No news is good news

[Tsukiko]

(closed)

Tsukiko enjoyed the woods of her homeland. If there was a favorite place it was this forest for it was here that she almost always played with her sibling and her few friends. The large redwood trees loomed like towers that no one would bring down. Tsukiko tried once to bring down a tree with a sword and only broke the blade with hardly a scratch on the tree.

The place was calm and it could only bring the girl to smile as she wagged her fiery tail as she remembered dreaming of her childhood and how she was always the bandit queen when she played and she was forced to lose. It was the problem with being the youngest but when it came to contests of the sword the youngest kit was far better than any in the village and her home save for her mother. Ki could always win but she was a master and had tasted true adventure.

"I'll be as great as you mother." Tsukiko whispered as she climbed up to a branch and sat on it. "I just need to find a good adventure and I'll defeat my enemies and help those that need it." The one tail giggled. "I can't wait it'll be fun." The girl was heading to Yanbo Harbor, a port town that Ki often shopped at and had told Tsukiko that it was a good place for news. The best place to find adventure.

Tsukiko decided that it was no rush and she surveyed the forest in wonderment. It was such a peaceful place and she was sure that maybe there would be a good surprise, Ki said that she met Tsukiko's father in a forest like this. Perhaps there would be a nice surprise waiting for her if only she would look.

[The Archer]

Ai gained here (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4651&page=3)

It had been years since the silvery white kitsune had returned to her homeland. She'd lost her blood family almost five years before and had been rescued from the wolf demon that had slain them by a kitsune named Doji Ki and a lycanthropic fox named Seth. Seth had been so enamoured of Ki, so in love, that he hadn't even noticed her. He'd taken Ki as a mate, and had wanted no other.

Only months after she'd been rescued, Seth had gone off to war to keep Ki from going off herself and leaving her kits behind or orphaning them altogether. When he didn't return, she'd gone looking for him, only to find him in Radasanth, determined that for the good of his loved ones he couldn't go home.

The prevalida knife he'd given her had been stolen long ago, but she still carried the silver one, as well as his longbow and quiver, despite the fact that she couldn't draw the string back far enough to do anything useful with it. It was a memento. He'd noticed her, too late.

This forest held many memories, some of them good and some of them bittersweet. She brushed the trees with her slender fingertips, feeling the roughness of the bark and letting her long tails drag over the accumulation of leaves and dirt. She'd traveled around Corone for years, avoiding this place, but lately she'd been feeling a yearning to come back.

She still missed Seth, yes...but this was home, and she'd felt a strong yearning to return to it. The memories, though tinged with sadness, no longer opened a crumbling hole in her chest. She'd dealt with it, finally accepted it, and was starting to move on.

One must live in the world of the living, after all.

[Tsukiko]

While looking around Tsukiko noticed someone making her way. The fox girls good eye site could make out white hair and tail. "Sis?" Tsukiko whispered as she dropped down from the branch but then noticed it wasn't sis, this fox girl had more than one tail. Curiosity spurred the young vixen forward to the other vixen. She definitely wasn't Chiyo but she was a fellow kitsune and more friends was always a good thing.

"Hey there!" Tsu called out as she ran after the woman. Something was wrong with the way that woman walked, her steps seemed to have a sadness around them and she didn't have the strength of her mother.

I hope she doesn't think I'm some bandit. Tsukiko thought as she realized she was wearing her ninja armor and not her kimono. She was looking for adventure today, not going to tea with mom or the twins.

Once the red fox closed in she bowed with an "I'm sorry. I just saw you and wanted to say 'hi.' Also I was wondering what you're doing here? Sorry i guess I'm being too curious." Tsukiko bowed three more times in apology. She was being rather awkward tonight.

[The Archer]

Ai looked to the approaching girl with cocked ears, stepping delicately over a root as she did so. Her kind were rare, but it was even rarer for a young kitsune to go so long with only a single tail. The white fox had already had five tails by the time she was at that level of maturity.

A part blood, the silvery kitsune realized. Or something else entirely...

The bumbling awkwardness reminded her somewhat of a friend she hadn't seen in years, the kitsune that had helped Seth rescue her. I wonder what she's doing here? Whatever she may think, she's still just a kit...

