Puppets on a String

[grim137]

((Closed. Takes place directly after the first round of the Serenti.))

Back in Corone...

“Tobias Battalion…”

That name seemed like it would ring for all eternity inside the mind of the now troubled and deeply disturbed livelike vampire, Tarry Whealer.

“…I’m sorry. I meant to show you mercy, the way you had shown me. You could’ve during that moment, you and those friends of yours could have destroyed me, yet you did something no one has done for me in a long time, you showed me trust, you showed me mercy and you showed me kindness. Yet I betrayed you. I took advantage of those things, I lost my self to the bloodlust, and I slaughtered you without a moment of hesitation. God, what the fuck have I become? What kind of filthy monster am I that I would betray the trust of a young boy and kill him the way I killed you, Tobias. You didn’t deserve such a fate Tobias, though I do. I’m sorry Tobias. When the monks bring you back from the afterlife, please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Never before had Tarry felt so bad about a kill in his life. Sure he had a few he wasn’t particularly proud of, a few that occasionally tormented him when he closed his eyes or let his mind wonder, but never before had any of the nearly uncountable number of vile sins committed by him tormented him with such terrible, soul crushing guilt as the memory of the way he had murdered Tobias Battalion in the first round of the Serenti Invitational.

As Tarry slowly trudged through the deserted nighttime roads of Corone, away from the place where the Serenti Invitational was held, and the murder of Tobias Battalion had occurred, his troubled and insane mind constantly fed him with reminders of the horrible deed he had done. Every time the strong, cold winds let out a howl Tarry’s ears interpreted the sound as the squeaking sound of the wheels on Tobias’s wagon as it rolled along. Every time the lightning cracked Tarry though he heard the kids bones breaking, and the thunder that followed sounded to the partially insane vampire as the sound the kid’s body bouncing off the tree that it had smashed into when Tarry murdered him. With every drop of icy cold rain that pounded on the on the hard dirt road, the roof of one of the stone buildings, or even off of Tarry himself, the sound of the blind vampire’s ki blast detonating on the kid was sent through his mind.

With these constant reminders running endlessly through his head as the storm continued, Tarry trudged on. He had no idea where he was headed and it didn’t matter. Having spent so much time in Salvar the cold air and harsh winds didn’t bother him. He was immortal so it was not like he could become sick and die in such conditions the way humans with their frail bodies could, and he didn’t have anywhere he needed to be. No, the vampire just wanted to get as far away from the Serenti, and the horrible memories of Tobias’s murder that the place entailed, as soon as possible. So the blind vampire, Tarry Whealer, murderer of the young child, Tobias Battalion trudged on.

After what seemed like a few minutes of walking Tarry heard a familiar voice, one that set off an alarm in his mind and took priority in the troubled recesses of his mind above all the hallucinations and guilt ridden thoughts. The words the voice spoke were kind and soothing. Though he may have stopped and listened to the words, the blind vampire knew far too well about who they belonged to for his emotions and mind to be tricked like that.

“I don’t know why you constantly fight your conscience Tarry. Creatures like you and me are killers, manipulators and controllers by nature. It is who we are. It’s our purpose to decide who lives and dies, to rid the world of those that we decide deserve death. It is our fate, our destiny to control the weak and keep them in line. By killing people such as Tobias Battalion, as well as all the others who die at the hands of those like us, we are simply doing our job. It is a job that keeps the balance and the peace in the universe, if we didn’t chaos would take over. You should feel bad when you fail to do your job, not when you succeed the way you did with Tobias Battalion.”

Standing just barely three feet in front of Tarry was the powerful dark elf, Do’negh Verameshi.

[Cash]

Mean while in the Red Forest of Raiaera…

A strange spectacle was happening, one that was bizarre, scary and fascinating even compared to most of the secrets The Red Forest housed.

In the sky, just eight feet above ground level, it appeared as if one of the thynes themselves had torn a hole in reality with some sort of great blade. The tear was about six feet in length and about three feet wide; the depth was impossible to measure. The whole thing seemed to cause reality to bend and warp in unnatural ways, creating an image that would otherwise be impossible for any creature short of a god to bring into reality. The great red trees that towered to the sky, whose trunks were larger than the waist of any giant bent and twisted out of the way of the strange vortex as if they were the rubber play things of an infant. No creature or sentient plant dared get near or under the glowing black vortex. All around the area black lightning arched, from all different directions, not just going down as lightning usually did but also going to the sides and even shooting upwards. The wind around the area swirled like a sort of strange cyclone, yet it didn’t pick up even the tiniest amount of debris.

Then in an instant, a human female that was no more than five feet and eleven inches in height and didn’t weigh more than a measly one hundred and forty five pounds. Yet as soon as the woman hit the ground with a thud everything stopped and the vortex disappeared. Unlike its entrance, the exit of the strange tear in reality was nothing spectacular, in fact when all was said and done the only reminder of the vortex was the human who had come out of it. The winds stopped instantly, as did the lightning, the vortex closed up and disappeared without a trace or sound and the trees that had formally bent to its will resumed their natural shape with no indication that anything had ever changed.

With a sigh Casha slowly got up on wobbly knees. The inter-dimensional teleportation technology Casha’s home planet had used to send her to Althanas may have been considered state of the art back there, but it was still in its early infancy. Unfortunately what this meant was that the next twenty seconds felt like twenty life times as she suffered through some of the worst feelings of sickness she had ever felt. Luckily when those twenty or so seconds were over, the sickness cleared up quickly.

As her head stopped spinning, and she regained the ability to open her eyes without wanting to die she couldn’t help but look around with utter awe and astonishment at what she saw. To a woman whose planet was entirely dominated by technology, a place were it was rare that plants grew anywhere other than on farms or labs where they were harvested for various reasons, the image provided by great red forest of Raiaera was as extraordinarily beautiful to her as it was scary to the Raiaeren natives.

The forest was a dark crimson red, easily as red as the blood that squirted and flowed freely from a large open wound, except where as the crimson color served to make the latter sight more horrid it served to make the former more beautiful. It was night time and the stars and moon, shown through the trees and plants and danced upon the ground and leaves, completely unhindered and undimmed by the likes of modern day electric lights that filled the city Casha was from. The most amazing thing about it was the immense size of it all, as Casha looked in all directions she realized that she wasn’t standing in any small grove, no the forest seemed to span endlessly possibly for miles on end in every direction as far as the human eye could see.

Reaching down the side of her left leg the female operative pulled out a small walkie-talkie from the inside of one of the pockets on her suit. She twisted a small knob on the top and pressed down a red button on the side and began to spoke into it.

“HQ, come in. This is operative Cash Via, I have arrived on Althanas safely, over.” The spy’s words were greeted with only static as Raiaera’s anti-technology climate proved that it didn’t discriminate about the planetary origins of said technology.

“Damn, looks like it’s a bit harder to talk between dimensions than those white coated, lab rats thought. What the hell?!”

