Critique me

[The Writing Writer]

So I don't know how many of you have been keeping up with my writing, if any, but as some may know my style has changed alot. What I want to know, from you the people, is what my strengths are, and where I need improvement. Not looking for ass-kissing here, nor am I looking to get flamed (sneers at Godhand). Just honestly want to know where I stand so I can hopefully use the knowledge I gain from this thread to become a better writer. Thanks alot for your time.






Respectfully,
~Jimmy



EDIT:

Old thread. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=4712)

Middle Thread. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=8314)

New thread. (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=11389)

[A Nony Mouse]

I'm new here, but I would be willing to look over your stuff. Do you have links to an old writing and a recent one?

[The Writing Writer]

Edited. As you can see, the Writer himself has changed considerably, along with my writing style.

[A Nony Mouse]

seeing as my eyes keep closing without my consent, i shall bookmark them and critique the style tomorrow. Goodnight Althanas.

[The Writing Writer]

<.<


>.>


Anyone?

[A Nony Mouse]

Alright, in the first thread, I feel like your writing is a bit fragmented. You describe things and then something happens and then people talk. Don't get me wrong, it's good writing; but it just doesn't flow as well as it could. Also, a lot of the word choice grates on me as I read it. Nothing major, but just enough to irritate me.

During the middle thread, I feel like you tried to improve. The sentences are more complex and the words are more advanced, but there's one problem. You definitely abuse these newfound literary devices. I still comes off as a good read, however, there's just a bit too many complex sentences and huge adjectives. The writing in general just reminds me of someone with too many ideas trying to cram them in a piece of work all at the same time. It seems cluttered.

By the third one, you've evened yourself out. There's a good balance of literary devices, description, and action. The parts all flow into one another and they make for an easy read. As the reader, I am draw along with your writing; wondering what will happen next at each turn. There are still several oddities in the writing, but not enough to detract from the overall experience.

Very nice, and I hope I helped.

[The Writing Writer]

Excellent analysis ^^. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my stuff.

[A Nony Mouse]

no problem