Towards The Bloody Harbour (closed to jdd)

Whispers throughout Radasanth rung with the rumours of an ancient bloody dynasty. Promises of vast riches beyond all understanding and the ruins of a vast castle standing upon a cliff edge were on the trembling lips of many a late-night wanderer. The words 'horror,' 'terror,' and 'blood-sucker' ran like hunted deer through the narrow back streets, swift as an arrow. The stories varied wildly, from the prospect of a child who had explored his heritage, to the discovery of an ancient house filled with darks secrets. However, when one sought properly, when the veils made by rumour-mongers were shed, one could find truth. In the fact that two people, named Bael and Elaine, were asking for answers in relation to these rumours, and that they would gift any treasure found to the finder. All they wanted was information, in connection with the southern tip of the Tular Peninsula, where a vampire aristocrat had made his home.

A month after the rumours had begun to lull in conversation, and the popularity of them had been replaced by an alternate tale, a ship carved through the southern seas. It was a light but medium sized ship, made of a fair-toned wood and proudly bore three masts. Six sails heaved the vessel through the waters when it attracted a fair wind, and ten pairs of oars pushed else. At the front of the ship a proud fox reared his head and fought the winds and waves, his teeth eternally bared as he faced the horizon. Strongly he bore them forth, representing the ship and her crew with little problem, battling through storm and sun to take them towards the unknown. And between the ears of the figurehead another fox was present - however he was alive. His tail twitched, his eyes stared, and very slowly his chest rose and fell, taking in the seemingly endless sea around them.

"... Well?" came a voice from behind him.

Clomping over the wooden planks on two fine hooves came a tall and graceful faun. Her violet hair was pulled back around her massive spiralling horns and plaited down her back. Nestled between said horns was a black leather hat, shaped into a tricorn and it matched the simple dark leather corset and jacket that adorned her body. Two mighty swords and various other weapons hung from her belt, showing her to be a fine warrior. As she approached the fox lying there in the bright sun she watched the soft wind ripple over his fur, making it shimmer and move like grass in the savannah.

"Well?" she repeated.

Well what? The fox's two blazing golden eyes turned from the horizon in that moment to fix the faun with a stare. Into her mind he spoke directly, focusing with intensity to the one he was bonded to.

"Well, have you seen anything yet?" she asked, her brows raising, "Darling, you have been staring at that horizon for three full days now."

The fox, or rather earth-spirit, for he was only a fox truly in form, flicked his ears in annoyance and showed a row of bright white, sharp teeth.

Philomel, he said, addressing the faun by name, If I had seen the peninsula I would have said. Now if your barings are correct, and if the wind is truly as strong as we are thinking, then we will get there. Soon. But not yet.

Philomel, the faun looked back at him a moment, narrowing her eyes. But then she considered that this dear being was her friend, her dear heart's companion and possibly brother to her own soul. Fighting with him never led anywhere but sorrow for them both.

"Fine," she began to say, "But let me-"

"SAIL, HO!" came a cry from far above them.

Both looked up, right to where the noise had come from - the crow's nest on the middle, and tallest, mast. Eyes piercing through the glare of the sun they stared until a small silhouette of a hand and arm appeared over the edge of the round platform, and pointed to the starboard side of the boat. Instantly the fox and faun turned, their own eyes growing with surprise at the prospect of another ship on these demonic seas, and what it could mean. Heart pounding and hands going to the hilts of weapons they joined the fifty or so other members of the crew in glaring at the horizon.

Where, as the crow's nest lackey had spoken true, a white sail was now appearing.

Just on the horizon if looked at by the faun was definitely a ship, not just any ship, this was a modified fast frigate that had just been saved from being broken up for fire wood. She was the Monique, and she was sailing beautifully, throwing a bow wave up above the weather deck and down half of the length of the ship. In short the Monique was cracken on like smoke and oakum!

Inside the great cabin behind a desk sat Captain Cain Jodin mulling over a log and a chart of the waters they were in. He was tracking a ship, over the last two years he had encountered this particular pirate ship, a thirty six gunned xebec called the Mirage. He had noted where it had appeared and had disappeared and the times of day that it had showed up and had set a course which would take the Monique and her consort the Peregrine right into the center of the sightings in the hopes of finding her port.

At about the same time as the faun's ship sighted the Monique, the Monique spotted the fauns ship "Sail! Sail Ho! Strange sail on the horizon!" A look out shouted. Then a moment later the rata tat tat of the drum beating the crew to quarters alerted Cain of the presence of more than a fishing boat on the horizon. Bulkheads that separated the ship into different cabins began coming down as Cain donned his weapons belt, sea coat and finally his trusty and weathered tricorn hat.

Stepping out he asked his boatswain "Where away?"

Mr. Grimhand pointed and stated "two points to larboard." Cain let his eyes focus to that distance as Mr. Grimhand used the glass but even the average sighted would soon see that the ship they were closing on was no xebec. "She's not the Mirage, and an extra ration of grog for the seaman who spotted her. Good eye." Mr. Grimhand touched his knuckle to his brow and noted the extra ration in the log.

Cain followed up by turning to his signal man "Signal the Peregrine to close into a cable's length and to beat to quarters. Strange sail on the horizon. And give her one signal gun every five minutes til she acknowledges."

Across the near twenty miles of water that made up the horizon on the faun's ship the boom of the Monique's signal gun could be heard and she could see signals going up.

A bright red light flashed into the summer-like air, filling it for a moment with a second sun. Around twenty pairs of female eyes glanced away to the direction it had come from, mumbles starting to spill from between lips. Mumbles became murmurs, murmurs, questions and soon there was a rumble floating over the decks and more pairs of sleepy eyes began to peer out of the two main doors to the cabins below - as well as the central hole in the deck leading to the hold. It was a mighty rumble, full of uncertainty and wonder, with cries of, "What is it?" and, "Captain, I thought there was no other ships expected here?"

Philomel herself still stood at the prow of the ship, a great frown over her features. Brow furrowed, lips downturned she looked between the flare shooting into the sky and Veridian, confusion plain.

"Why are they hailing us?" she asked, mostly befuddled, "Malachi did not say that any other ships would be around here ... did he?"

She spoke of the pirate king, Malachi, to him her ship technically belonged. As a captain of the Feisty Fox, which had been own by the captain Tanglebeard before her, she owed it to the king to provide a tax every quarter. And a healthy tax she usually gave him, at the same time making a good profit for the Gilded Lily's coffers and those of the ship's fifty seven strong crew. All women who had been in the sex profession, but had wanted a life filled with more adventure so applied to be here. On the first pirate floating brothel. Or rather, it had initially been a brothel. Now it did a lot more of the piracy.