Jostling the spy out of her thoughts was yet another strange sight. Though this one was far more scary than the sight of the forest its self. Surrounding her now were about ten armed orc warriors and one shaman leading the pack. Each orc was large, towering at about eight feet tall with massive chests, and arms and legs that were as thick as the waist of most humans. They wore crude clothing made of cloth and armor that had been fashioned out if tree bark. They were all armed with large wooden clubs, though three of the orcs were also armed with poorly made long bows. The shaman was even more fearsome. Though at only six feet tall and not covered in massive muscles, the shaman may have been much smaller than the warriors he commanded, that didn’t take away from the frightening appearance one bit. Atop the shaman’s head was a helmet created from the hollowed skull of some odd forest creature, the shaman’s frail looking body was covered in oddly covered cloths, tattoos, and body paint, and around his small waist was a patch containing all sorts of herbs used for various spells. In the shaman’s hand was an ulder staff that had numerous rune symbols carved into it.

As the orcs moved in on the now very, very frightened Casha Via, high above in the night sky, a hawk observed it all. Trained by using ancient elfin beast taming methods, by some of the best beast tamers in the Tel Agarlim observed what was happening for only a moment before flying off.

[grim137]

Tarry looked up at the dark elf with a snarl just as the poisonous words finished leaving their master’s lips. The malice and hatred that the vampire felt for Do’negh showed clearly on his face and was only amplified by the dirty rain water that cascaded down from the top of his head and by the bright flashes of lightning that illuminated the violent and stormy nighttime sky.

By now the hallucinations had stopped, leaving the vampire’s troubled and restless mind to focus on the things at hand. The dark elfin menace that stood before him took high priority over the guilty conscience caused by the death of Tobias. There could be time to brood over such thoughts later, the mere presence of Do’negh was more than enough to trigger an alarm in Tarry’s mind and warrant a ton of focus on the here and now, especially since the dark sorcerer had a long history of screwing the blind vampire over.

“You’re full of shit Do’negh. I’ve heard all that crap before, about how I was chosen to kill, about how the gods have blessed me with a gift that I should embrace. You’re no different than all those backstabbing, money-grubbing politicians I used to take orders from way back when I worked as an assassin. If the gods wanted people to die in the numbers that monsters like you or me killed them in, then they would do so themselves.” As Tarry spoke he made a deliberate effort to keep his words slow and clear so that there could be no mistaking them.

Though Do’negh may have been slightly insulted by Tarry’s words, the powerful dark elf didn’t show it. Instead he laughed at Tarry’s ignorance before responded to the blind vampire in the same fashion a teacher would respond to a young child who had just said that two plus two equaled five. “It never amazes me how truly ignorant you can be sometimes Mr.Whealer. The gods are killing all those people by themselves; they are just doing it through us. Which is another reason why it’s absolutely futile for you to try and stop being what you are, because to the gods me, you, and everybody else is just a medium in which they accomplish their goals.”

By now Tarry had heard enough, something about Do’negh’s words or maybe it was just the tone in which Do’negh spoke, though it was likely with the mood Tarry was in and the amount of hatred the blind vampire felt for the drow. Whatever the case may have been Tarry’s anger had grown considerably in the short amount of time the two had been talking and the mentally unstable livelike vampire was sick of Do’negh’s presence.

“Cut to the chase Do’negh, why are you here? I know you’re not here just to comfort me so lets skip the bullshit. Every time you and I meet, I get fucked. So what is it this time? What sort of sick and twisted little game are you playing with me now? Let me guess, you replaced Nodre with some new more powerful minion and you came here to let me know ahead of time that whoever the hell this new minion of yours is has come to Corone to kill me, or no wait, if I don’t swear my allegiance to you again you will unleash some sort of master plan that leads to a lot of pain on my part. Of course maybe I have you all wrong, perhaps you got tired of being a prick and have decided just to kill me and get it over with,” said Tarry, nearly spitting his words as his hand began to grip his sword ever tighter. The scary part was that both Tarry and Do’negh new the powerful dark elf was easily capable of everything the vampire said and then some.

Had it been anybody else who had spoken such acidic words to Do’negh, that poor creature surely would have earned himself a painful death that would have taken a long, long time. However there were some advantages, however minute, to being a proverbial toy to a creature as sick and twisted; yet also conniving and intelligent as Do’negh was. One of them was that you didn’t die, for better or for worse, until he (Do’negh) was good and ready.

“You know me too well, but you should give me some credit Tarry. I admit I didn’t come merely to comfort you in you’re time of need but I do have something more in store for you. You see the more I learn the more interesting the subject you truly become, and believe me I have some information that you are bound to find very interesting.”

[Cash]

Casha awoke about two hours later with a rather large bump on her head from where one of the orcs had knocked her unconscious. She now found herself in a dimly lit cave. The air was cold and made her shiver but also served to keep her calm enough not to freak out. The damp air combined with a musty smell that seemed to linger thickly in air most likely caused by the years the cave had spent as a campsite for the orcs. Merely a few torches that were nailed into the walls by thick, metal stakes provided the area what little light was in the area. In fact, had it not been for the fact that she was gagged and tied to a large stone that jutted from the ground, all this would have made for a beautifully surreal environment that Casha would have enjoyed getting a good look at.

In front of here she could see two of the large orc warriors standing next to the smaller shaman that seemed to be their leader. By straining her eyes in the dimly lit cave the spy from another world could make out what seemed to be another figure who was covered from head to toe in a thick cloak and wielded a large staff in his hand. It was hard to tell exactly how big the figure was thanks to the thick and baggy cloak but Casha could easily tell he was smaller than any of the orcs, including the shaman.

“We got the human girl like you wanted. She’s right behind me,” said the shaman in tradespeak so fluent that it surprised the redheaded spy.

“Good,” responded the figure before moving forward to claim his prize.

Luckily to the relief of the spy, when the cloaked figure moved forward his path was stopped by two of the physically much stronger orc warriors and the orc shaman. This was followed by another quick exchange of words, between the two figures, though this time the words seemed to hold a bit more anger than the strictly business like tone the first exchange had been spoken in.

“What are you doing?” asked the cloaked creature in a predictably annoyed fashion.

“Where’s our payment? The deal was we get you the girl and your master gives us enough gold to pay for our chieftain’s release from the elfish prison,” responded the shaman just as firmly.

Before the strange cloaked figure could even respond another voice broke the air. Loud and regal sounding it pounded through the dark and dreary cavern like a loud, pounding drum. “Orcs, murdering beasts, you have been prosecuted and sentenced to death along with your captain in the name of the great nation of Raiaera! Surrender peacefully so that blood need not be shed and the Tel Aglarim may reduce the punishment you deserve!”

As the echoes of the words continued to die down the cloaked figure let out an evil sounding chuckle that made Casha more nervous than she already was from being bound and gagged by the orcs. “Well it seems somebody must have alerted the Tel Aglarim about your whereabouts. Guess I won’t be getting paid after all,” said the figure with a sort of sardonic glee.

