Shenjara's First Encounter

[hamnat]

She walked along the forest path, humming some strange, ancient, archaic tune. She found it soothing, it focused her, cleared her mind....

Slowly, tranquilly, she let the words, the arcane chant; escape her lips,
"Grashgo nmertocit yovginghen tolreschmen.
Alrichi freote malenon creschto twroyubinem, ænpromnot.
Ñoriç,
Alrichi ñoriç.
Bremnoytricgo sghartenma agrichetikre, alshugri nicremonti
Necroño antimathius."

Her head pricked up as her attuned elvan senses detected movement nearby. It seemed to be waiting for something.

Her elvan instincts and her survival training kicked in and told her that she was in an ambush. Luckily, her training had prepared her, and she carefully let her attacker think that he/she/it had the upper hand.

Quietly, she whispered the incantation which, when the trigger word was spoken, would evoke Torch.

"Bremnoytricgo nmertocit ailutishca reckña.
Shmeriche amni trescquio....." She omitted the last part to keep her spell from going off at the wrong time. Besides, if they weren't going to attack her, well, she was a pacifist.

She tried to focus on the encroaching...thing... in an attempt to find out what her attacker was, and how best to go around taking it down. Hopefully it would be a forest wolf, they were very prone to combustion, and Torch was indeed good at doing just that.

[hamnat]

After listening to the creature's movements, she decided it was a giant forest spider, which wasn't quite the next best thing.

Oh great. An icky, disgusting spider. And a giant one at that. Well at least it can burn a little. I guess I had better kill it before it "surprises" me.

"MAISHCE" Shenjara said, completing the incantation, her hand becoming a fiery globe at the end of its long green sleeve. She focused on the spider as she hurled it, guiding it along its path towards the startled arachnid.

Whuaaaah

Shenjara heard the small explosion as the burning sphere made contact, catching the hairy, eight-legged predator alight. She could hear its mandibles clacking together from the horrendous pain it must now be experiencing. She remembered a time when she had set her hair to flame, and she was surprised that it still held, if not more, the same splendor it had before. I guess I must have the favor of V'dralla. I doubt it though.

The spider, still singeing, began to charge towards its prey, confounded as to how it could have possibly discovered its presence, and angered by the horrible agony it was suffering from the scorching hair surrounding its body. It screeched as it skittered through the undergrowth, managing not to cause a forest fire as it came ever nearer to its little half-elvan meal...

[hamnat]

Shenjara began to chant a spell,
"Ekmartre amina
Fraio tukrestia memt
Aijina mutarol crerina
Wecrestcho unmaemt"

Her staff began to glow a dim red color as the skittering web runner moved ever closer, and she prepared for an attack. The spider jumped high, an act that, if successful, would pin Shenjara down and leave her helpless to defend herself. She had, however, learned of this technique of hunting and knew that there was no way to dodge it, but there was a way to counter it.

She bent low, bracing herself for the oncoming death-dealing blow that the spider would utilize. It was at the last moment, with the spider right on top of her, that she stuck the end of her staff up.....

The spider screamed in any way that it could, for the staff had erupted in flames as the two made contact. It ricocheted off the staff and down the path, its entire body in epileptic fashion, spasming uncontrollably from the pain. Shenjara felt pity for the forest predator and decided to end it as quickly as she knew how....

Shenjara continued down the path, after having ended the creature's agony and prayed for its soul. She cleaned any entrails from the corpse on the undergrowth near to the path. She felt slightly tired from the attack, enchanting always does that. She walked alone, she preferred it that way....

[streak101]

Banda climbed through the forest, from tree to tree, he didn't really care where they went, he just felt like being in the woods, especially these. The trees formed a roof over his head, and small insertions of light poked through the ceiling. The tree's were tall and the forest was dense the only thing visible in the forest was anything on the path or at least 3 feet away from it.

Hopping to each tree like a frog, Banda gave himself a pat on the back figuratively speaking, if he were too do that literately he would have lost his balance and fall from an astounding height. The cries of the birds flowed gently through the air, the forest was very peaceful. Or at least for now it was.

Banda's attention was caught by a stranger traveling down the road. Let's see old studies say it's half-elf, and by the looks of it she hasn't noticed me of yet. Alright I'll follow her until I reach the end of the forest, then I'll turn back and head to town. As the young half-elf walked the forest path Banda followed he did not have anything to do and he did to practice his escorting routine, and the half-elf made a perfect escortee.

