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styles1005
02-24-08, 06:22 PM
Name: Kerthan
Apparent Age: 34
Actual Age: 1056
Race Void Elf
Hair color: Blood Red
Eye Color: Completely black; no pupils
Height: 5" 11'
Weight: 147 lbs.
Occupation Mechanic-Warrior
Personality: Withdrawn; generally keeps to himself, but can be vicious when angered.
Appearance Shady, usually avoided on the premise that he looks like a criminal or mercenary.
History: Kerthan is a Void Elf, an elf raised from the dead and given supernatural powers by Death himself for the purpose of harvesting souls from the earth. Though he has no memory of his previous life, in the more than 10 1/2 centuries since he was sent to the earth he has learned many skills such as his ability to send a rush of blood to his extremities, granting him strength even greater than that given to him by Death. (see Abilities: Skills)
He has wandered the earth, killing most of his acquaintances in order to prevent him from feeling too many emotions. He fears these would weaken his ability to kill, and Death is not kind to those who lose their edge.
Abilities:

Racial:
Improved Strength: Death has given Kerthan a level of strength unknown to regular humans. He can lift weights of up to 70 pounds, but tires quickly as he approaches this limit, and at his maximum can barely sustain the weight long enough to hurl it out of his way. He can also send a weight of 25 pounds flying for up to 5 yards if he slams into it, more with a fair amount of momentum. His punches can crack small pieces of wood, and his kicks have been known to snap 1/2" wooden barriers in half.

Agility: Kerthan can move at speeds of 15-25 mph, jump up to three feet horizontally and over 2 1/2 vertically, and attack quite fast. He can also maneuver at high speeds to avoid obstacles.

Skills
Tinkering: Kerthan can build machines with almost anything available to him. However, most of the machines he builds are not very powerful, so he must rely on his own abilities for most tasks.

Rush: With this ability, Kerthan suddenly increases the flow of blood to certain extremities, allowing him to perform feats beyond his natural abilities as a Void Elf.

Martial Arts: Kerthan is skilled at martial arts, being able to fight moderately well when weaponless, as well as being fast-thinking in order to think of attacks to react to most situations.

Spells

Shadowflame: Summons a magical flame that radiates cold instead of heat and black light instead of visible light. When this flame touches an enemy it chills them heavily rather than burning them.

Equipment:

Weapons:
Bow of Kylarth: Kerthan discovered this in the ruins of an ancient city called Kylarth, and has since christened it the Bow of Kylarth. In addition, the bow can shapeshift into a whip when necessary. He, however, is not skilled with the bow as of yet, and has a hard time hitting his target. He usually only uses it in whip form.

Shadow Gauntlets: These are listed in both the Weapon and Armor categories due to the fact that besides being made of pure iron, their main feature is that they are covered in barbed spikes.

Armor:

Shadow Gauntlets: These are listed in both the Weapon and Armor categories due to the fact that besides being made of pure iron, their main feature is that they are covered in barbed spikes.

Thanks for the advice! By the way, I haven't added 'marksmanship' because, as I forgot to mention this in the last post, he isn't very good with the bow. I have edited to show this.

Cyrus the virus
02-24-08, 06:37 PM
Althanas is a different world from earth, and while it's not necessary, you might want to change your history to reflect that.

Rather than go through this systematically, I'll let you know that your character needs to be much, much, much weaker than you have him here. Here are some examples of appropriate power levels: Here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=12517), here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=12441).

Your character should be about as strong as a generic soldier in any particular military, not powerful enough to lift so much weight or run so fast. So give it another go and post to let me know you've edited, and I'll take another look.

Also, we do not use 'MP' here. Your equipment is also going to be very basic, with no strong enchantments whatsoever, and they must be made of steel or a weaker material.

Cyrus the virus
02-26-08, 06:11 AM
I see you've edited. In the future, make a new post in this thread after you've made your edits, that way I'll notice a lot sooner!

Your edits make your character a lot more reasonable, but he is still a little bit too powerful.

Keep two of your 3 racial abilities (strength, agility or speed) and get rid of one, for now.

I can't allow your character to bring life to objects yet, as that's a pretty powerful ability. He can still be a good mechanic, though, and you can probably add the life-giving at your level up. I'm also going to ask that he not be skilled enough to create anything complex, so nothing like guns, explosives, or moving machines as big as a house. Little trinkets for now, alright?

