Hit me again, Barkeep ((open))

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

Seth could see the tavern begin to come into view. The wind had begun to pick up and a few rain drops had begun to sprinkle down. Before he had even got inside the smell of alcohol and smoke filled his nose. He swung open the doors and walked inside. It wasnt that busy tonight on account of the coming storm. The barkeep didnt even turn around from his work.

"You know, I'm gonna start charging you rent if you dont quit hanging around here. Are you gonna at least buy a drink?" the barkeep grumbled

"Come on! You know I dont drink." he said with a sarcastic grin "Besides, you don't have many customers tonight anyway."

"You always start trouble when you come in here and that gambling is doing a number on my business."

"Oh? How so?" he replied, as if he didnt already know the answer.

"You take all my customers money! How do you expect them to pay for drinks when you have it?"

"Well its not my fault if they can't play a decent game of texa's hold'em"

He frequently argued with the old man but if he didnt much care for him he wouldnt keep showing up. He felt something tugging on his shirt and turned to see the barkeeps young daughter, Ashley.

"Hi, Seth!"

"Oh, hi squirt. Dad bring you to work today, did he?"

"Yeah he said it wasnt going to be busy on account of the storm and that he didnt want me staying home by myself."

He turned to walk to his normal seat but not before taunting her a little.

"Awww, is the baby scared of a little thunder storm?" he said with a grin

Just then the door of the tavern swung open and someone else entered the bar. Ashley turned with a smile and welcomed the new visitor.

[Allenslob]

'Hmm, looks like this is going to be a hell of a storm,' Raphael thought to himself,

"What do you think?, We going to make it to a hotel before it downpours?"

"I think we better find some shelter, its not going to hold up a lot longer", Gabriel Spenser, Raphaels best friend said.

While they were walking down the road they found a tavern that looked mostly empty.

"Ok, we're going to wait it out here"

As they walked into the Tavern they noticed that there was a little girl coming to greet them.

"Hello and welc.." She stopped short when she noticed what they were.

"Its ok little one, were arent here to harm"

She looked a little better but she still looked a little worried, Raphael gave a quick look around and noticed that there was only one other person in the room, a male human, by the smell of him.

They continued to walk into the bar and went up to the barkeep,

"What can i get ya?," the barkeep asked

"Dont suppose you have any blood? Beast elf if you have it."

"Haha nope, no one willing to give their blood for your kind to inhabit public places like this."

"Thought as much, ill just have a beer."

"what will he be having?" the barkeep asked,

"Ask him your self, he can talk"

"Well, what will it be?"

"Water."

"Ok, coming right up," the barkeep said with a slight dissapointment look one his face.

"And who are you?" Raphael asked to the only other person in the room

[thewriter]

Narida ducked, covering Neoku with her cloak, as a tree nearby was struck by a bolt of lightning. Quickly, the rushed from under it as it crunched down to the ground below. In all of this, her mask was split and now useless, and while no blood was drawn, she had numerous aches and bruises, as did Neoku. the large wolf carried her on his back at first, since they moved faster that way, but soon he tired and she was too encumbersome to carry. Her normally neatly braided pack hair was a tumble of mess.

"A bit further, Neoku," she panted. "I can see the tavern, just up there. see?" She didn't wait for an answer, for thunder came on their ears and they hurried.

A bit further... Narida thought to herself. Neoku howled long and loud in response to the thunder, when it ended. It was a tradition among wolves, he told her once. They thought thunder was the herald of the pack leader.

They could smell the tavern now - a few more yards. with a great leap, they made it under the awning, safe from the storm. Narida smiled and laughed. "It seems Gaia likes to play games with us nowadays," She told Neoku, who groaned in agreement, and proceeded to shake the water from his fur and onto her. It didn't matter, seeing as she was soaked. The silhouette of her face in the pane of glass told her that her hair was still partly braided and going everywhere, so she casually ran her fingers through the silky threads of platinum until she considered it decent. Then, she went into the tavern and took a seat at the bar.

"Water, please," She asked the barman. "Preferably some I can give my wolf - we fought Gaia long and hard to get here."

She could feel the uneasy stares upon her - which is common. The Beast Elf is a very unknown race among many, yet she was not accepted even among her own people for her features as well.

But it was not for lack of beauty - even now, as she sat damp with hair streaking down her back you could call her beautiful - exceptionally so if she was wearing feminine clothes. It was her face that made it so. Her mask kept it from getting cut and scarred - or did, since it broke - and the golden brown color of her skin seemed to glow in the fire, gleaming off her white teeth. It was her eyes that banished her - fog grey eyes that, in her people's culture, meant that she was born with a ghost spirit a part of her soul - hence earning the name "Living Ghost". The princess of a tribe, banished for having cursed eyes...yet these were no curse to her, she told herself so many times.

