An Accident (Open to anyone)

[Yukina]

Yuki made her way to a rather mediocre establishment. She walked down a hall and met a monk. He asked her, "If you wish to fight, then it is within here you must do so." and he pointed her to a black iron gate. She hesitantly walked towards it and reached a hand out to touch it. The monk turned to her. She touched it and it swung open and pulled her in, "Huh?...Wha--- AHHHH!!!!" She screamed and the wind drew her in. He smirked and muttered, "But one can not leave until one is victorious." She was falling, through a white light, and landed on a platform. She could not move.

A voice in her head was ringing, Choose your arena. She looked all around her, well, as much as she could look without turning her head. She said aloud "Well, I guess that's what I get for being all too curious..." She looked around. "Fine, I chose...!" She closed her eyes and the area around her became a silver dome, there was no seeing what was outside it, each piece of the dome was seperated into hexagon shaped pieces of whatever it was made of, apparently not glass. The ground became made of yellow, and white runes were inscribed all over the floor, no telling what they specifically were, but they were random runes.

"This is... the place where---" She stopped and heard the same voice. Once another person queues for a match... You will meet your...Opponent. There was heavy emphasis on the word opponent. "So, I have to fight... I'd rather not, but I don't have a choice! Maybe this'll be fun..." She almost hit herself. Did I actually just say that? No, am I actually THINKING about saying that?... I can't believe something like that makes me feel so... awkward. She walked around the edges of the arena and felt the glass edges, she looked up but at the top was nothing but a bright white light. I shouldn't need to unsheath my wings, not now, no particular need... It may even give me and ace in the hole...

She immediately got extremely tense, as she heard footsteps. Ready!

And a white light brought in her opponent. She took a step back.

[Winterhair]

Armed with a massive hangover and his serrated nodachi, the man that called himself Vincent Winterscar listened to the smaller man's offer. The swordsman was not in a good mood. It had had been a purely shitty week so far, and it hadn't shown any sign of getting any better.
He had been sitting down, trying to drink away his hangover or either collapse, when this fellow had come in to the tavern and looked around while glancing at his wrist repeatedly.

Just him coming into the tavern had been a funny sight. He was totally alien in the enviornment, a black spot on a white shirt. The tavern was mostly made up of warrior stereotypes. Huge, over sized men with bulky armor, giant axes, and blades that made Vincent look small. And of course, their women, dainty damsels that oohed and aahed at the way they flexed their muscles.
But then this man walks in, with a slip of paper in one hand and a briefcase in the other while dressed in tuxedo. Of course, Vincent knew neither what a tuxedo nor a briefcase was, only that this man was different that the rest of the barbarian imitators the room provided.

However, his initial interest in the weasel-faced man soon faded when he came to Vincent, saying he had a "business proposition".
Vincent had told him either he used real words or to get the fuck out of his face.
And so the man told him what he wanted to hear.
"I have a job offer for you."

Those seven words sparked a dim realization in Vincent's alcohol numbed brain. He was near broke. Staying at taverns, drinking it up with lady friends, losing bets, and just sustaining oneself had basically robbed him of whatever wealth he had, leaving him a hungover, pissed off swordsman with almost no money to shake a werecat at.

And so, Vincent listened.
------------------------------------------------------------------

The Citadel.
Vincent didn't know whether to take the place in itself as either a benefit or an insult to fighting men like he. On one hand, one could fight as long as they liked, against any one they wished, for the monks here would just patch you up back to perfection and send you on your merry (or not so merry) way. On the other, the thought that he could not actually KILL the opponent made his blood heat.
In any case, here he was, standing before the giant building with his hangover gone and the wind blowing through his long white hair. He stared at the building for several moments before advancing, his hand on the hilt of his nodachi.

A monk approached him without a single moment's delay. They were experienced at telling what people were here for, and it was obvious what Vincent's was. Like 98 percent of all who came, he was here for blood.
The monk was young. Not so young as Vincent would call him a child, but young enough to see he was inexperienced and new to this line of work. Feeling strangely sympathetic, Vincent waved a hand at the approaching monk to stop. "I've been here before. I don't need your help." He said in a gravelly voice, soft but deadly, as he reached out before him and touched a door.

Soft white light enveloped him, and Vincent immediately tensed as he remembered the weasel-faced man's words. "You are to kill an angel..."
In truth, Vincent had accepted the job more out of curiousity than necessity. He had never fought such a supernatural being before, and the idea of it sent a thrill through his blood that was inhuman.

And so he stepped forth with an insane smile upon his lips, his silver eyes swirling excitedly as he immediately drew his blade forth with a thin rasp as it exited its bone sheath, the five foot long saw-like edge gleaming in the unnatural light of the arena. The arena itself was a strange dome of sorts with hexagon shapes and runes everywhere. But thats not what the swordsman was paying attention to.

His eyes were focused on the being before him. They searched her body, her tenseness, her stance, her body. He examined her as a predator might examine its prey.

"So..." He spoke and spat on the ground, throughly disgusted with what he saw. "I travel all the way to Radasanth, expecting a decent fight, when all I get is a little girl. Well, c'mon angel..." His voice was laced with irritation as he pointed his blade at her and stared her down. "...lets get this over with."

[Yukina]

Yuki took but one step ahead, not looking anywhere, eyes intent on the large man that had just entered her domain. "This is my world." Her wings spread and her eyes became pure white, she took to the sky as fast as she could and circled him. She stopped behind him and removed her sword from her belt and gave it as much energy as possible. "Judgement!" White light drew a rune below his feet, but she payed no attention.

Now I wait, shouldn't be too long before judgement takes its effect...

"Pearl!" She threw a ball of small light at the man then charged right after it with her blade.

[Winterhair]

Vincent watched as the "angel" flew around him like an annoying, buzzing fly. Like most things these days, it pissed him off. He was a direct fighter: blood to blood, hand to hand, muzzle to muzzle. Any other form of combat usually just annoyed the hell out of him and he finished them in one blow, just to get the hell out of there.
Here was a foe he couldn't just swat, though, even though he knew if he got his hands around her jugular he could easily just crush her windpipe and that would be that. It was getting to that stage it seemed he would have some trouble with. All she seemed to be doing was flying around, watching him. If she was trying to impress the swordsman, she was doing a goddamn poor job.