Yet being a ship under the pirate king gave Philomel access to information - of the other pirating vessels and their current areas of roman. When she had sent a messenger dove with her plans to the king, she had recieved ones back saying that Malachi knew of no other ships heading to seek out the supposed treasure at the bottom of hell. It was strange, then, to see a ship here that would happily hail them, for usually in their knowledge they were met with undue anger and had to endure much chasing before the Feisty Fox led them to safety.

You know ... you did decide not to put up the bone flag.

Philomel glanced up to the middle mast, at where the unfortunate soul given crow's nest duty today was still pointing over the edge of the wooden balcony. True, there was no black flag there, flying the most excellent embroidered white fox skull, which identified their ship to other pirates. The purpose in not putting it up was largely due the fact that they had not been expecting ... anyone, and so such dramatic demonstrations were not necessary.

"Matriarch!" yelled a huge voice. And thundering could be heard coming up the stairs to the poop deck.

Looking over Philomel and Veridian saw a huge woman, with a thin cut of blonde hair and clothed in strong leather armour running towards them. In her hand she held a massive sword, bare and naked and glinting, and her eyes were wild.

"Matriarch! What is going on?"

It was then Philomel noticed that the thundering rumbling from the questioning crew was still ongoing. She looked over at the woman - a warrior by the name of Maverik who was the captain when Philomel was not on board. As they exchanged lost looks a second light flashed into the sky accompanied with a second blast of noise.

"Matriarch ...?" she yelled, questioning.

"Oh throw up a hail flare back," Philomel sighed. "We might as well meet them on kind grounds. But below decks ... prepare five canons on either side. And someone find me Mao."

She began to walk over the deck, waving a hand in the air, striding to go to talk to - and calm - her wild crew.

"Flairs sir!" announced one of the lookouts in the Monique's tops, this announcement was followed shortly by several other announcements of the same. Cain with his keen vision could already pick up the flairs. Leaning over to Mr. Grimhand Cain mentioned "In about five seconds our signal man will announce that the strange sail wishes to parlay with us." Mr. Grimhand chuckled as the signal man touched his knuckle to his brow and said "Sir, the strange sail wishes to parlay with up."

Cain saluted back and smiled replying "Very good, you may return to your post." Turning to MR. Grimand he ordered "When we're with in random shot, furl the t'galants and top sails, and reef the courses. We don't want to rush by them."

As the Monique closed in on the Feisty Fox the Peregrine closed in on the Monique. Both The Monique and Peregrine were flying Cain's colors a brilliant field of royal blue with a wine colored elongated four point diamond with a black cross running through the center of it. The larger of the two ships the Monique also had a pennant hoisted of the same royal blue and wine red. The pair of ships neared the Feisty Fox and as they did the upper most sails were rolled up followed by the next upper most sails on each ship, finally the bottom most sails were then folded in on them selves.

Both of Cain's ships noticeably slowed and started to keep pace with the foxy ship. As the deck hands began to notice that the crew of the Feisty Fox was all women order began to degrade on Cains ship as the hands started carrying on capers trying to attract the attention of the crew of women.

While Cain enjoyed a good woman, he was currently more interested in the Feisty Fox itself. One could tell a lot about a captain just by the way her ship sailed. The Feisty Fox tacked within it's own wake, this was a sign of a well trained, seasoned crew, but more importantly it was a happy ship. Cain decided that he liked this captain, and her crew.

Cains crew began rigging an accommodation ladder as he asked via a speaking trumpet "Permission to come aboard?"

When the second sail appeared, a wary murmur went through the crew. Philomel's repeated insistence that they were in no trouble did not appease all. For some it simply made their continued confusion turn into panic, and it took Maverik to march up and stare into their faces for them to finally be silent.

"We do not know them," Philomel repeated, "And yes there should be no others in this water. But we will greet them on friendly terms - for now."

"And what is the contingency, captain?" an uncertain voice spoke up, "One ship perhaps we can handle, but not two larger than ourselves."

"Are you doubting the skill of the ship and crew?" One, more confident and very busty crew member looked at the speaker. "We have faced worse."

"But not so in unknown waters!" protested the first person. "Not near such ... Uncertain. There are vampires."

"'Were' and might not be now," Philomel corrected, her hooves now carrying her through the thronging crowd. "Now are you actually going to obey orders and get ready or ..."

A lull settled into the small crowd, with some keeping keen eyes out constantly to the approaching ships. The one in the crow's nest was still there, and the one who held the ship's wheel at the helm had paused in the steering but still had steady hands on it. There were looks being passed around but a Philomel stared, they began to move. At first it was slow, but then a few seconds passed by and the speed built. A whirl of feet and bodies and soon the ship was back to working order.

With a sigh on her lips, and finally satisfied, Philomel herself worked to prepare her people. Bows were dealt out to the twenty trained archers they had on board, and ten muskets alongside that they tended to use far less. She heard the thumping below decks that indicated cannons were being rolled into position. As the two ships came along by hers, almost sandwiching the Feisty Fox uncomfortably between them, Veridian came down from the prow. Tail swishing with apprehension he joined her.

"Permission to come aboard?"

Twirling around Philomel came eye to eye with the site of the captain of the other ship. A tall human with a tricorn hat, and holding a brass trumpet to his lips that echoed and magnified his voice.

"Do we recognise the flag?" Philomel asked Maverik, who stood behind her. She gestured the large, colourful emblem on a flag.

Mav shook her head, her huge frame armed with a hefty sword and a crossbow held low.

"Do not think so."

Pursuing her lips Philomel paused a moment and considered not letting the captain of the other ship aboard. It might cause consternation, and risk combat. Battle was something that she knew her ship had less ability to win, even with her magic and the Feisty Fox's guns.

So she came up with an idea.

"Captain only," she pronounced back. "And we can ... Speak."

Behind her five warriors stood, each with a readied bow, but pointing at the ground. Slowly a board pathway was offered.

Cain smirked and spoke to Mr. Grimhand "If things go south do not hesitate. Mr. Agon will follow the Monique's lead." Mr. Grimhand touched his knuckle to his brow and simply replied "Aye sir." and stepped away. As soon as the path bridging the gulf of both ships was secured, Cain stepped across and the moment his hessian boots touched the foreign deck he paused, saluted the holy Quarter Deck and the ships Captain. Cain was a sanguine, amiable kind of man and was smiling, his right ear or more specifically what was left of it was curled up and cauliflowered, a side effect of a flint lock being fired close to it. His scalp looking like it had been sewed back together on more than one occasion, and of-course there were multiple other memento's of a life at sea. His apparel was well used but incredibly well maintained. His boots, and brass polished to a high shine, his sail cloth nankeen trousers, and shirt were still white, and contrasted well to his blue sea coat.

