The Princess And The Wanderer

[Sheex]

(Solo)

The prison walls had a dank sort of stench to them, and so did the rest of the prison cell. It was a rather large prison cell, probably built to hold about ten people or so. At the moment, however, only four people were lucky enough to occupy the place. There were four rotting benches, only two of which were being used at the moment. On one a man sat looking out the barred door (as well as at the fellow inmate in front of it), and on the other a man in a black trench coat was lazily lying down, almost as if he was asleep. One other inmate stared out the sole window, which had enough steel bars on it to prevent escape but still let a fresh breeze in.

“I’M INNOCENT! I DID NOTHING!” Screamed the man standing in front of the cell door as he ferociously yanked on the iron bars before him. All his screaming was to no avail, for no guard even answered the shouts. In fact, there wasn’t a guard to be seen. The iron bars were more than enough to prevent the four current prisoners from escaping.

“They didn’t answer for the last fifteen shouts. They probably won’t answer for the next one.” Muttered the man trying to sleep. The screamer apparently didn’t care, for he continued to shout at the top of his lungs. A sigh was heard from the man staring out the window as the man in the coat sat up and let out a loud yawn. Rubbing his eyes, Sheex Deltin surveyed his current residence.

Well, you’ve really done it this time Deltin. Prison. Sheesh. What rotten luck. Sheex tiredly thought to himself. He had been hoping to catch a little shuteye, but with a certain person yelling at the top of their lungs such a hope seemed futile. Deltin quickly picked up a pebble that rested on the cold stone floor below and took careful aim. In the next instant, the pebble soared through the air and smacked the yelling inmate right in the head. The man quickly spun about with an evil look in his eyes, and Sheex quickly reacted by looking about the prison cell.

“Man, is someone throwing rocks in here? Maybe it’s the just the wind…” Muttered Deltin as the other man sitting on a bench stifled a laugh. The screaming inmate glared at Deltin for a moment longer, and then turned his attention back to the iron bars. Sheex smacked his own forehead as the man went back to proclaiming his innocence.

“Next time use a bigger rock.” Muttered the sitting inmate. Sheex shrugged as he reached into his coat and produced a pack of cigarettes from one of his pockets. At least the guards were nice enough to allow me to continue my cancer producing habit. Thought Sheex as he quickly lit a cigarette and took a long drag. All in all, the wanderer had definitely seen better days.

“Mind if I bum one off you?” Asked the man on the bench. Sheex held out the pack and the man quickly walked over to grab a cigarette. Sheex tossed the man the pack of matches and offered a cigarette to the person looking out the window, who hesitated but eventually accepted the offer. Sheex would have offered the screaming man one, but that man seemed far too focused on giving the other three inmates a headache.

“So, what are you guys in here for?” Asked the formerly sitting inmate as he leaned against the wall and smoked his cigarette. The man looked like he was about thirty or so, while the other inmate next to Sheex looked about twenty-five. It seemed the entire group in the cell was quite a young group, except for the screaming inmate who appeared to be about forty (as well as overweight), but Sheex figured that guy really didn’t count.

“Defacing public property. I had the unfortunate luck of throwing a bottle at a statue of our lovely king…right next to a soldier.” Muttered the twenty-five year old inmate. Both Sheex and the other inmate raised their eyebrows, evoking a laugh from the speaking inmate.

“I know, that could be considered treason. I had to bribe the damn guard to get him to knock down the charges. What about you?” Said the twenty-five year old as he motioned towards the inmate leaning against the wall. That man just shook his head.

“I called my ex-wife a stupid whore. Forgot she was dating a guard. Wonder if it was the same bastard who caught you committing treason, er, defacing public property.” All three men let out a slight chuckle as cigarette smoke began to pollute the air, mixing quickly with the dank atmosphere. Not that any of the men seemed to care. Any onlooker would quickly realize that the three men were obviously not a health-conscious bunch.

“My, my gentleman. You guys just got in trouble with the guards? Looks like I win the prize on serious offenses. They threw me in here for hitting on someone.” Muttered Sheex as he tossed his spent cigarette to the ground. The two men gave him a puzzled look as Deltin leaned his head back, as if he had already completed the story.

“They threw you in here for making a pass at some bar maid?” Asked one of the inmates, evoking a sly smile from Sheex. The wanderer sat up and adjusted his coat, and for a moment even the screaming stopped. Apparently, the inmate next to the door had finally taken interest in something other than an exercise in futility.

“Bar maid? Hell no! Apparently, your royal highness the princess frequents bars! She even wore regular clothes…well; I guess they were sort of nice but hell…a damn princess! I think I beat my own record with this one.” Sheex finished his statement expecting a laugh, but all he received was stunned stares by his fellow inmates. Even the screamer had a look of awe upon his face now.

“Er, you were hitting on…the princess?” Asked one of the inmates in a soft voice. Sheex’s cocky composure was beginning to fade now, being replaced with a puzzled look. When Sheex nodded in response, another inmate shook his head and placed a hand on Sheex’s shoulder.

“Pal, I don’t know how to tell you this, but in this kingdom…no matter how stupid they are…the royalty treat themselves as Gods. The punishment for offending one of them is, well, death.” Said the inmate to a stunned Deltin. The wanderer’s first reaction was that it was some sort of sick joke, but the look on his fellow inmates eyes said that this was no laughing matter. Sheex quickly gulped and ran a nervous hand through his now sweating hair.

“You mean…because some bimbo princess…was hanging out a bar…for some unknown reason…dressed in common clothes…I’m gonna lose my life?” Asked Deltin, to which he received multiple nods. It took the stunned Sheex Deltin several seconds to collect his thoughts, and they he soon came up with a plan.

“I’M INNOCENT! I DID NOTHING” Screamed Sheex at the top of his lungs as he violently yanked at the steel bars preventing his escape.

[Sheex]

The warden whistled softly as he strolled down the corridor. The outside world was pretty chaotic, especially with the kingdom in its current sorry state of affairs. For almost fifteen years now the kingdom of Dunland had been at war with its neighbor Faleen, and there wasn’t a citizen that wasn’t getting sick of it. More than anything else the war was a political war, which meant that the nobility sent other young men off to die for their own selfish causes.

And that was why the Warden was so happy with his current post. Outside was brutal carnage, but in the prison there was peace. In the prison, the warden was the king. Turning the corner, two guards saluted him and together the group strolled towards one of the prison cells. At the moment, one of the prisoners had a meeting with a special someone.

As the three walked into the room, the warden carefully eyed the group. Apparently, one of them was screaming to be let out. Ironically, the one that was screaming was the one that the warden had been sent to retrieve. The man should be more careful when it came to what he wished for.

“That’s the one. Grab him.” Muttered the warden as he pointed to Sheex. Instantly Sheex began to back away from the cell door, quickly holding up his hands as he moved towards the back of the cell. The two guards quickly opened the door and grabbed Sheex by his arms and began to drag him away.

“Actually, on second thought, I changed my mind. I don’t want to be let out. I’ll stay in the prison.” Sheex managed to whimper as the two men dragged him over to another room. That’s it Deltin, it’s all over. Perhaps they’ll display your corpse in the courtyard as a warning to your fellow men. I can see the headline now, DON’T HIT ON ANY BIMBO PRINCESS! Thought Deltin sadly as the guards flung the door open and shoved Sheex into a seat.

It was a very small and simple room, with one table and two chairs each on opposite ends of that table. One of those seats was now occupied by the very distraught Sheex Deltin, and in the other sat some old lady in a robe. Perhaps it’s the princess’s grandmother, out to avenge the princess’s honor and sullied name. Sheex thought to himself sarcastically.

“Thank you both gentlemen. You are excused.” The old hag (at least that was what Deltin thought of her) said as she waved the two guards and the warden away. Obedient to a fault, the men instantly vanished. For a moment, not a word was spoken between the two. Sheex wisely spent that brief moment wondering which method of execution they would use to send him to the next world.

“So…um…how’s the weather today?” Asked Sheex, trying to stir up a bit of conversation. Of course, it probably wasn’t the most proper topic of discussion at the moment, but Sheex Deltin had never been one to worry about being proper. For that matter, Sheex actually had never been one to worry about manners either.

No response. Sheex squirmed about in his seat as the air seemed to somehow grow thicker by the moment. Whoever this lady was, she was really giving the poor wanderer the creeps. After today, Sheex would do his best to avoid princesses in bars and silent old hags in dungeons.

“Mr. Deltin, may I ask you a question? What kind of a man flirts with royalty in plain sight? Actually, what kind of a man would dare to flirt with royalty to begin with?” Asked the old lady, whose tone made it clear that this question was definitely a trick question. The way Sheex figured it, no mater what he said the wanderer was a dead man. And when faced with a choice like that, Deltin did the same thing he always did.

“A man with pretty big balls.” Deltin said before he had a chance to catch himself. No matter how bad the situation was, Sheex knew that he had a certain knack for making it worth. It was a point of pride for the wanderer, that and managing to get lost no matter how easy the road was to follow. Yet, when the lady spoke once more, Deltin realized he may have caught a lucky break of some sort.

“That was exactly the answer I was looking for, or at least close enough. I’d prefer a bit more courtesy, but I guess that’s too much to hope for.” Said the old hag, causing Sheex to raise his eyebrows. The last thing he wanted was this old person in front of him to be thinking about his balls.

“Um…okay…” Sheex said as he eyed the door. Maybe, just maybe, if he made a break for it he could make it out of the dungeon before the alarm was sounded. Then, it was only a small matter of dodging countless royal guards, and fleeing the city under the cover of darkness. All in all, Deltin thought his chances were about one out of a thousand, which wasn’t sounding too bad at the moment.

“You see Mr. Deltin, I happen to need a man with…big balls as you put it…” As soon as she was finished speaking, Sheex shot up out of his chair, knocking the wooden thing over as he moved. The wanderer quickly began to back away from this old hag.

“That’s it, I’m out! It’s nothing personal, but you talking about my balls…that just makes me really uncomfortable. Can I go back to my cell now?” Sheex asked his mysterious visitor. The old lady simply shrugged and motioned towards the door.

“If you want to be executed tomorrow morning, by all means.” Deltin frowned and sighed as he picked up the chair and sat back down. It seemed he was fresh out of good luck, but he was in no short supply of bad luck.

“Okay, you win. Who are you, and what exactly do you want from a guy like me?” Asked Sheex as he stared up at the stone ceiling. And whatever it is, please don’t let it be sex. Even I’m not that desperate. Sheex almost added, but decided against it. He was already in enough trouble.

“My name is Emma Vaine. Does that name sound at all familiar?” The woman asked, causing Deltin to think for several short seconds. Come to think of it, that name does sounds really familiar. Seems like I heard it only a little while ago. Emma simply watched silently as the gears in Sheex’s head began to turn. Finally, Emma could have sworn she heard a click when Sheex figured it out.

“The princess! The guard that threw me in here said never to insult the Vaine royal family line with my low birth and dirty blood! Sweet Jesus!” Sheex exclaimed. He could just see the man in black hood sharpening an axe as this old hag continued to play mind games. The woman smiled as everything finally fell into to place for the poor man in front of her.

“Yes. I’m her grandmother. Sheex, I have something you want to do for me.” Emma said as Sheex stumbled backwards into the corner. The wanderer cursed silently as he realized he missed the door and inadvertently trapped himself. All Sheex could do was wipe the sweat off his forehead and look back at Emma. However, he was not so caught up in fearing for his life that he was unable to give himself a bit of credit. Princess’s grandmother. Yup. Totally called that one.

“And, what pray tell, could a lowly commoner with dirty blood do for such a noble and highborn person? Why, you’ve got clean blood and everything!” Sheex stated, being slightly sarcastic at the end. Sheex had been called many things in his life, but someone with “dirty-blood” was a new one. But all the alcohol in the world wouldn’t have prepared Deltin for what Emma was about to say.

“Sheex, I want you to rescue my granddaughter, the princess.”

[Sheex]

“I think you may have misunderstood just what it is I actually do. Now I don’t blame you, after all, Althanas just happens to be filled with numerous heroes. I’m sure, at least in this world, if you need a hero to save your granddaughter, there’s almost always one nearby ready to take the job. Unfortunately…I’m just not that guy.”

