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  1. #21
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 209,214, Level: 20
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    Breaker's Avatar

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    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
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    Corone
    “Righto, three shanks and bullion of oak.” Josh grinned. “You two take the horse, I only ride griffins, sea monsters, and dragons. I should be able to keep up - I outran a Fallieni strider once you know.”

    “Is a Falleini strider a name for a Fallieni horse?” Shinsou asked in confusion.

    “It is now!” Josh shouted. He lifted both arms and the confetti cannons either side of the walkways erupted. The crowd gathered together and quieted, expecting another epic musical number as the demigod struck a gallant pose.

    “Josh, we don’t have time for that!” Shinsou shouted as Breaker opened his mouth to sing. The Telgradian and the lightning mage had already climbed aboard the mountain of a horse. They kept their seats back in the full upright position and adjusted the a/c until it hit that perfect ambience of cool and warm. Shinsou leaned out the window and Storm leaned on the horn.

    Attila scuffed the ground with his hooves, confused by all the automobile references, and tossed his beautiful maned head.

    “Come along, Joshua,” Attila said in his horsiest voice, “we’ve got ads to venture!” With that the big animal took off galloping down the road.

    “Damn it,” Josh muttered. He’d really been looking forward to trying out the triple pirouette at the end of his softshoe number. Not that there was anything soft about his shoes.

    He took off running like a stone from a sling, charging through Attila’s wake until he caught up with the horse and jogged at its side.

    “Brilliant idea to get out for some fresh air,” Josh told Storm as they moved. The Lornian air was fresher and crisper than most because of the floating city’s altitude. This actually gave athletes from Lyridia an edge in competition, because due to their acclimatisation to the high altitude their bodies processed oxygen more efficiently when they went to lower altitude venues. Training in Lyridia (if that’s the floating city’s name, I’ve forgotten and I’m too lazy to check) offered a host of benefits to competitors. In his earlier years on Althanas, Josh would have taken advantage of this.

    Back then, you actually had to support your abilities with actual in character events. You couldn’t just be all “Oh by the way, my character has 10x strength too because lul why wouldn’t he?” Back then, it would have mattered to have a cool idea like training at altitude for increased endurance. Now, however, it didn’t matter at all, so Josh barely spared a thought for it.

    “Hey, running to Letho’s farm was a pretty great idea,” Josh said as they neared the edge of the floating city. “There’s only one problem…”

    Suddenly the road ran out, and the mighty horse and all three men plunged into the inky darkness of the Lornian sky.
    Shoot some diamonds and sparks
    from your torso

    -Wax Mannequin

  2. #22
    and this is Jackass!

    EXP: 91,257, Level: 13
    Level completed: 9%, EXP required for next Level: 12,743
    Level completed: 9%,
    EXP required for next Level: 12,743


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

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    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
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    Telgradian
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    I wrote this while wasted
    Now it is such a bizzarely improbably occurance that anything so mind-bogglingly random as there suddenly being no road, purely by chance, could happen that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

    The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist,'" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

    "But," says Man, "The road running out for no reason is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have happened by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

    "Oh, that was easy," says Man.

    Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet called Althanas whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think buff abilities are a pretty neat idea.

    Observing all of that at once, silmultaneously, was an absolutely destroyed Shinsou Vaan Osiris. The goal was the grounds for the Lornius Corporation Challenge, so that his questing party could lay traps and claim glory in the name of whatever. What he could see in front of him was Atilla and his friends being stretched like cosmic pizza dough through the cosmos, until their very beings were literally molecules wide.

    FUCK, GET ME OFF THIS RIDE.

    "Shinsou" the stretched, deformed Joshua Cronen said, "there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Cats they've worked out."
    Last edited by Shinsou Vaan Osiris; 12-22-2017 at 08:17 PM.

  3. #23
    Ride The Lightning

    EXP: 142,009, Level: 16
    Level completed: 42%, EXP required for next Level: 9,991
    Level completed: 42%,
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    Storm Veritas's Avatar

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    Storm Veritas
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    Human
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    Corone
    Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.
    I've come to talk with you again.
    Because a vision softly creeping,
    Left its seeds while I was sleeping.

    The leap from the abyss of the world should have been expected. Attila the mighty had charged ahead with Storm and Shin in tow, while Joshua raged forward in a sort of intoxicated slurry that belonged somewhere between a Radasanthian alleyway and a storybook. When the edge of the universe reached them, it sent the trio tumbling out towards the darkness, into the black void with myriad white dots of energy, hope, and confusion.

