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Thread: Workshop: By the time they figure out what went wrong we'll be sitting on a beach...

  1. #1
    Super Moderator

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    Philomel's Avatar

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    Workshop: By the time they figure out what went wrong we'll be sitting on a beach...

    Name of Completed Thread: By the time they figure out what went wrong we'll be sitting on a beach...
    Mature - language content
    Name of Authors: Storm Veritas, Breaker, Shinsou Vaan Osiris
    Type of Thread: Quest
    Thread Length: 31 Posts
    Feedback Rewards: (Post Length of Thread/10) * ((EXP Needed to Level)*0.05) EXP
    Date Closed: 10th February 2018

    Critique Guidelines:

    1.) Standard rules for etiquette apply. No spamming or off-topic posts, no personal attacks or trolling. Focus on critiquing the thread, not the writer. Use constructive criticism and try to speak in terms of "strengths" and "weaknesses". For example: "Your story was strong, but the action seemed a little weak. Try using more adverbs to describe actions or use a thesaurus to spice up your word choice."

    2.) Likewise, those who have asked for a workshop should take criticism gracefully. Use it to better yourself. These are not intended to offend or belittle, only show you opportunities to grow.

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    4.) In order to receive EXP & GP for your feedback(see Workshop Guide), a critique must be helpful, elaborate, and considerate. It is suggested that the review be at least 3 paragraphs and focus on strengths, weaknesses, and overall content. You may use the Althanas Rubric as a guide.

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    Last edited by Philomel; 01-10-2018 at 11:59 AM.
    Matriarch of the Gilded Lily and of its brothels, associated establishments and the army.

    --
    Characters:
    The family triplet: Philomel, Vaeron and Celandine.
    The god and kenku triplet: Stare, Avin and Vixen.

  2. #2
    Carpe diem, baby.

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    Shinsou Vaan Osiris's Avatar

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    Waiving my right to feedback rewards, because I was in it.

    Story: 29/30

    From start to finish this was an empowering experience. Cats featured heavily in this thread, which was an immediate hit. Storm's death hit my stomach hard, though, and this served to build up tension until the finely crafted crescendo of him falling on the floor and then appearing like a god over the skies of Lornius howling like a banshee left me dumbstruck from the utter genius of it all. Quests were had, intergalactic snakes were ridden and Atilla the horsey horse died and respawned in a majestic way that only Douglas Adams could have captured.

    I deducted a point only because the characters failed to make a Hans Gruber reference at any point during the thread.

    I felt the pacing was a little off, but didn't deduct any points because we had so much fun writing the thread that I felt we deserved a 29.

    Character: 29/30

    Form is temporary; class is permanent. Right? Well, here that couldn't be truer. We were all fucking amazing, and we had so much fun writing the thread that anything less than a 29 would be a criminal offence.

    Prose: JC/30

    We wrote like magicians. And, you guessed it, we had fun doing it too.

    Wildcard:

    It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.

    Final score: JC/100
    The ultimate in vanity, exploiting their supremacy - I can’t believe the things you say, I can’t believe - I can’t believe the price you pay.

    Nothing can save you.

    Justice is lost, Justice is raped, Justice is gone. Pulling your strings, Justice is done. Seeking no truth, winning is all, find it so grim, so true, so real.

    ...and justice for all.

  3. #3
    Thayneslayer

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    Breaker's Avatar

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    Workshop closed.
    I got a band-aid for your prose
    Witness the fitness
    Fever taking hold
    You're gonna fall like a domino!

    - Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker

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