By now the shaman was livid with anger, not exactly surprising given the fact that he had clearly been screwed over by the cloaked figure. Strange energies began to surround the shamen, centering themselves upon the now glowing runes of the shamans staff but whatever great, unexplainable, devastating spell the shaman had planned would never be known to anybody except perhaps the shaman himself. For it seemed the cloaked figure knew a few spells of his own and he proved to be superior mage. A bolt of lighting shot from the long, elegant staff in his hands successfully splitting the skull of the shaman in two, perfectly symmetrical halves.

As the sound of a large door being shattered was sent through out the cave the figure performed his next trick, a disappearing act. In a quick puff of smoke the figure disappeared with no trace unless the dead shaman counted as such.

[grim137]

“Raiaera, it’s been awhile,” thought the blind vampire as he stepped off the wooden ship and on to the hard stone road of Anebrilith Port.

Slowly Tarry walked through the hot sun and unusually violent winds of the port. He ignored the thick smell of the salty air and the various other strange and odd smells that filtered into the thick moist air from the numerous shops and buildings the lined the streets. He also ignored all the various sounds ranging from the marching of guards to the gossiping of the citizens to the loud, booming, fast paced voices of salesmen trying to trick empty headed customers with thick pouches of gold into buying what ever overpriced trinket they happened to be selling at the time.

Tarry ignored all this because he was focused on the ‘gift’ Do’negh had supplied along with the information. Do’negh had of course informed Tarry about the arrival of the female from Najin (Tarry’s home planet) but in addition to all this the enigmatic drow had also done something else, he had used his dark power to give the blind predator the ability to track down the girl from any point on the planet. Tarry didn’t stop to think that in the process of allowing Do’negh to further empower him that in the process he had increased the influence of the dark creature’s taint over his body. No, the mere fact that somebody from Najin had arrived on Althanas was disturbing enough in and of itself that it prevented the mentally unstable vampire from worrying about small details such as that.

Even with all the new worries of a potential Najin threat occupying the twisted crevices of his mind Tarry couldn’t help but notice that things seemed to be different in Anebrilith. The general populous gave of a more relaxed, happy and welcoming feel to it. What was even stranger was that Tarry didn’t feel the accusing stares or hear any of the gossiping whispers from the usual stuck up citizens regarding his presence. Of course his fangs were retracted back into his skull so it wasn’t glaringly obvious to anybody that he was a vampire but still he was disappointed that his presence didn’t cause the same sort of stir it once did. Over all it was very strange for the vampire to travel in the high elf infested continent with out experiencing too much hostility from its natives.

“Guess my infamy around these parts died along with Damon Kaosie, the undead infestation and my employment in the Tel Aglarim. Amazing how quickly a place can change, even one as annoyingly conservative as Raiaera,” thought the vampire briefly before mentally brushing the thought away.

A few moments later as Tarry came upon the southern gate of Anebrilith he once again found his hand resting idly on the hilt of his sword. Yet when the guards simply opened the gates and let him pass with out word or sign of trouble the blind vampire’s hand once again left its post on the handle of the large weapon, only this time there was a bit of confusion in the movement.

“And to think, it was just barely a year ago when they tried to hang me for badmouthing the new general,” thought the blind vampire with a bit of amusement.

With that final thought the blind vampire once again focused his mind on the gift Do’negh had granted him just a day and a half earlier, and with the speed of two men the Tarry shot off into the country side of Raiaera heading straight for his target, the operative from Najin.

[Cash]

“Ah! Vinadel, help!” screamed Casha as a scorpion the size of a small dog crawled through grass towards her as she scrambled to get back on her feet.

The voice of Grevno Vinadel, lieutenant swordsman of the Tel Aglarim could be heard huming with fluctuating notes that reminded Casha of the flickering of a fire. Suddenly a magical arrow doused in white flames whistled through the air and penetrated the large scorpion and engulfing the giant arachnid in flames that quickly ate away its body and took its life.

“Are you okay?” asked to lieutenant, sounding generally worried about the condition of attractive female he and his men and rescued from the orcs. “Its rare to find ita’istar scorpions such as that this far from Tel Moranfauglir, though sometimes merchants like to capture them and sell them as exotic pets. I bet that one was probably here because it escaped such a merchant. I’ll have a few my men search the area to see if there are any more of them around, though I doubt. You didn’t get stung did you?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just not used to seeing scorpions anywhere near that big where I come from,” responded the spy who was still feeling a little shaken up from the experience.

Laughing the good-natured soldier responded, “Don’t worry. Those things may look large and scary but they are mostly harmless. Their stings may hurt a lot because of the size of their stingers but the venom is weak and at most it would have given you a moderate headache and fever for the rest of the day.” The armor-clad soldier then turned to his men. “Isahtar,” yelled the lieutenant to the skinny soldier carrying a long bow and a quiver of arrows “take three men and search the area for ita’istar scorpions. There was one in the area and they like to travel in packs so there maybe more.” Following the orders, the lad gave a quick solute accompanied by a “yes sir” and in an instant him and two other soldiers, swordsmen to be exact, ran off to complete the lieutenant’s orders.

For the past day and a half or so Casha had been traveling with Lieutenant Grevno Vinadel, using their time together to learn a lot about Raiaera. The young spy had the elfin soldiers convinced that she was a young traveler from Radasanth and that she was trying to find out all she could about Raiaera because she was fascinated by the stories and lessons she had learned about the place during her schooling. This worked out well because while the Lieutenant was generally pleasant to be around and Casha did enjoy his company he still shared that same streak of pretentious pride for his country and for his knowledge that all people with authority and aristocratic backgrounds such as his shared. So he was usually more than happy to tell Casha all about things ranging from military techniques to both recent and ancient histories to common day culture and even some stuff about Raiaeran song magic and the schools that teach it.

In exchange for all this she would tell tales of ‘a mystical land with technologies far more advanced than anything on all of Althanas’ and she would tale of the ‘wondrous technological achievements that far surpass anything created by scientist or mage’. When that wasn’t sufficient to get some of the information she wanted from him, and there were a few times where it wasn’t, she would occasionally flirt with him and gently take advantage of the fact that he was male to get him to elaborate or certain details of things, particularly regarding magic which proved to be the most fascinating thing for Casha regarding Raiaera and Althanas in general.

So in the short day and a half she had been with the lieutenant and his men on the way to the city of Anebrilith she had learned a lot while under the protection of the Tel Aglarim soldiers that had saved her from the orcs in the cave and so far things had worked out surprisingly well. It was a pleasant change from the first few hours of her arrival on Althanas. Unfortunately for her, though she didn’t know it at the time, things were about to get really scary once again.

[grim137]

“Halt traveler, we can’t allow you to go any further!” commanded one of three Tel Aglarim soldiers standing in front of Tarry Whealer.

“Why not, this is open grounds, travelers pass through here all the time?” inquired the vampire, examining all three soldiers with his spirit sense. Something bothered him about one of them or more specifically something bothered him about the archer, the two swordsmen seemed fine.

“Sorry for the inconvenience traveler, but there have been numerous confirmed sightings of large groups of hostile orcs near the edge of Lindequalmë. It the area is being blocked off of by the Tel Aglarim until orc menace can be properly taken care of.”