As she continued down the forest path, she had stopped. Has she heard something? Sure enough the half-elf came across a forest spider. Banda drew his boomerang, but saw that this maiden was a spell user as well. She had started speaking in the magic language, some could recognize, uttering the final word, a ball of orange light, blasted the spider, it wriggled, and squirmed as it bursted with flames.

Charred, scarred, or ablaze, the predator of the forest continued it's assault coming after the half-elf if not slower out of pain, and fear of another ball of fire. This is my cue! thought Banda reaching for his boomerang, just as the spider sprang forth with it's attack, and Banda had pulled his arm back to throw the boomerang, a small light came from the staff, and the predator, became prey for the scavengers.

The half-elf continued to walk down the path, and Banda followed. He would not reveal himself this time for anything, for now he was someone looking down on the half-elf from above so to speak.

[hamnat]

As she killed off the spider, her elvan senses detected another very faint presence moving through the trees. Strange, if this spider had a companion, it would have been skittering along the floor, it must be a human of some kind, but I’ve never heard of such agility being possible in humans. Yes, very strange indeed...

"Bremnoytricgo nmertocit ailutishca reckña.
Shmeriche amni trescquio....." she whispered again, in preparation for another attack. She was beginning to wonder if there was an army out there, somehow avoiding her attuned senses. If so, she only had enough strength to cast Torch twice more, after that, her recently enflamed staff would have to continue its work. She wouldn't last long.

She quickened her pace, gradually speeding up in order to get out of the situation, if possible, without alarming the pursuer or pursuers. She was really scared now. Survival training had prepared her for a lot, but not encroachment by an army! Why does this kind of stuff happen to me? What did I do to these people? She found herself wanting again to char everything in range of the naked eye. Her power was like that of a phoenix. And the phoenix in her was overpowering her natural self. With these predatorious pursuers and the fear of them empowering her subconscious destructive wishes, it was a two-sided battle she knew she couldn't win, and possibly wouldn't survive...

She relaxed as she realized that she was letting her paranoia get to her again. There were only five things out there. The path, the trees, the charring spider corpse, herself, and this new, very agile human. She relaxed and spoke out to the forest, "I know you are there, human. Show yourself before you suffer the same fate as my little...friend....back there."

She kept that last word stuck in her mind, holding it back from her lips. She was already tired as it was, no point in finishing the spell if it would just waste energy. But these forest-goers were really getting on her nerves, and it was taking all of her will to keep it from slipping out.

[streak101]

He continued to watch her, he was starting to like the idea of being the guardian of the forest travelers. She continued down the path and stopped, she had sensed Banda. How could I forget her elven blood powers? Maybe I should've stayed a couple more trees away... Her head tirned ever so slightly, Banda needed to squint to notice the movement.

She had begun to speak in the magic tongue this time, without knowing, she was aiming for a friendly target. Banda couldn't blame her for charging her spell, in these dense woods, anything would jump you to survive, whther it be beasts for meat, or bandits for money. She had stopped speaking though. Did she change her mind? Banda could not say.

She then ran through the path, trying to lose Banda. Without speaking Banda continued to pursue, landing on any stable branch he could find, and grabbing every other branch too big for him. After spending countless hours before encountering the half-elf, Banda could move through the trees rather swiftly. She had stopped abruptedly, and Banda barely passed her. "I know you are there, human. Show yourself before you suffer the same fate as my little...friend....back there."

Banda made an evil smile, something he did not usually do, "I will not show myself to you half-elf, I'm having to much fun, and no worries I mean no harm to you. I am simply a man in the trees and I feel like protecting the passerby today. Besides, would you really attack me? I've seen your magic, and I can get out of this forest much faster than you can. I'm also in a tree, and your spell conducts fire. Now fire and trees do not mix very well and i'm sure the local folk would not like their source of lumber to be burnt down. Now rethink this: would you really attack me? I wouldn't."

[hamnat]

She grinned. This human had an elvan gift for witty-ness as well as agility. She liked witty.
"Take care that you don’t overestimate yourself. A blast of my little Torch here would be enough to knock you out of those tree limbs. And at that height, I don't think that running would get you very far. That and the fact that my half-elvan nature gives my a little head start, if you'll pardon the pun. Besides, I’ve been getting overwhelming urges to scorch this forest to the ground anyways."

