View Full Version : Transformation
(( solo takes place right after Beginnings of a Poisoner (http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:nejzt4_nehIJ:www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php%3Fp%3D98088+althanas,+beginnings+of +a+poisoner,+poison&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1&client=firefox-a)))
Anita woke early as sunlight filtered through the dirty window and onto her pretty face. The bed she had been sleeping on was comfortable, though not as comfortable as her bed back at home. Laying there in the morning sunshine, she could hear the movements of the man that had taken her in. The aromas of bacon and eggs frying filled her nose. It was almost exactly how home was.
With a heavy sigh, she sat up and began pulling off her dirty clothes. She had been here for almost a week and yet still she could not stop thinking about home. Every time she started thinking about going back though, she reminded herself of why she had left. Reminded herself of the pain and shame that awaited her there should she ever return. Once her clean clothes adorned her body, she pulled out her hairbrush and began brushing until her silvery locks gleamed softly.
Her “room” was quite small. The only things that separated it from the rest of her friend’s house were two sheets that had been hung from the ceiling to give her some degree of privacy. Quietly, she parted the sheets and stepped out. Her friend’s back was to her and he had not yet noticed that she was awake and out of bed. Softly, the young girl slipped up behind him, waited till the egg he was flipping was safely back on the flat iron skillet, then yelled, “Boo!”
Thomas jumped somewhat then laughed as he turned around. Thomas was a tall man, about 20 years old or so with brown eyes that looked fondly at the girl standing beside him now. He had enjoyed having company in his small home even if it had meant that he now slept on the floor. He had let her spend the week just getting to know her new home and now, he would begin teaching her everything he knew about thievery and self-defense.
“Good morning, Anita. Sleep well? Oh, and how do you want your eggs this morning?”
Turning back to cooking breakfast, he pulled a plate down from the shelf above the plain woodstove and put the bacon on it. Pulling down a second plate, he put the eggs that had just finished on it.
“Good morning, scrambled please. I slept very well. Radasanth is a really big city isn’t it? I’ve been here a week and I still don’t think I could avoid getting lost if I went out on my own.”
He nodded sagely as he cracked her eggs onto the flat iron skillet and scrambled them with the spatula. She was right. Radasanth was a very large place, especially to someone who had come from such a small town as Anita had first indicated. He still wondered why she had left her home in the first place, but it didn’t matter. She was here now and within two maybe three months, she would be one of the best damn thieves Radasanth had ever heard of.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it soon enough. All righty, one plate of scrambled eggs, a few slices of bacon, a fork and breakfast is served.”
With a flourish that made the young half-angel giggle, he handed her the plate, then picked up his own and began eating breakfast.
A few hours later, the two stood in the middle of a circle, 10 feet in diameter. Thomas stood directly behind Anita, his left hand covered her mouth, while the right held her right wrist. His grasp was light so she could breath easily, but he spoke in a low tone.
“Now, listen carefully, this is a typical way men try to deal with women they want out of their way. It’s cheap and very unprofessional, but also very simple to get out of. Now, we are going to switch places, and you will be the attacker.”
Anita nodded and the two changed places. She almost couldn’t reach to cover Thomas’s mouth with her hand. Before she realized he was moving, she was on her back on the grass at his feet. She lay there for a moment, surprised as she looked up at him.
“How the heck did you do that? I didn’t even know you’d moved until I was on the ground.”
Thomas reached a hand down and pulled her to her feet. “It’s really quite simple and all a matter of simple physics. Let’s do it again, but this time I’ll explain as I move.”
Anita nodded and got into position again. This time, she was ready when he started moving.
“First, I’m going to grab your left wrist with my hand,” he told her as he did so. “Next, I yank down as hard as I can with my left hand while rolling into a ball.” As he completed the move, bring Anita smoothly over his back and head to the ground once more, he smiled at her. “It works better when you do it quickly though.”
For the next two weeks, this went on. Thomas taught her all the basics of self defense. Fortunately, Anita was a quick learner and a good pupil.
“Okay, Ani, today we start a new chapter of your training. First, we need to see how adept you are. What I want you to do, is take this red cloth from my back pocket without me knowing.”
“That’s it? Take the red cloth from you?”
“That’s it. Wait until my back is turned to you and then you may begin your first attempt.”
Thomas backed away until he was at the outter edge of the grassy circle they had been using for her training. Today, the sky was overcast and it smelled of rain, but that didn’t matter. They had trained in the rain before. Anita was turning out to be made of tougher stuff than Thomas had first thought she would be and it pleased him greatly to see how quickly she improved. With a wink, he turned his back to her and began strolling along the edge, looking for all the world like a lord walking down the street.