Emma raised her eyebrows as Sheex began to explain himself. The wanderer knew he had to choose his words carefully, and he had to be even more careful explaining to this woman that he just was not the man she was looking for. In fact, if Emma knew the type of guy Sheex Deltin was, she would have never even considered asking for his help in this most delicate matter. Still, Emma deserved an explanation, and Sheex was determined to give her one.

“Now, there are plenty of heroes who chase villains. Myself, I prefer to chase women. There are those who search for a great power so that they may better serve mankind. I’d rather search for a great drink. There are mighty warriors who quest to slay dragons and demons. I quest to get laid. And let’s not forget the people who instantly rush to the aid of a damsel in distress, regardless of what harm lies before them. Lady, I’m the guy trying to get the damsel out of her dress.”

All in all, Sheex thought his argument had been well developed as well as fool proof. The fact that Emma shook her head with a look of disappointment fixed upon her face was proof. It wasn’t that Sheex didn’t want to help the princess (she was pretty good-looking, even for a bimbo princess); it was just that Sheex was not the right person for this job. Once Emma saw that, she had to let Sheex go. Sheex wasn’t exactly sure of how he had arrived at that conclusion, but it was what he hoped for nonetheless.

“Mr. Deltin, if I knew someone else who could handle this, do you really think I would have come to you? At this point, I’d take a child wielding a toy sword, but I’m afraid the palace doesn’t let their children out past their bedtime. No Mr. Deltin, no matter how much I hate admit it, you’re the only person available to me.” It was a statement that saddened both Sheex as well as Emma. Emma was sad because it was obvious that the man before her was a buffoon, and Sheex was sad because this adventure would probably shorten his already short life expectancy.

“This deal is simple. You find my granddaughter and bring her back safely, and you’re off the hook. The charges will be dropped, and you won’t lose your head for practically violating a member of the royal family. What’s your answer?” Asked Emma, looking hard at the wanderer. Sheex could only sigh as he realized that there was only one answer he could give. I have to go save the bimbo princess. Man, usually rescuing beautiful women is something I love to do, although albeit not for heroic reasons. But I got a feeling this broad’s going to be more trouble than she’s worth.

“Well, I fail to see how telling a girl that she’s good looking is equivalent to violating her, but I guess I’ve got to accept. Now, how do we exactly escape these luxurious accommodations?” As soon as he finished speaking, Emma rose out of her seat and headed to the wall. Sheex heard a clicking noise, and very slowly the wall swung open. Well there’s something you don’t see every day. Course, you don’t usually end up in a dungeon on your average day either. At least I don’t.

“And I fail to see how saying my granddaughters ass is more beautiful than the rising moon is calling a girl good looking.” Muttered Emma as the two headed down the dark passage. Perhaps sending this man after the princess was not exactly the greatest of ideas, but Emma knew she had no choice in the matter. She only prayed that this drunkard could keep his hands off her granddaughter.

In several minutes the two were outside of the castle walls. Sheex looked up to realize that night had fallen, and the dark sky was alight with the twinkle of numerous stars. Had it been different circumstances, Sheex might have commented on the beauty of the night, but instead he just adjusted his coat and stared out at the road ahead of him. This journey was not going to be a fun one, that much was pretty obvious. However, one good thing was that Sheex would be able to see that princess again. He figured he owed her a little payback for sending those guards after him during that tavern escapade.

“So Grandma, er, your majesty. I’ve but two questions for you. First off, which way did your lovely princess go? Second, why is it that you can’t send…say…a royal guard?” Sheex asked, hearing a sigh from Emma as he did so. Turning back to face her, Sheex could see the old lady shake her head with sadness. She remained silent for a moment, and then began to star up at the starry sky above.

“I can’t send the royal guards because the king has forbidden me to. You see, Mr. Deltin, this kingdom is falling apart. We’ve been at war now for ages, and each side keeps trying to one-up the other. My son, the king, stole Faleen’s royal emblem, which is something that Faleen thinks is quite dear. In response, Faleen kidnapped the king’s son.” Instantly Sheex raised both of his eyebrows in shock. Quite frankly, Sheex had always thought that war was a stupid thing, and he tried to avoid it as much as possible. The words Emma had just said were proof of that fact.

“You’re telling me your king won’t trade one lousy emblem for his son? That’s some sort of twisted joke, right? I mean, that’s really, really, really, pathetic.” It was a harsh statement, and Emma agreed with it. All she could do was sadly nod her head as the wanderer shook his very own. Quite frankly, Sheex was not too impressed with this kingdom. Terrible parents, bimbo princesses, over-zealous guards, and he still couldn’t get over being called dirty blooded. It wasn’t really insulting; it was just kind of stupid.

“Both the princess and the prince are children of a previous marriage. Suffice to say, the king’s new queen does not like them. In fact, she hates them. There’s no real reason I suppose. I guess that anyone who can compete for the king’s attention is an enemy to the queen. When my granddaughter heard there would be no trade, she set off on her own, and the queen coaxed my son into sacrificing their lives so that the kingdom could prosper. It’s so stupid…” Emma’s voice slowly faded into silence as she finished her sentence. Sheex sighed and ran a hand through his hair, realizing that if this was a sob story, Emma sure knew how to make a good one.

“Okay, ya got me. Just point me in the direction she went. I’ll save the bimbo princess…er, no offence intended.” Sheex said as he smiled. Even Emma cracked a bit of a thin smile at Sheex’s remark. She then handed Sheex a map and pointed southward. Of course, Sheex knew that the map would be utterly useless in his hands, since the wanderer couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag. Hopefully the princess would be better at directions.

“Well, I thought I might have to warn you that if you tried to run away, I’d tell the guards that you were in league with the kidnappers, but I guess that won’t be necessary. And as for calling the princess a bimbo…I’ll overlook it since you’re going to help. Although, to be honest, she is quite stubborn.” Sheex gave out a hearty laugh at that remark as he remembered the incident in the tavern. Sheex had simply made a remark about her figure (not very eloquently), and she had immediately yelled to a nearby guard that Sheex had “impugned her honor.” The rest was history.

“Here, you’ll need these. Good luck Mr. Deltin.” Emma said as she produced Sheex’s daggers from her pocket. She handed them back to Sheex, who graciously thanked her. With a little luck, Sheex wouldn’t need them, but judging from the day so far he was pretty sure that luck was a quantity he was running out of. Good luck anyway.

“All right then, I’m off to play hero. Hmph. A princess and a wanderer…at least it’ll make a good story.” Said Sheex as he waved good-bye and vanished into the night.

[Sheex]

“I should have asked how she expected me to find the stupid princess.” Muttered Sheex as he stumbled aimlessly into the first town on the map. Thankfully the layout of the kingdom was simple, the towns seemed to be on a direct line to Faleen, each being just a bit closer to the border than the last. Speaking logically, the closer to the border the higher chance there was of finding someone from Faleen, which meant that the princess would most likely by heading towards the border towns. Sheex just had to make sure to catch her before she got too far.

But what Sheex needed at the moment was information, for he found that he had very little to go on. Sure, he knew what the princess looked like due to the previous encounter, but not much past that. Still, it was better than nothing. Yeah, I don’t I’ll be forgetting what she looked like any time soon. Jet black hair, snow white skin, a little over five and a half feet tall, and an ass so beautiful it’s a shame she has to sit on it. Not a bad chest size either. Of course, Sheex would probably have to edit that description a bit when he asked about her, but it was better than nothing. Then again, Sheex didn’t even know what the princess’s name actually was. Paying attention to current events was never really Sheex’s style.

Sheex continued to muddle over that information as he swung open the doors to a nearby tavern that also served as an inn. Instantly Sheex’s senses were bombarded by the sudden change in atmosphere. The cool and crisp night air evaporated into a musky and dank smelling atmosphere, filled with slumped over drunks and over-worked barmaids. And as the floorboards creaked as he strolled over to the closet table, Sheex could not help but smile. The wanderer loved taverns.

As soon as he managed to sit down a barmaid appeared at the edge of his small wooden table. Sheex had gotten lucky. This bar maid was fairly good-looking. In his experience, there were two types of barmaids. There were that fat ones and the good-looking ones. The fat ones were always very nice, but weren’t much to look at. The good-looking ones were hit on by almost every male patron, and were sometimes in a foul mood. Still, the smart good-looking ones knew that a pretty smile meant bigger tips. In actuality, most people probably wouldn’t have categorized bar maids into just those two groups, but Sheex liked to keep things simple.

“What’ll it be hon?” The barmaid asked, her voice filled with enough charm to make most men smile. Sheex imaged that this particular woman was quite popular with the customers around here. If Sheex had to guess, he’d say the woman was about twenty three, about five foot nine…Keep it together Sheex. You’ve got to save the bimbo princess. No time for the ladies yet…but I’ll be sure to put it on the to do list.

”Just a beer, my dear. Hey, that kind of rhymes.” Sheex said with a chuckle as the barmaid quickly vanished, apparently unimpressed. Sighing, Sheex turned his attention back to his small map, which he had laid out on the table. Okay, Bimbo Princess is probably looking to take the fastest route to the border. Also, she’s can’t be that far ahead of me, seeing as how I just saw her earlier today. She’s also keeping a low profile, which would explain the lack of royal clothes she was wearing when I ran into her. I wonder how far bimbo princesses can walk in one day…

~*~*~*~

The woman impatiently tapped her foot while she waited for the barkeep to make his way over to her. Apparently, the barkeep was both the manager of the bar as well as the inn, and all problems needed to be directed to him. Unfortunately, the man was also trying to serve drinks at the same time, meaning that there happened to be a bit of a line, and the woman was at the end of it.

She was young, only having just turned twenty years old. Her black hair was combed back, except for several strands that fell forward in front of her face which actually made her look even prettier. Her outfit was plain but well made, consisting of a slightly decorated blue top that was tied off at her neck and left just a bit of her chest exposed as well as a black skirt that extended past her knees. She also wore a dark black jacket, which seemed to be made up of finer material than the rest of the outfit. The one thing that didn’t fit with the outfit was the black boots. The reason for that being that while the outfit was made to show off just a little bit, those boots were made for rough walking. All in all, she was pretty cute.

“Excuse me? All I need is a towel so I can take my shower in peace and dry myself off! Where can I find one?” She almost shouted at the bar keep, who at this point was busy mixing some sort of strange drink. The slightly overweight man simply held up a finger, signaling that the lady would just have to wait a bit longer. The foot began to tap even more impatiently, sending a wooden knocking sound throughout the tavern.

“I got plenty of towels babe. Just come to up my room!” Shouted one of the bar patrons, causing the woman to roll her eyes in exasperation. She was not in the mood to be hit on, or for that matter, even talked to by these low-life drunks. What is it with everyone today? Seems like the perverts are out in force today…and the service here stinks. I knew I should have stayed at the fancier inn…

~*~*~*~

“Forget the towels! I bet you look way better when you’re wet!” Sheex fired off, still not looking up from his map. An immediate roar of laughter erupted from a number of tables, and a chorus of agreement could be heard in the background. Had he had the time, Sheex would have liked to see whom he was shouting at, but his mind was preoccupied at the moment. He still wasn’t exactly sure if he should search this town, or hurry to the next one. Sheex figured it was a fifty-fifty shot, but he knew that if he messed up he’d probably lose track of the princess for a long time. Plus, his beer had just arrived, and there was no sense in not staying to finish it.

But before he could take his first sip a sudden force slammed into Sheex, nearly causing him to spill his beer all over the table. Acting quickly, Sheex’s hands lashed out to catch the mug, barely managing to avert disaster. Which was a good thing, since Sheex hated to waste good alcohol. After all, he was quite thirsty. All this bimbo princess chasing could sure tire a man out.

“Sorry about that. My friend needs to learn to watch where he’s going.” A man dressed in a black suit with long silver hair said as he placed a hand on Sheex’s shoulder. Looking up, Sheex noticed the man was flanked by two other rather well built men in the same outfits, with the exception of a black cape draped over their shoulders. All in all, picking a fight with the three of them was not the greatest idea, which was all right with Sheex anyway. He considered himself to be more of a lover than a fighter.

