Heartstrings or Harpstrings?

[Jasmine]

Jasmine stood in a line with most of the rest of the girls. Not all of them were pulled out of the carriage, just enough so that it wasn't so cramped. They faced a large door, through which came a man dressed as a messenger.

"Prince Raelyse will be with you shortly. In the meantime, no talking."

Jasmine stared at the messenger, the name he spoke ringing in her head. Flashes of barely controlled anger boiled up within her as the feelings following the morning after she'd met him returned.

Raelyse? Surely not, he couldn't really mean Raelyse, could he?

As far as Jasmine knew, Raelyse was not a very common name. She had known a Prince Raelyse not too long ago. She had met him at the Royal Midwinter Night's Ball. After a dance together, they had retired to the gardens. He had made her feel so special that night and she had fallen for him, or so she thought. They had spent the night together, but she had not allowed him to have his ultimate desire. By morning, he was long gone and she at last realized that he'd been after only one thing. Glad that she had not allowed him to have it, she had then gone to her estate to be alone.

For the past two months, she'd been too busy to think about Raelyse and her feelings of anger toward him had subsided somewhat. Now that the memories of how he had treated her were coming back, she wished more than ever that she had her sword to hand. She would teach him a lesson about how to treat a woman and she would do it with the cutting edge of her blade. While the other girls were clearly excited about meeting a prince, Jasmine could only feel anger and disgust as she waited for his arrival.

[Raelyse]

"Your package has arrived, sir," a timid voice said, slowly, enunciating every syllable as if his life depended on it. There were two people in a large expansive room and it soon became apparent which voice belonged to which body. In a room so greatly decorated with paintings, weapons and trophies as this one, it comes to no surprise that the owner of this room is powerful enough to have such obedient servants. Kneeling on the floor, his head bowed and staring at the intricate carpet designs on the floor. Diamonds, squares, triangles, rectangles, he was too nervous to even examine and differentiate the shapes.

"Well done," a second voice said, breaking the awkward five second long silence. He sat in a large, ten foot tall chair on the other side of a room, facing a window which showed the expansive Alerar landscape. He spun around on it, revealing his features to the man before him.

"Prince Raelyse," the subordinate said, slowly. "I have mobilized the only archers with officer ranks in the Order like you requested."

"Well done," the voice repeated. It held the same swagger and pride that the one before had, only this one was accompanied by the figure rising, pushing his silver hair backwards, behind his ears. His handsome features, now completely unblocked by anything looked at the man before him. His elegant and definitely expensive clothing juxtaposed against the standardized uniform that this sergeant wore.

"Well done, you may rise once I leave the room." Raelyse grabbed his cane which lay leaning against the wall and slowly made his way out of his large chambers, smirking and chuckling softly to himself as he did so. Today was going to be a good day.

The caravan had arrived at the bottom of a fifty meter slope which led to the entrance to Erebus. There were two large chambers, one clearly with the slaves inside it while the other was obviously the driving one. Several slaves were already displayed outside, perhaps to tempt the prince to be a bit more generous with his funds. Already, the leader of the slavers, Dorgorth had already stormed up the hill and was waiting for the prince before he arrived.

Raelyse was flanked by four archers, each dressed in black battle uniform. They were officers, the only group of ranks that the prince allowed to speak to him face to face. Each had a bow strapped to their back with a quiver of arrows next to it.

"Prince Raelyse!" Dorgorth screamed and instantly sprinted towards him.

"No." Raelyse said, cynically. Instantly, he raised his left hand and shifted his body weight onto his right where he held his cane. His fingers instantly pointed forwards, a small icicle spear of about two feet in length beginning to form out of the water vapor in the air. Before the slaver knew anything about it, the weapon flew through the air at incredible pace, piercing through his stomach.

"What?" he managed to stagger out.

"Listen here, Slaver," the prince spat. "I don't take kindly to people like you abusing my subordinates. Now I hear you offer some sort of discount..."

Raelyse clicked his fingers and instantly his four archers nocked arrows and shot them into the air, each landing with startling precision into the stomachs of Dorgoth's slavers, causing them to fall to the ground slowly, groaning in pain.

"Two, gather the slaves and bring them to the dungeon. Other two, take Miranda with you... return to the slaver camp and burn it and everyone in it to the ground."

The prince of Myrusia allowed himself a small smirk before he turned around and moved towards the fortress of Erebus.

All in a day's work in this, a very good day.

[Jasmine]

As the prince finally appeared to his new belongings, Jasmine glared openly. She didn’t care if he noticed the anger in her eyes. Somewhat bemused, she watched uncaring as the slaver and his cronies met their deaths at Raelyse’s decree.

A good many of the girls screamed at the sudden appearance of arrows in their guards’ stomachs and moved quickly away from the dying men. Only a very few watched with a satisfied smirk as their captors and tormentors got death as payment for the slaves. Their eyes snapped forward as Raelyse spoke again, giving the instruction to burn the slave camp to the ground and to take them to the dungeon.

“NO!”

