Dusk vs the blademaster

[Kaiser]

((OOC: closed to The Blademaster))

The citadel again, she would not have thought she would be back here again, at least not so soon, She had stopped outside the grand structure looking up towards the point the sky met with the top of the building, the first time she had been here, she was too preoccupied with her own agenda to truly take a look at the place, now her smile was more than enough to make up for it. The last time she was here, she was put up against an interesting opponent; he was the kind of guy you would expect to become a hero when he grew up, he was still young, and still she cleaved him in half, that had sealed the fight and her victory. Dusk was allowed some time to reflect on the way she had defeated her opponent, it was so barbaric but she believed she had an answer now, when it came down to the crunch she suspected that she was mentally not afraid to do what it took to defeat her opponents, but the question she still asked herself was how could she kill so easily without regret, but then again he wasn’t really dead, not in the citadel, no he had already made it clear he would want a rematch, but this time it would be different.

She had sent out a challenge, and she had received a reply, quite quickly to, she had no idea what he opponent was going to be like, would they use a sword, spear, or would they prefer to use magic, would it be a he or a she?, Dusk was not going to find out by standing here thinking about it looking up at the sky, she levelled her head off and started to walk inside the citadel. It was how she remembered it, she could probably be able to picture it without the aid of her memory, so many people had come here seeking to battle, and never were they dissatisfied with what had been thrown at them, she could recall stories about this place before she had actually come here. Strangely it was darker than she had remembered, and had only glimpsed the strange decor when a monk was already upon her, now that’s what you call good customer service.

“Hello, would you like to issue a challenge or to accept one?” he asked, but Dusk could understand, she had not sent word that she would be coming here to carry out her challenge, “Ahh … well you see I already sent out a challenge, and I got a reply … whoever it is should know my name at least, there is a spare arena right?” she asked, dearly hoping that there was or this would all be for nothing. “There is always a spare arena here … by any chance do you know what kind of arena you would like to fight in” Dusk looked up placing a hand under her chin; it was actually a very good question. In her last battle her opponent had selected the arena, and for all that it was worth it was very flat, very dirty, and very boring. “Well I guess somewhere that really is not flat, so elevated ground is a must”. That was not all she wanted, again in her last fight the immediate danger was her opponent, she really needed something to shake things up, “And something dangerous too” she added and the monk asked if that was all, Dusk nodded her head, anything more and she would be working against herself too much. “I think there is an arena somewhere around here that should be to your likening” Dusk mentally shrugged, she truly was not bothered about what the arena was “Oh yeah before I forget, I want no ring outs … that’s just embarrassing” The monk stopped seeming to think for a moment “Hmm … well … yes I know one that will defiantly suit you “

Dusk followed again as the monk led her down a route she guessed he was not going to go down before, along the way she eyed each door, and wondered if a battle was happening within right now, and exactly how did this whole citadel thing worked. No matter what she could never get an answer for that, nor did she decide to ask the monk, it was better that she did not know, all she had to know was that dieing here did not mean forever. “In here please” Dusk nodded as the monk held a door open, and she stepped in.

---

Dusk was momentarily blinded and shook off balance, and not because of the strange sensation of entering through one of the doors, but because the arena itself seemed to roar out with her arrival. Dusk stepped back automatically, he skin was startled by the sudden rise in temperature, and all her eyes caught sight of was the white water flowing upwards in front of her. When it died she leapt backwards avoided the boiling hot water from falling on top of her, it was only now she was able to look around at her arena, it was dangerous all right, it was what she wanted, the ground shook with the constant activity, and half of the rocks looked like razor edges, cut by the constant hot gushing water. The ground shook louder causing to dusk to turn around, several feet away from her she could see the hot white water flowing upwards again, it appeared like it had been shot out of a jet, and the reason why?

“A geyser Field? They put my in the middle of a Geyser Field!” She said with frantic tones, the sky looked as white as the water, which also mimicked the slow moving mist that could not reach up to her ankles; this was made from the many cracks in the ground, from which steam escaped from. “I should have asked for a nice garden with flowers” she grumbled before leaving the immediate danger area for somewhere a little more safer, otherwise she would be tired from dodging the water long before her opponent arrived. Her discovery was pleasant … somewhat, a small rock formation in the middle of this sea of geysers, while not suitable to battle on, the geysers did not shoot there boiling contents upon it. Dusk leapt on looking back over the field sighing at what she had gotten herself in to, with a little luck her opponent however that may be will feel the same way when he … or she arrives.

[The Blademaster]

“Bloody monks…”

I was trapped, or so it seemed at least. The illusion issued a challenge by itself, without an opponent necessary. Around me gruff sprays of searing hot water launched into the air, random spasms sent the ground shaking, and filed rocks stood like a miniscule replica of The Blades. Overhead the water filled the sky in a thick mist, giving the illusion of a rather heavy fog. But the worst of it all was that it was hot.

A hand ran over my face, wiping the sweat as it quite literally flooded from my face. What I wouldn’t give for a glass of water, I had thought as I walked about. In both hands I already had my pistol-grip daggers. In my eyes I already had assumed a defensive and worried look. My light steps were deceiving, giving the illusion that I was calm and ready. Inside I was anything but.

“The hell if I ever—“

A geyser shot not but four feet from me. I launched myself away from it, spinning to allow the back of my duster take the blow. With my rather dexterous move came a comical ‘WHOOOA!’. I could only pray that my opponent had not entered yet. Unfortunately as soon as I turned, not feeling any water, I spotted her. HER! Oh my bloody luck.

“Another child,” I mumbled as I struggled my way towards the… woman I guess. She could not have been more then twenty years, but I suppose that was woman enough for humans. “Another fuckin’ child… why do I always draw children?”

But this one was different. The past was instantly labeled immature and nothing more then a mutant. The girl, she seemed to be a little more mature at least, and was definitely not human. Well, not human was based merely on her silver hair and claret eyes. Unfortunately that had been the exact same as Max, the ill-fated spellsword. I shrugged as I walked towards her, feeling ashamed at having to fight a girl of all people.

“Child!” I called, giving fair warning of my approach. “I suppose you are my opponent, if you are here, unless you just randomly got lost? No… I don’t suppose you got lost. Well then, my name is Nemian Troy. If you—what the fuck is that!”

From behind her a flicker, at first, caught my attention. I had shrugged it off trying not to stare past her and instead give her at least the interest due out of respect. However the second time it flickered I could not help myself. I had seen much more. It was a tail! My instant reaction was to scream at it and point. Later I would probably realize that it had been rude and rather uncalled for, but at the time there very little restraint keeping me from calling it out.

Why was there a tail behind the girl? Why did it twitch like it did? What kind of person, supposedly human, probably not, had a damned tail?! Is there anyone that claims to be a warrior on Althanas that is not some sort of freak?

