Cracked Earth: Memories of a Ghost

[Slayer of the Rot]

Suffice to say, Dan Lagh'ratham loved war.

He loved the way his blade shook when the pierced shuddered with their last heartbeats. He loved the sound of the death rattle in the throat. He loved the view of a flickering fire and the broken shadows of a city skyline. He loved the feel of bone and blade and shield giving way under his fist. He loved the smell of mud and hot blood and scorched earth.

However, he found himself losing the taste for war when it was involved in his personal matters. Try as he might, it was difficult to enjoy the killings on Raiaera's fields with his daughter's face hanging in his mind, phantasmal and dark. It was something about knowing he had something more to lose than his life that dulled the fires.

As such, his reaction to the name of his upcoming challenger fell far short of being pleasant or polite. The walls of his cave still seemed to echo with his obscenities, charged with the hate lobbied in each of the words that gushed from each shout. Finally, he had resigned himself to collapsing into a crude stone throne he had absentmindedly created for himself.

There were no lights in the cavern, yet he found little difficult in seeing; it was as though unseen, dim and colorless candles glowed in the rock. The floor at his feet was mossy and resigned to patches of worn, smooth packed dirt, rough only in certain spots with broken stone. Stalactites hung like jagged teeth from the ceiling, though they stopped far from touching the tip of the Saraelian's head. Here and there, a drip of water from them rung through the cave, and then it was silent again.

In a particularly foul mood, Dan Lagh'ratham shifted his weight and settled himself in the seat so that he leaned into the right arm of it, his chin settled in his palm, scowling at the mouth of the cavern. In pale white moonlight some forty feet away grew choking underbrush, so high that it blocked out any view of the path to his arena. Not that there really was one; set tightly between two graying, peeling tree trunks, barely peeking out from the leafy green on the bush, was a door. To be more exact, a door of a mahogany hue, with a meticulously polished antique brass doorknob.

Dan shifted his weight again, throwing his hands out to either side of him, scowling even deeper. The faster this was over with, the better. If she was deep in the space of a breath, that would be utterly fantastic. Try as he might, there was no possibility of enjoying wanton violence with a name like that presented as a challenger.

'Sarah Dahlios.' Incredibly enough, he felt his anger swell at the thought of the name. In his own opinion she was just a haughty whore who happened to have a bit of luck with a blade. But in their chance encounter in the bazaar what felt like centuries ago, she had shown just what a rotten bitch she was. Ever irritating, the thought of her had never failed to send him into a black mood if it was a bad day and into a blind rage if it had been the worst sort of day. She'd forced his hand and made him break his word. The Rotslayer had never particularly felt the same afterwards.

'Maybe she'll learn her lesson if I eat her eyes, now,' he thought humorlessly as he stared blankly at the door, waiting.

[Lavinian Pride]

Demirci Osma Uta...

The name was as foreign to her as the entire architecture and concept of the Pagoda. It was an ongoing king of the hill game that warriors loved to play, if only because it meant someone got to try out their newest toys. While Sarah had avoided the place for a long time running, she finally found that she was just too intrigued by the place, and had signed up, against the person named Demirci Osma Uta. If only because she didn't know the person, and could therefore have a nice fight where she was unknown and nothing was expected of her.

Walking outside the pagoda into the waxing moonlight she stretched her lithe form. Kid had been left behind at the inn; there was no need to concern her with another death of Sarah Dahlios. Instead she merely left the girl behind letting her take another nap as she wanted. The girl while a nocturnal creature much like Sarah had trouble readjusting to the normal sleep cycle after a week of days. Sarah felt for the girl, and allowed her naps now and again to rejuvenate the tiny girl, if only so she could finally get herself straightened out. It was after all Sarah's fault they were in such a state.

Walking along the path, she finally looked down at the direction, two trees, a mahogany door...

