Do Not Touch!

[Doomsday]

(Closed to Nekoprincess)

Alerar was a scary place. It had machines much like the Tower City of the Felin but where the technology of the felin was clean and shiny the drow's was dirty, unholy and spew smoke like like a sick dragon. Still it was more advanced than the felin's technology and Jineh had some awe for the flying ships that ruled the brown/gray skies of the dark elf empire.

Still it was nice to get out of smoggy air and quiet hoards of the drow city to a small tavern where the noise of machinery wasn't so prevalent even though it was impossible to escape the drone of machines but one air conditioner was better than the factories and it was nice to see the drow get animated with the power of alcohol.

The place that Jineh found refuge was known as Gregoth NarNar or the Drunken Fairy in common. Most the drow were slight men covered in soot from the factories and then there was a couple of low ranking soldier and none of the scary warriors that hid their faces in cowls while keeping their sharp blades in plain view.

To think the refuge for tough men at the bottom of the food chain was her place of refuge but there was law here and most seemed happy to ignore the cat girl and her mechanical friend. Machines like Arachne didn't turn many eyes to those that were numbed to the presence of machines and the drow had greater more powerful Automatons.

"Jineh, I think you should order a drink, the Matron's getting impatient."

Arachne's talking drew a few looks and most scoffed saying something like spoiled cat girl in their native tongue though a couple said it in common to make the girl blush.

"Ok, Umm..." Jineh spoke to the drow woman that owned the joint. "Something sweet please. I don't know what you serve. So something nice please." Jineh said putting her finger to her mouth in thought of what would a nice drink be.

The nice thing about this bar was that it was run by a woman and while it attracted the men it kept them on their best behavior in regards to women and also the drow tended to be more subtle.

"Alright Kitten." The Matron said taking a few Coins from Jineh and delivered the sweet drink.

"Thanks!" Jineh smiled as she took a sip and smiled and blushed it was a strong drink that tasted of raspberries and blackberries that reminded her of a cool fall day laying in the forest leaves near her home. Jineh hoped that the drow could help her develop the art of creation since she left both home and the welcome forests of Corone for this dirty land.

[Nekoprincess]

(Takes place directly after the Strange Answers quest.)

“Mommy!” Mylie’s soft voice sounded annoyed as the two arrived in the smoking busy city. “Why are we here? Didn’t Jame’s say we should seek out safe refuge?”

Rainee let out a heavy sigh as her silver eyes traveled over the belching smoke of a nearby factory, the Drow city was the safest place they could get, very far away from the Raiaeran borders. There was no way in hell that Kedx’s ghost would find her here. Her body still showed the scars of his claws where his hands had gripped around her throat. She could still feel a dull pain, where her aches hadn’t quite healed yet. Pursing her lips she answers her daughter softly “We’re here to relax honey. Don’t worry I’m following Jame’s advice. We’ll be safe here!”

Mylie’s bright green eyes were fixated on a little mechanical dog, its eyes were a soft pink hue and there was actual real soft brown fur on its body. It also made a soft “Arf Arf” noise like a real dog would. Her earlier question to her mother was forgotten as she spoke over her mother’s last few words “Mommy! Mommy I want this! Please? Can I have it!”

As she checked the price of the toy, she sighed and looked into dark blue eyes. Before she could answer her daughter’s question a deep voice spoke.

“If you want that toy ma’am…I can give you a discount…it doesn’t seem to interest many of my customers here…you can have it for 200 gold pieces. Normally its 500...but that little girl has such cute eyes and you look careworn…that I’m feeling generous.” The old Drow woman then smiled, showing perfect white teeth as she moved to get a piece of white cloth to wrap the little dog in.

Rainee’s eyes widened, and then narrowed; she gave the Old Drow merchant a once over making sure her offer was for real. Seeing no signs of deceiving, she moved to get out the two hundred gold, a smile on her face as she murmurs “Thank you miss.”

“My pleasure.’ Came the same soft deep reply as the kind merchant handed Mylie her new mechanical toy. She then disappeared back behind a white star studded cloth after the kitty mother had paid her.

Seeing Mylie’s smiling face brought joy to Rainee’s heart as she said softly “Lets go get a bite to eat.”

“Ok mommy.” Came Mylie’s distracted reply as the sound of bark! Bark! came from her new little friend.

Soon, the mother and daughter reached a quaint little bar, the strong smell of Sandalwood incense issued from the curtained door. However, Rainee and Mylie entered and made their way to the bar not paying any mind to the other patrons. Once they were seated Rainee ordered soup for her daughter and herself as she smiled and looked around murmuring “I’m safe for now…I’m as far from Raiaera as I’m going to get, and Kedx is gone, there’s nothing I have to worry about now except…..trying to come up with a plan on how to find those damn bandits again…”

[Doomsday]

Arachne waited for a moment while Jineh drank her drink but he had to say something. "Miss Jineh... I know we came all this way but you must remember what that healer said back in Corone. We need a plan, I know that she or the warrior aren't here but we need to plan how we can use this. These drow are tough people and probably wouldn't like a curious kitty poking her nose around."

"Alright Arachne, I'll figure something out, but this place is such a treasure trove! I mean there's neat things all over. I can learn a lot just by looking around." Jineh smiled though there was a bit of a blush as she remembered that night where she interrupted a duel with crying and begging and almost got herself and her healer friend killed.

The automaton would have sighed at the thought of his master not listening. "Creator, we have to use caution. The drow here will not be as merciful as that bounty hunter."

Jineh didn't hear as her tail started to wag. "Oh, that's awesome! I can't believe someone could have fur on a machine and not have it jam." Jineh scampered towards a pair of neko cousins and their toy, a simple automaton made like a dog. "The workman must have spent hours on it. Oh would it be ok if I could take it apart and see what makes it tick?"

Arachne rushed to Jineh and got in between her and the other cat girls. "Master! Please desist at once!"

Jineh's excitement faded a little and her tail tucked under her leg guiltily. "Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I was just really fascinated, be kinda nice to make Arachne softer."

"You will do no such thing to me."

"Oh, sorry." Jineh said to her mechanical companion and then turned to the nekos. "I'm Jineh. I'm sorry didn't mean to scare you. I just get a little excited sometimes."

[Nekoprincess]

As two bowls of steaming hot corn chowder were placed in front of Rainee and Mylie, the older of the two was still sighing. She still hadn’t quite gotten over the fact that Corin had been Kedx. She was still angry about it yes, but it still stung because it showed that her decision making wasn’t quite up to par. How was she supposed to protect her little girl? She had been lucky when she and Jame’s had been sucked into the hell dimension, Mylie had been safe and unaware of how long they’d been gone. But; what if Mylie had been there? Would the mother have been strong enough to defend her own daughter.

Pursing her lips as the young mother moved to grab the spoon that was laying inside the bowl of fresh soup, her mind gave her the answer she didn’t want No…you probably would have failed…and shied away from your duty to protect her… this just showed to Rain that she needed to get stronger…needed to get back on track with her life. Her mind once more begin to wander onto Jame’s, maybe…she could ask him to train her? To show her how to better use her sword and weapons? Shaking her head she whispered under her breathe “No…he said he was busy with other things. Maybe I’ll look him up later, but not now…” Now she had to let Jame’s be, let him do his own thing. He was a warrior after all, and most warriors had some war to fight or something to protect. For now, her treasure was her daughter, and she must….