    "The stars... they are the alignment of our core energies. Capture the energy and we can rule the world." Storm's eyes were dilated and slightly reddened; he didn't fully understand what he was saying. One luxury of the darkness was the relief from tunnel vision; when the entire periphery was identical to the white dotted carpet of black, there was nothing lost in the channeled view of nothing.

    The white dots began to coalesce in front of the three, constellations swirling on themselves as the millions of dots formed lines, planes, and three dimensional shapes. They coiled and spun and twisted into what started as a tornado shaped apparition but continued to tighten and elongate.

    A hissing, cooing, echoing sound reverberated about them, like water down a drain. The convergence of stars curled up before them, a mighty cobra of white beckoning them to come and die.

    "Ride the snake!"

  4. #24
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 209,214, Level: 20
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    Breaker's Avatar

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    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    30
    Race
    Demigod
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    Male
    Location
    Corone
    “Ride the snake,” Storm mumbled unconsciously, writhing gently on his back. “Ride it forever and to the moon.” Breaker and Shinsou had already awoken after the fall to Lornius proper which should have massively overkilled them. Perhaps it was the Telgradian’s latent magic that had saved them. Perhaps it was Breaker’s patron, Am’aleh the Thayne of the sea, who had sheltered them with her hand. Perhaps it was the luck of the Jake, who is a different character of mine. No one could say for sure.

    Sadly, Attila had died. After waking up Storm wept bitter acidic tears of sorrow that supplanted the fresh soil and formed a calcified circle of rocks around the steed’s body. Not wanting to put any of the good horse to waste, the trio of heroes quickly built a fire and roasted the good horsemeat. Soon beautiful smells wafted from the fire, gorgeous tendrils of handsome odors that pleased the nostrils and tastebuds in many ways. Josh used a packet of salt he’d taken from the restaurant to spice the meat, and as the flames died down to banked coals, the feast began.

    “I can’t,” Storm said, turning his head away from the crispy haunch Breaker passed him. “Attila was my faithful steed, my strong companion… my horsey horse!”

    “Eat,” Josh said, his eyes swirling volcanic miasmas of whorly elucidating knowledge. “This way, Attila will be with you always. And it will give you the strength of a horse… but only if you are fighting another horse.”

    “Breaker, you are bloody crazy.” Shinsou mumbled from where he was munching happily on a shank steak. “This may be some grade A top choice horsemeat, but it doesn’t bestow any special powers.”

    “That is where you are wrong,” Breaker smiled. “The horse meat will not bestow YOU any special powers… but Storm had a bond of love forged with the creature. Some of its life essence will pass on to him in consumption.

    “How do you know all this?” Storm asked, still hesitant to take a bite.

    “I read the wiki,” Josh shrugged.
    Last edited by Breaker; 12-28-2017 at 04:49 PM.
    Shoot some diamonds and sparks
    from your torso

    -Wax Mannequin

  5. #25
    and this is Jackass!

    EXP: 91,257, Level: 13
    Level completed: 9%, EXP required for next Level: 12,743
    Level completed: 9%,
    EXP required for next Level: 12,743


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    780
    AP
    0
    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Age
    31
    Race
    Telgradian
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    Salvar

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    The wiki is a wonderful thing. When Shinsou checked it, he realised that Josh had missed out a very important part, which was the section that denoted exactly what happens in the event of an NPC death in liquid time.

    They re-appear, of course, completely unharmed.

    Therefore, against all probability a horse had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of a planet known as Althanas.

    And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a horse, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a horse before it then had to come to terms with not being a horse any more.

    This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.

    Ah … ! What’s happening? it thought.

    Er, excuse me, who am I?

    Hello?

    Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?

    What do I mean by who am I?

    Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.

    Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail – yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?

    No.

    Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …

    Or is it the wind?

    There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?

    And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!

    I wonder if it will be friends with me?

    And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.

  6. #26
    and this is Jackass!

    EXP: 91,257, Level: 13
    Level completed: 9%, EXP required for next Level: 12,743
    Level completed: 9%,
    EXP required for next Level: 12,743


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    780
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    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
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    Telgradian
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    It was then that everything suddenly got a bit serious. With lightning quick turns and twists, the electric snake snapped to and fro before delivering the triumvate to their destination.