She winced and realized that she may offend him instead of intimidating him. She could sense his relaxed state, indicating that he was either friendly, very confident that he could finish her easily, or very stupid about combat. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, “However, I trust you are not hostile. I will ask again, differently. Would you be so kind as to join me? I really would enjoy hosting a companion as witty as you," she said, giggling with her last few words.

"I am going to rest a while and gather some things. So if you do wish to join me, you have some time to make up your mind." She smiled. She had just noticed that there was an oak tree and paired willow trees on the side of the path. Right next to a little pool of water....

[streak101]

"Take care that you dont overestimate yourself. A blast of my little Torch here would be enough to knock you out of those tree limbs. And at that height, I don't think that running would get you very far. That and the fact that my half-elvan nature gives my a little headstart, if you'll pardon the pun. Besides, i've been getting overwhelming urges to scorch this forest to the ground anyways." the half-elf had stated. Hah! Well what do you know! She's got spunk! Ah well, I guess I should stop the act, playing the evil hissing bad guy, doesn't suit my conscience anyways.

Listening more intently after discarding the harsh tone, she had invited Banda to travel with her through the forest, I'll go missy, but just until the forest ends, then I'm going back the other to the end of this jungle, and get the hell out of here! He travelled down the trunk grabbing hold of branches to stop his fall along the way. "Wow! These tree's are taller than I thought!"

Strange part is, she giggled. Why would she giggle? Ah well, Banda you'll never know what goes on inside a woman's head. Still even I'm not that stupid, I still need to be cautious with her. "So much for being guardian from above." He said as he walked over to her. "Still I'm sure this will be fun too."

"The name's Banda Utako, mercenary extraordinary!" Banda bowed, and smiled cheerfully, he noticed that it was a perfect time to meet a new friend, A very powerful friend! "Hope we can get along miss er...what do I call you?"

[hamnat]

He's kind of cute she thought when she saw him. But focus, Shenjara, focus

"The name's Banda Utako, mercenary extraordinary!" He said. “Hope we can get along miss er...what do I call you?"

"My name is Shenjara. Shenjara Flamespire. But feel free to call me Shen. Most people do." She said as she began collecting willow leaves. She felt like making a potion. "So, Banda right? Where do you come from?" She finished collecting the leaves and crushed them up. Then she took her skinning knife out and walked over to the oak tree with which she started to strip off pieces of bark....

As she gathered the bark, she began to think to herself, wait a minute. Many humans despise half-breeds like me. Why is he so friendly? Very strange indeed. I shall have to keep my eyes on this agile human.
"So, how did you know that I am part elvish? It isn't like my ears are on display. It doesn't give to reason that a human would be so observant, or agile for that matter. Hmmm, maybe you are part elvish yourself?" She said this with a confused look on her face. Even for her flexible mind, this was a puzzle. With this puzzle came thoughts of her mother. The memory of that horrible night began to fill her thoughts.

*crackling flames in the background*(man's voice) Shen! Shen, please! Snap out of it! Shen! Shhhennnn!!! *falling wood and breaking glass* urk! (woman's voice) Somebody please help! No! Joran! Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

"Joran......" Shenjara whispered as a stray tear escaped her now quivering eye lids. "Joran.....why?"

[streak101]

The girl introduced herself as Shenjara, Strange name, yet rings a bell from somewhere I don't know... Shen for short, she had been collecting leaves and bark, which Banda thought weird, Just what is she going to do? Banda put this out of his mind when Shen asked him a question, "So, how did you know that I am part elvish? It isn't like my ears are on display. It doesn't give to reason that a human would be so observant, or agile for that matter. Hmmm, maybe you are part elvish yourself?"

Now that's a good question! "Well Shen, being a mercenary you encounter lots of people and animals alike. Now it's pretty common for me to come across a half elf, now and then." He walked absent-minded in a circle, this was a habit from Banda's youth. "Besides I've seen elves before, and your skin isn't as pale as theirs." There were other characteristics, but Banda didn't mention these, I got a feeling I'll get my ass handed to me if I mention them.

He kept talking trying to prove something, but stopped when he noticed tears running down Shenjara's cheek, she whispered something under her breath, "Hey why are you crying?" He asked to suddenly start crying was out of the ordinary. It's either trauma, or something I said...I hope it's not what I said, that spell of hers would torch me, ha! Wordplay is fun.

[hamnat]

As the tears trickled down her "not-as-pale" cheeks, he inquired, "Hey, why are you crying?"

