Connections are More Dangerous than Lies (Closed)

[oren]

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A dark haired woman sat at one of the desks writing away in her note book. Out of all the places she'd ended up in she was lucky to end up in a city with a library, and now she was able to get some of her notes done without having to run back to late Wesley's bookstore just to get a specific book she could find it here at least. She wrote away moving aside some of the loose leaf paper she used when she had a certain topic in mind just not ready to enter them into the note book. In the middle of shuffling books and scrolls around so she could see if she could make anymore notes on her current topic, her stack of miscellaneous papers fell to the floor.

Yin looked at her neatly ordered paper now scattered on the floor and sighed as she got off her chair then began to pick up the paper with the messy scribbles she had when she could care less about a topic. Looking at her own writing it was a definite contrast to the neat small cursive that could be found in her note book, journal, and mission-adventure log. Standing near the table she counted out the number of sheets there were.

'Damn,' she thought as she looked around the desk for the two missing sheets.

Stacking them back in a similar order as she had them she left the desk to pick up the one that slid into the passage between the shelves behind her. She smiled looking at it and searched for the other. Not finding it in sight she was on her stomach trying to look under the shelves for the last one. Lucky for her she could see a glimpse of the paper.

'Other side.'

Getting up she left the paper with little notes on the living dead on top of her note book and drifted back to the other side of the bookshelf and picked up the piece of paper sliding it out from under the shelf. Yin looked at it for a moment getting some interest into the topic and started searching the library for any scrolls. Finding an empty scroll holder she was disappointed not being able to find anything in regards to her research.

"So much for a library..." she said quietly, walking back to her desk dusting off her clothes.

[Raelyse]

Fresh from the relinquishment of his leadership of the Grander’s Order and the sudden reacquiring of the full capabilities of his right leg, Raelyse walked with an unexpected, almost uncharacteristic spring in his step. The chains of being a leader had been shed and for the first time in a long while, the Myrusian felt carefree. He knew it was a temporary feeling though, one that would only last a short time, before his desire returned and he wanted to pursue the joy of having subordinates again. When that time came, he knew that would not be in Alerar or with the Grander’s Order. This continent, its people and even his own men had grown stale and boring. With little opportunities for expansion and even less to make himself prominent, upending himself from Alerar was an easy decision.

After some rest and relaxation, Raelyse decided the best choice of plan was for him to return to Corone, where he had countless connections who would present something interesting for him to do. The problem with this was the problem with the undead plague in Raiaera, which complicated travel all over Althanas. Many ships were swarming to the port town of Anebrilith to ‘rescue’ fleeing war victims… at exorbitant prices. Few ships docked in Alerar’s docks these days and even those were to restock in supplies before traveling to the suddenly lucrative docks of Raiaera. Going to Corone had suddenly become very complicated.

A sophisticated mind did not take very long to solve this problem though. Over lunch of grilled rabbit salad, Raelyse found a way to escape to Corone. He had lived in Alerar for long enough, ensuring the reach of the Grander’s Order had spread far enough in that time for him to have at least one method to get out of Alerar at a moment’s notice, when the situation deem it necessary. Deep in Ankhas library in Ettermire, there existed at least four or five scrolls which had the power to teleport the user anywhere on Althanas. They were safeguarded well, for their power was both coveted and useful. Raelyse had always wanted the craftiest of his warriors to sneak in and take it, but the opportunity never came up. Not that he minded of course… How easy could stealing a simple scroll be?

Ankhas library was so prominent in Ettermire that even a blind man could find it without difficulty. Hundreds flood in on a daily basis eager to consult the millions of texts within in or memorize spells scribed on its legion of scrolls. So, when someone of Raelyse’s craft and sneakiness decides that he wants to steal something, it goes almost unnoticed. The Myrusian manages to slide through the library with the ease of a slippery snake on oil, escaping the attention of all. He knows exactly where the scroll is but the deeper he goes into the library, the stronger a sudden, strange feeling within him becomes.

It is then that Raelyse notices that strange feeling is incited by the heightened security, something that he has never known to happen before. Approaching a security guard, the Myrusian straightens his back and puts on his most charismatic, conman-esque smile.

“Greetings, fine guardsman,” he says, his grin stretching the constraints of his face. “I’m searching for a teleporting scroll, but it appears that your capable colleagues don’t want to let me in for whatever reason. Perhaps, you could speak to them for me…”

The guard took one look at Raelyse, as if to examine him, before pointing at a large vault in a corridor about forty feet behind him.

“I’m sorry, Milord,” he said, taking obvious note of Raelyse’s fine clothes and demeanor. “But after a series of thefts, the head librarian has ordered all remaining scrolls to be sealed up in the vault behind us and not to be taken out on loan or even taken out of the vault under any circumstances. Sorry, Milord.”

Raelyse sighed, using that reaction as a cover to quickly analyze the situation around him. There were at least four other guards in the immediate vicinity, but they were probably not very skilled. The Myrusian could easily dispatch all of them, but the problem lay in the vault. He could not hope to open it; he could not even see it clearly from here. But, if the situation deemed that all of Ankhas’ valuable scrolls be locked up, Raelyse was sure the vault was sealed so tight that few could open it.

“Fine then,” Raelyse said to the guard, shaking his head slightly. “I will return when the scrolls are available again, then.”

The Myrusian turned and walked off, all the while his mind scheming again. He could not wait, he would not wait… every moment he stayed in Alerar was wasted time.

[oren]

Yin frowned returning to her desk. Her one piece of paper went missing, it wasn't normal for things to get up and move away from her. She shook her head snapping out of it, she reminded herself that there was no such thing as inanimate objects moving on their own, of course unless there’s a ghost, or poltergeist around. She shook her head the researching and reading was making her lose it since the paper was right there with her notes. She picked up the note and placed it with the others putting all the sheets into her notebook as a bookmark. She started packing up everything careful not to mix up her books with the library's actual literature and walked out collecting her cloak and messenger bag from the guards. She’d never visited Alerar so she hadn’t known about the recent theft that went on around the library. So as any natural woman she assumed it was just plain male paranoia, her clairvoyant side told her not to be an idiot and just ask, and her less social side said someone OTHER than the guards who looked intimidating.

She carefully put her note book back into her bag in order with the rest of books and medical kit which always seemed to be stuffed with something other than the usual needle, string, and bandages. She put the inks and pens away in the hand sewn slots at the front hidden by the flap that closed the entire messenger bag. Just so she didn’t provoke anyone she neatly folded her cloak and rearranged her bag to fit it inside. Settling with the bag slightly heavier than it usually was she walked into the city just to find something to eat.

