Fragments of Faith

[Lavinian Ambition]

(Open to Crimson Rose)

"That’s a pretty big story you told me," The voice held no malice; it held no anger, only a bit of disbelief. Jared looked across at the guild master of the Lavinian Thief's Guild as he waited his dagger belt across the desk. Jared was fairly certain that he was in trouble, how much was another story. He had after all nearly gotten himself killed on more than one occasion and that would have been bad. At the very least it would have required corpse retrieval, at worse, exposure of the guild as a whole.

"I know, it’s a lot to take in, but he played you and me. If it wasn't for the-" Jared had already begun the practiced counter to any argument Darith could have put up. He was shocked when he noticed Darith had put up a hand to silence him.

"I never said I didn't believe it, merely that it was a big story," The guild master cut him off.

"Alright, so you believe it?" Jared asked confused.

Darith laughed before he shook his head and looked up at Jared mirth-filled eyes gazing into the stormy grey, "Yes, my young apprentice, I do. Roland was always shifty and he was no more a friend than the Trade Masters are ours. It does give a bit of a problem, as I like to thank those who take care of my thieves, but I'm sure that girl will be back eventually. When such a thing happens, I will thank her properly."

"So, how in trouble am I?" Jared asked finally. He knew it was only a matter of time before it happened. Better to take the tirade now, than later.

Darith chuckled again before he spoke, "First you heal, then you will pay for your transgression. You should have come back rather than doing it yourself Jared. After all, what would your sister think of you nearly getting yourself killed for a moment of petty pride?"

Jared sighed as he looked down, feeling the weight of the ring on his chest. He then looked up at Darith as he replied, "I hope it never comes to the point that you have to explain what happened to me."

"That’s why you will heal first, and then be punished. I hope you like scrubbing, I figure it'll build character, and the mess halls have been very dirty lately. I figure the cooks are burdened what with a few thieves returning from their missions. Its nice to see our numbers actually grow for a change," Darith replied. He then sat down wearily as he gestured dismissively, "Go to Mariah, have her check you out, take care of your wounds, then get ready for tomorrow. I'll be sure to send you your bucket tomorrow morning."

Jared nodded as he turned and walked out of the room wondering just how lightly he was getting off...

“Oh and Jared…” Darith called out. Jared turned just in time to catch what was thrown at him. Frowning he looked down before he looked up at Darith incredulously. “You slipped, but you didn’t fall. Don’t expect me to be so lenient next time. Adhere to the code, always.”

Jared nodded as he said, “Won’t happen again sir.”

“Good thief, now get out of here, I need to get some work done,” Darith said with a smirk. Jared meanwhile turned and in a practiced maneuver slung the dagger belt across his waist. He was a thief now, a full fledged one, he wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t question Darith. Darith made and broke rules all the time, it was up to him to decide if he was worthy of such an honor. Even still, he couldn’t help but feel elated at the prospect of being a full fledged thief.

[Crimson Rose]

It was good to be back. Mariah had been gone so long that she had forgotten what her room looked like. The walls were a pretty white, the room decorated with tasteful paintings of landscapes or fish. The bed was a twin, a single thing with a pretty green comforter and matching green sheets. The bed side table was made from oak, its shine making the room look warm and cozy. As Mariah lay back on her bed, her eyes closed gratefully.

For once, when she had arrived home, Darith had not sent her out to pick up healing items. For once they were set, he merely had sent her back to her room. She had then asked her assistant if their was any thieves who needed to see her. He had taken one look at her and told her kindly to get some rest. He'd let her know if any of the thieves needed her attention.

With time off for once, Mariah had the time to catch up with one of her romance novels. Leaning across her wonderfully soft bed, Rose pulled open a single drawer that was in her oak bed side table. Inside their was three books, two she had nearly finished, but one was new. Taking out the new one, she looked at the title "Hidden Love Bathed in Moonlight" turning to read the synopsis on the back. She soon learned that the story was about a beautiful woman, she was young and rich and had married quite young. However the young bride soon learned, that her husband was not the man he said he was. Quickly divorcing him, she soon grew to love her lawyer, who despite the tough situation had soothed her, and been there for her through the whole messy divorce.

Sighing as Mariah leaned back into the bed, the book rested on her breast. Closing her eyes Mariah tried to daydream the exact situation in her mind. She could see the young woman, falling for the dark and mysterious man whom she had agreed to marry. But, soon she had learned that their was skeletons in his closet. Realizing that she could not live with him, she soon divorced him. Then heartbroken and alone, she soon grew to love a charming and true man.

