Ayithe Vs Busky

[Ayithe Solete]

The arena was still huge, although now old and many parts of it rotting and covered with moss. The large arena was still an impressive sight to see, it was over one thousand years old still stood as an impressive feature of the landscape. No one really came to the old arena anymore, so it was perfect for any two people to practice. The wind had died down to a minor breeze and the dust had begun to settle on the ground around the arena floor. The large arena platform was still there and Ayithe stood on the wooden markers that were marked the edge of the platform.

The rest of the platform was grit and sand with various rocks of different sizes scattered about the area. Ayithe stood in her normal attire, she had used these she hardly wore anything else. Being made from Darkling skin it was highly durable and it didn't wear down.

"Let me know when your ready, this will be good fun and practice." She shouted across to Busky.

A resent new friend she had made and into fighting as much as herself, Ayithe smiled across at him and stepped forward onto the arena floor highly confident of her own abilities she would relish the chance to fight someone she hadn't met before.

[HuskY]

Busky heard Ayithe shout "Let me know when your ready, this will be good fun and practice.".

Busky responded with: "Fun and practice huh? Well i guess you can look at it that way.. I've heard alot about you.. People say you are a great fighter.. Let's hope i'll even be practice for you.."

Busky made sure his armour and axe were into perfect shape, then entered the arena himself.. He walked around in a big cirkel.. Dissapearing out of Ayithe's view behind the big rocks that were scattered all over the arena, and reappearing after a few seconds..

Busky hoped it would give him the element of surprise..

Suddenly the wind made the dust on the floor of the arena fly into the air, it made the arena look like a pure dessert..

When the dust began to settle, Busky charged at Ayithe and attempted to strike Ayithe in her leg with the spike on the bottom of his axe..

Because of Busky's charge, the dust went up in the air again, blinding him..
When it began to settle, Busky looked at Ayithe, to see if his attack had succeeded.

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe smirked, she knew Busky wouldn't sit back and wait. Knowing full well she hadn't battled in some time it was more than just practice for her. There was no time for underestimating him but while he believed he was in for a challenge Ayithe would surely use that to her advantage. Being at an average size the arena wasn't the widest of plateforms to fight on and it was easy to make up ground.

Busky was quick to try move out of sight but Ayithe was aware of his movement, as he carelessly kicked the dust about giving away where he was moving. Gripping her diskblades she waited for his move, he charged like a raging bull towards her using the dust to cover his attack. Unable to see where he was swinging from Ayithe cartwheeled forward away from danger and slowly walked backwards as Busky came to a halt to inspect his surroundings. The dust around him began to settle but remained in the air giving him a almost illusional image.

"How do you plan to hit me while you cause all that comotion with your feet." Ayithe shouted to him while she backed off giving herself some ground in between to two. "You can barely see what your doing yourself never mind what i can see..."

Ayithe rubbed the floor, it was conciderably lighter than she had first thought and easy to kick up into the air. Being alot more light footed than Busky she wasn't going to be knocking up dust unless she needed to. Decidingto stop along side a rock Ayithe stuck one foot in a slight dip in the floor and she waited for his pounce once more.

[HuskY]

"Hmm... so far for using the dust to my advantage then..."
"Something in this area must be handy to use tho.."

Busky looked around to see if there was anything else then dust and stone..
But all he saw was rocks..

Right in front of him there was a small sized rock.. He took out his axe and said:

"Your turn to attack then, i made the first move.."
"Let's see if you are really as strong as they say.."

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe smirked again, she hadn't a clue in the world where he was getting his information from. As far as she was aware busky didn't know anyone she knew, but then again would anyone she knew have boosted her up like that.

"Well that depends, how strong did they say i am?" She said moving away from the large boulder beside her.