Suddenly she stopped moving, and Vincent was just about to take advantage of this fact when suddenly she drew the the blade at her belt and shouted "Judgement!" Bright white light erupted from his feet. The swordsman looked down in mild surprise and immediately a shiver of apprehension went down his spine. He had no idea what the rune at his feet meant, but from his own warrior's instinct he knew it couldn't be anything good.

"Pearl!" He looked up just as the angel, her eyes completely white now, launched a single ball of light from her hand and immediately chased after it by beating her wings furiously and pointing her sword forward in an obvious attempt to impale her opponent upon it. Pathetic. Vincent thought to himself as he quickly went over what his opponent had done in the last five seconds. Now, he wasn't much of a thinker: he mainly used his sword and size to do his 'thinking' for him. But there were times when blade and body were not enough, and he had suffered through enough of those to gain some experience from them.

And so, he did what he had done all those other times: he stayed calm. And without a moment's hesitation, Vincent sidestepped out of the rune and dodged the "pearl" attack altogether, just as a huge pillar of light crashed down a moment later where he had been standing. Reaching out, he grabbed a handful of the angel's purple dress at the point below her breasts and grinned maliciously into her face as he felt her blade slide into his ribs. "Surprise..." he growled, before taking his own blade and swinging it at her neck.

[Yukina]

She was quickly in a hold that could've easily meant an instant death, if this were a more life-or-death scenario, but for now, she did the first thing that came to mind when a sword was being swung at your neck. "Holy Barrier!" She held her had as erect as possible and a crystalline shield surrounded her. "Were you expecting an easy job?" The attack did break the shield, as expected however, now the shattered pieces of the barrier shattered, like glass, she used the slight recoil to escape.
I may have to actually think about this one.

"You're good." And those two words were all she needed. He has a very powerful armor, I could use piercing shot... however this warrior seems a little faster then what I would usually deal with...What do I have that's an okay tactic... At this point she was toggling from hovering in midair at a far distance, to slowly circling the room. Time to get on with it... Yuki snapped her fingers. Combo Four... Yuki flew to the top of the room and drew her bow "Piercing Shot!" She sent an arrow of piercing light stright down towards the head of her opponent. She then went down and to the back of her opponent as fast as possible. She removed a dagger with a blade of light on it, she drew a symbol in the air and opened a white book with a blue lace hanging from it. She shouted "I summon thee... Come! Fairy!" Just then a small little girl with blonde hair and a green dress who looked extremely frail appeared before Yuki, she called out "Time Pause!" The fairy disappeared, but the arrow also froze. It should unfreeze within the next five minutes... I don't know when... but it may be my ace in the hole...

Yuki landed and pointed her blade at her foe.

"Any second thoughts?"

[Winterhair]

She blocked his blade with some magical light again, and he smiled grimly at her persistence to live. The impact his long sword made upon the "shield" must have been greater than he expected however, and it soon shattered like glass, surprising Vincent momentarily and making him release his hold on the girl's purple dress, whereupon she flew away and took advantage of his distraction. Shit. He swore mentally at his mistake, and snarled in anger as he grasped the hilt of the angel's forgotten blade and pulled the sword of light out of him. "Hey, you forgot this." He sneered and tossed the blade aside to the ground, but it appeared as if the angel was not listening. Instead, she wasted no time in flying about the room like a bee again, and the flap of her wings was giving Vincent a dull headache. Little piece of shit. Thinks she can escape me? A snarl curled on his lip again. He was growing tired already of this little exchange and the angel's own arrogance was pissing him off. "Come and fini-"

But before he could finish his sentence, the girl flew to the top of the room with dazzling speed and immediately shot an arrow down at Vincent's head. He was just about to side step it again when the angel continued moving and flew behind Vincent. "What the hell...." He managed to say before time simply stopped.

Literally, it stopped.

Vincent was frozen. He could not move an inch. And yet the angel seemed to be able to move quite fine as she strode around, picked up her blade and pointed it at Vincent gloatingly, saying in a sweet and infuriating voice, "Any second thoughts?"

But as soon as the spell began, it seemed to end, and Vincent immediately felt the weights of the spell lift off him. "None." He snarled before reaching out and grabbing the blade again with his free hand, his bone sheath long forgotten. A heavy THUNK! sounded out as the arrow she had shot embedded itself in his shoulder, but the pain was so minimal that he could barely feel it amongst the rage that now was awakening. How dare she try and hold him down.
How dare she.
He pulled her closer by her blade while stabbing at her face with his own nodachi, the very movement of his strength causing blood to run down his hands and down her blade. He ignored it, focused on one thing and one thing only: to kill the one person who dared try and "cage" him.

[Yukina]

Yuki was pulled in and just as quickly, took a wound that she was unfamiliar with. Well, that's not good, and my fourth combo didn't work, I need some sort of plan... She withdrew her sword and held it by her. She immediately pushed at him with her wings, going so far back she hit the wall, then the floor, with a thunk. there was a horizontal line across her forhead, the bleeding was coming quickly, so she did the first thing that came to mind. "Healing Light!" She called, however it merely stopped the bleeding, the scar was still there, like a scab, it didn't bleed, almost like the cut was opened the time around it frozed, it simply refused to bleed at this point.

I can't afford to make anymore mistakes... This guy's good, and appearently, I don't want to get too close...I'll take a precaution...

"Holy Shield!" she called, and the all too familiar shield appeared around her. She then gave her wings a great beat, and, clinging to the wall, she rose as high as possible. She pointed her blade at the warrior and tried to regain her breath. "Had enough... Or... Do you... Want some more?..." Yuki's eyes went white once more, and she clipped her blade onto her belt, without powering it down, she would need it. She began to raise as much power as possible.

This may be a last stand, after this... I could be limited to my sword... and if I can't mix more potions... I can't afford to lose them...
Once a rather large ball of light was charge between her hands, almost the size of her wingspan, she shouted. "Judgement and Pearl Omega Barrage!!" Six runes in a circle appeared around the man and about four balls of light went flying at him, she beat her wings as hard as possible and send them flying.

"My Grand Finale! Can you keep up?"