The black haired woman squinted as she walked out into the sun. Covering the top of her eyes so she could see without the blinding light blocking the view she walked down the stairs and looked around.

‘Where or where does my stomach want to go,’ her head sing-songed as she started walking, obviously the reading blindness wasn’t deterring her from lunch. ‘Now if only I knew where food was.’

She looked side to side, at least she didn’t say that out loud. The last thing she wanted was to look like a crazy person talking to no one in particular. Why did she suddenly care when she walked around with a ghost following her she usually seemed to be muttering to herself every second of the day. Mostly the phrases:

“Leave me alone.”

“I can’t help you “

“Can’t you haunt the place you died?”

“Why are you still here?”

and
“Don’t make me have to get rid of you myself.”

The last one usually got her into trouble since she had no idea how to do that. This is why she was happy to have found a library in that particular city. Although Yin was a little bit disappointed not to have been able to get at least one scroll about how to exorcise ghosts or spirits. She was a little more disappointed that there was not one scroll about necromancy.

“Time to start asking questions, Yin,” she said to herself stopping looking around for at least a fruit stall. "Does anyone EAT in this city?!"

[Raelyse]

When Raelyse was angry, all knew it. From the moment his exuberant leather boots left Ankhas library, all within a ten foot radius could tell that the Myrusian was not happy. The way he walked, the way the features on his face twisted with every motion but most of all, the way that he glared as he brushed by people alerted them that he was not in any mood to be trifled with. He had been spoilt for his growing years and had the capabilities and skills to procure enough subordinates that the hand feeding continued into his adult hood, until this moment. At this time though, he did not get what he wanted and there was no foreseeable way that he could get it. It was an alien feeling and one that Raelyse did not like at all.

The way that Raelyse saw it, he saw no reason to make a good impression to people in a land he did not want to return to anytime soon. Usually, Ettermire saw a much better behaved Myrusian, one that was uppity, but at least took the time to greet the people who would show him the respect he craved. This time though, he scowled and glowered, sending chills down the backs of all those who saw his blue eyes, twisted in frustration and rage. Such was his effect that there was an almost visible effect in his wake as people parted to avoid him, the sight of him giving people enough unease and discomfort to scatter.

It did not take long before the distance between Raelyse and Ankhas became distant, his annoyance clouding his judgment and guiding his feet in random directions. He took turn after turn, his mind filled with violent and resentful thoughts, barely taking a note of his surroundings. The streets of Ettermire were victim to his irritation and it seemed only a matter of time before his emotions made him do something rash to alleviate the red mist.

Then, just as he rounded a corner, Raelyse’s eyes saw something that made the anger seep away. As he turned from an alleyway into a main road, he seemed to leave behind all his negative emotions behind him as he strode forward with purpose. His chest shot out slightly and his back arched straight, but most importantly, his scowl faded and melted into a much more soft smile, one that brandished with pride each and every one his teeth, shining in the little light that the setting Alerar sun provided. It did not take a genius to tell what the Myrusian’s eyes had seen.

In Raelyse’s mind, there existed two guilty pleasures, both of which continuously jostled with each other for dominance in any decision that was made. His thirst for fame had just lost out to his lust for women. Across the road from him, despite all the distractions of people that danced across his vision, lay an exquisite sight of copious perfection in every possible feature.

His feet drove him forward, eager to please the mind that had drunk in the sight of her and wanted more. Eyes dried up as he could not blink, lest a minute of the beauty be missed. A slim figure, yet shapely where a woman should be shapely with tattoos partially hidden by clothing stealing even more of his attention was almost too much for Raelyse to endure. So many different and bewitching stimuli all condensed into one form of ravishing splendor; he had not seen anything like it. His eyes roamed along her body, transfixed yet wanting more. Short black hair swayed alluringly in the little wind that Ettermire provided, partially obstructing radiant features. The wind blew once more, a gentle breeze that brushed against her face just right, and then every strand of hair seemed to part for her beauty.

By now, Raelyse had been so distracted that he had known that his feet had brought him to within ten feet of the girl he had been staring so laboriously at. He had only been snapped from his staring by her voice, which didn’t seem to be talking at all, more like a finely composed melody prancing on the wind. It took him a few moments to comprehend what she had said, but when she did, he instantly reacted.

There were many times where Raelyse committed acts that were legally dubious, and he was about to do one. A quick glance to his right showed him an inattentive shopkeeper standing next to a stall filled with fruit; a combination that was suddenly dangerous at this time. The Myrusian stretched out his right hand and opened his palm. Before a moment had passed, the juiciest, roundest apple levitated off the stall and flew into his open arms, which enclosed around it as tight as they would around any treasure. Raelyse turned his attention to the specimen of beauty that was even closer to him now and walked slowly towards her, simultaneously composing himself and using his magical talents to chill the apple to the best possible temperature for eating.

“I couldn’t help overhearing. If a lady needs food, then surely all she needs to do is look for the nearest gentleman,” Raelyse said, his most charming smile across his handsome face. He stretched out his left hand, brandishing the apple in front of her.

“My name is Raelyse and Thayne be praised that I am the nearest.”

[oren]

Yin stopped what she was about to say and flushed. She did the best she could to return the smile and get rid of the blush as she turned to him but the embarrassment of her slight breakdown just made it even more difficult. The fact he was a good looking man just made things worse, now she couldn’t even talk. She sees the apple he’s offered her.

“Hi my name is Apple, thanks you for the Yin…” she said turning her head down to the side mentally cursing.

That didn’t come out right at all. Yin looked back up at Raelyse.

“Sorry let me say that again,” she said managing to get rid of the blush. “Hi my name is Yin, thank you very much for the apple!”

Yin held up a non existant apple in her hand after thanking him. 'Damn...' Now she couldn’t even smile now that she’s realized that now she looks like a complete idiot. She took the apple from him and nodded as a very silent and embarrased thank you. 'This is why you need to socialize! So things like this don't happen again!'

"Be praised indeed that a gentleman like yourself is around," she said complimenting him and remembered something. "Do you know why there is so much tension around the library?"

[Raelyse]

All bunnying from here on approved by both parties. This includes both conversations and actions.
Tomboyish qualities may have stolen his eyes, but it was most certainly stuttering nervousness that ensured Yin kept his attention. The way she talked made the hairs on his arm stand on end on a warm summer day; it made him think of a time when he was much younger, when boys and girls had to muster courage just to talk to each other. Yin and Raelyse were grown now, but the way she spoke endeared the Myrusian to younger times. He dug his cane into the ground, using it as support so that he could swing around on it to move into a more relaxed posture.