“I thank you for your protection but I have urgent business beyond this point and I assure you that I am more than capable of taking care of myself,” responded Tarry politely trying to sound official and business like in his manner of speaking.

With those words Tarry went on his way yet before he could go more than a few feet behind the guards his sharp hearing picked up the sound of an arrow being pulled far back in a bow and that was when Tarry noticed it. The archer’s life force was tinted with a dark taint. It was small, but like Tarry’s own taint would likely grow. The sinister force that was acting upon the archer’s soul was likely very subtly corrupting the young elf making him ever more evil.

“Clever it seems Do’negh has found someway to put a bit of taint in this soldier. I wonder how many others have been tainted as well? Fortunately it looks like what ever dementia induced plans that nut job has for this poor archer will never come to fruition,” thought Tarry as the archer’s next words came booming out.

“Last warning traveler! Turn around and do not go any further or you will be shot!” boomed the archer's voice in vain as his words fell on deaf ears. Well mostly deaf ears for the vampire was going to respond to the soldier’s warning though not in the kind of way that was likely expected by the three novice soldiers.

From the back of the vampire a blast fired detonating furiously on the unfortunate archer. The archer dropper hard, his bow destroyed and his face and body bleeding and wounded in several places from the explosion. The blast may not have killed its target out right but the unfortunate elf certainly didn’t have long to live if he didn’t receive medical help soon (and he likely wouldn’t). The poor kid never had a chance.

Needless to say that nearly blowing a soldier to pieces usually didn’t go over well with said soldier’s comrades in arms, especially when those comrades were armed and at the event of their unfortunate brethren’s explosive demise. Naturally it was their duty to draw there weapons and rush at an opponent who with a single move had nearly destroyed their ally literally just seconds ago and it seemed these young soldiers weren’t the type to neglect such an important duty.

Both clearly inexperienced swordsmen rushed at the vampire, unsheathing their blades and swinging at the vampire in a predictable yet oddly synchronized downward chop. They were clearly trying to use their numbers to their advantage to overwhelm the far more experienced Tarry Whealer. This came as no real surprise to the blind swordsmen because so many others had used a similar strategy on him before.

The vampire’s movements were quick and fluid. Quickly with incredible speed and nearly unmatched grace the vampire drew his powerful, double edged, tungsten blade from its sheath in an upward arch, his strength allowing him to wield the giant blade with incredible easy and control even with one hand. The arch of the blade connected with the steel short swords of the vampire’s pointy-eared assailants effectively blocking the attack with ease.

Not wanting to waste any more time and effort than need be, the fanged assassin wasted no time in countering the attack and ending the life of yet another soldier for Raiaera’s grand army. With a quick maneuver the vampire latched both hands on the hilt of his blade. With one quick downward parry the deadly tungsten blade quickly slit the throat of one of the soldiers. The young elfin swordsman was dead before he hit the ground.

By now fear and realization must have hit home hard for the one remaining soldier. Splattered in the blood if his fallen comrade, the inexperienced warrior did what every muscle in his body must have been telling him to do at that moment. He ran.

“Amateurs,” snorted the vampire as he quickly cleaned the blood off the edge of his blade “damn shame they had to die. Ah well, its like the old saying goes; you live by the sword and you inevitably die by the sword.”

With those final words the vampire holstered his blade and turned around. Casually he walked in the same direction the other soldier had just run like a bat out of hell. In a few moments the bloodsucker would finally get to meet the agent from Najin.

[Cash]

There had been a few things lieutenant Vinadel was expecting when his soldier’s returned from there scouting mission, such as a report that there were no scorpions or a lot of scorpions, maybe even something completely out of the blue such as a band of orcs nearby or a group of bandits. What the lieutenant got upon the return of one of his soldiers was not anywhere near being remotely what he expected. One of the three young soldiers he had sent out returned alone, splattered in blood and absolutely scared out of his mind. The look upon the poor kids face was one of pure fright, like the kid had just run into the dark queen N’jal herself.

“Soldier what the hell happened out there, who did this and where are the other two elves I sent with you?” asked the lieutenant with incredible concern on his face and especially in his voice.

“Some blind guy, vampire, fucking powerful…” responded the soldier in a nervous, fast and shaky tone that indicated he still hadn’t gotten over what he had just witnessed.

“Okay, calm down. A blind man and a powerful vampire attacked you and the other elves, then what happened?”

“No, the blind man was a vampire. He attacked us. Killed both of the other elves,” responded the victimized soldier as he slowly calmed down and his voice and words became more controlled and less panicky.

“Alright, okay, a blind vampire attacked you. Was he crazed or was there a reason for him to attack and murder two perfectly good soldiers?” responded the lieutenant in a surprisingly calm manner that masked his anger and shock. He knew that if he let his emotions get out he might re-trigger a panic attack in the blood stained swordsman before him, a situation that would make it a lot harder to decipher exactly what happened.

“Well sir he might have been crazed but to be fair he was provoked. As you know this is a restricted area and when we warned him not to go further he refused to listen. Well Isahtar was just trying to follow protocol so he notched his bow, aimed it at the vampire and issued another warning to the creature that if he didn’t leave the area he would be shot. Well from that point on sir things went straight to hell. Apparently whatever business the vampire has down in this area was worth the lives of a few soldiers in his mind so he attacked. Scary to. I mean I’ve heard those creatures are supernaturally strong and have weird archaic abilities but I’ve never encountered one either. He killed Isathar and the swordsmen, Snitsky, with unnatural ease. He could have killed me to but for some reason I guess when I turned and ran he must have assumed I wasn’t worth the chase,” answered the soldier as his voice started to become panicked again “I know I shouldn’t have run but I’ve never experienced anything nearly as scary as one of those fanged creatures before. I’m sorry I was such a coward but…”

“Calm down, calm down,” responded the lieutenant reassuringly “I understand your reasons for running instead of fighting. From the way things sounds the vampire would have killed you to if you tried to fight. So don’t worry, you did the right thing. Look, take the day off you’ve been through a lot, I won’t make you drill or anything. Just go sit down or something and get your head back on straight. I’ll deal with the vampire, I’ve fought them before in Eluriand when the city was still infested, I know how to kill them.”

“Thank you sir,” said the soldier before moving towards the center of the camp.

Out loud and to himself the lieutenant mumbled, “Blind vampire, this sounds a lot like the lieutenant before me, the one that served under the late, great General Damon Kaosie. Whealer, Tarry Whealer, that was his name. Weird.”

From a few yards away Casha had stood unassumingly. She had listened to and observed the words that were spoken between the two soldiers. She had been close enough to hear everything including the lieutenant's mumblings about Tarry Whealer and it was those mumblings that scared her.

The Tarry Whealer she knew was said to have died in a failed assassination mission. Of course that was a big cover up so that lower ranking members of the government didn’t know what really happened (to the rest of the world on Najin, Tarry Whealer never really existed thanks to the government). She had found out what happened to her sister’s assassin, he had disappeared mysteriously. In the base of the organization where the assassin had vanished, teleportation technology, the same stuff that led to the teleportation technology Najin currently used, had been found. It dawned on Casha at that moment that Tarry might have disappeared because he was sent to another planet by an experiment from the terrorists. He had been sent to Althanas.