"Thank you for receiving me Ma'am" Cain stated most cheerfully, oh there were murmurs among the all female crew. But that was understandable, Cain thought as having two ships rigged for fighting happen upon you at high speed out of nowhere would be disconcerting even for a crew as well trained as the Monique's and Peregrines. After the salutes were over Cain took a moment or two to listen to the symphony that the Feisty Fox had made.

Percussion, the base thump, thump, thump of the deck hands walking to and through doing their duty. The watch bell rang with it's sharp ding-ding, ding-ding, there was the slap of the swabs, the thump-shoosh, thump-shoosh of the holy stones, below decks, and the click-clack of windlasses being turned. The stings, cordage being pulled through blocks and tackles, hawser lines being ran through through the holes, and the creek of the ratlines, and stays as sailors changed stations. Winds, the high pitched whistle of the wind blowing through the rigging; the sails, pennants, and flags whipping in the stiff breeze, and the scuttling hiss of water passing along the side of the ship. Finally there was the vocals, not the baritone, and bass of the Monique, but higher as the hands grunted with each pull of the rigging, orders called out, and the idle calls and readings from the crew.

Cain, smiled and said "Ma'am, I am Captain Cain Jodin of the private Man O' War Monique. My ship, and her consort the Peregrine have been following the wake of the Alerarian
pirate ship Mirage. She is a beautiful Xebec rigged thirty six, eighteen pounder ship. Further, your duties withstanding, you, your first mate, and midshipman...woman of the watch are invited to the Monique for supper." His smiled widened to almost full mirth, the practice of inviting one captain to a dinner was common. The only awkward may be from the fact they were female.

Philomel watched as her wary crew got back to their duties. Some continued their chores as they had been before the sail had appeared on the horizon, and the five archers that had been chosen to remain alert gathered in collection around her. They stood ready to defend her life with theirs, truly devoted to the woman they hailed as their saviour. Their saviour from lives that had been ruinous, their saviour from poverty and a cycle that never ended.

She kept herself firm and unyielding as the opposing captain mentioned the Mirage. It was not one that they had come across but certainly it was one they knew of. Malachi, as the pirate king, had some fair connection to it, and got a decent amount of money from its donations, it was said. Philomel did stiffen as he spoke, but refused to turn or look around in case it gave away something of their ship's true nature. She just hoped that none of her sailors, nor Maverik, nor Veridian, chose to stare at him in an obvious way. Any strange glance could be hailed as a 'we are pirates too,' even if the sentence was true for just part time.

And wouldn't such a captain just love to get his hands on a ship that technically belonged to Malachi.

"I am ... Lacey," Philomel said slowly, using her dead mother's name, as she was prone to do when she needed a cover. "And this is my first mate, Mav." She gestured to the huge (literally, Maverik had recently found out that she had giant blood) woman who stood behind, clad in that full leather armour.

Mav just stared, and then grunted, one hand holding her crossbow and the other grasping the hilt of her sword. Philomel nodded, "We are ... the Feisty Fox. A merchant ship. Searching these waters following a rumour of vampires hidden amongst the clifftops," she gestured towards the horizon between the ships, where just beyond both of them would know land lay. "Radasanth is filled with the stories."

Lowering her hand she stood straighter. "If you are looking for a midshipwoman, then you probably will look to Veridian here," she pointed down to the deck at her feet where the lithe fox creature was just stalking.

Gently, Veridian sat on his rump and grinned up at Captain Cain, his golden eyes wide. It was very clear for anyone watching then that he was the model for the figurehead.

Hello, he said into her mind, This ship has nothing to do with brothels or piracy, at all.

Philomel paused, and translated, "Eh, he says hello. And I am sorry but we may have to decline. I am not in the practise of going to-"

Veridian nudged her foot. Make them trust us, he hinted.

Slightly she made a face, and Cain seemed to notice. His brow raised, but he seemed to retain his gentlemanly demeanour.

"Fine, we will come, on the condition that none of your people set foot on my ship. We were not expecting anyone in these waters because of how close we are to the Tular region, so you will forgive my hesitation."

Cain's eyes were sharp and he caught the wry looks, and of course he did higher pirates, smugglers and mercenaries on a regular basis so he knew what to look for. More importantly he knew the difference between the blackguard types and those that were more honorable. There was a way that the ship was sailed that told him even more. His smile turned just a little more knowing but he said absolutely nothing. "Ma'am you have a fine, happy ship, with a well trained crew. Supper will be at four bells of the dog watch. My crew will be glad to receive you as guests, and don't be surprised if there more unofficial invitations from before the mast and the from the quarterdeck. It's not every day that we happen upon a ship full of women who have so much in common." Once again he saluted the holy quarterdeck and then the Captain "Permission to return to my ship."

When the permission was granted Cain passed over the accommodation ladder and ordered "Stand down from quarters, all hands return to your work stations!" In a voice that could be heard over the roar of a full treble shotted broadside. Turning to a squaker a young boy just learning the life at sea he ordered "With my complements, have the cook come see me." When the ships cook arrived they discussed what to feed a faun and a fox and various other guests. During the interim Cain and the Monique's carried out business as usual, the midshipmen were taught navigation while the squeakers were instructed in seamanship and knots. Watches were changed with the ringing of the ships bells and the boatswains pipes. Cain as a good captain made sure that he was involved in with the crew on an almost personal basis, he knew each one of them by name and at-least their parents, and any siblings. He was actually seen on every part of the ship from the quarter deck, to the far end of the bowsprit, to the top of the three inch in diameter spar that made up the royal main mast. Also during this interim the hands that they were sneakier than Cain's eyes carried on capers meant to impress the all women crew across the gulf of water. The performed stunts, flexed their muscles, and raced up and down the ratlines and back stays.

Tim soon came and the ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding of the Monique's watch bell announced that it was supper time. Besides Captain Jodin, Mr. Grimhand, the Monique's watch midshipman, were also present. There were seats enough for the Feisty Fox's captain, her first mate and even a place set for the sentient/sapient fox. The meal was a grand affair and Cain presented it in such a fashion "For the meat eaters!" he announced after a modified 'wives and sweethearts toast' "We have a pheasant pie with mushrooms" and the ships cook and steward brought in a large pie big enough to feed ten people filled with pheasant meat, mushrooms of every shape and size, sweet peas, and onions all swimming in a gravy made of red wine, a most savory dish. "And for those who refrain from eating meat! We have green stuff! Prepared just as extravagantly as the pie!" and Cain did not lie, it was a platter filled with fruits, vegetables and nuts of every kind and with complementary flavors and in the middle of this pile was a dish filled with five separate thick liquids some made of milk, some made of wine and some made of coconut milk used to dip the green stuff in. "Captain! May I offer you the first serving?!" Cain said excitedly.