“Mom! Come on! Quit looking so spaced out! You said we came here to be safe and to have fun! It doesn’t look like your having fun mom!” Mylie said as she turned away from her own bowl of soup. She then turned on her little toy and said as the dog barked at Rain “Look at little Pixie here! He’s telling you to have fun and to quit sulking! Come on, whats bothering you so much! Cheer up mommy!”

Rainee let out a small laugh and turned to grab Pixie from her daughter and proceeded to have the little dog tickle her little girl’s nose with its own. While Mylie giggled at Pixie’s antics, there was the sound of an eager young voice asking if she could take Pixie apart.

The mother sighed as she was about to firmly send what she thought was a young Drow girl away, however it was a cat-girl. Letting out an even heavier sigh, Rainee firmly shook her head and said “Sorry hun, that’s my little girl’s toy. She’d cry a river if I let you dismantle it to take it apart. However your welcome to join us! We’re having soup and..” Hearing the girl introduce herself and apologize, Rainee let a smile warm her face as she said gently “It isn’t a problem Jineh, I’m Rainee and this is my little girl Mylie. What brings you here? We’re just here sight seeing.”

[Doomsday]

Jineh smiled sheepishly since the way she acted was quite out of line as she heard the cat woman invite her to sit down when she would be in the right to bop the overexcited cat girl on the head for such an action. It didn't help that several drow eyes were on her, dripping disgust. "Oh thanks, I'm really sorry again. I really liked the design." Doomsday smiled at the younger cat girl in apology and hoping the little one would forgive her like her mother.

"I guess I'm here the same as you, see the sights." The kitten said as she adjusted her loose robe. "I'm actually a maker." She paused feeling that the word might not mean so much to the other woman. "An engineer of sorts. I'm trying to figure out how this country makes such great machines to improve my craft. I guess I'm trying to learn from the masters outside my homeland. Corone had nothing close even to my home so I came here."

Talking made Jineh feel a bit more easy as she forgot about the drow that in turn forgot about her now that she toned down the being obnoxious part of her words. "I guess I came a long way. I'm not terribly sure on what to do or how to do it. These people don't really care to deal with me and I'm running a little low on money."

"Mistress, you are saying too much. We can't tell them everything." Arachne said as he went to the edge of the table and folded his legs.

"Oh, they're ok. I know it!" Jineh said with a smile and swished her tail a bit to and fro while seeing a paper reading 'Help Wanted: Assistants for Important Research!' Jineh smiled widely as she yelped with excitement and ran towards the poster as if there was competition for it and once she took it down and padded with a content jog back to the table.

She smiled as she read it out loud hoping that Rainee would be interested. "Needed willing assistants to help with research. No skill necessary, just a willingness to listen and a cute smile!"

Jineh had a grin on her face. "I think this would be perfect, don't you?" She asked with her tail wagging.

"Master, be careful. We don't know the man and it could be a trap."

"Well if I'm not alone then we'd have a better chance of defeating the trap but I think it's fair and I don't want to pass it up. It says that we need to meet Dr. Wrarin." Jineh smiled to the young mother. "Would you mind coming with me, I'm sure it's okay but I don't want to go alone."

[Nekoprincess]

Mylie’s green eyes roamed over the slightly older cat-girl’s figure. Her tail was wagging a bit in excitement at the thought of another companion, she remember Kit’s Inari and how they had lots of fun together when their mother’s had run into each other in an antique’s shop. Letting a smile grace her young face her soft childish voice rings out saying softly “Your forgiven Jineh-san. I like meeting new people! Even if they are noisy, but your noisy voice makes you sound cute Jineh!” Mylie then went back to her soup, her white tail twitching a bit as slurping sounds could be heard.

Rainee meanwhile sighs and looks at Jineh murmuring softly “I see, well there is a lot to see here. The machines are fascinating, with their smoke belching out of those chimneys. They look like mouths don’t they? When they burp out that thick gray smoke?” Rainee then turns to look at her daughter and says strictly” We’re polite to strangers Mylie dear, I know you were just trying to be friendly, but there’s such a thing as being too overly excited.”

Mylie pouts as she finishes up her steaming bowl of soup, pushing the now gone corn chowder away, she eyes her mother and says grumpily “I understand mom! But geez you could learn to lighten up a little bit! You don’t have to scold me every time I’m friendly to someone!”

Rainee sighs as she shakes her head, she knows her daughter has a point, she just doesn’t want to admit it. However, talking with Jineh was starting to put her mind at ease. Right now she wasn’t worried about if Kedx was going to come after her, or on what she and Mylie were going to do. For now she’d just be content to see what this Drow nation had to offer.

Her wait wasn’t long in coming, soon Jineh was excitedly telling her about a job offer, some scientist needed assistants and they just had to be cute and willing to smile. A smile came to Rainee’s face as the sounds of the Drow bar faded away, looking at Jineh Rainee responds “Sure, that sounds fine. I just hope this Dr. Wrarin doesn’t mind children coming along.” She then went and finished up her soup before she packed up Pixie in her bag, in a soft voice she murmurs” Come on Mylie, it seems we have something interesting to help out with!”

Mylie nods as she smiles and murmurs “Alright then mom! Lets go!”

[Doomsday]

Jineh's smile widened as far as is it could possibly go as her tail wagged more like a puppy's than a cat's. "Thank you!" The kitty girl said as she hugged both the other neko-kin. This was perfect as far as the priestess could care. She'd learn some secrets to Drow craftsmanship and make some spending money on the side and even maybe get to use some of the doctor's lab and tools. Jineh had to use the last of her self control to keep from drooling, which thankfully was not futile.

And the best part was that her new friends were going to go with her and not even the annoyed grunts from the other tavern patrons that were more than annoyed with the little cat girl at disturbing their peace but she would soon be gone with the other female furries in tow into the streets of the Ettermire.

"Let's see." Jineh looked at the poster that she took to find the address. "1357 Feron street..." Jin said with a thoughtful look to her companions but it was unlikely that they would know. Her tail perked a bit as she saw one drow guard looking rather stern. These men scared Jineh since they looked like they could and would skewer her for an odd look but they probably knew where the place was. "Hey, do you know where Feron street is?" Jineh asked and the man pointed but said no word and Jineh went that way with a quick "thank you" as she went on her way with Rainee and Mylie.

Once she was heading the right way Jineh felt a little easier and the road seemed like it might be a long walk so she decided to try and talk about the sounds of machines and vehicles. "So Rainee, what do you do? Or like to do? I hope you don't mind. I'm just curious since I kinda blurted out my life to you." Jineh giggled as she kept walking, excited and anxious to see this place and learn more of her new friend. The woman was so interesting, she must be a dancer or a bard or even an adventurer. Today was being such a great day and Arachne even stopped the nagging on her behavior.

