Strategy be damned (closed to Homunculus.)

[Edward Judorne]

Usually when Edward visited the citadel it was because he just happened to be in town. Whether it was because he had to shop or because he was on vacation, he always seemed to visit the Citadel on his way through Radasanth. Sometimes he would recieve an invitation to a battle which he would turn down almost immediately. There was just too much to do at all times. In fact, there was always something happening somewhere in the world. Edward needed a break from all these adventures he was having, so today he found himself making a trip to the Citadel to relieve stress. He had no other business in Corone, all he wanted was a citadel battle for training and stress relief. In fact, if he did anything else while here it would be as much an afterthought as Citadel battles usually were.

As Edward entered the Citadel, the attendent spoke to him.

"Hi there. I would normally ask you to sign up for a battle and wait for your opponent to show up, but right now all the rooms are being used, so I'm going to need to ask you to wait until another time."

As soon as he said this, Edward watched as two men in cowbow hats walked by, obviously done with thier duel.

"You'll still need an opponent." The man said as I signed my name on the registry sheet.

"I don't mind the wait." Edward replied as he walked towards the only unoccupied room. Room 23.

The room was made to look like a rodeo arena, complete with empty bleachers. There was sand on the ground, some pens where bulls once were placed on the side, and nothing else spectacular, save for the fact that the bleachers were made out of smooth rock.

Edward climbed into the bleachers and sat down to wait for his foe.

This is the arena the cowboys were obviously using. feel free to have this arena sink into the ground and be replaced with a better arena for us to fight in, if you'd like.

[Abomination]

"Errgh..." Came the sound from the inn room, with The Homunculus gripping his right arm's triceps with his left hand like it was about to split open. Along the underside of his right arm was a shape that protruded along his skin all the way to his shoulder. His right arm was rigid, and there was a strange shape right under his armpit that resembled... "The damn handle. This is harder than I thought..."

After his trip to the armory, Homun attempted to assimilate his new weaponry and armor. It proved to be an arduous task, as he wasn't able to bend and shape his body to his will very well. By pressing his arm down upon the flat sword on the table, he was able to absorb it right into that spot, and the next few moments were filled with what could be described as excruciating plain as his body changed to accommodate the blade. Not only that, but it became compressed, merged with his very skin, and at the end became entirely unnoticeable. This was the essence of assimilation, which means his original hypothesis was right. Luckily for him, his tolerance of pain was abnormally high.

He looked at the steel chain mail that was lying on the bed, along with the rest of the equipment he purchased at the Radasanthian Bazaar (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=12229) today, "Now, to put it to the test..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Thank you, your opponent is in Room 23," said the monk as he retracted his clipboard with the registry sheet on it.

It was the first time Homun had used the name Homun Culus before in print. He knew that the name meant something, but what would happen if someone else figured it out before he did? It was a dangerous business, so he decided to avoid giving out his name unnecessarily. In this case, he heeded the advice of the memories of those he assimilated: Do not cause trouble with the monks. As he walked to the appointed location, he wondered if he would meet that Teric Bloodrose again. He promised him a good fight next time, but at this moment he didn't feel like he could deliver. He had to gain some form of battle tactics in order to produce a challenge. Flailing his weapons around like a wild beast wasn't cutting it anymore. In this sense, The Citadel was the perfect place to go. In order to permanently assimilate someone, they had to satisfy two criteria: be as strong or stronger than him; and he had to test their memories and abilities in some exerting manner such as a battle.

Stepping inside, he walked into a sandy arena surrounded by stone bleachers with a couple of unoccupied bull pens at one side. Immediately agitated by his sixth sense of potential assimilations, he started looking around and then noticed the white outline. He had figured out a while ago that these outlines mean that, at the very least, these people were not weaker than Homun. Only The Homunculus could see these outlines, except under the influence of an assimilation. Anyway, the guy was pretty short, wore some fancy clothing, and had a black cape for extra fanciness. Well, his first goal was to make some contact and start up the assimilation process. He tried his hardest to remain calm, as he knew his intense hunger would be satiated soon. Even so, he was nervously twitching and had a wild look in his eyes.

