of technique throughout the entirety of a story from beginning to end and my suggestion would be to think about this for future pieces you may write.

    Wildcard

    Wildcard: 5

    What I really enjoyed about this particular thread was the high-intensity battle of wits as Cain and Jack tried to outwit the Imperial Fleet, eventually succeeding with the use of some quick thinking from the captain of the Peregrine. Well done!

    Total score: 52

    Judge's note

    As way of apology for the wait in having this thread judged, I have added a discretionary amount of 10% additional experience and gold to the rewards. After making the required deductions for your requested spoils, your total rewards are as follows:

    JDD2035 recieves 865 EXP and a pair of caplock pistols.

    Please note that the pistols do not have any ammunition. You will have to purchase bullets from the Bazaar seperately.

    Congratulations!

    Althanas Operations Administrator



    "When we were young, was this the dream we had? We're celebrating nothing. We need to find our way back."

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