Narida's eyes were now focused on the vampire here. Putting a hand to her red stone around her neck, she waited for her water and said nothing, her face becoming a mask in itself. Neoku was close at her side.

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

Seth nodded his head to the two men that had entered the room, they seemed friendly enough but decided to keep quiet for the moment until one of them asked his name. He thought for a moment and decided not to give his real name.

"The names Ace, I trust that will be a proper enough introduction." he said with a grin.

The doors swung open again. This time it was a female beast elf that had entered the tavern, along with a large wolf that walked beside her.

"Man, this bar is filling with some real characters tonight." he muttered to himself.

Ashley had seated herself beside him and glanced over at the two men.

"Hey Seth, those are vampires right?" she whispered

"Yup, seems that way. They don't appear to be hostile so i don't think you have anything to worry about."

"What about her?" she said pointing to the lady that had just entered, "What is she?"

"Thats a beast elf, I haven't seen one in person before so its hard to say what she's doing here." he paused for a moment "She doesn't appear to be causing trouble, plus she's kinda cute. You think I gotta chance?" he said in a joking manner.

The little girl grinned, "Nope, no chance at all"

Seth's head dropped in a fake depression. For a few minutes he continued to watch the new visitors.

[thewriter]

Narida had to chuckle at that. "I can hear you, good sir," She said. "And good luck winning my heart - Neoku here is a tough fight." She made a gesture to her wolf.

"As for what I'm doing here, I'm here for what everyone else is here for - a drink, hot meal, perhaps a game of cards, though I do not bet money, and a warm bed. But I must give you credit, some men take hours to figure out my race - you wouldn't believe some of the things men come up with."

Neoku sat beside her and came up to the little girl in a friendly tone, sniffing her. It had been a while since either he or Narida had seen a child. "Don't worry, he's friendly, lest I tell him to be. Even then, I tell him exactly who to attack, and my people are more noble than to slay an innocent child. Now then, whatever your cheapest dish is and some water would be nice - preferably warm, we've been camping in rain for the past few days."

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

The barkeeper looked a bit conserned, "You poor dear, its been raining the past 3 days now dont tell me you've been out in this weather camping?"

Seth pulled a deck of cards outta his jacket and motioned for the beast elf to come forward.

"How about this? You beat me at poker and I'll buy you a room, a decent meal for you and a big steak for your friend there." he thought for a moment, "and if I win, I get to take you out on a date later. Deal?" he grinned.

He glanced over at the other two men and thought for a moment.

"And what about you gentlemen? Care to join?"

[thewriter]

Narida arched her eyebrow. "A date? If it's only that, then I'll gladly accept - but I must warn you, I don't even own a dress, so don't expect anything fancy should you win."

She then addressed the barkeep. "Please - beast elf villages are in the middle of wild forests where most men avoid, which means rain is just a part of our lives in the fall and spring - three days is nothing."

To keep Neoku preoccupied, she took from her pack a water dish and poured the remnants of her water skin in it. She knew he was getting thirsty, for he was panting.

"Alright then, deal," She told him.

(warning, I don't know how to play poker so I'm prolly gonna end up following your lead ^^)

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

He had a feeling that the beast elf probably wasn't a good poker player.

"Alright, we will keep it simple. We take turns drawing cards and the player who wins five rounds will be the winner."

He waited to see whether the other two was planning on playing.

"But as for what you said earier about most men not knowing about beast elfs.....well I can't say I've seen one before besides you. But my years wandering and training turned up a lot of stories and rumors about the different races. Although, I'm not one for history so I can't say I'm too familar with your race."

[thewriter]

"Then it would seem you are not one of most men," She commented. "But If you entered one of our villages you wouldn't survive long. You'd have an entire clan of beast elves and their animal companions either chasing you out or killing you if they are too lazy to chase you out."

When she finished drawing her five as he finished his, she looked at her cards with a stone straight face as not to give any hints as to what was in her hand.

Not the best hand, but I've gotten worse. This guy looks pro, so I better watch myself.

[Allenslob]

Raphael was thinking about it, he didnt really like toplay but Gabriel pushed past him and walked up to the table.

"OK whats the bet for us Ace. what do we get if we win?" Gabriel asked

"Ugh, fine i guess we can play a couple hands, can i get another beer?" Raphael asked the barkeep, trowing another pennie up onto the bar.