Grinning with one hand on his short sword sheath, he said, "Shall I come up there for you or... ?"

[Edward Judorne]

Sorry for the wait. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=12647)

Edward watched as the man came into the room. Was The Citadel playing tricks on him again? Throwing only weak opponents his way? He didn't know, but there was something about this guy's cocky attitude that made him suspect the answer was no.

"You could come up here, I suppose, but I think for the sake of this fight, I'll go down to you." Edward said, and rushed to within 4 feet of his foe before firing a close range electric missle. He needed to test this guy's reflexes and skills early on in the fight in order to come up with a decent strategy.

[Abomination]

As the man descended down to the arena, Homun drew his sword and held it out in front of him with both hands. The word of the day was tactics, he couldn't run around swinging his arms blindly anymore. It just wasn't cutting it. Although, nothing could've prepared him for what came next. He looked on in curiosity as something formed in front of Edward and then instantly propelled itself out towards The Homunculus. It was like some sort of streak of lightning, and he was caught totally off guard.

The electricity struck Homun and his entire body shook violently from the current running through his body. His head was leaned entirely back and his hands were outstretched, his right just barely holding onto his sword. His eyes were milky whites as his mouth hung open throughout the attack. At the end of it, his body stopped shaking and a steam rose off his body. He smelled the distinct scent of bacon and the pupils returned to his eyes. He tried to step forward and almost tripped, his breath hard and slow. His skin immediately started regenerating from the light burns, but it wasn't a fast nor noticeable process. Snapping out of this trance, he gripped his sword with both hands again. He's not going to make a fool out of me!

He charged forward as he did many times before, his sword held behind him so that his left elbow was in front of his nose and his right hand was to the right of his head, holding the handle of the sword that was pointing toward the ceiling. As he got to Edward, he swung diagonally downward, ready to follow-up with numerous swings and thrusts.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward was prepared for the charge move when it came, and he didn't sit still for long. He jumped back repeatedly, dodging his foe's strikes without too much effort. Right now, Edward was just playing with his opponent. testing his abilities, if you will. Edward didn't do this often, but he was making an exception because he wanted to try out some new techniques.

"So, how long you think you can keep up with me? I don't think you understand what you are getting in to, attacking me like that. I don't go down too easily, and I could easily..." Edward started to say, shooting an electrical missle as his back hit the wall.

"As I was saying. you make it too easy to counterattack when your moves are so predictable." Edward said, finishing his sentence.

If the people in the Citadel were going to keep throwing him easy opponents, then, by gum, he was going to try to make this opponent tougher. Until this guy put up a decent fight, Edward refused to even draw his rapier.

[Abomination]

Swish! A miss. Swish! Another miss. Swish! What was going on? Homun couldn't connect anything. The limitations of his body was evident, not to mention it was simple to avoid his careless swings by backing up. Still, there should be something he could do. The talking was getting on his nerves as well.

Suddenly, he heard something. It was the man's back hitting the wall of this sandy arena. About a foot above his head, the bleachers started, so the full breadth of his back was against that wall. Homun saw it. Opportunity! He knew the electrical missile was coming, for he saw it before. The blue streak of lightning was something he was intimately familiar with now, and there was nothing to fear. Well, aside from the terrible shock and burning. He didn't care, however, he was about to do something unexpected. Something that only someone of his high pain tolerance could achieve.

He ignored it.

Dropping his sword to avoid the extra shock from it being a conductor, he took the attack in its entirety. He doubted he would be able to grip it during the shock anyway. As his body shook and electricity coursed through his body, his skin peeling off, he charged right at Edward whose back was still to the wall. His arms were outstretched all the way to his right and left, so he had the most chance of grabbing this man. All he had to do was get one touch. One little tap. With a mad glare in his eyes, he intended to wrap his arms around this man and squeeze the life out of him.