[Kaiser]

His first word to her was the last thing she had ever hoped to hear, ‘child’ inwardly she groaned, it had been quite some time since someone had called her a child. didn’t he know that she was classed as an adult, infact she was near approaching her birthday, that reminded her, not only would it be her birthday, but the anniversary of the death of her mother. The thought sobered up her mind as she still sat there, looking at her opponent, it was not what she expected, but then again waiting for a 10 foot guy in black armour was not a fun thing to wait for, so her opponent was acceptable. He went on to ask if she was lost, Lost, who would come to this kind of place in the first place, the small rock formation she had found was indeed safe from the spewing hot water, if a little, and by the look of him she could guess that they shared a disliking to the monks for it.

Nemian Troy was his name as he spoke, he want on to say something else but stumbled in surprise by yelling pointing towards her, Kaiserin turned around without thinking looking back to see nothing, strange, she thought as she turned back not realising that he was referring to her tail.

“What? “She shook her head, dropping the strange outburst, and stood up on the rock, she had a vantage point here looking almost downwards at her opponent. “I am Kaiserin Nightwind, and I am your opponent in this joke of an arena” she said while holding her arms out, if Troy had not noticed it before, he would have now, Kaiserin looked completely unarmed. “Oh … by the way … I am not a Child, unlike my father I am very mature to” she corrected for Troy and also compared herself to her father, that information was very true, although her father was a talented fighter, he was too much of a laid back goof ball that could never take anything serious, Kaiserin must have taken after her mother, or something.

“When I asked for an arena, well this wasn’t what I had in mind … its overkill” she said wondering if her opponent was even listening, oh well time for the quick once over. He had a pair of interesting weapons, a pair of daggers with a strange curved hilt, oh wait, they were pistol handles, well that seemed, unique … she wondered if they functioned as guns too, she could not quite see from the distance. “All right then … let’s get started!” she announced throwing her left arm to the side, first a long light appeared, that was shortly followed by threads of light seemingly to come from her hand, weaving together quickly forming a sword. She gripped its hilt and swung it forwards holding the long sword in both of her hands with the tip pointing directly upwards.

Her sword looked like some sort of a dulled blue crystal, barely transparent but somewhat holy looking at a first glance, the hilt was covered with a unique looking guard, similar to those found on a rapier, the girth of the blade looked to by the same as her hand, but the length of the blade, now that was the eye catching part, the blade was easily the same size as its wielder, maybe just shorter. Kaiserin now grinned as she moved her right leg back lowering the sword so that it pointed in her opponent’s direction, she settled into her fighting stance, it was like she was daring for her opponent to come and attack her, her tail swinging in a similar motion.

“Well come on … I don’t want to look at the water show all day”

[The Blademaster]

Ah the intricacies of battle.

It seemed that each one went the same way on Althanas. The opponents passed their words, weapons were drawn, and nothing more was added. (That’s excluding, of course, my battle with the spellsword Max, who was quite literally a child that needed scolding at every turn.) Mentally I noted the name, Kaiserin Nightwind, and added the obvious attributes I could attach to the profile I would make later on her.

“What the…”

The woman seemed to hold firm to a form of magic in order to produce her weaponry. It was interesting, to say the least, and caught my attention. In her hand was formed a longsword, another one. I had seen the weapon before. It seemed that all weaker warriors held the longsword as their weapon of choice. Kaiserin was no different. An audible sigh escaped my pursed lips.

“A high guard, I see. I’ll keep it to the sides then. Watch the overhead slash, the downward diagonal slashes, and the arcing uppercut.”

Now that I think about it I have no clue why I verbally, though at a mere whisper, cautioned myself. It seemed the proper thing to do though. ‘Practice makes perfect’, as they say and I was one to follow them under most circumstances. (Who they are I’m unsure, but they are certainly rather wise.) I silently watched the woman’s form for another split-second. Daggers would not be the best to battle against the longsword, but it was better then battling without any weapon at least… right?

Ah, the challenge. It was issued, to be sure. Apparently it was not just humans that issued a warning challenge, or simply tried to coax their opponent into attacking. Humans with tails also gave challenges, or so it seemed. I was not one to remain aloof from combat though. I spun the blades on my fingers. It was a relatively easy task, requiring little more then momentum to keep them going. But it was rather impressive, showy, and often gave me at least a little more in the way of confidence.

“If you are too afraid to initiate combat with a person holding mere daggers I would be honored to begin it. Though you’ll always have it in the back of your mind that you couldn’t charge, with a longsword, against an opponent with only daggers…”

A smirk rose on my face. I would leave little more to thought. If there was some witty retort, which I had long since realized was only in storybook fights then I would not leave time for it. Kaiserin did not seem the type to come up with witty retorts anyway. My powerful legs propelled me quickly towards the woman. The daggers were still spinning on the ends of my fingers. My coat was open. The crimson satin lining added to the ostentatious charge, giving the illusion as if I was a lone charging general.

My first dagger stopped spinning just as I closed. The pristine blade gave a slight glint as another geyser blew to the side. It rose with my momentum to hold the blade overhead. If it was not given the momentum to fall, clashing far short of its intended destination, then it would be far easier to stop it. The second blade continued spinning. It spun like a circular saw as it arched across my body and directly for the gut of the girl. I held no expectations of it striking, to say the least. It seemed nothing went right to begin with. The attack was little more then a test of dexterity, strength, and quick wit necessary to battle.

[Kaiser]

What he had said was not true, not from her point of view at least, Troy had classed her sword and a ‘longsword’ interesting but she would have classed it as a smaller ‘great sword’ or just and oversized rapier, with this classification also came the reason she had not made the first move, previously, she had learned how open the first move could be, and that those defending, when given the opportunity had the chance of ending a fight after the first strike. That was her starting game at least; she braced herself gripping the hilt of her sword tighter. ‘ two weapons … That basically means that if he manages to block me he just might have more opening than I get … then again, how easy will it be to defend against a five foot blade when his hardly appear a foot long ’

He then charged while spinning the daggers in his hand, flashy, very flashy stuff Kaiserin thought, but it did present a little problem, she could not guess what he intended to do with them, but there really wasn’t any time to do anything about it as he was upon her. Instead of letting instincts rule her movement she decided against leaping back to blow any chance and to let him get a firm foothold on the safe rock, still, safe as it was it still shook under the force of the geysers. In the same movement he did when he raised one dagger upwards, Kaiserin shifted her sword to her side getting ready to swing horizontally, not only that but she had also started to lean backwards.

Kaiserin would have been lying if she said she understood how those daggers had moved, they were too strange, but then again as she took a small leap backwards, the daggers ended up just out of reach, it was a good job he didn’t throw them. The main reason she never attacked first, her sword, as large as it was usually ended up with too much recoil time to pull it back into a defensive stance, but it was the size of that blade that allowed her enough time to do just that.

And so she started throwing all of the strength in her arms from her right, outstretching her arms for maximum range. as her blade gracefully cut through the air towards her opponent, troy. It was funny, his weapons did not have the range her single weapon had, and now she was demonstrating exactly why she did not attack first, especially with her sword, seemingly on a direct path to ram straight into his left arm, or if he pulled back, to possibly cut along his chest, or maybe he would defend himself or use agility of the likes she had never seen, of cause her mind could not fully imagine any of them, as he sword swing would be over long before then and the next action would come into play.