“No harm no foul.” Sheex replied as he raised his mug, showing that the precious alcohol was still safe. The silver haired man smiled and nodded as he began to walk towards the bar. Ah, precious alcohol. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… Sheex thought to himself as he took a long sip of the beverage. A satisfied smile appeared on the wanderer’s face as he turned his attention back to the task at hand.

~*~*~*~

“Be more careful Dimitry. Learn to watch where you’re going.” Muttered the silver haired man as the trio made their way up the stairs. Moving quickly, the three dashed down the hall, scanning the room numbers of each room. When they reached the room at the end of the hall, the group came to a halt. Dimitry reached into his cape and put his hand on the steel broad sword that was concealed there.

“My apologies Hannibal. It won’t happen again.” Dimitry said as the third man stood in front of the door, placing a single hand on his own broad sword as well. The man looked at Hannibal, who at this moment was the only man who did not have his hands over a weapon. Hannibal gave one last look down the hall to make sure no one was there, and nodded towards the man staring at him.

The man leapt forward with all his might, slamming his foot into the wooden door before him. This building was primarily a tavern, and although it doubled as an inn the accommodations were far from luxurious. The cheap wooden door quickly buckled against the force of the blow and swung open, and both men quickly yanked out their broad swords and rushed inside the room. Hannibal waited for a moment, and the two came out shaking their heads.

“Not in there.” Dimitry muttered as he re-sheathed his sword and appeared at the doorway. Hannibal clucked his tongue and glanced over Dimitry’s shoulder and into the room, where the third man was checking the sole window in the entire room. Judging from the clicking noise and the man’s inability to open the window, Hannibal assumed it was locked. That meant that no one had quickly leapt out the window earlier, since no window could be locked from outside.

“This is problematic. Ivan! Are you sure this is the right room?” Asked Hannibal, to which the man at the window nodded. On the bright side, the room still looked like it had been recently been occupied. Hannibal crossed his arms and considered his options when he heard an annoyed voice from the other side of the hall.

“Took him long enough. You’d think a towel is a precious commodity or something! And I can’t believe that overweight bartender was so rude to me! I swear, when I return…” The woman and Hannibal locked eyes for a moment, effectively stopping the woman from whatever she was about to say. The woman’s eyes went wide as Hannibal quickly motioned towards the two other men standing by him. In the next second, the woman had dropped her all-important towel and was bolting down the stairs.

[Sheex]

Sheex had just finished off his drink and was contemplating ordering another one when a sudden blur shot out of nowhere and slammed into him. Sheex instantly felt himself fly out of his chair as he lost his grip on his empty beer mug. The mug flew up into the air as Sheex fell down, and the man had just enough time to glimpse who it was that ran into him before that mug landed squarely on Sheex’s head. The wanderer cried out in pain as his head began to throb, apparently Sheex had not yet consumed enough alcohol to dull the pain. He’d have to work on that.

"Stupid bimbo! Watch where you’re going!” Shouted Sheex at the female figure who was momentarily shaken by the collusion, but in no time had regained her balance and was heading for the door. It really said something about the world when a person smashed into another person and failed to even offer the slightest bit of apology. Sheex would have felt sad if his head hadn’t been hit with that beer mug. Instead of sadness, Sheex felt a bit of rage along with a headache.

“Watch where you’re sitting!” Responded the still running lady. Before Sheex even had the time to come up with a witty remark the woman was already out the door and her footsteps where quickly fading as she put more and more distance between herself and the tavern. Sheex, along with a majority of the tavern, looked back towards the staircase to see exactly just who or what had the woman so terrified only to see a not so threatening empty staircase. Puzzled, a majority of the bar simply dismissed the matter as a strange but unimportant event. Even the owner merely shrugged and went back to serving drinks. He had seen stranger things.

“You okay hon?” Asked the same blond barmaid who had brought him his drink as she helped Sheex to his feet. In response, Sheex gently touched his forehead, wincing slightly at the split second of pain he felt. But, it was nothing life threatening, and all it had really done was put Sheex in a bit of a foul mood. That was twice he had been interrupted while he was trying to drink. What was it with the world and its inability to let the wanderer enjoy a nice drink now and then? Although to be honest, Sheex did drink a bit more frequently than just now and then.

“I’ve been run into by worse things.” Sheex muttered as he thanked the barmaid. Well, now I’m definitely in no mode to go princess hunting. But then again, I do wonder… Sheex pondered to himself as he glanced at the staircase. No one had yet to come chasing after the woman, which probably meant she was just trying to skip out on paying the barkeep for something. Or better yet, maybe she lost a bet and had to sleep with something repulsive. Sheex decided that it was probably the former (although the latter was pretty funny), but it probably couldn’t hurt to find out was up there. Mumbling softly to himself about the impoliteness of people nowadays, Sheex slowly began to trudge up the stairs.

~*~*~*~

“Christ, there she goes!” Muttered Dimitry as he began to dash after the fleeing woman. Yet Hannibal’s hand quickly shot out, grabbing the man by the shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. Dimitry glanced back at his leader, who simply shook his head at the man as he brought him into the room where Ivan was.

“Not that way. It’ll look too suspicious if everyone sees one lone woman running from three men. We’ll go out the window. Forget about the lock, just break the damn thing open Ivan!” Hannibal ordered as he released his hold on Dimitry and pointed to a small wooden chair that occupied the center of the room. In an instant Ivan had snatched up the chair and flung it at the locked window, instantly shattering the glass into hundreds of small glittering pieces. Hannibal smiled as he motioned towards the ladder that acted as a fire escape. One after another, all of the black suited men quickly descended down the ladder and after their target, Hannibal smiling as he quickly slid down the later at a rapid pace. We’re close now; I can still hear her footsteps! There’s no way a stuck up brat can out run all three of us!

~*~*~*~

The woman’s breath was becoming short and rapid while her face began to turn red with exhaustion. All though her body was anything but overweight (in fact, she looked quite slender), she was simply not use to running this fast in this short a period of time. Only seconds ago she had heard the shattering of glass as well as a number of objects hit the stone street. She could only assume that those thugs had decided to go out the back way instead of chase after her directly, which was bad. She had hoped that someone in the bar would have been nice enough to either stop them or help her. It didn’t occur to her that no one really wants to help someone who rolls their eyes at everyone around her and slams into people without apologizing.

The woman jerked violently as she took a sudden right turn, sending a spray of stone and dust into the crisp night air that was doing little to cool her down. Despite the cool breeze that softly made its way through the city streets, the black-haired woman felt she was running through a desert or something of equal heat. The fact that those footsteps behind her were getting louder and louder was also not a comforting circumstance. In fact, it was actually quite a panic-inducing circumstance.

Damn…Which way to go? Left or right? Why must all these streets be so confusing? Which way is out of here? The woman thought to herself as she saw a fork in the road up ahead. The footsteps were mere seconds away now, and the woman knew that those men would see her the minute they turned the corner. Panic-stricken and out of breath, she felt herself trip over her own two feet and she began to fall face first towards the cold ground below. She quickly closed her eyes and braced herself for what she knew would be a painful impact as well as her soon to be capture. Yet she never hit the ground, for a sudden hand snaked out of nowhere, clamping itself tightly over her mouth.

She quickly opened her eyes as she felt her feet fly off the ground and into the air, while she found another hand wrap itself around her waist and pull her tightly next to a warm something. It took her a moment to figure out that the something was actually a person, and the second she did realize that she let out a scream, which only came out as a muffled cry thanks to the hand clamped firmly across her mouth. Her eyes quickly scanned her captor as the wind flew by them as whoever had grabbed her ran full speed towards a nearby alley.

“It’s me or them babe and I don’t have a sword in my hands. I suggest you keep your mouth shut if you want to stay hidden.” Muttered the man who had her firmly in his grasp. Try as she might to see her captor, all she could make out was the man’s black trench coat that whipped around them as they ran, as well as the empty glass bottle in the hand around her waist. Puzzled but helpless, she knew it was only a matter of time before she was either in the arms of the men behind her or this man did what he pleased. The thought of what this new captor might want was not pleasing, causing more muffled screams to escape her lips.

“Shut up you dumb bimbo!” The man said in a harsh whisper with no short amount of rage in his voice. The effect was just what the man intended, for the woman instantly obeyed his harsh command and ceased her struggles. The woman saw the man fling the empty bottle he was carrying far off into the night sky, and then in the next moment she felt herself being thrown into a reeking pile of garbage along with whoever had dragged her this way. Immediately she began kicking and screaming as the smell began to creep its way into her nose, causing an immediate feeling of nausea to well up in her stomach. Yet the man quickly tightened his grip around her, quickly cutting of all movement and sounds she could have made.

~*~*~*~

“Damn! Which way did she go Ivan?” Hannibal muttered as he caught up to the minion who had been first to turn the corner. Both Ivan and Dimitry had their broad swords out in their hands in order to keep any would be heroes far away from the pursuit. Yet Ivan only shook his head in response to Hannibal’s question, signaling that he had not seen which way she went. Hannibal nearly began to swear a number of profusely foul words when a sudden shattering of glass could be heard off in the distance.

“That’s got to be her! Move it!” Ordered Hannibal as both Dimitry and Ivan nodded. Instantly the three men shot down the left fork in the road, hoping that in her rush the woman had stumbled and broken something. Come on Lord! Make her blunder! Once we have her, we’ll have all we need! Hannibal prayed as the trio dashed like rabid dogs down the street. The irony of the moment never really dawned on Hannibal, since he never really considered that God probably doesn’t answer prayers that involve the kidnapping of young women.

~*~*~*~

The two lay silently still amidst the reeking trash while a number of footsteps flashed passed the hidden couple. Despite her earlier protests, the woman had finally decided to stop struggling, which was a blessing that her captor had really needed. Of course, this blessing only lasted until the footsteps had faded out of hearing, and then she began her struggle anew. She wormed and kicked as she tried to fight free from the iron grip that held her tight, and to her surprise, it worked.

“Get your filthy hands of me! How dare you, you filthy, disgusting, perverted, no good…” This list of insults went on as she struggled to her feet, desperately trying to escape the smell that was probably now permanently fixed to her clothes. Shouting and cursing, she stumbled out of the garbage and turned to glare at whoever had grabbed her. Of course, if she were in danger, the smart move would have been to run while the man was stunned, but then again this woman wasn’t exactly street-smart. All she did was continue to call her captor foul names, most of which insinuated that he was a womanizing, leeching, ass-grabbing bastard. Or something along those lines. The man in black simply smiled a sarcastic smile as he looked back at the now very red-faced screaming woman.

“Nice to see you haven’t changed your opinion of me princess.” Muttered Sheex as he pulled himself out of the surrounding garbage. What a royal pain in the ass. Thought Sheex to himself as the woman finally shut up.

[Sheex]

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m no princess. I’m just a simple town girl, that’s all.” Stammered the woman as she slowly backed away from Sheex. However, Sheex didn’t even show that much interest in her, instead turning his attention back to the pile of garbage that they had hid in. Wrinkling his nose at the smell (it was a cross between burnt hair and bird droppings), he slowly shifted through the garbage before him as if he was searching for something.

“You really don’t know how to lie that well. Besides, how could I forget your lovely face? And even if I did forget that particular picture of beauty, I’d remember your fine ass. That ass almost got me beheaded.” Sheex said making sure to add a bit of sarcasm to his last sentence. Instantaneously the woman turned red with anger and opened her mouth to once more unleash a long line of insults. For a princess, this particular woman did not strike Sheex as a very polite and well-mannered young lady. But Sheex paid her little heed as he found what he was looking for and quickly yanked out from the mess a small, but surprising heavy, black bag.

“Why you…you deserve whatever punishment you get you stupid pervert! And that’s my bag!” The woman screamed as she made a desperate lunge at Sheex, who quickly stepped to the side while sticking out his left foot. The end result was a cry from the woman as she tripped over Sheex’s foot and fell headfirst back into the garbage, this time with her mouth wide open. Immediately she began to writhe about, not only sending garbage every which way but also managing to cover herself with even more foul-smelling objects.