Jasmine’s voice rang out clearly as a guard tried to take her arm to lead her away. She stood defiantly, her normally blue eyes flashing purple. Her ebony hair blew gently in the breeze, but she didn’t care. Jerking her arm out of the guard’s grasp she raised her voice even louder.

“Raelyse Salidan, I’m going to kill you!”

She did not bother to hide the hate, anger and hurt in her voice as she made her threat. If she had a sword she would be running after him right now. As it was, she walked boldly toward him, intent on seeing him face to face after these last two months.

[Raelyse]

The archers descended the steep hill quickly, placing their bows on their backs and quickly moving to restrain the angry girl before she could cause any more grief to their leader. He had already entered the grand area of Erebus so there was no way that he would have heard her mad cries. The first one sprinted down the hill, making his way behind the carriage to ensure that none of the slaves would make a break for it. Two more followed him, rounding them up single file before they picked up the corpses and dashed into the jungle to accomplish their leader's instructions. The last one slowed his pace down when he reached the girl that had made the outburst. He quickly drew the foot long blade that he had sheathed by his side.

"It'd be wise if you decided not to make such rash comments. You're lucky that the Grander didn't hear you make such a loud threat, or you'd be doing a lot more than dance," he said slowly, raising his weapon. He could already see behind her that his partner was already leading the bunch of scantily clad women up the hill. "You should also be grateful. He rescued you."

He shifted slightly to his left as the group of slaves arrived and the archer shoved the rowdy one to the front of the line, and stood next to her, smirking to himself as he led them into Erebus.

"Make one move though," he whispered softly. "And you'll wish you were back with the slavers."

The path from the gates to the entrance of Erebus was about three hundred meters long, and the slow walk along the long path was only kept interesting by the many sculptures, mostly of Raelyse, that decorated the hallway. When they reached the entrance, a giant twenty foot tall door lay ajar, with the slaves promptly being led through them and into the grand entrance hall.

From there, it was a twisting and turning walk as they moved through Erebus, the archer seeming to know perfectly which way to go. Occasionally, cadets, soldiers or other members of the Order would see them and smile, wave or even wink but quickly made their way, knowing that they would have their time soon. Eventually, they reached an area of Erebus where everything seemed to be blacker, from the walls to the ceiling. The long hallway led to a rusted metal door, which the archer promptly used force to shove open. A long stairway leading downwards had been hidden behind it and he promptly led them down it.

The stairway took about five minutes to descend with the occasional slave slipping on the now weathered stairs. When they reached the bottom, they walked for a further three minutes along the uncomfortably humid and dark pathway until they reached a large circular chamber. There were about ten different ways that they could leave it and the leading archer thought for a moment before taking the first from the left. It was not long before they arrived at a large cell, which each and every one of the thirty slaves was promptly shoved into, before they slammed the cell door shut and locked it with a loud slam.

The floor was relatively clean, for a prison cell at least. It was a bit moist and occasionally a small animal would scatter across the floor but aside from that, they were not cramped and there was even five beds and a toilet bowl and sink.

"Now," the leading archer said in between his smirked lips. "We wait for the Grander."

[Jasmine]

As Raelyse disappeared back the way he’d come, her anger escalated. It was only the fact that the archer was armed and she wasn’t, that made her stop.

“It’s not rash at all!” she spat angrily as she struggled against the much stronger grip of the archer. “He didn’t rescue me. He didn’t even know I was here. Let go of me!”

Unable to get away from the archers, she held her head up high, her eyes still flashing angrily. She didn’t blame the archers. They didn’t understand that she knew Raelyse personally. They didn’t know how he had left without saying goodbye in any way, shape, or form. They did not know, and therefore could not understand the pain in her heart Raelyse had caused.

She paid scant attention to the other people they passed in the halls of Erebus. They meant nothing to her. However, she paid much closer attention to the paths their guide took as he led them through the fortress. She wanted to be sure she knew how to get out so she would be ready when the opportunity for escape presented itself.

As the cell door clanged shut behind her, she grabbed hold of the bars, pushing her face close to the them as she glared at the archer, completely unafraid, only angry.

“So is that what the idiot is calling himself these days? When I met him two months ago it was just ‘Prince’, now it’s ‘Grander’. Let me out and take me to him. I want to talk to Raelyse now.”

[Raelyse]

The prince of Myrusia's grand fortress of Erebus was the only place in the entirety of Althanas where he elevated to the rank of king. As leader of the strictly regimental order, there was not a foot out of line here and he loved it. He had almost complete control, with everyone recognizing even his footsteps and knowing what they needed to know. Most of the time, it involved a salute and if he was in a good enough word, that would be the last you heard of him. The Thayne help you if he's in a bad mood, because you could be his second in command and still feel like the first worst person in the world afterwards.