[The Blademaster]

Now I am not a small man.

To move with the speed that I had moved I needed just as much space as was given. To move from that one just as quickly I knew would be impossible. Unfortunately my first dagger seemed suspended and the second one barely missed its target. The woman was quick, I’d give her that, but my mind had already flushed out another plan. Her sword fell to my left, a diagonal attack. I had predicted that as the second of many maneuvers she might have made.

As soon as the blade began its slow arch, I began to move. It would take a miracle to deflect the blade and it was a near impossibility to stop its momentum once started. So my quick thought ducked instead. It was the least I could do under the circumstances. My dagger spun to a downward hold position, the second remained fixed. As the heavy sword pulled through its hacking attack I was already just below its path.

“Damn,” I mumbled as my bent knee crush a small, yet rather jagged rock. I turned towards Kaiserin quickly, ignoring the minor flair in favor of many more along my backside. The raised dagger arched in a horizontal slash directed towards the front part of her kneecaps. ‘Incapacitate the enemy’ they advised ‘then you may do what you wish to them.’

It seemed wise enough in theory at least. I could only hope the woman would not move too much so that I could find if it was practical in practice too. The second dagger was for defense. My downward grip on it would offer me the ability to push the most pressure behind it. Its downward angle offered a dramatically decreased range of motion and reach, hence the defense.

[Kaiser]

Her sword hit nothing but air, her opponent had ducked under the swing of her sword, still she guessed that after landing where he had, he still had the momentum to do that, but how many times now has someone ducked under her blade mid swing? Still dwelling on what happened and what could of happened was not going to get her out of her new situation, he had attacked, a quick one with the so much more lighter weapon, and her sword was still fighting against the momentum as to return to her initial stance, this was the major drawback in her sword. Wait or was it, she already had momentum going with her leap back and the swing, her right foot had not reached the rock less than a split second ago and she once again pushed back, kicking the ground under her two once again retreat to a safe distance.

Kaiserin gritted her teeth as she came to a final stop, she was glad that in her counter she had leaned back at the same time as her swing, that was what saved her this time, but it also annoyed her, it was dumb luck like that she hated, she knew she had potential with a sword, but the length and weight of her sword seemed to null that a little, but she had thought that her strength made up for it, had she overestimated her own skill, it was that thought that started to aggravate her. ‘ I seriously need to get stronger to get rid of these stupid flaws ’ she thought with her eyes looking directly towards her opponent. He held the second dagger backwards, while the first was upwards, he had something planned, unless his fighting style was so flexible that he could twist his blades around to suit any purpose.

She then pulled her sword back to her front, allowing her vision to be cut in half, it was somehow comforting when you could see the blade you was using, to know that you was ready to take on an attack, of cause this was also her normal stance she adopted, basic, but easy to use. She took a quick step forwards closing the gap she had made while keeping a little awareness on her footing, this small rock in the middle of nowhere was not exactly smooth as a pebble, but fighting here was a lot better than in the middle of that field … but that’s where this fight may end up going.

‘Not so much power this timeShe stepped forwards and started to raise her sword, but then she stopped suddenly and seemed to return to her stance, it was a fake attack, she had hoped that it would make her opponent flinch and become confused, as she then let her sword once again fall to her left side this time, and then swing it to her right. If all things worked as they planned, although this attack had no where near the power of her last, it would still make some kind of connection, with his right arm at least, but if things went bad she wondered if she could recall her blade back in time to avoid what was thrown at her next.

[The Blademaster]

It seemed all for naught. Every move was countered by my opponent, and likewise. As far as contests of arms went it was going well. From what I had been told people of Althanas did not give in easily, it was like being home again. People of Sid did not give in easily either, though you could easily intimidate them. Kaiserin did not seem to be intimidated either. I’m man enough though to admit that I was scared spit less.

The sword that the woman, who was not exactly massive, was wielding scared me. The woman that could wield it was even worse. What strength did she hold? What powers might be lurking beneath that freaky cat-tailed human visage? Time would only tell and I knew that much, but oh how curiosity pulled at my heartstrings. How the sword came to be was enough to document and make a profile for little Miss Nightwind.

As she spun away I rose and stepped back myself. She was on the verge of attacking again. A rock was in my boot. That really isn’t relevant to the battle at hand, but for some reason it was the only thing I could think of as I watched the woman. There was a very small rock in my boot. It was not big enough to hinder me from moving, barely big enough to distract me. I looked into the claret eyes of my opponent, letting my own emerald connect with her. The sword split her face in two. I spun my dagger from the offensive to defensive stance, both would give more defense.

With her movement I moved too. Most would have stood their ground. They would have either tried to dodge the blade, again, or jumped away. I was no small man though. My agility took time to muster and my dexterity was limited. The little dexterity that I had shown earlier was enough to stretch all the muscles in my back alone. Any more and I might have pulled something, seriously. So instead I did what came next. It was almost second nature. The art of combat came quickly, but I had always been a rather offensive over defensive type person.

I charged headlong towards Kaiserin.

A smirk lit my face as I pushed off the uneven rocks and attacked my opponent. Before me the woman’s sword had dropped to the left. It seemed she did not learn much about tactics from wherever, or whoever taught her to use that blade. If the attack did not work once what made her think it would work again? A quick thought gave me an answer at least. With a blade that big what ‘tactics’ were their, really?

The daggers came up together to my right side. They were still in their downward positions and ready. My fingers were taken from the loop and added to the other four digits on the hilt. I needed as much support as I could get to push against the momentum to begin with. Once I was past the halfway mark of the blade it would be much easier, or so suggested science. The daggers first touched about three inches below the tip. It was not the best place to start the counter, but better then at the tip.

Down the edge of the blade I charged. With every step my weight shifted my speed. It would be quite hard to stop my bulk in the end, but hopefully the woman would be far too occupied with swinging to dodge this. Even as I charged small sparks flecked from the colliding blades. The daggers and the greatsword made a politely quiet ‘shiiinng’ noise as I charged.

The plan was to head-butt her in her forehead. The daggers would remain in place along the blade till they met the hilt. At that point I’d already have my head forward and aiming heavily for my opponent’s forehead. As soon as the two connected, or didn’t, then I’d spin away and have two blades ready for a counter. It never crossed my mind that such despicable fighting was being used against a woman. In the Citadel all adversaries were just that… fighters.

[Kaiser]

There is a word for this, there is a word especially for this, now what would it be, oh yeah “Pain” that’s all she could feel, and for a brief moment everything seemed to go into automatic without her. A head-butt, that’s what had happened, that’s what caused her to look so surprised when her opponent rushing her, truth be told she also listened to the noise of her sword grinding against her opponents daggers, it was a sound that Kaiserin would come back to the citadel over and over just to hear. That pleasant sound was then ended by the reality of her opponent whacking her square in the head with his own, and like she was thinking, the word for this would be pain.

