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The staff of Althanas is pleased to bring you February's Valentine Vignette. Standard vignette rules and rewards apply as found here.
The prompt for this month is as follows:
This contest will be closed for judgment on March 1st 2018. Be sure to get your submissions in before then!Quote:
Your character finds love suddenly, coming from someplace they would never have expected.
Firelight warmed even the dimmest corners of the cave. A cluster of burning kindling and a circle of stones had been arranged equidistant from the narrow rock walls, the lambent campfire banishing the night from its rightful hiding places. Twigs and logs hissed and snapped under the frolicking flames - above them a heady complexity of puffs. Whisperless cinders left on the smoke wafting toward the cavern cleft, their short lifespans burning up as they departed.
Blankets and bedding were nestled into the innermost nook. The soft bed-roll was unfurled on a mossy and flat slab of stone, elevated from the cave floor but close enough to the bickering heat. The wool blankets were comforting, draping over a sleeping woman snug within them, her arm drooping across her stomach while the other was tucked behind a cushy pillow. She inhaled, filling her nostrils and lungs with the acrid air - held a moment - and exhaled to the sound of a gentle snore.
The woman was dreaming.
His face was familiar. She knew not his name. A stranger full-to-overflowing with life, heart and spirit. His lips were eager, his tongue desirous for the sensation of her taste. His hands were deliberate, his fingers insistent for the sensation of her touch. His breathing so close to her, his breaths carried her scent on his air. The pleasured exhales escaping her finding their way to his heeding ears. His hungry eyes mused with her own, studying her for any responses he could absorb.
She could not prevent his continuous advances, his yearning was all-powerful. She had realized herself beneath his stern jawline and breathtaking physique, found herself possessed by his overwhelming arms. His tongue glided between her lips and her licking caress soothed his desire. His back arced and tensed with the flow of his movements while her embrace received him, her palms and fingertips alleviating his tension. She was choosing to love him, as though she had another choice.
A fierce flurry of wind howled throughout the rock shelter, disturbing the peace and devouring the flickering flames. With an antagonized sputter the fire whiffed out entirely. The logs remained luminous, an angry orange - they were the only diminishing light sources in the room. The night drowned the nature chamber in its ominious influence and snuffed out the light's resistance. Darkness had discerned weakness and lashed out like a cornered monster.
Resentful cold resettled far and near in the cave, seizing the warmth on the rocks and draining it, replacing it. The moss beneath her bedding became cool, even a hint of moisture returning on the black wind. The safety and protection of her blankets collapsed, the material warmth dwindling into a chilling freeze. The woman subconsciously drew the covers closer to herself, making it worse, burying her body in a sheet of ice.
Snow-crunching steps, one by one, slow and measured - the din of them was distant to begin with. To the woman's ears they were strange, she couldn't place them. Each step-crunch sounded nearer than the former, coming closer - like a horse drudging through the snow. The scrunches weren't boots, weren't dark elven, wasn't a dwarf. She would know. It took her too long to decipher, for when she finally knew they were hooves treading toward her they had stopped.
Screaming silence.
Fear besieged her mental walls - the feeling of needing to run was pulverized by the need to remain still, hide and wait. She knew it was there, knew it was looming in the cleft and denying escape. She could sense its eyes upon her, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up on end. Her breath was becoming difficult to hold, the pressure in her lungs demanding to be released. No. She couldn't make a sound, had to be silent. Her life depended on it. Maybe it would go away if she pretended she wasn't alive.
She couldn't do it. She couldn't hold her breath any longer. With a hiss she exhaled - which immediately resulted in an unnatural growl from the creature of nightmare - taking in a desperate gasp of air as she began to cry and struggle with her blankets. She had to get away but it was too late to run. It took far too long to free herself from its trappings and as she was about to leave her makeshift bed she could feel its hot, fuming breath on the skin of her face.