His palm still tingled from the brief touch between them when her fingernails had brushed against it. Gentle and graceful, yet with a quiet strength about them; there was no more intriguing woman Raelyse had seen in a while. Every part of her his senses took in only resulted in piquing his curiosity and creating more intrigue and he hungered to learn more about her, but not too quickly. She was like a piquant meal to the Myrusian. He wanted to devour and ravish it because it triggered his greed, but at the same time he wanted to do it slowly, breathing in every tiny niche to savor its taste on the tip of his tongue. That such a shy girl lay beneath such an impeccable exterior only served to complicate matters, but not in any way that Raelyse would ever complain.

A temporary distraction fought its way past the Myrusian’s wishful dream when she mentioned the library. Raelyse had only just learnt of the situation there, but yet she spoke of it as if it were commonplace. That it rolled off her tongue so easily to a stranger, even a devastatingly handsome one, meant that the problems with Ankhas’ scrolls must have been well known. If he had known, he would definitely have thought of another way to get off Alerar. But then again, if he had done that, his eyes would not have been captivated. It was at that exact moment that Raelyse decided to stay in Ettermire… for a while longer.

“I’m sorry I do not, Yin,” the Myrusian said, his voice soft and gentle, his tongue piercing through the twin walls of his lips as he spoke to draw her eyes to them. “But the guardsman convinced me with utmost confidence that the head librarian is working towards remedying this situation with steely determination. I’m sure it won’t be long before we can go back and get whatever we want… together.”

That last word was added as if were an after note, one that changed the whole meaning of every word before it. If it did so, then Raelyse succeeded in his aims. He continued though, his mouth never stopping to move as he tried to enrapture her attentions the same way she had done his.

“The tension in the library is beyond our control, but a certain other tension,” he said, in the same manner as before. His arm extended at this point, gesturing towards an upper middle class inn, one that Yin was closest to when Raelyse had first seen her. It looked to be a respectable and upright establishment, if a bit mediocre by the Myrusian’s standards. It was its name, The Jovial Secret, though which convinced him that this was the place he wanted. “… is definitely within our powers to remedy. I’m sure the lady wouldn’t mind if I treated her to a lovely dinner to christen our meeting? An apple, as juicy as it might be, can’t be enough to satiate you, can it?”

Raelyse had begun to walk over as he spoke, with her in tow, but when he finished, he stopped briefly and looked down into her eyes for a brief moment, his tongue pushing past his lips with ease and subtly sliding across his lips.

“I know it would never come close satiating me.”

[oren]

It really wasn’t her intention to capture Raelyse’s attention. In fact it never even occurred to her that he turned into a fish attracted to a colourful lure in water for a moment, but that hadn’t really mattered since she was the one being the fish. Yin couldn’t stop looking at him, and before she knew it he was standing right in front of her and nothing was making her gaze tear away from his. Why was this man she just met so incredibly handsome? Even the way he spoke made her speechless. He certainly wasn’t like most men who only held her attention for a few minutes before she would run off chasing after spirits who pestered the living. Not this man, he had her full attention and a desire along with a little curiosity that for whatever reason made her want this new man. But something made her stop the staring and actually pay attention to what he had to say next.

She was disappointed about him not knowing anything about the library. His voice just made her feel so reassured about things getting better in regards to the place she needed to do her research, and at the mention of the apple she remembered the one that was in her hand. He’d be surprised what practice she’s been through eating little foods and being happy with it was something she was completely fine with. Watching him gesture to the inn, she tilted her head and looked at the inn beside her, part of her wondering why he was gesturing to the place she was staying in for the night Although it would be nice to at least eat some proper food, but that wasn’t the reason why she was going to say:

“Yes,“ began Yin looking at him again. “I would love to sit down and have dinner with you.”

Yin was more interested about learning more about Raelyse. The fact he walked with a cane was the first thing on her mind, then every other question she was ready to fire at him followed. She preferred to just save the questions unless the subject matter popped up in conversation as they ate dinner. After all there was nothing better at killing a friendship or more, than asking questions that made things so uncomfortable that one or the other would have to leave in an instant.

“Just… give me a few minutes to put my things away,” she said realizing that him gesturing to the inn made her remember how heavy the bag had gotten with her cloak inside.

Before heading inside she tilted her head a bit. "You can follow if you like," she said, "But there's nothing interesting about putting away a bag." She drifted into The Jovial Secret and up towards her room .

As she made her way down the hall towards one of the middle rooms she accidentally bumped into someone.

"S-sorry," she said wondering what made her stutter when she apologized and just got her a pat on the arm before being left alone. Shaking her head she took out the key to her room and opened the door dropping off her bag onto the desk chair before checking the small money pouch on her belt for money. She smiled to herself. Decent amount at least for her half of dinner.

[Raelyse]

The couple were captivated by each other, eyes trapped firmly on eyes, lips, curves, shoulders, hair and every other feature that made the two of them splendidly attractive. So enthralled by each other that the two hardly made eye contact with The Jovial Secret as they meandered towards it. There were not that many words said in that time; why would there be when they would serve no purpose at all? Their eyes said a hundred things and their body language, a thousand more.

The door of the inn pushed open, welcoming the two of them to its upper middle class surroundings. The distinct bar smell that Raelyse had encountered countless times was so present in this air that he almost felt submerged by it. Beer, sweaty workers, wenches with too much perfume and a dozen other stimuli flooded into his nostrils like a rushing river. This place was busy and noisy, the two words that the Myrusian hated most in the context. Fortunately for him, the girl at his side was less than repulsed by the thought of pushing her way through the crowd and promptly did so, sliding her way in between the small nooks and crannies in the crowd to make their way towards her room. Squeezing in between overweight, sweat encrusted blue collar workers was not among his favorite thing to do; but somehow, the sudden sensation of Yin's slender fingers, wrapped delicately yet tightly around his, so they would not lose each other, was very comforting.

“But my dear,” the Myrusian said with a smile, when she invited him to her room, even if only to put her belongings down. “As we've already established, I'm a gentleman. Maybe you haven't come into as many gentleman as you would've liked, or maybe they're just not of my caliber, but I never turn down an invitation. And besides...”

Raelyse paused for the moment, tightening his grip around her finger gently for a moment, before using his magick to cool his hand's temperature, before transferring that feeling and sending chills all the way up her arm.

“... There's always something interesting to do when I'm about,” he added, with a charismatic smile that she did not see, though the authority in his voice ensured that she at least imagined it.