“No, its crazy.” thought the spy as she desperately tried to shake the thought out of her head “the Tarry Whealer from Najin was a human, not some sort of bloodsucking horror monster. This is just a coincidence. That’s all.”

Still the scary part was that the soldier had said the creature was coming for the camp so if the lieutenant failed to get rid of the creature, then Casha knew that one way or another she was going to find out for sure if her suspicions were true or not.

[grim137]

“Damn it another one. Figures the first thing that kid would do is run away and tell his commander of the evil monster that killed his friends. This is what I get for trying to be nice,” thought the pessimistic vampire as another soldier, this one riding a horse, approached him.

“You vampire, one of my men returned bloodied and scared and claiming that you not only disobeyed a direct order from a Tel Aglarim soldier but you assaulted all three of them and killed two of them. What have you to say in your defense?” commanded the soldier.

“I can see by the insignia engraved in that shiny steel armor of yours that you’re a lieutenant. Well lieutenant you see I have some very important business I have to deal with and your men were in my way. They did an admirable thing by warning me of impending danger of the orc menace but when I tried to assure them that I was capable of taking care of my self they not only doubted my ability which is understandable but the archer threatened my life. So in the interest of self-defense I simply decided to uh, how should I say, put their doubts to rest. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your men and any sorrows it may have caused but unfortunately due to the circumstances it was unavoidable. Now sir if I may be on my way so that we can avoid any more unnecessary incidents such as that,” responded Tarry in a way that was strikingly business like given the subject matter. Yet as he attempted to continue on his way the horse-riding lieutenant once again cut him off.

“Your story is intriguing bloodsucker, though no business could possibly be worth the life of two fine soldiers such as the ones that died at your hands. Yet if I may ask what is your business that you would be willing to risk execution by law?” asked the obviously self-important soldier.

“If you must know there is a young human girl I must meet up with. In fact I believe she may be in your company. However beyond that I’m afraid cannot divulge more information. Now may I be on my way?”

“Once again I’m afraid you business is violation of the law. You see the women you seek, Casha, was found at the site of a dangerous band of orcs. As such she has been placed under the protection of the Tel Aglarim until she can be taken back to either Anebrilith or Eluriand. Further more for the murder of two soldiers and failure to comply with orders from a soldier you are under arrest. Lay all your weapons at your feet and comply without resistance and your life may be spared bloodsucker,” responded the commander once again with a regal and official tone that served to further annoy the blind vampire.

“Son of a bitch, I forgot how annoyingly persistent these damn elfish soldiers can be.”

“In that case I’m sorry but you will have to suffer the same fate as your men. The women’s importance to me is far too great for me to be denied. I hope when you reach the after life you will learn to forgive me. Hopefully the gods will grant you such an ability.”

It was with those final words spoken from his lips that Tarry drew his blade. The vampire had served in the Tel Aglarim in the same position as the swordsmen before him so it wasn’t like he didn’t know what to expect when somebody spoke words as defiant as his. He knew there would be a fight that would lead to somebody’s death, though he doubted it would be his.

[Cash]

((Since both characters are owned and operated by me all bunnying from this point on his of course approved.))

Silently from behind a large rock a few yards away Casha observed the two warriors. Her curiosity over the one known as Tarry Whealer on this strange planet had overcome her and she had followed the Tel Aglarim lieutenant. Following Vinadel hadn’t been hard. The high elf had traveled at a rather slow trot on his horse and the horse’s hooves kicked up enough dirt and made just enough noise on the rocky ground to allow Casha to go unnoticed.

Despite her interest when the conversation came between the vampire and the elf most of the words were lost to her. One look at the Tarry Whealer of Najin and her mind was captivated. Not in the way that a young teenage school girl might become captivated when seeing a cute guy, far from it in fact, but more in the way that a scientist or a detective might become captivated upon making a startling yet interesting discovery.

There was no mistaking it. The similarities between the Tarry of Najin and the Tarry of Althanas were far too numerous for them not to be the same person. The sword, the clothing choice, the bandages around the eyes, even the hair color and height from what the spy could remember of Tarry were all the same. Yet there were still some key differences. This Tarry seemed darker, more animalistic almost. His hair was unkempt, his skin dirty, and his muscles were a lot more toned that the spy remembered. He also had two large fangs like some sort of horror movie monster.

“Weird. This is definitely the same guy but he seems so different. Like he’s not as human as he once was which is ridiculous.”

Clang!

The loud sound of metal hitting metal quickly knocked the female spy out of her thoughts and back into reality and she immediately noticed that Tarry and Vinadel had engaged in a battle. Their swords had just clashed and the fight was now on.

The quick fight between the two that lasted for all of maybe 15 seconds was hardly what Casha had expected. She had expected a movie style fight where the warriors clash swords for several minutes going back and forth until one finally dies a valiant death. What she got was a quick fight between two trained warriors who wanted nothing more in the fight than to simply kill their opponent as quickly as possible and that was exactly what happened.

Tarry parried the blade of the elf and quickly followed up with a sword thrust that impaled the elf through his throat. The smell of blood filled the air but was spread out a kept at bay by the breeze and the salt from the sea that it seemed to carry. Instead Casha was now far more interested in Tarry who had proven in the brief fight that he was indeed stronger than he used to be, unnaturally so in fact.

However the spy’s curiosity and interest soon morphed into fear as the monster that was Tarry Whealer quickly turned and started heading straight for her.

[grim137]

“And to think that he could have avoided death had he just handed the women over to me. Seems like logic never prevails over some pathetic sense of duty in the minds of these pointy-eared morons,” thought Tarry with slight disgust as he drew his blade out of the former lieutenant’s body.

It was at about that moment that the spirit sense of the vampire detected his target not more than a few yards away. The mood of the blind vampire instantly became much lighter as now not only would he not have to really travel any farther to catch her but also he wouldn’t have to deal with any other Tel Aglarim soldiers to get to her. It seemed as though things were finally starting to go his way.

Predictably the woman became frightened and tried to run. Yet in her panic she apparently lacked grace and ended up tripping over her own feet and thus feel hard onto the dirty ground, kicking up all sorts of dust in the process. The vampire was next to her in a heartbeat, his enhanced speed easily covering the short distance between them in a second or two.

His next movements were quick and fluid. First he pinned her down by the throat with his left had, squeezing tight enough that she was still able to breath yet still hard enough to keep her panicked and struggling body firmly pinned to the ground. Quickly the blind vampire disarmed her of her knife and the communicator, throwing both items to the ground well out of her reach.

After successfully disarming her, the fanged creature got off of the girl’s frail body and instead quickly drew his blade and pointed at her throat. Though Tarry didn’t sense anything special about her with his spirit sense, the fact that she was from Najin was enough set off numerous bells and whistles off in his head. If it wasn’t he wouldn’t have accepted Do’negh’s gift nor would he have bothered to track her down even after receiving the gift.

“Get up,” commanded the vampire. When the scared female hesitated for a moment he quickly added, “get up now or I’ll have you die like the lieutenant.”