“HA! Oh, that so makes up for nearly getting me killed! Hope you had a nice trip, and I’ll see you next fall!” Sheex said while continuously laughing (as well as pointing) at the clumsy woman before him. Eventually, the woman managed to free herself from the garbage, and she quickly stood up and began to toss off the banana peel that clung to her shoulder. After removing what garbage had remained on her, she quickly glared at Sheex with a fierce fire in her eyes.

“You bastard! What kind of man trips a woman into a pile of garbage? Now give me back that bag!” She screamed, but this time she knew better than to lunge at the man before her. At long last, all those times Sheex had been stuck in tough situations were paying off. After all, ducking swords and other sharp objects (most of which wouldn’t have been swung in the first place if Sheex kept his mouth shut) made you quite nimble, and what better way to put that speed good use than to tease a bimbo princess?

“The same type of man who nearly gets killed for hitting on a princess! Now, you can either calm down, or continue your exercise of futility. Personally, I hope you choose the second option, because I get a kick of humiliating royalty.” Sheex said as he slung the black bag in his hand over his shoulder. The woman quickly leaped at Sheex, clawing violently at the bag over his shoulder. In response, Sheex quickly stuck out his right hand and gently shoved the princess’s forehead. Once again, the woman was back into the pile of garbage.

In keeping with her current tactic, the woman once more began to thrash about, but she quickly came to a stop when Sheex walked over to her and offered his hand. She gave the wanderer a hard stare, but finally accepted his offer and reached up. Sheex quickly yanked her to her feet, causing her to lose her balance and stumble into Sheex, who quickly caught her with both of his hands while letting out a sly chuckle.

“Jeez princess, I know I saved your life and all, but that’s no reason to throw yourself at me. But, then again, I guess palace life must be pretty dull. All that excitement get your juices flowing?” Sheex said with a grin, which quickly became an expression of pain as the woman brought her hand back and delivered a harsh slap into Sheex’s cheek. His face flared with pain as she gave him a good shove, forcing the wanderer back into a wall. On the bright side, she still hadn’t managed to get her bag back.

“That is enough! I am not a princess, and that is my bag! You will return it!” She barked, causing Sheex to just shake his head. Without a doubt, this lady was definitely the girl he was looking for. After all, she honestly expected that simply shouting out orders would get people to do what she wanted. A sure sign of royalty.

“Look babes. Maybe barking orders gets things done in the palace, where you have people to do everything for you. But, in the real world, simply yelling at people won’t get them to do what you want. In fact, it will usually get you the exact opposite. By the way, if you’re trying to pass yourself off as a commoner, you really shouldn’t carry things like this around.” Sheex muttered as he quickly unzipped the bag and reached inside. He quickly produced a short-sheathed sword, which while not a very deadly weapon, was certainly a very expensive one. The hilt was laced with gold as well as rubies. The sword itself was made of mithril, which Sheex had realized when he had unsheathed the blade on the way here. The sheath itself was also made of a finely polished wood, and although Sheex did not know exactly what type he was willing to bet it was way out of his price range.

At last the bimbo had shut up. This time she merely stood shocked instead of sending a long list of names at the wanderer. She took several steps back, only to realize that all that laid behind her was a pile of garbage, and she had no desire to end up in there again. Sheex simply smiled as he casually tossed the sheathed sword from hand to hand.

“Little expensive for a commoner wouldn’t you say? I mean, the hilt is gold for crying out loud! Even trained soldiers don’t buy weapons like this! Only someone with pretty deep pockets can afford something as pricey as this little thing, so can we please drop the act already? I’m not that dumb you know.” Sheex said as the girl finally nodded her head in acceptance. Sheex looked over his shoulder to check if those men were on their way back, but it seemed like Sheex’s little ruse had tricked them pretty good. It was the first thing that had actually gone right today.

“Great! Well now, I believe introductions are in order! The name’s Sheex Deltin, no fancy titles or anything else please. Just plain old Sheex will do just fine. And you are?” Sheex said as the woman hung her head. Apparently the cat was out of the bag so to speak, which meant that she was pretty much out of options. Sheex decided she was much easier to deal with when she was quiet.

“Lila. Lila Vaine.” She said in a very soft voice sounding of defeat. Apparently the fiery vixen from earlier had vanished, and instead had left Sheex with a much quieter woman. Of course, with the way she hung her head it made the situation look like Sheex was part of the abductors. It was actually pretty ironic.

“Well I dare say it’s a pleasure to meet you. And there’s no need to look so glum, it’s not like I’m here to kidnap you or anything. I’m just here to take you back home, and then we can go our separate ways. I’ll go back to being a drunk, and you can go back to doing whatever it is that princesses do. Sound good?”

Sheex had been expecting a nod of acceptance or something to that effect. Instead, the girl simply shook her head with a sad look upon her face. Sheex was puzzled, to say the very least. Of course, seeing as how the wanderer had been hit on the head with a beer mug earlier, he did have a bit of an excuse for his slow wits. It eventually did dawn on him why she looked so glum though.

“Oh yeah…about your bro…don’t worry so much. It’s not like anything bad will happen to him. Besides, the streets are no place for a princess. Best to leave it to others, right? You do what you do best, like go shopping and buy skimpy outfits. At least, that’s what a lot of girls do. Bet you look good in a mini-skirt.” Sheex said with a smile as he tried to look Lila in the eyes. She simply averted her gaze and continued to stare at the floor. Okay. What happened? The princess I remember should be furious about now, threatening me with divine justice or something like that. Did someone replace the girl right in front of me?

“Your so stupid. You just don’t get it do you? My father doesn’t care! My stupid stepmother will be happy to see him go! No ones going to help him! Nobody gives a damn!” The princess said as she stomped her foot in anger. She gave Sheex a harsh glare, which quickly killed the smile on his face. Instinctively, the wanderer took a step back, for usually with that glare came a slap. But, Sheex figured he was pretty far out of reach.

“Hey! Don’t look at me like that! If I don’t get you back, you know what happens to me?” Sheex said as he made a chopping motion with his right hand. Emma had been pretty clear on what the deal was. A live princess bought Sheex his freedom. A dead princess bought Sheex a date with an executioner, and Sheex was quite fond of his head where it was at the current moment, namely attached to his neck.

“Yeah. Go ahead and make excuses. Whatever helps you sleep at night!” Lila muttered as she began to walk past Sheex. Of course, she stopped when Sheex’s had shot out in front of her. In the next moment, Sheex gave her a hard shove landing the woman once more back into the pile of garbage that was quickly beginning to conform to her shape. She gave Sheex a harsh glare, but faltered when Sheex returned it with one of his own.

“Oh, poor little baby. You’ve got it so rough don’t you? Servants wait on you night and day, daddy takes care of all your problems, and if anyone angers you all you have to do is snap your fingers and a legion of guards will quickly rush to help you. Such a tough little life you’ve got. How do you ever survive?”

“Shut up! My brother’s been kidnapped and you dare to mock me?”

“So? In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not the only one with problems. People die everyday, what makes you so damn important? Stupid royalty walks around like they’re better than the average villager. What makes your brother’s life worth more than the kid who starves because of your taxes? Answer me that, and I’ll let you go.”

Lila glared at Sheex, but for the life of her couldn’t think of an answer. Even if she could think of one, Lila knew she wouldn’t even believe it herself. In her heart, she knew that Sheex was right. With a sigh of defeat, she shook her head and curled up into a ball. Apparently she didn’t care that she was in a pile of garbage.

“No answer? Good. Let’s get going princess.” Sheex muttered as he yanked her up and the two began to walk down the street. For several minutes the two walked in silence, but eventually Lila looked up. When she did, she immediately came to a complete stop.

“Are you lost or something?” She asked as Sheex put back the sword he had been carrying into the bag that was still over his shoulder. He smiled softly and shook his head at the princess before him.

“No, but I often am. Why do you ask?”

“Because the palace is that way.” Lila said as she pointed in the exact opposite direction that the two of them were heading. Expecting a rude remark of some sort, Lila had no problem admitting that she was very surprised when Sheex nodded his head in agreement, but continued to walk in the exact opposite direction.

“Yeah, what’s your point?” Sheex asked as he pulled out the map that Emma had given him. Okay, scratch this town. Those bad dudes are probably going to be pretty confused at what to do next. I bet if we avoid the roads we can avoid them as well…

“But, isn’t that where we’re headed?” Lila asked completely and utterly confused. Apparently, she couldn’t quite piece together what was happening. Sheex gave her a quick glance, quickly coming to a conclusion about her. She was a bimbo, no doubt about that.

“Your brother isn’t in that direction. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think your brother’s life is worth more than the starving kid, but that doesn’t mean I want him to die or anything. I want to save them both. Sound good?” Sheex asked, receiving a stare from Lila. For a moment, Sheex actually thought she was going to tell him to get lost and that she didn’t need a drunks help, but eventually she nodded her head. Sheex still hadn’t gotten her to smile though.

“All right then. Let’s get going flower girl.” Sheex stated as the two reached the town exit. He looked back to see Lila giving him a puzzled look. Obviously, that statement was past her education level. It was definitely a good thing he decided to help her; she’d be dead or worse otherwise. Damn, I’m no hero. Who the hell taught me these morals? I owe them a punch in the face.

“Flower girl?” Lila asked as the two exited the town. The fresh night air quickly raced around them, cooling Sheex off. The sky above twinkled with countless stars to light the young pair’s journey, a journey that would no doubt be trouble. But, then again, if a damsel is in distress Sheex just had to help her out. It was one of his actually better qualities, albeit one that got him into a lot of trouble.

“Lila is a flower you silly princess. Quite a pretty one too. Not as pretty as you of course.” Sheex said as he brushed back a strand of Lila’s hair that had fallen forward into her face. He was surprised to see that her defeated look had been replaced with a smile. When she wasn’t yelling or attacking him, this girl was actually pretty damn cute.

“Oh? What’s this? Princess Lila Vaine dares smile at the lowly Sheex Deltin? My luck’s changing for the better already.”

[Sheex]

“It really isn’t that hard to understand. Your kingdom is way too zealous when it comes to enforcing laws.”

“You’re only saying that because you nearly got your head cut off.”

“Seems like a perfectly good reason to me.”

The forest path that Sheex and Lila walked down was both a blessing as well as a curse. It was a blessing because it kept the two travelers out of sight of any would be kidnappers. It was a curse because the thick branches and large trees made any sort of travel but a slow walk impossible. Not to mention the fact that when Sheex wasn’t ducking branches or swatting aside numerous falling leaves, he had to deal the princess’s personal view on politics. It was getting pretty irritating.

While all seemed well and good when the two left the town on their search for the little lost prince, both Sheex and Lila quickly discovered that the two of them could not stand each other. Perhaps it was Sheex’s careless attitude towards life even during desperate times, or maybe it was Lila’s holier-than-though way she talked to Sheex. In either case, the two were not very fond of each other.

“No, it’s not a good reason. Nobles and commoners are different types of people, that is a fact of life. It is not a nice fact, but it is a fact. Insulting a noble is completely different than insulting a farmer.” Responded Lila as she shoved a branch out of her way. Sheex was several feet ahead of her, claiming that it was for her protection. In actuality he thought if he was farther away she would shut up. His plan was not coming to fruition like he had hoped.

“No, their title is different. Take away the fancy clothes, the fancy food, and the coffers filled with gold and there’s no difference at all. Except maybe certain princesses are a bit slower than your average farmer.” Muttered Sheex as he nearly tripped over a large rock. Fortunately he caught himself by grabbing a nearby branch and quickly yanking himself out of his tumble.

“But you can’t take away the clothes, the food, and the gold. The fact of the matter is that those things are there, and they make the two people different. Which is why certain drunks end up in prison.” Snickered Lila as she easily hopped over the rock that had nearly brought Sheex down. However, when Sheex released the branch he had been clinging to it quickly swung towards Lila smacking her square in the face. Sheex let out his own snicker as he offered his hand towards Lila, who was now rubbing her face.