A stranger bumped into her and nearly into Raelyse, but he left it at that, too preoccupied with other matters to chase people and chastise them for their lack of manners. By now, the noise of the tavern was behind them and while it was still present, it wasn't nearly as loud as before. The Myrusian wanted to leave all that; it was time for him and Yin to be alone, so he could learn and explore how she had captured his attention so quickly.

After realizing that interacting her was the only way to answer his question, Raelyse entered her room, unremarkable by all standards except by its occupants, and closed it behind him. He waited as she put down her bag then slowly approached her, letting his cane gently rest against the chair where her bag was. He saw her reach for her money pouch but he stopped her there instantly, his hand stretching across and grabbing her wrist gently. The Myrusian used his magick again at this point, cooling her arm to send chills through her body.

“When will you ever learn? I will never let you pay for anything or do anything, I'm a gentleman,” he said, gradually moving his body closer and closer to her's as each word left his mouth. At the same time, he lifted her hand up above her head, pushing her back subtly and gently against the wall. Raelyse's other hand came across to her's, pushing it gently aside. Their bodies were inches apart at this point, their lips closest of all.

“Maybe you need to spend more time with me.”

[oren]

Yin wasn’t one to be disgusted by making her way through noisy busy crowds, she had gotten used to it when she was running errands for late Wesley, but at the moment they weren’t outside of her room trying to get through a group of hot sweaty people crammed into the lobby of the inn, and she’d barely noticed the chill down her arm, when she was opening the door to her room. Cold brushes and shivers were something she learned to get used to working with supernatural entities.

Looking at her wrist that Raelyse took into his hand she recognized the same cold feeling from before and naturally she reacted the way he’d wanted her to and shivered. Little goose bumps appeared on her arm and wherever the chill reached, the fine hairs standing on end, her nipples lightly peaked. However he wanted her to react to whatever he did to her happened, and right now she wanted him closer since he was the only thing in the room that was warm enough to make the cold feeling go away.

Her pale green eyes looked at him through half closed eyelids from her place. He certainly wasn’t like every other gentleman, and certainly proved he had been raised well, not to say others weren’t.

“Perhaps I do need to.” She said wanting him closer so that the gap between them closed, she would let him have his way with her, completely, if he would do that. Alright she admitted to herself not completely since her own body was moving away from the wall to press against his.

[Raelyse]

It took every ounce of strength to restrain the raging, virile beast within Raelyse when Yin's delicate, sultry voice blew warm breath all over his face. That small amount of air made every hair on his body stand to attention like a marching contingent and sending his heart on a pumping frenzy as it compensated for the skips in his heart beat.

Her dainty, almost delicate hands slipped around his neck and pulled him even closer, her body moving away from the wall to rub evocatively against his. Petite fingers ran down the nape of his neck, provoking the hairs, standing on end and arousing emotions that beckoned to be released. Her graceful wrist twirled and went down underneath his jacket, pushing it off his back effortlessly and on to the ground. Yin looked up at Raelyse, who for once was silent. But like before, his eyes stared into her's and told everything that she wanted to know.

Lips ravishingly grabbed lips, as if this kiss was one that had waited for decades. It wasn't clear who had initiated it, whose lips had truly latched onto who's, but it was clear that both of them were satisfying the urges that until recently, had been deep seated. Raelyse's hands roamed her body, forcefully running along and exploring her thighs, sliding up to her waist and caressing her stomach above her dual layer of clothing. His tongue thrust past her lips and into her mouth, twirling some exotic masquerade in her mouth with her tongue as partner. His muscular hands slid underneath her tunic and pushed them apart briefly, only for a couple of seconds at most, so that he could lift it off her and throw it to the side.

In that time, their lips ached for the other's so much so that even before her tunic left her skin, Yin pushed Raelyse straight onto her single bed. The Myrusian was surprised at her strength and tenacity, though was more than pleased when she shoved him onto his back. The bed was uncomfortable and the mattress too thin, but for the first time, he did not care. Yin's fingers slid under her last remaining bit of clothing covering her torso, a sleeveless turtleneck, and lifted it clean off her neck, revealing her ample breasts, better than Raelyse could have ever imagined.

The girl almost launched herself onto the Myrusian at this point, landing on his stomach and immediately starting to unbutton his shirt. It was an almost primal frenzy that Yin entered in this point, her back leaning down forwards and sending her lips to hungrily grab Raelyse's, before turning her attention downwards as her sensuous body slid its way down along his, carnally sucking at his neck, trailing her lascivious tongue down his chest, suggestive fingers caressing his stomach and ending as her body glided onto the ground, taking his pants with her.

Raelyse felt the aroused, fervent and passionate feelings well up in him as Yin's body slowly rose, the last of her clothing staying on the ground.

“I haven't even begun to have my way with you yet,” he said, as his hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her into him.

[oren]

There was a slight lack of self restraint coming from her, but she could not help but give a soft moan through the kiss as his hands moved along the curves of her body. She wasn’t sure whether his touch actually appreciated the feel, but at that moment she didn’t care. Yin could only imagine as her tunic came off what it would be like to have just pure skin to skin contact with him. She wasn’t going to give him time to think about it either as she pushed him back onto her bed.

Just for show and a tease she took the time to pull off the turtleneck and tossing it aside. Standing there for a moment for his appraisal she smiled preferring to take her time even just for a little while to imagine everything he was without the clothing. It just made her want him more as she moved to take off his shirt watching his face when she was done as she purposely touched and teased every sensitive part of his torso, and not wanting to see his handsome face distort itself anymore she bent down to his him, moving lower impressed that a man could shudder at even the smallest touch and kiss.

When she finally removed all of her clothing and his, she grinned at the comment he made. Yin straddled him teasing him a little while longer and said, “Maybe I won’t let you.” Her fingers threaded themselves through his hair pulling his head towards her for another kiss.

She’d gotten his response when she squealed as he rolled with her until she was underneath him. She moaned once more as he’d given her the same torture as she had done with him, hands still on her waist to keep her still. When he moved back up to kiss her lips one of his hands moved to caress her neck as he planted soft kisses there, and accepting the invite from her open legs.

Yin’s arms were still wrapped around Raelyse’s neck when they’d finished. She'd enjoyed thier coupling, and hoped he wouldn't move. He was warm, and it felt wonderful to have his body covering her instead of the sheets they lay ontop of.

[Raelyse]

It was an exciting, tiring and blissful few hours later when Raelyse and Yin finally broke their contact, the weary, yet not entirely spent, Myrusian standing off her and moving away. The experience had been pleasurable for both involved and he did not regret one moment or one action since he had first encountered her... everything he did was of his own accord and everything he had done had rewarded him. And yet, as sweat rolled off his body, still fresh with her scent, he did not feel as pleased with himself as he felt that he should.