[Edward Judorne]

This was a new one on Edward. His Electric missle was never really meant to be strong, but people usually at least tried to avoid his attacks. If this guy was always going to be this unpredictable, there was no way to form a strategy around it.

Right now, though, he had to worry about the matter at hand. His foe had backed him into a corner and appeared to be charging him with arms spread wide open as if he now wanted to hug Edward. This was an interesting tactic, and Judorne was barely able to dodge to the right as his foe went in for the grab, but even as he dodged, he felt the skin of his foe's left hand make contact with his left arm for a brief second.

Edward had severely underestimated his foe already and figured it was about time to pull out all the stops. He unsheathed his rapier as quickly as he could and shot an electric missle at it, so as to send his foe a shock whether the rapier met steel or skin.

"Come on, I'm ready to fight for real now." Edward said, making a wide horizontal strike at his foe.

[Abomination]

One, two, three! One, two, three! And thrust! And thrust! He recalled days of practice, nights of strategy; weeks of training. Memories that were not his own. Memories of a more experienced, dedicated half-elf. Homun had not yet changed as his foe struck at him, but he jumped back to avoid it. It was a familiar swing, a wide and revealing swing. To his right and to Edward's left was the wall.

With a wizened, more firm voice befitting a nobleman, "Foolish attack. Your stance is too wide! Your power is too weak!"

Homun's hair grew down to his shoulders and turned black, his coat turned into a long black cape that trailed down to his knees and wrapped itself around his upper chest. His face, unlike its usual bestial vigor, now had a more refined look much like Edward's own. His burns healed up, removing the redness and most of the blistery skin and replacing it with a quality unlike the kind he had before. It was still a far cry from Edward's own appearance, but it was something in-between. It was Homun's first assimilation after his encounter with Jacob, and he already felt like he had a much better grasp at this stuff than the previous Homunculus incarnation.

"I'm also ready to fight... for real!"

Homun charged at Edward with sword in hand, but he stopped just short of striking range to do something else. He released an electric missile at the half-elf. Yet, he didn't stop there. Stepping forward and widening his stance, he struck at Edward's right shoulder. The way he was moving now, it was as if he actually knew about fencing. There was another memory creeping up in his head, and he had a very vivid recollection of it because it involved someone else he assimilated before: Luc Kraus. How to use this against the half-elf was still a mystery to him.

[Edward Judorne]

"Wait... What?" Was all Edward could think of saying at this point. It wasn't as if he didn't know that what his foe was saying was true, but just moments ago this creature was swinging in quite a sloppy fashion himself. Now he seemed to have a sudden jump in fighting smarts as he noticed and pointed out Edward's slight flaws.

As if Edward wasn't confused enough already, the man suddenly started to transform into a Pseudo-Edward. This Pseudo-Judorne was still a bit ugly, but it was a pretty impressive transformation, nonetheless. Edward was pretty sure the transformation wasn't just for show either. He couldn't be entirely certain, but something told him he was soon to be fighting what would equate to a mirror image of himself. The foe came in with his sword at ready, but Edward stood perfectly still instead of attempting to dodge. He knew what he'd be doing if he was in his foe's position, assuming that he guessed his foe's position correctly, that is.

Edward was pretty sure if he gained new powers and the mental capacity to formulate better strategies, he'd want to test them out right away. Edward was pretty sure this move was going to be a fake-out. The man had already demonstrated he had the prince's thought process when he critiqued Edward's last move with pinpoint accuracy. The question in Edwards mind wasn't whether or not his foe had his strategy, but whether or not Edwards moves were in his control.

As Edward watched, he saw what he had been waiting for, the Electric Missle came at him quite fast, and had Edward not thought about what he would do if he was facing himself, he would have been hit by it. As things stood, though, Edward blocked it with his rapier, taking even more electricity into it. The follow-up attack was a bit of a shock to Edward, and he only avoided it by the skin of his teeth.