Kaiserin stumbled backwards, anyone would do that, she gripped her sword only with her left hand dragging the blade with her, her right hand clenched her head, her eyes were closed shut, ‘Happened just what’ her opponent had really knocked her for six, even her thoughts were coming in backwards, she shook her head a few times hoping to rid herself of the stars, she meekly pulled up her sword, but she was still dazed and didn’t make any kind of counter attack.

Infact her next action would be to fall to the ground landing heavily on her but, hurting her own leg in the process, but she really didn’t care, her main jumbled up priority now was to go buy some milk from the farm … err, keep up some sort of defence and shake off the dizzy spell. “Holy Pants on a stick! What the heel is your head made from” she cried, and whined, but there was a little humour, she must have thought she looked funny, sitting there like she was on the verge of passing out from too much drink but she was slowly recovering.

‘hey … I think the world stopped spinning ’ she shook her head again, indeed it had stopped, she looked behind her opponent to concentrate on the geyser that was flowing upwards, she waited there a moment until it died, good her concentration and focus had returned, but her vision still had little stars dancing around her head. She now noticed that her opponent had just stood there, he must have been expecting a counter attack, and not have expected to knock her down, or was he waiting for her next attack, well whatever it was, it looked like side attacks were really not going to work with this guy.

Slowly her balance returned to her allowing her to stand up, her tail still seemed confused and kept on trying to re adjust itself accordantly, she also stepped backwards, raising her sword, back into the same style, she really didn’t feel like attacking the faster opponent, no maybe it would be better to play a little more defensive, tire him out, but that was another game, who would get tired faster, sure Kaiserin has more strength, but she also had the heavier sword, while her opponent was really speedy in comparison.

“Right … as soon as your two stop going all over the place I think I am ready to take you on again” of cause this was a bluff, she could see him in a perfect vision now, but she still wished that those stars would freaking keep still already, Kaiserin would not attack this time, she had not the balance to do it.

[The Blademaster]

What had compelled me to do something so idiotic? A head-butt? It was not but split-seconds after I had collided that the monster of a headache began to form. For the most part the soft layer of fabric that was my had absorbed a bit of the blow, but the rest was directed at my head. It had worked though. That was what mattered. It had worked well and the woman had stumbled away.

I could not have asked for more. Well maybe a little more, like a correct head-butt that involved far less pain on my end of the attack. A geyser roared to life off to the side. The noise pounded through my head. I might as well add the roar of the geyser to the list of things that could go better too, while I was at it. The ground beneath me shook, as it undoubtedly did throughout the arena. It was enough to push me off balance further, my sense of balance already thrown off by the attack and my legs quivering.

“Blasted geysers,” I mumbled as I looked over to the boiling water erupting. It sprayed like a mist over the battlegrounds. It slowly coalesced in my hat, dripping from the round, pointed front. “Damn monks had to punish me with this ridiculous arena!”

Kaiserin was moving. Her eyes seemed to swirl with the loss of balance. Time was moving slowly and I was looking into the eyes of my opponent. Her stance slowly returned to defensive. The sword before her was quickly loosing its intimidation factor. I moved to the side, circling around my opponent and looking for a new vantage point. To charge would only give her a target to push that massive blade through.

“Dear woman, I doubt that you will ever be truly ready for me.” It was cocky, to say the least. But the words had formed themselves in my mind. Respect. I was quickly growing it for the woman before me. I had even voiced it; she was not a child anymore but a woman in my opinion. If she could continue fighting after that attack, wield the blade she did, and yet hold the confidence that flared in her eyes then she had earned my respect. “But so be it.”

I moved forward again. A flare of passion was lighting my eyes. The daggers spun again as I charged and moved quickly. Someone was going to fall soon. If fate decided I was to fall I would at least go in style. If fate decided my opponent fall then so be it. The first dagger stretched out in a lunge for the tip of the greatsword. It stopped in a downward position. The movements happened without true concentration, instinct was taking over again.

It all seemed to repeat itself. The dagger was meant to move the tip of the blade. The second continued to spin. If the first could hold off the blade the second would be able to find itself deep in the woman’s chest or shoulder region. I was not picky where the blade sunk in. Its curved surface was enough that once it punctured flesh it would provide quite a destructive wound, slivering and twisting to open the wound further. One strike could bleed a person, a deep one could pierce organs and end a fight.

[Kaiser]

Her opponent charged for her, and she gritted her teeth within her mouth anticipating on what was coming, of cause he had the advantage, his two weapons seemed to be more than effective in handling her over sized sword, was it possible that she wasn’t strong enough to properly wield it. Whatever the reason was, the same situation was before her, her weapon, too slow to be truly effective as she felt her opponent knock the tip to her left, to keep it from attacking him like he had before. Her footing wasn’t entirely sure of itself either, she wasn’t sure if it was shaking under her, or that her mind was playing tricks on her body.

Wait, in his action to knock the tip of her blade to the side, he had successfully done that, but the arms that held the sword hilt seemed to twist to compensate for that move, bringing the hilt higher. She could block his second attack with the hilt guard on her sword; truly she owed those who had made this sword. She raised the hilt, not partially caring what the tip of her blade was doing, but her opponent attack came in so fast her eyes could barley catch what truly happened, that along with the sharp pain in her arm. When he eyes were able to register, her hilt guard had successfully stopped the attack by blocking his wrist, but the actual point of the daggers looked like a scorpions tail, still piercing her skin.

“Dammit” she muttered, this had not been the first time, her blade being hard to judge, but was it because the attack had come in too fast, and she had raised her guard too fast. What did it matter, her eyes turned to her opponents eyes just as quickly, she didn’t care if he had drawn first blood, or actually had the first successful attack, no way, this was her chance to counter attack. The blade was in an awkward position, the hilt guard blacking his first dagger while the tip seemed to wrestle with his other, how she expected to counter from this situation. In the same brief moment she had also noted the geysers, the way they shot upwards, not that they were going to help her, her quick thinking mind so far was at a loss for a possible way to get out of this.

So instinct took over, without really caring she pushed against the man’s attacking hand shoving it away to get some room and to get the tip of his dagger out of her arm. Still she did not care for the tip of her blade; it was happy where it was; besides for this action she only needed the rapier still hilt guard that was supposed to protect her hand, shame that didn’t include her arm. With the mans current stance she would guess that this attack would work, it was a shame that it would not be a death blow. She thrust the hilt of her sword forwards and upwards as hard as she could, the plan was to return the favour of the head-butt, but repay it with the strange material of her sword that seemed to be the equivalent of steel, he should be face planting it soon, and she should be feeling his face put up a resistance to the hilt guard.

[The Blademaster]

The movement was caught quickly. My eyes followed as best as they could. Before the blade could puncture any further then skin deep the guard of the sword was moved. It caught the hilt of my own blade, crushing the lower-portion of my wrist between the pistol-grip and the hilt. The pain was beyond excruciating.