After having fresh blood, thirty dancers and sixty luscious breasts in all, he could feel no better. His mind cast back to the day that he began to organize the procurement of these girls, culminating in the moment where he sent one of his most reliable agents, Miranda Soemamon to fulfill the task. It was simple, really why he had done it. Morale, for his troops and fresh female bodies for himself. He had grown wary of those that lived in the surrounding areas and the few attractive ones that were in the Grander's Order, even though potential was sprouting up all the time. Besides, slave labor was the best kind, free. Which meant that he was making a profit no matter what he did. Foolproof.

However, they simply did not have the quarters to accommodate them all, despite what Raelyse wanted. They would only be temporarily housed in the dungeon, because it was really the only place that had space. They would stay in a wing which was nearest to the privates and corporals, but still far away from the rest of the Grander's Order, to ensure they did not learn what they did not need to. Maybe he could cram a few in, at least until he was done with them. The prince smirked a wide, lustful smirk at that thought.

The archer officer had ignored the rowdy ones' comments, instead leaning against the wall and ogling the ladies that dwelled within. They could not believe their luck.

About one hour after they had brought the slaves here, the distinct sound of a footstep followed by a loud tap of something against the dungeon floor echoed throughout the entire area.

"There you go, wish granted, baby, but don't get your hopes up," the archer said, flashing a wink at the boisterous one. He stared up and down her body, obviously examining her every feature. "You don't seem to be the pick of the mix. I don't think he'd want to 'talk' to you too much."

At the end of the statement, the entire cell area, including the majority of the girls was engulfed in raucous laughter.

[Jasmine]

Amethyst eyes burned even more hotly as the laughter rang in her ears. She understood what the guard had implied, but she didn’t care. Ignoring the girls behind her, she kept her gaze concentrated on the guard.

“Oh I don’t know. He didn’t get what he wanted from me the last time I talked to him, so he might want to continue that. He’s still not getting it though and I’m going to make him pay for everything.”

She peered through the bars toward the sound of the footsteps and what she recognized as a cane. Not waiting for him to appear, she raised her voice even louder, not bother to try to conceal anything in her tone.

“Do you hear me Raelyse? I’m going to make you pay!”

At the continued laughter of the girls behind her, she whirled around, glaring angrily. “Shut up! You don’t know what I’ve been through for that bastard of a man. You wouldn’t understand in the slightest, so just shut the hell up!”

[Raelyse]

The dungeon was not really the stereotypical version that one would think it would be since Raelyse had designed it that way. He had stressed in the design that he wanted it to be clean so that he could actually bear to come down once in a while to make fun and taunt his prisoners. Therefore, the only place that was really filthy beyond normal human standards was the place where they threw the people they really wanted to keep alive until the day old age crept up and stabbed them in the back.

"Who's that, now?" the prince said in a sarcastic tone to himself. He was in a particularly good mood this day thanks to his capture of so many new servants, particularly ones that were so voluptuous. He recognized the voice but dismissed it, citing that all females theoretically sounded the same to him. "No problem, you'll get your salary in due time. You can even trade your top for an advance right now!" he screamed towards the dungeon, instantly followed by loud laughter from everyone that was there.

It took the prince only a few more seconds to reach the cell but when he did, he was surprised to see who was standing there, her face pressed against the bars, her face filled with rage.

"Jasmine!" the prince screamed in mock happiness. A brief feeling of surprise had flushed on his face, but he quickly shook it off as his mind began to plot. He knew everything that was going through her mind, despite the fact this was the first time he had seen her in a long time.

"How lovely to see you again," Raelyse said, trying to keep his voice charming while his mind schemed. He examined her body, tainted by dirt and barely covered by her poor excuses for clothes. "You are wearing considerably more than when I last saw you, though."

Laughter, again. The prince took this opportunity to turn to the officers, smiling softly. "Alright, I want you to take the rowdy one to the female sergeant mess, get her cleaned, get her some clothes, decent but revealing and then send her to my chambers. As soon as you get up, send a section of ten men down here to escort the dancers to the east wing. That's where I decided where they'll be staying. Got it?"

The two nodded, sly smiles covering their faces. Raelyse then turned and took a step back, watching as his subordinates opened the cell and took Jasmine up. By the time she had left, the laughter had subsided and the cell door still lay ajar, though many of the girls inside were either too stupid or too afraid to leave.

"Go on. Come out."

The girls looked at the prince as his face slowly curled into his charismatic, almost boyish smile. "I won't bite... hard anyway. Let me be the first to welcome you to Erebus, the mountain home of us, the Grander's Order. We're lead by me, Prince Raelyse Salidan. I'm going to assure you that you won't be mistreated, unless you want to be, by us. In fact, you'll be staying in five women bunks and you'll be paid what I believe..." he stopped for a moment to brush his silver hair behind his ears, to which the dancers inside the cell gasped. "... Triple what you made before?"

Raelyse then proceeded to leave the cell, his sharp hearing already detecting the sound of footsteps down the staircase.

"You'll be respected here, no matter what you do. Soon you'll know what we want to achieve and how you can help."

And with that, he left.

[Jasmine]

“I don’t want any of your damned money!”

She screamed the words as loud as she could, then when she saw him, quieted somewhat. His every movement seemed to be mocking her, even the way he greeted her.