[Winterhair]

Again the bitch had escaped him. But he was only dimly aware of that fact now, his berserker senses starting to have taken over him. Before had been a cold, cruel beast of a man: now what stood in Vincent's place was an animal, a dog that had been let off its leash.
And it was out for blood.

He dimly was aware of the angel erecting another one of her damn mystical shields and flying close to the wall, and he wiped the angel's blood on his arm as he snarled and advanced slowly towards her. "Fuck you." he swore, his voice a growl instead of the soft and deadly quality it held earlier, and he raised his sword to break her shield with another swing of his blade.

Before he could perform that action, however, the angel raised her hands and a giant sphere of light, one easily the size of her wingspan, glowed in between them. The human part of Vincent realized the danger that strange ball of light held, but the beast within ignored it and Vincent held his ground while six more of the strange runes surrounded him.
Immediately following that she shouted "Judgment and Pearl Omega Barrage!!" and launched four balls of light straight at him without pause. "My Grand Finale! Can you keep up?"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?!" Vincent suddenly roared, and swung his blade at the approaching balls of light, knocking them aside and causing small craters in the walls and ground. He flailed at the shield before him until his efforts caused it to shatter, and his eyes became swirling dervishes of silver as he roared in triumph and leaped straight at the angel, his sword poised to impale her through the chest.
Then the six runes erupted, and Vincent was lost in light as he felt the torching heat of his opponent's attack engulf his body, and his vision blurred as he lost sight of his air-born opponent.

[Yukina]

Yuki noted the blood lust and insanity that now filled the berserker's eyes. Note to self, watch out for the pointy end. The entire area was now filled with the light remnants from the pillars. Yuki was completely out of breath and started huffing and puffing, she stood as far as she physically could from the warrior, remembering the very powerful resillience and agility he could possess. "Crap, I probably overdid that one..." Yuki took a step forward, still out of breath, and regained her bearings, she kept one hand on her weapon and both eyes on her enemy. "I'm sorry..." She stood there, the air tense and her breathing oddly timed. All of a sudden her eyes dialated.

[Winterhair]

As the last remnants of the angel's attack blew away, they revealed the scarred form of Vincent. It did not seem though, as if he were in pain. His clothes were tattered, his skin burnt from the intense light attack the angel had performed upon him. His chest now had a long scar from where one of the pillars of light had grazed him across, and it beat dark and red as blood flowed from the wound. His black coat lay in shreds across his body and on the strange ground, and the illumination from the domed arena threw shadows across his face and body.
He held his head down, his snowy hair covering his features as he stood motionless, letting the small breeze his opponent's attack created caress his battered form. In his right hand he held his serrated blade limply, the tip of it scratching the ground like a lover's kiss. His left hung loosely by his side, dangling as a hangman's noose from an old oak tree.

The silence held for a moment until the angel spoke. "Crap, I probably overdid that one..." he heard her say breathlessly, and the sound of her feet stumbling around filled the arena. "I'm sorry..."

Then slowly, Vincent Winterscar began to laugh. It wasn't a hysterical, maniacal laugh like what usually came out of his mouth, though. It started out as a low chuckle, barely able to hear, then slowly developed into a loud booming laugh of one who had just heard a hilarious joke. Vincent threw his head back and laughed, laughed at the ceiling, his silver eyes closed in pure joy as he smiled and spread his arms back like an eagle.

"Sorry?" He continued to laugh, even as he spoke. "Girl, you just made my day. I've been waitin' for a fight like this!" He tilted his head back again, then it snapped forward as he opened his eyes and looked at her with a crazy gleam in those swirling silver orbs. "A fight with blades, no freakin' tricks like those balls of light or whatever. Just you and me, a fight to the death!" With that same insane smile placed upon his face he stepped forward, not even out of breath as he lifted his blade off the ground and put it on his shoulders. As he slowly walked toward his tense opponent, he spoke again. "Y'know, you don't have to worry about freakin' dyin' here." He motioned around to the curved white walls and the strange floor, but it was obvious he was gesturing to the Citadel in general. "Those monks here, they patch you up real good, even if ya do die." He swung his sword around to his side again, and his insane smile grew wider. "So COME! COME at me with all ya got! Don't be freakin' afraid!" And he launched himself into the air, his powerful legs carrying him a good four or five feet forward and about three feet up before he came crashing down upon where the angel stood, his sword a curved arc of death as he swung it down at her.
This is where the real battle starts....He thought to himself in glee.

[Yukina]

All of a sudden, she heard a laugh, not a crazy laugh, but a chuckle, one she strained to hear. Then her opponent spoke words that, she heard, but went in one ear and out of the other, because her only focus was now on the fact that a dangerous living being that is fully armed was charging at her. She unsheathed her blade and showed him a new move. "If you want a real fight." She begin to make slow small movements.

Her wings expanded and retracted at a steady pace with her body. "You WILL get it." Silver light then completely covered the palm of her hand and she held it above her and as far as she could stretch it from her body. She also held her blade at the same height extending behind her. This caused her body to slightly bend down. "Bring. It. On."
She chuckled with a small insane chuckle.

[Winterhair]

The angel prepared her stance as Vincent flew through the air, his sword sweeping down to come crashing down on her. His face was a fearsome visage of pure, sadistic pleasure, his mouth emitting booming laughs as he flew forward. "Thats right!! Lets have some FUN!!!" He screamed, and his entire body shook with psychotic glee. He was beginning to like this angel, who had even emitted an insane chuckle of her own.

Why was he letting loose like this? The angel was no swordsman, and normally Vincent hated types like her who just flew around taking potshots at him from afar. Maybe it was because she, unlike those, had actually decided to be a real warrior, and stood her ground as he had come bearing down on her like a hound from hell.

Despite his earlier complaints, he was beginning to enjoy himself, completely ignoring his wounds and the aching his body was sending out.
"Fuck yeah!" He yelled in complete instinct as he came down on her, his sword still making its path down to cleave her in half.

[Yukina]

Yuki laughed inwardly, not just because she was completely prepared for what was going to happen, but at how predictable this warrior had been. She waited for the blade to come straight down, and extended her hand upward, the shield emitted from it, and was immediately shattered. Yuki shot a smirk and used the edge of her sword to send bits and pieces of the shield at her opponent, she moved as quick as the wind and slid right beneath the arm of her opponent. Once behind him, she prepared to slash right at the man's ribs.

