It had been forty five days, forty five days that he has been gone. I knew in my heart that Erik would come back to me regardless but I didn’t think it would take him this long. My mind on the other hand was playing horrible tricks. The what ifs were literally driving me insane, and his absence wasn’t only just effecting me.

What if he found something better, or someone better? What if he decided he didn’t want to be tied down not that we had even discussed exactly what we were yet. He did tell me he loved me, hadn’t he? Maybe my mind made that up at well. I dug into the coat pocket I was wearing and took out the piece of paper that I had, it was littered with small ticks. Forty five of them all in a neat little row grouped into fives. Nikita even whimpered softly at the notation of it being so long.

I walked the streets aimlessly, I couldn’t stand being in that room with the memories of him every where. “By the Goddess I can’t go on with not knowing what the fuck is going on,” I groaned loudly earning me the a few worried glances by people walking by. I glared at them before stomping off almost like a small child.

Winter had finally let go of the land and Spring was shaking off Winter’s bitter aftermath. Small buds were slowly starting to pop out, green lush leaves were slowly starting to spring out. The only thing that kept me inside was Erik and now him being away on business I found myself outdoors a lot. I even let Nikita out, shifting to let her stretch her muscles and it seemed to appease her.

I still contemplated on letting her out again tonight just to keep my mind busy. It was easier when I shift to let Nikita take control, I can just float in the background and not have to think about what is taking Erik so long. The bitter taste of loneliness was a permanent taste in my mouth ever since I watched him out the window leaving. I hope he is alright, Nikita sighed softly. “Me too,” I murmured.

I robotically made my way to the marketplace, I needed to pick up a few things. I had been living off of mult wine and a few hunks of bread here and there. Slowly I pushed my way through the mass of people, I had it planned first stop bread cart, than to the cured meat, hunk of cheese and more mult wine.

After I gathered all the things I wanted I quickly made my way back to my small little room at the Inn. It didn’t take me too long to get back to the Inn, I didn’t even bother with pleasantries at this point the Inn keep woman knows better. I hurried up the stairs, doing the same routine I always, as soon as I get home I change into Erik’s shirt that I stole from him.

I pushed the door open and my heart sunk a little, part of me had hoped that maybe he had come back while I was out, but I was simply greeted by an empty room. Quickly I shut the door right behind me. I undressed and grabbed the shirt, it barely had his scent on it any more because I had worn it every night and some days since his departure. I sat in the middle of the bed and carefully dumped out the things in the satchel. I relaxed slightly as I ripped a chunk of bread paired it with the meat and cheese and bit down.

After my belly was full and I had drank the full bottle of malt wine my eyes started to close. I finally let myself succumb to sleep a few hours later. Curled up in a small ball still surrounded by the stuff I had bought at the market earlier.