The Greatest Story Ever Told in Althanas

The Greatest Story Ever Told in Althanas!
An Epic Tale of Pommels, Mountains, and Big Musical Numbers
Penned by Flamebird

Quote:

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Solo... How many solo's am I going to do?

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Once upon a cliche time, Felicity Rhyolite was walking down a trial in nature. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping. The air was fresh and crisp. Pulling her shield over her back, the redhead merrily walked along a dirt road.

This was when desperate cries of agony and despair were emitted in the distance, however. Concern crossed our hero's green eyes as the pleas for help came closer...

Two sentient vinyls with cartoonish white arms and legs came running from over the hill. Their dot eyes and noodle mouths were coated in fear. They ran up to Felicity with tears running down their faces.

"Help us! Help us, Felicity!" They wailed.

At first, Felicity was confused beyond belief, "H-how do you know my name?"

"Stop questioning things and listen to us!" One shouted, "It's a total nightmare! Our home is being attacked by an evil overlord!"

Here was when Felicity boldly drew her sword and dramatically shouted, "I will help you, weird circle people!"

They ran off to save the vinyl's home!

Our hero and helpless peasants ran to the top of the hill, where a helpless village was mercilessly being destroyed by sentient, walking talking MP3 Players! Vinyl records screamed as their homes were burnt with the power of radiowaves and surprier technology!

What technology? Well, those literal machine guns were ine example. The mind works in very weird ways...

"Wha... What are those?" Felicity pointed to the machine guns the MP3 Players were holding.

"Oh, those are machine guns." A vinyl explained in a matter of factly tone, "They're like Alerar's guns. But better."

Another vinyl raced to them in panic. "Guys, it's the most horrible thing!"

"Drought?" One vinyl asked.

"Famine?" Asked another.

"Overpriced candy bars?" The first asked again.

"No!" The newcomer shouted, "Those guns... Don't shoot bullets!"

"WUT?" A vinyl shouted, "What do they shoot?"

The second scratched its head, "Pode plushies?"

"No!" The messenger waved his hands. He started bawling as he fell to his knees. In an over the top manner, he screamed.

"THEY SHOOT POMMELS!!!"

Everyone (except our confused hero) gasped dramatically.

"The... Pommel?" The first vinyl started to tear up.

"Not pommels!" The other wailed in fear.

Over in the village, the MP3 Players shouted, "PREPARE TO BE ENDED RIGHTLY, OLD TIMERS!"

Hyperrealistic blood randomly appeared as they shot pommels from the machine guns.

Felicity staggered back in shock, "H-how can we fight such evil?"

Just when all hope was lost, some random chubby vinyl child flew down from the sky, "In all your wildest dreams, you must believe!"

An adult vinyl whiped away a tear, "B-believe?"

"Yes!" The child shouted, "We must have hope! We will stand victorious this day if we just believe in ourselves!"

Out of nowhere, random music began to play. Suddenly, the group was transported to a random greek collision where an orchestra of orange lizards played classical instruments.

"Please tell me I'm dreaming..." Felicity moaned.

The kid vinyl took center stage, then in a high pitched annoying voice sang a big musical number.

"Even when darkness surrounds you
And all hope is lost
And you don't know how you'll get through
And the beautiful earth may rot

You cannot give up!
Please don't give up!

There is always hope!
You are not alone!
There is always hope!
Oh, oh, oh!
Something, something and a boat!
There is always hope!

Light will always break through the darkness
We will find the true identity of the lockness
And I'm running out of rhymes
But you should get up because it's your time
To riiiiiiiiiiiiise!

There is always hope!
You are not alo-"

"Okay! Okay! I heard enough!" Felicity shouted

The music stopped. The child blinked, "So will you believe and save the day???"

...

"... Yes?"

They were all transported back to the village. "Yay!" The child shouted. As the kid dramatically started disappearing, he smiled sweetly, "See you in your other dreams..."

"So... we need to believe in ourselves?" A vinyl asked with a hint of hope.

"Apparently." Felicity shrugged.

Just then, the town elders ran up to them, "Scouts, have you found help-"

They all paused and started looking at Felicity with sparkles in their eyes.

"The..." An old vinyl with a white beard whispered, "... The prophecy is coming true..."

"Prophecy?" Felicity tilted her head.

"Yes!" All the elders jumped up and down, "The prophecy!"

A bald one pulled a paper out from behind his back and opened it. "Yes, the prophecy states that a girl with red hair will come and save us from the MP3 monsters!"

"YAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Everyone shouted.

Before Felicity could humanly react, the vinyls all dragged her into a nearby hut. In the hut, they showed her a scabard with a sword in it.

"This is the weapon you will use to defeat the MP3 Players!" An elder explained, "This sword was forged by Salvar monks with icemold and the blood of the thayne's in the fires of a volcano! It is so powerful, one cannot describe the glory of the unsheathed blade. This is the one and only weapon that can trump pommels..."