When the food was passed out and the meal began in earnest Cain said across the table "We had lost the Mirages wake about three days ago when she passed through a fog bank. Yours was the fist sail we had seen since than and we decided to say hello, and see if you had any news." Cain smiled, "but since the trail has gone cold, and we most likely gave you a moment of worry I would like to make it up to you. How can my ships help you?" He asked in earnestness, happy to entertain guests.

The leading ladies (and earth-spirit) of the Feisty Fox were sumptuously entertained for the evening. Despite what Captain Cain seemed to suspect about them, his crew and he lavished upon them fine food. Veridian tore at the hunk of pheasant before him through the night, savouring every last drop as Philomel dined on good vegetables. For a while now she had been eating purely vegetables, in an attempt to better understand her goddess. It had taken its toll - she had lost some of her strength recently, and her powers seemed to be going through a shift - yet she felt in control. She felt honestly closer to Drys than ever before, feeling the earth more solidly, the plants as living beings and the rocks and dust around her as something to manipulate. As the evening went on and day turned to dusk she allowed herself to relax on the deck of the Monique.

Maverik was some what different. Tense and bold she remained with a stiff back and in her armour the entire affair. Though she ate, she remained alert of every movement that came out of the corner of her eye. As men milled around her she felt more and more uncomfortable, until the dark hours began to come and she became suspicious that she could not protect her Matriarch. Slowly she began to lean over as the Captain of these other ships stood, about to address her concerns.

"We had lost the Mirages wake about three days ago when she passed through a fog bank. Yours was the fist sail we had seen since than and we decided to say hello, and see if you had any news ... but since the trail has gone cold, and we most likely gave you a moment of worry I would like to make it up to you. How can my ships help you?"

The great woman's lips parted and instead she whispered something else into the faun's ear.

"We should get back to our mission, Matriarch," she said quietly. "We are wasting too much time."

Philomel waved a hand and sat up, now enchanted by the suave gentleman before her.

"We are heading to the coast - where the rumours of the vampires come from. The tales say an ancient vampire castle sits atop a cliff, and we are heading there in order to ascertain the truth. If you have been to Radasanth recently, where do most of our trade, then you may know of the siblings Bael and Elaine who are calling for any news of what may be. As a self-employed merchant vessel we were able to take the time off from our clients to come here," she lied the last part easily.

By her side Veridian perked up from his third bird and tilted his head at her, before gazing also at the other captain with huge golden eyes. Simply he grinned and nodded. Yes, yes, maybe they can help?

Uneasily Maverik growled, "Matriarch ..."

"It is our expectations that the cliffs lie due north east, around five leagues from here. We were headed there until you ... well, found us, I suppose. The rumours speak of treasure, of enemies to be dealth with ... everything really." She pulled a grape and popped it in her mouth, "Do your ships partake in such things?"

In Cain's great cabin the dinner ended with more wine and what looked like incredibly thick chocolate pudding surrounded by a frothy and sweet milk substance. Cain made every effort to keep up with the earth spirit but finally conceded after he ate he second pheasant and unbuckled his belt. "Ma'am, I make sure that my ships stay in business, so we take part in many things." The over full captain grinned "which includes treasure hunting." Cain had started off his sea life as a squeaker on a whaling ship, and eventually was able to purchase his own ship and start running trades at the start of the Coronian civil war. That was when he discovered he had a knack for smuggling, and an even better knack for sea fighting and found himself being given a letter of Marque.

Now there was now civil war, the Peregrine and Monique had letters of marque for Coronian pirates, former privateers and sea captains that felt betrayed after Corone or the Empire didn't need them. Then there were those captains that played both sides with no loyalties to any one but their pocket book. There were several other pirates besides disillusioned sailors, and that kept Cain and his crews busy, but there were lulls in the hunting where he participated in other less controversial ventures. Treasure hunting was one of them, he had been successful enough in the past to continue such pursuits.

"Our ships will be happy to assist!" Cain exclaimed "You are here first so we shall fall under your wake." Cain was about to go on to negotiate what percentage of the prize his ships would receive for the assist, when a young sailor knocked, stepped in and saluted the dining party "Sir, Ma'am, lookouts have sighted land through the fog bank, two points to starboard, the Peregrine and Fox both can confirm, and we are in soundings; sand and broken shell."

Cain saluted back and said "very well, an extra ration of grog for the lookout who first spotted it. Thank you!" Returning to faun captain "Ma'am, if you would like to you can can make a trip to the tops and see for your self I'll have a cup of coffee brought up to you directly."

Philomel stood at the helm of the Monique, wind blowing wild in her hair. Beside her stood the gentlemanly form of Captain Cain. Using her art of subtulty the faun assessed the man with several aside glances, at the same time as her awareness moved through the ship.

The Monique positively thrummed with hard working life. Energy, made in the feet of the crew as they moved to go about their daily duties, was strict to a personal level, each one exerting himself with the most normal amount of effort it seemed, as she felt their feet stride over the wooden panels that made up the vessel. Philomel felt a great enthusiasm in them, for none faltered at taking on the rhythm of the work here, none made mistakes aside from the purely human errors. Overall she felt a good few dozen rooms with dust and small rats living in the true bottom. There was also around a crew of fifty people, all mighty it seemed and not likely to put up a weak fight.

Cain was of similar build. His broad back spoke of years of experience, arms of strength. His whole stature spoke command and she could only imagine what an inspiration to these men he was, due to their willingness to keep working. He seemed the sort to respect honour, and though she was sure he now at least suspected part of the Feisty Fox's true identity, he did nothing about it. Perhaps he was planning on acting on it later, when her back was turned - but Philomel had already spoken to Maverik about this. As Philomel leant over the balcony of the ship she let herself be entirely at the captain's possible mercy, and an eagle-eyed Mav watched from the edge.

Before them was a true tall cliff, closer now as the three ships closed in. It was not clear if there was a beach to successfully land in, but at least there was the clear sign of their destiny. White cliffs, with the scar of a dark, foreboding building atop - the castle spoken about in legends.

"There," Philomel straightened and held up a hand, pointing at the castle. "Looks ruinous but there," a great smile slid across her face. "It exists, captain Cain."

Between them a russet shape jumped, right up onto the balastrade. Great golden eyes belonging to the earth-spirit gazed out over the sea for a long second - and the faun and the human remained quiet, respectful.

Eventually Veridian turned to her and nodded. The one, he said to her. I am sure.

"Lovely," Philomel went on. "Now all we need is to find somewhere to land."

"Furl everything but coarses, and pass word through out the ship that we are to beat to quarters. Quietly, no drums, no calls, no whistles" ordered Cain to his crew. Only the lowest sails were spread and the Monique passed through the fog with a man on either side of the ship taking sounding as quick as they could. A messenger ran back and forth letting the helmsman and con know the depths of the water beneath the ships.