"I hope this is what you wanted!"

[Winterhair]

The angel deflected his direct attack with another one of her mystical shields, and a dull throb of the old anger that Vincent had felt beforehand began to make its way to the surface. The shield shattered soon enough, but gave the angel not only enough time to deflect the shards of white hot light at him like shrapnel but also dodge underneath his exposed left side, and then prepare to slash at his ribs in what she must have thought was a way to incapacitate him. One single slash wouldn't do much against the juggernaut that he was now, but he held numerous wounds and self-inflicted gashes all over his body, enough for even him to know he couldn't last out much longer. Even though he did not feel the devilish pain that his body must have been subjected to, at least, not in his head, the enemy had delivered more than her fair share of wounds against him, and he knew at least that his body was going to succumb to the darkness of unconciousness. Sheer amount of blood loss, and all that crap he usually didn't think about.

So, normally, he would have let the girl slash him, just to grin in her face and watch as her private assurances melt away. But instead he actually thought about his attacks, the dull anger she had caused in him awakening his sense of reason.

Vincent landed and immediately sprang away, swinging his sword backwards behind him as he felt the clash of the two blades. He glared at her, his silver eyes no longer swirling with excitement and life as he spat at her feet. "What I wanted was not to 'ave some little pussy fight where you block everything. Attack me like ya mean it, or get outta my sight." At the end of his little tirade, however, he was breathing slightly heavier, evidence that his body was starting to push past its limits.

[Yukina]

Yuki thought she had him, he looked almost as tired as she, but at the last second he sprang away causing their blades to clash with such intense friction, it sent sparks flying. Dammit! I'm really using everything I have here... Once she found her way out of the sword lock, Yuki fell to the ground and just sat there for a moment, her chest pounding, her breathing unsteady, and thousands of things going through her mind. What am I supposed to do... I don't know if there's a way out of this, he has amazing tolerance... And I can't keep going forever, it'll take forever to regenerate the magic I lost with that attack.... Yuki, with all her strength, stood up with one hand on her sword for support, she stood there, leaning to one side and looking down. "Had enough?"

[Winterhair]

There was one thing about this entire battle that he had noticed. Every time the two warriors clashed, or when she thought she had him, the angel had asked him a question like "Had enough?" or "Any second thoughts?". The way she kept on pestering him with questions...it pissed him off. Didn't she know who she was dealing with?
"Not nearly." Vincent growled and spat out blood, staining the seamless white ground with red. "One of us is goin' to die, you can be sure of that." And with that he ran forward on exhausted legs, each step feeling further and further away as his vision started to dim.
He raised his sword up above his head as he got to her, about to bring it down and cut her as well. But he lacked the normal strength he usually had...and he no longer felt the berserker flame burning within his body.
So in a very real sense, this battle was already over.

[Yukina]

Yuki's pupil's dialated for a moment, then just shrunk back down. She frowned then found her way to a mediocre smirk. "You can't do this." Just as I expected, all I had to do was whittle him down. Yuki held her blade across in front of her, right past her chest. The charging warrior was almost completely slowed down, in her mind at least, she could sense exactly every movement he was going to make, and already knew what was going to happen.

"I truly am sorry about this. Good luck next time."

Yuki waited until he was close enough to pretty much manipulate his body however the hell she wanted to. As soon as he was in range, she waited for the anticipated vertical slash. Upon its arrival she side-stepped and pushed off the side of the blade, then hopping off of his monumental shoulder. Yuki ended on the other side of him, He's weak, theres no way he can go on. Yuki abused the warrior's weight to flip him over her shoulder and held her blade to his heart. "Goodbye."

And with that, her blade was driven into his heart.

He's lucky.

[Winterhair]

All bunnies approved.

What...the hell...

Vincent awoke to a blinding bright light. It shone in his eyes, dilating his silver orbs for a few moments, before he groaned in irritation and rolled over on the mattress he had been lying on. He dimly heard voices in the back round, but paid no attention to them. He felt tired. He wanted to fucking sleep the day away. Then he would go and fight that angel in the Citadel and--

Wait.

Vincent sat bolt upright, his hand immediately going to his waist where he usually wore the serrated nodachi in its sheath. It was missing. Taking a quick view of his surroundings, he saw he was in some small room, all white with a glow hanging from the ceiling. The mattress he had been sitting on was also a fluffy white, stretching most of the length of the room.

Looking around frantically, he found what he had been searching for. His blade lay up against the corner, along with his clothes, all repaired and fresh looking. He rubbed his eyes, to make sure he wasn't seeing things, for he knew that angel had fucking reduced his clothes to mere shreds...
Standing up naked in the room, he shook his head, as if trying to clear his head of a dream. All he could remember was running at the angel to cut her down, then his sight had faded to black and he felt nothing. He sighed in irritation as he ran the fingers of his right hand through his long white hair, totally unconscious of the fact that he was completely nude.

Soon enough, a knock at the door resounded, and automatically he answered "Come in, door's open." without even thinking about his status clothing wise. And, irony of course had decided that the person opening the door had been a young female monk, probably the same age as Vincent himself. As soon as she stepped into the room, however, and saw Vincent just standing there in what many would have considered to be a "Playgirl" pose, she got flustered and he cheeks turned a bright red. "A-a-a-a a man c-came, looking for y-y-you, mister..." She stammered, looking pointedly away from Vincent's naked form.

Vincent, still oblivious for some reason of the effect he was having on the girl, strode over to the girl with a gracefulness belying his size, coming up close to her before asking, "Was it a middle-aged man with a weasel-like face?" He asked her pointedly, glaring down at her with his silver eyes.

She could only nod and stammer, "...he s-s-said that you d-did well, c-considering."

Vincent frowned and growled out his next words while placing his hands on his hips, and only slightly noticing the girl moving away from him slowly. "What the hell is that supposed ta' mean?"

The monk only shook her head and held out a good-sized brown sack, which jingled as she moved it at arms length, as if it were some carrier of a plague. "I don't know, m-mister...He just t-t-told me to to tell you that a-a-and to l-look in the bag."