Her eyes flitted up as she made out barely the landmarks. In the moonlight, the shadows were deeper, and almost hid the entrance to the arena. Thick over brush had obscured the door from those who would casually walk by, and probably for the passerby’s protection. She had heard rumors of a monster of a man having resided in that arena. Moving through the door, she entered the darkened world, much more pleasant to her nature, and froze as she felt eyes upon her.

Before her was an earthen lair she might have mistaken for a dragons lair. The rock carved out and molded to create a place of carnage and destruction. The stalactites hung from the roof, giving a much more ferocious appearance to the place. Still the rock itself gave off a soft glow as she looked about the area, and stopped upon seeing the carved stone throne. Who she saw upon it would have made her heart skip a beat, had it not stopped beating long ago. Her eyes narrowed as she stopped upon the form of a rather irate looking Daniel Wilmhearst. He had claimed to have shucked the name long ago, but with a lack of a better name, she always referred to him as the Slayer's name he had taken long ago.

Stepping cautiously forward she eyed the man, watching for signs of attack as she spoke candidly, "Well, ain't fate a bitch. Good to see you Daniel, even though you don't write, you don't visit, hell you never even once showed up in Radasanth. Almost makes me believe you just don't like me..." Her mockingly saddened tone rang through the cavern as the sound of water dripping into a pool reached her ears. Still she waited patiently for Wilmhearst's reply, if only for the sake of curiosity.

She knew there was bad blood between them. She had won in their last engagement, even with the physical loss to the Slayer of the Rot, for making him use the infamous Rotslayer, in spite of having specifically said she wasn't good enough to stain it's blade. Still, she doubted the morale victory would mean much here, far from the pagoda. Death could be very real, especially if he lied about her having shown up. No one would question someone who worked the place, and she was suddenly very aware of how real this encounter could become.

[Slayer of the Rot]

The mahogany stained door swung upon with a click of the bronze doorknob and finally, she stood before him again. Instantly, his lips pulled back in a grimace of teeth just as sharp as the stalactites above them. With each of her steps, her soft brown hair fluttered around her shoulders and waist. The woman's plentiful curves swayed with each graceful movement. It was enough to disarm most any man, but Dan's thoughts rarely strayed into that realm. He was only interested in causing carnage.

The Saraelian's eyes narrowed as the hair at the back of his neck pricked. He had abandoned the name of Wilmhearst; but the instincts remained. Once more, there was something missing from Sarah Dahlios, and the scent that came to him gave him a fair guess.

"Oh, shut the hell up. There's no sense in being coy. It'll just manage to piss me off even more." Dan had straightened his posture in his throne when she drew close. Snapping his fingers, the stone under him shuddered with a minute tremble and crude arms of stone separated themselves from the chair. They wrapped their fingers around his waist and shoulders, and pushed him up into a standing position. They crumbled at once, their purpose gone.

"Disappointing. You're one of the No Life again, aren't you?" He began to pace slowly back and forth. The movement wasn't quite so different as a wolf judging it's next meal. Stone gray eyes met those of steel gray, and he smirked.

"It doesn't really matter to me, though. Scarecrow, leech, you were always just trash from Seth. Excreted like shit into a corpse. What a way to come to be!" Dan let out a quick laugh as warm and feeling as a knife blade. Stomping his foot down into a nearby puddle, he adjusted the cuffs of his coat and turned to Sarah, halting his pacing and giving her a mocking smile.

"To be honest, I never had any sort of interest in you. Blood vendetta or lust, for that matter. You whores mean nothing on the path of life I walk. Just a stone at my feet, to either be picked up and used or pissed on like garbage. So why don't we make this quick, huh? Dinner is soon and the longer I look at you, the more my appetite is ruined by nausea." Stretching his fingers out until they shook, white and bloodless, he snapped his grip closed onto a white metal hilt. The Irredeemable appeared from nowhere into his deadly grasp. The pale light glowed upon the masterwork blade, but Dan made no immediate movement to use it on the woman.