She smelled of Ki's den, too, this kit, and Ai supposed that the mother of twins had found another lover and had a child. She felt a small glimmer of anger at Ki for not even caring enough to wait for word to come back before taking another lover, but she seemed to remember that Ki thought that as part animal, she was entitled to change lovers whenever she felt her hormones rise, despite the fact that foxes tended to mate for life.

"I'm...doing something someone very dear to me never had the chance to do, though it broke his heart to not be able to do it," she explained. "I'm coming home. My name is Ai. What's yours?"

[Tsukiko]

Tsukiko had to smile it seemed like the irony of fates to meet a woman that was returning to home. She did pause to think that maybe leaving home wasn't the wisest choice but then again she wasn't gone for good. This fox was truly beautiful to Tsukiko, had a body that was perfect even greater than her mothers and a grace that her mother didn't possess, she was a true lady.

"Oh Umm I'm Tsukiko, nice to meet you Ai." the younger kitsune curtsied with the scaled skirt of her domaru. "Ai's a perfect name for you, you're as pretty as love would be as a woman. I was named moon child in honor of my dad. Mom said he had a special connection to the moon." The girl started to blush as she was probably boring the woman.

"It's kinda funny that you're returning home just when I'm leaving and we meet like this. I'm going to find adventure, I'm a pretty good swordswoman, not as good as my mom but better than my brother and sister combined. I'm not bad with a bow as well." Tsukiko smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I need to be more modest. I just think I'm good enough with a sword to adventure and it seems like it's my calling in life."

[The Archer]

"Moon...child..."

Ai's silver eyes narrowed as she looked over the kit once more. She knew of no other lycanthropes that had lived in the forest at the right time for Tsukiko's conception. Seth had wanted a kit more than anything in the world...had he just given up too soon to meet her? Was it possible at all?

"I believe that I'm an old friend of your mother's. Your mother's name is Doji Ki, right? She had twin kits named Chiyo and Ryo the last time I saw her."

Had she judged Ki wrongly? Had she known about this, she'd have rushed Seth back home as fast as his legs could carry him. Just days before the hunter had come, he'd spoken of how much he'd wanted a child, to watch it grow up and teach it how to shoot. The white kitsune felt a chill go through her body, and her tails twitched a little as a tumult of conflicting and confusing emotions coursed their way through her stomach.

"And what...was your father's name?"

[Tsukiko]

Tsukiko felt a little strange and embarrassed. "You know my mom, and my brother and sis!" It was odd meeting an old friend of her mother's. It was hard to know what to talk about and strange that this woman could be friends with mom but be so different. But then again it wasn't too strange to be different and friends.

Tsukiko had to find the name of her father, she had heard it plenty of times but she was feeling nervous suddenly like she was on trial and had to answer right. "Mom said my father's name was Seth. She never told me his family name though. He was a brave man and a skilled archer and he was like a Kitsune but not one." Tsukiko thought for a moment and wondered if this woman knew about the father she never had.

Tsukiko always wondered what it was like to have a father. Sure Ki was one of the strongest women she knew but then again a father might be something different. Would Seth be stronger than Ki, would he be an iron fortress of a man? Probably not but would the time be different. "You know my father too? what's he like?" She was over excited even though the woman didn't say she knew her father but some how Tsukiko convinced herself that Ai knew her father.

[The Archer]

"I did know your father, yes... He was a lycanthrope, meaning that as the moon changed its phases, he changed shape. He was very brave, and very kind."

This kit didn't look a thing like her father, and she knew it would have broken Seth's heart if he'd known that he'd missed out on something he'd wanted to badly and could have had. But she knew it would have hurt him worse if anything he'd done had caused harm to a little life he would have valued over all others.

With a soft sigh, Ai gestured to the space in front of the kit, conjuring an illusion of the tall, handsome werefox with the gleaming black fur and the mis-matched eyes. She'd never seen eyes that had held so much sadness and despair as when she'd seen him in Radasanth, but she tried not to let her illusion reflect that. She wanted his kit to see her father as the cheerful, robust person he'd once been, rather than the miserable husk he'd been at the end.

"This is what he looked like...although I'm sure your mother has been able to show you before."