Ayithe never believed she was that strong but certainly a skilled fighter and it was pleasing to hear such nice impressions of herself. She took a step forward onto the loose ground and raised her right arm disk blade in hand to level with her head. Lowering her left arm to about her hip she Kept her feet one behind the other she approached him slowly from a sidewards stance, poised for any retaliation he may try to take. Keeping her eyes locked on his the few dust clouds created by the odd breeze weren't enough to distract her as she pressed forward until she stood within a meter of his position. Ayithe kicked the ground hard, dirt and dust flew up towards Buskys face in a distraction and immediatly after she arched a large low swooping swing at him. Comming from low down the brought the disk blade slicing upwards along his stomach and chest.

[HuskY]

Because of Ayithe kicking dust in Busky's face, he took a step backwards..
This step was enough to get out of reach from a leathal blow..

The edge of the blade hit his chestpiece and sprakles went flying everywhere.

Busky noticed that this was a good time to strike back, the dust was still everywhere but Busky knew Ayithe was right behind it..

He took his axe and made a big swing trough the dust, on the height of his stomach..

When the dust was setteling, Busky took some steps back to wait for Ayithe's counter move..
If she still could that is..

[Ayithe Solete]

The sound of the blade striking buskys metal almost screamed out as it ripped into his armour, the glancing attack wasn't enough to break into his chest but Ayithe made her point with it. Busky had been knocked backwards and Ayithe had placed herself within his reach, he almost roared as tried to retaliate and Ayithe's eyes searched the shadowy figure through the dust looking for his attack.

The large outswing from Busky came from Ayithe's right, seeing it late Ayithe ducked raising her disk blades in a linking motion and the axe crashed into them knocking Ayithe backwards. Ayithe dropped to the ground and landed flat on her back. Feeling a bit out witted Ayithe kicked out to give herself room from Busky as he stepped backwards. Flining herself to her feet she took a few steps backwards as Busky foolishly stood still waiting for her. Taking one final step she took the moment to attack from distance, Stretching out she jumped to build up some momentum and launched her first disk blade at Busky, with hardly any room inbetween them and a standing target Busky had made himself to what Ayithe believed as easy target.

[HuskY]

Busky heard the blade flying trough the air.. It made a slight zooming noise..
Busky tried to crouch to dodge it, but it was too late..

The blade hit him right on his left shoulder..
It sliced right trough the thick metal, cutting Busky's shoulder with a deep wound..

Busky screamed from the pain, and took of his left shoulderpad and threw it on the floor..

"Damn that hurt! Nice work... I didn't think you would be able to cut so far trough my armour.. It seems i've underestimated your Blades a bit.."

"My turn again.."

Busky took a moment to regain his strenght, and flicked up a medium sized rock, and hit it with his axe, catapulting it into Ayithe's direction.. It was going straight for her chest..

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe watched carefully, her disk blade had ripped into his left shoulder rendering his left arm almost useless, the wound was deep fortunately for Busky his armour had stopped it from being even worse. He cringed from the pain unwillingly pulled the disk blade out from his shoulder. Throwing the disk blade to the ground he threw what was left of the shoulder guard with it. Ayithe knew she could have moved but the extent of the wound made her pause, she wasn't use he would carry on, yet to her shock he didn't drop.

Busky had managed to turn a random stone into a projectile, unaware of what he was going to do with it Ayithe failed to move as it crashed into her chest.

"Ouch!" Ayithe shouted out as the stone struck her on her upper chest, it was enough to knock Ayithe onto her back foot with a nasty sting yet she remained stood and glared at him irritated. She felt her chest inspecting the minor cuts the rock had grazed onto her, slowly a bit of blood pushed its way to the surface and her skin turned red with a slight bruise. Ayithe's eyes turned straight back to Busky. Ayithe approached him slightly quicker than before and she gripped her remaining disk blade and it began to glow as she stared deep into his eyes. The disk blade quickly encased its self in a purple aura and Ayithe's eyes almost lit up with a purple haze as she preceded to pickup her pace towards him.

Ayithe chucked her second disk blade into the air above Busky and let it glide within the wind as purple flames burst out and fired everywhere as the disk spun over head height trying to grab his unwanted attention. Ayithe turned her run into a midair cartwheel drawing out her two swords from beneath her Bracelets and she landed aggressively in a slicing attack across Busky.