Giggling, Mariah moved to flip open the first page. The words It was a dark and stormy night, the young bride and groom were in a lovely hotel room. Roses had decorated the lounge and the inn keeper had checked them with relish and flourish. The young bride was all smiles as she held the hand of the tall, and dark man who was her husband. He though had no smiles, he simply waited patiently for the inn keeper to give them their room key. They were a contrast to each other, the cheery beautiful woman and the tall, dark knight that was...

A knock came on her door just as she was about to finish the last sentence on the page. Sighing as she knew her free time might be over, she moved to open the door. Her grin disappeared as she saw the youthful face and bright mop of brown hair. Her assistant was holding a clipboard, smiling at the healer he said kindly "Darith just passed me a message. You have one Jared Cesarino coming down for a check up."

Mariah's eyes closed, she recalled that Jared was a youth with bright red hair and a sure fire grin. Smiling a bit she nodded and moved out of her private bedroom. The nurse's quarters were spotless, the metal floor shined to a gleam. The beds were all narrow but comfortable decorated with thick gray blankets and white soft sheets. Her desk was located right in the center. Moving gracefully across the large room, she turned to her asistant and murmured "Alright. Let Jared in when he arrives. I'll check him over."

"Right away ma'am." Her assistant Martin said. He then glided away but gave her one last bit of advice "He just passed his thief exam ma'am, so I'm pretty sure he'll be excited when he arrives."

"Very well." Mariah said sweetly. She then turned to settle into her leather backed chair. Arranging her hands on the desk in a neutral manner, she then waited for Jared to arrive. She was sure this would be a non nonsense check-up, much like her other examinations of newly graduated thieves had been.

[Lavinian Ambition]

The weight around his waist held with it possibilities. While Jared had only begun to wear the belt with regularity its weight was familiar, reassuring. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he held onto it all the same. As he moved through the hallways he made his way for the infirmary. The cut above his eye had finally begun to disappear, his ribs only hurt every now and then, and the lesser cuts had closed and healed. The slash across his forearm was still there, garish and ugly, as was the slash across his chest.

The last couple of months had been hell. What with the anticipation of going out to Radasanth only to nearly be killed over and over again. Part of it was his fault; he really shouldn't have punched Roland, breaking his nose. The other half was squarely on the recently deceased noble's head. Still as he mindlessly made his way to the infirmary he was certain that the nurse would have no idea how he had gotten so beat up. As he moved through he thought about Mariah Mitami, the current nurse who had replaced the deceased Mother.

Finally he entered the room the low slung cots there so the injured didn't have to strain themselves to get in and out of bed. The cots were all empty marking perhaps a lull in the usual bouts in the ongoing war between the guild and the trade master's. He looked up to see Mariah sitting at a desk looking patiently at the door. As he made eye contact however, everything went blank. Pressure built up on his mind as he shook his head, trying to relieve it. It started as a dull ache before it sprang into a sharp pain, causing him to hiss before something pushed it's way to the forefront.

She was laying on a bed, the covers hiding her form. She was not clad in anything to tell the truth, and she glowed, as if she had just been intimate with someone. A hand reached out and gently caressed her shoulder as she looked up at the person with the hand; she smiled as they spoke, the words unintelligible. Hair fell in front of his vision as the hand casually flicked it back.

The vision faded as quickly as it came. While Mariah was definitely a cute woman, he had never expected to see her in such a situation. Yet he had clearly seen the girl barely covered. Recovering from the episode he was glad to know he couldn't capitalize on such a thought as his head hurt like no other, a pounding headache finding him. As he shook his head he moved toward her as he spoke his voice a bit shaky, "I'm Jared, I was told to report here by Darith. I won't lie, I got messed up pretty bad, perhaps you could look a few things over and make sure they're still healing?"

[Crimson Rose]

Mariah's eyes widened considerably when she saw Jared enter the room. His visage reminder her considerably of another thief's bearing. Shaking her head she rose from the desk to walk towards him. Her mind was whirling though as she thought quickly His appearance reminds me of Seth's, his cocky grin, his confident demeanor, its all Seth. The only difference is his eyes, his eyes hold life, hold hope, while Seth's did not.

Running a hand through her long locks of crimson hair, Mariah turned briefly to her assistant. In a sure voice she murmured "Bring my bag Martin and ointment. I might need thread to."