[Nekoprincess]

Rainee was taken a back a bit by the abrupt hug, she let out a small meow of surprise as Jineh’s small arms wrapped around her in a surprisingly strong hug. The cat mother had not been expecting the small sign of affection so she nearly dropped the bag that contained her daughter’s toys and supplies. Blinking a bit as Jineh released her to hug her daughter, Rain couldn’t help but think She is full of spunk…it seems as if I’m going to have two children with me right now. I guess I’ll have to look out for Jineh as well as for my little girl…

Slinging her little girl’s bag over her shoulder, Rain watched as her daughter responded to the other cat-girl’s hug in a much more enthusiasm manner then her mother had.

“Whee!” Came Mylie’s happy response as she hugged Jineh back. “I think this is going to be fun! We can explore this Doctor’s lab and maybe even find more trinkets like Pixie!” The little girl said her bright green eyes wide with excitement and curiosity.

A groan could be heard as Rainee got up from the soft leather stool, looking embarrassed as pairs of dark blue eyes were on the trio of cat people, Rainee shook a finger at her daughter murmuring” You my dear girl are going to play with Pixie! Jineh and I;” She looks pointedly at the other cat-girl as she murmurs to her precious angel “are going to be helping the Doctor.” Holding up two fingers the cat mother continues “I don’t want you peeking your little paws into anything Mylie! You don’t’ know what type of trouble you could get yourself into!” Rainee’s eyes then closed after she had uttered these words.

The blue haired kitty had just remembered when her young daughter had caused such trouble, when she and Kit’s daughter Inari had found a pair of magic fans. The tornados the two young anthros had created had cause a ruckus and had gotten the two of them and their mothers kicked out of the shop. Sighing as she remembered she still had the fan from that very shop she murmurs “No trouble Mylie. I mean it!”

Mylie’s green eyes were looking sad, and she was on the verge of pouting as she said under her breathe “Your mean mommy!” the young kitten then stalked past her mother and out of the tavern. Once outside, the young cat-girl was entranced by a small little moving machine, it spewed sparks as it cleaned up the streets, a little dust pan coming from its mouth to sweep in pebbles and trash that had been thrown carelessly on the other wise pristine streets. Mylie’s little arms were folded across her chest as she thinks Nyu…if Jame was here, mommy wouldn’t be so mean! He seemed to be able to lighten mom’s mood! Meow….if he was only here then I wouldn’t have to deal with mommy scolding me about wanting to have fun!

Rainee’s ears flattened slightly at her daughter’s words. She wasn’t trying to be mean, she was simply being a parent. Shaking her head, Rainee murmured “Come on Jineh…I have to catch my little troublemaker!” Rainee then wove her way through the Drow who were still staring at the two cat woman with not so nice looks in their eyes.

Ignoring them; Rainee pushed the door open and found her little daughter looking at a street cleaner with fascination. Sighing as she moved to hug her little girl she murmurs “Look honey, I’m not trying to be mean, just trying to avoid problems ok?’

Mylie took her eyes off the moving street cleaner to stare into her mother’s silver eyes, she saw the love in them and the need for the kitten to understand she was trying to guide her. Meowing softly Mylie hugged her mother back and said softly “Fine mommy, but next time don’t be so harsh!”

Rainee smiles weakly as she murmurs” You try being a single parent dear and having your hands full with a daughter who likes to get into EVERYTHING!”

Mylie sighs and says kindly “Fair enough, I’ll try to be good ok?”

Rainee runs her hands through her daughter’s silky brown hair as she says softly “Fair enough my dear.” She then turns to Jineh and sighs murmuring “Sorry for the delay. But…”

Seeing that Jineh had already left a head of them, Rainee sprints with Mylie to catch up. They soon pass the burly steel blue eyed guard that Jineh had asked directions from. Pausing as they were standing in from of a derelict building with the weirdest assortment of metal pipes sticking out of the roof. Different colored smokes seem to belch from each chimney as Rainee arrived.

Hearing Jineh’s excited questions, Rainee paused as she took her time to answer, keeping her voice soft she responds “I’m just a single mother Jineh, otherwise I don’t work. The things I like to do? Well; hmmm relaxing and taking a good bath, now that is just a wonderful experience!“ Taking a deep breathe Rainee then murmurs “Interesting place the doctor has…” To herself she thought Lets just hope he isn’t insane….his place looks like a mad scientist’s lair….

[Doomsday]

Jineh smiled. "That sounds fun. I like baths too but sometimes it's a lot of work. I have to perform a bathing ritual if I have to share the bath and it's kinda embarrassing. I think I may want to have children now." Jineh swished her tail as she saw her query, the laboratory was there.

The place demanded that Jineh lessen her smile and show the appropriate awe with it's presence. It looked like at one time it was a normal yet large home but now there was several lightning rods jutting up and begging for a storm, Windows barred with steel, chimneys more at home in a factory and a dark esthetic that would creep out anyone.

Jineh had to build up courage though she turned to the little girl who was probably scared out of her dress. "Mylie, you be good, me and mommy have to work now so don't play with things you don't know. I know it's not fun but I promise that when we're done you and me will play what ever game you want as long as it isn't something that get one of us hurt. Ok? please this is important to me."

Jineh had excitement in her heart but she let it go. Now was the time to be serious, she needed the job to learn and she was determined to get it. This was going to be tough since she wasn't sure what the scientist needed but Jin was sure she could help.

Once settled, Jineh went to the door and knocked a few times then waited. There was something going on beyond the door as there was a mechanical screech of something but after a while of banging on the door it opened.

A short drow came with whit hair and his eyes blocked by safety goggles was out and scowling. "What're you here for?"

Jineh swallowed and tried not to be too nervous. "I'm here for the job with my best friend Rainee. I know we don't look like much but we're willing to learn and I know quite a few things about machines."

"Hmm" The little elf thought. "You two might do... at least you being around will brighten up the lab." He grinned as looking over the two girls. "And girls are a bit better with delicate things and for the heavy lifting I have some special help so you're hired!" He was grinning as his gaze lingered in places that made Jineh blush.

"Okay thanks!" The cat girl cheered trying to forget where the elf was looking.

[Nekoprincess]

“Fine Jineh!” Came Mylie’s soft response as she was staring at a spiral of purple colored smoke. Awe was in her young eyes as she murmurs “I already promised mom that I’d be good, don’t worry I won’t ruin anything for you!” Her eyes then moved to the back of skull as she watched the pretty spiral of smoke travel upwards and behind some fluffy white clouds. Turning to her mother she murmurs “This place looks like a circus mom!”

As Rain waited a couple second studying to the frosted up clear windows she answered her daughter “Yeah it does…” It also seems like a crazy fun house.. Rainee thought this as she heard the door open with the sounds of bells and the scream of a duck. Blinking as she watched the white haired Drow appear. She could have sworn that she was seeing a mad doctor. His frizzy white hair was sticking up all over his head, and she could have sworn she saw some brownish blue liquid on the side of his fuzzy white mustache.