Vincent grunted impatiently and held out his hand for the jingling purse, but for some reason that action caused certain parts of him to move in certain ways, and the girl's eyes drifted downwards and she gasped and threw the purse full of what was presumably money on the mattress before running out of the room, covering her face with her hands. Vincent stared after her for a bit, still unable to understand why the hell she had that reaction, and soon gave up on it and shut the door.

Sitting on the mattress, he opened the bag and dumped its contents on the bed. A stream of gold coins came out, followed by a dark object and a piece of parchment. Curious as to what the object may be, since had not been expecting anything other than gold for payment, he picked it up in his hands.

It was a ring. It looked to be made of obsidian, and of fine quality, but Vincent was no expert when it came to stuff like that. It was pretty heavy, feeling like a lead block in the palm of his hand, and where the gem stone should have been on the ring there was an inscription. He held the ring closer to his eyes, to see the inscription, and it read so:

Imora thea mi savur.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He cursed out loud, then picked up the piece of parchment, which was as crisp as the day as it must have been cut. The writing on it was small and curvy, and Vincent had trouble reading what it said, but eventually he could.

"Dear Mr. Winterscar.

I know that you didn't defeat the angel in the Citadel, but you did surprisingly well against her. My master and I did not expect you to win, obviously. We are not some covert organization, nor some unknown force seeking to use you for our own ends.

We know you seek power. My master and I can give you that power, but it comes with a price, as does all things that are of value. After seeing you battle, however, I do believe that is not a problem for you, is it? You are not ready at this time to accept this power, but the ring that I have placed in your care will make sure that when you are, we will know.

Continue to battle, Vincent Winterscar, and grow strong. And we will make you great.

Signed, Beazel."

He set down the piece of paper on the mattress and looked at the ring that had accompanied the gold. Again, he found nothing strange on it except for the inscription where the gemstone should have been, and its heaviness. Other than that, it was a regular ring.

"What a strange day...I need a drink." He muttered, and went off to the pile of clothes and finally got dressed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Standing outside the Citadel, Vincent again looked at the ring he had been "given", trying to decide whether or not it was a ruse, or a trap. He wasn't much of a thinker, however. He had always relied on his guts, on his instincts, for he found that thoughts tended to betray their owners.
And so, he once again relied on his gut instinct, and slipped the ring into his traveling sack where he kept everything else. "Might as well stay." he muttered to himself one last time, and without looking back walked into the bustling city of Radasanth.

Ending post. Spoils requested: 50 or so "extra" gold, Mysterious Ring (seemed to be made of obsidian with engravings but nothing special about it) and Mysterious Letter from "Beazel".

[Yukina]

Yuki now froze. The fight was over, and all she could see was a bright light. If this keeps up i'll be damned blind... She closed her eyes and when she opened them she was in a room. A beautiful room decorated with flowers and a beautiful river and blossom setting. "The space power of the monks is truly something to marvel..." She was wearing no more then her undergarments, which consisted of her strapless top and--- well, underwear. "Hm" She looked around until she noticed her clothes were seemingly floating on a wall, until she noticed there was a hook holding them up, albeit a small one. She saw her quiver, three little handles that extended into her weapons, and her little rucksack of things she carried around at the base of her clothes.

She looked around and rubbed her head. Last time I checked I won, why do I have a headache? She tried to ignore it and just lied down on the mattress she was on and looked up. I actually just fought someone to the simulated death. I think I just lost 15 respect points for myself... She put her hands behind her head and just went over all the events that had happened in the fight, every last detail. However, her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the wooden door. She tied her blond hair up with a ribbon that was at the foot of the bed and went to open it.

She met a small frail female monk who's body and face were shrouded by her brown robe. All she could note was her black as a raven's wing hair. "Um, Hello." The girl just said nothing and un-hid a small box from behind her back. She gave it to Yuki and with some sort of impression, Yuki knew "A mysterious box from a mysterious benefactor, keep up the good work." And the girl faded into the shadows down the hallway.

Yuki contemplated what was in this small golden box with beautiful designs on it in gold and a ruby adorning the top. She decided to open it and found Three things. A key, a picture, and a note. She read the note aloud, seeing she was alone. The note looked old and charred, as if someone had to go recover it from reckage, or a disaster. It read, "To our dearest Yuki, Your life ahead will be difficult and laced with challenges, but should you know, you hold the one key to regaining your home and your loved ones...A key you've had long before you've ever came to this world. Whatever you do, use the powers you have to find what you want, find your friends, make your friends, and never give up." and it was signed, "-Love A----" And the rest of the name was burnt off.

A thousand thoughts raced through Yuki's head now. A key I've always had? But what? And who could this be, how do they know I'm from another world?! And... A.... The only person I could think of with this kind of knowledge and handwriting would be... My mother, Amara, but why would anyone not want that there, and isn't she dead? The events it speaks of are so recent she couldn't have written it before the incident at Crystallia...
She then placed the letter at her bedside and turned to the photo. "It's me... my mother, my father... and, another person? It looks like a girl... she looks so much like me! But she's so... dark, and shadowy, and..." Evil. "What? No..." The photo interested her, so she shuffled through the drawers of wood in the corner of the room until she found a pen. She wrote on back of the photo, "Memory, 4-10-1" Which was a way of reminding her, four people, ten years ago (Which is when the incident occured in Crystallian time on her planet) and 1 which is the number of people who would be allowed to know about this, Herself.

She turned to the key now, but didn't have to pick it up. The end of the handle was shaped like a heart and the key rose to her chest. She didn't even notice she still had her mother's necklace on. And now, her heartbeat fastened and a glowing sphere adorned around her necklace. Never expecting, it opened. The key disappeared and a bright white light shone from it, and Yuki felt herself get lost in a sea of memories. She could see her, her friends, and her parents, their happiest moments of their home-world. And always, she saw a girl that looked like her, but her whole body was shadowy and purple, and her eyes were staring at her with a deep red. "Is that-- me?" I can't take the person staring back at me... And all went white. Yuki looked up and saw nothing but white all around her, " A trip down memory lane... " Impressed into her mind.

Pink blossom petals fell around her and she heard a sweet song.

"Shine bright morning light
Now in the air the spring is coming
Sweet blowing wind
Singing down the hills and valleys
Keep your eyes on me
Now we're on the edge of hell
Dear my love, sweet morning light
Wait for me, you've gone much farther, too far"

And with that she was returned to her room. Yuki, without a word put on her clothing and placed her items in her bag.

