Spending new monies!

[Breaker]

((Closed to Witchblade))

Josh runned into the bazaar at lightning speed. Zoom! Past all the houswives and henwives, past the sellers and buyers and children with sticks. Through the hoops the children with sticks pushed!

Then he stopped to fix his hair and shave in a reflecting window. Sexy! He ran to the special store that had everything he wanted!

Inside, he strutted to the counter an leaned on it, looking lustily at the long-lashed lamby who laited to lerve him.

"Hello, shorty," quoth he, "I am here to buy an adamantine katana. Make a full tang two handed, and make me song tang juice as well, for i first."

He flexxed his supermuscles and went on in a deep voice.

"Also, I'd like to purchase--"

The counter collapsed under his surprising weight, a shamble of noisy splinters and nails. Never ruffled, he continued from flat on the floor.

"--this counter, or one very much like it, and give it to you as a gift for wrecking your store. How much, ye fair skinned shrew?"

The sun wore shades, but wasn't as cool as Josh.

[Witchblade]

The busty little bimbo smiled down at the prone form of Joshua Cronen, covered in the splinters of her broken counter. Glad that the hunk of a man was going to replace it.

"An Adamantine Katana you say, full tang, two handed, that's not very cheap you know."

She would have leaned across the counter at this point and flirted a bit, showed off her ridiculously large breasts that were nearly spilling out of her tiny little top. Sadly, she didn't have a counter to lean over now.

"How exactly do you plan on paying for such a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, sir?"

[Breaker]

Josh chuckled and laughed again, abs rippling like yummy ruffles chips.

Then he jumped onto his feet where he stood and looked at her with hands on his hips and twinkle of wisdom in his eye.

"HA-HA! Silly young ukulele! I am ye supergod, I have..."

He threw his arms up in the air like for a magical spell.

"... MONIES!!!!"

Nothing happened. Josh snapped his fingers so loud an old mans eardrums busted. Darnit, he thought in his mind, I forgot to add that spell to my lvl50 profyl!

[./i]

He took a pouch with full of gold out of his backpack he was wearing the whole time and dropped it on the counter. Too bad! The counter wuz gone and the monies burst all over the floor.

"There is my money, but not all of it, i ALWEEZ have more. The citdel monks gived it to mee for winnning all my buttles."

He winked his left eye, but not his right. Didn't want her to pass out or die. Yet...

"Now, fair femalle, forgeth for me my daily sword. Of adamantine!"

He punched a hole in the wall for show his toughness. Candy poured out.

"Sorry." he mumbled, "I'll pay for that too. And a broom to sweep up the monies."

[Witchblade]

"Oh, my!"

The young lady looked astoundedly at the muscly, super god of a man before her.

"I never thought I would be selling an Adamantine sword. You must be an amazing supergod to have such money give to you by those monks."

Swaying her her hips and the ass, barely contains within the tight little leather mini skirt, the woman walked to the back wall and grabbed a katana from it. Turning back to the amazingly hot and gorgeous god of sex before her, she handed it over to him.

"Oh, sir... your sword that you requested. It would pleasure me greatly to give such a weapon to someone of your awesome standing."

Before Josh could grab the sword though, the woman clearly of the irregular dimensions of a barbie doll and thus only able to survive in a fictional world, threw herself at the warrior.

"But please, I cannot let you leave this shop without my sword unless you do something for me."

[Breaker]

Even with his long gorilla-strong long arms Josh could barely reach around the bosomy bimbo's promiscuous proportions.

"What wouldst thou have of me, wanton one?" Quoth he. He summoned a shadow portal and sheathed the katana within, but the shadow portal had indigestion and spat it out. The indestructible blade severed two legs of a shelf and stuck in the wall. The shelf tilted to the floor and emptied it's contents in an avalanche of noisy knives and shields.

"My apologies," Josh said to the woman in his arms, "In what way may the Uncrowned King of the Tiered Mountain make it up to you?

An oaken door appeared from thin air. It slammed open, shattering some expensive pottery the weapon store was selling for some reason. Jacob Narmolanya, the best bowshot on Althanas and horsethief extraordinaire, peaked out.

"Sorry about your vases. Shouldn't keep them in front of the door!" Jake said, dirty blond hair getting in his green half elfin eyes. "By the way honey pie, when Josh said Uncrowned King of the Tiered Mountain he was referring to himself. Some Fallien dude told him it would sound cool."

Jake closed the door and it vanished, leaving Josh and the not-such-a maiden alone in a shoppe with only one shelf remaining intact.

I'm going to chokeslam Sei Orlouge through that shelf, Josh thought.

[Witchblade]

The shattered vases all fell to the ground, clinking like the sound of raindrops and babies crying.

"Oh, no! My vases! I keep the soul of all my ex-boyfriends in there!"

