Mathias
12-17-07, 07:20 PM
This is a battle that the likes of Althanas has never seen. This will break the Fourth Wall in so many ways, and as a note, the picking on of other members of Althanas is intended to be light-hearted and comical. There will also be some pretty graphic language and description. The rules are simple: We cannot use real Yo Momma jokes; we must make up our own and relate them to Althanas. This is closed to Lucien. All bunnying and direction of the thread has been pre-approved.
They had a million names for it. He'd played it once or twice, back in Scara Brae, with the rest of the crew. Back before he'd wound up as a slave... a specimen in the twisted, fucked-up experiments of an equally fucked-up wizard, whose sole goal was the maniacal progression of magic as far as he could take it, mastering the complete and total will of the broken Eternal Tap. Somehow, Mathias felt a bit of cheerfulness in the fact that the Master probably couldn't even begin to understand the beauty of this game.
Although, the sorceror would probably derive an extreme amount of sick pleasure from the stakes of this one. The dirty dozens, snaps, and the most direct of all - "Yo Momma," was a game as plain and simple as it's name. The goal was simple; humiliate your opponent as much as possible by coming up with as many derogative slurs towards his mother. It was also much harsher, as well as hilarious, if the adversary's mother was deceased, incapacitated, or had a disability in any sort of capacity. It made it much more dangerous, but provocative and controversial to plum the depths of taboo insults.
Back in Scara Brae, it was done for fun. Or, if you'd met another gang on the streets, to gain some respect without having to use your fists. But here, in the Citadel, under the twisted, macabare machinations of the perverted, sadist monks of Ai'Bron, it was an entirely different game.
Mathias had entered a door, into a room of white light with no dimensions. He didn't remember the several minutes that followed. But when he'd returned to consciousness, he was sitting, strapped to a chair in the middle of a room. He sat opposite to another chair, which was vacant, but was also of the same design as his own. The chamber was a stage, and out in the audience were congregations of people watching with sheep-like eyes, staring upwards. They were roaring and cheering and clapping.
The vandal's eyes drifted to his right, away from the crowd. There was a giant sign that said in big, bold bubble letters, "Yo' Momma!"
From out of a door at the side of the stage, a man in a blue suit with white polka dots and a pink tie emerged. Confetti began to drop and trumpets blared, and everyone began to scream with delight. He had slicked back black hair and a big, white gameshow host smile. His voice, unbelievably loud and amplified, spoke to the crowd with a deep, throaty tone. "Welcome, welcome, welcome, to another hilarious episode of Yo Momma! Today we bring you the Althanian Edition, featuring our two contestants, Mathias Planeswalker aaaaand Lucien Aeonis!"
As he said that, a person appeared in the chair opposite of Mathias and was strapped in by the seemingly sentient bindings. He didn't have much time to look over the man before a pillar shot up from between them. It was about waist high, and from it, on both sides, was a gray steel spike protruding from it, aimed straight at each person's heart.
"I'm your host, Busta Cap, and this. Is. YO MOMMA!"
The audience cheered as he gesticulated wildly, continuing his speech. "The rules are simple. Exchange an insult each round. After both combatants have laid down a 'snap,' the judges will decide which one was better. The spikes in this pillar will move towards the loser. After four losses, their stupid ass will be impaled, and the victor will raise up and claim his prize. Aaand over to Chinky ChiChi to tell us just what those are."
A short, slim woman with slanted eyes and dyed blonde hair smiled out at the crowd, appearing out of nowhere at left stage. The curtain behind her lifted up to show a white board where an image swirled into place. "Thank you, Busta. The winner will receive three lovely prizes. The first is that sweet, sweet experience that seems to be a hot commodity on Althanas. The second, is that sweet, sweet gold that makes the world go 'round. And the third and final prize is the best of them all; the satisfaction of not having a spike impaling your stupid ass!"
Everybody laughed and yelled and wooped.
Oh, man. This shit is going to be ridiculous, Math thought.
They had a million names for it. He'd played it once or twice, back in Scara Brae, with the rest of the crew. Back before he'd wound up as a slave... a specimen in the twisted, fucked-up experiments of an equally fucked-up wizard, whose sole goal was the maniacal progression of magic as far as he could take it, mastering the complete and total will of the broken Eternal Tap. Somehow, Mathias felt a bit of cheerfulness in the fact that the Master probably couldn't even begin to understand the beauty of this game.
Although, the sorceror would probably derive an extreme amount of sick pleasure from the stakes of this one. The dirty dozens, snaps, and the most direct of all - "Yo Momma," was a game as plain and simple as it's name. The goal was simple; humiliate your opponent as much as possible by coming up with as many derogative slurs towards his mother. It was also much harsher, as well as hilarious, if the adversary's mother was deceased, incapacitated, or had a disability in any sort of capacity. It made it much more dangerous, but provocative and controversial to plum the depths of taboo insults.
Back in Scara Brae, it was done for fun. Or, if you'd met another gang on the streets, to gain some respect without having to use your fists. But here, in the Citadel, under the twisted, macabare machinations of the perverted, sadist monks of Ai'Bron, it was an entirely different game.
Mathias had entered a door, into a room of white light with no dimensions. He didn't remember the several minutes that followed. But when he'd returned to consciousness, he was sitting, strapped to a chair in the middle of a room. He sat opposite to another chair, which was vacant, but was also of the same design as his own. The chamber was a stage, and out in the audience were congregations of people watching with sheep-like eyes, staring upwards. They were roaring and cheering and clapping.
The vandal's eyes drifted to his right, away from the crowd. There was a giant sign that said in big, bold bubble letters, "Yo' Momma!"
From out of a door at the side of the stage, a man in a blue suit with white polka dots and a pink tie emerged. Confetti began to drop and trumpets blared, and everyone began to scream with delight. He had slicked back black hair and a big, white gameshow host smile. His voice, unbelievably loud and amplified, spoke to the crowd with a deep, throaty tone. "Welcome, welcome, welcome, to another hilarious episode of Yo Momma! Today we bring you the Althanian Edition, featuring our two contestants, Mathias Planeswalker aaaaand Lucien Aeonis!"
As he said that, a person appeared in the chair opposite of Mathias and was strapped in by the seemingly sentient bindings. He didn't have much time to look over the man before a pillar shot up from between them. It was about waist high, and from it, on both sides, was a gray steel spike protruding from it, aimed straight at each person's heart.
"I'm your host, Busta Cap, and this. Is. YO MOMMA!"
The audience cheered as he gesticulated wildly, continuing his speech. "The rules are simple. Exchange an insult each round. After both combatants have laid down a 'snap,' the judges will decide which one was better. The spikes in this pillar will move towards the loser. After four losses, their stupid ass will be impaled, and the victor will raise up and claim his prize. Aaand over to Chinky ChiChi to tell us just what those are."
A short, slim woman with slanted eyes and dyed blonde hair smiled out at the crowd, appearing out of nowhere at left stage. The curtain behind her lifted up to show a white board where an image swirled into place. "Thank you, Busta. The winner will receive three lovely prizes. The first is that sweet, sweet experience that seems to be a hot commodity on Althanas. The second, is that sweet, sweet gold that makes the world go 'round. And the third and final prize is the best of them all; the satisfaction of not having a spike impaling your stupid ass!"
Everybody laughed and yelled and wooped.
Oh, man. This shit is going to be ridiculous, Math thought.