Concern filled Rainee’s heart as her eyes traveled to the dark interior of the house. She couldn’t exactly see anything, but she sure could hear things. There was a contraption making the weirdest sounds. One sounded like it was whirring bells and another seemed to be making a mechanical CLUNK sound as a metal little hammer contraption pounded a thin piece of metal into shape.

Wonder was beginning to whir through Rain’s brain as she heard these noises. She wondered just what type of work this ‘doctor’ was looking for. As her silver orbs turned once more to look at the scientist she heard Jineh and him discussing what they were here for. A small smile shifted onto Rainee’s face as she heard Jineh call her ‘best friend’ her tail wagged a bit as she chimed in “Yeah….we could really help out with your project!” She then tried a disarming smile as the old white haired Drow contemplated their offer.

Finally after what seemed to be milliseconds he said “Fine come on in.” He then beckoned them inside.

The cat mother smiles at this before she motions to her daughter. “Come on Mylie.”

“Ok mom!” Came the little kitten’s response as she scampered after her mother.

Once they were inside, Rain’s eyes widened even more. It seemed that the sound she had heard belong to two magnificent looking machines. The one that she had heard pounding metal was made of many thin pieces of metal, all put together to look like a duck holding a hammer, the other machine was shaped like a swan with a bell collar around its neck. It seemed this machine was used to create tiny little metal cups that were being filled with brownish blue liquid.

That must have been where that liquid came from…from this machine! Rain thought as she kept a tight hold on her little girl’s hand. Turning back to the doctor she pauses before she asks “Just what type of work will we be doing?” She then took the chance to glance back as Jineh, the girl also seemed fascinated by the machines in the doctor’s lab. A smile spread across her face as she turned back to the doctor and waited for his response.

The half cat hoped that it wouldn’t be anything to extreme. After all machines could be dangerous, and she didn’t want to do anything that would get herself or her daughter hurt.

[Doomsday]

Jineh couldn't stop smiling as she heard that she was hired and as relief took her; her curiosity made its return. Her tail made a mischievous twitch before she moved from her spot to go over the tools and her smiled broadening to show her canines peeking through her lips.

"This labs so neat!" Jineh complimented as she bent over some shelves with all kinds of neat tools. Sure the usual stuff was there like hammers, pliers, screwdrivers and of coarse wrenches. But there was also a welding wand, will-o-wisp for light and even a gun of adhesive. Jineh wondered if she could have something but then she dashed off to the finished machines.

Arachne chose to ignore its master though maybe this once it wished it did not since the Doctor made a sharp coughing sound. "Don't touch anything unless I say."

Jineh snapped up so fast that she thought she would fall over if her tail didn't counterbalance. She looked at the drow and blushed. "I'm so sorry. I was just really interested. You're such a master at making."

Wrarin puffed up but still wasn't going to let the cat girl run around unchecked. "You two are going to help with one of my greatest projects. I have discovered an artifact of unknown origin and great power. I need some extra hands during research and you two will do what I say. Now follow me." The little drow went forward though he wished he was following the two cat girls to get a sweet view of their tailed ends but alas work was more important than play and he hoped that he could get some play when work was through.

Jineh followed down a long stairway that lasted a while until she gasped for seeing a huge machine. It was large and black and bulbous. To say that she wanted to investigate was an understatement but she stayed still because she didn't want to get in trouble.

"This is it, my pride and joy." The little scientist boasted. "I found her a while ago and moved her down here piece by piece but I need to figure out how to get it started but I'm close; I know it."

[Nekoprincess]

“Look mom! Look at all this neat stuff!” Mylie said her white tail wagging happily as she went over to explore the machine that was shaped like a duck. Her little paw reached forward to touch what appeared to be a green button.

“Mylie!” Rainee said in an exasperated voice. “Look! BUT DON’T TOUCH!”

The kitten pulled her paw back and glanced at her mother with bashful eyes. In a tiny voice she meowed “But…moooooooooooooom! It looks so cool! Can’t I touch it just once? Pretty please?”

As the machines whirred and made their weird sounds. The mother moved to take her daughter’s hand, moving a wagging finger at the pouting kitten, she whispers “Play with Pixie! Remember? I bought you her so you’d stay out of trouble!”

Mylie meowed her little tail flattening as she moves to her mother’s satchel. Pulling out the white furred mechanical dog, Mylie pushed the little white button that made it bark. When the bark! Bark! happened, her eyes lit up. On a sigh she murmurs “Sorry mommy. I didn’t mean to cause trouble!”

Rainee giggles her silver eyes bright with love. Ruffling her little angel’s hair she murmurs “You didn’t.”

She then turned and studied the doctor. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she caught him quickly looking the other way. Her tail wrapped around her waist, as she thinks Was he just staring at my body? Oh lord…. She now would have to watch this Doctor Wrarin carefully. If he tried to look at her one more time, she’d punch his lights out!

Hearing the doctor speak of a rather large artifact. Rainee let out a groan, so that was why he needed help! He was working on some mysterious relic, that might very well be something that shouldn’t be played with! A sigh escapes her as she looks at her little girl. In a firm voice she whispers “Stick close to me honey. I fear we might have gotten ourselves involved in something that could be trouble.”

Mylie mutely nodded as she held her mom’s hand tightly.

Thinning her lips, Rain then watched as Jineh innocently bounded down a flight of long steps. It seemed the other feline was innocent to the ways of men. Concern filled her heart as she murmurs to herself “Careful Jineh…this doctor isn’t as trustworthy as he appears…”

Once they were downstairs in a rather large spacious basement. Rain could see the odd machine that was centered there. It felt as if she was in a museum as she stared at the black machine, there was a shine to it, but something about it just didn’t sit right with the cat-woman. As she led her daughter to a rather large clear window that was letting in some of the bright sun. She paused and murmurs “I see…but where exactly did you find this machine?”

Doctor Wrarin’s thin voice spoke firmly “I found each piece in the mine shafts in Kachuk! The Drow there let me buy it off of them for a pretty penny!”

“I see..” Rain said cautiously as she studied the piece. “Are you sure this thing is safe?”

“Oh my dear kitten!” The doctor said in a consoling voice “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it! I’ll be doing most of the work! All you have to do is hand me things!”

Rain’s lips formed an O, her dislike of this man was growing as she murmurs “I see…well then…just tell me what I need to do!” She formed a false smile on her lips as her brain thought He’s treating me like a child…heh just what the hell does he think he’s going to get out of this deal? Once we’re paid from this I’m off! I’m not sticking around to see what more this doctor wants from me! I’ve got a daughter to care for! I’ve got no time to stick around for a doctor’s suspicious wants!

[Doomsday]

Arachne watched the scientist and his soul stone glowed with thought as he watched the scientist. Doctor Wrarin was patronizing the girls and there was something that the machine didn't understand or like. With worry he moved the to oblivious priestess and poked her and spoke in a soft voice, but it couldn't whisper. "Mistress, please be careful. I'm not liking what he's up to and it looks like madam Rainee is of the same mind."

Jineh giggled as she looked at her creation. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. He's just a little weird and people say that about me all the time." Her tail swished as she moved her hand on the smooth surface of the device. The cool feeling made the girl shiver as she turned to Wrarin. "So what does it do?"