The water was dark almost inky having an oily grey color to it, the fog made the creeks, idle talk, and footsteps of the ship muffled. Cain kept an eye, or ear as it were out for the other two ships in the makeshift squadron. The Fox was about two hundred yards behind the Monique, and the Peregrine about four hundred yards behind the fox. The messenger a squeaker not more than twelve years old announced softly "Four feet below drought."

Cain nodded and ordered "Pass word to drop anchor, we'll stay at single anchor and proceed in jolly boats." The anchor splashed into the water and the Monique slowed to a halt. Followed by the Fox and Peregrine Cain complemented to the Faun "your crew is well trained" in a whisper.

Above the ships sat the cliff a stark bone white, with large water cuts which were reminiscent of dragons teeth twisted in a hideous grin. Looking further along the cliffs was near impossible because of an ever thickening fog bank. "Ma'am the Peregrine has a shallow drought... I used her a lot during the Civil War. She can creep farther up into this fog and find a beach to land a party there."

The castle was something out of another era, old with stones that have been sculpted by the weather it self in contrast to the white stone of the cliff it loomed black and crimson.. Towers pierced the sky above the fog like spears, covered in old clay shingles. Flags and pennants flew over the towers from long ago and were tattered. Inside the castle walls was a large keep of grey cobblestones looking more modern but just as foreboding with large circular parapets on the corners. The entire image was reminiscent of a torture device, for a large and unkeepable beast.

"This is your party Ma'am. How do you want to proceed?" Cain asked looking at the situation.

Gazing up at the vast white cliffs before them Philomel pursed her lips and considered the options.

One would be heading straight up the cliffs. As an earth-mage and summoner she knew automatically that there were ways to climb a cliff. As a faun such a thing was not beyong by pure nature - fauns shared their goat kin's ability to scale almost sheer walls. It was a mixture of raw strength plus the secret of softer underside on the hoof. Her eyes spied enough nooks and ledges to be able to heave her body up it, weapons and all. However, beyond hoisting herself and Veridian on her shoulders it would mean leaving any others behind, and Philomel had a very large feeling that Captain Cain wanted to be part of the group to explore the castle.

What he offered also was for the Peregrin, his other, smaller ship, to take them into shallower waters. Indeed, it was a possibility but as the mist had settled around them it had been hard to see currently where even land began. The cliffs were clear themselves - they and their monolithic castle rose from the greying fog like a creature from hell - but actually where their feet were was somewhat difficult. Smaller boats, the ones that Cain had described as 'jolly' and Philomel preferred to simply say 'rowing', would certainly be their ally here to get them closer to it. It would indeed lead to the higher chance of finding a beach, but one that led to a path up to the castle itself was another question. Would the great vampire lord who had once lived here really provide such easy access to his domain? Would he even need a castle if he could fly, as the legends went. How many sailable beaches truly gave a steady and safe route back to the mountaintop that they rested by, if any at all?

Philomel considered her options for a moment, then a small smile came to her face as she simply gave in, and decided to show off to the Captain. Such was her personality.

"If neither you, nor I, Captain Cain, know these waters then finding a beach could take a fair while. Instead, I offer something that will be a little unusual for you, but will get us to the castle much quicker. All we would need to do is get to the edge of the cliff. The bottom of it, and I believe there your happy boats could help us," she smiled.

And she perused her mind, heading deep into the recesses of her community. Skimming over the edge of Veridian's presence she let him know of her exact intentions. Curious, but excited, the fox swung his tail, his own eyes staring at the heavy, dark castle above them with intrigue. Truly, he wished to explore also. Onwards, Philomel went, ignoring the small rabbit who scurried around, somewhere, in the recesses of her ship, and sank into the belly of the earth. Once there she called out, waited - and she was answered by a mental roar.

A roar which was then echoed over the mile of rock, water and wood that separated faun from her dragon, and who would be their key to climb the great white wall.

"I hope you like dragons," she quietly said.

As Delath the earth-beast began to rise from the foundation stones far beneath the cliffs themselves. Physically eating his way through the rock to come to the surface and to the aid of his mistress.

"Well, that's one way to do it." Cain said with a smile as he heard the distant roar. "But to be on the safe side. Mr. Grimhand please soak a sail and have it placed over the powder magazine." It was a small precaution, dragons had a reputation for breathing fire, and fire and powder did not mix at all. Cain could hear the rhythmic rumble, rumble, rumble of it's digging as it approached.

As the rumbling through the earth grew louder Cain proceeded with what needed to be done. "Ready a jolly-boat, Ma'am" Cain indicated a little four oared boat that could accommodate a shore party that was being hefted over the rail of the Monique. It was painted in the same chequer pattern as both of Cain's ships. "If you wish to be lowered away with the boat that can be accomplished." The boat sat there waiting until the faun picked her half of the shore party and made the decision as to rather she would be lowered with the boat or would rather wait till the jolly-boat touched the water.

Rather the faun rode the boat down or waited Cain, and his part of the shore party waited until the jolly-boat was lowered and then over the side Cain and company went lowering them selves on the same ropes as the jolly-boat was lowered with. It wasn't a fast paced, streaking drop into the boat but a more easy paced, and gentle landing. As Cain's part of the shore party landed they found their posts at the oars, with Cain taking the spot of one of the rowers. There was one simple command coming from the Captains lips "Stretch it out."

The rowers including Cain worked in unison each one pulling in tandem, years of service with one another had made the quartet act as a well oiled machine. The only sound from the group was the sound of the oars dipping into the water and occasional grunt. Eventually the jolly-boat's side scraped against the white rocks of the cliff. "Ship your oars" Cain ordered and rested against his as they awaited the dragon.

Her eyes closed as she pressed her hand gently against the white rock at the feet of the mighty cliffs. Into it, through the flesh of her palm she threw her concentration, letting awareness flow into the firmness of the earth and wholly matter. That which was earthly in her, her magic and of Drys, was thrown into the stone that supported these waters and spiralled outwards, rapidly, feeling each weakness, each pore, each tiny flicker of lichen aching to survive.

Down into the depths she delved, as deep as she could go. And onwards further she reached with her mind, once more for that reptilian connection. Humming, gnawing at the very rocks around him and moving towards her as a worm does, digging, eating, crushing. She saw his glittering eyes gleam in the darkness, seeking out her in all of that gloom. His mind expanded, urging to be joined to hers once more, with long mental tendrils that only wanted the faun that had taken the place of his mother.

Softly, he breathed through the earth, focusing entirely on her. And intently and powerfully, in a deep, echoing voice he said, for the first time, a single word.

Philomel.