His words startled her, and she swung around with a fright-laden gasp. "Oh! I forgot you were there! Silly, absent-minded me!" Her face glowed pink from embarrassment.

He asked her again, "Shen, why are you crying?" with a look that suggested he was afraid he had said something.

Oh dear, i may have just done it...I probably shouldn't tell him too much, but I shouldn't lie, either "Oh, nothing, just....just something from the past. A......a very horrible memory..... I lost someone dear to me....."She said as her thoughts turned back toward the event.

*flames and a woman sobbing*"Somebody, please help!*more sobbing* Joran! Joran! Please, Joran, come back!*wood creaking*Oh, no!*wooden structure collapses*Nooooo!*loud sobbing* Waaaaaa! Joran! Why?"*flames continue*

"I'd....... really rather not talk about it...." Her face was now streaming with tears, her voice, cracked, and her eyes were now taking a pink hue.

[streak101]

Though worried, Banda did not ask any further questions, To each his own I guess. He left Shen to check her tears, the girl's face was a rose color, and tears were running down her face faster than the running water of a river. Talk about major waterworks... Banda walked in a circle waiting patiently as he counted the birds as they flew by, a little game to past time taught to him by his friend Zerith.

Suddenly, Banda heard footsteps, spending several hours in the forest he knew who those footsteps belonged to. "Damn bandits! They should have gotten lost in these woods ages ago!" He muttered under his breath. Grabbing his boomerang, he hoisted it in the air, "All right you little thieving, hit and run, pests! Come out and face a man one on however many there are of you!"

A whistle was blown, and six bandits, dressed in ragged clothing, masks covering their faces up to the eyes, and one giant of a man, wielding a greataxe. Sheesh, I didn't mean ALL of you! Banda cleared his face of expression, and called out to Shen, "Get ready Shen! Show me how you deal against these kind of fools!" Banda put away the boomerang, I'll be damned if I forget to pull it out of a body!

[hamnat]

She had been to busy trying to stem the flow of tears to notice the 6 well-armed bandits sneaking up on them. The scum angered her greatly, for arrogance was one of her pet-peeves. Alright, Shen, now's the time to get your self together....turn the sorrow into rage.....and teach these bandits what happens when they try to mug an emotional Firedevil and her friend Luckily, she had retained that last spell in her mind and evoked the fireball.

"MAISHCE!" she said, as the ball of brilliant, red flames appeared in her hand, causing the air to heat up from the rageful energy she was channeling into it. "Now is NOT THE TIME TO MESS WITH ME!" she yelled, her voice, ethereal and her eyes seeming to glow a faint red, as she hurled the little Torch, catapulting it towards the attackers......who happened to be grouped together........



Firedevil is her nickname

[streak101]

"MAISHCE!" Shen had shouted. Banda only had time to yelp, "Gah!" and shield his eyes before the half elf's spell caused a gigantic ball of fire to form in her hand. She's angry, that's not a good sign. Banda, an expression of nervousness on his face, stammered to calm Shenjara down, "Uh...uh...Shen I fon't think thats a good-" too late.
With a shout, Shenjara flung the ball of fire into the bandits all huddled at the surprising turn of the tables.

Unfortunately for Banda, he was dangerously close to the bandits, so to protect himself threw all his weight to his stomach, and threw himself to the ground. It was at that moment that the fireball made contact with the gigantic man, striking into his chest Talk about heartburn. The blast brought forth a brilliant light that shimmered with what Banda thought as exaggeration.

When he could see, Banda found his arms covered in soot, and his clothes were smothered with dirt, soot, and grime from who knows where. Well, my bones are all still here, but wheres Shenjara? He fell on his back again when he saw what might have been the worst case scenario of his day. The forest was on fire. Coughing, he called for the magician he had blown the bandits away. "Oh Shen! Where'd you go!?"

[hamnat]

Shenjara was lying in a heap several yards away. The blast had released a tremendous amount of energy, her rage turning a little Torch into a large firebomb. The blast had made contact with her only a few seconds after setting several of the bandits ablaze, knocking her back and depositing her, hard, on a small pile of granite. As she flew through the air, she remembered back to the last time she had lost control of her emotions.