"Oh, I don't really know honey." The drow said with a smile as he lightly grabbed Jineh's hand. "But I just need top fix the wiring and the runes and then we'll find out. It'll be safe darling, I ran some tests and found it is likely not a weapon. Now Kitty, would you mind getting me a spool of crystal conduit, it's that blue string."

"Oh, Okay." Jineh blushed as she took her hand away and not sure about the contact. It felt funny from someone that she just met and just wanted a job. The lab was lit but just enough to see well and yet had some gloom about it. There was no worries about tripping but the creepy light gave the kitty maker the shivers.

Once Jineh returned the dark elf grinned as he took the spool with one hand and flelt the girl's side with his free hand. "Thank you."

"Umm..." Jineh found herself backing away. "Your welcome, could you watch you hands please. That kinda felt funny."

"Sir, please act the gentleman." Arachne raised its middle legs like an angry spider to be seen. The machine wasn't happy with his master getting treated in such an odd manner that was making her uncomfortable.

"Oh sorry." The drow said, rather unhappy that he was caught. hopes of having some fun along the way with the research was fading.

[Nekoprincess]

As the Drow moved away from Jineh a sheepish grin on his face, Rainee's eyes were narrowed. She had seen what he had done, he had tried to caress the young feline's side. Shaking her head, she turns to squeeze Mylie's hand. Softly she whispers "Mylie honey? Can you go upstairs with Pixie?"

Mylie's green eyes were fixated on her little toy, her paws were currently petting the silky fur on the dog, before she looks up at her mother. Blinking innocently she asks "Why mom?"

Rain sighs as she squeezes her daughter's paws, in a gentle voice she whispers "Its for your best interest..." Moving to nudge her daughter towards the long flight of steps she finishes "I'll call you when I am done down here honey."

Mylie was pouting, but with a little bark from Pixie, she was making her way up the stairs.

Relief filled Rainee's heart as she turned around, sunlight was making her hair shine like a blue diamond, it also glinted off the machine causing the half cat to blink as it blinded her eyes for a minute.

A meow escaped Rainee's lips as she tried to rub the fuzziness from them. Seeing only blurred shapes, she tried to move across the cold floor. As she did, she eventually bumped into a blurry small shape.

A hand helped her up as a voice cooed "Watch it there sweetie. You don't want to go knocking over any of my potions!"

Rainee' quivered with disgust as the hand that had pulled her up begin to travel down to her side. As the hand begin to squeeze her, she let out a hiss as she moved to ball her hands into fists. With anger flashing in her eyes she screams "YOU PERVERT! DON'T TRY TOUCHING ME!" with her vision completely cleared, she could see the lecherous smile on Doctor Wrarin's dark face. Shaking her head, she acted on her instincts and swung her fist into the doctor's stomach.

A loud "Ooomph!" escaped the doctor's lips as his slight weight was sent flying from the power of Rain's punch. He landed with a loud THUD into a small silver table. There were clear glass vials filled with different colored liquids sitting in a holder on top of the table's cold metal surface. As the doctor skidded onto the table, the vials rolled onto the floor and broke.

Panting Rain's eyes slowly returned to their normal color. Turning to look at the machine, her eyes narrowed as she whispers "That felt good." She then shifted her eyes from the machine's shiny surface to Jineh's green eyes, in a soft voice she murmurs "We should get out of here. This Doctor is a lech! We haven't even done any work on this stupid machine!" Her speech was aburptly cut short as she felt a cold slimy liquid covering her shoes.

Blinking as she looked down, her eyes widen as she sees her tail beginning to darken, slowly it became a soft blue color. Blinking as she moved to look in the machine's reflecting surface, her ears were also changing to the same blue color.

Wriggling her ears, she blinks once more before turning to the Doctor's fallen form. In a shrill voice she shrieks "Just what is this potion? Tell me you stupid lech!"

The doctor's body was stirring, but stars were in front of his eyes, rising shakily to his feet, he said in slurred words "I...it...gah k...itten...you've got a strong punch...."Moving to shake his head to clear the stars that were dancing in front of his eyes, he slowly finishes as they fade "color change potion. Its from my precious machine. Basically for a short period your fur color will be different..."

Rain let out a yowl as she hisses "Urgh! You and your stupid machine! See this is why I said it might not be best to mess with it!" Sighing as she halted her words, she moved to cross her arms over her chest, before she said blandly "Just pay me Doctor Wrarin...I won't see around her helping you while you try to grope me!"

The doctor's dark eyes widened, before he stuttered "Listen here missy! You won't get a cent unless you stay!"

Rain let out a cold laugh as she said softly "Oh really? Would you rather I go to the police and tell them about your dirty behaviors while you pretend to look for lab assistants?"

The doctor's eyes widened and he could feel sweat beading down his back. Holding up his hands in a peaceful manner he stammers "I'll....I'll behave!"

[Doomsday]

Jineh watched Rainee with a bit of fear in her eyes. The smaller cat girl never could have guessed that her friend could get so angry and it was partially embarrassing that Jineh was oblivious to the perverted means of the drow and she even sent the scientist into a table of potions making a mess and even tainting the woman's fur to become blue. Good thing the child wasn't there but even with the altercation the fight continued until Rain won. Jineh smiled as she went to the woman's side.

"Wow, you're really strong in body and Mind!" The smaller cat woman cheered as she went forward but her feet slipped on the spilt potion and stone floor to land face first on the remnants of the containers with a grunt and a whine getting up.

"Mistress!" Arachne said in its loudest voice but Jineh groaned as she got onto her knees.

"I'm alright, it just hurts." The priestess felt her head but it was okay though a loose strand of hair came off. "Strange, this isn't my hair, it's too light." The kitty took around and then to her machine.

"Mistress, your hair changed. It's Pink."

"Wah?" Jineh yelped as she blushed and looked to Rainee. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Jineh then looked at the drow and he seemed to have been cowed. "Please don't tell the enforcers! They'll kill me if they find out that I'm not licensed for a lot of my stuff. I won't do anything more." He needed to sweeten the deal since the feline girls were altered and might just do it for the inconvenience of the hair colors. "You two seem like you could handle yourself with some tools, I'll let you use anything in my other lab while I get this one cleaned up."

Jineh smiled and her eyes brightened. "You Mean it!" Jineh was overjoyed that she forgot that the man was a pervert and went to hug him and earned a caress of the curve of her bottom. "Nya!" Jineh jumped back and the Drow gave a frightened grimace.

"Sorry, sorry. Reflex, it won't happen again."

[Nekoprincess]

Rain blushed slightly as she turned to look at Jineh. She felt a sense of kinship with the other feline and was touched by her compliment. Though in reality Rainee knew that the only reason why she had learned these nerves was because of all the trials she had faced in her life.

Waving a hand at Jineh's kind compliment she murmurs "Thank you Jineh, though truth be told, I'm only this strong because I've faced quite a few trials in my life..."She then saw that the other cat-girl's fur had changed as well. Shaking her head she thinks to herself This place is more trouble then its worth. Is...the money really worth it? Rainee pondered on this for a few moments, before she sighed and said under her breathe "It is...I can't support Mylie without earning money....its hard enough as is without someone else to help out..."