Her eyes fluttered open. Quickly, surprised, she removed her hand from the wall and looked down, staring at. Seconds passed and she furrowed her brow as she felt the general connection to the intense presence of the plants and rocks directly nearby ebb away. Yet - her connection to Delath did not. Instead she continued to see him at the back of her mind, chewing at the granite and limestone around him, heading up right towards them.

Philomel.

"Drys' illustratious gown!" she gasped and looked right past the confused Cain, to Veridian.

The golden eyes blinked as the fox being sat poised amongst the sailors as calm as can be. It was just him and Philomel in this little boat with Cain and his men. Maverik had found there no room on this boat and was feverishly following behind, eyes intent on watching theirs through the fog.

He knows your name, Veridian commented, tail twitching.

"Erm ...?" came the question.

"Ah yes sorry," Philomel looked over at Cain and smiled. "Sorry, my dragon just ... Spoke. Clearly for the first time. He's almost here. He-"

And at that point, on queue, the cliff-side just to the left of them began to crumble. Small rocks fell off at first, tiny flakes that built to pebbles. Then minute cracks, shaking earth that built to a rumble and entire rocks began to pop out until -

Until a hole appeared. And in that hole, right in the wall of the limestone formation, appeared the turtle-skin, mottled green and brown, hugely horned and fanged head of Delath.

He grinned, massive canines showing.

Philomel, he told.

Up, up, they climbed with the help of the stone dragon, Cain's eyes were creased in amusement as the shore party was assisted up by such a mighty beast. Grinning at the top of the cliffs he mentioned to the Faun, "no wonder you didn't take a shore party" it was a compliment.

The gargoyles guarding the castle, faces twisted in an ugly snarl took away the Captain's grin. Before even thinking of continuing on Cain double checked his gear, making sure his pistols were already loaded. The torches inside the parapets glowed with a dim cold light, and there were strange shadows playing on the walls. The wonder of rather or not it was an entity causing the shadows or just the strange flickering of the lights. With in the bailey the breeze cause flute like noises to echo and hiss around the castle as a whole.

There was movement but even Cain's sharp eyes couldn't catch what was making it. He pointed out where he noticed the movement, "I don't think they appreciate us being here." The timbers across the draw bridge were old and creaked as the group crossed over it and passed the gate houses with gate and bridge rusted open. There were whispers just passed the ability to hear them something just beyond what one could touch almost. Doors creaked, chains rattled and there was a distinct feeling of being watched. Cain scratched a near by door seal. It wasn't the ships rail but it was close enough, he smiled and turned to his shore party "Monique's, stay by the cliff for now" much to the chagrin of the shore party "we may need a hasty retreat. Shore party receives an extra ration of grog." He encouraged before turning towards the faun "Ma'am may I suggest your dragon friend supplement the shore party?"

Indicating the keep it self Cain suggested "If I were to hide a treasure it would be in that big building there, it seems to be the hardest part to get to." He stepped back, he was of the sea, not of the earth after all, and now being on shore he was merely a follower.

The plan that formulated between them was an ambush. A small, eager party of them would head straight to the castle and ascend the towers with a single purpose of finding the treasure room. What sort of glittering and shiny things waited inside was a mystery but with something this old and mostly intact it was highly likely they were still there. Hidden, secret, treasured.

Philomel glanced back to the few comrades that they now had. Maverik had been forced to stay behind in the boat. With only enough room on Delath's back to carry Philomel, the captain and Veridian, there was no possibility of her coming on the first trip. And as the faun, human and fox-form earth-spirit discussed it did not look likely that the warrior woman would. Thus, she was left by herself, amongst men who might betray her, but with the resources to act if this all fell foul.

I just hope she remembers that we are still one ship to two, Philomel thought with a sigh. Despite that we have their captain we are ultimately still under their watch. And I will give them no reason to take my crew into custody.

Raising herself slowly onto her feet she surveyed the vast wall beyond them, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff. Indeed, the wall was built partly into the cliff-side, making the sheer face simply taller. They had come up to the closest side possible, where grass began and a path was visible in the darkening light. Luckily they had a certain dragon who could scale straight walls of rock.

Curiously, Philomel glanced back over to Delath and asked in a quiet voice, eager to know more about his new discoveries.

"Do you know any other words?

Philomel, the dragon grinned at her, bright eyes shining. Philomel! Philomel!

It seems that is all he can say ... Lacey. Veridian snorted, sitting nearby.

Cringing slightly on the reminder that she was using her dead mother's name, Philomel leaned over to rub the dragon's nose.

I think you're too big for an ambush sweetheart, she told the beast as he was poised on the edge of the cliff, bunched up beside the castle wall. His tail dangled over the side like a washing line trail. Why don't you hide for a bit?

Delath let out a huff, losing his grin. Philomel ... he mumbled in his mental, deep and thunderous voice. Phi ... Lo ... Mel.

She kissed his nose gently and gestured away. With much reluctance the huge animal huffed, but then twisted away and began to thunder his way back down the cliff, using his massive jaw to make ledgeways for his feet ... And making a hell of a noise.

A distraction. Perfect time to start. Philomel suddenly grabbed Cain's wrist and began to run, flat out and far to the east, where a small gap in the walls could be seen and where they could begin their quest. All while any ghostly guards concentrated their effort on Delath, in the corner they were running far away from.

Cain, may not have been as fast as the faun, but he was not slouch neither, he sprinted through the gap in the wall along side his cloven hooved companion. Inside he saw, something much more tangible than ghosts. The creatures were hunched over and moved around on their hands in a similar fashion as a great ape. But they were not apes, they were at one time human, or at the very least humanoid, their skin was a grotesque, and mottled, bruised purple color. They had fangs of a sickly yellow color in place of what used to be teeth, and their hands were bent into gnarled claws. They were the guard dogs of what ever, host had taken this castle for its own.

While most had concentrated their efforts on attacking the wall closest to the noise, the Fauns pet was making, there were enough to still take notice of the trio. Just like real guard dogs, these creatures began growling, and snarling before charging straight for the trio. Cain grinned, "This is more like it" he said drawing his pistol, and firing at the nearest creature. The cast iron shot hissed through the air preceded by a light pop, the ball hit the creature in it's arm causing it to stumble in it's lope, and roll to a halt. The injured creature was set upon by its pack mate. Others still closed in on the three interlopers, and the good Captain fired another ball from his second pistol. Again it hissed through the air and there was a slight plop sound as it found purchase in another one of the creatures.

The second creature was struck in its shoulder and reared back and screeched in pain, grabbed its shoulder and writhed in the ground kicking up dust. Still the creatures kept on coming. Cain looked at the faun as he fiddled with a second, much more exotic looking kind of gun "Think you can funnel them towards us in a line?" What ever weapon the captain had been fiddling with began to hum with two cylinders beginning to spin in opposite directions along the barrel.