"I'll confess, you caught me off guard there, but you still had a bit of wind-up to your attack. I have to admit that I never thought I'd have to outwit myself, though." Edward said as he attempted to counter the attack with a punch to the gut while his foe was still pulling his weapon back from his attempt at Edward's shoulder. This tactic was one Edward had never used before, but the prince knew that if he used any of his usual tactics, the wouldn't work. Just like Edward was able to see the creature's attack coming, the creature would likely see Edward's attacks coming unless they were not part of the best strategy for the situation. The move was risky at best, but the effect might be worth it if it hit.

[Abomination]

Homun was enraged when Edward saw through his ruse so quickly. Edward obviously had a very well-defined sense of self to see that Homun's attacks matched his own. It also meant that perhaps Homun was too telling in his pre-assimilation actions, but otherwise it was a pretty big leap in logic for his opponent. His anger quickly subsided when he realized he could use his opponent's own deductive reasoning to his advantage.

More importantly, if Edward knew that Homun was mimicking him, then he would likely do something to throw off Homun's preconceptions about him! This was a leap in logic unlike that of the Homunculus, so it must've been Edward's influence on him. Also, the rapier seemed to be absorbing electricity, holding the current, and not transferring it to its holder. This must've been a special weapon that Homun lacked, or it was simply another property of Edward's electricity. Does that mean that Homun was now immune to Edward's attacks as well? That meant... he could take some more damage. If it was a war of attrition, he could see no other victor than himself. While the half-elf knew what Homun had done, he did not know what Homun was, which was something the latter could still exploit.

So when he saw his electric attack had failed, he continued with the stabbing motion regardless, begging his opponent to counter-attack. With his exposed stomach to his foe, Edward took advantage of this opportunity and struck Homun in the gut. He felt pressure, the feeling of his chest pulling back and pushing the same force upon the fist as it dealt to Homun. It was like punching iron, but at the same time, it was still like hitting someone's skin. This was the advantage Homun was looking for. He was wearing armor; compressed, contorted, underneath his skin. It was the armor he put on earlier this day. He still felt pain, the feeling of his wind being knocked out, but his ribs were intact, and the reduced damage allowed him to counter-attack just as quickly. Homun had stepped into the attack, which left his right arm still dangling to the side of Edward's shoulder, but his left arm was free.

Immediately after taking the damage, he pressed his left hand up against Edward's own chest and said, "Save your criticism for your long stay in hell!"

A sword bloodily erupted, the blade rushing out from the underside of his left hand. It was also one of the pieces of equipment he had placed into his body before the fight. This was the second and final test of his experiment. He was going to skewer this man who foolishly thought he was only fighting a clone of himself. Assimilation wasn't merely a form of cloning, it was evolution.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward wasn't sure what to make of this, he had just gone in for a gut punch of his own, the man appeared to be making the same move he had just made. This was beyond stupid, but then again, so was Edward's gut punch. Edward quickly sidestepped the incoming punch, but the creature had another surprise in store for him. Edward's left side suddenly got pierced by a blade, that Edward could have never seen coming.

"I know what you are, I've met some of your kind before. I can't say that I was impressed though. You though have peaked my interest. You have obviously exceeded the skills of your friends." Edward said, incorrectly assuming what his foe was.

A while back, he had met some evil beasts that transformed into whoever they were fighting. They seemed to possess all the skills and battle knowhow of whoever they chose to mimic, and seeing how Edward was fighting a foe with the same traits, it was only natural that he would assume this was the same creature the minute his foe showed a great increase in intelligence. There was no other explanation for suddenly being able to analyze Edward's move, and when it transformed, that confirmed it for Edward. After all, the creature he was thinking of took on the visual appearance of it's foe.

Edward coughed up blood and smiled. This foe was proving to be a challenge, and it was more advanced than the shadows, as Edward called them, in at least one way. The shadows could only use the attacks of those they were fighting. There was a sword in the side of Edward that was protruding from his foe's arm that seemed to say this wasn't the case with this guy.