*man's voice*"Hey....Shen. Um, it just that.....well, I...I-I."*sigh**woman's voice*"What is it, Joran? "Toulescha*girl is engulfed in the fiery sphere*"Come on, you know you can tell me anything."*man's voice again*"Shen....will...will you marry me?"*everything feels hot now**sniffles can be heard*"Joran...."*more silence, the room getting still hotter*"Joran, I...."*girl leaps at Joran, kissing him deeply*"*the room is scalding hot now and still heating up, the globe of fire beginning to throb*"Yes, Joran, I will marry you."*explosion*.......

As she laid there, drifting in and out of consciousness, she noticed she had set the forest alight. Banda....run..............

[streak101]

Banda was in the midst of a forest burning, he could die any minute and here he was looking for some stranger he was guarding from one end to the other. Why? He kept asking himself that, It's because you don't like to fail things. Said the other side of his brain. "Right, as if I ever failed at anything...wait." Banda looked around, there was something watching him, somewhere in this forest there was something or someone that was stalking him in these forests.

"No time for that! I need to find Shen!" He headed in the direction of where the spell came from if Shen did cast it, then she would be a few yards away from her initial spot. Hacking, and crawling, Banda found himself entering an area where the smoke was trapped in an invisible bubble, it did not rise. "Shen! Shen! Come on!" Banda stood up disdainfully and found Shen lying on a rock unconscious or not, she was in trouble.

"I'm coming!" Jumping over a fallen tree, he scooped Shen up in her arms and ran towards the end of the forest, if he could get her there his job would be done. Ducking, and weaving from falling tree limbs, he sped through the forest. He was stopped short by a bandit, and what had been watching him in the forest. Before him, stood a group of heavily armed bandits, each wearing identical clothing.

"Well, well, if it ain't the foolish girl who set our territory on fire." Banda gritted his teeth, they wanted Shen. "Here's the deal pal. You give us the chick, and you go free. Refuse and we chop you up into bits!" If I give them Shen I live, if I don't then I'll die and in both situations I'll fail my goal...Well better safe than sorry I suppose Banda walked through the bandit group turned to them and with a thought said, "Nah." Banda kicked up the ash, dirt, and sand on the ground and ran.

I've gone crazy haven't I? he thought. Only a fool would do that! I guess I am that fool! Run fool run! Banda summoned up his strength and sprinted through he saw the end of the forest, and he had finally reached it.

Gasping for fresh air, he laid Shen down on the ground, he pulled out a sheet of paper, and wrote:

Dear Shen,
I did what I said I would do, I gave you some company through the woods, I got you to the other end, and you never did get scratched, bruised maybe but not scratched. Anyway, anytime you feel you need company write to me, the messengers know where I am.
I had fun,
Banda Utako


Spoils:None

[hamnat]

Shenjara saw a man in his twenties approaching her. He was tall, sinewy, and draped in an ice-blue robe with pearl-white trimming. He had brown hair that fell like the falls down past his shoulders. As he stepped closer, he spoke out in an ethereal voice.

"Hello there, Shenjara Flamespire," the man said to her.

Shenjara replied with a grin, "Well met, Joran Frostweave." They looked each other in the eyes. A whimper came from Shenjara's lips as a lone tear streaked down her pale skin, leaving a glistening trail upon her cheek. She rushed towards him and collapsed, holding him as close and as tight as she could.

"Oh, Joran! I'm so sorry!" she said, weeping as she spoke, the tears now flowing like a mountain stream. "I never meant for this to happen! I'm sorry! I'm sor-"

"Whoa! Calm down, Shen. I've been sent to help you." Joran interrupted.

"T-to help me? What do you mean?" she said, looking bewildered.

Joran replied, "In your dreams, I will help you to find out why your power is so potent. With my help, we will discover the source of your unwieldy power. And hopefully, that will help you to control it."

It was at this moment, everything burst into flame. They had taken a step into a world of naught but fire. "J-J-Joran, w-what is g-going on?" she said, terrified but at the same time, she had a strange feeling......as though she belonged here. Calming down, she continued, "Joran, why have you brought me here?"

"I have obvious reasons to believe that your power comes mainly from here. If you'll notice, the flames seem to be flowing towards you."

Shenjara looked around herself. What Joran said was true. The flames seemed to be collecting at a point below her feet, as though a black hole had opened, pulling everything into itself. She felt more alive than ever, as though the flames were her lifeblood, and nothing could ever harm her. After all, how does one hurt a fire? "Joran.....I....I feel so....strong. This power coursing through me....it is amazing!"