Felicity drew the indescribable blade from its sheath.

"It... Can't be..." Felicity's mouth gaped as she and everyone drooled. She mumbled...

"... The katana."

As heavy metal music blasted in the background, Felicity put on a biker outfit and sweet sunglasses. With her mighty fanboy worshipped katana in her hands, she walked outside in such style and awesomeness. The mere sight of the katana was enough to blind all who gazed upon it.

Walking up to the MP3 Army, Felicity struck a dramatic pose, "Surrender, MP3 Players! Nothing can beat the classics of vinyl records!"

As most the army quavered and hid from the katana's incredibleness, the leader growled, pouring nails into his mouth, "Vinyls are outdated and useless. They cannot even connect to bluetooth! Hahaha!"

A squealy guitar solo played as Felicity spoke, "You can never replace the classics." She raised her katana, "Prepare to feel my wrath!"

With that, Felicity raced into battle. MP3 Players exploded upon contact with the katana. As explosions happened in crappy CGI quality, Felicity screamed as she squirted ketchup on herself and wildly swung the blade. Random MP3 Players were struck my lightning as the blade continued to explode MP3's.

At the end... Felicity stood victorious on a pile of broken machines.

The vinyls cheered!

"Yaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

"The prophecy came true!" The elders shouted.

Kittens flew across the sky as inverted photoshopped rainbows appeared. However... The battle was now over yet.

"You must defeat the boss!" A messenger vinyl shouted, he is on top of that mountain that just appeared behind us."

Felicity turned around. Indeed, a snowy mountain had poofed into existence out of nowhere.

Felicity raised her sword, "My katana shall lead me to the top!"

The katana started to fly. In a series of seconds she was lifted to the top of the mountain. It was cold, but this author is too lazy to go into details about setting anyways so just imagine the mountain yourself.

Oh, but there was a cave up ahead.

Felicity heroically, bravely, and epically narrowed her eyebrows as she walked into the dark cave...

"Boss!" Felicity shouted courageously, "I haveth come to fighteth ye!"

Random light appeared out of nowhere, but it let Felicity see who the boss was.

"Oh no..."

IT WAS A DARK ELF CEO.

"Yes, it is I!" The CEO twidled his fingers in an office chair, "The boss!"

Despite being in a cave, wind blew in Felicity's hair for dramatic effect, "No! This evil will not last! I will defeat you!"

The CEO started signing bills, "I'd like to see you try, little girl! In your dreams"

Felicity just pointed her katana at him.

And he dissipated out of existence.

How anti-climatic...

A random light shone into the cave, upon our brave hero. She smirked at her victory, "The vinyls are saved!"

She walked to the edge of the mountain and looked down upon the village. As sunshine shone, new flowers and food grew as the wasteland was revived!

Felicity's smile faded, however, "How do I get back home?"

"Oh, that's easy!"

Felicity jumped upon hearing a sentient bookbag talk from the corner.

"Are... you a bag?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Why yes!" The bookbag smiled merrily, "Yessirie, I'm a bookbag!"

"Ookaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-How do I get home?" Felicity asked.

The bookbag grinned, "Check my bag!"

Felicity reached into the bag and pulled out two rubbies.

"... Why rubbies?" Felicity was confused. In general. At everything.

The bookbag explained, "Just tap them together three times and say 'there's no place like home'!"

"That's... it?"

"Yep!"

Felicity let out a dramatic sigh. She closed her eyes... this had to work!

...


*Tap!*

"There's no place like home..."

*Tap!*

"There's no place like home."

*Tap!*

"There's no place like home!"

And with a magical light, she was flown away by magical sparkles!

As she flew away, the bookbag shouted to her, "Remember, the moral of the story is haste makes waste! The turtle won in the end!"
...

~~~

404
Common Sense Not Found

Upon opening her eyes, Felicity was briefly blinded by the light of day. Raising her hand to block out the view, she suddenly realized she was in her nightgown.

The light white sheets of her bed were sprawled all around. Her hay bed and feather stuffed pillow were nothing new. Baffled, Felicity got up and stepped onto the floor. The floorboards groaned under her weight. As she pulled her carrot orange behind her ears, she walked over to her nightstand. The journal, oil lamp, and glass of water had been left untouched since... last night.

Felicity took the water and opted to dump it over her head. However, a gentle knock on the door sounded first. Now more weirded out than ever, she walked over to the oak door and cracked it open.

"Fel?"

Felicity sighed in relief upon hearing a familiar voice, "Ashla! Oh, thank the thaynes above!"

Confused amusement was in the young adult's face, "Are you okay, Felicity?"

"Yeah, it's just..." Felicity looked down to the ground. Finally coming to, she sighed in relief, "I just had the most bizarre dream..."

Name of Judgement: The Greatest Story Ever Told in Althanas
Judgement Type: No Judgement

Rewards:

Flamebird receives:
400 EXP
50 Gold

Rewards based on 4 post amount after looking through and analysing word count.

All rewards have been added.