A quick glance at Yin's naked body, partially obstructed by the sheets of the pillow, was enough to pull him like bees to honey but he resisted, for now. Every crevice and curve of her's had been caressed and explored by his hands many times and despite the fact that he wanted to again, he felt as though he should not. Something within him stirred his usually indomitable confidence.

But his eyes would not move away from her body and temptation knocked on his door again and again, until Raelyse could not take it any more and decided to throw caution to the wind, hoping that the problems with himself would sort themselves out. He advanced on his partner, taking her up in his powerful arms and lifting her off the bed. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she leaned forward, taking his mouth into her's, attacking his lips with her's. Clearly not spent, she ravaged the Myrusian, assaulting him with passionate kiss after kiss, so much so that he could barely respond with anything other than accommodation.

She beckoned him to move backwards at this point, somehow communicating that. She shoved him roughly against the wall, letting her legs slink gently to the ground. One leg looped around his thigh, pulling him into her. She broke their passionate kiss as the first steps of their love making was taken, gasps of pleasure escaping her luscious lips. Raelyse let one of his hands fall to her firm buttocks and his fingers grabbed them roughly and pulled her into him.

It was at this moment that any doubts that Raelyse might have about Yin vanished. But even throughout their sensual love making, the thoughts remained within him. Something was going to happen, but the Myrusian was now too enamored with his newfound partner to care.

[oren]

There wasn’t anything that could really disturb their moment. At least that is what Yin thought looking up at Raelyse resting against him, but the maternal part of her made her want to move away. It wasn’t because she did not like him or what he’d done, she was more or less possessed to think that people she cared about would either die, or just disappear in general. Yin kicked herself mentally and stayed put, life wasn’t going to be completely unfair to her, or was it.

The knock on the door motivated her to move and pull on her clothes to get the door. Yin stood after pulling on her boots and walked over to the door forgetting about her weaponry on the table, and bag on the chair. She figured she wouldn’t need them as she opened the door surprised to see several men investigating the theft from the library. Not that she would have known she was still new in the area and would be ready to leave seeing as there were no hauntings or other activities in regards to her profession.

“Oh… Uh… May I help you?” she asked a little bit disturbed with their sudden decision to appear outside her door, as far as she was concerned she’d done nothing wrong.

“We’ve received a hint as to where the stolen items from the library may be,” the leading officer began looking down at her. “One led us to this room and a bulky bag, we need to come in and have a look.”

The last statement left Yin standing there jaw-slacked as they pushed their way through. It seemed like her silence said yes. Before she could make any protest she turned to see a scroll in the hands of one of the officers. She was completely devastated there was no way she would have a scroll in her bag. She was absolutely sure she would not have mixed up any literature with her own work, and besides she would never steal she had no reason to. Between mixed feelings about the predicament she was in and trying to figure out what was going on her heart almost stopped looking at Raelyse.

Yin shook her head this was a joke, she couldn’t have- and as soon as her thoughts started spinning into a repetitive circle she remembered her earlier encounter with a man.

As she was lost in thought her bag fell to the ground and the contents spilled out her note book with all her research was open along with the little papers of scribbles. Yin’s profession had just gotten her into more trouble. The relevance of ghosts, spirits, the dead, whatever one wanted to call it and the scroll in their hands made her look very guilty. Yin snapped out of it knowing she was innocent, but looking at her book that just betrayed her, she knew she was going to be arrested by the look on the men’s faces.

[Raelyse]

Things happened so fast for Raelyse that his eyes did not even have time to adjust and tell him what was happening. One moment, his arms were around one of the most beautiful females in Alerar and a few seconds later, not only was she dressing up, but two enforcers of the law were bursting into their room, emptying the contents of her back.

The Myrusian rose instantly, grabbing his clothes and slipping them on as quickly as he could, eyes locked on the twin policemen who had entered their room.

“What is the meaning of this?” he shouted, though his question was quickly answered when he spied what was inside Yin's bag. The first thing that he saw was a large piece of parchment, rolled into a scroll and embossed with one of the unique logos of Ankhas library. As if that wasn't incriminating enough, the policeman read her journal aloud, alerting all that she had researched the scrolls and had known almost everything about this.

At this point, Raelyse did not know what to think. Already, the policemen were starting to apprehend Yin, collecting her belongings and slipping a pair of magical handcuffs around her wrists.

“Sir,” the policeman said, approaching the Myrusian. “You are under arrest for aiding theft.”

At first, Raelyse thought of using his powers, he could easily dispatch these two without much difficulty but then he could never return to Alerar again. He wanted to leave but when it came down to it, was he ready to close the door on Alerar forever?

By the time he had finished thinking, a similar pair of handcuffs had been slid around his wrists, rendering him useless. The Myrusian turned, his eyes locked on Yin, hoping that she was looking back at him, if only so that she could see the way that he looked at her.

He had been set up and he definitely wasn't feeling the same way about her as he was a few minutes ago.

[oren]

This wasn’t happening, it was all just a terrible nightmare and she was going to wake up. Yin looked at Raelyse even more shocked than she wanted to be, even worse when she realized that he was being accused for the crime as well. She looked at the officer that was putting the handcuffs around her wrists, and started trying to wriggle away from the policeman has be pulled her out of the room, and she could care less about the walk of shame they were putting her through when they dragged her out of the inn.

As they locked her into the transport to the prison she looked out the barred window and saw the same man from the day before standing amongst the crowds. She looked towards the guards in front of the prisoner’s carriage. She wanted to point out the man, but doing that would make things worse.

Sitting down on the uncomfortable bench Yin looked at the floor of the carriage her back against the wall. She couldn’t believe her profession would have gotten her into so much trouble but it did this time around, and it’s sending her and another innocent person to prison. Frustrated with the predicament she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes trying to think of what to do. If she breaks out she becomes a fugitive on the run, if she stays she might have her hands chopped off or whatever they did to punish thieves, but staying also had the chance of being let go with an apology.

‘Hell why am I even being arrested,’ she thought letting go of her eyes. ‘I don’t even have any real magic.’

“That is what I call a lie,” said a raspy voice across from her.

Yin tilted her head looking at the transparent man across from her. She was a little disgusted by the fact he looked dirty and somewhat toothless, with a pot belly. Like her he had the cuffs around his wrists.

“What do you mean it’s a lie,” she said quietly so that the officers outside couldn’t hear her. It was bad enough she was being arrested the last thing she needed was to be sent to an asylum for talking to the air, most people without her gift couldn’t see or hear the ghostly man unless he wanted them to hear or see him. “I don’t have real magic.”