Joran smiled. "It is as I thought. The reason you are so potent with the Undying Flames is because you have the rare gift of magic: a direct link to the elemental planes. This, you will soon discover, is true. While your most powerful link is to the Flames of Old, you are also linked to the Water, Air, Earth and ethereal planes. Those planes will become known to you as you grow in mind, spirit, body, and heart, respectively."

Shenjara was astounded by the ability she somehow had obtained. "You may not know what this means to me. But it is definitely a lot. I was torn asunder inside when you died.....it left a scar that never healed. I gave up hope after I endangered the life of yet another friend, who may now be dead like you. I can only hope he survived. I felt like I was too dangerous to everyone to live near anyone. I was about to.......about to Torch myself. But that has all changed. I thank you. You are about to help me recover from a fate worse than death. Joran.....I still love you."

"I love you as well, my little Firedevil. I must go now, accept the gift I give to you. It will help you in your travels, and may very well lessen the danger you currently cause to others."

Shenjara suddenly felt cold. As though her insides had turned into a solid block of ice. She heard him speak as she opened her eyes, noting that the flames had disappeared, making way for a frozen abyss. "This is the power I would wield if I were by your side. Now I shall be using it through you. Good luck, my love, and be safe." He slowly disappeared as he said this. Shenjara was all alone now......

[hamnat]

Shenjara awoke to a soft bed. As she opened her eyes and sat up, she saw a cozy little room, cottage in manner, with a fire going, a table with a small piece of paper and a small blue trinket, and a somewhat comely woman sitting nearby. The woman looked up and gasped, "Thank heavens, you’re awake."

Shenjara rather hoarsely replied, "Where am I? And where is,” she paused as she remembered. Now is NOT THE TIME TO MESS WITH ME! A horrified look crossed her face as she said, "Oh no! Banda!"

The woman rushed over to her and placed her hands on Shenjara's shoulders. "Easy there, lie back down." Shenjara obeyed complacently, whimpering as she leaned back. The woman continued, "My name is Riuweania Sheral. You are in my home which resides not to far from the forest. I found you at Forest's Edge, knocked out and in bad shape. Your back look like someone had thought you were a twig."

"But..."

The woman stopped her shushing her. "Just listen. You haven't recovered, as you still have a few burns left to tend to. It arouses my curiosity, because there was an enormous fire some ways into the forest. Were you caught in that?"

Shenjara's face flooded with guilt as she said, "I wasn't just in it.....I caused it. And quite possibly killed a new friend...." Her eyes watering slightly.

The woman walked over to the table and picked up the paper and trinket. Bringing the paper to her face, she said, "If it was his name you mentioned earlier, then I do believe you need not worry. He left two things." She crossed the room again, bringing the two items to Shenjara and offering them. Shenjara took the trinket, which she now saw to be threaded with string.

Shenjara chuckled, "Looks like Joran left me a souvenir." She pulled her head up and slipped it on, an ice-blue circle to be worn as an amulet.

Bewildered as to who she was talking to, the woman extended the paper. "You might want to read this too."

Shenjara took the note and slowly opened it. As she read it, she relaxed, the anxiety releasing its hold on her.

Dear Shen,
I did what I said I would do, I gave you some company through the woods, I got you to the other end, and you never did get scratched, bruised maybe but not scratched. Anyway, anytime you feel you need company write to me, the messengers know where I am.
I had fun,
Banda Utako


"He is safe then. That is wonderful. The circumstances suggest that he saved my life. After all the danger I put him in, I even threatened him when we met." She shook her head. "I believe I may have found a new friend."









Spoils: Banda's Note, Amulet of Frost, assortment of delayed-acquirement skills, Dreamweave

Banda's note-nothing more than a keepsake. A reminder to repay he who saved her life. Shenjara may use this item as a reference material.

Amulet of Frost-A character development device. The amulet strengthens her link to the Elemental Plane of Water, a frozen waste from which magical energies of water and ice originate. This gives her new frost spells when she levels up (only needed next level)

Skills:

Flame energy

Blast-The spell will cause a small, instant explosion upon completion. The explosion deals fire damage to all within the blast radius, but the range at which it is effective is limited to almost close-quarters. May be used once before resting. Must acquire level 1 to obtain this spell.