“All I want from you is your blood.”

She ignored the laughter around her. Once she was free of this prison and had her own belongings back, she would leave. She wouldn’t have to worry about any of these slutty dancers or the men they would be dancing for. She almost didn’t hear him as he gave his verdict to the guards.

“Hey, let go of me! I can walk on my own.”

The guard kept his mouth shut, but let her walk on her own. All the way up to the women’s mess, Jasmine muttered angrily under her breath. Her mood changed dramatically as she was permitted to sink into a tub of hot, soapy water and properly wash hair and body. A serving girl started to take her dirty dress away, leaving behind another dress.

“Hey! Where are you going with that?”

“I was just going to take it to have it washed. The other dress is there for you to wear while this one dries.”

“Oh...well okay. Just be very careful with that dress. It has to be washed in cold water, gently or the fabric will distort.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The girl bobbed a curtsy, then hurried on her way to the laundry room. Jasmine did not spend a lot of time in the tub, knowing she was expected to hurry. Perhaps there would be time for a longer bath later. Once clean, she stepped out of the tub and dried off. The dress that had been laid out for her fit like a glove.

“Are you ready yet, Miss?”

“Yes, lead on.”

The guard led the way through the many hallways and up flights of stairs until they came to an ornate set of doors. The guard opened one and pushed Jasmine through. She tried to resist, but it didn’t do any good. The guard was much stronger than she was and was able to force her to move easily.

[Raelyse]

Chide remarks were only greeted with the unwavering charismatic smile that he always plastered to his face, though Raelyse made sure to think on every single one and ensure that Jasmine would be duly 'rewarded' for insulting him in the future. As he strode through his mountain fortress of Erebus, the only thoughts on his mind were on Jasmine, strangely. It had been some time since he had been distracted so well by one person, particularly a woman, especially one that he had not seen for such a long time. Still, he could not help but feel for her.

She was one of beauty he had never seen before until the day he met her and even though there were chances with another woman, the prince shunned them for a chance, albeit one with much less 'consequences' in the end, with Jasmine. He admitted that he had not thought of her since he had left her home of Moriah, where they had met but now that she had reappeared, he could barely keep her face, her name, her voice, her smell, even the room where they had slept together out of his mind. If it were not for his usual ice cold composure, Raelyse was almost positive that he would not have been able to control himself in her reappearance. She was noticeably angry which probably helped put things back into perspective and calmed him down and he was glad that he was able to maintain his facade. Soon, it would break down.

Raelyse knew exactly why Jasmine was angry and in reality, he could not blame her. However, he already 'remembered' why he was gone and was almost positive that she would forgive him. She would understand why he had sacrificed that morning, she would come back to him. Because deep down inside, the prince of Myrusia knew that she was still, if even just a little bit, in love with him.

Before he knew it, the walk from the dungeon to his quarters was complete and he had to admit, this was one of the fastest walks he had ever been on. He nodded, still wearing that smile on his face, as he saw the guard who had moved Jasmine leave the area. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed onto the gold handle of the large door that led into his room and pushed it open, his eyes instantly scouring for the girl, his girl.

His room was easily the largest in Erebus, probably with enough room inside to play several sports. That is, if the numerous sculptures, paintings or his enormous bed were not in the way. To the entrance's right, there was a rack which was home to many of the prince's swords, each one ornate and seemingly made more for ceremonial purposes than actual combat. Behind them, there was an enormous extension to the room which contained Alerar's largest collection of finest clothing, shoes and any other thing that the prince would put to his body to make him look famous. Other than that, Raelyse seemed to move everything around, from sculptures of himself, to paintings of himself, depending on his mood. To the left of the entrance though, was something that he would never change, even if he had the power to. An enormous door led to an ornate balcony which was built literally on Alerar's mountain cliffs and overlooked the entire range and the vast plains of Khu'Fein.

"How do you like your new home?" the prince of Myrusia teased, still unsure where his prize was hiding.

[Jasmine]

Jasmine was amazed to see the ornateness of the room she’d been shoved into. While the door clicked shut behind her, the young woman wandered about somewhat. She wasn’t sure how long Raelyse would be in getting back to his chambers, but she hoped it wouldn’t be too long. Spying the large doors to her left, Jasmine went to investigate. She pulled one open and slipped through, leaving it slightly open behind her. The view that met her eyes took her breath away.

The mountains climbed high into the sky. From here she could see the vast plains and the wind moving across the grass in waves like the sea. She stood there, perfectly still for several minutes and did not hear Raelyse enter the room behind her until he called out to her. The sound of his voice reminded her of why she was here and her previous anger returned. Turning from the magnificent view of the mountains, she stepped lightly back into the room, shutting the balcony door behind her.

“Well the view outside is quite spectacular. I don’t that I can say the same for inside.”

