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View Full Version : Rich and Kick'em Strike Back!!!



Logan
03-10-08, 02:06 PM
The scene opens with an electric crowd ready in anticipation for what will be the most watched tournament in the history of Althanas. The camera flies over the crowd and it erupts in enthusiasm. Moments later the camera switches to the scene of Rich and Kick’em in the press box just above the arena’s highest tier.

Rich: Welcome to the one and ONLY Conquest Trials Tournament! This tournament is packed and the crowd is about ready to pop its collective tops! I am Richard Head and this is my broadcast associate, Kick’em Whylderdowne!

Kick’Em: Thank you, Rich! It’s a pleasure to be back in the broadcast booth with you, Richard, and I have to say it’s been way too long since we’ve been here!

Rich: I’d have to say you’re right, Kick’em. It’s been many a month since we last sat in this very press box and you narrowly avoided an untimely death at the hands of one man our audience knows very VERY well!

Kick’Em: You mean that bastard, Dirks? He was just lucky I was unarmed last time. This time I’ve brought along a special friend of mine.

Kick’em pulls out a handgun and a huge smile drapes across his face. Richard’s jaw hits the floor in amazement.

Rich: Uh…Kick’em, you might want to put that thing away. The tournament security has been warned to take out anyone who they find packing heat. And that sure as hell is HEAT!

Kick’em: Oh yeah, sorry. I just wanted to make the statement for all to see that Kick’em does NOT take kindly to being shot at.

Rich: Very well then, on to your predictions of the matches in this tournament. There’s a lot of ‘em, so hold on tight, Kick’em.

Kick’em: Damn sure is a lot of them this go around, and that’s because the format for this tournament is unlike any other. In fact, it’s the only tournament of it’s kind.

Rich: That’s kinda what you just said…

Kick’em: Right…well, anyways, there’s a lot of fast paced action and a lot of battles to weed through, so let’s get to it.

Rich: Ok, first up is the Morituri te Salutant up against Celestial Warrior.

Kick’em: This one looks to be a fierce matchup on many levels. Perhaps we should actually explain the tournament format first for our first time viewers, Rich?

Rich: My God, Kick’em, that may be the best idea you’ve ever come up with…not mention the only good idea you’ve ever come up with.

Kick’em: Don’t start with me, Rich. Remember…I’m packing.

Rich: Um…yeah…two jelly rolls and a pot belly pig if you ask me.

Kick’em: I’m going to let that one slide for your benefit, Dick.

Rich: Ok, well, the tournament works vastly different than other tournaments in that three different types of matches take place at the same time.

Kick’em: That’s accomplished by having four members of each clan engaged in one of the following battles, a one on one, a two on two, or a Gisela/Army battle. You basically get three tournaments in one!

Rich: That’s why the Conquest Trials is the most anticipated tournament of all Althanas history!

Kick’em: Damn straight. Let’s get onto the clans in the tournament.

Rich: You mean the battles, right?

Kick’em: No, the clans. I’ve decided to hold off on battle predictions and just explain who our competing teams our and add some commentary opinions on them.

Rich: Brilliant!

Kick’em: I know I am.

Rich: So, what are your thoughts on the Morituri te Salutant team?

Kick’em: Morituri te Salutant brings to the table what only few can dream of. With a chick who seriously has to have some sort of wooden dowel shoved up into the nether regions of her hind quarters to a guy whose style is never underwhelming, they bring it all. I look for them to go far in this thing.

Rich: And they face off against the team of Celestial Warriors.

Kick’em: That they do, Rich. Celestial Warriors packs a pretty potent punch also, but in a more under the radar kind of way. They won’t be picked to win it all with anyone’s bets, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see these guys pull off a major upset. They are very much unknowns in this tournament, and could very well be the darkhorse of it.

Rich: I have to say that was rather insightful, Kick’em.

Kick’em: Thanks. I’ve been working on some material lately. So who else is there – Ahh, yes, of course, the Cipher Nex. What can I say? They pack one hell of a punch and if they hadn’t drawn such a damn tough matchup first round out, I’d say they’d be a shoe in to go to the finals. Unfortunately, the powerhouse team of the chef, the one and only “Dan”, and the other two…

Rich: The other two? That’s kind of insulting, isn’t it?

Kick’em: Only if you’re them! Besides, it’ll be Dan and the chef carrying this team onto round two if they do win.

Rich: Over Vice, you mean?

Kick’em: Yep. I didn’t say they’d win, though. I just said if they do, it’s because of Dan and the chef.

Rich: Gotcha. Well, what about Vice then?

Kick’em: I hate to say it, but Max Dirks has this team in peak condition. They look like the team to beat. Strategy clearly plays an interesting roll with these guys, from Max leading the army to utilizing the talents of Zephyriah in a one on one. The tag team duo of Dirge and his partner look to prove to be a huge challenge for all who would accept. I really do believe these guys win it all.

Rich: That’s saying a lot.

Kick’em: Damn straight.

Rich opens his mouth, but before he says anything he spots someone out of the corner of his eye. Someone who hasn’t been seen in QUITE a while.

Rich: Is that really...?

Kick'em: Who...where...I don't see...OH MY GOD!

Dyne Kelguard: (appears, his cape blowing behind him dramatically) I...am...Dyne Kelguard, defender of the weak and helpless, protector of all that is just and good in the world, last knight of Truce....a-and I make a mean soufflé!

Rich: Dyne, it really IS you!

Kick'em: Why on Althanas' continents would you possibly be here at the tournament, Kelguard?

Dyne: Ah...therein lies the story (strokes chin deliberately)… I'm actually dead. I'm here to...make sure no one pulls any funny business, if you know what i mean.

Kick'ems eyes get really big.

Kick'em: You don't look half bad for a dead guy, Kelguard...