Requested spoils: "Strange Photo" and "Old Letter" from "A". No special properties about either.

[Ataraxis]

Quest Judging
An Accident

Hello, sorry for the wait, and let's get right to the judgment!

Red is Winterhair

Blue is Yukina

STORY

Continuity ~

5/10. I have a divided opinion here. For one, you did take it into account, actually explaining why Vincent went to the Citadel in the first place. Then there’s the fact that it was a random person who gave him the job of killing an angel, in a place where people can’t be killed (something Vincent knows). The premise of the fight on your side was hard to swallow, and I just had to take it with a grain of salt.

The Ending did make it a bit more believable, but it doesn’t change the fact that I was constantly off-put by how the battle started all throughout it, until that particular piece of information came to me. Now, if Vincent had noted how peculiar that job offer was, but then decided to not think about it because he needed the cash, I’d have been more at ease.

Basically, generic that only somewhat made sense at the end. I also didn’t get a very good sense of Vincent’s back-story from what little you gave me, but I was intrigued to see that this battle ended with a prospect for the future. Next time, just try to flesh it out more and write Vincent in a way that shows he didn’t only begin to exist at the time someone starts to read about him. Just put a few more snippets of his past around, whenever he interacts with something that should remind him of this or that event.


3/10. Yukina, there was next to no continuity here. I have absolutely no idea what she was doing in the Citadel, while she herself didn’t know what the Citadel was. Do you just wander into a huge building with countless monks and heavily-armed people waiting around, reading the June issue of Cosmo Gore? You need to have Yuki’s actions make sense, first of all by saying ‘Why is she here, at the Citadel?’ which leads to ‘what pushed her to walk inside this strange place she’s never heard of?’ She also accepted quite too easily that she had to fight. The monk pretty much trapped her in an Arena against her will, and she’s all ‘Cool, alright, I’ll fight’. This cost you in Action and Persona as well.

To remedy this, think of the protagonist from your favorite book. Did he just pop out of nowhere and started by being badass? In certain cases of in medias res, maybe, but his or her back-story is later revealed (perhaps through hints) and his or her sudden appearance in the story no longer feels random. Try working on that and asking yourself whether Yuki’s actions are random or not, if they make sense and are believable to the reader. I used to write on Gaia ages ago, and it’s a tendency that apparently hasn’t changed in seven years. However, it’s very easy to lose it, if you put some effort into it, so don’t worry. Just always take into consideration that readers don’t know what you know about Yuki, and that it’s your job to give them the necessary information.

Another note, telling more about Crystallia and ‘the incident’ would have heped me understand, too.

As an example, in the end, you did a better job in Continuity by giving me more insight on her family and home… world, I think. Of you’d given me more before the battle and perhaps a bit during, then I would have gotten a much better grasp of Yuki.


Setting ~

3/10. Frankly, I only got descriptions from your first and last posts, with one mention of the dome’s illumination in between. I thought you started decently with adequate descriptions for the bar and an albeit quick recap of Yukina’s description of the dome. Then, there was nothing. Complete void of the setting, of interaction, anything. You could have not had an arena, and I would have read the same story without noticing anything different. Even though Yukina didn’t use it either, it didn’t mean you could lay back and do the same. There may have been little to work with, given the nature of the arena, but in that case you could have contacted each other to improve it and add more to it. Even battles need teamwork! Basically, you just need to apply consistency in this area to boost this score by three points, easy, and more rigor in concert with Technique to get a 7 or 8. Just be sure to interact with the setting, since just throwing litter at the enemy or kicking sand in his face is an improvement.

2/10. Similarly to Winterhair, you had a huge gap where there were no descriptions in your writing, and I just felt like watching a battle in limbo. It really was a white screen, and you didn’t even have the transient five words of description either. You barely spent any time describing the setting in your first post, too, and how you pictured the dome was vague at best, which contributed to your battle partner’s inability to expand on it as well. This is a Gaian style I’m familiar with also: people focus all their attention on description in the first post, just because then they tell themselves ‘now that I’m done with that, I can move to more interesting things’.

Well, in all honesty, the reader usually does find a story that evolves in an accurate, almost palpable setting to be interesting, rather than just read about a series of dialogue and action moves that may or may not be believable. The setting is not merely a background, but something that supports everything your character does, it’s the world in which your character exists, the world with which your character interacts. Without it, any character may as well just vanish. For a point of reference, look at your last post, where you really did improve (and so fast, so congratulations!). It had an adequate amount of description, of exposition of your characters background, a bit of tension for the pacing and a little mystery that will keep people reading your other threads.

Pacing ~

5/10. I read through this battle relatively quickly on your side, though some of it was due to the sheer scrimping on post length. Conciseness is good, but like incredible verbosity, incredible brevity can hurt your score. Of course, this didn’t hurt you as much as it did Yukina, since you did try to limit the number of those short posts. I enjoyed it in your last post the most, since it showed a clear feeling of progression, although it was the ending. If you had applied this same feeling to your fast-paced writing style, you would have scored substantially better here. Vincent’s battle rage can be interesting at times, and it did steer this toward its climax, but don’t overdo it yet. I know he’s inspired by Dan, who does sometime take a Zaraki approach, but you basically became Zaraki when the fight with Yuki got interesting. More on that in Dialogue, but the believability did make me slow down and did hurt you a bit here.

3/10. This is basically the same as Winterhair’s comments, only more grave in your case. One paragraph posts may have been the standard before, but it gives minimal insight into any facet of your writing, and looks very lazy. I’m not asking for a novel, but three paragraphs (with about three to five sentences each) would better cover your bases. This is just a template, though, and it’s a good exercise. When you feel like you’ve improved enough, you’ll have already learned to write adequate paragraphs by feel alone, and you’ll also be able to move on to other literary techniques.

Simply put, your posts are bare bones, so add more flesh to them. Again, refer to your last post, which dealt with these issues relatively well, but don’t think you need to write each of your pasts as long as your last one. You also need to include more tension in your writing and add more twists, because I basically knew exactly what you were going to do with Yuki. You didn’t want her to lose, so you had her use her powers beyond what was stated in your profile. You wanted the reader to say ‘Oh, she’s a nice person’ by having her apologize before killing him. You wanted her to be… sassy, so you used clichés for her dialogue, like ‘Had enough?’ and the likes.