Her long, black hair hung loose down her back, still damp from washing. The dress she’d been given was light blue. It came just to her knees and had a low cut neckline, revealing quite a bit more cleavage than she was comfortable with. The sleeves were short, with a slit in the middle so that each side of the sleeve hung in front and back of her shoulder, instead of covering it entirely. It fit her like a glove, hugging every curve on her body.

Her eyes had turned back to the angry, dark purple they had been up until she had seen the view outside. She wanted to say a great many things that were not at all becoming of a young lady, but she bit back the curses that she had learned in her travels and struggled to keep her tone calm, if not entirely civil. She walked right up to him, standing within a few inches of him as she looked up at his face.

“How dare you? How dare you let me believe you actually loved me, then disappear the next day! You didn’t even leave a note, Raelyse! I had thought, for one night, that maybe, just maybe, I was worth something, but you ruined it all!”

She raised her right hand and brought it to his face, intending to slap him as hard as she could, but her caught her wrist easily. Without a moment’s hesitation, she brought the other hand up instead. He caught that one, too, leaving her attempting to pull her wrists free. He was much stronger than she was, so her struggling did her no good, whatsoever. Her anger having finally played out, tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she still glared defiantly at him.

[Raelyse]

As her soft, smooth alabaster wrists rested in his palms, Raelyse could not resist for a moment to squeeze them lightly, almost as if he were in a duel against his enemy. Why did he not have a right to view her as such? She had made numerous threats to him, insulted him, and possibly humiliated him in front of every dancer and guard in Erebus and these were crimes punishable by death in most cases. And yet, as he stared into those soft brown eyes, crying them into rage, he could not bring himself to it. As thoughts swirled through his mind, thoughts on the Order he commanded, on their headquarters and then on their newest entertainment members, his mind quickly deduced the best possible solution to this dilemma.

"Shhh," Raelyse whispered to her, his eyes now focused on hers. The two pairs stared at each other as the prince hushed her to try and calm her down. His hands softly began to loosen their grip on her palms and he softly brought them down, around his waist as he moved closer to her. He was easily much taller than her, but as he looked down on her smaller frame, he could not help thinking that soon, that would not matter.

As her hands moved around his waist and their bodies now too close for her to do much of anything, the prince softly began to speak, with every word bringing his body an inch closer to hers. "I dare because I had nothing to lose. Until I lost you."

He began to try to calm her down again, by looking softly into her tear filled eyes and talking softly to her. "But enough, I don't want to fill this moment with words."

At this, he leaned forward until his lips were a mere inch away from hers. He could taste her breath on his tongue and he was sure that she could taste his. He breathed softly onto her pink lips, making them tingle softly before he spoke again.

"Just one kiss."

At this, he leaned forward and snatched her bottom lip from her, his two grabbing it in a vicious vice. He caressed and massaged it gently, feeling her lips under his. He felt her top lip rest gently against the top of his and he patiently waited for it to reciprocate.

"I. Love. You," he managed to whisper in between.

[Jasmine]

Jasmine gazed up at him as he held her wrists, waiting to hear whatever excuses he might have cooked up. She prepared herself to hear any number of excuses, but was disappointed to find that he only shushed her. Her gaze faltered as he brought her hands down to his waist.

What does he think he’s doing? He hasn’t apologized. He hasn’t given me any reason. He hasn’t-

She looked up, intending to answer him, but found that the words stuck in her throat. It wasn’t fair! Why was it that men had to be so wonderfully handsome when a woman wanted to talk to him?

His hands on her body brought back a rush of feelings that she was surprised to find she had missed. His kiss sent shivers down her spine even as her eyes opened wide in surprise. Her heart thrilled to the words he spoke next.

He loves me? He really loves me!?

Warmth flooded through her entire being as she closed her eyes and began to return his kiss. Her arms tightened around him as she pulled herself closer to him. She broke the kiss only for a moment, looking up at his wonderful face.

“I love you, too, Raelyse.”

Closing her eyes once again, she reclaimed his lips for her own, completely losing herself in his embrace.

[Raelyse]

Good.

Her reciprocating her statement was all that he needed and the prince slowly began to move her body towards his bed, his kiss starting to grow more and more in strength as he kissed her again and again. His hands began to grow more adventurous, moving down towards her legs and stroking against them. Her thighs were well toned, evidence of their strength but in reality that was the last thing on Raelyse's mind. The only thing that was on it was the only thing that would be on any man's mind at this moment. Her lips felt so good on his, their smoothness complimenting his while the fact that he knew that he was totally in control of this situation only made the prince want to push on even further.

After her dress had been pulled up to a sufficient height so Raelyse had a perfect view of her undergarments, he made his way to his own clothing. His jacket was promptly thrown off with both hands, though his lips still stayed locked onto hers. He unbuttoned his shirt half way before he could barely resist the urge and pushed the girl lightly onto the bed, before finishing the job. Usually, he would treat a shirt like this with a bit of respect, but the fact that he was getting something that he had not before made him impatient and he threw it away wherever.

