Don't Take It Too Personally

[Madyrn]

Madyrn entered the Peaceful Promenade with an accompanying breeze that followed him in, pushing straight strands of his golden hair over his shoulders. The door shut as quickly as it had opened, and he ran a slender-fingered hand through the locks, repairing the damaged hairdo.

He surveyed the tavern floor quickly, not wanting to linger by the door too long and call too much attention himself. An elf with snowy skin and long, golden hair with eyes to match, Madyrn often received attention he did not necessarily seek. Moving briskly, like an elf would, he swerved about a table to take one of two empty seats around it. An amber candle burned on its surface, providing one of only a few sources of light, for the windows were of a similarly-colored glass that blocked the sun well.

Naturally, the rogue had not a copper to pay for food or drink. He was as poor as the day he was born, and with no potential for honest work - well, as honest as assassination and mercenary work could be - on the horizon, the elf was looking to score big at the Peaceful Promenade.

A waitress approached, but the handsome elf dismissed her with a wave of his hand. He pretended to peruse a menu, but watching carefully the movements of the staff, unsure of how he would begin striking up a conversation about how the place operated.

He exhaled a long breath out of his nose and looked across the room, hoping to catch the eye of some dashing woman, somewhere.

[Iras Sarwing]

The Peaceful Promenade read the sign of the tavern that stood before Iras. Even though she had lost most of her memories, she still knew that the best place to find information about anything was the local tavern. However, she knew she would get noticed right upon entering with her long blue hair. The sword strapped to her waist would probably also get noticed, which would hopefully throw off some of the drunks from flirting with her. With a sigh, she opened the door.

The smell of alcohol and food blasted Iras’ nostrils and she instinctively flinched. She never understood why people drank alcohol as it had such a terrible smell and taste. Quickly scanning around, Iras found an empty seat at a table of an elf that also seemed to stand out from the crowd. Seeing as the elf wasn’t drunk and seemed to be looking at the menu, she decided to approach him.

“Mind if I sit here?”

[Madyrn]

A momentarily lapse in awareness had allowed Iras to approach unseen by Madyrn. He was ready to issue a dismissal, not one harsh enough to draw too much attention, when he looked up and saw her for what she was.

Elves were generally beautiful, and Iras was no exception. Not exceptionally tall for her race, the elf looked every bit the innocent Raiaeran songstress. He would have never guessed her prowess with her sword, nor the magic she possessed. Madyrn, with just the correct amount of glimmer in his golden eyes, nodded and placed his menu against the table, beckoning her to sit.

It wasn't uncommon for him to be approached, but it was usually by a bold human rather than a reserved-looking fellow elf. Keeping steady contact, Madyrn crossed his legs and leaned just slightly back. "The comfort of a fellow Raiaeran," he said in their native language, "is only better when such beauty is included."

He smiled at that, a playful grin that showed he knew just how hammy a line it was. He summoned the waitress and ordered a bottle of fine Raiaeran wine - why not? He wasn't paying anyway.

Sticking to the elven dialect, he continued. "What business have you in the land of the humans, maiden? To teach the song, perhaps?"

[Iras Sarwing]

Having been told that she could sit without offending the elven male, Iras quickly sat onto the chair. Instinctually, her right hand laid upon the hilt of her sword. After a moment, she consciously moved it away and sat her hand on her lap instead. After a few moments, her elven ‘companion’ began to speak. Surprisingly to her, the language he spoke in was one she was very fluent in. Smiling slightly at the obviously overused line, Iras took a closer look at the male sitting near her. Not only was his hair out of the ordinary, his eyes had the same color as his hair. This intrigued her a bit but she didn’t really have time to think about it since she was then asked a question onto why she was here.

“Well,” she began in the elven dialect, “to tell the truth, I don’t even know where I’m at. Nor do I know this, ‘song’ you speak of.” Iras then explained on how she came to this place from a summoning circle and how all she can remember before that is utter darkness and a laugh.

“…and, then I came here to figure out more about this place.”

Iras then waited for the reaction from her ‘companion’. It was a bit of a story, but the way she saw it, there was no need to lie when the truth was almost unbelievable anyways.