[HuskY]

Busky got a bit distracted by the Disk blade floating in mid air..
He looked back a tAyithe and saw her charging towards him..
Busky tried to dodged the attack, but the 1 of the blades hit him in his shoulder again, the pain was so intence it make him kneel, He was right in from of Ayithe, and he rushed up, bashing Ayithe with the spikes on his shoulder.

"Damn you!" He shouted while he stood back up..
He tackled Ayithe, making her fall to the floor, and ran back..

Busky started casting his Divine Protection..
A blue hazed shield surrounded him..
It looked pretty much like an Orbe..
The Orbe looked like it was protecting him from harm..
The dust around him started flying up again cause of this..
It looked like a smoke screen..

After the Aura protected him, He started casting his Holy Light spell, to heal the wound in his shoulder a bit..

It didn't heal it totaly, but it eased the pain a little, making it easier to wield his Axe again..

"Thats better.. Let's continue.."

The dust began to settle again, giving the 2 fighters room to engage the duel once more..

Busk ran to a nearby rock, It was big enough to hide behind..

He jumped on the rock and jumped into Ayithes direction..
He took out his Axe and attempted to hit Ayithe once more..

The blue haze of the Orbe still surrounded him, and it made the dust fly up everywhere

[Ayithe Solete]

The sudden Charge had caught Ayithe off guard, it had been a quick exchange of attacks and Busky had desperately tried to give him self space from Ayithe before she struck again. She hit the ground hard, the soft layer of sand made little difference to her landing and Ayithe bumped the back of her head on the ground. Her eyes blurred slightly for a brief moment as her opponent stepped back and hastily healed his wound as best he could. It was causing him a lot of pain and the sure weight of his surrounding amour must not of been helping as it pulled down on him constantly while he moved about.

Ayithe leant forward onto her knees as Busky stood back up now with a surrounding orb, going to stand a stinging arose from Ayithe’s hip, two small gashes had appeared and Ayithe grit her teeth as she stood back up again. Retracting her swords she quickly rubbed the back of her head as Busky moved to the large rocks again. Ayithe rubbed her eyes and grabbed her Disk blade back from the clipping on her belt. Spotting the other covered in blood, it was lay on the ground not far from her and slowly she advanced towards it carefully keeping an eye on her surroundings.

Heh, I kinda like this loose sand...

Ayithe had quickly spotted the obvious, the orb Busky had used to protect himself was flicking up dust everywhere. Again Busky had tried to evade carelessly forgetting about his surroundings and giving away his position. Still being rather quick, he pounced over the top of the rock and leapt down upon Ayithe who now stood waiting. Ayithe quickly dropped into a roll as Busky came crashing down into the ground with his axe. Missing her by inches he landed right behind her and Ayithe wasted no time to retaliate. Standing and stepping backwards she spun and struck into the large orbe with her Disk blade. The orbe collapsed immediately yet Ayithe bounced off it with the sudden shunt and had to regain her footing as she almost fell backwards.

[HuskY]

Busky used Ayithe's attempt to hit him in his advantage, because of the orbe collapsing she lost her footing, making her an easy target for a quick strike!

Busky's shoulder still hurt, but it was bareable because of the spell he used..
It still bleeded a bit, but it wasen't as bad as before..

Not affected by Ayithe's attack cause of the orb, Busky made a quick spinning rotation, swinging his axe around into Ayithe's direction again at the hight of her waist.. He used the weight of his axe to spin even faster, making it a powerfull attack..

Busky did his best to make sure this attack would hit!

[Ayithe Solete]

((Minor bunnying approved by Busky))

Ayithe still stumbled carelessly after the clash, her own mistake knowing full well it was a defensive attack. Busky landed with a loud thud and quickly spun swinging his axe out wide before Ayithe's footing was corrected. She could only watch as she continued to fall backwards and the huge axe sliced across in front of her. Her eyes tensed and gritting her teeth she crashed into the sandy arena floor. Closing her eyes, she carefully moved her right arm along her hip. The pain was intense and Ayithe clenched the slice along her hip with her hand. She could feel the blood trickle between her fingers and taking a deep breath to control the urge to scream out she clipped her disk blade to her belt.