"I'm using a quarter of my full power right now. Why don't we see if you can bother out the remaining seventy five percent? This isn't like last time. Consider this an experiment in the name of science. I want to see if trash like you has grown any stronger." The Saraelian spread his arms out across the dank cavern, grinning widely.

"Free shot, too. Take it; it might be your best chance."

[Lavinian Pride]

Scarecrow...

That name echoed through her as she glared down Dan, it was obvious there was no love lost between the two. Where there had been love, there was only hatred, and a bitterness. She could sense it in him, he didn't just hate her, hate was too easy to come by, no he loathed her very existence. As he spoke more the words fell about her empty and useless, much like her opening jab. Still the last line held a bit of weight, he wanted to see if she'd grown. He wanted to see if she could force his hand, much like she had those years ago. She had been human, by a pale flame compared to the blazing inferno she was now. She was her own woman, even if as Dan said she was merely the refuse of Seth Dahlios.

"Blah, blah, blah, you're just as angsty as Seth. I bet you guys get your ridiculous weapons from the same place too, do you trade make up notes?" She mocked as she drew a thorn casually. The blade began to dance between her fingers as she held it there, studying it. She had a role to play, and she knew pissing off Dan was part of that role. The more frustrated, the more likely he'd even forget to not mention she had never shown, and she'd have a better chance at walking away. It was the same situation, with much more dire stakes.

She did however, note the fact he was manipulating the earth. The stony hands that had pushed him aloft were not lost upon the night vixen. Instead she merely knew she had to be on guard, as the earth about her was a weapon now, much like she had made that horseshoe long ago. This was Dan's element now, and she was just another fly in his web. As he paced about she could feel the strength growing in him, see the tension. He really wanted her dead, more so than the normal person he fought.

She snorted at the bravado as he held his arm's wide open before she drew another thorn, continuing their lazy dance in her fingers, "How sporting Wilmhearst, give the nothing a chance at something. You are just the pinnacle of sportsmanlike conduct I must say..."

The thorns flew, their objective clear.

"…too bad I’m the last thing you'll ever see." She said as she watched the thorns go on a collision course, right for his eyes.

[Slayer of the Rot]

The Saraelian's head rocked back as the daggers met their target truthfully. His mouth opened slightly, but the sound that came from it wasn't a moan of pain, but something of a soft laugh. Taking a step back, Dan gave a little flourished with his outstretched arms. A smile had appeared on his face again, and blood from his mutilated eyes dribbled over his lips and onto his tongue.

"Feh. That's it? Good aim, bad damage. Don't these things catch fire? Explode? Shatter into flechettes and shred my brain?" His temples had begun to ache dully; he could feel the knives pressing solidly against the back of his eyesockets, though everything had gone dark. Grinning widely with sinister intent, he shook his finger at her as though he was admonishing a child. Then, he grabbed both of the thorns hilts and pulled. A pair of useless, bloody gray eyes came from his skull with tiny red spurts, though tough red tendrils held them fast. With a twirl and snap of his wrist, like spinning spaghetti around a fork, the nerves and veins broke away.

"Well, they are my eyes," He reasoned to no one at all, and stuffed the gruesome things into his mouth. He chewed noisily for a few moments, then swallowed, and grimaced.

"Ugh. My theory was right; the more awful things you see, the worse your eyes taste." Dan tucked the hanging red tendrils back into his glistening eyesockets with an audible squish, tossed the thorns back to Sarah, and clapped his hands. The daggers clattered on the stone a few feet away from the woman, ruining any theories of a secondary sight.

Still, he could see. Though, to be correct, he could feel. The Saraelian could feel the weight of the woman's feet on the cave floor through his own. He could feel the dripping of the stalactites as each drop struck the ground. And more so, he could smell that peculiar scent of malicious intent all vampires carried, something like gravestones and snake venom.