Martin seeing the curious look in Rose's eyes asked softly "Everything al right Rose?"

Mari gave her assistant a wary grin, in a joking voice she replied "Yeah, it just feels like I've seen a ghost..."

Seeing those shadows under Rose's eyes told Martin all he needed to know. Moving swiftly across the spotless floor, he bent down behind Mariah's desk. Pulling out a simple leather back, he carefully walked back to the Guild's nurse. Handing it to her he asked "You need me to leave?"

Mariah grinned thankfully at Martin, nodding her head she murmured "Yeah, thanks..."

"No problem Miss Mitami" Martin replied respectfully as he made his way across the quiet nurse hall. Without a sound he opened and shut the door behind him as he left Jared to his nursing check up with Rose.

Rose then turned to Jared and sighed murmuring strictly "You should have watched yourself. I"ve never seen a thief look worse then you. Well, except one, but lets just say he walked a path where trouble followed." She then paused in her talking, moving to rummage through her bag, she came up with a half used tube of healing salve.

As she moved to smear the salve on her fingers, she looked up, she had heard his voice, unsure, almost fearful as he had asked her to look him over. Shaking her head, she came close to him and begin to smear salve on his ugly and barely healed wound on his chest. Rubbing the soothing balm into the wound she asked carefully "You al right kid? It wouldn't do you good to go out into the world if your not sure on your feet. If I know one thing about thievery, its if your not quick on your feet, your going to get yourself in trouble." she then capped the tube of her healing salve as she moved to check the wound on his arm. Noting that this too needed a good dose of her salve, she popped her tube open again and shook her head, in a weary voice she whispered "Damn it, this feels like de ja vu." Looking up into Jared's eyes she asked him softly "Just what did you do to yourself Cesarino? What actions did you take that got you this beat up?"

[Lavinian Ambition]

"You know, I've been asking myself the same questions," Jared replied. He sighed as he felt the balm touch his wounds, relieving the constant itching of them as he remained still. He waited for awhile before he spoke, "I was sent by Darith to Radasanth, and well, things got complicated..."

Yeah, complicated was oversimplifying a rather deadly event. As Jared sighed he looked up to meet Mariah's eyes as he spoke, "To be honest, my employer for the job was the kind that likes to save money. He set me and someone else on the same target, didn't tell the other person that it was a test, and expected results. We both got angry at that and well, we fucked his shit up. Apparently he didn't like that, and got hostile."

He winced as she moved to his arm. He then sighed as he spoke, "We went into his mansion, killed him and a few guards. The other thief set fire tot the house, and while I was escaping I got these as a trophy," He gestured to his chest and the arm she was cleansing, "Damn lucky they didn't cut deeper. I might not be here if it weren't for my dumb luck."

He sighed as he thought about it. He had tried not to for awhile, to escape the feelings of guilt, but he figured he would have to face them someday. He didn't like keeping baggage around to haunt him forever. He figured one of these days he'd have to, probably with his sister, she would help him overcome it, and move on. Still he sighed before he looked up at her, "So, De-ja-vu? Sounds like you have seen this before, who was the lucky thief?"

That wasn't the only question he had, he wanted to know why the hell he had seen her nearly nude, why the image seemed so familiar. He wanted to know a lot of things, but he wasn't sure if the answers would satisfy his curiosity or damn him. As he waited for the answer he closed his eyes as he waited, feeling her tend to his wounds. Her touch not unlike Kyo's, though he much preferred Kyo’s touch. Not that he didn't like Rose, just that he had a preference for strong willed women, and Rose wasn't exactly that.

Well, that and he was sure Hawk or Darith would have taken umbrage to Jared attempting to woo the nurse of the thief's guild.

[Crimson Rose]

"Sounds like you have a knack for getting yourself in trouble kid." Mariah said lightly as she finished cleansing his arm wound. A heavy sigh escaped her as she moved nimbly to check his already almost healed wounds. Shaking her head as she traced a finger lightly over them, she clucked her tongue as she murmurs "These are shallow. Kids stuff, these should finish healing by the end of the day." She then looked up into his bright gray eyes, this had been the first time she had seen Jared's eyes and the resemblance spooked her. Trying to pass it over, as her body had shook a bit as a vision of Seth looking at her with those same curious eyes passed through her mind.