"I suppose you can already notice your slight mistake with.... that move..." Edward said, losing quite a bit of blood. Edward was talking about the fact that as long as the weapon was stuck protruding from his foe's arm and stuck in his side, dodging would be tough. That plus the fact that Metal conducted electricity and if any metal was still protruding from his foe's arm when electricity touched the metal, it could prove to be quite interesting.

Of course, the metal was also stuck in Edward's side, but this gave edward an Idea. Nobody would be stupid enough to hurt themselves in order to hurt the enemy, which is exactlly why Edward did what he was about to do. Edward pushed his foe's blade out of his side with his own rapier letting the electricity in his Rapier transfer over to his foe's weapon. Sure, it would really hurt himself, but Edward didn't feel like attempting anything too logical because his opponent, as Edward, would see it coming.

[Abomination]

Save your criticism in your long stay in hell? What was I thinking? Homun's speech patterns had obviously changed with this transformation. In fact, he couldn't recall saying a word before it. He thought the man's insistence of dialogue in the middle of a fight was stupid, but now he was imitating it.

With the succession of catching Edward off guard, Homun felt assured that this battle was already won. In a battle of attrition, he knew his longevity, elastic capabilities, and regeneration would serve him better than whatever mortal tools his opponent had at his disposal. Hell, it never occurred to Homun that he was ageless. Not immortal per se, but seemingly incapable of distinguishing time aside from assimilations. The blade extending from his hand was now deep within Edward's side, which meant that the rest of his weapons were able to easily connect with the half-elf's body.

Still, the bastard sought fit to speak in his ill condition. His claims were annoying at best, but they found a unique attention in the Homunculus that his previous words did not. Friends? Others like me? Were the main questions of the day. Wait, he could search the man's memory could he not? If there was something in there about him, could he not find the association quickly? There was something... but it did not draw the kind of familiarity with the Homunculus that he expected. A memory of a clone, a mirror, a shadow? Is this why he immediately knew of Homun's plan? Still, this was incorrect. Homun did not merely copy his opponents, he devoured their very essence into his being. The ultimate goal was to take only the good and forget the bad, leaving only the perfect being. Still, if this is what Edward thought, Homun could use this to his adva----

BZZZT!

Electricity ran down his the blade of his sword and into his body, stopping all thought processes and replacing them with pain. Although this time, he saw something in his daze. A very strong memory, the recollection of a man named Zephyriah. Indeed, this memory was part of the previous one involving copies and clones. Who was this creature? Edward seemed to have a very high opinion of him, in fact he was quite powerful. A man of great power, and the memories of him were so sharp... so defined...

During the shock, Homun's appearance changed. His already-long hair turned a dull white with black tips, the visible portions of his body became red and scaly except for his face, his eyes lavender, and his facial features became well-defined to the point where he and the man named Zephyriah were nearly identical in looks. Two scaly, non-functional red wings burst out of his back.

"No!" he yelled in a voice identical to Zephyriah's, and as the sword was pushed out Homun stepped in, taking the brunt of the electrical blast and shoving the sword deeper into Edward. "I am the devourer! Just as I have devoured Zephyriah, I shall unmake you! YoU hAVe no idea wHat YOu haVe gotteN INto!!" His voice cracked at the last statement, and it ended up sounding half-Zephyriah and half-Homunculus.