He laughed at her, and scratched his nose. “Yer a funny little lass aren’t ya.” He sniffed looking at his finger. “Look yer not going to be leavin’ any time soon. No one ever does.” He coughed and hacked into his hands before wiping them onto his pants. “I may be dead, and I’m still here.”

Yin glared at the ghost before her. “Be a pessimist all you want,” she whispered. “I will be out of here and that man that framed my friend and I will die, he’s messing in things he probably can’t handle.”

He laughed at her again before sniffing again looking out the barred window. “I’d say yer outta luck they’re bringing out yer so called friend now, an' he’s not too happy.”

The truth hit her, the dead man was right. Raelyse was angry, he was probably thinking she set him up and most likely hated every bit of her. She looked out as the two officers brought him out of the inn and pushed him into the prisoner’s carriage with her shutting and locking the door behind him. Yin looked back at the ghost only to find he’s disappeared.

Her stomach dropped as the carriage began to move. She wanted to explain everything to Raelyse just so he'd understand that she wasn't the one who took the scroll. Yin wanted him to know that her notebook was only a general field guide for her profession, and part of her research as many clairvoyant's under her late master Wesley were taught. She want to to explain a lot of things, but now wasn't the time. All she could do for the moment just to save herself from his wrath was to brace herself and wait until he'd started yelling and cursing her to hell, if that was the way he was. Yin hoped he wasn't like that, as her pale green eyes searched out his so he could see that she was innocent and would never do anything to set him up.

[Raelyse]

This was the first time Raelyse had been apprehended by the law enforcement. Usually, he'd have the skills to fend off the police, sneak away, or flash a fair few gold coins which would give him the ability to walk away from the scene of the crime. All three of those options had been viable in this case, but he did not exercise any of them, instead choosing to go ahead and face the horrors of whatever justice system Alerar used to punish its criminals. It was not for penance or for shame that he did so though, it was for his agenda.

Whoever stole the scrolls from Ankhas, Yin or otherwise, had taken the careful time to set him up, to take him out of the picture for whatever reason. Whoever that person was, he had drastically underestimated Raelyse. The only thing that stopped the Myrusian from breaking free of his bonds, reclaiming his possessions and going for revenge was the mysterious identity of the one who had framed him. As soon as he figured that out, no bars, no guards would be able to hold the man whose fury was bounded only by his pride. And when that pride was hurt, the anger, unrestrained, is released.

As for his companion, the girl of beauty he had been so enamored with before, he could hardly look at her. The Myrusian would simply glance to the side of their dank carriage, trying his best to show his cold side to her. He still wasn't one hundred per cent sure that she was totally innocent. Only now when the mist of infatuation had risen did he see clearly, did he realize how little he knew about her. Not for the first time had Raelyse thought with an organ other than his brain though this was the first time that thought process had backfired on him so drastically. Until she proved herself to him, until he knew her better, he would not acknowledge her.

The carriage grinded to a halt after about half an hour of traveling and the doors of the carriage were pulled open, revealing the police station cum prison of this city. Without hestitation or delay, the policemen pulled Raelyse and his companion into it to deal with the results of their actions.

[oren]

It seemed almost amusing for some to watch the great and noble Raelyse be taken into the prison with a mysterious woman who’d just entered the city. Some couldn’t understand what was going on, others were just pleased to know that the thieves were caught. It was the joke of the day, the man that was supposed to strike fear into the hearts of others when his temper skyrocketed, was now a convicted thief.

Pushing the pair into one of the cells, they could hear the door shut and the sliding lock slip into place, reinforced with a padlock. Yin looked around the dark room the only light source in the room came from the barred window at the opposite end of the door. It was completely repulsive, from the moth eaten beds that did not seem too comfortable from the start, to the stench of urine and rat droppings. Lucky for them it was a temporary holding cell until their trial in the morning. Knowing that the city loved to flaunt their knowledge, this was an embarrassment for the entire city to have scrolls and idols stolen from their very own library. Obviously it was going to be a punishment worse than death for both Yin and Raelyse.

Yin sighed and sat down rubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms.

“This is a joke,” she was talking to herself more than Raelyse, but she looked at him anyways apologizing. “I’m so sorry about all this, but I wouldn’t have stolen those scrolls.”

The dark haired woman looked at the bed opposite hers. “I have no reason to,” she said trying to think of anything that would make him trust her again. They still were strangers to each other, and that’s what made her figure out how to explain herself. “That notebook is my research, I cannot do my job without taking notation of events or understanding what really haunts people from day to –“ she suddenly stopped talking when she realized someone was watching them from the door, and looked over at it. A finger poked in to try and get them closer to the door. Yin got up and walked over trying to avoid any contact with Raelyse as she did. Standing on her toes she tried to get a good look at the person and just managed to recognize the cloak.

The man was there to taunt them, at how he was going to get away with the crime, and they were most-likely going to lose a limb or go through a horribly long torture session in order to get the point that stealing is bad through their heads.

“Ettermire’s judge is about to sentence you and your friend in a few hours,” he said rather amused to hear how angry she was at this point after his taunts.

“Why us then?” she said trying to get her temper down to something more calm.

“He would have been a problem helping you once you learned about my plans,” said the man keeping his voice low, but still had that tone of amusement attached to it.

Yin’s brow furrowed then realized he knew about her profession. She couldn’t believe it, her job really did get them into this much trouble. But how did he know Yin was a clairvoyant? And then she remembered the entire incident involving her loose leaf paper. He must have somehow gotten a look at her research. He must have also known something about Raelyse that compelled him to pin the blame on him as well.

Then the man was gone leaving a disturbed Yin and a possibly very angry Raelyse.

[Raelyse]

From the moments the bonds were clasped around his wrists, the Myrusian magician was already beginning to think of all the ways that he would break free of them. His mind was cold and calculating now, thinking of only himself. He would reclaim the scrolls and his reputation this day and to do that, he needed to go along with the police for now and wait for the veil around the culprit to fall. After being shoved roughly into the cell, Raelyse forced himself to sit down on the dirty, uncomfortable prison bench while his mind continued its train of thoughts.

It didn't have to think for long, because all the answers and more that the Myrusian wanted suddenly presented themselves to him. A voice, quiet and mysterious, rang in his ears, stealing his attention. It was Yin who engaged him and from their brief question, it was obvious that whoever this man was, he was obviously the culprit and the one who had framed Raelyse. Did that prove Yin's innocence? The Myrusian tried his best, but he found that he could not trust her, not after the events that had transpired this day. As much as little trust in him wanted to belong to her, the pessimist in him reminded that he was in this situation because of her.