"Well, if that wasn't pathetic, I don't know what was." Dan licked a stray drop of blood off his upper lip. "I'll tell you what; how about I give you one more try? Why don't you make this one a little more impacting?" Once again, the Saraelian spread his arms out wide, grinning, and waiting in sightless darkness.

[Lavinian Pride]

She wasn't sure if she was happy or disappointed in the act he gave as he carefully pulled the eyes from his socket, and devoured them. She was beyond the point of human recoil, as her humanity slipped further and further away from her. To her, she could smell the blood on the air, as a shark does in water, and could feel a tingle down her spine. She had once compared feeding on blood to sex, and the analogy only recently became incompatible, if only because the blood had a higher high. When she grimaced at the act, it was not out of disgust, but frustration.

He was trying to give her another chance, and as she looked at the man she merely clucked her tongue in distaste. She then spoke a bit of anger in her voice, "Wilmhearst, you're fucking pathetic. Is this what you've stooped to? Parlor tricks and trash can humor to try and scare away your opponents? If I wanted that crap I'd have stuck around Seth, at least we're somewhat family..."

She moved to scoop up the thorns taking a momentary second to wipe them clean before they went back into sheaths. Her eyes drifted on the demon who held his arms wide open, as if inviting another assault. She sighed as she thought back to that fateful fight in the citadel, long ago. That had been a fight, it had been a victory and it had been a pleasure. Both fighters had given all they had, to try and stop the other. With the opening, she had nostalgia of that fight, and how this one should be better than the last. How much of a disappointment that was, she wasn’t even sure.

She turned to go as she said, "Forget the fight; you've lost your edge. You aren't a warrior, just another knock off trying to play fighter. The Dan I knew would have already painted the walls red with my blood. Tell me when you find your nuts Daniel, cause you certainly forgot to pack them this morning."

She took her footsteps to the door as she sighed. Dan was dead, and any hope of proving him wrong died with him. What was left was just another arrogant prick, who thought they knew her. Maybe it was the wistful hope that Daniel Wilmhearst, the Slayer of the Rot was still in there, but she just had no desire to fight the man. The adrenaline rush, the desire to do combat left with that second chance. She didn't know who was left in the room behind her, but she didn't care about them, they weren't worth her time.

[Slayer of the Rot]

"You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to cut your throat and play in your blood. Feh. Is that what you want to hear? You've got some fucked up issues." Dan cocked his head as the tap of light footsteps began to recede from him. In the soles of his feet, he could feel the light, subtle vibrations of the woman's feet.

"Oh, you think you're going somewhere, don't you?" The Saraelian lifted one foot, and stamped it on the mossy ground. The floor of the cave rumbled slightly. Bars of stone erupted from the ground and lanced through the air, slamming into the roof. The mouth of the beast's den was cut off, stopping her from leaving. Slowly, Dan let his breath out, feeling a vein on the side of his head bulging as blood surged furiously through his body.

"I don't give a fuck about your words. They mean as much as you taking my eyes. But don't you fucking EVER-" Anger had taken his amusement over her pitiful vampiric body. He roared wordlessly, clawing the air before him, and hunched down low. Low enough that his fingers brushed the cave floor. A shiver ran up his spine, and his head whipped about violently. Adrenaline and rage and memory were pounding through his blood.

"Don't you ever turn your fucking back on me, cunt!!!" Hromagh, he hated her. He couldn't wait to feel her bones snap under his teeth. She knew how to push buttons, though this time it hadn't been through words, but inconsiderate action. Dan hated the sight of anyone's back. It made him sick, the cowardly show of it. He had done it to a fair share of people, but that was in times before. If it happened now, it was because the sight and smell of them turned his stomach.

"You've got one minute to live, whore. That's all the time I'm going to give you to get away from me." Gravel growled as it was ground his feet. Power flowed into his leg muscles, and then he launched himself through the air like a ballistic missile. He aimed for the smell and the sound of her, that which had his hunger roaring in his stomach.