It was a lie, but it played right to Edward's feelings. He couldn't use any of Zephyriah's abilities, and pieced together his appearance just from Edward's memory. With his skin boiling and his vision blurring from the shock, Homun fought the pain with all his might and attempted to move the rest of his body. He brought his right arm, which had been extended this whole time, back and threw it to his right. He then brought it in and attempted to decapitate his opponent. At the same time, using his vicinity with Edward, from his chest erupted a dagger that headed right for Edward's throat. Homun stepped in again, but Edward's attack was taking its toll on his mind. The memories were swirling around uncontrollably now, and the neurons in his brain were rightfully disturbed. The part of his body not covered in fake scales turned red and began blistering, his very skin almost melting off from the heat. Murderous rage literally boiled all over his body. His assimilation time was running out, and even if it risked killing him, he had to end this.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward stared at the creature before him. It was hurting, but then again, so was he. In retrospect it probably wasn't the smartest of ideas to electrify himself and his foe at the same time. In fact, it was likely the dumbest idea he'd had yet. In a fight where strategy lead to failure, having no strategy was the best strategy, but now the creature no longer seemed to be in the same form. This meant Edward could at least strategize again.

Although afraid of the sight before him, something perked his interest about this fight's new twist. It was the claim the creature made to have devoured Zephyriah, there was something nagging in the back of his mind about this claim, but he was unable to figure it out at the moment. The pain was getting to his head, making it hard to pinpoint certain details from his past.

"So, Now you are Zeph..." Edward said, deciding to believe him for the moment. Edward decided not to speak too much anymore at this point, so as not to waste too much energy. It was probably a good thing too, because if he had spoken another word his throat would have been pierced and his head cut off by this creature's latest attack. As it was, Edward was lucky to have ducked under it, considering the fact that Zephyriah would rely on his on moves and Edward, up until now thought this was Zephyriah. There appeared to be no way around it, Edward had to act quickly if he wanted to win, as he was losing blood.

Edward knew that the person in front of him was just trying to play with his mind at this point. This was not Zephyriah. It also wasn't himself anymore, which meant if ever was a good time to employ tactics, now would be that time. Edward got ready to shoot an electric beam at the fake as he swung his rapier upwards diagonally from the lower left to the upper right part of his enemy's body. Wherever his foe moved to dodge the blow, Edward was ready to fire off his Shock beam. Heck, even if it missed, the 5 seconds it was out, was easily enough to try to reaim it.

[Abomination]

It was all over. He couldn't keep up this charade anymore. As his wide swing missed, he was at the mercy of a powerful counter-attack. He couldn't afford being hit by this, so he pulled his sword-hand out of Edward's body and jumped back, narrowly avoiding the rapier and the stinging sensation that accompanied it. Well, not so much a stinging sensation as electrocution, but at the distance he dodged, that's what it was.

The attack did not end there. Homun was immediately hit by some sort of sustained shock attack. He tried to negate it with his copied electrical abilities, but he was quickly losing his strength and succumbed to the damage. The shock was no longer painful, it was just numbing. He couldn't feel parts of his body anymore. Falling to his knees, his appearance returned to what it was before the assimilation. His hands hit the ground in front of him, his very skin almost melting off from last step of his assimilation; namely, the magnification of all the damage he suffered this far. It was like an enormous shock, but without the electricity. Fighting all logic and reasoning, he stood up, his body teetering on the edge of failure. His skin was burned and red, yet his eyes still maintained their piercing glare of his opponent.

His voice was deep and gritty, old and slow, "You... talk... too... much."

With that, he started tilting backwards. His eyes began to close, his balance was becoming lost, and his senses were fading. It was a familiar feeling... to lose himself. As a self-sustaining creature, he had no need for sleep. The feeling of exhaustion, of the loss of consciousness, was perhaps the only peace this creature had. He fell backwards, landing on the sand covering it with blood. He lost consciousness, with the last thought still reaching for the kind of power he long wished to have.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward collapsed from blood loss shortly thereafter. He had been hanging on through willpower alone, and although the battle was won, this also meant he had no reason left to stay concious, especially considering the fact that the citadel workers would just heal him anyway.

"Good... show..." Edward said, just before collapsing. When Edward woke up, he began to look for his opponent in the citadel. If for no other reason, he had a question that he needed answered.