As my opponent moved my left hand dropped the blade. It clattered against the stone floor. I had lost half my attack, lost half my very drive. The pain that throbbed in my hand worsened as Kaiserin pushed against it, pushing me away. I alleviated the pressure as best as possible by stepping away, but she came anyways. The heavy guard of the greatsword arched quickly towards my face. I had forgotten about the other side.

The crunch that resulted was accompanied by instant pain.

With my right hand extended fully, giving the illusion of a solid defense, my left rose to my face. Tears welled up and fell quickly. Vision suddenly became blurred and the woman seemed to disappear behind a veil of water. The bridge of my nose had been struck hard, hard enough to make my eyes water and my nose bleed. It was probably broken and would be a matter of time before the bleeding stopped.

“You bitch,” I mumbled between gritted teeth and tightly clenched fingers. Shaking off the tears was about all I could do. I looked at her best I could, watching for weaknesses. The battle had gone on long enough and it was beyond time to finish it. “Fuckin’ bitch…”

I turned the blade back to its offensive position and shook my left hand. The tender bones at the top part of my hand were broken, I was sure of it. The blood from my nose was wiped away slowly, which was also broken. Things had turned for the worse far too quickly. With a nod to my opponent I dropped the useless hand to my side and tightened my grip on the dagger.

[Kaiser]

Kaiserin stepped back after the crunching sound, she was more mindful of her footing than she was with her current opponent. The pain in her arm hurt, well of cause it hurt, possibly the tip had dug deep enough to scratch the bone in her arm, it was deep, it was throbbing with pain. Kaiserin got a secure footing and raised her sword in her left hand to the best of her ability; her right arm was hurting to much now that the initial attack had time to settle in. However it seemed like her actions had had a certain unexpected benefit, one that she had not planned on, it seemed his hand had gotten injured, she had to wonder how that happened, and his face definitely looked a lot better when he arrived than he did now. Her opponent then started cursing, maybe about the only major vocal work he had done throughout this entire bout.

Kaiserin started chuckling, not because that her opponent was hurt, but instead because of the way he was swearing, it seemed almost comical as it was mixed in with the pain he felt in his face and the injury in his hand. The hand injury was strange to Kaiserin, she was sure that her action should not have wounded his hand, the attack to the face was flawless but the hand was an extra bonus. Her chuckling stopped when the pain in her arm returned and she openly flinched, wondering if it had gone deeper than she thought.

“Man, you’re an awesome opponent.”

She commented proud to know that she was fighting someone who was keeping her on her toes, he was fast, and she was slow when it came to there styles, it was serving as a great insight, to see her own weakness that she has not really had a chance to test before. She then went to raise her sword but her arm was feeling taxed by keeping it up on its own. She guessed that to take a swing would take three whole seconds to get some momentum moving, and three seconds was too long. Hesitantly she placed her right hand on the hilt of her sword and wrapped her fingers around the blade, but there was an odd fuzzy feeling in her hand.

‘I should really attack, but I don’t want to, this guy, he is tricky, even if he only has one weapon left’

Her eyes scanned the battlefield, was it a mistake to stay on this platform, now that she recalled the fight in her mind it was indeed very short, but living in the moment seemed to take an eternity. She held her sword forwards, and for some reason started to notice its weight again, she was also hot, and maybe a scarf was not such the greatest fashion statement to wear in a geyser field. ‘Going into that hell at this point isn’t going to help, not when this fight can be won in only a few moves if I stay smart and use my head’ … ‘And on an added note, I should really purchase a weapon I can hold in one hand, this arm I killing me.’

Kaiserin then shifted her stance, holding the blade perfectly vertical, she stood in the same pose she had when she had first summoned her sword, the little unofficial salute that she had just made up. Then she stepped forwards and brought her blade crashing down to the ground in front of her, but that was no where near her opponent, but hopefully the sound of the large crash would startle him rather than brace him for the real attack. It came fast and hard, as hard as the power in her left arm would grant, her right felt too weird to truly grasp into the sword to give it power, but at least her speed remained.

She stepped forwards twisting her wrists so that the blade was pointing downwards, this action truly did sting her right arm with the sudden movement, but the blade started to swing upwards and on a steep angle towards her right, with the extra step forwards her attack was no in range this time, and she hoped the range of her sword, should this fail would at least give her some time to react to a possible counter attack, she hoped her body would be able to put up with another of those.

[The Blademaster]

My opponent seemed stilled. Overhead a mixture of steam and water fell again, raining down in a light drizzle. Though my coat was open the heat was pulsing through me. My hat helped little, other then absorbing the sweat off my brow to keep it from my eyes. Breath was coming raggedly, my chest was heaving with the heavy humidity, and blood poured effortlessly from my nose. If I had been a faithful man words of prayer and need would have passed my lips, but life had handed me nothing more then broken promises from the religious standpoint.

A deep grin crossed my lips, despite the rivulet of blood dripping across them. She too was feeling the same way I was. She too was impressed. I turned my face from Kaiserin and spit on the ground to my side, an unhealthy mixture of phlegm and blood. Aches and pains along with simple muscle wear were combining to slow me down. Deep down I could feel the core of the muscles in my arms wearing from the dagger attacks. I could feel the muscles along my ribs – which were rather weak – burning from the uncharacteristically dexterous movements.

It was time for the end.

Our eyes remained fixed on each other but seconds longer before Kaiserin initiated what was most likely the final attacks on both sides. Her movements were stiff, as her fighting style itself seemed to be, but I noticed most the weight of the sword dragging at her. Her arms were not as rigid when holding the heavy blade. She was showing weakness. Surely it was affecting her mentally also, just as my own broken nose and wounded hand. But she attacked nonetheless.

As the sword arched towards me instinct was stilled. Instead of stepping forward as my normally vicious style of fighting would call for, I jumped away. The rocks underfoot allowed me to push in a more diagonal direction over a purely backwards leap. The heavy tip of the blade arched towards my chest, but I had already moved. With my wounded hand I removed my hat, in a fit of pain, and tossed it directly at her concentrated face.

The move was rather offhanded and hopefully unexpected. By the time the hat was removed and tossed another rock had caught my thick boots. In a burst of final momentum I pushed away from it, following the backside of the greatsword. From my right hand was launched the pistol-grip dagger, aimed just off-center to collide with her as she moved with her sword.

To finish everything I fell. The quake of an exploding geyser pushed my unsteady footing further towards dangerous and I found myself face first in the dirt. “Gods be damned!” I cursed as my wounded hand reflexively attempted to save my body, a loud pop resounding from the awkwardly bent wrist.

((Sorry about the fingers, I misread your post. I’ll edit it to the back of the hand/wrist area…))

[Kaiser]

‘ oh crap ’

Those were the only words that passed through her head, and at roughly the same time her vision was blocked by the hat. Without even thinking of the pain in her own arm she reached up to toss the hat away only to be greeted with a sharp stabbing pain. Wherever that dagger was meant to go the outcome was nonetheless the same, it still hit the mark. Although through the initial shock of pain knocked her to the ground, dropping her sword as she bit her bottom lip trying to summon what strength she could to fight against the pain. Kaiserin eventually got the courage to open her eyes to look, and sure enough there was that dagger, lodged firmly into her shoulder, or rather the point where the body met the shoulder within the interlocking bone, whatever it had ripped up muscles and her arm was effectively dead, and of cause with her sword this fight was indeed over.