Dan Lagh'ratham gnashed his dagger sharp teeth, eager to taste the flesh and blood of an arm, a leg; anything he could grab as he lashed out with his hands.

[Lavinian Pride]

Sarah giggled at the comments of Dan before he cut off her escape route. She raised an eyebrow at the control of the floor and sighed, realizing she was in for a fight whether she wanted one anyways or not. However, it was then she realized she had finally found the Dan she had wanted, and not the sniveling emotional wreck of a boy he had become. He yelled at her, called her a cunt, and even began an assault on her.

At least its a step from Scarecrow, if not predictable...

She quickly slid to the side of the attack as he launched at her, trying to slam her against the bars to her prison. She drew the girls from their holster while she narrowed her eyes. Dan had known exactly where she was despite the fact she had taken his eyes. That meant he knew where she was at all times. He had deceived her about the second sight. He didn't need eyes, hence the grotesque display of eating them. She had her work cut out for her then, and she knew just how to make sure that she came out on top.

Holstering a girl quickly she drew a thorn as she crouched low. She'd need to time it right, and she knew Dan was like a bull in a china shop. He would probably turn about, and charge her again. This time, she'd employ a bit of Seth's tactics, and slam her thorn right down that son of a bitch's throat. Knowing she couldn't give away information Dan already possessed she backed a few steps away before she said coolly, "Temper temper, hate to think one of he weak is pissing off the great Daniel Wilmhearst. Someone might think you're getting soft in your old age..."

She let a grin play across her face as she waited for Dan's response.

[Slayer of the Rot]

There was no reply, however. Dan had slipped into that stage of fury beyond yelling, the one in which focus became as deadly sharp as the sword in his hand. The only though at the moment was shoot to kill. Stone crunched as he stopped his momentum in an instant, and spun about. She wasn't that far from him; he could feel her excited breath. Sarah had come to piss him off and get another fight out of him like the one beneath the cold blue moon in the Citadel. It was clear to him now, though it didn't cool his rage in the slightest. She wasn't going to get it though. The gap in power was just too great. The Dahlios had whatever she had gained when her heart stopped beating, and her silly little knives. The Saraelian was an entirely different story.

The Irredeemable rose over his head and came down in a fluid arc that sailed over his shoulder again, then sliced across the air once more. Twin waves of stone spines burst from the ground and raced at Sarah. The sword disappeared, and Dan fumbled for his sleeve cuffs. He pulled them up to his elbows in two quick jerks, revealing red and black tattoos wrapping across his skin.

"You never had a prayer of a chance, Dahlios," he growled. Clenching his fists, a warm glow began to emanate from the designs. A moment later, two ethereal rings of orange light had began to circle his arms. Unidentifiable glyphs etched themselves in the air. With a snarl, Dan whipped his arm through the air, and in that moment, the dank damp of the cave evaporated into oppressive heat.

"Laevatain, come!" Dan drove a finger into a bloody eyesocket, and flicked the drops onto the cave floor. They began to steam furiously as they touched the stone. A gout of flame erupted from the spot, and swirled in the air, gaining volume. The fire took a rectangular shape, the drew back to the borders to reveal an iron barred door, glowing slightly red. From the dark beyond them, two clawed hands reached out and threw the gate open, grasping the fire flickering around it. A beast pulled itself up through from the elemental plane, struggling to fit through the doorway.

Red skinned, the monstrosity hissed as it's flesh sizzled upon the heated bars of the gate. Muscles and veins bulged from it's grotesque form. It had no neck; it's head simply sprouted from it's thick shoulders in a column of uninterrupted muscle. It's snapped it's enormous teeth, and broken chains clattered on the nails driven into it's body. Two rows of eyes rolled on top of it's head and down it's back, and then it screeched in pain.

"You will do as I say!" Dan had his hand curled into a claw, struggling around something unseen. The light coming off the summoning circles lazily turning around his forearms cast across his face and made him look impossibly demonic. The beast shuddered, opened it's mouth, and vomited a foul fluid at Sarah. It came in two great jets, and it turned it's head to cover a wide area.