    The grounds of the Lornius Corporation Challenge.

    Slepnir, Shinsou's mighty horse, had kindly volunteered to take over proceedings after Atilla's untimely death and found itself cantering into a place seperated into seven segregated areas. They all looked wildly different - each appeared to have some sort of time constraint on their existence, too - but they each bore one thing in common; none of them had any traps.

    "Jackpot, boys" Shinsou said, removing a Salvic Snowleapord cat from his right shoulder. "We made it."

    "It's fucking horrible." Storm's eyes were now just pissholes in the snow; he didn't fully grasp that he was hanging upside down from Slepnir's saddle.

  7. #27
    Ride The Lightning

    EXP: 142,009, Level: 16
    Level completed: 42%, EXP required for next Level: 9,991
    Level completed: 42%,
    EXP required for next Level: 9,991


    Storm Veritas's Avatar

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    Storm Veritas
    Age
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    Human
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    Male
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    Corone
    The trio found themselves at the large stony forum outside the Lornius Corporate Challenge. Shinsou, still grinning ear to ear as he shoveled handfuls of teriyaki'd venison they had stolen from street vendors, now called Attila "Slepnir" as he ogled at the horse's great jaw. Joshua, who greedily scanned the entire arena for action, bounced from toe to toe with anticipation, albeit a brutal lack of coordination.

    Tapping the bottom of his pipe, the wizard realized his smoke was now reduced to mere ashes. It was a sad realization; the magic gumbo was gone.

    How the hell did we get rid of that snake?!

    Dots were not connecting for him, as bits of his conscious self began to flitter into the front brain. The buzz was wearing off him slightly, although colors still ran into each other and the clock above the LCC was slowly spinning backwards as it declared a time of 35:95. Presuming that this was simply a method the wealthy used to showcase mastery over the fourth dimension, Storm popped off the horse and floated over to the front counter.

    "Help you, sir?" a bright eyed young lady stood before him, in a snug, handsome-fitted navy suit with gold trim. Her gaze became a bit leery as she no doubt smelled the rank of whateverthehell the three imbeciles had been up to.

    "Yes, dear, and fine to meet you. As a former Champion of the Lornius Corporate Challenge, I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of representing us on a tour of the grounds? My friends and I have been itching to see the platform for the next competition; I'd love to come back and take another crack at a second crown!"

    Nope. That is not what came out. The disconnect between intent and delivered speech was glaring, and Storm's inquiry was far less cogent:

    "Run to grounds and show me, lady! I won the fahgin' thing so drag me through for show and teach the tricks of LCC and you don't understand I won the fahgin' thing. Sorry, lovely. Tour."

    Eyebrows above the delicate sapphires the employee darted northward with confusion and perhaps a blend of fear. Storm's shirt had found a way to open itself to the ribs, exposing him as somewhere between a lust-fueled hedonist and penniless transient. A few larger men began shuffling towards Shinsou, Joshua, and Storm Veritas as security sensed a need for its services.

  8. #28
    upon the cheek of night

    EXP: 209,214, Level: 20
    Level completed: 0%, EXP required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%,
    EXP required for next Level: 0


    Breaker's Avatar

    GP
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    0
    Name
    Joshua Breaker Cronen
    Age
    30
    Race
    Demigod
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    "Steady there, you large lads," Breaker said. "You know who we are right?"

    The security guards paused for a second, glancing at one another in indecision. Quite aside from their broad array of hidden powers, Shinsou, Josh, and Storm were all large men who looked like they could handle themselves if they weren't tripping harder than an orc in a halfling hole.

    "Alright then," the lead guard said, "who are yehs?"

    "Well," Josh said grandly, ignoring the way the guard's eyes flashed neon psychedelic colors, "here we have Storm Veritas, co-leader of the Brotherhood of Castigars and also a previous winner of the LCC. Known for taking down entire platoons of armed men and wielding lightning like a Dheathic demigod. Next to him is Shinsou Vaan Osiris, arbiter of the Brotherhood and one of the finest swordsmen in the known world. He knows lots of funny spells too, so don't get gawky. And me... well, I suspect I need no introduction."

    The guard screwed up his eyes. "Are you... Jensen Ambrose?"

    "WHAT?" Josh screamed. "How could you... come on I... with the Y-shaped scars and metal boots... fucking JOSHUA fucking CRONEN. The Breaker. I suplexed the crap out of Ambrose when we met in the Cell."