[Abomination]

Homun woke with a start, lifting his body so that he was sitting upright with his eyes madly darting around the room. It was a small room and he was in the only bed, and a monk appeared to be reading something from a book across the room. Homun tried to say something, but his mouth was covered in bandages. In fact, he appeared to be entirely encased in the stuff except for one of his eyes and two holes in the nose for breathing. The room smelled of some soothing incense.

"Oh!" motioned the monk, a bit surprised. "This is rare. You should be asleep for a few more hours. Don't worry, I'll just--"

"Mmphmphh!!" said Homun, putting his bandaged hand up in an attempt to stop the monk. Annoyed at this, he started ripping the bandages off and exposing his newly-formed pink flesh. Once the wrappings around his mouth came off, he said, "Don't touch me!"

The monk paused while he observed the Homunculus. It appeared to have healed entirely on its own accord. Still, it was extremely rare for the fighter to wake up before it was time to. He decided to play it safe.

The monk pointed at the door, "You're free to go, then. Thank you for coming to The Citadel, and have a nice day."

Homun got out of the bed and found that under the bandages, he was fully clothed. In fact, they were the same clothes he was wearing before, but their quality was the same as before all the shocking. His ability was not just regeneration, it was reassembly at the molecular level.

Homun turned to the monk and stated, "Your healing... it is similar to mine. Tell me how you do it! Where it comes from!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Trade secret and all that."

The Homunculus wasn't pleased at this response, but he knew better than to mess with these people. There had to be a way to get what he wanted out of them. At this point, he remembered his opponent. The electricity was annoying, but repeated exposure to it may have toughened the Homunculus. Also, the weapons and armor seemed to function as intended. He had a new mission: Jam as many weapons into his unique body as he could. He forgot about Edward, and immediately walked to the door to find his way out.

He thought of one more question before that, however, "Do you know... where I can find opponents of great power?"

The monk answered far too quickly, "Besides here, there's The Dajas Pagoda. It's more of a tiered system so those at the top should be quite powerful."

Homun smiled and walked out the door, on his way to The Dajas Pagoda.

Requested Spoils--
New ability: Pain Tolerance, allows Homun to willfully ignore the sensation of pain and resist the urge to end the painful experience.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward looked around frantically. There was no sign of his foe anywhere. This hardly made any sense to Edward, and as he continued to search in vain, the questions he had continued to mount up.

That thing he fought wasn't a shadow like he first thought. a shadow needed to see something to transform into it. this guy transformed into Zephyriah at will. If not a shadow, what was he?

The creature seemed to talk about Zephyriah, as if he met him recently, but Edward had no clue how this was possible. How did his foe know Zephyriah?

Last time Edward saw Zephyriah, he got dragged into another dimension. Was Zephyriah still alive?

What did the creature mean when he said he had absorbed Zephyriah?

Edward shook his head as he tried in vain to make sense of any of this. As he walked outthe door, he wondered if he'd ever see the creature again.

[Breaker]

Strategy be damned
Battle Judgement

Edward Judorne's scores are in blue. Homunculus' are in red.

STORY

Continuity ~ 4 ~ 5
You both gave me a little background, and some decent reasoning for being there. However, there was nothing particularly griping about the storyline, as you both used pretty cliche ideas. Homunculus' "trying out my new abilities" seemed a little more genuine than Edward's "just here to relax", so Homun gets the edge here.

Setting ~ 3 ~ 4
This category disapointed me. With the exception of your initial descriptions (neither of which were anything special), the only time the setting came into play was when Edward hit the wall, and that didn't really effect the events. I urge you both to use your surroundings, to your character's advantage or to their detriment. Also, the setting should usually be innvolved in every place, and use all five senses when you describe it. Homunculus' descriptions did paint a better picture for me, so again he gets the edge.