"Leave!" The monster was sucked back into the dark, the gates slammed shut, and the flames gathered in on themselves again. They diminished after a moment, then died out entirely.

"How does that feel?"

[Lavinian Pride]

Sarah saw him hit the ground where she had been, the stone cracking under the force of Dan hitting it full force. As she tried to gather her bearings Sarah found herself on the defensive once more, as twin spires of stone raced at her. Rolling to the side she barely managed to evade the racing stones as she drew a thorn and brought it up in preparation to throw again. She had to find some chink in the man's armor, his facade. She doubted she had the strength to pop bone, so she'd have to go for somewhere that would have lasting repercussions.

However, it was then that the gates to what she could only guess was hell opened and a monstrosity entered the realm at Dan's command. Her heart sank as she saw it draw in a deep breath. She had to get away from it, and fast. Fighting a demon was not her idea of a good time as she glanced about she saw that the chair still stood silent sentry to the fight. Racing towards it she tucked and rolled behind it, but not fast enough. With so much dodging she could only keep it up so long before a bit of the vile goo clung to her clothes and began to immolate it. It burned without fire, much to her relief.

Sitting behind the chair she grumbled as she said, "I should have taken him up on his offer. At least then I could have hit him in that mouth..." Trying desperately to stifle the sticky goo she sighed as she saw her flesh melting before her eyes. Finally she sighed as she muttered, "All bets are off, if this doesn't work, I need to get me something more..."

Focusing on the pool of blood that flowed within her she began to draw upon it. The pool slowly began to diminish in size until it was gone, but the result was an increased vitality and vigor. Ignoring the burning of her clothes she was off, moving faster than she ever had. Racing across the sticky demon vomit she was relieved to see it was gone, only Dan remained. An anguished cry of rage left her lips as she streaked forward. The girls were pulled before she jumped, using her strength and speed to raise her up above the slayer as she came down upon him, hoping to stab both blades into his throat and drink of the blood there.

If this failed, she was dead.

If you evade this attack you have permission to bunny Sarah's death. Make it a good one...

[Slayer of the Rot]

"You know, that's why I hate summoning at times like this. I can't figure out if you're dead or not. Then again, you're probably not, aren't you? You're already stuck between the weave of life and death," Dan grunted, turning slowly in a close circle, scowling. Beads of sweat still clung to the back of his neck, but the heat from the elemental plane was slowly lessening. Little fragments of stone ground under the soles of his shoes as he listlessly searched. Through the ground, he could feel nothing in the immediate area, beside a pleasant breeze whispering through the stone bars he'd created moments before. Finally, Dan stopped and began to dig around in his pockets.

"You're wasting my time, Sarah," he called out warningly, inspecting a wrinkled, creased cigarette with both hands before putting it into his mouth. It took him a few seconds of huffing before he ignited it with a match.

"You're moving yourself up from quick, clean decapitation to painful mutilation." Waving a hand cautiously in the air before himself, he picked a direction and began walking in it. Maybe she was dead? Dead or plotting something. Close to him like she was earlier, it had been simple to hear her, feel with her with his link to the very cave itself. But now, the acoustics of the lair had him questioning if he had heard one breath or two. And all he could feel through the earth was the impact of his own feet.

Suddenly, a vengeful cry erupted through the air, and Dan whipped around, his head moving rapidly, trying to pinpoint the source. "Oh! I was just thinking you were dead! You'd have been better of slitting your throat in whatever hole you were hiding in." Incredibly fast, he heard her feet pound the cave floor, and then vanish a moment later.

' - jumped - '

Killer's instincts suddenly sprang forth, and he crossed his arms before his face. A half second later, her warm weight drove into them, and he recoiled, hearing the hiss of steel in the air. Before she could fall away and scamper off for another surprise, the Saraelian's lower arm shot out, groped the air, and then clamped down on flesh - her throat. The Lavinian gave a startled, choked gasp, and stabbed her blades deep into the meat of his forearms.