With his beer in his hand he walked up to the table and pulled out the chair, furthest away from the elf.

not having much to gamble, Raphael didnt really see what there was to lose, he even went as far as to taking his mask off, revealing a face a beautiful as a vampires face would be.

[thewriter]

Neoku gave a warning growl to the vampires, but Narida nudged him with her foot. "Neoku, hush - they mean us no harm," she said, yet it had more of the tone of "No harm that I can tell" She knew vampires were drawn to the delectable taste of beast elf blood, but she saw no ill intentions in how he moved and spoke.

She had lost this draw, but she wasn't too upset. She had a feeling that she could pull up a few more wins.

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

He pondered for a moment and before taking a glance at the mans mask.

"What about the mask?" he said as he dealed out five more cards for the two men, "I'll offer a meal and a bed, she offers a date, and you two offer the mask. What do you say?"

Before he answered he turned to deal himself five cards. He turned to her again.

"Before we begin, shuffle your five cards and lay them face down, this is a game of luck."

[thewriter]

Narida did so, shuffling the hand and putting her cards in a single pile, neatly stacked. "So, where are you coming from?" She asked casually, not really making eye contact. She felt comfortable keeping others talking - it meant she could understand them better, and recognize their intentions. She liked knowing what those around her were like. "And what's your reason for being here?"

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

He turned back to the girl and thought for a moment whether he should tell her the truth or make something up. Talking about assassination attempts wasn't exactly the best small talk he could make, but he was quite curious as to what she was in town for. He reached back in his pocket and pulled out another deck of cards. This deck, however, was very different from regular playing cards. The cards were made of thin steel sheets and the edges were extremely sharp to touch.

"I'm after a mans life tonight." he replied after showing her the cards, "I hope he's a good gambler because by morning he will be risking more then just his money."

He sat there for a moment. He had let himself be put in that mood without even thinking about it. His face was like stone and the smile he had earlier had disappeared. He quickly regained himself and grinned a bit.

"And what about you three? What are your reasons for being out in this storm?"

He too shuffle his five cards and lay them face down. He looked over at the two men to figure out if they were willing to bet the man's mask and willing to share there reason for being here.

[thewriter]

"Your an assassin then," She inferred. "Or you have a grudge. I don't care for either, since that's my job. I work as a mercenary or assassin for hire - just finished one job, and my employer told me of a friend of his who was in need of service, so I was sent his way. I'll take any assassination offer, so long as I am told why they deserve death and may cut a few tufts of hair from their heads after they have been lobbed off the body, in case any of you are in need of servicing."

There was no point hiding truth, Narida had thought. Life had been tough on her - she did all she could and she turned out with a job that most would turn down. But she had to make the most of it - she had morals, so she enforced them on her job. If the barkeep had a problem with her staying here, then she would simply camp outside - this storm was nothing compared to the winter of eighty years ago - if she could survive that storm, she could easily survive this one.

[Allenslob]

"Well, we are in look of a job, as we were once assassins also but then people like you came and started doing our jobs for less, so we quit the business. As for what we are doing here, we are in search of a base, or a headquarters, if you will, for our new job, which i dare not tell yall."

In truth they had not had a new job to do or one even thought of.

Raphael looked at Ace and said, "As for my mask," he said picking it up, "the only way im going to gamble this away is if you put up your deck of cards."

"As for me will 20 gold pieces be sufficient?" Gabriel asked, pulling out a bag full of gold peices

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

"I'm afraid I have many decks of cards, you had better specify what kind your after unless you like having someone take advantage of your lack of description." he grinned with confidence. "If you mean my deck of steel bladed cards then I'll have to gracefully decline."

He stared the vampires down a bit with the same confident smile from earlier before continuing.

"As a matter of fact, I'm quite curious as to who you guys are actually." his normal grin disappeared to a cold stare. "You haven't told me your names yet so why dont you just fill me in on that little detail?"

[Allenslob]

"hmm my name? well we dont know you well enough for my name, but my freinds name is Gab.."

Before he could finish Gabreil grabbed him by his arm and showed him his communicator, given to him by his father,

We need your help, now please

"Who is this?" Raphael ask,

Gabreil whispered in his ear and with that they both got up and left out of the bar into the raining storm.

[The-Ace-Of-Spades]

Seth continued to stare at the two until they exited the tavern.

"Two vampires, both former assassins." he said to himself. "Thats gotta be the guys I'm after." he reached across the table and flipped over the ladies cards, "mmmm, not bad. Three aces, two kings, and a jack. You'd make an excellent gambler."

He walked back to the bar and layed a pouch filled with gold on the counter.

"Give her a room and a nice meal, gramps." he replied.