Clucking her tongue she murmured "Urgh, ghosts...they seem to be haunting me today!" She then laughed lightly, though the laugh was to hide the look of pain that crossed over her face. In a weary voice she asked "Lucky thief? Heh only the guild's most notorious troublemaker, Seth Dahlios was the thief who tended to come back with very deep wounds. He always needed to be patched up one way or another. Hell, sometimes I had to pull him back from the brink of death." Moving to ruffle Jared's hair affectionately she murmured "Trust me, you don't want to go down his path kid."

She then moved to repack her healing supplies, a sigh escaped her lips though as she thought Why did Darith send him to me? He is almost an exact replica of Seth. Though, I don't know what Seth looked like before he had that white hair, nor if he had a spark of life to those stone gray eyes of his, but, if Seth was Jared, then Jared could be Seth's son. Turning to look curiously at Jared, she couldn't help but blush.

Her memory was creeping up to the time on the boat, that fateful time when she had been shy and fidgety. She had slowly grown use to Seth's comfortable presence, she had needed, wanted to be cleansed of that awful man's touch. Without thinking that Seth had someone else, she pounced on him. Asked him to take her for his own, it was only later that she found out Seth was devoted to Liliana.

Luckily for the pretty nurse, Liliana had not throttled her. The priestess had taken it gracefully, but she had warned Mari to not accept her play boy of a boyfriend's advances. Mari had tried to stay true to her word, but now and then she'd blush and look at Seth with that look that told him I miss you...I want you... however, she had never acted on that heart's desire.

Now though with Jared in the room, she couldn't help but feel a tug at her heartstrings. It was like her emotions for Seth were surfacing and some how pulling her towards Jared. Shock was in her eyes as she found herself looking at Jared's gray ones. In a curious voice she murmured "You wouldn't happen to be a distant relatives of Seth would you? Your eyes...they are the same gray as his. It..' pursing her lips she said softly "It almost feels like I'm looking into his eyes again..."

[Lavinian Ambition]

"No ma'am I'm a Cesarino through and through. Not a drop of Dahlios in me," Jared replied a bit stiffly. It was bad enough when some of the older thieves had insisted he had Seth's knack for trouble making, but he endured it. For the pretty young nurse to make it was different, not insulting, but almost truthful. In that case he acted as he knew how, he denied it vehemently and hoped the day would pass on uninhibited. However, he could see her eyes focus on him, almost wistfully. Moving on he spoke a bit hastily, "'Sides, I want nothing to do with Dahlios, his path isn't something I'm interested in..."

Was she hitting on him?

He didn't dare follow that line of questioning. It would get him in hotter water than if he were to flirt and nothing come of his. Still as he looked over the minor cuts and scrapes he sighed as he spoke, "So am I done here? Or do I need to turn my head and cough?" The words just spilled out as he almost paled considering the rather lewd way they could be interpreted. He was more than certain he had a slap coming his way. As he shrugged on his shirt he closed his eyes as he prayed to the gods he'd get out of here with only a slap.

Buttoning up his shirt in a practiced motion he waited patiently, or rather as patiently as the Firebrand could. His feet began to swing a bit impatiently as he waited for his dismissal from the infirmary. Still he was more than certain she was going to say or do something, he just hoped she wasn't coming onto him. After all the lady was before his time, like, way before his time, she had kept her beauty well, but even then, it felt wrong.

Well at least to most of him, there was still that nagging bit deep inside that was saying 'fuck all go for it'. He was more than certain that part of him would get him into trouble, a lot of it, hence why it was a small part and not something he indulged in at all. At least, that’s what he told himself at night, to help him sleep. He merely waited, as patiently as possible for some sign he was dismissed, even a casual gesture of the hand would do at this point. It was awkward, what with him having already seen her nude, albeit in a vision, and getting the feeling she was coming onto him.

[Crimson Rose]

Mariah laughed warmly at Jared's firm denial of her question. Shaking her long locks of crimson hair, the nurse gave her charge a soft smile. In a sweet voice she murmured "I never denied your blood Jared, just said that your appearance reminds me of Seth. Though-" she pointed at his hair as she said sagely "Your hair is as bright a red as you could get, his was as white as a freshly fallen snow. So don't worry, you and he are not that a like." putting a finger to her lips, Rose listened to the last of Jared's denial, moving to take Jared's hand she whispered "His path is easy to avoid. Just don't fall, keep your faith Jared. That is the best advice I can give you."