"Naturally," Philomel said, carving the head clean off a beast.

Softly, she landed on the earth, the corpse of the creature slumping down beside her and oozing thick red blood over the grass and dirt. Somewhere close by Veridian was wrestling with a younger beast, his jaws clamped around the throat of it and severely growling as he was tossed side to side. Bodies of the ape's comrades lay around them like the remains of a storm, or the contents of a midden heap. Flames ran up the fox-form earth-spirit's back, threatening to break free and set his form alight - however he was holding back for some reason, denying the fire-spirit within him the right to take control. Instead it seemed that Veridian wanted to prove his worth as just a fox with embers and nothing more, no mark of the enraged dire fox coming as yet.

The faun merely smiled, and then turned her back to her beloved fox, instead focusing on Captain Cain. She watched as he swung around a 'gun' of intriguing dimensions and form, that seemed to gleam with something other - an ability beyond what was normal for those bang-sticks. Personally, as a servant of nature, she despised the machinations of Alerar, finding them unsightly, untoward and an abhorrance of what the world desired. Yet, in these times of battle Philomel would not argue against those who preferred the use of such a thing. After all, she had once had a cousin, Blodwen, who used a 'pistol' bang-stick, and the two fauns had ended up agreeing to have a difference of opinion.

If Cain could use it well, as it seemed he was capable of doing, then that suited her fine. Thus, when he asked her to form the beasts into an orderly queue she did not proceed to educate him on the proper use of machines, but rather did as suggested. Her hoof came down into the earth and a fine, solid crack appeared, savagely ripping up stone and earth as she sent a quake before her and past the wall. It ran through the gap in the wall, and onwards towards the castle where the few beasts that were theirs came from. Those that headed screeched in a horrible way and skittered together, forming a single long line in the wake of the directed earthquake.

Somewhere else Delath teased creatures by ducking his head over and in through the wall. Every so often he would snatch a beast in his maw and throw them to their doom in the waters below. Veridian also was doing well, finally felling the monster he was determined to kill in his normal, smaller form. Philomel focused on these two in her mind, then set herself the task of keeping the beasts before her in line.

As her quake fell back to silence she summoned up the dirt around her and sent it as a solid pelt forwards, once more causing an obstacle in which to keep them in check.

If Cain knew just how powerful his companion was, he would have just let her mop the floor with these creatures. But he asked if she could line the creatures up for him, the caster gun was armed and Cain took aim and squeezed the trigger. The two cylinders began to flare out of their vents, the high pitched hum grew in volume, and pitch; and out of the barrel came a beam of concentrated, raw tap energy which pulsated as it erupted forth. The beam cut through the nearest creature like butter, dissipating with every consecutive creature that it cut through. Before finally hitting the wall behind the creatures spreading across, and scorching the stone.

Smoke hissed from the spent round that was ejected from the caster gun, "I took this as a prize, some time ago. The rounds are hard to come by, but it's worth it in a situation like that." He holstered the weapon, and could be described as quite happy, Cain was at his heart a fighting captain and was within his element in a grand sea action, an assault on a shore battery, or boarding, and taking another ship. His cheeks were flushed with blood to a point where they were almost crimson, which contrasted heavily with his emerald green eyes, and sea blue of his sea coat. He had a bright smile which creased the corners of his eyes into crows feet.

"Shall we, repair to the keep Ma'am?" he asked with a mild jocularity.

The keep was easily the oldest building of the castle, its walls were crumbling here and there, the gargoyles that had not fallen into the ground were in danger of doing so in the next rain storm. The windows were shutter-less, most were smashed open by time, as was the front gate house which had a heavy iron gate closed and rusted shut. The lattice work was luckily broken on the side with the various slats splayed apart violently. From the look the gate seemed to used to try to keep something inside the keep instead of trying to keep people out.

Cain grabbed the one of the slats with both hands, pressed his foot against the gate and pulled. The iron snapped like a dry twig and sent the good Captain back pedaling till he tripped and landed on his duff. "Hahahaha! This is warm work." he said starting to enjoy this assault.

In that moment she decided she liked the captain. Despite what he was - a hunter of pirates - she had come to feel appreciation for him. That way that he made his gun hum and forced the whole line of beasts to fall like sheaves of wheat before him.

That, the Matriarch of the Gilded Lily could respect and like the man before her. Eagerly she ran with him, thoughts of keeping an eye on him for signs of betrayal gone for the interim. She heard the growls and roars of Delath begin to ascend as he fought back the waves of creatures on him, and she felt the pad of Veridian's footsteps behind her. The reminder that Delath had spoken came back to her - but she quickly dismissed it, remembering the battle at hand.

Gripping her sword Nameless tighter she ran at the bars herself and began hacking through the rusted metal with her superior mythology blade. No one seemed to notice, the guards were either dead already or being distracted by Delath. For now they had cleared themselves a path and Philomel was sure that ascent to the treasure room was close at hand for them as she assisted to smash into the building.

It came to a solid, wooden door and she just grinned. Twisting around the faun gave a single, almighty kick with her leg, sending more chaotic earthquake energy through it. At the apex of the hit a small dent appeared. This soon began to splinter, forming hairline cracks that soon began to crunch and growl. Like a spider's web the lines began to stagger out, first slow and then faster. Soon they became a mosaic pattern that jaggedly ate up the door and held it, still, before the entire thing went crashing in, revealing a dark, ugly corridor.

"Lovely," Philomel said, and she gestured. "Would you like to go first captain?"

Me first, came a voice. And pounding feet.

Veridian darted forwards, his coat rippling with flames. They struck up, dancing and bright, bringing illumination suddenly to the interior of the castle. He nickered, proud as he began to stride in, tail of fire swishing to and fro.

And then he was suddenly hit in the side by an unseen force.

Cain's eyes went wide, as the fiery fox got swept to the side, there was a kind of mist that was creeping through the keep, it seemed as if both shadow and mist was being drawn to the central chamber. Cain shouted energetically, "Let's hubble!"and fired both of his pistols. He should have known better, its mist and shadow, nothing solid for a ball to find purchase in. The mist began backing off deeper into the keep as the fire fox undaunted by the surprise attack charged into the entity.

Parts of the shadow dissipated and the mist spread back out. Cain grinned, and fished in his pocket for another round for his caster gun, loaded it, and fired! The cylinders, spun, and the beam erupted from the barrel. The beam struck the entity pressing it against the wall, at the same time verdian the fiery kitsune darted out of the way, his flames erupting like lamp oil being touched off by a torch. The entity rumbled as it coalesced back into a more condensed form. As soon as Cain's shot had fizzled out, the fox leaped back into the fray. The canines bit flamed through what ever shadow and mist the creature really was.