Water Energy

Chill-Shenjara can lower the surrounding temperature for a matter of a few seconds, but dealing damage to those not clothed for the cold. This spell does cannot discern friend from foe, and will harm anyone within its effective area, including Shenjara! This is the only spell that the Amulet of Frost gives to her now, and may be used once before resting.

Frost- A sphere of freezing energy appears in the conjurer's palm and, much like Torch, can be used as a guided projectile. The ball may impact with enough force to stun the one hit for a few seconds, knocking them to the ground. Maybe be used twice before resting. Must acquire level 1 to obtain this spell.

Cooling-This spell will cause an item to become extremely cold, having all the effects that touching cold item would yield. This also works to cool off really hot items to normal temperature to allow a person access to touch the item without harm. In the case of temporarily heated items, the heat effect and Cooling will cancel each other out. However, naturally hot items will only be effected for about a minute. Normal items that are Cooled will have the chill effect for about two minutes. Can be used twice before resting. Must acquire level 1 to obtain this spell.

Ethereal energy

Lifepool (passive ability)-Shenjara can cast spells without spirit energy (which is required to actively channel elemental or ethereal energies) but at a great cost to her physical wellbeing. Depending on the spell's power, the damage may be a few scratches tearing into her skin to the snapping of a bone and even as far as death itself. This ability is very dangerous if not taken advantage of sparingly. Must acquire level 1 to obtain this skill.

Dreamweave (passive)-Links a soul or person to another soul or person, allowing telepathic communications via dreams. A person unable to dream will not be applicable for this ability and moving the link requires several hours of concentration followed by a day's rest. This ability is subject to all the freedoms and restraints (with the exception of communication) applied to dreams. This certain ability is permanently locked between Shenjara and the character named Joran.

[Letho]

GENERAL NOTES: Regardless of the final score, on the poll above I certainly wouldn’t choose “horrible”. It was a good effort that, though rather rough around the edges, presented both of you as promising writers with room for improvement. Hopefully the judgment will help you do just that and you two will pay more attention to the comments then the score behind it. Score is, after all, just a number. :)


CONTINUITY – 2

I found this segment of your story pretty weak. Neither of you provided a plausible reason why were you in the forest, where are you going. Banda was basically wandering and spying the road in search for somebody to protect while Shenjara was traveling to... somewhere. Always try to provide a good explanation why the characters found themselves in the situations that you want to write about, even if it’s just a random encounter with strangers and archetype goons. Example: Shenjara was traveling through the forest because she needed to reach a village on the other side where the rumors say there’s a famous elemental mage. This gives you a reason for traveling and even if you never get to the village and the rumor turns out to be just hearsay, you have a backstory instead of a blank page. Same for Banda. You’re a do-gooder and you want to help, but people in Scara Brae were suspicious about your benevolence so you decided to just try to aid some travelers along the path. Those are just two (rather cliché) examples that could help in completion of your stories.

SETTING – 3

You established early on that you were in a forest, but I didn’t exactly get a feeling for it. You don’t have to write an essay about the green trees and chirping birds, but I would’ve liked more specific details about the setting. Instead of saying that you ran into a clearing with a pool and a log, try to breathe some life into it. Maybe the pool is crystal clear or covered with greenish sludge or there are lotuses growing on its surface or the sun’s reflection shimmers on its tranquil surface. Maybe there’s a stag and a doe by the road, scampering away at the sound of your footsteps. I’m not saying you should overburden your writing with descriptions, but try to show the environment as more then just a two-dimensional image with little or no details.

PACING – 4

It’s a bit hard to score this part of rubric. Did the thread have a fast moving pace that kept me somewhat interested? Yes. Action-packed stories always do that. But whether or not it managed to achieve what you intended in the first place is another story mostly because the only goal of this quest seemed to be just bumping into someone in the forest and getting into trouble. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; not every quest has to be an epic story. But there was very little development of the story because of the fast pace. Jumping from one battle to another might be fun, but it leaves you no space for building up the tension. Maybe if Banda and Shen sat together and talked for a bit longer, they would get to know each other, he would try to comfort her with words, she would share a bit of her history, and once the bond is established, the battle with the brigands would hold much more tension.

DIALOGUE – 4

There wasn’t much of it, but generally it felt believable. There was nothing exceptional about it and there are several flaws that I noticed. For one, from what I gathered from Shen’s profile, she’s supposed to be a rather shy girl, and yet she seemed rather talkative once Banda descended from the trees. Banda, on the other hand, did a rather average job, but there was nothing noteworthy that would elevate the dialogue to the level that I would recognize it as unique. One thing for both of you; don’t repeat what the other character said in your posts. Make a reference to it in the narration and respond to it accordingly, but don’t write down what I read once already.