“Material comes and goes, the traits in people stay the same. By the way, you need me to hold your hand or can you manage?” Lila simply shoved Sheex aside as she pushed onwards. When the two reached an open clearing in an otherwise dense forest, both decided it was time for a break. Both from the traveling and from each other.

“We’ve made enough progress for one day. By tomorrow we’ll be out of this stupid forest, but there is no sense it traveling through it at night. You’d probably just get lost.” Said Lila as she flung her bag off her shoulder and began to dig through it. Sheex thought about responding to that remark, but figured she was probably right. Instead of pursuing the matter, he simply sat down next to a tree a good ten feet or so away from what was quickly becoming a royal pain in the ass.

“Works for me.” Responded Sheex as he leaned back against the tree and stared up at the forest canopy above him, which for the most part blocked out any view the wanderer might have had of the blue sky above. At most only a few beams of golden sunlight managed to find its way through the dark green roof above.

“Hey! I didn’t say you could just doze off! According to the map a river runs through this forest. Why don’t you go get us some water while I put up my tent?” Lila snapped as she tossed Sheex two near empty canteens. Sheex was quick enough to catch one of the flying metal objects, but the other smashed into his leg causing quite a stinging sensation to shoot up his body. After he had recovered, Sheex looked over at his companion, who at this point was digging through her bag.

“You managed to fit a tent in there? Congratulations. At least we’ll be somewhat comfortable.” Muttered Sheex as he began to head off towards the direction Lila had pointed at. Lila simply shook her had at Sheex as he left.

“It’s an enchanted bag I got for my birthday. It can hold three times it size, but what’s this about we’ll be comfortable? I sure as hell don’t intend to share my tent with you.” Snapped Lila as Sheex grit his teeth. He considered throwing the canteens back at the stubborn woman, but instead decided to storm off into the words. Sheex figured he’d be better off away from the bimbo princess for a little while.

About two hours later (which qualified as a bit more than a little while) Sheex strolled back into the clearing. He almost laughed out loud when he realized Lila had only managed to get half her tent up, but instead he tossed her one of the now full canteens and began to build a small fire. Apparently putting together tents are not part of a princess’s required education. Pity. Well, not really.

“Took you long enough. I didn’t realize it was that hard to fill up two canteens.” Muttered Lila as one side of the tent collapsed back to the ground. Cursing as she crawled about the purple cloth that consisted of the tent, Sheex stifled a laugh as the pile of wood before him was slowly consumed by the tiny orange fire Sheex had created.

“And I didn’t know it was so hard to pitch a tent. Besides, there was some fish in the river. Took me about a half hour to spear the damn thing and another half hour to clean it. It’ll be worth it though.” Responded Sheex as Lila looked over to see the wanderer calmly sitting by the fire cooking one small fish that was impaled on a sharp wooden stick. Sheex licked his lips as Lila’s stomach made a rumbling noise, all she had left to eat was the soldier rations that she had brought just in case. It was amazing just how fast the good food had vanished.

“Well I hope you enjoy your dinner. And I hope you enjoy sleeping under the fresh night sky as well.” Snapped Lila as she managed to bring another side of the tent up. Now, she only had two more sides to go, assuming the currently standing sides did not fall back down like they had the last twelve times. Ironically, had she asked Sheex probably would have shared his meal with her, but Lila was far too proud to ask for any favors from someone like Sheex who was currently at the top of her “rotten scoundrel” list. Stupid broad thinks she’s better than me. At least I can pitch a damn tent. Sheex thought too himself as his nostril’s danced to the smell of the cooking fish. If she wasn’t going to ask, then Sheex had no intention of sharing.

Several hours later…

“Wake up you stupid moron!” Lila shouted as she delivered a swift kick into Sheex’s rib cage, instantly snapping Sheex out of his peaceful sleep as well as leaving a painful throbbing sensation in his side. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he slowly stood, the first thing that Sheex managed to see clearly was Lila standing in front of him. Sheex pulled his black trench coat tightly around him in an attempt to block out the chilling night wind as he gave her an approving look.

“Damn you look good in that outfit. You’re daddy know you wear stuff like that? Nice job on the tent by the way. Don’t tell me you woke me up just to brag though. I was having a good dream.” Sheex said as he motioned at the purple gown (made out of the finest silk no doubt) that Lila wore, which more the amply showed off her slender figure. Behind her, and of far less interest to Sheex, stood a fully pitched tent.

“Do you really think I enjoy having you stare at me that much? You could have stayed asleep for all I care, but those men have other ideas.” Snapped Lila as she pointed towards Sheex’s right. With a bit of a sleepy expression on his face, Sheex turned about to see three gruff looking men armed with daggers snickering at the two of them. Well, snickering at Sheex and making lewd looks at Lila. In Sheex’s opinion she really was bringing it upon herself.

“Huh? Hell, it’s just three bandits or something. Nothing to worry about. Just show them your goods, give them some cash, and let me get back to sleep.” Muttered Sheex as Lila’s hand slapped his face. She hoped that would be enough to give him a better understanding of the situation.

Sheex simply hopped about clutching his now red cheek as the bandits let out a long and cruel laugh.

[Sheex]

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Why’d you have to go and hit me?” Cried Sheex as he rubbed his now red cheek. Lila simply looked at him with a look of pure bemusement while the bandits could not help but laugh as they moved closer and closer to the increasingly frightened (and appalled) Lila. When the group was in arms reach of the unlucky duo, the self-appointed lead bandit stepped forward and pointed his knife at Sheex.

“The girl and you’re belongings stay. We don’t really care about the idiot though. He’s free to leave.” Grumbled the man in a rather gruff voice as Lila instinctively took several quick steps back. Sheex, on the other hand, simply stretched out his arms and let out a nice long yawn.

“Sounds good to me. Play nice.” Sheex said as shoved his hands into his pockets and began to move away, stopping only when Lila yanked him towards her with no small look of irritation in her eyes. Sheex simply scratched his head and let out another yawn while Lila began to shake him violently.

“You said you’d help me! You said you’d save my brother! You said you’d…” Lila was quickly cut off when Sheex brought his hands down in a swooping motion, effectively severing Lila’s grip on his coat. Sheex simply readjusted his outfit while he took a glance back at the bandits, who had stopped to admire the current conversation.

“But I never said I’d help you fight off three armed men! I’m no sword master, and while I may be stupid I’m smart enough to know when I’m outmatched. And babes, given the current circumstances, I’m really outmatched.” Responded Sheex as the bandits nodded in agreement. They had been expecting the man to put up a fight, but if they could take their prize with less work, then that was just fine with them.

“You know, you may not be a big of an idiot as I thought. You know when to back down. Good for you. Now scram.” Muttered the lead bandit as he stepped forward, jerking his thumb towards the forest behind him. Sheex took one last look at Lila, who at this point was strongly gripping Sheex’s arm with a pleading look in her eyes.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that. Not my fault you don’t know how to protect yourself. You don’t even have a weapon on you. Hell you don’t even have real clothes on you.” Sheex said, causing Lila to immediately look at her tent where her sword lay silently. Sheex allowed a faint smile to cross his lips as he began to contemplate the situation. Well princess, I hope you can take the hint. You need that sword. Now, how to buy some time? Oh, I got it!

“Besides, you really brought this on yourself. I’m afraid you’re just too beautiful for your own good, and I’m sure these guys agree with me. Who can really blame them? Just look at you.” Sheex said slyly as he crept forward a few inches. As soon as he finished speaking, his right hand darted down at amazing speed (Sheex prided himself on his lightning fast hands) and gripped the bottom of Lila’s gown. Before anyone else could make a move, Sheex quickly brought the gown upwards, revealing a good portion of the princess’s smooth skin.

“Not bad.” Muttered one of the bandits as Lila let out a scream and quickly swung her hand at Sheex. Although Lila usually managed to score direct hits when it came to slapping Sheex for his lewd nature, this time she hit nothing but air. She was more than surprised when she turned to find Sheex barreling towards the bandits, who had been completely focused on Lila’s revealed body parts.

“Gotta keep your eyes on the prize gents! Those fine legs will be the death of ya!” Cried Sheex as his right hand balled into a fist and slammed into the nose of the lead bandit, causing no small amount of blood to burst forth as he crumbled to the grassy floor below. Now be smart and get the damn sword! Better not leave me hanging princess! Thought Sheex to himself as he ran past the other two bandits, who now turned their attention towards Sheex.

“You’re gonna bleed hero!” Let out one bandit as he lunged forward, striking at Sheex with the small knife clutched in his right hand. Sheex quickly grabbed the wrist of the lunging bandit and steered the blow away from him as well as lining up the remaining bandits right in front of each other, so that the one in the rear could not attack. Sheex gave the bandit in his hands a hard shove, knocking his attacker into the other bandit. Having a free moment, Sheex turned his attention towards the lead bandit, who was beginning to rise up despite the broken nose Sheex had given him. That particular problem was quickly remedied when Sheex lashed out with his foot, delivering a swift kick into the already bloodied face.

“Hey don’t blame me. You wanna get in her pants? Well, I’ve got no problems with that. Had you been real nice to me, I probably would’ve even helped you. But I’ve not lost my entire moral grounding yet, and I can’t condone what you’re trying to do. If you’ve anything else to say, say it with steel.” Spoke Sheex forcefully as he whipped out his own two daggers, gripping one in each of his hands. In truth, Sheex’s speech was a bluff. While he may have sounded confident, inside Sheex’s heart was beating at the rapid pace of a hummingbird’s wings. He simply hoped to scare the two remaining bandits away, and it did manage to cause the two to pause, for about five seconds.

“That’s a deal tough guy. Show us what you got!” Shouted one of the bandits as he lunged forward, aiming a blow at Sheex’s stomach. Moving quickly, Sheex parried the blow with one of his daggers as the other bandit came at Sheex from the left. Faced with no other option, Sheex leapt back several feet in order to escape from an ever-worsening battle. The bandits quickly pursued.

“Come on! What happened to all your earlier enthusiasm?” Questioned one of the bandits as he brought his dagger above his head and slashed down hard at Sheex’s head. Sheex quickly caught the dagger with one of his own as the other bandit swooped in for the kill. Still fending off the dagger above his head with one dagger, Sheex made a weak stab at the incoming bandit, who quickly leapt back out of Sheex’s range. Whatever joy Sheex felt at his small triumph quickly evaporated as the free bandit brought his dagger back, opting to throw the blade at the cornered wanderer. Shit. Out of options. Was Sheex’s only response to that particular maneuver.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Screamed Lila as she ran forward, her finely decorated sword clutched in both of her hands. Caught off guard, the bandit about to fling his dagger at Sheex was forced to call off his attack in order to defend himself against the raging princesses. Despite his attempt at defense, Lila’s blade still managed to cleave into the man’s side a bit, causing a small amount of blood to stain the green forest floor.

Now being able to focus on only one bandit, Sheex quickly brought his free hand upwards and slammed it into the man’s chest. The bandit let out a gasp as he stumbled backward while Sheex flung one of his daggers at the man’s legs. At the last instant the man step sided, causing the dagger to only dig itself into the grass below. Yet before the bandit could even laugh at Sheex’s failed attack, he turned forward only to see Sheex close the distance between the two of them and land an uppercut right into the man’s jaw.

“Told ya to keep your eye on the prize. You gotta focus on your enemy, not just one of his weapons.” Sheex said as the man fell backwards, completely unconscious. Sheex picked up his thrown dagger as he turned his attention to Lila and the bandit she was fighting, who at this point was on the ground clutching his wounded side and fending off blow after blow from the enraged princess. Lila’s surprise attack had clearly given her the upper hand.

“Rapist bastard! You stupid scum!” Cried Lila at the top of her voice, her face now the color of crimson. With a wild swing she batted aside the man’s small dagger and raised her sword above her head to deliver the killing blow. Yet as the blade came down towards the crawling (and at this point screaming bandit), it found not flesh but rather cold steel. Lila’s adorned sword crashed into Sheex’s plain outstretched dagger, saving the whimpering bandit from death. The resulting kick from Sheex however, did knock the man unconscious.