She then rose from her seat, her eyes were staring up at the installed ceiling lights. The harsh glare was helping the young nurse focus her thoughts. For now they were too steeped in Seth, she could now clearly recall his scent, recall his touch. Hell, she could even feel his warm body beneath hers as he made her feel real. Shaking her head she mumbled to herself "Damn it! That damn fool, just what hell did he get himself into? What demon did he cross to get himself killed?"

Mariah had never openly admitted this, she had always hoped that Seth's death had been a freak accident. That the boneheaded man had just stumbled into the wrong bar brawl. But no, once no body had been brought for her to examine, she was sure, sure that Seth had done one of his tangles with death, and this time death had been the winner.

Fighting back the tears that threatened to come, Mariah waved a hand at Jared, she was about to dismiss him. To ask him to leave the infirmary so she could get back to her book and her piece of mind. However, when she heard his joke, she couldn't help but laugh weakly. In a quiet voice that she tried to keep steady she murmured "No, you don't need to turn your head and cough. Your free to go..." she then turned to head towards her own private bed chambers.

But, before she disappeared she said kindly "Just don't end up in here injured like that again. I'll check you over, make sure your healthy, but remember, if you come in here broken and bleeding, I'll patch you, but you'll have hell to pay!"

[Lavinian Ambition]

Oh thank the gods! Jared thought as he moved from the table, landing on his feet. He shouldered his satchel as she admonished him, telling him what to expect the next time he came in. Now, as he prepared to leave, and was in the midst of tucking his shirt into his pants did he remember the strange vision. He needed resolution, it would drive him nuts. Finally he stopped as he spoke curiously, "I know it’s an odd question, but I have to ask, just because it'll probably bug me for the rest of the day..."

Pausing with her hands on the handle of her bed room door, Mariah shifted so that she was looking at Jared over her shoulder. In a quiet voice she asked "What is it Jared?"

He took a deep breath as he spoke, "Occasionally, I have memories. Memories I can't possibly take part in. One involves you, I suppose you could call it a day dream, but its too vivid too real. I know this sounds crass, but, who was your last lover?"

Mariah's hand abruptly fell from the door handle. In a cautious voice she murmured "Seth Dahlios was my last lover." She then looked up into Jared's gray eyes asking "Why do you ask? What day dream did you see?"

"Let’s just say it was the aftermath," Jared said bluntly. He wasn't sure what she would do or say, but it was out there. "Was he the only one besides...you know..."

Mariah's cheeks were now deep red, though there was a flash of anger in her eyes as she said loudly "That is not a subject to speak of with me boy. Yes he was my last one, the other one is taboo to say Jared. Now please," Trying to struggle with the raw anger, Mariah said in a strained voice, "leave...I need my peace and quiet..."

"My apologies Rose. I merely, was trying to figure out what the hell was going on...It won't happen again," Jared said quickly as he moved for the door his hand grasping the handle as he prepared to go. He had indeed stepped in it, big time. Perhaps he should have just kept his big mouth shut.

[Crimson Rose]

Rose sighed heavily as she heard Jared's worried voice. Moving away from her bedroom door, her feet walked lightly across the polished floor of the infirmary. Once she had reached Jared, she moved to place her hand lightly on his shoulder. Trying to muster up a smile, the young nurse willed her anger away. Or did her best to, in a soft voice she murmured "I apologize. I did not mean to be rude to you, you were merely asking questions Jared and...I, yelled at you. Can you ever forgive me?" her smile was there, but the anger, just the barest trace of it was still in her crimson eyes.

Jared looked her in the eye as he spoke, "No need to apologize Rose, it was my fault for prying. I should have known better, especially since it was so related to your time prior to joining us..."

Mari shook her head gently, in a soft voice she murmured "You pried because you were curious. You were curious because you've been having that weird vision." putting a finger to her lips, Mariah tried to recall what it could mean. Shaking her head she murmured "The only thing I can think of is that you and Seth are connected in some way." smiling now at him she joked "Though that sounds crazy doesn't it?"

Jared chuckled, "I sure hope not, no offense but I don't want to be Seth. I mean I know he's your friend and all, but being another Seth has a rather bad stigma to it..."

Mariah chuckled warmly as she said honestly "I know, he was a fool, a cute one at that, but a fool nonetheless." patting Jared on the back she murmured "Thanks for an entertaining check up kid, you helped me." her smile was warm and genuine as she finished "get over something that was bugging me." Moving to give him a friendly hug she concluded "Visit me anytime Cesarino. I'd love to chat with you again."

