Descient Vs Ayithe ((Closed))

[Descient]

((Ayithe Solete only))

It was highly unusual to accept an invitation such as this, to decide upon a battle for experience and not to feed. Any kill could be challenging, anyone could put up a fight and a struggle to survive against him, shouldn’t that be excitement enough? Still, why the sudden urge to actually take up her challenge? When the everyday warrior could be walking down the path and into his arms for lunchtime. Lunchtime? Something Descient had got sloppy with, he had gotten lazy with time, four thousand years can really take the excitement out of those everyday kills, he wanted more, more flesh, more meat, more…more challenges. The thought of gracefully leaping from the tree branches, and releasing his piercing claws as he drops onto an unsuspecting traveller was relishing, then to drive his teeth deep into their throat for an almost instant kill and tearing them apart to release those juicy and tender limbs and flesh. That used to be excitement enough.

Yet, he now found himself in what the humans call The Citadel. Descient was impressed, now he could kill and eat without the worry of having to search for more. People came to him, people wanted to fight, to die, to be eaten and all for what? For the chance to learn and practice their skills without the fear of staying dead. To have stumbled up on such a place was marvellous to Descient and while he had never worried before about being killed, now he had even less reason to worry.

Descient locked his eyes upon his new prey, she was clearly out of her league with this fight, just like the others before her, he towered with size, but Desicent didn’t really care how skillful she could be, or not be. She looked tasty and he displayed his pleasure by licking around his teeth in a hungry gesture.

“Excellent, if you’re my prey, then it must be my birthday!” He said drooling like a wild dog. “You’ll have to forgive me, after 4000 years, you tend to forget…”

Digging his back feet into the dirt for a quick start, Descient peered side to side at his surroundings. A grassy flat plain with slightly rocky sections made the arena floor and with two tall oak trees, which sat either side of them, Descient was pleased. Now only a large boulder tilted to one side stood between them and Descient readied himself for attack.

[Ayithe Solete]

Kicking the ground, it felt rather hard with little moisture, giving a rather tough floor to run about on. It was a bright day, and the sun although blocked, managed to keep up a bright, warm atmosphere leaving only a very light breeze that was only evident by the large white clouds passing slowly over head.

Ayithe Stroked her hands through her hair before folding and pinning it up with an small metallic clip. Not concerned about actually ruining her hair, she didn't want it getting tangled or caught in anything, something she didn't normally worry about, but she hadn't cut it in a while so it was longer than usual. Stepping forward, she looked up at the creature that was her opponent, a Darkling, a creature that she hadn't faced in along while, and had defeated in the past.

She knew they were tough with a strong, hard skin, which protected it like armour, something which she took note of when choosing to use its skin as her clothing. She grinned with confidence, she had killed one before, she could easily kill another. She chose to ignore the creatures rash comment, and stood firm to its stance showing no fear. Unhooking her Diskblades ready for battle, she deliberately held one arm low and arched her other behind her head. She smiled in a teasing manner, while leaving herself open to a frontal attack, yet kept a keen eye on him.

"I am ready for you,"She said out loud fearlessly. "and i am certainly not afraid."

[Descient]

Descient Scowled at her remark, feeling very displeased with her attitude, surely she wasn't stupid enough to underestimate him? Descient shifted forward about to start an attack, but then paused immediately. He has been too focused on just jumping into a kill that he nearly missed that attire she was wearing.

The skin of his ancestors wrapped around her fragile body. Used to display her body in some sort of seductive and powerful manner. It was insulting, and Descient's veins pulsated with anger at the fact she wore it as her trophy. He knew he should be careful, to have the skin of a Darkling was to have skills, but his anger ran too deep and he barely thought about it as he hastily took a another step forward.

"...You'll pay for your over confidence!" He snarled.

Then he quickly picked up pace and went into a full striding run. His claws dug deep into the ground with each step as he tried to pick up speed and his drool ran down his neck with the momentum, which propelled him towards the rock. Giving himself a stronger push, he leaped onto the rock and launched himself into the air giving out a large roar as he descended down towards her, claws open wide, and teeth glaring, ready to sink into her flesh.

[Ayithe Solete]

It had apparently been two months since Darklings had been seen taking challenges at the Citadel and Ayithe had begged to get another chance to prove she could kill one. Her attire was evidence enough to many, yet to the sexist men out there, a woman couldn't kill one, they were too weak. To Ayithe this was unacceptable, her whole life had been dedicated to fighting and proving her families name of skilled warriors. Now it was time to put her money where her mouth was, they would surely be waiting to see if she would come out victorious.