With that command the nervous young spy got to her feet on wobbly knees before backing herself into a large rock. As soon as she was standing still again the bloodsucker that was Tarry Whealer continued talking.

“Now tell me who are you and more importantly why is an agent from Najin on Althanas?”

[Cash]

Casha couldn’t remember the last time she had been so scared for her well being. If she had ever felt such a fear before it must have been during The Great War on Najin. The thought that Tarry might not have been exactly been human had been entertained with his merciless killing of lieutenant Grevno Vinadel and was quickly confirmed when the monster advanced upon her.

The spy struggled with fear and desperation but the monster that was Tarry Whealer held her down easily with his great, unnatural strength. This fact only further enhanced the fear that was now coursing through Casha’s system. Luckily it turned out he had not intention of killing or raping her as she had expected instead he simply held her at sword point and told her get up. The fear in her mind had weakened her legs, but the monster’s next threat quickly remedied that little problem and she nervously got up and backed herself against a rock.

“My name’s Casha Via and…”

“Wait, did you just say your last name was Via?” asked the blind assassin, interrupting the young spy.

The words struck a chord with Casha. The way this Tarry reacted to her last name completely and utterly erased any and all doubt she had in her mind that the Tarry Whealer of Althanas was the same as the Tarry Whealer of Najin, the very same bastard who had betrayed and murdered her sister. As these old and normally suppressed memories entered her mind, she felt the fear give way to anger and spunk and she decided to respond.

“Yeah, Via as in the sister of Jill Via, the operative that you murd...”

And just like that the fear was back in her mind. Tarry hadn’t taken kindly to the beginning of her tirade and he had once again interrupted her. This time the former Najin assassin’s interruption came in the form of a hard backhand across the face that sent the spy reeling hard into the ground, clutching her right eye, which almost instantly began to swell up.

The young and once again panicked spy quickly turned over on her back so that she could see her dangerous assailant. Yet before she could scurry away again she was predictably stopped by a very angry Tarry Whealer. The monster’s boot pressed hard against her diaphragm making it hard for her to breath and pressing her painfully against the filthy ground.

“The next time you say those words to me again I will personally carve the tongue out of your head,” said Tarry, practically spitting out the words “you know nothing of my relationship with your sister so don’t you dare pretend you do. I should kill you, the government and people of Najin are a plague, I should know, I used to be one of the worst ones. Still out of respect for your sister I’ll let you live, give you the same kind of chance I once had, a chance to redeem yourself.”

What happened next would be forever ingrained in Casha’s memory. From Tarry’s hand a ball of deadly energy formed, the likes of which Casha had never seen. She assumed it was some sort of magic like the kind lieutenant Vinadel had showed her. Both fear and fascination filled her eyes, though what happened next would break her heart. Mr. Whealer released the fearsome orb of energy from his hand. The pulsating mass of energy flew effortlessly through the air smashing into Casha’s electronic recorder. There was a large explosion that kicked up dust and when it all cleared the once expensive piece of high tech equipment was no more than a bunch of useless, shattered and smoking parts.

In one single instant Tarry Whealer had just stranded her on Althanas.

[grim137]

“She should be thankful. If it wasn’t for her sister that bitch would be a bloodied corpse right now,” thought the vampire as he walked away, the sounds of Casha’s crying in the background ringing softly in his ears.

The conversation he had just gone through with the girl left him in a foul mood as it had reminded of Casha’s sister, the former operative Jill Via. The memories of her had left him racked with guilt as it brought forth from him a lot of things; anger, depression, sorrow, but mostly regret. The memory of their last moments together, when he had shot her twice in the back of the head played through his mind constantly looping.

“This is my payment to her. By letting her sister live, I’m repaying her for her assassination. Besides I have nothing to be ashamed of. It was her fault for being a traitor, I was simply doing my job when I killed her.”

These and many other such thoughts did nothing to ease the vampire’s mind. Even after several hours of walking had placed him in the port city of Anebrilith. Tarry could feel the hot sun of Raiaera fleeting off his skin now. The sun was just beginning to set, leaving Tarry in its pink and orange glow. The blind one had heard stories of how the magic in Raiaera was amplified during this brief time a day to the point it actually shimmered in the air.

Oddly enough, despite never having actually seen Raiaera (or any part of Althanas) such thoughts actually began to calm the troubled bloodsucker down. Rather or not it was actually because of said magic in the air or if it was simply because of the way his mind worked was certainly up for debate. Though to him, it didn’t particularly matter.

“So how’d it go with the Najin agent?” Came the ever so familiar voice of Do’negh once again. The demented drow seemed to have the uncanny ability to show up at just the wrong times when it came to Tarry Whealer.

“Déjà fucking vu…”

“Don’t worry about it,” responded the blind vampire, pushing passed his robed tormentor.

The necromancer didn’t respond, merely chuckling letting the vampire walk on by. In his thoughts Tarry didn’t even notice that Do’negh was headed in a direction straight towards where he had last seen Casha. It didn’t matter his business was done in Raiaera he just wanted to leave. The place was bringing back memories of Najin, memories Tarry hoped he could push back into his mind where they wouldn’t bother them, where they hopefully stay for the rest of his immortal life.

[Cash]

It took a long time for Casha to stop crying though how long she didn’t quite know. The shock of being stranded on Althanas, a primitive planet that she knew almost nothing about was just too much for her to deal with. She couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe. She kept trying to will herself to wake up like she was just having a bad dream; she kept trying to will the previous events to have never happened, to still be with Lieutenant Vinadel whom she had liked.

Yet it was all for naught. The events had happened. Tarry Whealer had stranded her on Althanas and there was nothing she could do about it. By the time she was able to gain her composure and wipe the tears away from her eyes Raiaera’s sun had set. The air was now cold and a chilly wind began to blow from the sea. The nighttime brought another problem to Casha, one that she would need to solve in order to live long enough to deal with being stranded on Althanas.

Casha was in very unfamiliar territory. As far as she knew she was stranded in the middle of nowhere. She had no food, no water and there was no telling what sort of strange and deadly beasts liked to lurk the lands of Althanas when the sun left the sky. To make things worse Casha was completely alone and didn’t know a damn thing about wilderness survival. The technological world of Najin had not exactly prepared Casha for surviving in the wilderness of Althanas.

“Well Tarry went that way I think, so there must be something in that direction.”

With seemingly no other option the young spy got up and began walking in the same direction she had seen her sister’s assassin walk several moments earlier while she was crying. Inwardly she hoped and prayed that there was something in the direction she was heading or that she was even heading in the right direction. The idea of being stranded in the wilderness alone was an increasingly scary thought in her mind, but it was one that seemed to become more and more real.

The young spy stopped only briefly to take one last look at the body of the dead lieutenant. The sight of his cold, lifeless body almost brought the emotional spy to tears again. She had considered him a friend and the sight of his body laying on the filthy ground covered in flies and dried blood troubled her. He had been a polite and honorable creature and deserved better than to be murdered like some worthless animal.