‘… Don’t pull it out! ’

Those were her only true thought, although her left arm nursed her shoulder, she resisted the urge to yank out the dagger for fear of inflicting even more pain, and right now, even her opponent didn’t even matter to her. Or did it, her eyes looked over to find the form of her opponent; apparently he had fallen over after his last attack, and had injured his hand more. It was actually funny and it made her forget about the dagger protruding from her shoulder, and the fact that it was causing her pain.

‘… hey hang on just a second ’

Despite the pain she looked over and saw the other dagger, the one he had dropped after she had inflicted a crippling blow to his hand. With determination and the fact that she constantly told herself it was her right arm that was useless and not her legs, she shifted herself over towards the dagger and reached out for it. After claiming the dagger she struggled to her feet on the uneven ground and stood erect while putting the her hand back to her shoulder, still unsure what its presence there would do. She gritted her teeth with the pain, flinching as seemingly every step aggravated the blade in her shoulder, damn why the hell do blades had to sting so much.

“Damn this hurts”

She mumbled before stepping up to her opponent and got the strength to leave her shoulder alone to point the dagger down at him, her attention was constantly switching between the pain and her opponent, constantly struggling for dominance and she was supporting the attention to go to her opponent. Instead she found it returning to herself, she was sweating, it was warm, and the damp air seemed like a pleasantly warm mist around her, like being in a hot steam room. The blood that dripped from her lower arm was then met with the blood now dripping from her shoulder, her arm looked about ready to fall off, it was racked with so much pain it was actually becoming numb.

“Oww … Argh, look, forgive me ok, I am stubborn, But yield, please say that you yield!”

Another rush of pain in her shoulder caused her to scrunch her face up tightly trying to bear it; she knew then that her attention was now gone from her opponent. She fought for it desperately and found herself, roughly in the same place, her hand still gripped the dagger, but she questioned when she had stepped back exactly, still she raised the dagger once again holding the grip so tight that it almost made her forget about the dagger in her shoulder.

“…Yield…” she added softly.

[The Blademaster]

Tears were welling in my eyes. The voice of pride screamed that it was the broken nose still, yet I knew better. Enough time had passed that the blood was slowed and the tears had stopped. No, these tears were something far deeper. Pain was seeping into the bones in my arm, the marrow itself was quivering. My hand had been crushed into a rather gruesome shape, bent towards myself. The sight was sickening.

I lifted my head from the ground, waiting, expecting. The attack that I expected did not come however. Instead I saw something magnificent. A wounded opponent was standing before me, a dagger standing like a hand-hold from her shoulder. With my working hand I pushed myself up, a clump of dirt in my white-knuckled fist. Grimacing I pushed myself up to my knees. A mix of pain, joy, and hunger filled my emerald eyes.

“Fuck.”

She had taken my dagger from the ground. Things were not looking up for me. With my left arm hanging at my side, swelling and turning a blistering red, I looked into her eyes. The nerve of the damn human-cat-thing! She stepped towards me over the uneven, sharp rocks of the arena. Her tone was desperate. Her eyes were flashing the same need to end the battle. But in her hand she had the gall to point my own dagger at me and plead for a yield.

“Damn women,” I mumbled as I shifted my weight and took a squatting position. The dagger’s end was held rather shakily not a foot from my face. Through slick hair, clinging together with sweat and water, I looked into her eyes. “Why would you plead? Fuckin’ women, too weak for combat. I’ve always thought it and you support that fully. Take a hit and you can’t keep going!”

Without hesitation my right hand arched upwards. Clutched in its grip was a large, sharp rock. Lacerations opened across my fingers as I gripped the rock, but it did not matter anymore. I would not loose to a woman while I was still conscious, especially one that showed so much damned weakness. The rock was much thicker then the blade of the weapon, but it was her hand and the hilt that I aimed to strike. Break her bones as she had broken mine.

At the same time I uncoiled. My legs pushed heavily against the surface of the ground. Thick brown locks of hair flailed about my head in the wake of my movement. My left arm rose, swollen as it was, and struck from the inside of Kaiserin outwards at the dagger… intended to tear it deeper towards her throat. At the same time my head slammed forward for her stomach. Something was going to hit, I had no doubts, I could only hope everything would strike instead.

[Kaiser]

Kaiserin narrowed her eyes at the man on the floor, his comment had of cause angered her and she gritted her teeth still bearing the pain. In case he had not yet noticed her arm was pretty much useless even his other dagger was in her shoulder, begging to be plucked out. Had he misunderstood her, she was not pleading for him to wield to end the battle, she was pleading so that she would not have to end this fight in the same manor as she did the last one, and it had been too extreme last time.

“Let’s get one thing straight, I am only looking out for your wellbeing here ok, but if you want to test the citadels healing-“

Let’s just say Kaiserin never got to finish what she was saying, she spotted in his good hand, a rock that seemed to fit perfectly in his palm, she had spotted it just as he started to swing it towards her hand, a crippling blow, and one she could not afford with her other arm in its condition. It was funny how in situations like this time seemed to freeze, yet you could still think about what was going on yet your body was never fast enough to react, she had began to pull her hand holding the dagger backwards, it would seem that her instincts had taken over and she was simply watching it.

The rock, although it was intended to smash her hand failed in that task, but it had instead disarmed her of that dagger, it sent it flying from her hands as soon with the rock had hit the blade. A great move for someone who wasn’t willing to give up, but she would have probably done something similar if there roles were reversed. Yet her opponent was not yet done, his broken hand sprung for his dagger in her shoulder, as fast as he sprung upwards to crash his head into her stomach. Unfortunately for Kaiserin both of these attacks did there intended job, she was unsure which was worse, having the air from her lungs suddenly leave her, or the blade within her body tearing towards them.

‘ That Dagger is coming out! ’

She gasped for air as she heard her mind roar in rage and pain, and without even thinking of the consciquences she was now driven by a rage, she then reached over to the dagger, ignoring his hand pushing against it and gripped the strange hilt. The pain that followed, well it didn’t exactly register it was so great that she half screamed and half roared with determination as she yanked it out of her, blood spraying from the wound into the damp warm air. The blade was coated with her own blood, and she raised it upwards as though she held it in victory, but like her opponent had done in this fight she spun the blade around so that it was now facing down, towards her opponent.

“I said YEILD!”

The silvet roared as she then plunged her opponent’s dagger downwards, this was all she could truly do, even as the blood still sprayed from the wound in her shoulder. No it wasn’t all she could do, she forcefully reminded herself that her legs were in still in good condition, uninjured, as was her tail for that much needed balance in her state. From what she could do in her position she kicked out, not really with all the power her leg could give her, no, all of her strength was in the plunge, but her knee would be a nice addition.