He barely flinched.

"What, intending on cutting my throat? Drinking my blood? Ugh, it makes me sick that I can't even feel a pulse on my palm. Let's do this quick." Extending his free arm, Dan turned and twisted the fingers into odd shapes, and stamped the ground four times. The floor shook, and with four synonymous cracking and rumbling noises, curved stone slabs shaped themselves. Each formed a part of a collar, and with a sweep of his hand, pitted mossy rock broke away from the insides of the slabs, leaving jagged spikes. The Saraelian closed his outstretched palm into a fist, drawing taut unseen threads, and pulled the arm back to his side with a quick, jerking motion.

They came with the sound of a god grinding its teeth. They closed with a boom, and he felt the woman shudder, and blood splashed across his hand, from her beautiful lips.

He released his grip on her neck, and moved his hand gently to the back of her head, brushing ear as he passed. Dan Lagh'ratham leaned over the top of the iron maiden, and brought his face close to the pierced Lavinian's own. He kissed her bloody lips, drew back, and wrapped his hands through her hair, yanking her head back. The Saraelian's mouth opened, and in the dim, colorless light of the cave, his teeth glittered with spit.

"Stay the fuck away from me from now on, Sarah."

He ate.

[Lavinian Pride]

Sarah let out a cry of surprise as he caught her, his hand clenching tightly about her throat. She closed her eyes as she tried to struggle, feeling the power and speed of her rush fade as quickly as they had come. The stone spikes send her body rigid, as she realized she was pinned. What little blood there was left in her had poured over her lips as she cursed her position. Dan was too strong; she was never going to take him down like this.

Sarah resigned herself to her fate, until he seemed to take on a softer side about her. It was odd, reminiscent of the old Dan, and yet, still humiliating. That he would dispose of her as such. When felt his lips upon hers as he kissed her, and a hot rage washed over her. She had been insulted, Dan had no feelings for her, the fight had proven as much. However, when he told her to stay away, and began to eat her, she finally felt it, revulsion. He was tearing her apart, feasting upon her as she would a victim.

She was nothing more than a cow to him.

She died, trying hard not to react as he ate her, until her heart finally was consumed, and she became a pile of dust upon the floor.


~*~

She awoke in a rage as the string of curses flew from her lips. She screamed them as she wished to rip Dan's throat out and to let him die as painful a death as possible. It wasn't until she felt a flask shoved to her lips that she silenced herself, only because of the flood of blood entering her system. When she was free of it she was glowering, angry at her situation. Finally she spoke her voice hoarse, "I will find that bastard, I will gut him, and I will feast on his heart. May he rot in the bowels of all seven hells..."

[Witchblade]

Dan


Story

Continuity: - 5 Dan, when I read your opening post, I thought it was going to be some really kick ass reunion between Sarah Dahlios and Dan Lagh’ratham, then known Daniel Wilmhearst. That’s what it felt like in the beginning, but I was quickly disappointed by the actions that the characters took and the lack of an explanation towards what had happened between Dan and Sarah before. I got bits and pieces of it here and there throughout yours and Pat’s posts but nothing really specific, nothing that truly made me understand the hate that they felt for each other. I can only hope that the two of them will meet again and next time Sarah will be able to knock Dan around a little.

Setting: - 5 The setting was okay. There was nothing about it that really stuck out in my mind. It was there, you kind of used it to your advantage during the battle and the only thing really interesting about it was Dan feeling for Sarah using the surroundings. I just thought that considering what he can do, there would have been a lot more setting interaction.

Pacing: - 5 My only real problem with the pacing is that the battle seemed to end too soon. Yeah, I know that there is a huge power different between Dan and Sarah and that he really should be able to crush her rather easily, but there was just something lacking with the whole climax thing. It was kind of like ‘oh, I got you and now I’ll eat you.’

