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  1. #1
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 224,444, Level: 20
    Level completed: 0%, EXP required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%,
    EXP required for next Level: 0


    Breaker's Avatar

    GP
    38,725

    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    30
    Race
    Demigod
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone

    Workshop: A Twisted Tower

    Name of Completed Thread: A Twisted Tower
    Name of Author: Nevin
    Type of Thread: Quest
    Thread Length: 24 Posts
    Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP
    Date Closed: January 1st 2018

    Critique Guidelines:

    1.) Standard rules for etiquette apply. No spamming or off-topic posts, no personal attacks or trolling. Focus on critiquing the thread, not the writer. Use constructive criticism and try to speak in terms of "strengths" and "weaknesses". For example: "Your story was strong, but the action seemed a little weak. Try using more adverbs to describe actions or use a thesaurus to spice up your word choice."

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    4.) In order to receive EXP & GP for your feedback(see Workshop Guide), a critique must be helpful, elaborate, and considerate. It is suggested that the review be at least 3 paragraphs and focus on strengths, weaknesses, and overall content. You may use the Althanas Rubric as a guide.

    5.)Those that leave an exceptionally detailed review with plenty of constructive advice may be eligible for double rewards. This will be up to the posting judge's discretion. The authors of the thread may request the additional reward be given if they found a review to be particularly helpful. The request must still be approved.

  2. #2
    Senior Member

    EXP: 31,310, Level: 7
    Level completed: 54%, EXP required for next Level: 3,690
    Level completed: 54%,
    EXP required for next Level: 3,690


    jdd2035's Avatar

    GP
    659

    Name
    Captain Cain Jodin
    Location
    Corone

    View Profile
    Well hey there Nevin! You already know that you are a good writer I have told you this. By the way if you want criticism well I'm not your guy.

    What I like about Nevin is that he's less about combat, and more about adventure, and discovery. As proven by J.R.R Tolkien an adventure does not require warriors, they help but it really takes an inquisitive mind willing to say "what is that?" Nevin says that a lot, you're not afraid to have Nevin get lost, loose him in his train of thought, and put him into danger. This was established right from the first few paragraphs. Further, you are nothing but single minded in your character, hardly a post goes by where you don't mention something that is involved with alchemy. He ~is~ an alchemist, he is ~the~ alchemist yes, Nevin is a blood mage, but he is very good at alchemy. Ever see that episode of Star Trek Deep Space 9 where Garek after his shop blows up, his dad gets captured by the Jem Ha'dar, and he has nothing, and at the end of the Episode he says "Do you know what the sad part is, Odo? I'm a very good tailor" I get that kind of vibe from Nevin. He really wants to be a blood mage, but is put into a position where he has to pretend to be a alchemist, and so he's be came the very best alchemist he can be. If I am wrong than sorry but that is how I perceive your character in most of your threads.

  3. #3
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 224,444, Level: 20
    Level completed: 0%, EXP required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%,
    EXP required for next Level: 0


    Breaker's Avatar

    GP
    38,725

    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    30
    Race
    Demigod
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    This workshop is now closed. Thanks to JDD for his input. Rewards to be added shortly.
    "The breeze did not stir. The stars did not twinkle. The trees did not sway and the brook did not babble.
    For the world did not turn when Am'aleh wept, and a tear had tumbled down her cheek."


  4. #4
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 224,444, Level: 20
    Level completed: 0%, EXP required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%,
    EXP required for next Level: 0


    Breaker's Avatar

    GP
    38,725

    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    30
    Race
    Demigod
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    jdd2035 receives 480 EXP, 24 GP and 1 AP.

    All rewards added. Workshop archived.
    "The breeze did not stir. The stars did not twinkle. The trees did not sway and the brook did not babble.
    For the world did not turn when Am'aleh wept, and a tear had tumbled down her cheek."


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