She then turned to glare at the Doctor, she was going to tell him once more to keep his hands off, when he offered the girls a bargain. Pursing her lips The blue haired half cat mutters "Fine..but no more funny business!" She then let out a groan when she saw Jineh hug him and watched as his hand brushed against her bottom.

"I said no more funny business Doctor Wrarin! If you keep up with that perverted nature I really will call the enforcers!"

"It was habit miss!" The drow stammered again as he begin to lead the felines to a small wooden door. Pushing it open he mutters hastily "Take your pick of the tools! I am sure you'll find something that interests you!"

Rain's eyes remained on the Drow's slight figure as she made her way into the room. It was dark inside and the air was stale as if it hadn't been used in a long time. Wrinkling her noise against the acrid smell, Rain's eyes fell on a simple steel table. She could barely see it due to the dim light that a single candle gave off, but noneless her eyes looked over the tools that were scattered on it.

Her tail twitched as she couldn't quite understand which tools were which. Finally her eyes fell on a simple lantern, that had a small switch on it. Moving over to it Rain pressed the switch curiously and watched as a blue glow appeared inside the lantern's clear light bulb, it seemed warm too like it was a magical fire.

As she moved to pick it up she mutters "I'll take this..."

The Doctor nodded as he said apprehensively "Good choice miss...that lantern will light up even the darkest area..."

The feline nods as she moves past him, giving him a wide berth as she mutters "Yeah...thanks.." She then went back into the large circular room waiting for Jineh to make her choice.

[Doomsday]

Jineh smiled widely as she watched Rainee take her pick but her eyes wandered around as well planning on what she would get. Problem was that having something handed to her wasn't going to cut it. Jineh's fingers twitched with the passion to create and her tail wagged anxiously. Once Rain was done the smaller girl darted through the room grabbing a little bit of this and that.

Wrarin's eyes went wide as he saw the cat girl run through the lab and skillfully pick out a bunch of tools as if she was berry picking. "Miss, you can't have that mu..." The drow's voice went quiet as he saw the girl reach up and give a glimpse of under her robe but then he looked away afraid of the mother cat girl who wasn't afraid to hit him and could bring an investigation here. "...That Much! I need those tools."

Jineh grinned with a wrench in her mouth as her other hands were full of wires, mana soldering tools, a red crystal that glowed with fire and a heavy gun that no longer worked. "mmmph..." Jineh giggled as she let the wrench on the table. "Don't worry, I'm just borrowing most of the tools, I'm only going to keep the wire I use and the stone and the broken pistol. I'm going to make something while we wait for the experiment to begin again."

Wrarin glared but gave in as he looked at the junk, well the mana crystal wasn't junk but he could get replacements that were better easily so he let it slide. "No more threats from you two then. I'll behave but so will you, this is my house!" The small gray skin made his demand and hoped to be a bit tough before he left to clean up the mess in the basement.

"I'm really sorry Rainee. I didn't know he would want to touch us in funny places." Jineh said as she focused on her project. It was going to be a little bit of work that needed care but she had the skills.

First she would clean the rust off the gun and make sure it would be as smooth as possible and then she would carve several runes of magic about the device to attune it to magic. Also as she did this she sang a song of her people in her language for luck with the project and then it came to the wiring that she had to solder to the gun and lead to the runes and inside the gun.

Now was the hard part to get inside the gun and place a silver setting to hold the magic crystal that would be fitted in the barrel of the gun so it would lead it's magic to the runes. The felin held her tongue out and tuned out the world as she made the precise movement that a simple mistake would ruin it. But it wasn't long until she was content and made a firing mechanism by making the hammer connect with two wires and then she put in the crystal that ended up giving the device a strange hum.

"I think I'm done!" Jineh cheered as she looked to Rainee for approval.

[Nekoprincess]

"That is ok Jineh." Rainee said slowly as she watched Jineh's complicated work. She was fascinated by the small feline's quick worki with machines. Pursing her lips, Rain thought Wow....she is amazing with machinery! I...could never do anything like that!

When Jineh's hands stopped working, a dazzling gun was shining in the circular room. Its brillance was offset by the shining magical stone that was glinting from the sunlight in the gun's mouth. The runes on the side were a fascination. As she grins at the young feline, she murmurs "Great work! That gun is amazing Jineh! But....what type of gun is it?"

As Rain waited for Jineh's response, a soft cough came from behind her. Turning to see doctor Wrarin looking at her warily, he shifts his foot against the cold metal for a few moments before he asks 'Now then...can we, get back to my experiment?"

The half cat let out a little hiss, as her eyes turned into slits. In a pompous voice she murmurs "Fine. But because you harrassed us, I demand more then you originally offered!"

Doctor Wrarin's dark skin paled so drastically that he looked like a regular elf. In a squeaky voice he stammers "B.but! I..don't have that type of money! Isn't the tools I gave you enough?"

She contemplated his words for a moment, her tail swishing like a metronome behind her. Finally she mutters "Fine....the tools and the original payment! But anymore funny business and justice will be wrought!"

The Drow looked petrified as he nods and scurries towards his machine. Moving to press a button, a sound like that of a dolphin issued from the machine as it came to life. Blinking as she moved forward, Rain studied it as she thinks Its strange...this machine doesn't seem normal..just where did it come from?" Looking down at her fluffy blue tail she finishes her thoughts [I] This machine caused my tail fur to change colors...just what other mysterious does it contain? She then moved to look at the doctor's haphazard work bench, in a loud voice she asks 'Just what am I suppose to do now doctor?"

"Hand me a vial" Came his muffled voice as he was busy pressing different buttons and gadgets on his machine.

Rain does as he asked, but is baffled and cautious as she is wondering what he is up to.

[Doomsday]

Jineh felt a beam of pride as Rainee praised her. It was something special to be praised by a woman that the kitty girl came to respect in such a short time and to have such kind words come out and then there was that fact that she had just made a new toy that begged to be tried out. There was no way that Jineh smile could get any wider but she composed herself a little. Her new "Toy" was made with materials meant for weapons and it was probably a weapon as well.

"I think it will shoot blasts of fire." Jineh smiled and thought about the safest way to try it out and show off her creation but the drow came back with work and the testing would have to wait. the interruption made the cat girl's heart sink.

Arachne looked closely at the weapon its master made. The thing was definitely dangerous from the mana energy the crystal gave off. Hopefully the weapon wouldn't back fire and harm Jineh but in the end it was tucked in the girl's robe for safe keeping and the now pink haired girl swished her tail and shivered from the cool metal touching bare skin.

Jineh watched her friend grab the vials and bring them over but now the creator girl wanted the day over as soon as possible to try out her invention and it made her tail swish happily as she imagined what the thing would do. The suspense was almost too much for the little thing.

"Hey, You the little one!" Wrarin was sharp as he tried to ignore the girls softness and his want to touch but he had his survival hanging by keeping his hands to himself and he knew it would be the last time he would want to see the cat girls, he lost too much this time. "You're good with machines, so I need you to manage the pressure, move the level to release gas and keep it in the gree area."