Ayithe's keen eye watched as Descient charged towards her. He had taken the bait just as she had wanted, and since she had no real intention of leaving herself unguarded as soon as he moved she took a step back and kneeled forward holding out her Diskblades in a defensive arc over her. His pace was incredible and it only took a second for him to be upon her. Surprised but not startled Ayithe waited till he was in mid air, he had sprung himself from the rock and while his pose looked terrifying, she held herself together and dropped into a forward roll, slashing violently at the air above her.

1...and...2...

The whistle of the weapon slicing through the air echoed around them and Ayithe created another loud crash as she arose to her feet by clashing the two Diskblades together and allowing the metal to vibrate. Staring back, as he landed she twisted round to gain some momentum and followed up by throwing a Diskblade at him, which ripped through the air at an impressive speed.

[Descient]

He could feel it, the kill, the flavour, the excitement as he fell upon her, until she revealed that she was rather quick on her feet as well. It almost felt like it was slow motion scene as the blade came slicing through the air at him, his own weight was carrying him towards it and in an almost free fall he could almost only watch the blade move inches by his skin. It nearly caught him on the way out of her swing, but using a twisting motion he managed to shift his body off the blade stopping the likely hood of an quick end to this battle. He roared out as he landed awkwardly annoyed at himself for falling into such a dangerous situation. The shock attack had caused him to change his approach as he was now a step behind his opponent.

"That wasn't fun..." He said being forced to pause in mid sentence.

The slight whistling of something passing through the air ran through his ear canal and Descient glanced up to see a fast paced blade flying towards him. Jumping to one side, he convincingly avoided the blade and watched it wiz past his previous position and dig itself deep into the hard ground. His timing and strength in his legs proved to be an advantage as he prowled forward giving an unique display of his large front teeth. His nostrils flared as he stared at her still angry by her clothing.

"The sight of you sickens me!" He grumbled, "When I kill you, I shall wear your skin around me, then I can make a visit to your family and wear them too!"

With that he charged up to her again, and raising his right paw, he clawed downwards while switching to his left and repeating the same attack from the other side.

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe was rather surprised after her quick attack had failed to make a connecting blow. It was a little discouraging after she had aimed to silence the beast before he could expect anything from her. She knew it wasn't the first time that she had been underestimated because of being a woman, so it was a tactic she was fairly happy to abuse.

She watched her weapon lodge itself into the ground and a sigh of relief aired over her as she now didn't need to go chasing after it. Descients scowls and grumbles were thrown in her direction at every moment, and listening to his crude remarks, Ayithe took the moment to prepare again. Standing sideways on to him he steadied herself for impact as he lunged at her once more.

His paw came thrashing down from her left, trying as she could the sudden movement of the other paw was distraction enough as Ayithe failed to react in time. Descients claw sliced across her left arm until connecting with her arm brace. Her breathing multiplied in speed as she tried not to scream out in pain from the fast tearing of her forearm. She collapsed backwards as Descients weight came upon her and desperately reached out, knocking his repeated attack from the other side away.

A large drip of saliva dropped onto her neck as they crunched into the ground and Ayithe felt the weight of Descient for the first time. She felt desperate but in a refusal to show it, she gritted her teeth and stared fearlessly straight back into his eyes.

"Never!" She shouted, mainly as a release from the pain, which bled down her arm and over Descients leg. She still held her remaining Diskblade, and as she couldn't push him off, she sliced the Diskblade across the chest of Descient with her free arm.

[Descient]

The anticipation of the kill thrilled Descient as he spread out his body weight attempting to pin her down and dug his claws in. Drooling uncontrollably he reached down to bite into her neck and silence her, but the relentless girl struggled and shouted under duress. Descient held still and glared back at her as she stared up at him, and just as he caught a glimpse of her hand movement she sliced inwards with her weapon. Descient tried to deflect her swing and reached backwards with his powerful forearm.

Yet, he was too late and the blade sliced across under his left forearm and tore across the chest muscle causing him to instantly cringe up and hesitantly get off her to avoid another wing. He limped backwards favoring his left side for a moment, while he settled trying to relax the muscle. Taking a deep breath he took the chance to lick his wound, it wasn't deep but a hinder to his momentum.

"One strike a piece I see..." He shouted. "I shall ensure you don't get another chance like that again.