This is the problem with being so predictable...

Ayithe already knew Busky would stop to check his strike, he had already done so after each attack before and Ayithe preyed on it. Waiting to hear his foot steps the only other thing on her mind was her new gash. Feeling highly agitated while her pumped blood into the wound to heal it she slowly calmed herself down as his steps came along side her. Ayithe opened her eyes and there he was, just as she had predicted, checking out the damaged he had caused as if she were his prey. Unaware of her fully conscious mind she sat up and violently grabbed his weapon with her blood covered hand, desperately pulling him towards her on the ground. Without giving him time to spare she pulled back her arm as the blade released from her bracelets and forcefully stabbed her sword at his chest.

[HuskY]

Busky's armour just ripped apart because of the powerfull stab..
The sword went straight trough it, as if it was made of wool..
The sword went deep into his chest, and blood came flowing out, covering Ayithe's sword with it..

After Ayithe had pulled out the sword, Busky droped on his knee's and put his hand on the deep wound..
His hand quickly got covered in blood and he took his hand off to look at it..

His vision was starting to blur, and all he could see what red all over ..
Busky looked up at Ayithe and said:

"Damn... That hurt.. You deffinatly are a good fighter.. I was so foolish ... even thinking.... i would have a chance beating you.."

"So... I guess it ends here?.. I take my loss.. You win..."

Right after he said that, Busky blacked out and fell on the dusty floor..
He had lost alot of blood, and the dust below him wasn't brown anymore..
It was covered in Busky's blood, and it had a dark red collor..

Suddenly everything was quiet again in the Arena..
No more sharp noises of swords and armour..
No more battlecries..
Nothing.. All you could hear was the wind..

He was still breathing, the sword must have missed his lungs and hearth by inches..
Busky came back to his sences a bit, and pushed himself up again..

He was crouched on 1 knee, looked up at Ayithe again a tear rolled over his cheeck as he said:

"I... Need help..."

Busky blacked out again and fell over, landing on his back..
Hoping Ayithe would forgive him from the pain he had caused on her and help him to survive this..

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe immediately fell back, Busky may have been taken down but Ayithe failed to move. Breathing heavily she stared up into the sky, a few dark clouds were starting to hover and within so much time it would start to rain. She clutched her wound again and forced herself to sit up, slowly dragging herself to the nearest rock. Although the wound hadn’t proved to be fatal it was painful enough and deadly enough to keep her from moving about like she wanted. Right about her hip the top of his axe had sliced through effortlessly hadn't she of lost her footing may have been a different story. Busky spoke before falling backwards, his words discreet and jittery as the realisation of his wound sunk in.

"You could have beaten me..." Ayithe replied laying her back against the hard rock. "You did, but I noticed your obsession to check on your attack. I deceived you...You do what you will to survive..."

Ayithe pushed up with her legs using the rock for stability as she stood up straight and she moaned out as her wound got twisted and pulled. She stepped across to Busky and leant over him, watching as his eyes flickered into darkness and closed. He had blanked out and Ayithe smiled to herself as she stood the victor once more.

"You wait here...I shall be taking a trip to the old medical room, fortunately for us it still exists..." Ayithe said silently knowing he couldn't hear her as she limped across the arena.

[INDK]

I have to wonder, did this battle end as you intended it to? The ending really seemed awry. I really felt like the end was just far too abrupt.

Ayithe Solete

Total Score= 36 Not bad. There were some good areas, some areas that were considerably weaker.

Introduction – 5 Size would lead me to believe the introduction was poor. However, the introduction had context, reason and past history in it. Granted, each one could have been elaborated on a bit more, but you did hit all the essentials of an introduction. Description here would have made it considerably more appealing. As it was, it didn’t seem like a battle that would be particularly noteworthy or interesting. Imagine your introduction as a “free sample” you are offering your reader in order to get them to read more.

Setting – 3 I liked the way you incorporated things like the sand being softer than any other kind of landing. However, you could have done more in this area. Lastly, the medical center in the end really seemed like a deus ex machina.