[Madyrn]

Madyrn was a multitasker of immense skill, but one of his skills that surpassed even that, was his ability to observe things in his peripheral vision. Appearing every bit focused on Iras as she spoke, the elf also observed the table behind her as a couple left, leaving their payment on the table. Their waitress retrieved it, and after quickly picking up the dishes and wiping the wooden surface, retreated back behind the bar.

Now, it was obvious enough that money was cycled back behind the bar, but where it go from there? They could have a safe in that location, but surely that wasn't where they kept any big bucks. He would have to continue observing.

In the meantime, he gave a perfectly limited, confused look at Iras's words. "An elf from outside of Raiaera? You have no knowledge of Song Magic, of the worldwide fame of the Raiaeran Bladeslingers? Not Eluriand?"

Though his words might have seemed insulting, the look on Madyrn's face was the perfect imitation of acceptance, if such a thing could be portrayed visually. "We're currently in Underwood, a minimalist and unimportant city in human land. Lumber trade is the only economy, really. You must see Eluriand, if you've never had the chance."

"As for me," he said, accepting the bottle of wine as it was brought to him. "I travel and observe the different peoples of our world. An anthropologist, you could say - and I document what I learn. Underwood is merely my stop on the way to Orkon."

Though he was lying, Madyrn gave away none of the signs that would give him away. His eyes didn't so much as flicker, nor did his voice waver. In fact, the slight smile he gave was just the type one offered when detailing their work for the hundredth time. He unhooked the strap which held his kukri on his chest and carefully draped it over his seat, uncorked the bottle and poured the blue liquid into two empty, fine glasses.

Offering a toast, the elf's eyes met Iras's over the candlelight. "To new acquaintances," he declared, and took a shallow sip of the sweet liquor. It didn't so much as tickle his throat, so used to it was he.

[Iras Sarwing]

Iras tried to listen to the man’s words as he spoke, but something kept bothering her. Her ‘friend’ accepted her story a bit too easily. She caught the phrase of Song Magic and Bladeslingers, even the fact that she should see Eluriand, but for the most part, she was too withdrawn into thinking to really notice his words. Why would he accept her story so readily? As she pondered this, he poured the wine and after a moment, realized that he was offering a toast.

Trying to hide her disdain for alcohol, she took the glass of wine poured for her. “To new acquaintances,” she echoed and she took a small sip of the wine, shuddering as it passed through her throat. Looking up after shuddering, she looked into her acquaintance’s eyes. After a brief moment, her gaze seemed to pierce completely through the elf, but it happened so fast that one would think they imagined it.

Well, might as well try to get a bit more information about this world. Even if this guy does seem to accept the unbelievable.

“So… you travel and observe people? Can you tell me a bit more about the places here? Maybe even explain this ‘Song Magic’? I would love to see it in action, but…”

Iras perked her gaze up at the man as she purposefully dragged her sentence to an end. She was hoping that this man would be more then willing to show off some Song Magic if he knew any. If he didn’t, or if he was able to resist her charm, it wouldn’t bother her. Though she was curious about what it was, she figured she would see it eventually. Seeing it from a ‘friend’ first though would help her prepare if someone would want to use it against her.

[Madyrn]

Iras' distance was mildly perplexing, but nothing Madyrn had not encountered before. If her story was to believed, the woman was a victim of some strange summoning or teleportation. The elf had enough experience in magic to understand that any kind of spell might have put her in a state of delirium... But he was already thinking far too much about this female than he wanted to be.

Her suggestion, obvious as it was, presented him with a method to his theft, however. The gears in his head were turning, creating a plan that was either too simple, too easy, or impossible. He smiled at her, cocked his head with intrigue. Of course he couldn't sing any of the Song Magic spells that he knew, for any of them would cause a result that he didn't want at that moment, but he could certainly oblige Iras.

"Places are just areas, sections of the world where figures roam. I much prefer to talk about the Song, so beautiful is it, and a creation entirely of the elves." He drank the remainder of his wine and sat straight up in the chair. "My spells are limited, few in number and lacking in beauty for they are short. However, they teach small dwoemers in the schools of magic."