For a split second, seeing the blushing Jasmine, the entire bottom half of her body nearly naked and her chest heaving as she took deep breath after deep breath seemed to be all that the prince needed. But it turned out not to be and he moved his body onto hers, this time choosing to seduce her and let her come to him. He began to plant kiss after kiss on her neck, before saying softly, "Jasmine, I love you."

One of his hands moved to her stomach, caressing her stomach and slowly making its way up, while the other one rubbed against her thighs.

"I love you so much."

[Jasmine]

His hands sent shivers through her body at every pass over her skin. Delicious lips pressed against her own made her want more and more as her hands moved slowly up and down his back and up his chest to his shoulders. What was she doing? Two minutes ago she had been absolutely furious with him, now she could scarcely get enough of his hands and lips on her body.

She would have ignored the sweet words and romantic gestures from anyone else. She had done so many times in her travels. The men were always willing to buy however many drinks she wanted or say and do whatever they thought would win her over, but she had always cooly turned them down. Raelyse, though, was different. He loved her.

Does he really?

A small voice in the back of her mind spoke sharply.

This can’t possibly be right. If he really loves, why didn’t he tell you he would have to leave the next day or leave a note? If he really loves you, how come he didn’t noticed you in the line out front earlier? If he really, truly loves you, how come he didn’t make any effort to find you before now?

He’s been busy! I’m sure he has a good reason. He loves me, he said it.

Pushing the voice back to the back of her mind, she ignored the voice of reason within her mind, allowing her full concentration to rest on being in Raelyse’s strong arms. Tiny, barely audible moans came from between her lips as his hands caressed so gently over her thighs.

She stopped still as her legs bumped against the side of the bed. She had not noticed that Raelyse had been slowly moving her toward it. Gazing up at him, she gave no objection to being pushed back onto the bed, instead she gazed admiringly up at him as he finished removing his shirt, revealing the perfectly sculpted muscles beneath. She fought to keep her breath as looked up at him, unaware of the longing in her eyes. Her face felt very warm as she realized her thoughts were not entirely pure.

Then he joined her on the bed. His weight atop her felt so good. She moaned his name softly as she felt his luscious lips against her neck. His hands continuing to caress over her body only served to make her feel uncomfortably warm. Grabbing hold of the hem of her dress, she pulled the fabric the rest of the way off her body, completely revealing the lace undergarments. He said the words again, the ones that made her heart melt.

“Mmm, oh Raelyse, I missed you so...”

She shifted to a more comfortable position beneath him. One hand combing through the mass of gorgeous silver hair, the other caressing his bare chest lovingly as she leaned forward to plant kisses of her own upon his strong, handsome body.

[Raelyse]

Each kiss, no each touch that he made with his fingers against her smooth body only made him lust for the next one all the more. Every single time a part of his body touched a part of her's, Raelyse could feel her anger fade away. By the time she had begun to touch his bare chest, he knew that she was his. Nothing could drive a woman wild like the thought of the man that she loved about to engage in the age old act of intercourse. Already, he could feel her inhibitions fall and for a second, the prince took a moment to thank the slavers for delivering her to him... her emotional distress only added to this moment. The thoughts that it was Raelyse that rescued her were driving her deeper and deeper into loving him. Deep down, the prince of Myrusia knew that from the moment their two lips first touched, from the first time he stroked her body, and that she loved him. She would never stop, not until the last breath left her body. And now that the normally cultured and inhibited Jasmine was about to do what she had always wanted to do, despite what she was taught, she was going to demonstrate just how much she loved him.

As her body rubbed against his, Raelyse could scarcely restrain himself from touching her in those places but managed to with the thought that she would truly be his if he treated her like how she wanted or believed that she deserved to be treated, like a lover. He contented himself by interrupting her kisses to his chest by sliding his hand around her body to the tool which would assist him so much, the one that would remove her dress. He slid it down, watching as inch by inch; the blushing girl's beautiful body began to reveal itself.

"You're... so beautiful," the prince said, a genuine smile covering the smirk that resided within his heart. He pulled the dress off, flinging it in a random direction like the rest of the clothing they wore. He pushed her gently off his body and moved forward and began to do what he had left unfinished before, passionately kissing the girl. This time though, he stole her attention with his lips and tongue while his hands performed a task that he viewed as the final nail in the chaste Jasmine's coffin. He slipped off his pants, his undergarments soon following. Raelyse took her in a deeper kiss, pushing her face deep into the mattress, as his hands stroked her legs before rising to her waist, touching the soft material that made up her undergarments.

At this point, the prince used all of his effort on her, kissing her as passionately as one man could kiss a woman. In one swift motion, he pulled them off. When their lips parted, his left hand rose swiftly and is index finger extended, landing softly on her lips.

"Shhh... I love you. And there's no one who will ever love you the way that I do. I love you, I love you so much."

[Jasmine]

Fire ran in her veins, ignited by sweet kisses and tender caresses. Each touch brought forth sighs and moans of pleasure. Each kiss made the fire in her veins run hotter as the inferno within her increased in strength. She returned each kiss eagerly, almost hungrily as she longed for more and more of sweet affections.

“Mmmm...oh Raelyse...”