Pacing ~ 5 ~ 6
I bumped you both up a point from my initial scoring, because in retrospect I realized that both of your characters did, in a sense, accomplish what they wanted to do. However, you did it in such a roundabout way, and to be frank I found this a boring read. Battles should be anything but boring.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 3 ~ 5
Edward... I've told you this before, and so have other judges. And so did Homun, ICly, for that matter. Your character talks way too much in battle. Besides that, his dialogue does nothing to illustrate his character, it just seems to be there for the sake of saying something. Homun, I liked most of what you did-- the assimilation dialogue changes were neat. I'd like to see you take the character Homun further though. He's a very original guy, with a very original perception of the world. I'd like to see some very original internal dialogue from him.

Action ~ 2 ~ 5

Edward: For a guy with average fencing skills, Judorne predicts his opponent's moves way too much, and dodges way too often. And if you're going to evade something, at least explain how. Saying "he dodged it" is not good enough; it's anticlimactic and alienates the reader. Also... Edward got stabbed. In the side. With a sword. Here's a little lesson on what that's like. He would probably keel over, sweating, gasping for air, and curl up in a ball around his wounded kidney. When a pointed weapon penetrates the body (especially an area like the side of the torso) the muscles naturally clench up around it to hold it in place. This makes it very difficult to pull said foreign object out. There is no way Edward would be smiling and speaking calmly after that. If he was wounded badly enough to cough up blood, he would be dead in a few minutes if not seconds. And he certainly would not be jumping around dodging more attacks after pulling a sword out of himself. Honestly, I feel generous giving you a 2, and if you don't start putting some realistic action in your battles and stop powergaming, you're liable to see some zeroes in this area.

Homun: This is kind of a side note/suggestion, but please, in your next profile update, make it easier to understand. I felt like I was wading through a swamp in stone shoes reading all the rules of assimilation. It seemed like you followed all the rules though, and even if you went beyond your abilities (I wasn't too sure with the Zeph morph), I'm not going to dock you because you did a good job in not freaking out too much over your opponent's powergaming. What I'd really like to see as an improvement is a little more detail, so I know exactly how Homun is attacking. A few times you were a bit vague. Also, try to avoid using passive voice quite so much during the action sequences. It tends to bog them down and interrupt the flow. I'm also hoping that at later levels to see some more unique moves on Homun's part. Those elastic arms are cool-- you should use them!

Persona ~ 3 ~ 6
Edward seemed extremely bland and dull, without anything that caught my attention. At this point, I don't know what to tell you except go read some higher level writing, either some of the Althanas "elite" or a decent author. Recently I've been reading novels by Nelson Demille, and I must say his character work is giving me some new perspectives, so try him if you're stuck. Homun, for all that he is based around lack of personality, actually had more personality than Edward. Nothing really dazzled me here though, and again, I think you can be more original.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 2 ~ 4
Edward, I couldn't find any evidence of you making an effort to use any outstanding technique. I'm sorry if these comments are getting harsh, but I feel like I've told you all this before, and on more than one occasion. Implement a decent storyline with some foreshadowing, use literary devices, and not only will your writing read better, you won't end up with those tiny posts. Homun, you didn't seem to put out a huge effort here either. A few times it seemed like you might be foreshadowing something, but it didn't really pan out. Also, try to avoid using cliches as metaphors. Simile and metaphor should be unique rather than generic, and they can actually help to bring out your character a lot.

Mechanics ~ 5 ~ 5

Clarity ~ 4 ~ 5

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 2 ~ 4

TOTAL ~ 33/100 ~ 49/100

EXP and GP Rewards

Homunculus receives 750 EXP and 400 GP
Edward Judorne receives 150 EXP and 100 GP

Other Rewards

Homun receives an oak and linen jack-in-the-box with a small dent in one corner. The crank is brass and when turned, a jester with tiny knives pops out.

Edward receives a paperback novel of horror stories written by soldiers who have been wounded in the field. For some reason, all the sections about stab wounds are circled and underlined.

Final comment: If either of you want any additional assistance feel free to catch me on AIM.

EDIT: Whoops, Homunculus' requested spoil is approved for now, pending further approval in your next profile update (you may need to work out the specifics with an RoG mod, but I doubt it will be an issue.)

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!