Jineh nodded and almost hopped to the job though it was excitement for being praised by her friend and her new creation, she had places she would rather be now. This job was simple that a child could do it. One thought that crossed her mind was that her hair and fur were now pink and that made her blush and wonder. "Umm Rain, do I look silly with my hair like this?" She asked getting self conscious from boredom with the chore.

[Nekoprincess]

As Rainee winced a bit from the purple colored smoke that belched from the black shiny machine, she yowled. The purple smoke was covering her eyesight. Making it hard for her to see. Pausing after she handed a vial of blue gel like liquid to the professor. She waved her hands in front of her blue haired figure. Her soft blue tail twitched irritably in front of her face as the smoke stung and smelled like plums to her nostrils. Flattening her fuzzy blue ears, Rainee meowed as she muttered loudly over the machine's crazy sounds "I need to be excused doctor....the smoke is getting to me..."

Doctor Wrarin looked irritably, his dark eyes frowning as he mutters "Oi! I hire you kittens to work for me and..." he shut up gulping as the fiery half cat gave him a baleful glare. Wiping sweat from his brow, he pulls a small black crystal from the conveyer belt at the end of the machine. Turning the mana stone over in his hands. He lets out a triumphant cry as he murmurs "Great! Another one has been made! That little girl" He looks at Jineh disdainfully 'Took my first one...but now I have another so its fine!" The white haired Drow then looked at the two girls and waved a dismissive hand muttering "Get out of here you furry haired trouble makers! I have what I needed! Your pay is here!" He takes out two pouches of gold, which contained one hundred gold pieces. Dumping them into each of the feline's hands he mutters "Now get your tails out of here! Shoo! I don't want the enforcers called on me for harassing you ladies!"

Grabbing the gold, Rain grinned widely as she muttered "Thanks doctor Wrarin. It was not so nice working with you!" She then turned to head towards the stairs. Stopping to smile at Jineh she gently answers "If you look silly with your pink hair Jineh, then I look silly with my blue fur and blue hair! Don't worry about it! You look fine!" She then begin her trek up the cold stairs. Glad to be out of the cold circular room with its weird machine that made mana stones.

Once she was upstairs a frown crossed her face. Her daughter apparently didn't know how to behave. The little brown haired kitten was currently poking at the machine that flattened metals into different shapes. Her tail was swishing like a metronome as her green eyes followed the shape the machine made. Soon she was holding a little flattened disc that looked like a duck. Her tail stopped though as foot steps approached.

Turning with the disc in hand, her eyes showed her guilt as she murmured pleadingly 'Hi mom! I wasn't breaking anything!....just looking!"

Rain covered her eyes with her hands as she said in a long suffering voice "Didn't I tell you child? LOOK but don't touch? How do you know you didn't break the machine?"

"But mommmmmy!" Mylie whined as she placed the finished disc on its pile "The machine still works see! Its making its duck noise!"

Rainee groaned as she moved to grab her daughter's hand, counting to ten she asks lightly "Do you still have Pixie with you? You didn't break her?"

"No mom...I still have her.." Mylie said her eyes sulky.

"Good...we're heading to the nearest tavern..."Rain said. Though politeness caused her to pause. "First though we should say good bye to Jineh and her little friend."

Mylie's tail wasn't twitching, her eyes were pouting as she muttered loudly "Fine...but mom! You need to lighten up! Sometimes exploring things doesn't get you into trouble!"

The half cat looked at her daughter, shaking her head she said in a motherly tone "That may be true dear...but most of the time, getting your nose into things causes trouble!"

Mylie quieted after that, she wasn't mollfied, but she understood her mother's words.

Content that at least her child was quiet, Rainee waited for Jineh to come up from the laboratory basement. She wanted to be gone from this crazy place, and very far away from the perverted doctor who owned it.

[Doomsday]

Jineh could hardly believe the rate she was shoed out of the lab as soon as the Doctor got what he wanted. "Out you mangy cat. Take my Mana Crystal, I don't care. i can now make as many as I want and you can't have them!" The elf laughed and sent Jineh running after Rainee.

But Jineh didn't make it far since she all of a sudden hit the ground and a clatter and as she tripped over Arachne. "Miss, please watch your step, I believe you damaged my gears." The machine complained as it got itself slowly up as Jineh picked herself up.

"Sorry Arachne." Jineh blushed and smiled shyly at her companion. "That guy scares me." The cat girl brushed herself off and started down the road, looking for a bed to rest in. "These Drow are strange people, so bitter and perverted. Don't you think?"

"They are strange but more advanced, but you're judging them on one eccentric that can't represent the whole race. Most the other drow are twice as tall as he is."

Jineh giggled a little from the comment. "Yeah he was funny for a drow." She realized that she had to keep an open mind and learn from them. "At least I got something out of it." The Felin girl grinned as she took out her invention. "I can't wait to try it out!"

(Spoils: Mana Gun and Fire mana stone.

The mana gun uses mana stone as ammunition and has a different affect depending on type of stone. Mana Stones can be depleted but they recharge overtime depending on the stone. Jineh's Skill is quite poor with the gun.

Fire Mana Stone: Has different affects but in the mana gun it shoots a blast of fire that acts like a fireworks caliber rocket with a small explosion when it hits. Those Directly hit suffer a moderate burn where it hits and the splash does minor burns. The gun can fire 4 shots but the speed is that of a light crossbow and it takes an hour to recharge.)

[Nekoprincess]

Rainee waited for minutes, then those minutes turned to hours. Finally Doctor Wrarin bustled up from his lab with his whole arms filled with mana stones. Frowning the perverted doctor studied the blue furred half cat and her young daughter. Shaking his head he mutters "If you were looking for that other young feline, your wasting your time. She left hours ago! You should get out of here too, you wouldn't want the authorities called on you!"

Rainee groaned as the doctor pulled her own threat out against her. Shaking her head she mutters "We're leaving." She then ushered her daughter out of the crazy lab. Concern filled her heart though as she thought Just what happened to Jineh? She was suppose to come up from the lab? But, I thought I saw a flash of her tail, but I guess she didn't see me...I guess she was in a rush. sighing, Rain soon found herself on the empty streets of Alerar.

The whir and rush of the machines had stopped, not even the factories pelted out smoke. It seemed that now most of the Drow in this village were inside staying warm. It had turned colder through the day, shivering a bit Rain drew her daughter closer as she mutters "Lets find a place to warm up honey."

Mylie nodded as she wrapped her tail around her little waist for warmth. In a shivering voice she murmurs "Somewhere warm mommy! I want soup!"

Rainee laughed as she ruffled her innocent child's hair, even with the sounds she had heard, that did not dim the radiance that was her daughter. Grinning widely, Rain moved to pick her daughter up as she says sagely "Sure honey! We'll go to the first tavern we see! We'll also get a room there too!"