[Tsukiko]

Tsukiko looked at the image of the strong were fox. "Wow he has more fur than me and his hair's the same color as mom's." the Vixen reached out and tried to touch the image but felt nothing but air. "He looks like he'd be so soft and yet so strong." The kit smiled as tears gleamed in her eyes. "Mom never shown me this, she said I was going to see him some time, even if she had to swoop over the world as a dragon and take him in her talons." The fox girl smiled as she sat down.

"Do you know how he is? Is he alright? Is he happy?" Tsukiko asked hoping that he would be happy even though he never met his daughter and hadn't seen Ki in years. It was odd that her mother stopped adventuring soon after meeting Seth but Ki just said she was tired and just wanted to concentrate on caring for her kits.

Tsukiko looked at the image wishing she could hold her father that she had never seen. Maybe she should be angry for him abandoning Ki but Ki was happy and seemed to be fine with herself and there was no way Tsukiko could be angry if her mother was happy but still she wanted to see her father and hold him.

[The Archer]

"He was strong...and it was his strength..."

Ai couldn't help it. She'd loved Seth intensely and to think of the pain he'd endured at the end, for her sake and the safety of the vampiress Sivienna, was just too much to think about again, after all these years. Tears started streaming down her face.

"He's dead. He died just over three years ago in Radasanth. He told me to run, so I did...and when I got back...I was there with him when he died."

The kitsune wiped at her eyes. "He'd wanted to come back here, to your mother and siblings, but had found that he couldn't control the beast within himself. He didn't want to hurt anyone dear to him...and I think he would have wanted to hurt you the least of anyone in the world."

She'd held him while he was dying, felt his palm on her cheek as he fought against the pain and the suffering that had defined his final moments. She could still see the peace on his face as he died, the knowledge that what he'd done had been worthwhile, and that he wouldn't spend any more time fighting the monster he'd felt thrashing about within him. It didn't make it hurt any less, though.

"Here," she said, unhooking the quiver from her waist and slipping the yew longbow off her shoulder. "These were his. If you're strong enough, you might be able to draw the string. I think he would have wanted his child to have it."

[Tsukiko]

He was dead. Tsukiko felt tears run down her face and her heart ache from a void in her heart from the fact she would never know her father. She would never hold him, never play with him, never learn anything from him. Did Ki know her lover was dead.

But he did die to protect Ai and perhaps at least he was the father she thought he was. A strong and good man who was fearless and would give his life to protect another. "Thank you. I'm glad I met you and you could tell me of my father. At least I know he was as good as mother said he was." She sobbed and smiled and wondered if she should go back to her mother and be safe. She didn't want to have her face another loss but then again Ki had taught her that her skills with the sword and bow were meant for something, that she could protect life much like her father and mother did.

The fox girl was on her knees before the bow and her tears fell onto the fine wood. "Father, i promise that I will be a good girl and protect people like you and mother would do. I wish I could meet you but I'm glad that I can know that you are truly a hero." Her words were strained and she looked to Ai at last. "I think he heard me. I'm sure he will watch over me from the spirit world. Thank you for this gift, I'll treasure it always and if I don't need it anymore I'll keep it at the shrine at the den. That way Father could be close to mother too." Tsukiko smiled and sniffled as she tried to keep from crying further but she couldn't.

"Ai, please tell my mom. I would go tell her but i don't know if I could build up the courage to leave again if i went back and I don't want dad to think of his child as a coward."

[The Archer]

Ai knelt down on the soft earth, gently wiping the tears from Tsukiko's face. She looked so young and vulnerable, like she wasn't ready to go out and face the world. Still...she was determined to get out there and make a mark upon the world, a world ripe for marking, but so very dangerous, too. If it was found out that she had a lycan's blood in her, she could very easily be hunted. The hunter that had taken Seth's life had come for him and Sivienna. They saw only the beast, and none of the man.

"I think that your father would love you no matter what you were...but he would want you to stay safe. And so do I. Your father...was someone very special to me and your mother...and you're all that's left of him."