An eerie sound filled the room as the grey mist form of several men floated up from the piles of broken pottery. The souls formed a portal in the space time continuum and threw it a darkly dressed, albeit thin and with hardly any curves upon her, woman jumped through. Hands on her hips, slanted eyes glaring murderous daggers of stabbity death towards the buxom beauty.

"Oh, I know you ain't touching my man, you busty little bazaar bitch!" The ninja said.

The woman jumped away from the uncrowned King of sex and dastardly deeds. "Oh, I am so touching your man. It ain't my fault you're not woman enough to fulfill him."

"Oh, you did not just go there!" Kyo retorted, snapping her fingers in the air.

"Oh, yes I did!" The bazaar whore said back, her hands folding underneath her chest and practically disappearing under her ample busom.

[Breaker]

Josh grabbed some popcorn from the rift in the space-time continuum and munched out, leaning against the wall.

No way am I hero enough to break this up, he thought with a salty grin.

[Witchblade]

Kyo lept at the whore who dared to rub her hands all over Josh Breaker's amazingly perfect body of amazing goodness, with all the rippling muscle of a level 50 God of amazingness.

She hit the woman right around the chest, but those balloon's she called breasts merely bounced her back and right into a mud pit that the space time continuum hole conveniently coughed up under her falling ass. Muddy water splashed everywhere, some even landing on Josh's boots. The mud began to dissolve the leather. Bazaar bimbo #1 jumped right in after her.

The mud pit ate them.

Josh found himself alone in the room.

The front door opened, the chimes blared Justin Bieber to announce a new customer into the room. Kyo pulled out her katana and cut off the scourge of Canada's head. Because someone had to.

She was covered in mud, it was slowly eating away at her clothes.

[Breaker]

Josh looked at the body of the scourge of Canada as it ran about like a poorly butchered chicken. The head lay on the ground, leering up at them.

"Thanks Kyo!" Josh exclaimed, "that guy has been sneaking up on me trying to steal my fluffy darns forever!" He showed her the shredded cotton fixtures that had patched his shirt in several places.

Suddenly Josh realized that this was that one store Godhand always used to buy shit that doesn't exist on Althanas for questionably low prices. And with some wild turn of convenience, there was a secret cupboard he hadn't broken yet. Forcing himself to be gentle, he opened it up and put some smooth jazz on the turntable within.

"So Kyo," he said, eyebrows atwitter as he oogled her, "want to finish what we started on that cold, icy river?"

[Witchblade]

Kyo smirked, the acidic mud burning away most of her clothing and leaving her standing before Josh in nothing but a negligee, a rather see through one at that.

"Oh, you want to play that game again?" She asked, her voice taking on a sexy note.

Walking over to Joshua Cronen, Kyo trailed her hand across his arm and chest, feeling those amazingly hard muscles underneath, muscles stronger than Titanium and able to crush a man merely by flexing. With lightning fast reflexes, Kyo placed one leg behind Josh, then slammed one hand into the small of his back at the same time another reached up for his neck. She pushed him back by the neck, took out his equilibrium in his back and lowered him to the ground before pouncing on him and pinning his hands above his head.

"Is this what you had in mind?"

The sound of thunder cracked through the room. From that impossible cupboard water exploded outward, flooding over them, drenching them. When Kyo raised her head from the spray, they were flying down a river, a raft of ice beneath them.

[Breaker]

Damn that feels good, Cronen thought as Kyo bumped and ground. A blizzard of icy chips whipped by and tore of the remainder of her clothes, but he kept it from cutting her with his wicked ice powers.

The girl on your lap or the Godmoding? Breaker asked in his head.

Shit! Josh thought, I haven't had a split personality in like four levels!

Josh got rid of the old crappy storyline crutch and cupped Kyo's ass. Mmm, I've been needing that since the first round of the Cell, he thought, destroying liquid time as we know it.

But the river raged on, and so did the Breaker.

They were really getting into it, like Salvic in the snow on the pants style, when Josh remembered what happened the first time they did this. The Citadel monks got pissed of because, well, they're running a hallowed training ground, not a by-the-hour inn. And those bald bastards sent them off a waterfall. And had the river been getting faster, or was it just the motion of their strokin'?

Their lovenest of ice shot into space - not outer space, the space above the drop of certain doom to the icy waters below. Josh slapped his palms to the floe (he had been slapping them on something else 'till then) and used aforementioned awesome ice powers to freeze their raft in a solid extension of the falls. They were going at it midair above oblivion.

"That's right stupid Monkeys, I've got motherfuckin magic now!" Cronen roared.

Bit too loud. The ice pillar broke and they plummeted toward aforementioned certain doom.