Jared stiffened as she hugged him before he timidly returned the gesture, "Right, hopefully a little less injured..."

Feeling more at ease, Mariah released Jared, in a quiet voice she murmured "Indeed." she then shooed him out. Shutting the door behind him, she was still left with questions. Questions that she knew Jared himself could not answer. Shaking her head, the red haired lass turned to sit on the very bed Jared had just vacated. Putting a finger to her lips she murmured "Darith has some explaining to do!"

[Lavinian Ambition]

Darith meanwhile sighed as he opened his eyes. While he was not able to foresee the future, he always knew what was going on. Hearing the conversation had been easy for him, as Jared was like a beacon that drew him to the rather interesting situation. As he heard Mariah's bitter words he sighed as he muttered, "I suppose I can't play dumb about the boy forever. Though a bit longer is all I need honestly."

He shuffled a few papers about his desk before he sighed and picked one up. Looking at it for a moment he sighed before he set it down, it was merely a sheet dividing supplies up to get ready for the next raid. A raid Jared would most likely not be on, if his instincts had proven correct. Perhaps it was for the best, as Jared was a liability, one he couldn't afford, nor did he wish to sacrifice the boy. As he looked at the sheet he finally looked over at the book shelf behind him, eying a book that almost taunted him whispering for him to pick it up and read it.

Moving to the shelf he plucked the book. Since he had discovered Jared he had come to this book often, one that had Seth known he had acquired he probably would have lost the thief's loyalty. While he gave Seth a loose leash to go about the world, and discover his heritage who was he to question his guild master? No, he had accepted the leave, and further, he had never suspected what he required sat next to the man he had given his life to.

Plucking the book from the shelf it had no title, no distinguishing features. It was merely a blank journal; well rather the book had started out as such. Over the centuries it had aged and weathered, but the knowledge had filled it from cover to cover. The passages that Darith was interested in were towards the end, where it talked about the consequences of the actions. Opening it he looked at the passage to see what had befallen the thief before he had died.

In some cases the more worn the soul, the more magic taken, the worse the condition of the soul upon death. This is especially true if the subject had taken a spell recently before the death, within a day. Without such time to prepare the soul for the onslaught of death, it begins to crack and fracture. Under the strain of a particularly brutal murder, it can even shatter, its fragments spreading out into the world. When such a thing occurs, the body is near useless, for it still will contain shards of the soul, but so will the items upon it. Similar to a Liches Phylactery the soul is stored over several items even going as far as inhabiting certain people. No rhyme or reason is given for this, and often times the subject has no idea of the gift bestowed upon them. This makes it difficult for the body to be reanimated by Necromancy, unless they work with the shards imprisoned.

When planted in an aged body, even as much as a year, the soul lays dormant. When planted in a subject newly born or less than a year old, a phenomenon occurs. In some cases these vessels of soul will have their own soul supplanted by that of the invading soul. Characteristics of the soul imprisoned will arise and in some cases the person awakens within the vessel, literally rising from the ashes and being reborn. In most cases however, the soul will resonate when it senses familiar souls nearby, and will attempt to act accordingly, recalling memories and forcing them upon its host.

Care should be given, this process often damns the test subject as without his soul being whole, he cannot be judged for the afterlife. There simply is no statute that allows an incomplete into the afterlife. Even a normal Hex Magi may never see the afterlife, if he does not atone for his corruption before going to the afterlife. Because of this, most Magi are doomed to a cursed existence, stuck in purgatory and overlooking the material plane. This often drives those souls crazy as they cannot fathom seeing their friends and family die before their eyes, unable to protect them. In the rare case that a subject has neither, he will simply go mad, knowing that he must be cursed to look upon what he has lost.

"Jared, you're cursed. I need Seth, and you stand between me and him," He muttered as he sighed. Shaking his head the book snapped shut as he spoke softly, "Enjoy your time while you have it Cesarino, the time approaches, Liliana is almost strong enough..."

[Witchblade]

Storyline

Continuity: - 6 It was a quick and simple quest that I would have liked to see more done with, perhaps some more tension between Mariah and Jared would have been nice. I understand where it’s fitting in with Jared’s storyline, but not so much with Mariah’s. She thanked Jared for helping her rectify some things at the end of the thread, but I have no idea what these things were.