He turned back to her once more with the same cocky grin on his face as before. "Sorry lady, Seems my blades have a date with a couple of vampires tonight." he gave a small bow. "I do hope I'll have the pleasure of seeing you again sometime." and with that he made his way out into the stormy night following the two bloodsuckers.


{End Thread}

[4saykin]

At the moment that it started to storm.the tavern doores swung open and there stood a mysterious man,one that no one has ever seen before......he looked has if he has been traving for a long while...

He makes his way to the bar,bumping into a waitress.quickly and softly,making sure no one other then her hears his voice and ther words that he says.
"I am terribly sorry about taht miss." And continues on his way to the bar.....
His hood is up,so o no one can see his face.It is as if he dont want any one to see his face.

As he takes a seat at a near by stool,he places his hand on the butt of his sword,and orders a drink.
While he waits for his drink he pulls a pipe from his side,and fills it with tobaco.......Finily his wine is set in front of him,he sits there and drinks his wine while smoking fr om his pipe and observing those around him......

Having yet to take his down,or take his hand off his sword,making sure that no one sees his face.

continuing to sit there an observe everyone around him he says nothng to no one......

[Breaker]

Hit me again, Barkeep
Quest Judgement

4saykin's post is not being included in the overall score or commentary, since he posted after the thread finished. But he did make an effort, so I'll still award him EXP for it. Onto the judgement!

STORY

Continuity ~ 4/10. For the most part, you all hinted at reasons why your characters were there, and mentioned bits of backstory, but I didn't understand it for the most part. Ace and Thewriter brought this area up a bit, since you did provide some justification, but you both could have gone much more in depth. Allenslob, I frankly had no clue where your character and his buddy came from, or why they were there. This is important information, because without it, I have nothing to base your characters' existence on.

Setting ~ 2/10. The setting was weak, at the best of times, and nonexistent most of the time. Everyone who was outside mentioned the storm, but it barely seemed tangible. Where was the driven rain and howling wind? And no one felt saved by the warm comfort of the tavern? Remember to consider all five senses at all times-- anything your character would notice in particular is probably worth mentioning.

Pacing ~ 2/10. There wasn't really any plot to this. Ace, that job you were after at the end came out of nowhere, and as for the two vampires, what were they even in the pub for if they just left right afterwards? Thewriter gets props because she landed a free room and all that.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 3/10. There was dialogue, but nothing exciting, nothing original, nothing that really caught my eye. Allenslob, be careful with using different colors; you still have to point out who is saying what, because I lost track of that a few times in your posts, especially when we got up to like 4 different colors. I felt like, in general, the dialogue would have been a lot more realistic if you hadn't all been so quick to hang out with each other and play cards.

Action ~ 2/10. I don't believe in docking points for lack of fight scenes, but this thread had no action whatsoever. I mean, Ace could have at least thrown a steel card into the wall to impress Narida. Think about all the little things real people do... nervous ticks, adjustments to clothing or weapons, or even just leaning back in the chair and sighing. It's the little details that help bring characters to life.

Persona ~ 4/10. I got a little bit here from each of you, and I think Thewriter did this best, but overall there just wasn't a whole lot of persona. Nothing that happened seemed to effect any of your characters emotionally-- Narida wasn't happy to be out of the storm, the vampires weren't thirsty when they noticed a tasty beast elf, and Ace wasn't excited when he realized the vampires were his quarry. I think you all need to make a serious effort to get inside your characters' heads.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 2/10. The few literary devices I noticed weren't particularly eye catching, and for the most part the technique fell flat. I thought Ace and Thewriter might have been foreshadowing something for awhile, but then it disapeared and everyone decided to leave. Normally I would say "when you're describing actions and setting, use literary devices" but you guys barely described the actions and setting to begin with. So, step 1: pay attention to the surroundings! ask yourself where they are, who is there, why they're there, what they are doing, and howthey are doing it. Step 2: slide some literary devices in amidst the descriptive language to really bring your paragraphs to life.

Mechanics ~ 3/10. There were a lot of really silly, unforced errors, spanning pretty much every form of mechanics. I didn't get the feeling that any of you proofread or edited your posts, which is bad. Please do so in the future, and use a spellcheck as well.

Clarity ~ 5/10. Easy enough to follow, but I didn't see anything that encouraged me to raise this score.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 4/10. All of you can do much, much better than this.

TOTAL ~ 31/100.

EXP and GP Rewards

The-Ace-of-Spades gains 300 EXP and 100 GP
Allenslob gains 175 EXP and 50 GP
thewriter gains 220 EXP and 75 GP
4saykin gains 20 EXP

[Zook Murnig]

EXP/GP ADDED!