[Breaker]

The fall took an obnoxiously long amount of time. Josh and Kyo screamed in terror for a couple seconds, but then realized certain doom was at least ten minutes away and resumed boinking bunny-style. They actually both came and then had another quickie by the time the ice raft passed the halfway point. The gale of water from above had spread to individual droplets that plummeted all around them at the exact same speed. Josh crafted two goblets from ice and gathered some of the frigid water in each, passing one to Kyo.

"Dehydration causes muscle cramps," he said around a tooth-numbing sip, "and them's bitches." They were just getting down to some serious sex acts like the Dragoon Chit, the Akashiman Tickler, and the Njalian 69 when Josh noticed a cavern opening behind the falls.

Damn my uberception, was all he could think. But he did the responsible thing. He tossed Kyo into the cavern and dove in after. They landed heavily and rolled in the dust like true superninjas.

The ice raft accelerated suddenly and shattered on the water below, just for extra epic.

[Witchblade]

Kyosku flew into the cave, tucked her body into a ball and did a perfect roll, with her Legendary skills of acrobatics, on the surprisingly soft ground. Yeah, it's good to be an NPC. Cronen came up behind her only a second or two later, having promptly saved them from crashing down into an epic bloody mess of destruction.

"Where are we?" He asked.

It was quite obvious they were not in a regular cave. It was brightly lit and the walls, which didn't look like walls but solid coloured grey things, were covered in writing. Writing that kept moving faster than her eyes could make out. At the end of the long hall, a door stood.

Grabbing a yukata conveniently hanging in mid air, Kyo slipped it on and walked down to the door.

"It's the back door to the Admin section of Althanas." She told him.

A note was plastered to the door:

Dur, I r the back dor to Max Dirks' account, rulr of Althanas. Bwahahaha! I lulz and do watevar I want! Put har in case Sighter Tnailog stag a coupe.

"Finally...I've been searching for this for months now. Who would have thought I'd need to have sex with a level 50 super God and fall off the edge of a waterfall in order to find it."

[Breaker]

"It makes sense," Josh nodded reasonably, dusting off his naked body. "level 50 sex can be considered a spiritual experience. Says so in my profile." The Breaker ground some rocks between his hands and used the resulting dust to make himself a loincloth of modesty.

With magic.

"Now if only I can find a way to open it..." Kyo mused, running lithe fingers across the door's grainy surface.

"I think I can handle that," Josh said, "they don't call me the Breaker cuz I'm good at fixing things." He started to run up the wall but then realized his boots had come off at some point during their fornication of unlikeliness. "Fiddlesticks," he muttered as he plummeted back to the floor and rolled to safety again. Backwards.

"I got it," Kyo said, pushing the door open. "Now let's see what's in here..." Josh rushed over to peek through the door with her.

"Knowing Dirks, there's probably an adamantine giant with superguns in there," he whispered.

[Witchblade]

Kyosku Tetsoma opened the door as the sound of her laughter filled the hallway. "As if you have anything to worry about. You're a level 50 God and I'm an NPC. He could have Cathulu or Santhalas hiding in here and I'm sure we'd survive."

She always did wonder what happened to Santh. It would make sense for Dirks to keep him chained up in the empty chasm of his brain.

Kyo stepped into a brightly lit hallway. The walls were white, fluorescent bulbs hung from the ceiling, creating a harsh, sterile glare that hurt her eyes.

"Ugh, ninja's prefer the dark."

She walked, with Cronen beside her, for what felt like hours. They passed by selfies of Dirks, posing while holding his guns in 'cool' positions. Even one of him in front of the bathroom mirror trying to flex his muscles. Whatever muscles he had. There were plenty of pin-up girls too; Sagequeen, Roht Mirage, Ashiakin, Valentina Snow, Enigmatic Immortal.

Kyo paused and shook her head. "I could have lived my whole life without seeing him in a bikini and be perfectly happy about it."

Finally they reached the end of the hall and with only one door to choose from, woohoo! Grabbing the handle, Kyo opened it up and stepped into the control room.

It looked like something from Star Trek. The new one, all brightly lit with sexy Karl Urban and his scruffiness. Only there was no Karl Urban here. There was only one chair at the master control panel, all blinking lights and flashing colours with dials and buttons and the latest touchscreen device from Blackberry.

That chair swung around as they entered, revealing a middle aged man with a large beer belly. Empty beer cans were strewn about the floor and panel in front of him, along with various take out boxes.

"Welcome to your nightmare!" He burst into an evil cackle, that quickly ended in a fit of laughter.

"Wait a minute," Kyo said as she stomped towards him, "I recognize that silver hair and those crimson eyes. You may have let yourself go, but you're still as unmistakable as the day we met in Concordia, Godhand Stryker."

That sly and sexy smirk of his lit his face and Kyo felt her insides go all fluttery.

"That's right, I'm the level 60 dungeon master, bitches!"

[Lye]

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