With a blood-crazed look in her eyes, Lila quickly spun towards Sheex slashing about as she did so. Stunned, but not entirely unprepared, Sheex leapt back as Lila’s blade grazed the side of Sheex’s throat, causing a small trickle of blood to seep from Sheex’s skin. Screaming with madness, Lila lunged forward slashing wildly as she did so. With calm eyes Sheex quickly struck her blade with one of his daggers, stopping her assault. With one swift movement Sheex slammed the hilt of his other dagger into Lila’s shoulder, sending the mad princess backwards as well as causing her to fumble her sword to the ground. As she reached for it, Sheex quickly kicked it out of her reach causing Lila to clench her hands tightly. She gave Sheex a harsh glare, only to see a look of sadness on the wanderer’s face. Momentarily stunned, she quickly pulled herself up from the ground and walked towards her tent.

“What the hell is with that look Sheex? Get the hell away from me!” She shouted as she turned his back on him.

Several minutes later…

“Hope that’s not too tight gentlemen. Well, not really.” Sheex said as he finished tying the three bandits to a single large tree. All of the bandits were bleeding, but Sheex was sure that they’d all be fine. Sheex did take a moment to smile at the irony of the moment. The rope Sheex had used to tie them up had actually been found on one of the bandits.

“I can’t believe you saved him. He is scum! They’re a bunch of rapists! They deserve to die!” Said Lila, who was now fully dressed and leaning against a nearby tree with her arms crossed. Slowly Sheex walked over towards her, carrying Lila’s sword in hands. With a sad sigh Sheex looked back at the cowering bandits and then back at Lila, who was furious with Sheex.

“You’re right. They’re all scum. They’re nothing but a bunch of dogs. It’s just…” Sheex fell silent as Lila stared at him intently. Sheex stood still and stared at the ground below him, or more accurately the one spot where Lila had spilled blood. After a moment of silence, Sheex finally spoke in a soft and sad voice.

“You know, most people in this land seem to be able to kill freely. They can cut anyone down, and it doesn’t really bother them at all. I’m not like that. I can’t just kill freely. Regardless of the circumstances, I can’t shake the guilt. For me, taking life is something I just can’t seem to come to terms with.” Lila didn’t budge from the tree in the slightest, but her face of hatred slowly began to disappear, at least just a little bit. For the most part, she still seemed quite enraged to Sheex.

“But you’re right of course. I’ve no say in the matter. It really is your decision after all. If you still want them dead, I won’t stop you. I simply wanted to let you know that if you kill them you might never feel the same about yourself. I just thought you should know that.” Sheex said softly. When he finished speaking, he slammed Lila’s blade into the forest earth, leaving it impaled there. Slowly Lila yanked out the blade and walked over towards the trembling bandits, while Sheex stood still and stared at the bloodstained forest.

“Sheex…is that something you know from experience?” Lila asked as she stared at the bandits, who began to beg for their life. In response, Sheex took a look at his own hands as if there was something there to see. There wasn’t of course, at least not at the moment. All that was there now was Sheex’s skin, no signs of anything else. Although from the way Sheex stared at his hands a person might think they were covered with blood.

“I’ll pack up your tent.” Was Sheex’s only response as he finally dropped his hands to his side and walked off. Lila stood still for a minute, and then slowly raised her sword above the terrified head of one of the bandit’s. She stood there poised to strike for what seemed like an eternity, especially to the whimpering bandit.

“Let’s go. You can tell the sheriff to pick them up when we reach the next town.” Lila said as she placed her sword back into her sheath. Together and in silence both Sheex and Lila walked off, as the one of the bandit began to burst into tears at the joy of being spared.

[Sheex]

“Well, I talked to the sheriff. Said those bandits had been hassling a few travelers, but no one got really hurt. Just small-time wanna be crooks I guess. All bark and no bite. The sheriff was nice enough to call me a hero though. Jokes on him huh?” Sheex said as he strolled into the entrance of the town’s inn where Lila was waiting for him.

“Hmph. Good for you. There’s only one room vacant, so we’re going to have to spilt the room.” Lila stated coolly as she motioned for Sheex to come with her as the two strolled up the stairs. Lila had chosen a middle-class establishment, signified by the fine oak walls as well as the well-made stairs. Had Sheex had any say in the matter, he would have preferred a less obvious place of rest, but Lila wasn’t listening to him much at the moment.

“Guess that means I’m not going to be sleeping in the bed.” Said Sheex as he opened the door and peered into what would be tonight’s lodging. There was a fine oak table, as well as a bathroom and a sofa that was well taken care of. Sadly, there was but one bed, and it wasn’t even a very large one at that. Of course, compared to the tree he had rested his head on the previous night; Sheex figured the sofa was definitely a step in the right direction.

“I’m sure that you’ll manage somehow. Now, I’m going to take a shower. That means you stay the hell away from the bathroom. Actually, just stay the hell away from that entire half of the room.” Muttered Lila as she dug through her belongings for her nightgown. Sheex simply plopped himself down on the couch and let out a long sigh.

“Yeah yeah. I get the idea. Personally, I don’t see where all this hostility for me comes from. You act like I’m going to take pictures of you and sell them all over town or something.” Almost instantaneously Lila spun about and gave Sheex what he hoped would be the last harsh glare of the evening. Sooner or later he was going to start counting the number of glares he received over the course of this little adventure. For the sake of knowledge, of course.

“Well I probably wouldn’t be so hostile if your battle plan for fighting bandits didn’t involve lifting my skirt up!” Snapped Lila as she stormed off towards the shower, slamming the door shut as she did so. Irritated, Sheex snatched up a nearby pillow and tossed it after her, managing only to hit the solid wooden door that barred his way.

“Oh come on! What did you expect I was going to do? Take on three armed men straight up, with absolutely no trick? In case you haven’t noticed, I lack the mythical ability to become a super human!” Shouted Sheex back as he kicked the side of the table for no reason except to vent a bit of his frustration.

“Believe it or not Sheex, some people have standards when it comes to saving there own skin!” Shouted Lila through the wooden door, which was strong enough to prevent Sheex’s pillow assault but allowed the conversation to continue just fine (although at this point the two were practically screaming at each other).

“Sweet Jesus! I charge three armed bandits head on and manage to buy you enough time to get your stupid sword that you stupidly left in your stupid tent, and you’re upset because you had to show a little skin. ARGH! You’re so…so…STUPID!” Screamed Sheex back at her, this time only managing to hear a sharp breath of anger through the wooden door. Lila deemed the conversation unworthy of continuing and decided to start her shower, while Sheex folded his arms and sat irritated on his sofa.

Eventually Lila came out of the shower, this time wearing a dark blue robe around her nightgown. Had Sheex been his usual self, he would have commented on the fact that with her hair and skin freshly wet from the shower Lila looked simply gorgeous. Under the current circumstances, Sheex simply walked passed her so he could take his own shower. The minute Sheex had shut the bathroom door and turned on the shower however, he immediately let out another yell.

“AND YOU USED UP ALL THE HOT WATER! YOU ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS!”

Several hours and one cold shower later…

After his shower and a long walk through the town, Sheex eventually returned to the room tightly clutching a bottle of whiskey and a glass to consume that whiskey with. He would have preferred to skip the walk and get straight to the consuming of whiskey, but Sheex had a long standing rule of not to drink while he was angry. Sheex found that the best way to cure anger was a nice walk under the fresh night air (either that or it was just the fact he was away from Lila).

Expecting to return to Lila sleeping in bed, Sheex was mildly surprised to find the only bed in the room empty. Sheex was even more surprised to see Lila out on the balcony, and even further surprised to discover that this room actually had a balcony. Maybe I shouldn’t drink too much tonight. Thought Sheex as he took off his coat. Taking careful aim, Sheex quickly flung his coat in one smooth motion, expertly landing it on a bedpost. With a bit of a smile, Sheex plopped down on the sofa and yanked the table closer to him as he began to pour himself a drink.

“Standing outside like that is not a good idea. Last thing we need is your face to be recognized.” Said Sheex in a soft voice that was just loud enough to be heard. Receiving no response from Lila in any way, shape, or form, Sheex let out a sigh as he picked up his half-full glass of whiskey as well as the bottle itself and strolled out to the balcony himself. The minute he opened the door the night air rushed across his face, instantly cooling him down and causing his loose blue shirt to flutter about violently. Lila was still in her bathrobe, which made sense considering the cold night air that had just passed Sheex by.

“I’m serious. You kinda do stand out. Every guy that passes by on the street is going to take a look up here. The last thing we need is for one of those thugs that were chasing you to see you.” Sheex said as he took a look over the balcony. Thankfully the street below was completely empty, which was a good thing considering that Lila seemed intent to stay cooped up in her own thoughts.

“Not going to talk to me eh? Okay, fine. I’ve cracked tougher nuts than you. I got some alcohol, you wanna a drink? Come on, I bet you get nice and wild after a shot or two. Take a drink, I dare ya.” Said Sheex in an antagonizing voice as he swished his drink about under her nose. It took about another thirty seconds of prodding for Sheex to finally get a reaction out of the princess, which was good considering Sheex was about to move onto cheap pick-up lines.

“If I take a drink will you stop being so obnoxious?” Asked Lila with her hands on her hips as she turned to look at Sheex. Smiling, Sheex shrugged as he handed her the glass of whiskey and leaned back against the balcony rail. The cool night wind continued to pick up, causing Sheex’s brown hair to slightly toss about and Lila’s black hair to whip around almost non-stop. Sheex had to admit it was pretty ravishing.

“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. Only one way for you to find out, isn’t there? So, what were you thinking about, or did you just find the night sky particularly pleasing tonight? I’ll admit it is rather beautiful.” Sheex said as he looked up into the starry night sky as Lila took a sip of the whiskey. Instantly her faced crinkled and her right hand flew up to cover her mouth as she began to cough.

“Oops. I probably should’ve asked if you’ve ever even had alcohol, and I definitely should’ve warned you about the strength of whiskey. It’s not easy to take down on your first time.” Sheex said with a laugh as he sat down on the rail, careful to balance himself so he didn’t dive headfirst down into the alley below. Lila coughed for a few more seconds and then gave Sheex a harsh glare.

“I’m not a child! I’ve had alcohol before…just not this cheap stuff.” Lila spat as she carefully took another sip, this time managing not to gag. Sheex simply continued to smile gleefully as he let the night air dash around him. There was just something about starry nights and a cool breeze that brought out the best in Sheex, that and Lila’s slender figure didn’t hurt.

“Hey! That bottle wasn’t very cheap! Cost me twenty pieces of gold it did! And it’s not a very large bottle either!” Sheex said as Lila continued to slowly drink down the whiskey. She was about one-fourth of the way done and Sheex was curious if she was going to be able to handle the rest of the drink. Her sips were getting smaller and smaller but more frequent. The wanderer, for all his drinking experience, wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Where did you get twenty pieces of gold? You’ve been leaching off me this entire trip.” Lila asked as Sheex produced a tiny leather bag. The sound of coins clinking together could be heard as Sheex moved the bag about, a sound that usually made shopkeepers leap with joy. Lila imagined that bartenders were the one's leaping for joy whenever Sheex got his hands on any amount of cash.

“There was a slight reward on those bandits, fifty gold coins to be exact. I spent twenty on that bottle and I got this cool little hip flask for free too! The rest is yours.” Sheex said as he tossed Lila the gold as he managed to produce a small steel hip flask. Carefully Sheex poured a good portion of whiskey into the metallic container. He imagined that this little flask would be far more useful than any weapon he could get his hands on. Most people wouldn’t agree with such an idea, but then again Sheex was the type to gladly trade away a weapon of mass destruction for booze.

“Both of us caught the bandits. That should be twenty-five gold pieces each.” Lila said as she opened the pouch and held it out to Sheex, who simply shook his head and took another swing of whiskey. Realizing if he continued down this pace of drinking he would soon be on the street below, Sheex decided it was time to put away his favorite new toy, namely the hip flask.