It was at that moment that a sudden harsh burst of wind swept across the area and Casha noticed something get blown out of the lieutenant’s coat pocket. The red headed lass moved quickly to pick it up before the wind could carry it any further. For some reason she had a feeling that the object was important somehow.

Once Casha quickly got a hold of the item she quickly held it in the moonlight to see what it was. The item in question was a letter, sealed tightly in an envelope with a wax seal that was marked with the Tel Aglarim insignia. The writings on the front of the envelope indicated that it was addressed to the high bard council and that it was of high importance. The red head from another world decided that she would deliver the letter. After all, it was the least she could do for the late Lieutenant Grevno Vinadel.

[Cash]

After several minutes of walking, the cold night air and the long stressful day began to catch up with Casha. It started with the yawns, which were starting to come in more frequent intervals. Her head and eyelids now felt heavy and every time she blinked her eyes seemed to stay closed longer and longer.

She couldn’t go on, she had no idea where she was or where the nearest town was. Once again despair started to sink in and the idea of just giving up and letting sleep claim her started to become more and more inviting. Yet a sort of primal fear kept her awake. Fear of the unknown, fear of being lost, fear of what might be lurking in out the wilderness of the strange lands of Althanas.

“Good your alive, I thought that monster Tarry had done you in.”

At first Casha though she was hearing things, that the voice she had just heard was an audible illusion cast on her by the sandman. Yet when she looked up she was startled to see a dark skinned elf, clad in white robes. The red haired spy jumped back startled and scared by the sudden appearance of the figure.

“My dear, don’t be frightened, I mean you no harm. In fact I’ve come to make sure you’re okay,” said the strange elf extending his hand.

“Who are you and why do you want to help me?” said the suspicious spy, not accepting the dark elf’s hand, at least not yet.

“Oh right, let me introduce my self. My name’s Do’negh Verameshi. I was tracking my former apprentice, Tarry, through magical means and I noticed that monster came into contact with you so naturally I feared for your safety.”

“Thanks I guess,” responded the female from another world as she now accepted his hand. She failed to realize that perhaps fatigue was inhibiting her judgment a bit.

“Your welcome. Now come along, I’ll take you to the city.” With those words the dark shadow engulfed the two figures and when it released them, they were standing in the middle of Anebrilith in front of a fancy looking place in called Varistan Inn.

With sleep clouding her brain the ignorant female followed the villainous drow into the inn. She barely noticed how nice, well kept and extravagantly decorated the lobby of the hotel was. The brief exchange of words between Do’negh and the clerk who seemed to give him the evil eye also failed to reach her ears; her tiredness muffling all sounds that weren’t immediately important to her.

Yet when Do’negh grabbed her hand lightly, subtly pulling in a way that meant she was supposed to come with him she followed. He led her into a very large, expensive hotel room on the ground floor. One of the sweets, she assumed, it didn’t matter.

When Do’negh released her hand she immediately moved over to the large king sized bed and laid down. She took a second to put Vinadel’s letter on the wooden nightstand besides the bed so that she wouldn’t lose it before closing her eyes. She fell asleep instantly.

[grim137]

Do’negh smiled as the alien went to sleep, his eyes never leaving the letter that she placed on the nightstand. He loved it when a plan came together so perfectly, neither she nor Whealer expected anything. Yet he had manipulated them both, hell he had even managed to get the arrogant vampire Tarry to do some of his dirty work for him by killing that bothersome lieutenant.

“That arrogant fool Tarry probably thinks he’s got me figured out. Yet he doesn’t seem to realize that just because he no longer serves me directly doesn't mean that he’s stopped doing some of my dirty work,” thought the devilish drow as he took the letter off the table.

Silently, so as not to disturb the sleeping Casha, he opened the letter to see its contents. Of course he already had an idea of what the letter said, otherwise he would not have bothered have to retrieve it. Yet the minds of those damned high elves intrigued him and he liked to see what those golden skin bastards really knew.


To the High Bard Council,

I have discovered something regarding the Obsidian Tower. Due to the nature and importance of this information I cannot offer more information than this in this letter lest somebody should somehow read the contents of this letter before you do. I must speak with you at once. Once again I cannot stress to you enough how important this is, please respond as soon as you possibly can.

Signed,

Lieutenant Grevno Vinadel of the Tel Aglarim

“What a shame. It seems the lieutenant took his secrets to the grave,” thought the tattooed dark elf as he tore up the letter before dumping it into the waist basket.

With his business done he teleported away satisfied, knowing that his plan had gone so perfectly. Casha now trusted him and thought he was on her side, and Tarry had just done so much of his dirty work yet didn’t suspect a goddamn thing. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that he had played them both like puppets on a string.

((Spoils: Upgrade to spirit sense: This was Do'negh's dark gift. Tarry's spirit sense now has a secondary feature. By focusing all his concentration Tarry can locate a life force from anywhere on the planet. To do this Tarry must concentrate for at least 30 seconds and maintain his intense concentration to keep tracking the target. Because of the intense concentration required Tarry is unable to concentrate on anything else while using this function. If his concentration is broken he must concentrate again for 30 seconds re-find the target. Despite the heavy amount of concentration required to use this ability it is not draining and as such Tarry can use this ability an infinite number of times.))

[Witchblade]

Story

Continuity: - 4 This section of a judging deals with why a particular thread is taking place, be it character development, a pretty new toy to swing around or a new ability. Frankly, I’m not really too sure what this thread was about. At first it appeared to be some kind of introduction with your new character, who ties into your old character and is now in the hands of Tarry’s enemy, or sort of enemy, basically the guy he just doesn’t like very much. However, at the end some kind of side story is introduced through this letter that Casha takes off the Tel Aglarim guy, not to mention at the beginning of the thread is this thing dealing with the Serenti, which is never mentioned again. I actually thought Tarry was going to do something to atone for what he did to Tobias, apparently not.

This area could have used some organization or even a little bit of stretching out. Girl crash lands in Althanas and moments after this some dude already knows she’s here. He is then able to convince a bunch of Orcs to kidnap her then quickly track down and tell Tarry, who is able to get to Raiaera rather fast and track her down to slap her around a bit. I’m sure there’s a quest coming up after this one to do more with whatever this is, but I think this needed to be thought out and organized a little more. Either that or perhaps you could have turned it into a longer quest with more in depth character development. As it was, there was just a lot of emotional trauma and baggage that went and lead nowhere.

Setting: - 7 Setting was actually done rather nicely. The description of The Red Forest was very vivid and I especially liked the description in Tarry’s first post where every sound the storm is making is him killing this kid and regretting everything about it. It was a very emotional environmental description, which you don’t see too often and it was very well done. Later on in the story though, the descriptions did wane and you just got out of the habit I think of describing the things around you, probably because you were writing with yourself. Just remember, the next time you do a solo like this it is going to read by others, so even if you know what it looks like still describe it in detail for us!

Also keep in mind that setting is not a canvas on which you paint a story but a world in which you act a story. Try to interact a little more with the things around you. When Casha was in the forest with Vinadel you could have had them talking around a nice little fire or something, sitting on logs. I’m not sure if that really would have fit into the story, but remember, characters can’t be standing there stoically; they need to move and to interact with those around and the things around them.