With that, he began to sing, loudly enough for those nearby to hear. The words with an archaic form of Elvish, a language not even Madyrn understood, but the words weren't what was important. As he sang, the people around slowly grew quieter as a collective focus centered on him. Then, on the table before him, spawned a blue crystal that exuded a bright blue light. With that, his song ended, and Madyrn's swift hand caught the object before it toppled over.

A loud applause followed, for most humans did not witness Song Magic in this regard. Most elves who trained in it went on to become Bladeslingers in Eluriand, Raiaera's capital city, and those who traveled didn't feel the need to impress their hosts. Nevertheless, this was the result the elf wanted, and he threw the crystal down to the ground where it exploded into a rainbow vapor that dissipated quickly.

"This is a very primitive, basic form of Song Magic. The most powerful can topple buildings, raise the dead, or cause any number of effects. It is beautiful and potent, a truly dangerous combination."

Before he could reflect on his amusing wording, the bartender was at their table, placing two bowls of spiced, roasted potatoes in front of each elf. "I don't know if you understand me, but we like your singing! Anytime you want to, just break out into song, haha!"

Madyrn smiled wide and accepted the generosity, saying "Thank you for your thanks, your hospitality here is deserving of far more payment!"

The words made his insides curl, but Madyrn's outer, physical shell showed no sign that his heart was so black. "The benefits are more than worth the time spent learning the Song, as you can see," he said, reverting to Elvish once more. "But back to what you were saying - where do you go from here? Have you a destination, or is this humble tavern just a diversion for you on your way to nowhere?"

[Iras Sarwing]

Iras couldn’t help but smile when her ’companion’ decided to demonstrate this Song Magic. As he sat up straight, Iras moved her hand slightly on her lap so it was brushing against the handle of her blade. Even though she didn’t think he would try anything too dangerous in a public setting, she couldn’t help but be prepared in case something happened.

With the growing focus on her table pal, she couldn’t help but glance around at the faces in the room. They all seemed to be becoming hypnotized by the song the other elf was singing. Iras watched carefully as her companion’s song made a crystal and after he was done he broke it on the ground in a flashy show.

Only a primitive form of Song Magic? This sounds like it’s a very powerful magic. Shame I don’t think I’ll be able to use it…

Iras smiled after her companion finished speaking, but couldn’t reply because the bartender took that moment to deliver some food to their table. As soon as Iras looked down at the roasted potatoes, her stomach growled. With a sheepish grin, she began to eat the food offered to her. When her companion spoke to her again, she swallowed the bite she had in her mouth before answering.

“Well, I really have no destination. I have no idea where anything is here.”

After she spoke, she took another bite of her potato before she continued speaking.

“So, as to your suggestion of seeing this… Eluriand. How would I go about to find this place?”

[Madyrn]

The potatoes served their purpose, steaming with warmth as Madyrn bit deep into one of them. He had lain out the framework for his plan, now he just needed to kill some time. Convenient that he'd found the elf.

"Eluriand's the largest city in Raiaera. As an elf, you'd have no problem gaining access to it. There's a port in this very city that will get you a boat to the city's harbor, for about fifty gold pieces."

He poured himself another glass of wine, sipped it, and set down the glass carefully. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a pair of men leave the tavern.

"The schools of magic may take you in. You can study evocation spells, healing spells, whatever suits your desires. If nothing else, it can provide you with a diversion while you decide what to do next."

Madyrn was growing impatient now that he knew his plan, but he hid it perfectly well. His elven companion was brief and lacking spunk, which made waiting all the more difficult, but it wouldn't be long now. Perhaps she would be the sacrifice he needed before he put his theft into motion.

"What else do you remember?" he wondered, his angelic voice sounding genuinely interested.

[Iras Sarwing]

Iras listened as her companion spoke again of Raiaera. With it being an elven city, Iras made a mental note that she should visit the place as soon as she could. Although, as she thought this something inside her made her feel she wouldn't fit in as well as her companion was saying she would. When she was asked if she remembered anything else, Iras began to think hard and bit her lip.

"Well, nothing really. Only darkness and a laugh. I haven't heard the laughter since I came here though."

Iras popped the last bit of her potato into her mouth after she spoke. After she swallowed it, she spoke again.

"I have a quick question for you. That crystal you summoned with that... 'Song Magic', what does it do beside turn into dust? Surely it has some other effect then to look pretty."