[The Blademaster]

My own dagger narrowly missed me as I swiped it from her hand.

I felt my head enveloped for a split-second by her stomach. I felt the throbbing, searing pain in my arm jolt as it struck the wedged dagger. A cruel, twisted smile came to bear as the agony of my opponent rose to a high-pitched cry. It would have been gut-wrenching, her tears of pain and roar, but other things were on my mind.

“Move damn it!”

Screaming at myself I squatted and turned on a knee. Rocks, especially the one I was formerly holding, dug into the center of my kneecap. The pain was excruciating. Tears welled in my eyes again, this time I sniffed though too. I would not give in. I was better than that. Better then her. Pain could be ignored, wounds could be healed eventually, but quitting would always be remembered.

Fate was against me. I would have it no other way, though. To battle an opponent is one thing, to attempt to deny one’s own fate is something altogether different. As I pushed off with a single leg, the other acting as a balance, something caught me. My eyes bulged. It was cold, silent. I could feel the tip of my traitorous dagger slip past the skin, slip past the muscle.

Feeling was the first of the senses to go. It had already been halfway gone anyway between the broken bones, crushed hands, and adrenaline clouded judgment. The rocks under hand, the cuts across my fingers, even the swollen abomination that claimed to be my arm when numb. Next went taste and smell. Then hearing. I was left in a void of life, my vision waning and my ears dull. Finally, as my eyes slowly blinked, I felt it slip further.

The hollow tap of the blade connecting with spine echoed through my very body.

A finally blink and it was over. The battle with the woman had been… interesting to say the least. I had learned much, not only about myself but about her as well. But in the end I had proven nothing. I was no hero. I was no powerful wielder of the blades. I was a simple warrior, hardly even that if I was bested by a woman of all people. I was a disgrace. But something scared me, something caught my attention more then anything else. It was my sole fear.

I was weak.

((Done on this side. Sorry for the delay. Thanks for the battle. And whenever you post up a conclusion, or whatever, just submit it for judging! Hope to see you in the future on more friendly of terms, lol.))

[Kaiser]

… it was quiet, all she could do was watch with her ruby red eyes, even as blood sprayed onto her cheeks. In truth she had half expected for her opponent to perform a miraculous come back, he was very talented and had earned her respect, and still at the end of the day, it was his own blade that had defeated him. As his body went slack so did her knees, her right arms was still a mess, and now with the adrenalin fading away, and the blood loss taking effect, it was like she had been drinking way too much alchahol for her own good.

“ … Damn it … not again!”

She said falling back on her good hand while her hand left the dagger in her opponents back, all she seemed capable of doing right now was too simply stare at him, she had seen his last moment, with him about to struggle, but that isn’t what had scared her. For this victory, for this simple victory she had ignored her own safety, regardless of being in the citadel, and resorted to killing her opponent for that victory.

This was not the first time, another had shared the same fate as him, the only difference being was that she had used her own blade, and the details of that victory, were bloodier than both of them combined. And once again she found herself reflecting on her own ease to kill someone with no hesitation, to find respect in someone, and to have no qualms in killing them.

Slowly her thoughts began to calm down, roughly at the same time has her vision began to blur, and the wounds, mainly surrounding her arm seemed to null.

‘ … unlike last time … this guy really did a number on me …. I feel terrible ’

“ … Crap”

Then what little strength was in her faded and she fell backwards, however, before her body even hit the ground, the arena surrounding them faded, or rather they faded from the arena, however it worked. She knew, deep down within her, that when she would open her eyes again she would get too greet those genius monks.

And make them pay for that cursed arena!

((Cool, i think i also broke my little writers block ... time to rp again!))

[Letho]

General notes: Battles can oftentimes be very ungrateful storywise, especially the random ones such as this one. You two generally didn’t do a bad job, but it all felt a little too static too me. You came to the Citadel, exchanged some blows at point-blank range and one of you emerged victorious. It seems that neither of you really wanted to take any risks in this battle. You had a volatile arena around you and except a few random descriptions, neither of you made an effort to use that. True, you could fail by trying to force your opponent into a geyser or something akin to that, but it’s a good strategy as opposed to just swinging your weapons and taking hits. Utilize the arena, don’t allow it to be just perfunctory, that is one of the best advices I can give you. Creativity will always be rewarded, even if it fails to produce the desired effects. Also, both of you, please refrain from posting OOC comments. Edit them out once they served their purpose or send any messages via PMs. Anyways, onto the rubric.


KAISER

INTRODUCTION – 5

This wasn’t too shabby, but it lacked several important components. For one, why did Kaiserin come to the Citadel? Was it to hone her skills? What do the battles mean to her? These are all questions that would introduce your character in a better way, explaining her reasons. Remember that even a random battle has to have a reason to exist, even if it’s just to went some frustration, sharpen your battle prowess or a prideful answer to a challenge. As for the introduction of the arena, I think you did a rather good job there, presenting a rather interesting venue for your battle. Shame you didn’t use it more.

SETTING – 4

It was there, but that’s almost all that it was there for. If it weren’t for the occasional ground shaking and the humidity, I could honestly say that the battle could’ve happened in a different environment and it would have no significant influence on what went on. Descriptions, though sporadic, depicted the arena well, but they had little or no influence on you. The humidity combined with the heat was something that should’ve been noted. Try closing your bathroom and fill the tub with steaming water. Once you walk back in the bathroom after some ten minutes, it would feel like you’re breathing water. Always remember that setting isn’t just a one-dimensional background over which your character walks.

STRATEGY – 5,5

This links somewhat to the setting, or rather the lack of utilization of it. When you started the battle by gaining high ground, I honestly thought that you would keep acting tactically. Given the longer reach of your sword and greater strength, you should’ve at least tried to put Nemian on defense and force him into one of the geysers. Or just overwhelm him and keep him at bay. Why not try a thrust with your sword? Nemian mentioned every other kind of attack except a thrust in his little monologue. However, there are some good things in this. You played the momentum of such a large blade realistically, to the point where she couldn’t wield it anymore due to fatigue.

WRITING STYLE – 3,5

Don’t take this score too much to heart. You’re a good writer, but there are a couple of things that seriously hurt your writing. For one, your overuse of commas that leads to monster sentences in which you say like three different things. I pulled this one out as an example, mostly because it’s the longest example, but I hope you’ll get the picture.
Dusk was allowed some time to reflect on the way she had defeated her opponent, it was so barbaric but she believed she had an answer now, when it came down to the crunch she suspected that she was mentally not afraid to do what it took to defeat her opponents, but the question she still asked herself was how could she kill so easily without regret, but then again he wasn’t really dead, not in the citadel, no he had already made it clear he would want a rematch, but this time it would be different.This hurts the flow of your writing greatly, making the reader reread the whole thing a couple of times to get a clear picture of what you wanted to say. Don’t be afraid to break these sentences. Like this:
Dusk was allowed some time to reflect on the way she defeated her opponent and though it was so barbaric, she believed she had the answer now. When it came to the crunch, she suspected that she was mentally unafraid to do what it took to defeat her opponents. But the question she still asked herself was how she could kill so easily without regret. Then again, he wasn’t really dead, not in the Citadel, not when he already made it clear that he wanted a rematch.Notice the difference?