Every attack seemed to dissipate the mist, and shadow. Until finally a humanoid abomination sat there panting, bent over. It was a pale creature with sharp nearly handsome features which hid a malevolence about it. There was a blood lust to its eyes but, even a casual eye could tell that it was tired, and unused to being fought so heavily. Not for quite some time at any rate, it spotted the faun, and sensing that she was the biggest threat, charged.

Charging at the faun of fauns was a mighty mistake.

With speed that would rival a flying dragon Philomel let out the mightiest curse and shrieked an angered bleat. Throwing her sword to the side she began to immediately run, screaming her challenge to him. In that moment she responded to her deeper, more instinctive nature and began to lower her head, where her massive curled horns were.

Never, repeat never, charge a faun.

Speed, determination. She charged at the same velocity as the enemy did - then more. Halfway through her run her body began to morph as it responded to her wild beastial nature. Thick hair began to grow from the neck down, blossoming like a mane and squeezing out from under her chestguard. The horns began to curl larger, longer, the face began to lengthen and by the time she got to the enemy there was no Philomel.

There was an enraging, ferocious true two-legged goat. Muscles were mightier, the whole body had expanded. And - SLAM - she pounded into the beast.

She was faster. And stronger. The beast that had been smoke and was now some form of gnarled, disgusting hybrid of dead and alive. It snapped at her face with jaws of dirty teeth and stinking breath as she pushed it back, back, back ...

Through a door. That crashed inwards with a mighty crunch. Falling back under the pressure and unexpected movement of it the beast fell right back on his rump, with the goat-headed faun flying to land on top.

Something of logic within her still lived. Grabbing the bright green dagger on her waist Philomel kept the beast down before plunging with the blade. A single second it was, a single second and she could move. Slash, down, hard ...
Right into the beast's heart.

There was a moment of stillness. Then the beast suddenly vanished underneath her and all there was was a thin, weak mist. With a soft, terrified wail, it whisked from underneath Philomel, causing her to drop down, flat to the broken door. Then, washed on a non existent wind the stream of smoke that had been the beast whipped away, weak and severely injured, fleeing back down the corridor and out of sight.

Out of mind.

Leaving Philomel and Captain Cain triumphant.

It was only then that Philomel realised they were in a room full of golden, glittering coins.

Judgment: Basic

Strengths


Storytelling

The story wasn’t without its faults, but I liked the idea. Sometimes, simple is best and this was a straightforward, fun piece that piqued my interest from the start. It explored a number of elements (pirate vs pirate hunter and treasure hunting, culminating in some traditional monster fighting) which made for a fun read.

Philomel, your strength here was how you played Philomel’s part in the story, ensuring that she stuck to her guns and tried a little subterfuge to win around Cain Jodin and his men. It offered something different, without being spectacular.

JDD, what I like about you is that you stick to what you know and try to get the best out of Cain. Maritime lore is your strength; you know the industry and apply it well to your writing, giving the reader a good insight into life on the ocean.

Technique

Philomel, the one thing I liked about your writing was your technique and how you introduced an entire spectrum of literary devices to give the reader a picture of your story. You marry vivid description with easy to understand terminology that brought scenes to life and made your posts very easy on the eye. Even describing a simple action (“Clomping over the wooden planks on two fine hooves came a tall and graceful faun”) gave character and colour to Philomel.

JDD, I have seen a lot of improvement from you. Not only this, but you have managed this consistently over not just this thread but many others, showing your adaptability to various plots and themes. I’ve always found a nautical theme difficult to adapt to, due to its sometimes limited scope for setting, but you take to it very well and use the terminology at your disposal to paint a good picture of what is going on. You are also starting to bring some lovely visualisation into your writing and this is absolutely the thing to do to enhance your reader's experience of the thread, so well done.

Clarity

One of both of your strong areas is your ability to make things clear. Rarely do I read your work and wonder what is going on and why, and this strength is another ever present in this thread. Philomel, again, this stems mostly from your excellent command of prose and your specific technique, so where one is strong it is typically because the other is too. JDD, your clarity is down to more of a matter of fact approach with your technique, which can be a double edged sword (as we’ll cover shortly)


Weaknesses


Pacing

I almost labelled this “commitment” because one accusation I am going to level at you both on this is the lack of commitment towards the end of the thread. I felt as if you were rushing through the story from posts sixteen onwards, and I felt that the fight with the monster was a bit of an anticlimax because of this. I am not sure whether the thread was planned or written on the hoof, but it felt like there was a lack of consistency that made everything feel a little rushed. This detracted from the enjoyment a little.

Mechanics

JDD, though I have seen a lot of improvement with you, there are some problems I feel you have perhaps not shaken off. Punctuation and grammar, though vastly improved upon earlier efforts here and on Althanas 3.1, are still sometimes lacking fundamentals. A quick spell check can eliminate most of these problems, though, so I would advise running your posts through a spellchecker before nailing them down on a thread.

Philomel, your biggest flaw in this category was perhaps repetition. It sounds very nitpicky, and it probably is due to the quality of your writing, but seeing "mighty" and "mightiest" along with "beast" repeated within a couple of words looked odd and disjointed. There were one or two other examples of this throughout the thread. I realise this is a minor issue but, like I said, I am nitpicking a bit.

Conclusion

As with the pacing, I felt a bit let down by the conclusion. I always want the final posts to be something you can leave me with to make me want to read more, and on this occasion the final posts from both of you seemed abrupt, serving to highlight the issues I underlined in pacing above. JDD, you finished without really giving me anything to cling onto, instead choosing to narrate the beast's actions rather than give me either a definitive conclusion or a cliffhanger for Cain. I really wanted to know how Cain felt, what he could see and what he could feel in his last post.

Philomel, you gave me a cliffhanger but I felt the battle with the beast was too short and I was hoping to see something more of the treasure room you had both found; perhaps how Philomel felt when she happened upon all that gold. Wonderment? Excitement? Fear? I really wanted to know what the faun was feeling right at the end.


Judge's remarks

The weaknesses may seem a little scathing upon first read, but it is important for you both to know that I know how good you guys can be. Philomel, your writing speaks for itself so I know that many of the criticisms in here will be null and void come your next thread. JDD, your improvement is something to be proud of and I respect how you hunger for meaningful feedback, so I hope I have helped you here. Now you perhaps just need to kick it up a gear. If you take on board the strengths and weaknesses here, you'll go far. Thank you both for letting me judge this thread!

Rewards

All rewards are inclusive of the October festival 1.5x bonus, and JDD earns an extra 10% for improvement on previous judgments!

Philomel receives 2520 EXP and 180 GP!

JDD receives 1935 EXP and 165 GP!

All rewards added!