Please keep in mind that being 'skilled' in martial arts should make him about as capable as an average fighter. Edit in that detail for me. Also, you should have 'marksmanship' or something similar under your skills to reflect how skilled he is with the bow.

When using 'Darkness', it shouldn't be able to negate all light spells. It can, however, weaken them a little bit. As you level up, this can have a greater effect.

Void Essence has to go for now.

Shadowflame shouldn't act as an instant-kill spell, just so you know, just chill an enemy to the bone or something similar (kind of an awesome spell!). I just wanted to clarify that.

I know it seems like a lot, but you're almost done :)

styles1005
02-26-08, 04:01 PM
Name: Kerthan
Apparent Age: 34
Actual Age: 1056
Race Void Elf
Hair color: Blood Red
Eye Color: Completely black; no pupils
Height: 5" 11'
Weight: 147 lbs.
Occupation Mechanic-Warrior
Personality: Withdrawn; generally keeps to himself, but can be vicious when angered.
Appearance Shady, usually avoided on the premise that he looks like a criminal or mercenary.
History: Kerthan is a Void Elf, an elf raised from the dead and given supernatural powers by Death himself for the purpose of harvesting souls from the earth. Though he has no memory of his previous life, in the more than 10 1/2 centuries since he was sent to the earth he has learned many skills such as his ability to send a rush of blood to his extremities, granting him strength even greater than that given to him by Death. (see Abilities: Skills)
He has wandered the earth, killing most of his acquaintances in order to prevent him from feeling too many emotions. He fears these would weaken his ability to kill, and Death is not kind to those who lose their edge.
Abilities:

Racial:
Improved Strength: Death has given Kerthan a level of strength unknown to regular humans. He can lift weights of up to 70 pounds, but tires quickly as he approaches this limit, and at his maximum can barely sustain the weight long enough to hurl it out of his way. He can also send a weight of 25 pounds flying for up to 5 yards if he slams into it, more with a fair amount of momentum. His punches can crack small pieces of wood, and his kicks have been known to snap 1/2" wooden barriers in half.

Agility: Kerthan can move at speeds of 15-25 mph, jump up to three feet horizontally and over 2 1/2 vertically, and attack quite fast. He can also maneuver at high speeds to avoid obstacles.

Skills
Tinkering: Kerthan can build machines with almost anything available to him. However, most of the machines he builds are not very powerful, so he must rely on his own abilities for most tasks.

Rush: With this ability, Kerthan suddenly increases the flow of blood to certain extremities, allowing him to perform feats beyond his natural abilities as a Void Elf.

Martial Arts: Kerthan is skilled at martial arts, being able to fight moderately well when weaponless, as well as being fast-thinking in order to think of attacks to react to most situations.

Spells

Shadowflame: Summons a magical flame that radiates cold instead of heat and black light instead of visible light. When this flame touches an enemy it chills them heavily rather than burning them.

Equipment:

Weapons:
Bow of Kylarth: Kerthan discovered this in the ruins of an ancient city called Kylarth, and has since christened it the Bow of Kylarth. In addition, the bow can shapeshift into a whip when necessary. He, however, is not skilled with the bow as of yet, and has a hard time hitting his target. He usually only uses it in whip form.

Shadow Gauntlets: These are listed in both the Weapon and Armor categories due to the fact that besides being made of pure iron, their main feature is that they are covered in barbed spikes.

Armor:

Shadow Gauntlets: These are listed in both the Weapon and Armor categories due to the fact that besides being made of pure iron, their main feature is that they are covered in barbed spikes.

Thanks for the advice! By the way, I haven't added 'marksmanship' because, as I forgot to mention this in the last post, he isn't very good with the bow. I have edited to show this.

Cyrus the virus
02-26-08, 04:07 PM
Alrighty, I actually meant to edit your first post, then make a new post saying something like "I edited!" :p That's cool, though.

Okay, lower his max speed to 25, and get rid of either one of your racial enhancements or one of his spells. Then you're ready to rock.

styles1005
02-26-08, 04:15 PM
Okay, I've edited. Thanks very, very much for the advice!

styles1005
02-26-08, 04:25 PM
By the way, am I approved now? Just curious, I'm not quite clear on that yet and don't want to risk breaking any rules.

Cyrus the virus
02-26-08, 04:33 PM
You are now! Hooha. Have fun!