Character

Dialogue: - 6 Can’t really say much in here. Dan’s dialogue was true to his character, always is, always will be. I like listening to him shout out obscenities because for some reason it just fits him so well. Still, there was nothing great that happened in the dialogue.

Action: - 6 Well, there was action and it was Dan action. The whole gentle kiss and tug thing at the end was interestingly mocking and kind of strange, but at the same time I didn’t feel it was out of character.

Persona: - 6 I think Dan got a little too angry at Sarah when she turned her back on him. I don’t know what it was, but the transition from just being pissed off to raging, uncontrollable beast seemed far too quick and far too violent in my mind. Even with the explanation that he hated people turning their backs on him, there was something about it that seemed forced more by the writer than by the actions of Sarah.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 7 There were a few times when you used the wrong word, forgot to make a word plural and just missed a word altogether. The mistakes were few and far between, but they were there.

Technique: - 7 I actually thought that your writing grew more detailed and emotional and just downright better towards the end of the battle, particularly in the last two or three posts, which may be one of the reasons why I was disappointed by the abrupt ending.

Clarity: - 6.5 There were a few times where I found myself rereading sentences more than twice, simply because they were missing a word or the wrong word was used and I couldn’t seem to grasp what you were trying to tell me. Other than that, no problems.

Wild Card: - 4 A bit disappointing considering these two characters have history together, history that was made out to be rather explosive.

Pat

Story

Continuity: - 5 Refer to Dan’s comments.

Setting: - 5 Your setting is getting better, Pat, but you still have a hard time remembering to mention small bits of it in every post. You need to keep reminding the reader about what the surroundings look like, what Sarah is walking on, what her skin is touching. It just brings everything the character is physically feeling into greater understanding to the reader. Just remember, you don’t need to write an entire story on setting, just mention it.

Pacing: - 5.5 You can also refer to Dan’s comments here. It just kind of seemed like you two wanted to end this battle as writers, because I know Sarah has more fight in her than that. I read 90 posts of Eternal Goodbye, I know she has more fight in her than that. I did enjoy the way you concluded the battle with Sarah waking up though.

Character

Dialogue: - 6.5 Sarah’s dialogue seemed true to her character, caustic and sarcastic and just downright mocking.

Action: - 6 Nothing about the action truly stuck out to me as anything special, though nothing went against Sarah’s character as I know her. I just wished there had been more of a struggle between her and Dan. I knew reading this thread that Dan was most likely going to win with the huge power difference, but I expected more fight in Sarah than that.

Persona: - 6.5 The sarcastic little bitch that she is, I can’t help but love and yet want to pummel Sarah into the pavement all at the same time. Funny, Seth elicits relatively the same kind of response from me, coincidence? ;) She came across rather well throughout the battle and I especially enjoyed the jabs that went on between her and Dan, until Dan just got too pissed off to participate in them anymore.

[B]Writing Style][/B

Mechanics: - 6 Like Dan, you have a problem when it comes to missing words and using the wrong ones, Pat. Though your mechanics is getting better and you’re getting out of that horrible habit you have of using too many commas. Yay!

Technique: - 6.5 Unlike Dan, your posts grew less detailed towards the end of the battle, I kind of thought they were better in the beginning and just lost a bit of something right after Dan actually started attacking her. Also, you need to watch out for using the same word over and over again. You used the word ‘girl’ to describe Kid four times in one paragraph. After the second time the reader really starts to notice repetitive words and unless there’s a reason for doing it like that, don’t.

Clarity: - 6.5 Refer to Dan’s comments.

Wild Card: - 4 It certainly wasn’t bored reading this battle, but I just expected more from the two of you.



Totals:

Dan – 57.5

Pat – 57.5

It’s a tie!

Dan Lagh’ratham receives 2,062 experience and 150 GP!
Sarah Dahlios receives 1,150 experience and 150 GP!

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!