“Nah. I’d just spend it on more booze anyway. Or maybe some barmaid. It’s better that you take it. You’re paying for this room after all, and out of your good gracious allowing me to sleep on the sofa. I though you were going to have me sleep outside for a moment, so the least I can do is give you the bigger half of the reward. Not to mention your little peep-show earned it.” Sheex said with a cackle as Lila stomped her feet on the balcony floor. She sure did get pretty red faced when Sheex teased her; either that or the alcohol was taking effect far faster than Sheex had anticipated.

“Oh shut up! I’ve never been so humiliated in my life!” Lila snapped as she spun about and crossed her arms, nearly spilling her drink as she did so. It was a good thing she managed to catch herself, otherwise Sheex would have been very upset. He hated to see good alcohol go to waste.

“Ha! You call that humiliating? Man, you have lived a sheltered life. Stick around; it’s bound to get worse. Especially with me around, and you still haven’t told me what you were thinking about by the way.” Sheex said as Lila just shook her head. Eventually, after what Sheex would definitely call an awkward silence, Lila turned to stare out at the night sky as she had been doing before Sheex had interrupted her.

“You want to know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about that fight in the forest.” Lila said in a very solemn tone, and if Sheex had to guess the whole fight had to be weighing pretty heavily on her mind. Sheex quickly kicked himself off the balcony, landing right next to where Lila starred of into the glittering night sky.

“First time you ever used that sword of yours, wasn’t it?” Sheex asked in an equally serious tone. He received a slight nod from Lila, but she still continued to look up at the sky instead of at him. At least she wasn’t yelling at him again.

“It’s not my sword, I stole it from my father before I left. I never ever used a sword before. I certainly never fought bandits before. The only blood I ever spilt was on accident.” Lila said, her voice getting softer and softer as she continued to talk with her last sentence being that of a whisper. Sheex slowly put his hand on her shoulder, doing his best to comfort someone who was obviously out of their usual habitat. Sheex was willing to bet the only experience with battle she had before last night was the boasting of fat old nobles who talked about sending other men into glorious combat.

“Yeah, but you handled yourself all right. Came out okay, no one was really hurt too bad. You’re still you. A fight won’t change that.” Sheex said as Lila finally tuned away from the sky and faced Sheex. If Sheex was a betting man, which he was, he would have bet a fortune that Lila was feeling pretty regretful about the whole thing.

“Barely. I always thought mankind was civilized, especially nobles. I was always told that what separates us from the commoners was the fact that we could control our impulses. But when I gripped that sword, all I could think about was making those bandits suffer. I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to watch them bleed. And when you interfered, I wanted to…to…” Lila eventually quit talking, instead opting to pull her robe close to her as Sheex finished off the sentence for her.

“Kill me?” Sheex asked, receiving a slow nod from Lila. Sheex had known all along if Lila had the chance she probably would have cut him down in her blood-crazed state. But, Sheex was well aware that blood and carnage made people do things that they did not actually want to do. Lila, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be taking it so well.

"Hey now, don’t you worry about it. Nobody could ever blame you for that.” Sheex said as he pulled Lila over to him, stopping just short of giving her a hug. He had heard somewhere that being close to another person helped during stressful times, but he had no idea if that was true. Sheex usually thought it was a cunning way to get into a woman’s pants.

“You could.” Lila said softly as she continued to look at the wooden floor at her feet. Sheex simply shook his head at her.

“Nah. I’m no traveling swordsman, but I know enough about fighting to know I could never blame you for that. Besides, I’m tough. I can take it.” Sheex said with a grin as Lila finally looked up at him. A wave of relief seemed to cross over her face, apparently meaning that she didn’t hate Sheex enough to want him dead. That was always a nice thing to know.

“I’m sorry about your neck. I can bandage it if you want.” Lila said softly as she reached up and gently touched the cut on Sheex’s neck that she had caused. The wound itself wasn’t very deep (thankfully) and was already well on it’s way to being fully healed, but that really didn’t matter. The fact that Lila had actually offered to do something nice for Sheex was enough to make him smile.

“Nah. It can wait. You’re too tired right now, so let’s take a rain check for tomorrow. Besides, I hear princesses require a good ten hours of beauty sleep to look their best, so you’d better get some rest. I expect to be walking next to a ravishing beauty tomorrow.” Sheex said as he patted her on the shoulder and quickly turned her about while pointing towards the empty bed in the room. Nodding in assent, Lila began to walk towards the room but stopped short right before leaving the balcony.

“Hey Sheex. You never answered my question. Back in the forest, you told me taking someone’s life is a hard burden to carry. Is that something you know from experience?” Lila asked as she glanced back at Sheex, who was now once more sitting on the edge of the railing looking up at the sky. Still smiling, Sheex turned his attention back towards her making sure not to let his smile fade away.

“It’s late, you should get some sleep. My opinions about killing are a long story, too long to tell you right now. But, sometime soon, I’ll be sure to tell you about it.” Sheex said as Lila nodded her head and turned back towards the room. Before she left, she spoke a few more words in the softest of voices, causing Sheex to strain his ears to hear it. There was no doubt about what she said though.

“Thanks for stopping me Sheex.” Lila whispered as she closed the balcony door and headed off to sleep. Sheex let his smile finally drop and he looked once more at the sky above, eventually reaching back into his coat pocket. Soon enough, his flask of whiskey was back in his hands.

After all that, I’ve earned another drink. Thought Sheex as his thoughts turned towards the heavens above.

[Sheex]

The sun was shining on a new day in the kingdom of Dunland, and at about noon Sheex sat alone at a wooden table next to a bakery. There was a cool breeze in the air, making the day even better. But what made the day great was not the shinning sun or the cool breeze, but rather the food that lay in front of Sheex. That food was pie. Pie made the day great.

Despite any sick innuendo multiple people could come up with concerning just why pie made a day great, the pie Sheex was talking about was in fact regular pie. It was a slice of cherry pie, and he happily took a bite out of the food of the Gods (at least that was what Sheex always called it) as he waited for Lila to show up.

Once again that princess had rudely awakened Sheex, although this time she had opted to use freezing cold water instead of a kick to the ribs. Sheex would have preferred to sleep another few hours, but she had been insistent that the two use the morning to scour the city and search for signs of her kidnapped brother. It was the wanderer who had suggested the meeting point of the pie-serving bakery.

“This is good pie.” Sheex hummed to himself as he took another bite from the delicious substance before him. He was so caught up in the greatness of his snack that he completely missed Lila walk up to him and take a seat. He also paid no attention to her when she began to speak. It was only when she began waving a hand in front of his face did his concentration finally break away from his snack.

“Are you listening to me Deltin?” Lila nearly shouted as Sheex put down his fork and stared at her. He nodded slightly and motioned for her to continue with whatever it was she was saying although his attention was far more focused on the pie he was still swallowing. Sheex was able to keep up his ruse of feigning attention until she asked him what he thought of the current situation. Then he was sadly stumped.

“Um. Well, you’re bro ain’t here.” Choked Sheex as he reached for the plate of half-eaten pie before him. Lila’s hand quickly shot forward with no small amount of speed catching Sheex before he could take another bite. Sheex began to whimper sadly; he really wanted to finish his pie.

“Yes, I know that Sheex. I just told you that. Tell me, were you paying attention at all? Wait, don’t answer that. Just tell me you actually tried to look and you didn’t spend your day sampling the local cuisine.” Lila barked as Sheex yanked his hand away from her and yanked up the fork on his plate. Yet, instead of eating with it, Sheex pointed it towards Lila with a stern look on his face.

“Hey, bad mouth me all you want, but leave the pie out of this. Pie never did anything to anyone. When times are bad, pie is always there for you. So don’t, and I repeat don’t bad mouth the pie. I got some for you too by the way.” Sheex said, quickly changing his tone from stern to playful at the last sentence. Next to his pie was another untouched piece of pie that was soon slid across the table towards Lila.

“Why don’t you tell me what you accomplished first, and then we’ll eat?” Lila said, gently pushing the pie slightly away from her. Sheex simply shook his head and pushed it back towards her. He was quite firm in his decision on pie first, questions later.

“No, you’ll eat that pie and tell me how it tastes bearing in mine our relationship will be greatly affected by your answer. Then I’ll tell you what I found out. There’s no debate on this one Lila. Eat the pie.” Sheex said forcefully as he took another bite of his own pie and stared at her intently. Slowly, she picked up her fork and cut off a small piece of pie for herself. Before she took a bite, however, she stared at Sheex with a suspicious look in her eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with it! Honest! I would never, EVER, ruin a good piece of pie! It’s sacrilegious!” Sheex said before she could even ask whatever question she had been forming in her mind. Seemingly satisfied, Lila took a small bite and chewed on it for a while. Eventually, she gave Sheex a thumbs up.

“Excellent. I’m glad you like it; otherwise I would’ve had to throw something at you. I figured you’d like an apple pie, which is always a standard pie. I can’t really tell with royalty so I thought I’d better play it safe. I went with cherry myself cause-” Sheex quickly found himself cut off when Lila placed her had over his mouth. He was slightly offended, and at the same time he managed to admire her silk-like skin. It was interesting the conflicting thoughts that ran through Sheex’s mind at times.

“The pie’s great. I love pie. I’ll eat the pie. Now can you please tell me about what you did other than eat pie, which I know in your mind is apparently the greatest thing on earth. I won’t bother to ask why.” Lila said as she removed her hand from Sheex’s mouth. Sighing, Sheex reached into one of his trench coat’s pockets and produced the map the two had been following. Only one town remained to be checked, and that town was very close to the border. Next to the town a large red X had been drawn.

“Right next to the last town is an old fort. It’s rundown and falling apart, which explains why it is not on the map. The army abandoned it a while ago and no one thinks much of it. However, it is a good distance away from the town, making it a good place to keep out of everyone’s eyesight. Also, it’s next to the border, making it an ideal hideout for people wanting to skip out of the country. How much you wanna bet your brother’s there?” Sheex said with a cocky smile as he took another bite of pie. Slightly in shock, Lila stared at the map for a few seconds then reached over for her pie. She took a huge bite and gave Sheex the nicest smile she had. Even the sarcastic wanderer had to admit it was a pretty nice smile.

Together, the two happily finished off their food, choosing to talk about non-serious subjects such as how wild the princess got when she really started drinking. Actually, Sheex tried to talk about that subject but Lila didn’t actually say much. It was a real pity really. Sheex was sure that she was a party animal on the inside. But, it was almost a three-day walk to the next town so Sheex figured he’d have plenty of time to test his theory. Instead, as the two began to walk down the road, Sheex decided to let his opinion be known about a different subject.

“You know Lila, it’s not nice to put your hands on other people. Some people would consider it sexual harassment, what with the perverted advance you made on me back there.” In actuality most people wouldn’t call putting a hand over another person’s mouth sexual harassment, but Sheex was not like most people. Such a fact was well known to everyone that knew him.

“It has to be offensive for it to be harassment Sheex. If anything, I think you were excited by that contact. First time a female touched you in a way that didn’t end up with you howling in pain?” Lila asked with a sly smirk as she placed a hand on her hip and threw the luggage bag at Sheex. It was actually quite heavy for its size, no doubt due to its magical nature. Lila figured since Sheex was leeching off her wallet the least he could do was carry the bags.

“Wow. That’s all I gotta say. Wow.” Sheex said completely stunned as he caught the bag thrown at him but made no further movements. Lila cocked her head sideways as Sheex stared at her without saying a word. Eventually, he decided to break the silence.

“You just made a joke. A sex joke. Granted, not a very good one, but I do believe that was the first non-royal thing you’ve done during our time together. Actually, it’s down right commoner of you. You know what this means, don’t you?” Sheex said with a sly look on his face. Puzzled, Lila continued to stare at him until with one smooth motion Sheex produced his hip flask that was still filled with whiskey.

“A toast! A toast to Lila and her foul mouth! A toast to finally casting off your high-airs and for but one brief shinning moment indulging in the low-life pleasure of mocking another person! A toast I say! A toast!” Shouted Sheex loudly, drawing puzzled looks from many of the passer-bys. Sheex quickly took a large gulp of the whiskey and offered the flask to Lila, who simply shook her head and began to walk down the road.