Setting: - 5 Crimson Rose basically pulled the entire weight when it came to the setting. Almost everything I saw in the thread, I could see because of her. Pat, you focus too much on character interaction instead of what’s going on around the character. That’s just as important.

Pacing: - 5 The pacing was all right. Rose going through and treating each one of Jared’s wounds seemed to happen rather quickly and the ending was a bit abrupt, but not too much so. The characters had parted after all. I would have liked to see some thoughts from Jared after Rose dismissed him and then maybe switch it over to Darith’s perspective.

Character

Dialogue: - 5 Pat, you really, really like dialogue. The problem is that all your dialogue has a really bad habit of coming across the same. If not for the tags at the end of each person’s speech, I don’t think I could tell Darith and Jared apart, though I’m sure that can be said for even the most well developed of characters at times. I’d just like to see a little less dialogue sometimes and more internal thought; it’ll give the reader a greater look into the way his mind works and make his personality come through. Rose, there’s nothing particularly wrong with your character’s dialogue, but nothing that really stands out about it either.

Action: - 4 Character actions were all right for the most part. I expected Jared to be a little happier and cheerful around Mariah, despite the strange vision. Especially if he was just going to shake it off as easily as he did. After all, he’d just ‘passed’ his thief exams. Mariah comes off rather strangely around Jared when he starts bringing up the vision too, I would have expected something more dynamic from her, I wanted there to be more than a shrugging shoulder that didn’t seem to care. They both just kind of went through the motions and played their roles making this nothing spectacular, sadly.

Persona: - 4 For a quest that centered mainly on the interaction between Mariah and Jared, I would have liked to see more of their personalities come out in it. Mariah, for starters, wasn’t even the least bit freaked out by the fact that Jared was having visions of her in the aftermath of making love to Seth. In fact, her only response was ‘oh, I guess you’re connected in some way.’ She felt so flat at that point in the storyline that I was just extremely disappointed. Especially considering she had come across rather well before, besides the fact that she’s either emotionally unstable or you need to be more careful with the emotions that your characters feel. She goes from sad and angry to downright apologetic in less than five seconds when Jared tries to leave. How about just let him leave? It would have been more interesting for them to meet up later and have some kind of discussion.

Now, for Jared. The man just does not come across very well through your writing. I know he can, I know he’s in that little head of yours somewhere, but he just does not come out very well. He always seems so stoic, like a cut out cardboard character. I think the ending post with Darith was great, because I got to look into his head and see what he was thinking and understand a piece of this puzzle, you just need to do posts like that with Jared more. Action and dialogue is important in a post, but so are body language, internal dialogue and setting. Yes, setting. When Jared was getting uncomfortable around Rose, it would have been interesting to see him turn his head away and stare at a crack in the wall he’d never noticed before.

Writing Styles

Mechanics: - 6 The commas, oh the commas!

“I'll check you over, make sure your healthy, but remember, if you come in here broken and bleeding, I'll patch you, but you'll have hell to pay!"

There are five commas in there and it makes the sentence very choppy to read, not to mention it’s a run-on sentence. How about changing it around a little bit? “I’ll check you over and make sure you’re healthy. Just remember that if you come in here broken and bleeding, I’ll path you, but you’ll have to pay.” Better, yes, no? Rose, I also noticed once or twice that you said ‘al right’ instead of ‘all right’ or even ‘alright’. Just keep an eye on that.

Both of you need to be a little more careful when reading through your posts to keep up on your grammar and your spelling. But other than the aforementioned commas, I don’t believe there’s anything glaring that needs to be mentioned.

Technique: - 5 Rose pulled most of the weight through the technique section, because up until your last post, Pat, I hadn’t really seen anything spectacularly great from you at all. The vision was rather nice, but even then I would have liked it to be better described.

Clarity: - 7 There was a point in the quest where I got rather confused. Mariah, whenever a character has a nickname you really need to make sure that you use it in such a way that the reader doesn’t think a third person suddenly appeared in the room. When you started calling Mari Rose, I got so confused at first and couldn’t figure out where this person came from. It wasn’t until I looked at your username that I assumed Rose was in fact Mariah.

Wild Card: - 3 I don’t feel the need to give a lot of extra points in the wild card, because I didn’t feel there was anything really special about this quest.

Total: 50

Reward:

Crimson Rose receives 789 experience and 100 GP!
Lavinian Ambition receives 356 experience and 100 GP!

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!