Strategy – 6 I liked when Aiythe went to show her strength in order to depict her prowess. It wasn’t a move of “good strategy” in a tactical sense, but it was a realistic move. That gets you extra credit in my book. Most particularly, I like the way that Aiythe learned in this battle, it made the climax a bit better than average.

Dialogue – 4 It was functional only in the most basic sense. Dialogue can be used to convey a lot more than the text that a character is speaking. Hesitations, word choices, interruptions… all of those say something about a character too. As do motions.

Character – 2 This was very limited. I don’t really feel I learned much of anything about Aiythe.

Rising Action – 4 The learning offered some semblance of progress during this battle, but not nearly enough.

Climax – 5.5 See my comment in strategy.

Conclusion – 0 I don’t really feel like this thread was resolved at all. Yes, Ayithe won. However, the way you ended your last post made me think that there should be some kind of reconciliation at the end or something.

Writing Style – 3 I suggest being more careful about what you incorporate from your opponent. For instance, in your second post, you said Ayithe was glad that Busky wasn’t one “to sit back and wait.” However, Busky had gone through a whole routine of checking his armor, his weapons, doing a whole bunch of things that pretty much seemed like waiting. In your next post, you coordinated your strategy to his dialogue. These two posts show how much reaction matters. To say something that contradicts the previous post really throws the reader off. Using what your fellow reader does gives the thread continuity. Spellings were occasionally an issue as well.

Wild Card – 4 This thread seemed more like it was written just for the sake of writing a hack and slash. That is all well and good, and in some ways, applying this rubric may not reflect your intentions. However, what you should aspire to write is not a hack and slash, but an action packed scene. In a good story, you don’t just care about the character because they’re the protagonist. You like the protagonist.

Spoils=

Husky

Total Score= 24 You do need some improvement if you want to become a better writer. Even if you just want to be a better battler, you need to find ways to think more strategically.

Introduction – 1 The introduction brought me into the action without any context. I know Aiythe wanted to train with her friend Busky. What about Busky? Who is he? Why did he come to the Citadel? Why should I care?

Setting – 3 There was some setting here. However, the fact that you made it seem so infinitely malleable was a problem.

Strategy – 1 Timing was an issue here at times. Take a look at your introductory post…


Busky made sure his armour and axe were into perfect shape, then entered the arena himself.. He walked around in a big cirkel.. Dissapearing out of Ayithe's view behind the big rocks that were scattered all over the arena, and reappearing after a few seconds..

Busky hoped it would give him the element of surprise..

Suddenly the wind made the dust on the floor of the arena fly into the air, it made the arena look like a pure dessert..

When the dust began to settle, Busky charged at Ayithe and attempted to strike Ayithe in her leg with the spike on the bottom of his axe..

Because of Busky's charge, the dust went up in the air again, blinding him..
When it began to settle, Busky looked at Ayithe, to see if his attack had succeeded.

This was particularly elaborate preparation for a strike. Ayithe, if she is remotely rational, would be doing something to counteract you far before your storm was created (perhaps even go for a cheap shot if she wasn’t your friend). At the very least she would have told Busky to stop goofing around and start the battle.

Also, I’m not even sure what he accomplished by his whole plan there.

Dialogue – 4 See Aiythe’s comment.

Character – 2 See Aiythe’s comment.

Rising Action – 3 There needed to be some continuity here. Tell me more about how previous posts affect later posts. That is a good way to start gaining some continuity. A correct balance has to be made so as to not sacrifice brevity, but you have to be careful.

Climax – 5 I like the way you sold the final hit. It was well done.

Conclusion – 0 See Aiythe’s comment.

Writing Style – 2 There were a lot of spelling mistakes, and your paragraphs were largely too thin. Formatting is something you should look at.

Wild Card – 4 See Aiythe’s comment.

Spoils=

Aiythe Solete gets 344 EXP and 50 GP
Busky gets 50 EXP and 50 GP

[Thoracis]

Rewards Added!