Pacing: - 4 This really ties into my statement on Continuity already because I’m not sure of the goal of this particular thread whether or not it was pulled off successfully comes into question. To have made this a character development thread there would have to be some kind of character development and I didn’t really see any here. A lot of regret and depression on the part of Tarry and a lot of something on the part of this random chick who somehow ends up in Althanas. I know you gave reference to some teleportation technology throughout the quest, by why is she being sent to Althanas? Is she there as a scout to gather some kind of information or as a scientist? Clearly it’s not as revenge on Tarry because she thought him already dead.

Pacing and Continuity tie in together because Continuity asks why and pacing asks how. If you don’t have the ‘why’ of the thread then you can’t really have the ‘how’. I just think you need to think through some of your storylines more thoroughly before you jump into turning them into a thread, that way you can get the most out of the character interactment. This could have been a deeper quest with some interesting plot twists in it if Casha and Tarry had stayed together longer and had an actual conversation besides Tarry just slapping her around and threatening her livelihood.

Character

Dialogue: - 5 I always thought Tarry was more of a crazy, unstable, psychopathic character, but in this thread he shows a calmer more reasonable and understanding side of his nature in his speech that I thought was rather uncharacteristic. He was able to just stand there and politely ask the guards to let him by in a long-winded paragraph that I wouldn’t think the unstable vampire capable of making. I remember judging a quest with him in it where he was a paranoid freak and in this one he seems just a little too calm to me in some of his mannerisms and I didn’t see a reason for him to be calm like this. I’m not docking a lot of points for this because for all I know there could be character reasons for him to be like that, but if not, if you just did that for the sake of the quest be careful to keep your characters within character.

Dialogue also pertains to smaller NPC characters like Vinadel. This is a lieutenant in the Tel Aglarim army and you’ve got him talking to some random strange woman he found in the forest about army strategies and procedures. I really don’t see a military man doing something like that. Histories of the land, and some battles, sure why not, but not military techniques. For all he knows he could be giving lessons to his enemy. Now moving on to the whole conversation Vinadel had with one of his little lackey soldiers. Hell and fucking are not words that I could see elves using, they would most likely swear in their native tongue, not common, if they even swore at all.

“I understand your reasons for running instead of fighting. From the way things sound the vampire would have killed you to if you tried to fight. So don’t worry, you did the right thing. Look, take the day off, you’ve been through a lot, I won’t make you drill or anything. Just go sit down or something and get your head on straight. I’ll deal with the vampire, I’ve fought them before in Eluriand when the city was still infested, I know how to kill them.”

Now, tell me, does that sound like something a Lieutenant would say to a soldier under his command who just ran away from battle, even if he had good cause. No, he’d be strict and firm with the soldier, not coddle him like he’s a baby. “Go get yourself cleaned up and rest for the remainder of the day.” That’s all he has to say, not ‘you did the right thing.’ I don’t think any commanding officer would say something like that to a soldier who turned tail and ran.

Action: - 7 The actions of the characters seemed characteristic enough to their own personalities, even if I think there were some discrepancies with the way they talked. The battle with the Lieutenant was extremely fast and over in like no time. I’m pretty sure that swords fights in real life would not be how Hollywood depicts them in movies to a certain extent. If two skills fighters are going against one another in an all out fight trying to kill each other I don’t think it would only take 15 seconds for one of them to die. Vinadel would have to be skilled in the use of a sword and probably wouldn’t make such a mistake as to leave himself so open against a vampire, which he has clearly stated to have fought and killed before. I’m not saying that you can’t kill an NPC’s in a 15 second battle, I’m just saying for someone who was bragging about his skills he sure did die fast. And if he was just bragging and his skills weren’t that great, mention that somewhere.

Persona: - 6 There was a lot of emotion throughout this quest, from both Casha and Tarry. For the psychopathic, unbalanced vampire, Tarry’s emotions seemed right on the ball in the beginning of the thread, with him extremely upset and distraught over the murder of Tobias. These emotions of self-pity continue on throughout the entire quest with Tarry and not just about Tobias either. After a while the reader grows tired of hearing about it and loses all empathy towards the character and he becomes annoying in his self-pitying ways. Each post on its own was good and filled with good emotional descriptions, but on the whole the reader can very easily just get tired of hearing about it.

Casha seemed like a very strong willed character in the beginning of the quest, tough, someone who thinks she can take care of herself. However, for someone who thinks that she certainly gets scared rather quickly when approached by Tarry. You’d think she’d mask her fear around anger or something else. I’m not mentioning the Orc thing because I’m pretty sure almost anyone not native to Althanas would be scared shitless surrounded by those guys. Casha’s crying was another thing that caught me off guard. Yeah, she’s stuck here in Althanas, stranded by one Tarry Whealer and the only thing she does about it is break down crying? She doesn’t go after him, curse him, or anything like that she just starts crying. Maybe I read her wrong in the beginning of the thread, but she seemed like a tougher character than that.

Writing Style

Mechanics: - 7 You have a good grasp of the English language, but you need to read over your posts before you post them. There were quite a few times when I was reading through something and noticed words missing. Usually they were just simple ones like ‘the’ and ‘it’. Though it happens and it’s not something Word always catches try to keep your eye out for it because it disrupts the flow of a post. You also have a penchant for run on sentences. I didn’t notice them too much until I read some posts a second time through, mostly because they flow rather nicely so they don’t stick out, however that doesn’t mean you should keep doing them.

‘The malice and hatred that the vampire felt for Do’negh showed clearly on his face and was only amplified by the dirty rain water that cascaded down the top of his head and by the bright flashes of lightning that illuminated that violent and stormy night time sky.’

There are too many ‘ands’ in this sentence. This only takes one simple thing to fix it up, when you put it ‘and was only amplified’ you’re implying there’s only one thing making him look at this guy with more hatred. So to fix that all you could have to do is remove ‘and was only’ and put in an apostrophe. ‘The malice and hatred that the vampire felt for Do’negh showed on his face, amplified by the dirty rain water…’

Technique: - 7 Intentionally or not, there was a little bit of symbolism in the location that Casha ended up being teleported to, The Red Forest, with a canopy the colour of blood. It painted a nice backdrop for the story that unfolded and just perhaps gave a little bit of foreshadowing to what was going to come. Though to be honest, there wasn’t really much bloodshed in this quest.

Clarity: - 7 Despite the fact that I’m not really sure what the point of this quest was, it read well, the flow wasn’t too bad though it seemed a little fast and you used easy to follow language, which is what this is all about.

Wild Card: - 6 ‘Twas an odd quest, but I’m sure you know where it’s going. Shame you didn’t let the reader in on it a little bit.

Total: 60

Rewards:

Grim receives 1000 experience and 250 GP!
Cash receives 350 experience and 250 GP!

Grim also receives the upgrade to his spirit sense ability. Due to the concentration that is required to use this ability Tarry will not be able to move very much, if at all or this will break his concentration.

[Cyrus the virus]

EXP Added!