There were no weapons nearby. She couldn't protect herself. Her crossbow was well out of reach, not to mention how long it would take to crank back the string, to load a bolt from her quiver also out of reach, aim and pull the trigger. No. Aggression wasn't the answer. She cowered beneath the inescapable creature, laying back down on the bedding as it crept over her helpless body. Mercy. She whispered for mercy.
"Please. Leave me be."
It roared vehemently, shrieked savagely, voices inside of its voice, as though it was male and female at the same time. Frightened and shivering with dread for what was about to happen, she made the mistake of clenching her eyes shut tight. They would not open again. Her eyelids were heavy beyond comprehension, whether suppressed by her own fear or the creature's supernatural devilry. How can I run when I cannot see where to run to? How will I know where to run from?
Maybe if she screamed like she had never screamed before someone would hear her. Someone would save her from this demon. She stuffed her lungs with all the oxygen she could muster and unleashed a bloodcurdling wail, "HELP M--" interrupted by its choke-hold pinning her neck in place and cutting off any sound she could make. Cumbersome pain burst through her throat but she couldn't cry out in agony. Only tears could trickle down her cheeks. No one can hear me. The monster has got me.
With its smoldering touch her blouse came aflame, ashes falling from her breasts laid bare. Its ignited hand seared her, claiming her flesh as its own. Serrated claws pin-pricked her skin, drawing blood that it lapped up thirstily, its rough tongue scratching against her curves. She twisted and recoiled but couldn't move far, thrashing about in a panic. Held a hostage behind her eyelids, gagged by a demon-grip, restrained like she'd never felt so helpless in her entire life. Dare I start to enjoy this?
She was struck below by its penetrating barb, pain and pleasure and injected venom circulating through her body. Her mind was no longer her own, her thoughts hazing over into fog and forgetfulness. She submitted herself to the sex demon, letting it do with her what it willed, no longer having the strength to struggle. As the incubus began to feast on her emotions she could feel a drag on her mind that pulled her head from its rest. It suckled on her fear, took nourishment from her ecstasy and savoured her torment. Her mind's eye eventually closed.
Yvonne awoke.
Closed for judgment.
February Vignette
Prompt: Your character finds love suddenly, coming from someplace they would never have expected.
Yvonne:
Plot:
You certainly have skill in effectively demonstrating the setting, grabbing the reader's attention by presenting them with a beautiful and well-written piece of scenery. Through elegant and elaborate language you give a clear view as to where your short piece is set. You go easily into the dream, presenting the reader with the romance of the piece, and powerful, sexual connotations and passion. The, by using the wind as part of setting, you bring the attention back to the cave, and the here and now. You continue to use setting, by use of sound ("snow-crushing") and mix in a method of horror into the passion, as there is the confusion of your character over what she should and should not enjoy. It has a good solid pace, and I look forwards to reading your larger pieces.
Character:
You build your character well, with a good show in the initial 'dream' of the inner workings of Yvonne's passion. We see here a lot of her persona, and emotions, of what she may or may not want and some of her inner desires. Though there is little dialogue built, and the action that is there is mainly fighting against the attacker, you have some of the strong foundations of what makes a good character. It seems that you have a good idea of who your character is and what drives her. What I would like to see from this is building the voice of Yvonne, and what exactly being a grey dwarf is. You touch on this, and you meet the prompt well.
Writing:
From the outset you prove a very strong use of vocabulary, using unusual words such as, "lambent," to describe the campfire and some examples of alliteration, for instance, "cavern cleft," that help to build your initial setting and atmosphere. The words flow well together, to make a powerful description, through use of adjectives and adverbs. What you could explore is other linguistic techniques, such as metaphor and simile, as well as use of alternative punctuation. What is there, is all mechanically correct, with good spelling and strong paragraphing skills.
Wildcard:
I want to read more already!!!
As Yvonne was the only person who entered she wins!
Rewards:
100 EXP
200 Gold
1 AP
All rewards have been added.