The white kitsune stood up, taking Seth's daughter by the wrists and urging her up, too. Kits had boundless energy, and she'd be shocked if Seth's kit had anything less. She'd seen him take blows that would have crippled a human for weeks without so much as a whimper, she'd seen his fierce determination that he would never again risk hurting someone dear to him. She wished he'd decided to continue fighting the monster and come home, or barring that, been able to let her make a home with him, but that was all so far in the past now. He was dead, and this was his daughter, his only child.

"Now go...go on and make your mark on the world. I'll tell your mother...I should have told her years ago."

[Tsukiko]

Tsukiko nodded as Ai spoke about her father loving her no matter what. "I'm sure you're right. I'll do my best to stay safe. But I really feel like i have to do this. I know daddy and mommy would love me no matter what. I just feel this is what I was meant to do. That I might make the world a better place for one person I'd be happy and I'm sure i can."

The younger fox bowed and smiled as she looked at Ai and wiped away the blurring tears. "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad I know about my father and that he and mommy had such a wonderful friend. And thank you for telling mom. I'm really glad."

Tsukiko was ready to leave even though the bow felt heavy as did her sword and armor but they lighened up a little when she took a few steps and she turned around. "And tell mommy that I'm fine. I won't let her or dad down and I'll be back. I won't be long as I will return when I need rest. I hope we will meet again. I know I'm not as cultured as mom but maybe we can share tea sometime."

The vixen took a few more steps and turned and waved before she left and walked to the next town. She was going to sleep on a soft bed tonight and then she was going to find adventure and make her parents proud.

[The Archer]

Use of Doji Ki approved by Reiko/Tsukiko
"Good luck, little one," Ai murmured at the child's back as she went on her way. She reminded her wholly of Ki, and nothing of Seth, which was a pity. It would have been a relief to find that something more of Seth than his blood had survived in his child, it would have given her hope.

She turned her footsteps again to the den she'd called "home" for almost a year. Ki hadn't even smelled pregnant when Ai had left to look for Seth, and hadn't even seemed to miss him much. She supposed she shouldn't be too harsh on the other kitsune...after all, she did have two rambunctious kits.

The wind whispered through the boughs of the ancient trees, the scents of summer and life were thick in the air, so thick that she couldn't imagine a better time for a young adventuress to set out on her way. It was a time for optimism and happiness. But as her delicate paws made their silent way over the loam, the scents of the Doji den and its residents grew perceptible, then stronger.

When she could see the den with its graceful, sweeping roof and its soft sense of harmony, the moon-white kitsune looked around, wishing that she could go away again, vanish, never bring this burden upon the people who most deserved to know.

But she had promised. She'd promised Seth's child just now what she'd promised Seth as he lay on the cobblestone street of Radasanth's slums, dying. She'd promised to tell them.

Making her way forward once again, Ai raised her voice to let the three others know she'd returned. "Ki? Chiyo? Ryo? It's Ai."

Within moments, the door slid open and Ai saw the familiar face of the vixen who had helped save her life years before. As she rushed out to see Ai, her violet eyes searched her, asking wordlessly where the other person was that was missing from the den. Ai felt her own face contorting in sorrow, freshly reminded of it by the encounter of the child Seth had with the swordswoman.

No words passed between them. Every woman knows the look of bad news long coming, and Ai's face made it all too clear what it was. Ki's face merely crumpled in sorrow, and she let out a sob while grabbing Ai so tightly she felt her ribs would break. It was just too much.

"Tell me, Ai," she whispered into her friend's shoulder. "Tell me everything."

Ai nodded, leading Ki back into the house. She was home, and what a broken little home it felt like.

Spoils request: I'd like for Tsukiko to gain the yew longbow and arrows found under this profile, including two talymer arrows with plynt tips that Seth got in the same thread as the link at the top, enchanted against monster types.

[Bloodrose]

It wasn't really specified how much commentary you guys wanted, but judging by the nature of the thread you probably aren't looking for much. I've included comments where I thought there was a specific problem that could be addressed, but kept the rest to a minimum. I'll also mention that the average interval between posts here was a staggering 9 minutes, and while I commend you for such brisk activity, I don't think such a pace helped the thread at all.