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe drove in the blade as hard as she could, she only had this one chance for survival and as the desperate attack tore into its destination, Ayithe felt the relief tremble through her body. Descient retracted his claws and Ayithe gritted her teeth from the pain as she became free from his grasp. She panted while dragging herself to her feet, unwillingly yet slowly scratching herself against the hard floor and rocky foundations till she stood. Holding onto her injured arm, she had nothing of which to cover the wound, so began wandering across the field, taking the time to pick up her second diskblade and hook it back onto her attire.

The close encounter was a bit of a shock, yet her own strike back had seemed to put her opponent in worse shape, or so she hoped as she watched through her now hanging hair. The clip had been totally removed from the clash and while it was normally a distraction, Ayithe cared little and ignored the fact it was loose and messy.

The breeze picked up a bit as the cloud cover got thicker and dimmed the usually sunny fields. Yet Ayithe and Descient's figure still managed to cast a shadow over the battlefield as they stood in silence glaring back and forth between themselves.

Ayithe hesitantly took the first step back into battle, dragged on by the persistence to prove herself in battle against a Darkling. She took a hold of her other diskblade and held them both out in front of her once again. Slowly approaching with large strides she watched carefully being sure not to make any more mistakes. Taking a chance while he as distracted by licking his wounds, she turned her slow stride into a sudden dash and spun around like the a tournado with her arms spread out wide slicing with her diskblades.

[Descient]

His rest time was up as Ayithe finally took the courage to step up to him again. Feeling rather surprised by her approach, he almost forgot to stop cleaning his wound. Most fighters begin to cower away into a defensive position after being stuck in a situation as that, with those blood soaked teeth and dark eyes staring down at you, about to bite into you and make you his lunch.

While a man might find this admirable to show such a courage, Descient didn't need to make her aware that he wasn't a man, and he certainly wasn't going to praise her. Descient roared aggressively as she approached, he felt like he needed longer to clean the wound. But with little choice he came under siege once more.

She came in straight on with a twirling attack, each weapon retaliated after the other had swung past. Descient ducked and side stepped trying to avoid the repeating attack, some came closer than others yet he managed to elegantly shift about avoiding another dangerous blow. However, he couldn't keep it up forever and the persistent swinging attacks has no armour to break as she sliced a minor cut along Descients left shoulder, his wound had already let him down as the speedy swing almost made light work of his left leg.

Realising this, Descient dropped down low allowing her momentum to carry her slightly to one side, and as she pasted him, he shifted his weight onto his front legs and kicked out backwards with his hind legs attempting to knock her away as forcefully as he could.

[Ayithe Solete]

Ayithe counted in timing with her swinging attacks, lashing out in attempts to cut across and limp that might get in her way. He still managed to move quite elegantly for such a huge wounded creature. Swinging faster and faster Ayithe almost made herself dizzy as she sliced down diagonally with each attacking blow. While he may of been rather fluent in his movement he couldn't avoid her attacks for long as she struck him along the shoulder.

Excellent! Again, again!

Attempting to follow up on the attack she swung again relentlessly at the same limb. He dodged again past the swing, and before Ayithe could stop herself, he dropped down low and slipped past her attacking line. Her momentum carried her past him and before she could conclude her footwork, his large back feet sweeped her off her feet and she flew almost like a ragdoll through the air. Still twisting from her spinning attack she crashed into the ground, unfortunately losing her disk blades as they scattered in opposing directions. She continued to barrel roll across the grass until being halted by the large roots of an oak tree.

Her arm wound throbbed intensely as she sat up, her eyes darting about the floor, desperately trying to get her bearings and find her weapons. The blow, as well as the spinning, had knocked her senseless as the ground slowly rotated around her. She struggled to gain her balance and carefully pushed up against the tree. Taking a deep breath she suddenly realised that she was no longer aware of her opponent’s position.

[Descient]

Forcefully he swept her off the ground, and let her fly disastrously into the tree. A loud thud sounded as she hit the ground and crashed into the tree like wild animal loosing control. Descient crouched low and slowly made his way around her, stalking her like his prey, ready for the kill he watched her wobble. She was unarmed and somewhat disoriented as she used the old oak tree to get upright, sliding up against the rough bark and rubbing her eyes.

"What’s wrong little girl?" He exclaimed. "I don't see any weapons on you anymore? Get knocked on the head, or are you just teasing me?"

Descient approached from her side, approaching her swiftly, yet quickly without a sound and licking his lips like a starved dog. He stepped up on a large root, which stuck out of the ground creating a small arch. He paused just as he went to dive in and finish an easy kill, but decided to enjoy this opportunity by teasing his helpless opponent. With that in mind, he jumped to her side and raised his forearm.