Now that all the thoughts had been dealt with and most of the questions answered, Raelyse knew that it was time for action. Without delay, he concentrated, feeling the ice magick within him pulse through his body. It was a great feeling to feel that power once again, like releasing a caged animal or a repressed emotion. It took little effort for him to freeze his shackles and a moment later, break free of them now that they were brittle ice. The Myrusian rose, a man triumphant. His right hand opened, all five of his digits pointing at the door, his hand outstretched. Concentrating once more, he used his powers to freeze the lock of the door and a second later, shatter it into a million icy pieces. His telekinesis was the next to act, pushing the door with such force that it flew off its hinges and into the doorway.

That was not the end to his display of raw magical strength though, for not a moment later, his cane flew through the air, from wherever the police had stored it and into Raelyse's outstretched, welcoming right hand. Focusing on its magical energies, so familiar to the Myrusian, all Raelyse had to do was beckon it to him with his telekinesis and it obeyed. Tapping it firmly on the ground, satisfied with how efficient he had freed himself, Raelyse walked straight out of the cell, leaving Yin to her own devices. She could do whatever she wanted, for all he cared, she was nothing but someone who had manipulated him for all he cared. If she was lucky, she'd never see the Myrusian again and he'd never take revenge for what she had put him through. For now, she could count herself lucky that Raelyse had more important matters to deal with... namely the one who had the scrolls.

He had sensed his energy before, when he was talking to Yin, and now with the single-minded desperation of a blood hound, Raelyse tracked him.

[oren]

Snapping away from her thoughts she found the door broken down and away. Yin looked around finding Raelyse gone, and an obvious path of destruction left behind. She wasn’t an empath but the feeling that he had no trust for her still lingered in the room, and it hurt. Right now wasn’t the time for self pity she had to get out while she still could. Walking out she found several guards who’d been dealt with by Raelyse. She searched them and luckily found one with the keys to the hand cuffs hanging off one of their belts.

She felt compelled to find the scroll thief herself. He framed her, ruined any form of friendship with the lovely gentleman who now hated her, but that wasn’t her sole reason to give him a more horrible end than anything the Ettermire courts could come up with. But first she needed to deal with the judge presiding over their case. After all, their names have to be cleared before she could do anything. Tucking away the key to her cuffs she sat in wait in the room for a few minutes before the next round of guards burst in and took her up into the court room.

They were so ready to condemn her when she finally piped up. There was no way she was going to get punished, or let them hunt down Raelyse just so their form of justice, for a crime neither of them had committed, “Your honour may I PLEASE speak for myself.”

She was determined to get the story straight. Explaining to them that it was her profession to understand these things, and that all she’s done is try to help people who are tortured day to day by the dead. “My companion,” she said though it was not so much that anymore, “and I walked into this man at the Jovial Secret. Of course I felt scared of him, I didn’t want him to touch me but he did by patting my shoulder and made me feel uncomfortable.”

“And what about your companion?” asked the judge.

“I assumed he bumped into him too since we were just going to put our things away then go and have dinner. But we were interrupted on our way to leave when the guards appeared to arrest us.”

It was clear to them that this was only her job to know these things and clearly the stranger that scared her half to death was the real culprit. A sweet innocent looking girl and her friend were framed by this disgusting man, but there was something that they wanted her to do, and if she managed to find her friend then it would be both of them. They wanted the culprit brought in dead or alive, and recover all the stolen scrolls and idols. The courts and the librarians assured them there would be a reward for the both of them. Yin nodded in agreement and she was set free of the cuffs. All of her weaponry and belongings returned o her.

Leaving the court house Yin followed hunches and several shivers. She was more a long the lines of asking the ghosts where this man was. They were leading her in the same direction as they had seen him, and the currently obsessed Raelyse. Closing her eyes she continued following and to her dismay there was the last person she wanted to meet up with outside the place the spirits told her to go to. She didn’t care if he wanted to kill her that was fine but she was placed with a job to do whether he liked it or not.

“You can hate and blame me all you like. I didn't do anything to get you arrested,” she said standing next to him finding herself a way in and a stable window ledge too, it was more of a distraction she did not want to look at him at all. “At least know I cared enough to clear your name before you barge in there.”

She waited for him to do or say something that would hurt her, then just go in and arrest the man. Finding it wasn't coming, Yin continued to study the house before smelling a familliar scent that was drifting out of the house. Rubbing her right arm it was the same smell of burning human flesh, but with a mixture of dirt and a metal of some kind.

[Raelyse]

It took almost no time at all for Raelyse to find the man that he was looking for. Now that he had his nose firmly on the scent of his magical signature, it was as easy as finding a lighthouse at midnight. The closer he got, the stronger his desire to reach his destination he became. Not only that, but as he drew nearer, he could almost sense the magical scrolls, all their energy concentrated in one small place. This only drove the Myrusian's excitement, he had thought he would have needed to torture the thief to find the location of the scrolls, but now it turned out that he did not even need to move.

The house was dingy, small and seemingly squashed in between two others of similar characteristics. The door was not anything noteworthy, but Raelyse knew what behind it certainly was. He was about to reach for the door knob, when a voice, slightly familiar rang in his ears. It took him less than a moment to figure out who it was and even shorter to turn around, brandishing brazen features across his face.

“If what you say is true,” he began, his voice serious, devoid of any emotion. “Then, you never again will have the grand pleasure of seeing me again. I have had my fill with you, I have exorcised you from my system, no longer do I see you as the unachievable goal that once perpetrated my thoughts. If you really want to prove that you did not frame me, then clear your name. By doing that, you would have cleared mine and for that, I will not take revenge.”

At that, Raelyse wrapped his fingers firmly around the door knob, each of the digits on his right hand sliding around it gently. Predictably, the door was locked but that proved an obstacle as difficult as jumping over a skipping rope. One moment to channel his magick was all that the Myrusian needed and a second later, the door knob and its lock froze and a moment later, shattered into a million pieces.

“But if you do nothing, if you try to incriminate me in anyway... Your fate will be worse than this thief,” he continued, speaking clearly to Yin even though he did not turn to acknowledge her in anyway. “No prison will hold me and nothing will hold my vengeance.”

A final warning to her was all that he intended to give before he telekinetically pushed the door open, with such force that the door swung open, banging loudly on the wall and getting the attention of the man within in, if he hadn't been alerted before. The thief turned around, shocked at the sudden appearance of the man he thought would be given the death sentence by now. His house was a single room and in shambles, messy but the scrolls were there. Scattered all around, there must have been hundreds in here.