ACTION – 5

I think this was your best category in the entire quest. The actions of your characters seemed to be in sync with their characters most of the time. I first found it rather weird that Shen acted the way she did (losing train of thought, making a potion in the middle of the forest even though she didn’t need it), but then I remembered that she suffered from OCD and ADD which justified her actions. Same for her sudden display of anger. I would’ve expected her to be a bit more defensive with Banda though since he was a stranger that stalked on her. Likewise, Banda’s desire to help even though he didn’t know Shen seemed on the money. However, the fact that he could leap from one tree to the other like an acrobat and that Shen’s Torch spell seemed a bit overpowered (igniting the forest in an instant) borderlined with powergaming. Also, another thing that just baffled me. Banda helps her out of the flames and leaves her unconscious in the wilderness?! What kind of a do-gooder is he? She could’ve been torn apart by wild beasts. That didn’t seem like something a good guy would generally do.

PERSONA – 3

Save for Shen’s sudden dream/flashback, I got precious little insight in your characters and their inner state and emotions. And there was plenty of opportunity to display emotions in this story, despite its shortness. Shen was attacked by a huge spider while walking alone in the forest? Was she surprised, startled, afraid, insecure, did she consider running, did she have doubts about her abilities? Same when they were attacked by the attackers. Six against two is a situation that would worry even some of the more skilled characters. When Shen and Banda talked, I would’ve liked to see some elaboration on first impressions that both had. When you meet somebody, you instantly make several conclusions and have a number of thoughts, trying to depict the character of the person. Try to describe that in your writing, try to think what you would be thinking and feeling in similar situations.

MECHANICS – 4

You both have a rather good grasp at the basics of writing. However, I think that both of you get sloppy from time to time, failing to proofread what you wrote. That’s why words like “abruptedly” are written instead of “abruptly”, “predatorious” instead of “predatory” as well as an occasional failure to capitalize or just pressing a wrong key on the keyboard (“d” instead of “f”, both right next to one another). This can be fixed by merely taking your time and rereading what you wrote. Also, watch for tense shifts and run-on sentences. They aren’t abound, but there is enough to disrupt the flow of writing. Examples of both:
She felt slightly tired from the attack, enchanting always does that. This should be:
She felt slightly tired from the attack; enchanting always did that.

She had started speaking in the magic language, some could recognize, uttering the final word, a ball of orange light, blasted the spider, it wriggled, and squirmed as it bursted with flames. which should probably be:
She had started speaking in the magic language some could recognize and after uttering the final word, a ball of orange light blasted the spider. It wriggled and squirmed as it burst into flames.

TECHNIQUE – 2

Both of you have rather similar styles, straightforward and simple. However, I feel both of you should try to broaden it a little bit with different literary devices. I honestly can’t say that I saw a simile or a metaphor or anything that really stood out and depicted something. Try to experiment a bit in your writing. Sometimes the best way to say something isn’t simply to just write it down in fewest words possible. True, this can sometimes backfire at you if you don’t utilize it the right way, but once you get a hang of it, your writing will be alive; it will be more showing and less telling.

CLARITY – 4

This wasn’t bad, but several things hurt it during the course of the quest. The lack of setting and details was one of those things. Brevity is not a flaw, but when it turns into shortness, it leaves the reader with too much vagueness that he has to fill with his own imagination. Another was the constant repeating of the partner’s dialogue. Also, try to make the transitions from one state of mind/emotion to the other a bit more sensible and a little less abrupt.

WILD CARD – 6

This wasn’t a bad quest. The scores might make you feel otherwise, but scores are just numbers and I might be rather harsh when it comes to them. So I’m giving a Wild Card slightly above average for the effort. Keep up the good work.


TOTAL SCORE – 37


Congratulations!!!



SPOILS:

Hamnat receives 330 EXP and 50 GP
Streak101 receives 270 EXP and 100 GP

As for your other spoils, Hamnat, from what I could gather the Dreamweave and the Chill spell are the only one she actually gets, while the others are locked until level 1. I’m fine with that. However, all the spells, including Dreamweave and Chill, could be a subject to change if the Realm of Greetings mod feels that they should be changed. The amulet and the note are also approved.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!