Her voice was slightly husky with her desire. She could barely stand it, but a faint part of her mind still told her not to let it go too far. Stay in control of yourself and your feelings. Do not let his desires rule the evening. However, she was slowly shutting that part of her mind off. She wanted to enjoy the evening, not be worried about what would happen during it.

Although she could have gone on forever receiving and giving endless kisses, she was fast coming to the point where it was not enough. She smiled softly at the assurances of his love and forced herself to speak once again.

“Mmmm, Raelyse? Raelyse, please, I w-want your hands...your lips...all...all over me...please?”

A deep moan rose from within her, arching her back into him as he quietly obliged her. She had never dreamt that such a soft, gentle touch could bring such incredible pleasure. Her arms tightened around him as her already heavy breathing became even heavier. She moaned his name in his ear as she writhed pleasurably beneath him. Yet still, it was not enough.

“Ohh...Raelyse...” she gasped out, her voice husky with desire, “I can’t take much more...make love to me...please?” Her voice was barely a whisper in his ear as she pressed her body close to his, longing for more of his kisses and his touch. A soft moan escaped her lips as he crossed the tender threshold that none other had ever crossed before and at the same time took her to whole other world of pure pleasure she had never known existed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jasmine woke slowly to the sound of a small songbird singing outside. For a brief moment, she lay perfectly still, trying to figure where she was and why. Slowly, without moving her body, she looked around the room, then relaxed. The warm body next to her, breathing the slow, deep breaths of sleep, was Raelyse. She was in his room and his bed. Everything was just fine.

Softly, she kissed his naked chest, then snuggled closer to him. The previous night had been the most wonderful night of her life. Closing her eyes, she dropped off to sleep again, feeling warm and safe in Raelyse’s arms.

[Raelyse]

When the sun rose, it was unobstructed and its full power shone onto the eyes of the still sleeping Raelyse Salidan, waking the prince up instantly. He blinked a few times to wake himself up, before cursing softly to himself at being waken up now. Then, something cheered him up. A fragrant smell emanating from somewhere nearby quickly stole his attention and he twisted his head in its direction, just a few centimeters away from his face, was a tuft of messy and unkempt black hair. The fragrance was a mix of two different types of deodorant, one for a male and one for a female. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his legs still entwined with her's. Her body was facing the other direction, her body protected from the sunlight, ensuring she stayed in her sleep.

The prince laid back down, running his hand along her naked stomach, feeling how soft it was. Last night had been a wonderful night for Jasmine but for Raelyse, it had been a night. A night of gain on his part. Jasmine was his now and there were few things that he could do to change that, she would be his for the rest of his life and the rest of her's as well. He suspected by her composure before that she was still in love with him, despite all the things that he had done to her. Now, he knew for a fact that she was still in love with him. A few touches and her clothes were off.

Raelyse leaned forward and kissed her forehead, taking in the smell of the two colognes mixed together. Now that they were in his fortress of Erebus, she could be with him here forever.

This was just too perfect.

[Letho]

General notes: First off, this is my first judging so bear with me. Now that we have that out of the picture, I’ll say that while this was an interesting quest that flowed rather easily and moved with an obvious purpose, that purpose was a bit too obvious and in the end it would up looking a tad rushed. I’ll keep the specifics for the rubric, but generally both of you know how to tell a story well, even though there is always room for improvement. I may sound a bit too much of a critic, but I will try to point out to the flaws in your writing, because that’s the only way to improve. Anyways, onto the rubric...


INTRODUCTION – 5

This felt a little bland to me, lacking certain essential components. No explanation was given on how Jasmine got herself in the pickle, being caught by the slavers and brought to Erebus. The history between Raelyse (which was basically the foundation of this entire quest) was left rather vague by both of you and I had to pick up the pieces from the later posts to understand what went on between them on the night in Moriah. Perhaps it was intentional, but keep in mind that chances are that an average reader, myself included, will have no knowledge of prior endeavors by your characters. Other then that, you set the stage rather nicely, together with your characters and their current states of mind.

SETTING – 6

I thought scoring this lower, but in the end, despite the descriptions not being too elaborate, they did the trick. Raelyse, you introduced Erebus fairly well and I found little trouble imagining the archetype royal setting with ornamental swords, lofty carpets and rooms far too large then they should be. However, when it came to what I can only imagine as the courtyard of Erebus (where the slaves were brought), I had a hard time depicting the environment in my head. Jasmine, I would like to see a bit more setting from you in the future. It doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) a two-page litany about what the room looks like, but if you elaborate on the environment, it would be easier for the reader to imagine your character in it.

STRATEGY – 0/0 (Character out of 20 due to the nature of the quest)

WRITING STYLE – 6

Jasmine, you have a rather concise style and that is always nice to see. However, as always, there is concise and then there is too concise. You say what is needed to be said to advance the story, but there is sometimes little panache in the way you say it. Also, try to avoid using the same phrase too often. In a span of a couple paragraphs (at the end of post #9 and in the middle of post #11) you mentioned that the dress fit like a glove twice in exactly the same words. In your last post you mentioned that her voice was “husky with desire” twice as well. While it’s not a bad way to depict it, repetitiveness can give out an air of lack of inspiration. Try to keep an open mind towards various different phrases and metaphors that might describe the same thing. Other then that, you have a few typos here and there, but nothing too worrying.