"You don't seem like much of a kill without your weapons...but hell, I could get used to it!" Then with a powerful swing, he struck at her with a large backhand, roaring out with a manic laughter.

[Ayithe Solete]

His voice slowly became clear, first sounding jumbled as she came to, and before she realised he was upon her he struck her across the face. It was too late to try and move, as his large arm smacked her delivering a quick and powerful blow. She stumbled stretching her legs out to try and gain her footing but evidently fell to the ground much faster than it had taken her to get to her feet.

She landed face first in the grass, pushing twigs and dirt into her hair, and the green grass stains up her cheek covered the scratches from any stones as she came to a quick but hard stop. She felt exhausted all of a sudden as her body ached from the collisions while her arm still begged for a rest. His laughter made him sound so human, which was a scarey thought, and worse than that it started to demoralise her. However, bravely and with determination she reached out and began pushing herself off the ground, he could laugh all he wanted but Ayithe wasn't beaten, she was never beaten.

"I'm not done yet..." She said valiantly spitting out some dirt that had become lodged between her lips as she hit the ground. "Since you’re not clever enough to have killed me when you had the chance, i'd say there’s enough evidence to prove you’re no smarter than the average animal."

Ayithe got up to one knee, flung her hair back and wiped her face with her hand. She spat disgracefully in his direction and began taughting him by tapping her thigh with the palm of her hand. While she appeared to be more at his mercy now than at any other time during the battle, she had more up her sleeve than he was aware.

"Come on!" She shouted at him with a smirk, "Even a domestic dog knows this means come here!"

[Descient]

Descient laughed at her frail attempt to remain standing. She looked pitiful as she lay still on the ground and Descient feeling rather comfortable about the battle now, took his time approaching her again.

"Not done yet? What do you mean not done yet? This battle was over before it started!" He exclaimed. "Humans! You all think you’re the pinnacle of design from Mother Nature, the only thing good about humans is the taste!"

Descient angered quickly from the brash taunts of his opponent. She had tried his temper enough times during this battle, reminding him of his dislike for her kind and giving him more reason to approach him. Angered by her taunts but certainly not stupid he held his position, after making a poor decision early on by rushing straight into a well timed defensive attack, he refused to be made a fool of twice. His eyes scanned her body and the floor around her, but there was nothing that he could see.

Why so confident... He pondered. she knows I could just finish her right here...

He began walking towards her slowly, watching carefully for any threatening movement. "Are you hiding something? Or are you just stupid?" He said growling under the temptation to jump on her. He glanced across the floor once more, her disk blades lying unattended and unreachable without going through Descient himself. He stopped within a meter of her, staring into her eyes, watching for a sign of a trick, but she sat still tapping her thigh and remaining very still. Descient was ready to make a decision.

"...STUPID!" He shouted out making a single outstretched leap at her. His mass was already greater than hers and so with his forearms outstretched and claws released, he fell upon her.

[Ayithe Solete]

He continually rose to her taunts and insults, letting out snarls and growls in disgust and Ayithe couldn't resist the smile that was about to be released from behind the mask. He questioned her motives and slowed his approach, much to the disapproval of Ayithe who remained sat still on the floor tapping her thigh still, hoping to get on his nerves.

Come on...come at me

She sucked on her lower lip as small cut bled out and tried dripping down her chin, and took deep breaths as she waited her him hoping she didn't make a mistake, she was going to get attacked no matter what, there wasn't another way around it, but if she was going to be attacked it was how she wanted it.

Pausing in front of her, Descient waited for a moment with Ayithe allowing him to make a move towards her supposedly defenceless position. He shouted out and leapt up in front of her, driving himself upon her in a spilt second giving her little time to react. Yet, Ayithe was ready, she had controlled herself and waited for his springing attack, some he naturally couldn't resist to leap on top of his prey.

"Game over!"

She rolled back before he even touched her laying on her back with one foot up to try hold him back from biting her. He landed and Ayithe felt like her leg had nearly broken off as his weight pushed her down. Using all her might she pushed out with her leg and placing her fists together she punched outwards into his chest delivering a halting blow to his downward fall. Then with his body weight pressing against her fists, her arm braces activated under the pressure and the long steel swords from her concealed wrist blades came rushing up at Descients body.

[Descient]

In a flash he almost wrapped around her neck, but before he could wrap his claws around her she rolled backwards letting him fall down onto her. Ayithes leg broke into Descients attacking path, stretching down towards her his eyes fixated on her neck as he tried to finish her off.