As Iras asked this question, her eyes again seemed to pierce into her companion across from her. She couldn't recall seeing any spell used just for show without some other purpose behind it.

[Madyrn]

Perceptive, thought the elf.

"It's a very basic spell, not even worth the time to learn. The dust from the shattered crystal is somewhat cool, so you can put out a candle with it, but naturally," he said, blowing out a quick breath, "it's not all that useful."

From the corner of his eye, Madyrn watched as a particular waitress checked the clock. She was the one he had observed earlier, who had gone into the safe behind the counter. She held a key to the storage device, he knew, a detail the elf was careful to remember.

The time was drawing closer, he felt. Soon he would need to dismiss his companion, but without any peculiar hints.

"I forget the price of a room here," he said with a yawn. "But I should look into it fairly soon. The more time passes, the less power my eyelids have to remain open."

[Iras Sarwing]

If it wasn't worth it, I don't think you would have learned it...

Iras knew that he wasn't telling the whole truth, but to be honest she didn't quite care. Her main concern was if it was harmful and if it was, he wouldn't have been near where the dust landed. Shortly, she heard her companion mentioning the price of a room and she suddenly remembered, she had no money for this world.

"Well... if you are tired, I shall take my leave then. I've no coin so I can't pay for a room, but it won't be the first time I've spent the night under the stars." Besides, my main purpose for coming in here was for information on where this place was.

With those words, Iras got up to take her leave. Even though it was kind of quick, it was exactly the same way she had entered the tavern. Plus, she wanted to get out of the smell of the tavern and back into the fresh air away from the drunks.

[Madyrn]

Iras left Madyrn's life as swiftly as she had entered, briskly walking through the door and back onto a breezy road. The elf was done eating, done thinking; only action remained.

He watched with interest as that particular waitress snatched clothing from behind the counter and started to go upstairs. Her shift was over, presumably, and she was off to change. Madyrn rose and followed her, his graceful steps were silent. Eyes watched him, but the song he'd sung was one of beauty - he gave off the image of a young, curious elf.

Silently he followed, watching the swaying hips of the human woman as she turned and entered one of the many rooms. Humming excitedly, nervously, Madyrn approached and abruptly turned the knob and entered.

She nearly shrieked, but caught it in her throat when she saw who it was. She was still dressed, having only begun to change. Her eyes, blue, looked him over curiously. He made no move to leave.

"I apologize," he said softly, eyes wet but firm. "Sudden company left me unable to do so, but I've wanted to speak with you since I arrived. We elves, we value beauty on a level of spirituality. At least, so say humans."

She hesitated, intrigued but wary. "What... are you saying? That I'm beautiful?" her eyes darted left, then right, but she smiled. "Thank you, but this isn't really an appropriate time."

He stepped closer. Her instinct was to retreat, but she only swallowed nervously. "I don't want to be appropriate with you." He said with a smile. From his mouth, even a line so crude dripped with sincere fascination. Madyrn's eyes worshiped her in a tangible way, and she felt it.

Sensing his window of opportunity leaving as the silence drew on, he took in a breath and began to sing of winter. Of the cold embrace of snow and the vague warmth of the sun through the clouds. She found it beautiful, naturally, even as her breath caught in her throat and his hand was suddenly over her mouth, preventing a scream.

She went limp, sliding off of his kukri and against his moving hand, which caught her to prevent the dead-weight thump. He still sang, but the song was suddenly over. Madyrn became translucent, nearly invisible in the dim light as he searched her.

Moving back down the stairs without making any noise was difficult, but the elf managed well. Not invisible, he needed to do all he could to avoid notice. Ducking and crawling, he sneaked along the area behind the bar, which had thankfully been left for the time being.

Slowly, carefully, he opened the safe there, pushing coins into an invisible pouch. The sounds of the tavern drowned out his own noises, and he closed it. Moving quickly he mounted the stairs, became visible, and sauntered down the steps. He left silently, save for the jingling of coins in his pouch.

It was sloppy, that he knew. It was unlike him to be so crude, but one couldn't live without gold. They couldn't pin the murder on the golden elf, after all - not without solid evidence. He would lay low until it became a non-issue anyhow, with intent to return to Salvar and seek more work.