All of this could have worked, if there had been enough build-up, but you had next to none. Start by making each of your sentences flow with the next, and to make each word count. Many of them were fluff, and thus contained very little information on anything relevant.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~

5/10. I’ll be quick here. I basically liked Vincent’s lines. My only qualms were that I could easily see that sometimes, Vincent’s dialogue wasn’t his, but that of a character from a Japanese comic book I won’t name. I’m not saying he can’t talk like a battle-crazed ruffian, but try to make it more unique to Vincent’s character and it’ll be better.

2.5/10. Her dialogue was the uninteresting kind of cliché. Things like ‘You WILL get it’, ‘Bring. It. On.’, ‘I hope this is what you wanted’, and ‘Had enough?’ made me scowl. It’s very shallow dialogue that may have been sassy in the 60s or 70s, or in B-rated teen movies, but it does nothing to display Yuki as a realistic, three-dimensional character. If you met a person who only said those lines, wouldn’t you ask yourself whether or not she’s joking? If you were put in a battle situation, would you speak like that? Even if you had swordsmanship, were confident with it, and had flight with a few spells up your sleeve, would you genuinely speak like that? And if you’re saying ‘but Yuki isn’t me’, then just put anyone else you know in that situation. They wouldn’t react like characters from a bad action movie, they’d react like real, living, breathing people. Work toward that, toward making the reader believe Yuki’s dialogue, not as a character, but as a person. Suspension of disbelief is a great and perhaps indispensable tool in good writing.

And please, no Combos. No Omega Barrage. Please.

Action ~

5/10. You took the hits well, and Vincent acted as I thought he would. You underplayed his swordsmanship a bit, since he was above-average and lost to an average fighter, but that’s commendable. There wasn’t much that was memorable, though, except perhaps for his foul-mouthed, drunken behavior at the beginning and the fact that he was sporting his junk in front of a female monk without knowing it, which made me grin. A bit (well, a lot) more substance and consistency in this area and you’re golden.

1/10. I would have given you a 3, here, had you not completely power-gamed. You had her cast Pearls and Judgments like she was Charlie Whitman. You had her move beyond her capacities, especially when she killed Vincent. No average swordsman could do what she did, especially to a swordsman with above-average skill. I suggested a re-approval of your profile, because you simply abused of your Grimoire by summoning a creature that could stop time. Just so you know, though being victorious over an opponent is nice, the way you get to that victory plays a great part in making it nice. Abuse of powers you did and did not have does not make your victory nice. No one enjoys reading power-gaming. Also, being victorious In Character isn’t rewarded here. In battles, the person who wrote better will win.

This chiding set aside, you introduced good action in your last post only. The marking of the photo was an interesting touch I don’t think I’ve seen before. Try and add those little details, those little quirky actions that make Yuki stand out. Some people bite their nails, some people have an obsession with scraping off paint chips, so on and so forth. What’s one of Yuki’s things? Find it out, and in your next work, show the reader. That set aside, have Yuki fight within the scope of her abilities, because showing struggle is always more interesting than taking something random out of hammerspace and anti-climactically defeating the opponent in a way that makes the reader blink, sigh and tune out.

Persona ~

5/10. Vincent’s personality was adequately conveyed. He’s a bit of a drunkard, a bit of a freelance spirit, battle-crazy and apparently an exhibitionist. You did well, though he’s still quite a ways from evincing the depth that would make the reader relate to him, or shun him altogether as a megalomaniac bent on world-domination/destruction (and even then, I really liked Kefka). You show the quirks of his personality, but you often overlook the baser emotions. His aloofness, for example, was great when he talked to the female monk. Try writing him more when he’s more or less level-headed, since that’s apparently when his actions and expressions are more… entertaining, I’d say.

3.5/10. I didn’t really get a feeling that Yuki had much personality until the final post. She was very close to a walking talking cliché, almost an amalgam of stereotypes that weren’t really supposed to go together in the first place. As I’ve already suggested, try and think of what any person would do or say in her situation, then modify that to better suit her real personality, of which I caught a glimpse in your conclusion. Make the reader want to know about her by having her personality stand out more, like you did at the end. Do that consistently, and you’ll be fine!

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~

4/10. You have a very fast-paced, straightforward style that I do enjoy reading. When the narrative got more foul-mouthed and colloquial, I still thought it was decently done. You could easily have scored a 5 or 6 here with a bit more effort on rhetorical devices. The occasional simile, metaphor or allegory would’ve been a slight boost, and actually adding descriptions would have really helped you to include these.

2/10. There was almost no technique here. You wrote things as you imagined them, as you thought them, but didn’t try and embellish where embellishment was due. I’d say that you don’t have a style yet, as you’re basically writing in template, filling out the blanks with what comes up to mind. Don’t worry though, as developing a style is easy and is pretty fun to do! If you’re an avid reader, just think of your favorite book and how the author wrote it. I’m not asking you to copy him/her, but to learn from him/her, to adapt the pros to your own abilities while correcting the cons. If you take a little bit from everything you see and learn, you’ll quickly develop your own unique style, one with which you feel comfortable and that compels people to read your writing. I also suggest a quick look at the Judge’s Choice (http://www.althanas.com/world/forumdisplay.php?f=75), where the best writing this forum has to offer has been compiled. You might also want to check out the Battle and Solo (http://www.althanas.com/world/forumdisplay.php?f=83) section of the JCs, since they might be more relevant to you for now, as they show how battles can be so much more. Check out The Sacrifice (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=6441), for one, since it’s a perfect example.

Mechanics ~

5.5/10. See notes annexed to the judgment.

4.5/10. See notes annexed to the judgment.

Clarity ~

8/10. There were a few kinks that I head to re-read during the battle, but other than that I didn’t have any trouble.

6/10. You use your abilities without even including in the narration what they do. A reader should not have to read someone’s profile to understand their writing. Profiles are just there as reminders for the writer itself. Also, your more complicated moves were very hard to imagine, as you basically pass over them and hope that the reader understands. Try describing things more rigorously, or use moves that you’re able to accurately depict at first. When you’re more used to it, you can try out more complex actions to your heart’s desire!