Raelyse, your writing has a good flow to it and I had little trouble reading through even the more complex descriptions. However, on several occasions I noticed fragmented sentences that on their own sounded strange. For example: “Kneeling on the floor, his head bowed and staring at the intricate carpet designs on the floor.” On its own, this sentence really juts out unnecessarily. If it was a part of another or if you said that his head was bowed, then it would make more sense. Also, that sentence contains another flaw that I noticed here and there. You sometimes have the tendency to use the same word several times in the sentence. In this case it’s “floor”, and there are a couple of other instances when this occurs as well. Try to avoid this by using synonyms or avoiding the usage of the word completely. It adds to the flow of the writing. Other then that, and rare typos that happen to us all and get missed by the spellchecker, it’s all good.

RISING ACTION – 4

Again, while this flowed fairly well, it was going way too fast. Jasmine went from angry to tame in a flash (more on this in Character) and before you know it, they are doing it. I think that the shortness of the thread added to this, leaving very little room for any serious interaction that would slowly build up the tension and break any obstacles that might stand between the two. In short, it was a rollercoaster ride that came to the big plunge way too fast. Do try to flesh out the entire storyline a bit more next time around, explaining a bit more the emotions behind the actions and the reasons for them.

DIALOGUE – 5

This was done well, but nothing more then well. The communication with the NPCs was done in a realistic manner, the exchanges fitting the characters, but the interaction between Raelyse and Jasmine was rather superficial. I expected that there would be some serious talking after all the anger Jasmine displayed and I definitely expect that a smoothie such as Raelyse to win her over with something more then just a kiss and “I love you”. In the end, I think this too suffered from the too fast pace at which the story was moving.

CLIMAX – 6

Sex seems to be a rather common climax in the threads on Althanas, especially the ones involving a male and a female character. Or two females. Either way, while you did pull this off very well, it was rather predictable what was going to happen once Raelyse caught her wrists. The score isn’t higher because there was hardly any build up to the climax. Jasmine was thrown into the slammer, bathed and wound up in bed in very short time. However, the transition between them merely making out and actually getting down on it was done smoothly and gradually. If you treated that entire thread the way you did the bed scene, the score would’ve been much higher.

CHARACTER – 12/20

I made character out of 20 because I felt that character was what this thread was all about. However, while the story was focused mostly on Jasmine and Raelyse and the emotions between them, there were things that disappointed me here. For one, the way you described Jasmine during the first half of the thread, I was positive that she would tear Raelyse’s head off or at least tried to. That would’ve been in sync with her character. Kicking him in the nuts after he caught her hands would’ve been in sync with her character. Getting laid after a couple of kisses wasn’t. From what I gathered, he made her feel special in Moriah and then dumped her the other morning without saying a word. After two months of stewing on this, I would think that she would have somewhat of a grudge against him. So I guess what I’m talking about is consistency. And if you do step outside the box that is your character, there should be a plausible explanation for it and I regrettably found none.

With Raelyse I had a tough time understanding why he cared that much to woo Jasmine. A prick such as him seduced countless girls and that is certainly in sync with his character. However, Jasmine obviously meant something to him, though what I wasn’t so certain at the end of the thread. In the end, characters became slaves to the initial intent; to get them in bed.

Also, there is one thing that somewhat irked me. When you take a bunch of girls that were caught by the slavers, and you throw them into a dungeon, regardless of how nice it looked, I doubt they would be in the mood for jokes. Remember that NPCs are characters too and as small as their role is, they too need to be consistent and realistic.

COLCUSION – 4

There was hardly any from both of you. Even if you wanted to finish with them waking up next to each other, there had to be something that your characters felt after a milestone moment such as this one. Even Raelyse, who I thought would once again play the prick, failed to show some significant reactions to it, whether it was actual fondness towards Jasmine or his usual indifference. This only adds to the feeling that you two merely wanted to get the two together, and while such quests might be fun to write because of the inevitable sex scene, it does little in developing your characters and upgrading their story. In short, try to give more meaning to your quests, especially when it comes to the conclusion. When I read the last posts, I expect for the story to be finished with all the loose ends tied and with all the vagueness cleared.

WILD CARD – 6

It was a joyride for the two of you and a decent read in the end. I didn’t give a higher Wild Card because there was nothing really exceptional about the quest, but I haven’t gone lower with it either because it basically did what you wanted to do with it.


FINAL SCORE – 54

Congratulations!


Raelyse gains 1000 EXP and 100 GP
Jasmine gains 836 EXP (due to level difference) and 100 GP

[Thoracis]

Rewards Added!


Edit: Fixed Jasmine's EXP. Jasmine levels up to 3!