Beside that, you sometimes have trouble with words that sound alike, but are spelled differently. There instead of their, of cause instead of of course. Word doesn’t pick up these kinds of mistakes, so proofreading is your friend. Also, try to break your dialogue into paragraphs, even if it’s just one sentence. The dialogue with the monk in the first post, all jumbled up in one paragraph, is confusing. You tend to miss a punctuation mark here and there, especially at the end of spoken sentences, so keep an eye on that.

It’s not all that bad though. Your writing is not hard to follow once you get around what was already mentioned and you don’t go overboard with descriptions and elaboration. There is definitely potential there, something that can crystallize if you try to pay more attention to the mentioned mistakes. We all started like this mostly, so I hope this doesn’t discourage you in any way.

RISING ACTION – 5

This was pretty solid for a random Citadel battle. You introduced yourself, took a couple of missing shots, landed some blows. It wasn’t a boring battle, but it didn’t exactly pin me to the seat either. I liked, however, how the tides turned when she broke his wrist and his nose once she shoved him. Such twists are always good to keep the interest of the reader. In the future try to add to the rising tension by describing Kaiserin’s inner state. How does she feel when the battle starts? What influence does the ongoing battle have on her? How her opponents actions change her emotions?

DIALOGUE – 6

Dialogue in battles feels kind of redundant, but keep in mind that dialogue doesn’t mean just the interaction with your opponent. Character’s feelings and thoughts also fit under this category. You generally did a good job here, staying true to Kaiserin’s rather bold demeanor. The thoughts going backwards after the head butt was a nice touch. Just never try to force dialogue. In one instance, when she started explaining that she is stubborn and she wants him to yield, that felt a bit over the top.

CLIMAX – 6

I think the climax was pretty much when she asked him to yield and you pulled it of rather well. Given the contemplation she had in the first post, about how it felt to kill a man, asking him to yield instead of just showing a blade into his face seemed perfectly reasonable. Consequently, so was the actual kill once he pissed her off. But given the rather common course of the thread, it wasn’t really something that would blow my mind away, so I couldn’t give it more then a 6. Climaxes are best when they are unexpected.

CHARACTER – 6,5

This was done fairly well in my opinion. You didn’t deviate from Kaiserin’s slightly distorted knightly ways. However, I always find it strange when there is hesitation in a Citadel battle. Both opponents normally enter the battle knowing that they would be resurrected in the end. So while the act itself might be gruesome, your character knows that there are no consequences. Hence my surprise when Kaiserin mulled on whether or not to kill Nemian. Other then that, I like how you portray Kaiserin and I think this is your strongpoint of this battle.

CONCLUSION – 5

Nothing too fancy here. You failed to show that the battle meant anything to Kaiserin. And even if it meant nothing but another battle, you should’ve mentioned it that Kaiserin felt rather indifferent towards it in the end. Remember to tie up all loose ends, especially those that reflect the thoughts your character had throughout the thread.

WILD CARD – 6

I like the way you play a character with an oversized sword.


TOTAL SCORE – 52,5



THE BLADEMASTER

INTRODUCTION – 4

I was somewhat disappointed with this. Throwing your character directly in the arena might eliminate the needless information, but it also gives you no chance to actually introduce your character and his reasons to be there. Nemian was simply there, with no plausible reason, and he started challenging Kaiserin. Even if his reasons for coming to Citadel were as trivial as “He was bored”, it should have been mentioned.

SETTING – 5

Marginally better then Kaiser, if only because your descriptions were better incorporated with what currently went on. I especially liked the description of the pebble stuck in the shoe that really depicted how annoyed Nemian was about it. However, other then that and an occasional mention that it was hot and steamy, I failed to see anything really commendable about the setting.

STRATEGY – 6,5

You had some bright moments. You made a good estimation that you have to make the battle up close and personal and you strived towards it throughout the battle. You tried to make use of the significant difference in speed between somebody who wields a greatsword and somebody who wields a pair of daggers. The head butt was a nice touch. However, as it is with strategy in brawls, they lack any real finesse and I couldn’t score this higher due to lack of real creativity.

WRITING STYLE – 7

This was done very well. Not flawless, but still pretty damn good. Your writing is easy to follow, getting the message across without going over the top. I’m not a big fan of first person perspective, but you’ve pulled it off good. However, there is something that bugged me through the majority of threads. Your tendency to use short sentences is great for depicting the heat of the battle, since it adds to the momentum. But you use it too much, even at times when your character is contemplating something, and then it looks choppy. On the other hand, on several occasions, when you execute an attack (which is indeed a fast move), you describe it with a rather longish sentence that tends to overelaborate on the nature of the attack. Other then that, there are random typos here and there, but nothing too worrying.

RISING ACTION – 5

Mostly what I said to Kaiser goes for you as well. The pace was steady, gradually getting the battle to the climax, but there was nothing terribly impressive that would keep me on my toes until the very end. It was mostly due to the nature of the battle, but though that cannot be eliminated, it could be minimized by making the battle more eventful.

DIALOGUE – 6

This was good, but there were times when it felt unnatural. Specifically the time when he spoke of what he should be watchful of when fighting Kaiserin. I got a feeling that you wanted to say something just because you felt a bit of dialogue was needed. I know Nemian is a rather calculated fellow, but that seemed a bit too much. Also, I didn’t quite understand why he misunderstood when Kaiserin asked him to yield. It seemed pretty clear to me what she wanted. Other that that, you did well here.

CLIMAX – 6,5

It was well done. When Nemian swung the rock at Kaiserin in a last ditch effort, it certainly interested me to see how it’s going to turn out for him. However, due to lack of build up, this couldn’t be stronger then it really was. A do-or-die effort always makes a nice climax though. Good work.

CHARACTER – 6

I have to say that Nemian felt a bit shallow to me until the end. I haven’t found out much about him during the course of this thread. Actions and reactions seemed in sync with his character, but that was all that I really got from him. Actions and thoughts and nothing deeper then that. Up until very end, that is, but that fear of defeat, that pride, it should’ve been present during the entire battle, even in small amounts, gradually rising to the final conclusion. I think that you can to a much better work in this department, especially because first person perspective opens up a lot of room for describing the character’s emotions.

CONCLUSION – 6,5

Somewhat better then Kaiserin’s. Losing, and especially losing to a woman seemed to have a real effect on Nemian at the very end, evoking in him a fear of being weak. Given the randomness of the battle, it’s commendable to see such development in the end.

WILD CARD – 6

I would’ve given a seven, but I don’t like people that beat up women. ;)


TOTAL SCORE – 58,5


The Blademaster is the winner!

A note about exp given: I’m using the new method of awarding EXP for battles.

The Blademaster gets 550 EXP and 50 GP
Kaiser gets 165 EXP and 50 GP

[Thoracis]

Rewards Added!