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~

4.5/10. I think it’s the first time I’ve read your writing, and I liked it. If this had been a quest with an actual storyline, and if you had put more effort in it, then you would have gotten a five or a six without a problem.

2.5/10. I’ll be blunt here. I left Gaia long, long ago because it wasn’t a place on the internet where there was a lot of good writing. Granted, I met rogue writers there that simply shone and could have written nothing but JCs here on Althanas, but that’s beside the point. I commend you for wanting greener pastures, and I can see that you’re aiming to improve, finding the Gaian standards too low. Now, all you need is to shed the habits you picked up there, such as over-brevity, dismissal of description and abuse of cliché. It may sound harsh, but it’s way easier to do than you think. Trust me. If you saw how I used to write, then you could laugh at me for days. Then die. From the laughter of course, not the knife sticking out of your back!

TOTAL ~

49.5/100.

30/100.

EXP Rewards

Vincent Winterscar gains: 500 XP!

Yuki Mashimoto gains: 120 XP!


GP Rewards


Vincent Winterscar gains: 350 GP + 50 for the job = 400 GP!

Yuki Mashimoto gains: 100 GP!


Other Rewards

Vincent Winterscar gains: the Mysterious Letter and the Mysterious Ring. The ring cannot be sold.

Yuki Mashimoto gains: the Strange Photo and Old Letter.


FINAL NOTES

Grow, my seedlings, and soon we shall take over the world.

Keep on writing, and until next time!




Odd-numbered posts are Yukina, even-numbered posts are Winterhair

was separated (1) separated
The ground became made of yellow (1) ‘The ground took on a yellowish hue’ would be an improvement, because as it was, it sounded very awkward
The ground became made of yellow, and white runes were inscribed all over the floor, no telling what they specifically were, but they were random runes. (1) A way this sentence could have flown better: ‘The ground took on a yellowish hue, and white runes were now inscribed all over the floor. There was no telling what they meant, but to Yuki, they might as well have been haphazard scrawls.’
enviornment (2) environment
(2) You had a lot of trouble with spacing your paragraphs, here
fighting men like he (2) like him
Like 98 percent (2) This is… poor imagery. It’s not even imagery. It didn’t fit, and caused a deduction in Technique.
They searched her body, her tenseness, her stance, her body. (2) I’m not sure if you meant to repeat ‘her body’, but to clear away this uncertainty you could have ended with ‘then her body again’ or some better sounding variation.
spat on the ground, throughly disgusted (2) thoroughly
now the shattered pieces of the barrier shattered (5) repeated word, ‘shattered’

Just then a small little girl with blonde hair and a green dress who looked extremely frail appeared before Yuki, she called out "Time Pause!" The fairy disappeared, but the arrow also froze. (5) You have a tendency to fuse sentences that should be separated, which contributes to bad Pacing and bad Mechanics. Try: ‘Just then a small little girl who looked extremely frail, with blonde hair and a green dress, appeared before Yuki. At once, she called out: "Time Pause!" With that, the fairy disappeared, but the arrow Yuji had let loose was now frozen in midair.’

He was just about to side step it again (6) sidestep
infuriating voice, "Any second thoughts?" (6) it’s a colon, not a comma, that should be used here

"Healing Light!" She called, however it merely stopped the bleeding, the scar was still there, like a scab, it didn't bleed, almost like the cut was opened the time around it frozed, it simply refused to bleed at this point. (7) You also have a tendency to make run-on sentences, that are full of commas. When I reach the end of that sentence, I’m not even sure how it started anymore. Try: ‘"Healing Light!" she called out, and a bright flash swept across the wound. Alas, the spell had merely stopped the bleeding, and the scar was still there. Like a scab, it didn't bleed, almost as if it had frozen over the moment it was cut.’ There were quite a few corrections in here as well, so just compare and contrast.

"Judgement and Pearl Omega Barrage!!" Six runes in a circle appeared around the man and about four balls of light went flying at him, she beat her wings as hard as possible and send them flying. (7) No. Naming. Your. Attack. Please. Beside the obvious power-gaming, I’d take out the comma between ‘at him’ and ‘she beat’, replace it by a period, and use the past tense ‘sent’ instead of ‘send’.

"My Grand Finale! Can you keep up?" (7) Beside this being corny, grand finale should not take any capitalization.

swirling dervishes of silver (8) as a note, a dervish is a muslim monk known for his whirling dances that are used in order to reach religious ecstasy. I just found it amusing to see monks swirling in his eyes.

very powerful resillience (9) resilience
All of a sudden her eyes dialated (9) dilated
"Thats right!! Lets have some FUN!!!" (12) That’s. Also, EXCLAMATION ABUSE!!! Just don’t overdo it.
Yuki laughed inwardly, not just because she was completely prepared for what was going to happen, but at how predictable this warrior had been. She waited for the blade to come straight down, and extended her hand upward, the shield emitted from it, and was immediately shattered. (13) You’re really abusing the shield. This was also in my re-approval suggestion.

darkness of unconciousness(14) unconsciousness
swinging his sword backwards behind (14) ‘backwards behind’ is redundant.
side-stepped (17) sidestepped
be a "Playgirl" pose (18) Therei s no Playgirl on Althanas, but as the term playboy has come up before as colloquialism and because it fits with the voice of your narration, I’ll let it slide. Just be careful of using references that really wouldn’t make sense on Althanas.
female monk who's body (19) whose
The girl just said nothing and un-hid a small box from behind her back. (19) un-hid is… you know. Try ‘produced’ or ‘revealed the small box she had been hiding behind her back’.
found Three things (19) capitalized T is not right.
recover it from reckage (19) from a wreckage
ten years ago (Which is when the incident occured in Crystallian time on her planet) (19) don’t put it ‘author’s notes’ directly into your narrative. You, as the author, are not supposed to make your presence known. The narrator is supposed to describe things, and it is common usage to dissociate the author and the narrator. You should have written instead: ‘ten years ago, when the incident occurred on Crystallia, her planet’. Even then, it sounds bad, but that’s just something you have t odeal with in Continuity.

[Zook Murnig]

EXP/GP ADDED!