"Yay!" Mylie exclaimed happily as she nuzzled her mom's hand. Her tail wagged as they made their way down the dark street. Soon not far from the mansion they ran into a tavern called "The Yellow Dog." It looked seedy, it looked cheap, but at the same time, both mother and daughter's tummies were rumbling. However before they entered the tavern, there was a shout of "Miss Rainee!" A mink haired girl was hurrying towards them, her green eyes bright with welcome.

The girl was Mistuki, a young teenager Rainee had saved back in Sister's Grove. Smiling Rain welcome her, and the trio headed into the tavern for a bite to eat.

(Spoils: Pixie- This is a spoil for Rain's daughter Mylie. Its just a mechanical dog that barks and has real white dog fur and pinkish-red eyes. It simply is a play toy for Mylie to play with and entertain herself with.

Magical Lantern- a lantern that emits magical blue flames to light any dark place. It isn't a weapon, just a tool for Rainee to use to see in really dark places.)

[Call me J]

Well this was a fun quick read. It was a nice breezy thread with a few problems that I’ll get to, but this was a cute story.

Total Score- 50

• STORY ~ 16/30

Continuity (5) ~ Doomsday: When you are playing a character that comes from a race that you have invented, you sometimes have to do a bit more to introduce your reader to the race. For instance, in your first post, you compare the Tower City of the Felin to Alerar. While I liked the juxtaposition, it would have worked better if you had started by telling me more about the Tower City.

Nekoprincess: You seem to think back to previous quests a good deal and have a good sense of the future for your character. That is wonderful, but sometimes, to understand what the past means, someone would have to already be familiar with your character. I’m going to list two examples from your posts, the first one being a good one, the second being not so good.


Rainee let out a heavy sigh as her silver eyes traveled over the belching smoke of a nearby factory, the Drow city was the safest place they could get, very far away from the Raiaeran borders. There was no way in hell that Kedx’s ghost would find her here. Her body still showed the scars of his claws where his hands had gripped around her throat.


As two bowls of steaming hot corn chowder were placed in front of Rainee and Mylie, the older of the two was still sighing. She still hadn’t quite gotten over the fact that Corin had been Kedx. She was still angry about it yes, but it still stung because it showed that her decision making wasn’t quite up to par.

In the first one, I get a good idea that there was this guy Kedx, and Rain is afraid of him because he assaulted her. That is really all I need to understand the impact of Kedx on this quest. In the second post, you mention that Corin is Kedx. Granted, I know who Corin is (he was my character after all), but imagine if a newcomer who had never seen any showstopper quests read that. He or she would have no idea who this Corin was, and why it was significant that he had been Kedx. If you had said, “her husband Corin was Kedx” it would have worked a lot better.

Setting (5) ~ I really felt like this thread could have been helped with a bit more description of the lab. Doomsday did a really good job with descriptions of Alerar in general in the first part of the thread, and I liked how you mentioned that the tavern had both a Drow and Common name. That said, the bigger issue was how little interaction there was with the setting. Occasionally, Rainee was impressed with some of the Alerarian technology, but I really felt this was an area in which the thread was lacking. All the things that could have been national particulars also felt very generic here.

Pacing (6) ~ This thread had a good bit of a rise to it, and I did like the way that you guys did tease the scientist as a pervert. It wasn’t particularly well executed as far as foreshadowing goes, so it won’t win you many points in technique, but you guys did a good job as far as pacing.

• CHARACTER ~ 15/30

Dialogue (6) ~ Nekoprincess: You have an overreliance on exclamation points. It’s fine to use them, but people should not be exclaiming everything they say. Try to be a bit more judicious with them.

Doomsday: I really find the way your character speaks endearing. You do a great job of combining childlike innocence with your character’s knowledge of advanced weaponry. It’s a little bit cutesy and might be out of place in some threads (not here) but you do a very good job with it.

Action (4) ~ For both of you, the interaction between the scientist was a bit strange. In many cases, the decisions that these characters made in relation to him were a bit confusing, and also his decisions didn’t really seem to be the most logical ones that he could have made, given his lecherous desires. Remember, interaction between characters has to go into their decision making. Characters may have desires, but their interactions with other characters can alter these.

Nekoprincess: There were some things in here I really liked, such as recognizing that Rainee would be concerned about having her daughter around a pervert and would send her upstairs. However, sometimes I found the NPCs in this thread to be a bit too pliable, including Mylie. Yes, Mylie often disobeyed her mother, but all it took was a repetition to get Mylie to do what Rain wanted. You should add some additional incentive, perhaps Rain threatens a spanking, or says next time she won’t buy something for Mylie if she doesn’t listen. Or perhaps she could look angry, and that’d be enough. It is just unclear why Mylie changed her mind when Rainee repeated something.

Persona (5) ~ The problems I talked about in action hurt both of your abilities to portray persona, especially with NPCs. However, I generally got a good image of Jineh as an industrious young scholar and Rainee as caring mother.

• WRITING STYLE ~ 14/30

Mechanics (3) ~ This thread had a lot of typos and little errors like that. I know this isn’t grammar class, but you don’t want to confuse your readers with little mistakes like this. Sometimes it’s hard to catch your own mistakes, so in group quests, why not help each other. You’ll both see your scores improve.

Nekoprincess: This is also a dialogue issue, but punctuation can be just as important in dialogue as the words you are saying. Consider these two sentences:


Don’t worry I’m following Jame’s advice.

And


Don’t worry, I’m following Jame’s advice.

The second one implies Rainee took a breath after saying the word worry. If a character was actually talking, they would normally take a breath there. In general, think about every time you would pause if you were delivering the line. Those are the cases you need punctuation in. This builds on the comment I made about this in Revenge is Sweet.

Also, be mindful about using the passive voice. I’m not inherently opposed to seeing the passive voice in writing, but many of the times you use it seem to be unintentional, as the overdramatize moments that aren’t that significant in the grand scheme of things.

Technique (4) ~ The foreshadowing in this thread was poorly executed, and outside of Doomsday’s attempts at imagery in the first post, there wasn’t much to compliment you guys on in this regard. I’ve given you some points for your attempts at foreshadowing, even though it was too direct, because it is good to see that you guys are attempting to do things.

Clarity (7) ~ This was a stronger suit of this thread. It read very well and direct for the most part, though the scenes in which the characters were interacting with NPCs (including Mylie) were often the weakest in this regard. I would suggest that both of you try to punctuate long strands of dialogue with other things. Occasionally, I have this problem too, so it’s something that all three of us can work on to be better at.

• Wild Card (5) ~ This was a fun thread guys. Both of you are very creative writers who are quite careful in certain areas of your threads, but not in others. The nice thing is that you can work with your creativity and develop the other skills with time. I’ve seen both of you put out some very impressive pieces of work, and look forward to seeing them again.

Spoils

Doomsday gains 500 EXP and 165 GP
Nekoprincess gains 1803 EXP and 165 GP

All spoils are granted. However Doomsday, I would like it if you clarified the power of your weapon. If you want it to be powerful enough to cause moderate burns on direct hits, that’s fine, but the way you described it, it seems like it could be much more powerful. Play it as only severe enough for moderate burns and it is very much approved. Otherwise, explosions can be problematic.

[Karuka]

EXP/GP added!