    "Oh right," the guard shifted his feet nervously. "Sorry." An awkward moment followed. The guards didn't want to attempt to take down three such notorious heroes, even in their obviously altered state. But they needed them to leave. The trio of Castigars did not want to harm the guards, but they needed to stay. Those traps were not going to plant themselves, and no one had yet noticed that the LCC likely wasn't going to happen for at least another year. They really should have been booby-trapping the fields of Gisela.

    "Look," the lead guard said at last, "we don't want to fight you... so why don't we decide this with a game of Tragic: The Blathering?" He pulled a deck of round cards out of his pocket. "I assume you're all packing."

    "Haidia yes we are!" Josh exclaimed. He and his companions all pulled out their own decks and sat down cross legged in a semi circle facing the guards, who did likewise. "This is going to be so much fun!" Josh said.

    "Anyone got any smoke?" Storm asked mournfully over his empty pipe.
    Shoot some diamonds and sparks
    from your torso

    -Wax Mannequin

  9. #29
    and this is Jackass!

    EXP: 91,257, Level: 13
    Level completed: 9%, EXP required for next Level: 12,743
    Level completed: 9%,
    EXP required for next Level: 12,743


    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

    GP
    780
    AP
    0
    Name
    Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Age
    31
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    Telgradian
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    Salvar

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    Despite carrying an intricately decorated deck of cards for Tragic: The Blathering on his person for many years, Shinsou really hadn't ever bothered to learn the game. It could have been the sheer complexity of the rules, or perhaps the fact that being so involved in the day to day running of a paramilitary organisation left him little time for pleasantaries such as this, but the Telgradian simply hadn't had time.

    Of course, this was the one fucking occasion he had literally needed to know the game. As cards were handed out, placed face down and turned sideways in a flurry of expertly timed hand movements and accompanied by lots of "oos" and "ahhhs", Osiris desperately attempted to recall the rules before his turn, which was fast approaching.

    A player's deck. Right. These cards are kept face down and... should they be randomly ordered? Something about "must contain at least 60 cards in Constructed play", or at least 40 cards in Limited play. What the fuck does that even mean? Is there a maximum deck size? I'm pretty sure there may only be four of any nonbasic land card.

    Shit.

    It was his turn.
    Last edited by Shinsou Vaan Osiris; 01-07-2018 at 04:28 PM.

  10. #30
    Ride The Lightning

    EXP: 142,009, Level: 16
    Level completed: 42%, EXP required for next Level: 9,991
    Level completed: 42%,
    EXP required for next Level: 9,991


    Storm Veritas's Avatar

    GP
    20,945
    AP
    0
    Name
    Storm Veritas
    Age
    39
    Race
    Human
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Corone
    Storm was confused for a minute, saddened by the lack of intoxicants and disenfranchised by the lack of engagement his ideas were getting. Then, as he processed the offering the Breaker had produced, a smile spread from ear to ear as he abandoned his other ideas.

    "Stats!" he began, blurting out to all that would listen. "I remember these, don't you?! When a game gets beat into your head enough, stats are all that matter!"

    Visions of old conversations from his entitled childhood popped to the front brain. There was a time where he carved delightful tales about wearing his Vespine Cloak of Engorgement +6 against hordes of oncoming Higher Werewolves, but he learned over time that in this game, your storytelling was a waste of time.

    "Don't you get it? It's the best game of all time! You can bullshit your way through any half-assed story, because all anyone gives half a hairy f*ck about is the STATS!"

    The guards sat down immediately. They were morons, of course, but loved the opportunity to be special for an hour. For all of the wasted intruders' meanderings, everyone loved the opportunity to play the hero, be it deserved or not. The cards were dealt out and one of the musclebound idiots began bouncing in his seat. Joshua walked them through the rules briefly before the big fool got to act first.

    "I, uh, I am playing a +8 Shield of Prolific Invicibility! A boost to all stats by so much that I can't lose, no matter what! My character wields the shield, kicks Storm in the face with a Boot of +11 Strength and Doom, and then has sex with every suitable mate on Althanas! Checkmate for Borg!!"

    Gleeful, the simpleton rose again, dropping errant cards as he danced about with abandon. He had been able to manipulate the scoring to make himself unstoppable, in spite of his own incompetence.

    "Well, this game f*cking sucks now. Let's go get high."

    And with that, Storm turned into a cloud of dust.

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