•STORY ~ 14

Continuity (6) ~ Not much to say here. I could deduce from what was written that this was the start of Tsukiko's story in the world of Althanas, and that she was just setting out on her own. I could also piece together enough of Seth's, Ai's, and Doji's history to adequately understand what was going on without having to browse other threads. Nothin spectacular, but it was alright.

Setting (4) ~ The only way I knew this thread took place in a forest was because you both mentioned it in your intros. From there it was almost disregarded, though. Archer did slightly better, with at least one subtle reference to the surroundings when Ai stepped over the root in the ground, but there was little life here.

In my opinion, and take this however you will, I think this is one of the categories that suffered hugely due to the rapid pace of your individual posts. How a character interacts and perceives his or her environment is one of those things that can take a little extra thought, and most if not all of that was lost here.

Pacing (4) ~ Another category that likely suffered from the blitzkrieg posting. The thread was pretty much a conversation between the two characters, and there was about as much development and tension as one can derive from said conversation. There wasn't much there to keep the reader guessing, but enough at least to keep the thread moving forward.

•CHARACTER ~ 13

Dialogue (6) ~ Nothing overly memorable here. I had a couple issues with just how much Tsukiko tried to interject into the conversation each time she spoke, and everything felt a little rushed. Dialogue and how it's used can play an integral part in how a character acts or divulges information, and the dialogue around the core concept of the thread (Seth's death) was weaker than it could have been.

Action (4) ~ There definitely seemed to be a plan on how this thread was supposed to advance, but again, the whole thread boiled down to a conversation between two characters. The thread just felt, limited, possibly on purpose, but it kind of hurt the thread overall.

Persona (3) ~ A little weak here. Tsukiko just didn't feel believable as a character, and I felt a lot more could have been done considering she's just learned her father died. Another category likely suffering due to the rushed nature of the thread.

•WRITING STYLE ~ 21

Mechanics (5) ~ My comments here are for Tsukiko, as Archer came off as pretty solid in this category.

Run on sentences really made certain posts a hassle to read. One particularly clumsy example:


“Maybe she should be angry for him abandoning Ki but Ki was happy and seemed to be fine with herself and there was no way Tsukiko could be angry if her mother was happy but still she wanted to see her father and hold him.”

One here and there aren't so much of a problem as they are an annoying fluke, but these seemed pretty interspersed throughout. They take the reader out of the story by forcing them to stop, slow down, and reread each section of the sentence. The above example is more of a paragraph sans punctuation than it is a sentence. Stepping away from the computer and coming back to reread your posts later can help catch these. Read your sentences out loud, and if they sound clumsy, or you run out of breath before you finish, consider rewriting. Again, as I've said before, rushing through this thread hurt the thread overall.

Technique (6) ~ Not much to say here. You got an extra point for the little foreshadowing Tsukiko set up in the opening post, but considering the predictable nature of the conversation, even that felt a little hollow.

Clarity (7) ~ Not many problems here. The thread overall was a pretty easy to read, and in no particular spots did I have to actually go back and reread a sentence or paragraph to figure out what was happening. The linear nature of the thread hurt you in a couple other areas, but I think it helped to bolster the clarity of the thread.

•Wild Card (3) ~ I took some points here, and I'll tell you why. Ai revealing to Tsukiko that her father is dead, especially as it pertains to Tsukiko's future development, was a pretty heavy subject to be addressed by a rushed, quick thread like this one. The whole subject felt rushed, and Tsukiko's quick sweeping of such heavy news beneath the carpet to keep going on her adventure kind of ended the thread on a sour note for me.

TOTAL = 48

Tsukiko receives 1956 EXP and 160 GP
The Archer receives 1079 EXP and 160 GP

Spoils Awarded: Tsukiko gains Seth’s yew longbow, 18 iron-tipped arrows, and 2 enchanted arrows with Cyper shafts and Damascus heads. I know you said Plynt and Talymer, but I stuck with the same materials the arrows were made from when the 2 arrows were awarded in the first place. See here: (”http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4651&page=5”)

All requested spoils are granted, as long as they’re approved by RoG at level-up. Archer, the arrows have Cyper shafts and Damascus heads.

As for the enchantment, don’t expect them to drop monsters in a single shot, but they might annoy said monsters.

If either of you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!