Rich: Ahh. The ever present and necessary enforcer of fair play and all that, right?

Dyne: Indeed, my good sirs. But who’s rules. Beelzebub’s or the big guy’s

Rich: Have you any reason to believe foul play is even possible in this type of tournament?

Dyne: Well...with the number of participants, all of whom are stellar champions in their own right...you never know what someone might do to make sure they have that extra edge.

Kick’em: Well, of course. You always have to be on the lookout for foul play. But I think what Rich is asking is do you have any hard evidence to reason that someone might go through great lengths to win this tournament?

Dyne: Hm...well, let’s just say I have my eyes on everyone. (Slight pause) With the high stakes of this tournament, i'd be surprised if someone DIDN'T try to cheat or take part in foul play.

Rich: Fair enough. You've been gone so long. Is there anything you'd like to say to our audience today?

Dyne: Surely...best piece of advice? Don't die. Really, it's better to be alive. life after death is boring and fairly repetitive. theres only so many times you can use a cloud as a pillow you know...


Kick’em laughs slightly at joke and Rich gives him a glare.\


Kick’em: What? It was FUNNY!


Rich: You worry me sometimes, Kick’em.


Dyne: Oh and all that good stuff about being honorable and chivalrous too. don't cheat. if you do, judgement cometh on swift wings...


Rich: So Dyne, before we leave you, one last question.


Dyne: Yes, Rich?


Rich: If you had to put your money on one of the participating clans in this tournament, who would YOU pick?


Dyne: ahh. The Red Hand with my old friend, Ithermoss…(another slight pause)…and Sorahn. I give them my blessing. Fear the might of the Red Hand!

Kick'em: I have to agree, Dyne. The Red Hand are a mighty talented and competitve faction in this thing.

Dyne: That said, good luck to all other clans and participants


Rich: Thanks for your time, Dyne. We'll let you get back to your um...wait. What does a dead guy do?


Dyne: Cloud sleeping mostly…and hanging out with the undead. They’re remarkably pretty cool. Hell is a rockin’ place…kind of like…Woodstock, except less booze. Well, kiddies, time for me to leave!


Dyne walks off into the sunset rather dramatically…again


Rich: Wow, that was highly unexpected, Kick’em!


Kick’em: I know, Rich. The one and only Dyne Kelguard here at the tournament, and we actually got the interview with him!


Rich: Yes, we did. Although, that begs the question…do spirits show up on film?


Kick’em: Holy shit man. I hadn’t thought of that!


Camera fades to black as the two sit wide-eyed staring off at where Dyne just left.


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The camera comes back up on a picture of the Imperial clan standing in front of the Dirks manor. Hanging down from the banner is a sign that reads, Bring it on, you NWO BITCHES!. The camera pauses only for a second before fading back to black again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The camera returns to show Rich and Kick’em talking with one another.


Rich: Welcome back folks. Sorry for the delay, we had to get that word in from our sponsors.


Kick’em: Right on, Rich. Those guys support us and keep us on the air.


Rich: Special thank you goes out to them. And a special happy birthday wish goes out to Logan McCloud, who apparently just turned 27 the other day!


Kick’em: Oh wow, he’s 27 already? Well, special congrats to the guy. He’s a swell kid who is going to do great things here on Althanas.


Rich: Sure will. Back to the tournament. Since Dyne mentioned the Red Hand, how about we start back with them?


Kick’em: Sounds good to me. The Red Hand is a special force with that Sorahn fellow really leading the charge for them. They pack a potent punch as well with that damned skillful vampire Lorenor and the damned Ranger guy. I’d say this team, based solely on Dyne’s recommendation, is slated to win it all!


Rich: So that’s a change from before when you said Vice would win it all?


Kick’em: Well, Rich, they say knowledge is power. And by the power of the knowledge of Dyne Kelguard’s blessing of The Red Hand, I’d have to say that I change my prediction.


Rich: I see. So basically you are a fan boy?


Kick’em: Damn straight. I’ll tell you who I am not a fan of though, and that’s the Respice Finem. I mean, who cares if they have a few talented guys here and there. The fact is no one cares about these guys, and for good reason. I honestly believe these guys will be wiped clean out of the tournament in the first round. Heck, if I were them, I’d just not bother to show up and save my breath for something more important.


Rich: That’s pretty harsh. A few people think Respice might surprise some people.


Kick’em: Good for them.


Rich: And what about Argentum Astrum? Thoughts on them?


Kick’em: The biggest thing this team has going for them is the duo of Chromanon Rockskin and her partner. Chromanon was on the winning team for the LCC a few years back, and I fully expect that to carry on to this tournament as well. However, Zook looks out of his element trying to command such a huge army, and I have no clue who their one on one guy is. So I’m not sure how far they’ll go, really, but if they get anywhere, it’s due to Chromanon’s leadership.


Rich: That’s a pretty fair assessment I’d say. And finally, what about The Bandit Brotherhood?


Kick’em: Ahh, yes, the clan that never says die. The Brotherhood is always and will always be an elite clan, but this team they’ve assembled, I’m not sold on. They’re going to put up a good front in the two on two battle against Chromanon and her partner, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough to win it. Saxon has a great history and should work well in his position as army commander, but only time will tell.


Rich: That’s the truth behind it, Kick’em. Time is something we are unfortunately out of. Until next time, I’m Richard Head –


Kick’em: And I’m Kick’em Whylderedowne.


Rich: And we’re saying so long from the Conquest Trials!


The screen simply fades to black.



I figure this is as good a place to post this as any! Also, note, for those curious, Dyne Kelguard is the one and only Dark Magus of Althanas way, WAY past. He's not returning...yet...but he does send everyone a fond hellllooooooooooo!!!!!