Her thrusting double punch held him back for a moment but he kept stretching and slowly began to out muscle her. Then a silent click that dug its way into Descients ear over all the tense heavy breathing, but it was too late to react to anything as he leaned over her. Two sharp blades drove deep into his chest and Descient roared out in pain. He pushed up and slid across to the side of Ayithe, the pain too intense to move and he cringed up and rolled onto his side.

"I don't fear death!" He grumbled out spitting blood.

He couldn't believe it, and the total shock showed in his eyes as they went bloodshot and dashed about as he desperately wanted to stop the blood that was pouring out. He was in disbelieve it was over and as a last ditch effort he slapped the floor with his right paw as if to attack. Then as quickly as that, it was over, the arena went silent as his breathing quickly stopped as his eyes rolled back.

[Ayithe Solete]

Her blades dug in deep and tore open a large gaping hole in his chest. It was a bit more sudden than Ayithe had expected and she nearly cut her hands as the blades flew out. His blood poured out all over her hands and arm braces as Descient tried to remove himself from over her, only tearing himself up more in the process.

Ayithe sat up as he collapsed on his side. She could tell he was surprised and she sat still as he shook and cringed before falling silent after attempting to shout out to her in anger. Ayithe didn't move for a moment, she just watched and retracted her blood soaked blades. Taking a deep breath she had for a second time beaten death and killed a creature that is feared by many. She stepped triumphantly over his head, keeping an edge of concern about herself encase he wasn't dead. Then releasing one of her blades again, she opened his mouth.

"They say that the teeth of a Darkling hold dark charms..."

With that she drove the blade into his jaw and began removing his front tooth, at such a size, no one would question what animal it was from, no one would say she couldn't kill a Darkling.


((End))

((Spoils= A Darkling Tooth charm. I shall exspand this for proper use when i get to level 1, hoping i get there soon anyways.))

[Skie and Avery]

Quest Judging
Descient vs Ayithe

As you guys made many of the same mistakes, I'll put commentary for both into one paragraph. Descient is red, Ayithe is yellow.

STORY

Continuity
3
2
The opening was exceptionally confusing, as far as talking about an invitiation that was never explained. Continual references were made to Ayithe having killed a darkling before, but I don't know how the darkling race ties into her story. I don't know how the Citadel ties into her story, or how, if she was so set on killing more darklings, she knew that a darkling would be in the Citadel.
Setting
2
2
While there was some description thrown in here, it was paltry, and often unrelating to the sentences around it. Part of a descriptive setting is also presenting to me the way your character looks. I got nothing. I don't know what the hell a Darkling looks like. I don't really know what Ayithe looks like except that she wears hair that is long up in a metal clasp that came out. Oh, and she has a Buffalo Bill fetish, what with the wearing of people's skins.
Pacing
4
5 This was okay for a battle, though while it read quickly, it did little to hold my attention.
CHARACTER

Dialogue
2
2
Sparse and cliche. Absolutely unbelievable. If you read your dialogue out loud, and don't feel like an idiot spouting off Dragon Ball Z one liners, I'll be surprised.
Action
5
4
When I understood what and why you had your characters do certain things, it was good. But there were plenty of places in the fight where I couldn't really figure out these little detail movements you were doing, or even why you were doing them.
Persona
5
5
The personas were solid, but very two dimensional. There was little depth to them, and I had a lot of trouble believing that Descient was some ancient creature.

WRITING STYLE

Technique
6
5
I like that you guys used similes here and there, but let's take this up a notch. Painting the picture with metaphor and a flow of writing. Here, you both were stuck in a rut of telling me what happened. Show me instead.
Mechanics
6
6
There were a few spelling/wording mistakes that I saw here, and at times Ayithe had problems with run on sentences. These are all minor problems that a little time spent proofreading more carefully will correct.
Clarity
7
6
Where for the most part I could understand the general idea, there were some times in the battle where I had to reread to get the jist of what you wanted to say. Not every movement has to be explained, and there are ways to use this fact to help your writing flow. Fighting movements don't have to be taken down to the very muscle. That much detail can sometimes lead to confusion, especially if you don't know what you're doing. Describing the movement skillfully, and painting the scene with it will keep the flow unbroken and keep your reader from having to stop and reread to get an image in their head. If you keep your writing clear and simple, instead of trying to write a mechanical chart, your readers will understand you and your ideas far better.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card
2
4

TOTAL
42
41
Descient is the winner

Descient gains 475 EXP and 501 GP
Ayithe Solete gains 150 EXP and 125 GP as well as the Darkling Tooth Charm. Note: The charm has no abilities and effects until it has been cleared in a character update by a Realm of Greeting moderator.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP added!