[Breaker]

Don't Take it too Personally
Quest Judgement

This thread had some good aspects to it, but they really weren't taken advantage of, and it shows in the score. Still, good effort, and keep plugging both of you.

STORY

Continuity ~ 4/10. Madyrn did fairly well here, with his purpose hinted at then slowly evolving, which was a nice touch. Still, I would have liked a little more information on why he was in Underwood, a place he seemed rather disdainful of. Iras, you really need to work on this area. You glossed over any details that would have told me who she was or where she came from, or why she was there. I got that she was an amnesiac or something similar, but in that case you really should have provided what she did remember, such as where she woke up and why she arrived at that particular inn.

Setting ~ 5/10. Madyrn, you did well, but your descriptions really weren't all that original. So many threads have been done in the Peaceful Promenade that if you're going to RP here, it's important to find original ways to describe it. Iras, you started off okay, particularly with your character's distaste for the tavern's atmosphere, but you seemed to forget about the setting in your later posts. Remember that your character has five senses to work with at all times, and work on interacting with the setting to really bring it to life.

Pacing ~ 4/10. To be blunt, if this thread hadn't been so short it would have been pretty boring. As it was, it was a quick enough read, but not a whole lot happened. Madyrn, avoid leaving the main action of the plot to the last post. Iras, your character seemingly accomplished her task of learning where she was, but again, I didn't get a sense of how that was going to help her. This thread could have used a lot more detail.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 6/10. The dialogue for both of you was pretty passable, without being particularly fantastic. I really didn't like the part where Iras glossed over her backstory, and both of you came dangerously close to being cliche at times. Still, in general, I enjoyed the dialogue more than the other aspects of the thread.

Action ~ 3/10. How exactly did Madyrn's random burst of song in the middle of the pub help him? To me, it seems like all this did was get him noticed. Noticed in such a way that someone might go "hey, one of our servers is dead, where is that elf guy no one knows?". Besides that, the robbery just seemed way too easy. No one noticed a stranger sneaking around the counter and emptying the safe? And no one poked their head into the room where the waitress was changing when Madyrn burst into song in there? If you're not going to use realistic actions, it's best to keep violence and theft to a minimum, and focus on everyday actions. Speaking of everyday actions, Madyrn did okay in that area, again without being fantastic, but Iras was sadly lacking. Remember that the things your character does are as important as the things they say. For every line of dialogue, try to include some body language or trivial actions as well.

Persona ~ 6/10. Madyrn's persona was great, simply put. You could have taken him even farther in some places, but well done in this area. Iras, I barely got a feel for your character at all. Towards the end she seemed to develop a little emotion, but it was fleeting. Look to Madyrn here as a good example of how to improve this category, or check out some RP in the Judge's Choice forum.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 4/10. Both of you could benefit a lot from a few more literary devices, Iras especially, who didn't give me much at all. This would have been a five, but Madyrn, you had me all excited to see how your character would use Iras in his scheme, then he didn't. Try not to foreshadow such a significant event so strongly unless it's actually going to happen.

Mechanics ~ 5/10. Iras, you seem to have confused your syntax once or twice a post, and when your posts are so short, this will really hurt the score. Aside from that, you both did a decent job of avoiding the usual typos and such, but again, due to the short nature of the thread, the errors you did have hurt the score.

Clarity ~ 7/10. Despite the fact that very little happened, I wasn't too bored due to the brevity, and I only got thrown off a few times by Iras' syntax mistakes.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 5/10. Nothing stood out to me as fantastic, but I added an extra point here for the song magic, which was cool, even though this isn't Raiaera. I really think that with a bit more attention to detail and effort, the two of you could have pulled this score up.

TOTAL ~ 48/100.

EXP and GP Rewards

Madyrn receives 750 EXP and 200 GP
Iras Sarwing receives 350 EXP and 100 GP

Other Rewards

Madyrn receives a tin pitch pipe from a fan of his singing.
Iras receives a low-detail map of Corone that says "YOU ARE HERE" in big, friendly letters over Underwood, given to her by a concerned passerby. The map is enchanted to say "YOU ARE NOT HERE" when the owner is not in Underwood.

[Zook Murnig]

EXP/GP added!