I am so fucking livid right now. I am shaking with anger and seeing red. Monday was one of the worst days I've had from top to bottom. Today, I just learned that our company is bum rushing the new guy into handling all the order entry for the entire fucking company and he was struggling with basic mock orders I had generated for him. Apparently someone who is paid and valued more in life than I am made the decision to set him up for failure. And when he does fail, which he will since the stress has pretty much turned him into a blithering idiot, they will look to me.

On top of that, the customer I have helped since day one apparently thinks I'm too much of a fuck up to do business with us. They either want to do business with someone else at my company or another company entirely. I have been nothing but kind and helpful. Do I make mistakes? Who the fuck doesn't? Do I own them? Hell yes I do because I am a god damned adult and I know when to admit I'm wrong. I am beyond words right now. No matter what I do and what I touch lately, I just fucking fail. I'm sick of it. It's causing me to regress to a place I really don't want to go.

I shouldn't be this upset. Shit happens and people are not worth the blood given to create them. I just don't know what I cosmically did wrong to be treated like this -- to feel inadequate despite all the effort and labor I put into what I do. I stay late every day to catch up because we've been operating at half staff for sic mother fucking months. I feel caged, beaten, and neglected. I can't rant on facebook because potential employers check that shit. Fuck, they'll prolly find this too. If so, fuck you. Respect a person's privacy. I'm allowed to have fucking feelings and feel validated as a god damn living being.

I am so done. I am so emotionally and psychologically exhausted. How can the world be like this? What the fuck do I have to look forward to? Retirement? Being senile with barely enough money to afford raisin bran? God, I am just done.