“You do realize it was a joke at your expense right?” She muttered as Sheex quickly caught up to her and wrapped his arm around her waving the flask before her as he did so. In no time at all Lila had shoved him away with a laugh, but Sheex was quite persistent in the matter.

“So? I’ve made at least a dozen jokes at your expense, and I plan to make at least another two-dozen. And I hope to hear many more jokes at my expense as well. Granted, we’ll have to work on the quality of your jokes, but we’ve got time. Take a drink!” Sheex chanted as he quickly sped in front of Lila. Soon enough he was walking backwards down the road before them, keeping Lila in his sight at all times and tossing the flask about in his hands as he chanted loudly.

“Take a drink! Take a drink! Take a drink!” Sheex shouted loudly. It was ironic that last night he had been concerned about Lila standing out while at the current moment Sheex was standing out like a sore thumb. Not that it mattered to him; at the moment Sheex was having the time of his life.

“You’re causing a scene Deltin! Look, if I take a drink will you shut up?” Shouted Lila over Sheex’s ever increasing voice. She quickly grabbed the offered flask and brought it to her mouth, while Sheex let out a triumphant laugh as he raised his arms in victory.

“That’s the spirit! I knew I could break you if I worked hard enough! When we return, you’ll be a rough, tough, drinking, cussing, free spirited princess. Trust me, it’ll be much better than your stuck up nature.” Sheex said as Lila shot him a playful glare. She quickly took a gulp of the drink and screwed the cap back on while she brought back her arm.

“Stuck up am I? This coming from a perverted drunk who’s past time involves chasing woman and ending up in jail because of it?” Lila shouted as she tossed the flask high into the air. Sheex quickly sprinted a few feet to catch the flask, grinning as he did so.

“Damn right. And you said that with a smile on your face instead of the usual holier-than-thou look! That calls for another drink! Take a drink!”

[Sheex]

“So. Um. Do Princesses go out on dates, or do princes just kinda show up at your castle and marry you?” Sheex said as the two walked through a forest path. He had to speak fairly loudly, considering he was trailing behind Lila by about a good fifteen feet.

“Why, in the hell, is that any business of yours?” Lila shouted back, her face extremely red. The reason for Lila’s red face and Sheex keeping his distance from her was very simple. Lila had the unfortunate luck of stepping on a skunk, who soon repaid the favor in the way skunks usually repaid any type of favor. Sheex was pretty sure she was the most foul smelling thing he had ever smelled, and that was really saying something.

“I was just trying to stir up some conversation. There’s no need to answer if you don’t want to. However, failure to answer will result in me thinking you are available, which will lead to numerous pick-up lines involving sex and or the steps leading up to sex. It’s in your interests to answer.” Sheex said as Lila spun around and gave Sheex a glare. Sheex instantly froze, not so much because of the glare but rather the smell. He figured fifteen feet at all times was the minimum safe distance.

“If you must know, I am going to be married two months from now, so in no way, shape, or form am I available!” Lila barked while Sheex snapped his fingers in disappointment. He knew better than to try to pick up a soon to be married chick (at least, most of the time he did).

“Huh. Never thought anyone would be able to put up with you like that.” Sheex blurted out before he had time to think through what he was about to say. He quickly ducked an incoming rock sent towards his head and immediately rephrased his statement.

“I mean, that lucky bastard! So, was it one of those arranged marriage set-ups or did he just sneak into your bedroom when your father wasn’t looking?” Sheex asked while Lila pressed forward despite the fact her smell was driving off forest animals at this point.

“It was the first one, but I’ve known him since I was a child so it’s not like he’s some creepy old guy or anything like that. He’s actually only two years older than me. And he’s nice. And pretty good-looking. Basically, he’s a way better catch than you.” Lila said with a grin. Sheex simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Not arguing it. Bet he comes with a big bank account too. Not that you’d be interested in that. Crap, it looks like the wind is starting to blow in my direction. Mind if we switch spots?” Sheex asked as Lila threw up her arms in frustration.

“This is stupid! I smell terrible. You keep bugging me about my love life. What’s next? Bird droppings?” The minute Lila said that, she suddenly felt something beneath her foot make a squishing sound. If it was even possible, her face got even redder. Sheex barely managed to contain his laughter.

“Uh, look at the bright side. At least it wasn’t bird droppings. Heh.” Lila quickly stormed towards Sheex with a very upset look in her eyes. He quickly began to cower in fear.

“Hey! We agreed on a fifteen feet safety zone! Ack!” Lila quickly grabbed Sheex’s coat and pulled her towards him, nearly causing the wanderer to gag in repulsion. Whatever skunk decided to blast her had definitely been packing a cannon.

“Okay. There is a lake about a hundred feet from here. We will walk there; you will not say anything else regarding my love life, my current smell, or what is on my feet. When we are in thirty feet of that lake, you will stop walking and stare at a tree for about a half hour. During that time, I will bathe. You will still be staring at the tree. Should you fail to stare at that tree, I will personally inflict a world of pain upon you. Your agony will beyond the human senses. Understand?” After that rousing speech, Sheex’s hands slowly covered his lower regions as he nodded meekly.

“Yes ma’am. You bathe. I stare at tree.” Sheex answered silently. Lila continued to hold him near her as her eyes continued to glare into Sheex’s soul.

“And should you fail to stare at said tree?” Lila asked in order to make sure Sheex fully understood the situation. Although the wanderer usually had a couple of screws loose, his mind was totally clear on what the current conditions were should he fail to live up to Lila’s expectations.

“Pain. Lots and lots of pain.”

*~*~*~*~

It sure was a nice tree. The bark was a rich brown color, the leaves the perfect shade of green. Every now and then a leaf would fall from the tree or a squirrel would run about on the branches. Other than that, it wasn’t much more than an ordinary tree, and Sheex was getting very bored.

“But I will not shift my gaze from this tree, because if I do that Lila will have my head. Or something more important.” Sheex said to himself as he reached into his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes that he always carried with him. Sighing, he quickly lit one and put the pack back into his coat. He spent the next few minutes trying to blow smoke rings, a task at which he was failing. He quickly stopped when an ear-piercing scream shattered his concentration.

“SHEEX! GET OVER HERE NOW!” Came a voice, which Sheex instantly recognized as Lila. After all, he had been screamed at enough by her over the course of this little adventure. Yet instead of rushing to her aid, he hesitated.

“ARE YOU WAIVING THE PENALTIES FOR NOT STARING AT THE TREE?” Sheex shouted back. He couldn’t care less if there were twelve armed bandits around her this time. There was no way he was going anywhere if she didn’t remove the penalties for not staring at the tree. It was about a minute before Lila responded.

“FINE! NOW GET OVER HERE!”

*~*~*~*~

“You screamed?” Sheex said as he peeked his head out of the bushes. Instantly he saw Lila in the lake, and at this point she was doing her best to hide her figure by clutching herself against the lakes edge. To Sheex’s sadness, she was actually doing a good job. All he could see was her bare shoulders.

“Take a look around Sheex. Notice anything missing?” Lila said with a very upset look on her face. Slowly, Sheex scanned the area. Trees. Bushes. Lake. Lila. Rock. Squirrel, possibly the same one from the tree. Some flowers. Lila. Thirty seconds later, Sheex finally spoke up.

“Hey, where are your clothes?” He asked in a serious voice. At least he tried to sound serious. It was pretty hard to hide his laughter given the current circumstances.

“Some little pre-pubescent punks took them. Would you be a dear and GET THEM BACK?” Lila said, screaming at the top of her lungs at the end of the sentence. Sheex scratched his head for a second, and then replied.

“What, you only brought one pair of clothes? Why don’t you just change into some new ones? It’ll be easier that way.” Sheex said, hoping he could find a way out of this little errand. The scenery was pretty nice at the lake, and he wanted to stick around a bit longer.

“Because they took the bag too! Now will you get going? They’re getting away!” Defeated, Sheex nodded in assent as he got up and began to walk in the direction Lila was feverishly pointing at.

“Fine. Don’t see why you don’t get up and do it yourself though.” Sheex said sarcastically as Lila nearly jumped out of the lake to strangle him. Sadly, she did not. She did, however, flail about in anger when she responded, which was enough for Sheex.

“Because I’m naked you stupid, inconsiderate, lazy, perverted, drunken, good for nothing, false hero, ASSHOLE!” Lila cried at the top of her lungs while she flailed about, sending water all over the place, but mostly on her self.

“Yeah. I know. God you look good wet.”

Fifteen minutes and several more screams later…

“I’m back.” Sheex said proudly as he walked back into the lake area carrying both Lila’s bag as well as her clothes. Lila said a silent prayer thanking God, and motioned for Sheex to bring her clothes to her.

“Good, I hope you made those punks pay! Now give me my clothes and turn around.” Although Lila was certain she had made herself very clear, she was rather stunned (well, not really) when Sheex opted to sit down on a nearby rock a few feet away from her.

“Oh, they weren’t punks. They followed the Code Of The Guys, what more could you want?” Sheex said as he plopped the bag and clothes in front of him, but out of Lila’s reach. Her face became its usual red color as she strained to reach the clothes and cover her self, a task that she could not accomplish.

“Just what is the Code Of The Guys, and do you mind bringing them a little bit closer?” Lila asked loudly. Sheex simply leaned forward and smiled at her.

“You know, the Code Of The Guys. Stuff like don’t ever do you best friend’s ex, even if he says it’s okay. Or, don’t try to pick-up a girl if a guy is already working on her. Don’t blow off your buddies for a girl. Stick up for your friend around strangers, even if you badmouth him all the time. And always help a fellow man look good in front of a lady if he has a better chance than you. The last one is actually the hardest, but those kids did it anyway. Good kids really. They’re going to grow up just fine. And actually, I do mind.”

Lila listened carefully to everything Sheex said. She actually found it rather interesting, if not a little childish. She didn’t actually believe that there was some universal code that guys followed, but then again most women didn’t. Yet, the code did (and still does) exist, and all good men still follow it. But that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that Lila screamed a very long line of obscenities at Sheex when he finished speaking.

“You rat bastard! You little drunkard! You son of a bitch! You conniving worm! You miscreant! You drifting piece of rift-raft! You slime ball! You chauvinistic pig! You will give me back my clothes or I will…I will…” Lila quickly realized there wasn’t anything she could do, and Sheex simply leaned his head on his hand and stared at her.

“You know, if your just going to insult me I can take off right now. Not much stopping me. We’re even close to the border. I bet I could get out of your country without even being noticed. Now, are you calm, or do you need some alone time?” Defeated, Lila sunk her head into the lake and remained underwater for as long as she could. However, she eventually had to come back up at look at Sheex’s grinning face.

“Okay. What do you want?” Lila asked as Sheex clapped his hands. He licked his lips as he began to list of everything he had wished for over the past couple days. And it was a very long list.

“A bottle of your country’s finest scotch. A room in your castle with a servant to attend to my every whim, preferably a good-looking female. You father to thank me, on his knees, for keeping you alive. Your grandmother off my back. Your guards off my back. A feast in my honor, a life-time supply of pies, new shoes…”

[Sheex]

“A banana split, a new set of golf clubs, don’t ask me why I want that cause I don’t even golf, I already mentioned the life time supply of pie right?” Sheex said as he looked at Lila, who at this point was at least three separate shades of red.

“Oh yes. Anything else? Perhaps a million dollars?” She responded with an extremely irritated voice. Sheex just shook his head.

“Nah, money is the root of all evil I say. So, do we have a deal?” Sheex said with a grin on his face. Now it was time for Lila to shake her head.

“No. I can’t possibly get my father to thank you on his knees. And you can scratch the room in the castle as well, for your own safety. You wouldn’t last a day surrounded by royalty. In fact, that whole offer is pretty ridiculous.” Sheex frowned, but figured she was right. There was a ninety percent chance that he’d end up back in prison waiting to be executed if he decided to stick around in this particular country longer than necessary.

“Oh, very well. I guess I’ll just take a thank-you instead. And the bottle of scotch. And if you could keep the palace guards off my back when we return home I’d really appreciate that too. How about that deal?” Sheex said as he stood up and moved the clothes over towards Lila. T