The thief tried to escape, scampering like a rat towards the rear exit of his house. He reached for that doorknob, but found that his hand no longer moved. He pushed further, trying but nothing within him moved or even stirred. All he felt was an overwhelming feeling of cold, a pervading feeling akin to being buried alive naked in ten feet of ice. His eyes turned, just in time to see the intimidating figure of Raelyse approach him, standing above him. His right hand was extended, his palm open and visibly pulsing with magic.

“It's horrible, isn't it? The fluid within your veins turning to ice can't be terribly pleasant, I imagine,” the Myrusian taunted, walking around the man who had framed him like a predator around his prey. He continued for a few rounds before stopping when he was standing directly in front of the man who stood statuesque, literally frozen. His right palm crept forward, before finally resting on the part of his chest where his heart was. “Your heart is the only thing that is keeping you going, trying in vain to try and warm up your body. But... if I do this...”

Raelyse felt the heart pump and beat, then targeted it with the invisible hand of his telekinesis. Then, he crushed it squeezing the life out of it with every ounce of his magical strength. The thief's eyes shot open widely, before slowly fading downwards as the last echelons of life within him broke down.

“Then you have no savior. For what you did, you have no savior.”

The Myrusian looked upon the man, standing still, unable to fall because all the blood within his body had been frozen. He chuckled softly to himself before wandering around the room, searching for the scroll that he had wanted all along. It did not take him long to find it, tucked into a hole in the thief's chair. Like all the other magical scrolls, it had been thrown in a random assortment.

A quick read was all that he needed to comprehend how to use it. He said the necessary incantation and beamed with achievement as the teleportation scroll started to take its effects. His body felt strange for a moment, then his body vanished into thin air, magic carrying his body from this location to the one he wanted to go to.

Raelyse never again wanted to return.

[oren]

“I did clear my own name and yours just so you’d trust me again, but I doubt you will.” Yin said watching him disappear and another thought popped into her head. ‘Nice to know I was only being used.’

Figuring he didn’t hear her she went about her business again forgetting all about the events of the day. She dealt with rolling up the scrolls taking off her cloak placing them neatly beside each other. Finding the missing idols around the room she picked them up and carefully rolled them into the folds of her cloak so they wouldn’t break during transportation.

Yin pressed her lips together looking the body of the conman that Raelyse killed. She made sure that there was nothing left of his soul in the house either. She didn’t want anyone living in that house if there was still the spirit of the man still there. Finding and sensing nothing she picked up the bundled up cloak and walked out and towards the court house with the scrolls and idols.

Telling them about the body of the conman the judge ordered that the body was collected and burned, as they did with most criminal’s bodies. He then kindly asked Yin to return the scrolls to the library, and she did as he asked.

The librarians were overjoyed to have everything that was stolen from the library returned to them and in good condition to boot. She smiled for once that day and nodded to the head librarian who wouldn’t let go of her hand from his handshake.

“Thank you so much!” he said happily, “But what about your friend? The judge notified me that there was another.”

Yin thought about it and shook her head, “Not my friend,” she said “Just someone who showed up in time to help me, he’s left already.”

A little disappointed that they couldn’t thank Raelyse as well, they let Yin go.

The dark haired woman walked out of the library deciding to leave Ettermire. She really had no intention of staying for long. She got most of her research done, and has become a fair bit bitter thanks to the gentleman she’d met.

Taking a breath and skipping the bottom step she began her trek out of the city in the direction of Salvar.

-Fin-


Spoils
“Recovering the items and killing the conman: 600 gold and allowance to borrow whatever scrolls you like from Ankhas. (Provided you return them in a timely manner, undamaged, and take only a few at a time.)”

[Logan]

Oren/Raelyse
STORY


Continuity (8/10/8/10) ~ While the thread fits in with both overall storylines, it just didn’t make a whole lot of sense. A feeling of near randomness to the events left a big gaping hole here, and such you were both docked.

Setting (8/10/8/10) ~ The setting made sense on the whole. It could’ve been more utilized, but overall it was fine. No real pluses or minuses here.

Pacing (3/10/3/10) ~ Herky jerky pacing killed you here. The intro seemed reasonable and then, bam, next thing you know they are making love. Ok, by the time you get comfortable with that happening, the knock at the door and bam, arrested for theft. I guess things just seemed so choppy and that really killed the pacing.


CHARACTER



Dialogue (8/10/7/10) ~ Reasonable dialogue at times, and at other times I was just scratching my head in regards to it. I would’ve liked more dialogue leading up their love making, but overall it was fine.


Action (7/10/8/10) ~ The teleportation scroll thing was genius, but overall I wanted better mix between the dialogue and action, and as such you got docked here for it.


Persona (7/10/7.5/10) ~ I was actually impressed with Raelyse’s sticking with his character’s personality and use of various things to that effect. Yin’s initial reaction to Realyse’s seemed forced, and I could definitely feel it didn’t totally fit with her overall person. Overall, it was decent.

WRITING STYLE


Mechanics ((7/10/7/10)) ~ You both did decent here, because nothing really stood out. However, there were some errors that just could’ve been avoided for the future. Especially toward the end where you could tell you both just kinda gave up on the thread.


Technique ((7/10/6/10)) ~ I expect more from you, Raelyse, especially in this category. The blandness and lack of this REALLY hurt the readability of the thread. On the same note, Oren at least used a small amount of it, and as such I gave her an extra point.

Clarity ((5/10/5/10)) ~ Go back and look at my comments on Pacing. They apply here for both of you, too. You’re going along, then get jerked one way. Then you finally get ok with that and bam, you are jumped somewhere else. Ease the transition and increase the readability.

Wild Card (4/10/4/10) ~ Consider both of you warned. The next time you do a thread, try and conclude it in the same manner you start it, with quality effort. I know threads can get weary, especially toward the end, but it needs to conclude well to keep up the quality work you put in when you start. I expected more from both of you and am sorely disappointed with the overall result. It wasn’t horrific, I have certainly judged far worse, but I come to expect high levels from both of you, and I just never got it. Consider me DISPLEASED!


Total Scores:
Oren’s Total: 64
Raelyse’s Total: 63.5

Oren gains 935 Exp and 75 Gold.
Raelyse gains 2680 Exp and 50 Gold.

Spoils:
Oren recovers the items and gains the 100 gold(on top of the 75 for the thread). Oren also gains access to Ankhas, provided she only carries 2 at a time on her person and keeps them for no longer than a month at a time.
Raelyse for his assistance receives 700 gold(on top of the 50 for the thread). He also gains a pair of steel handcuffs with Yin’s initials etched in them.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!