Anita watched him carefully. She wasn’t exactly sure what kind of job she was training for anymore, but she had promised, back on the first day of training, that she would do whatever he asked her to do, no matter how strange it sounded. When he turned around, she walked boldly across the field and up to him.
“Ah, ah, ah, I can see you. Rule number one, never be seen. Try again. He turned around and started going the other way. A moment or two later, Anita started walking up behind him, just as she started to reach for the bright red cloth, he turned around and grabbed her wrist. “Rule number two, never be heard. Walk as softly and carefully as cat on a fence. Try again.”
By the end of the day, Anita was able to pull the cloth away without his knowledge and even put a new cloth of a different color in its place. She was tired and sat down cross-legged on the grass, Thomas stood in front of her, arms crossed over his chest. “Review, what are the rules?”
“One, never be seen by your victim. Two, never be heard. Three, never be seen by anyone else. Four, never run, it makes you look guilty even if you haven’t done anything. Five, know when to cut your losses. The thief that cuts and runs lives to steal another day. Six, always have an escape plan and alibi. Are we done now? I”m very hungry.”
Thomas smiled and nodded. “Yes, we are done. You’ve done very well today.”
“I don’t understand though. Isn’t stealing wrong?”
“That depends entirely on who’s view you’re talking about. From the government’s view, yes it is wrong. To our view, it’s a way of life. Listen girl, you have two choices for making a living in Radasanth. You’re a beautiful girl, you can make a lot of money selling your pretty curves to the highest bidder, or you can continue training with me and not have to do that, ever.”
Anita was silent a moment, then nodded in understanding. “I suppose I’ll stay with you then.”
“Good, I’d hate to see such a beauty be ruined with a life of the other option. Let’s go home and get some food.”
Later that night, while Anita slept, Thomas went to see his boss, Lord Carvel. The white-haired man sat at his table with his four advisors. As usual, he wore a dress suit and held a lit cigar in one hand. It seemed he always had a lit cigar in one hand, though he only wore the suit for office business.
“Speak Thomas. What news of the new recruit?”
“Wonderful, my Lord. Anita is a quick learner and a very adept pupil. What’s taken other students a week to learn she’s learned in one or two days. Today she learned everything about pickpocketing by the end of the day. She could quite possibly steal your wallet my Lord, then sell it back to you.”
“Excellent. Move her on up to a new level then. I have more than enough pick pockets and if she’s as good as that, then I’ll have a full team again in no time. Dismissed.”
“Thank you, my Lord.”
Thomas bowed and slipped out of the room with a sigh of relief. He took his time getting back to the house, thinking about his current houseguest. She really was quite beautiful, he had not been lying when he told her that. It was too bad that such a sweet girl would have to resort to the hard life of crime to get by. If she had waited a few more years to leave her countryside home, she would have been able to get a decent job, as it was though, no shop would hire a 16-year old waif that just floated into town with hardly more than the clothes on her back.
Overhead, stars twinkled in the blue-black velvet sky. There was no moon, so it was very dark though the sky was cloudless. A rustling came from his left and he stopped, one hand already reaching for the long dagger that was sheathed in the small of his back.
“Easy, Tom! It’s just Logger. Word is you’ve got a pretty little thing over at your place. When is she gonna join the other gals? Inquiring and very interested minds want to know.”
“Back off it Logger. She’s my trainee and therefore will not be joining the others. Tell your boys that if I catch them with their hands on her or she tells me they’ve been around, they’ll wish they’d jumped into a river with 100lb rock tied to their necks.”
He knew that the other guys would have been asking. Very few women that worked for Carvel did anything other than prostitution, so naturally they assumed the new girl would be doing the same thing. Even so, it infuriated him that any of them would come right up to him and ask. They all knew his views on that line of work. Keeping a tight hold of his temper, Thomas said nothing more and continued on his way.
Logger backed away immediately. He had seen his friend’s temper get the better of him and did not want to be on the receiving end should Tom’s anger lash out. “Sure thing, Tom. I’ll let them know.”
Tom did not hear Logger’s answer. He was already several feet away and no longer listening. The night that had been so peaceful and nice was now no longer not so nice. He wondered if perhaps his self-defense teachings would not wind up needing to be used here in the Compound where she should be safe.
Ah well, she can handle herself. She’s got the basics and she’ll learn more as we go along. Besides, they wouldn’t want to cross me anyway.
Comfortable in his own reputation and in his confidence in Anita, he tried to let his anger go and went inside. He could hear the even sound of Anita’s breathing as she slept peacefully on what had been his bed three weeks ago. Moving on cat-like feet, he slowly parted the sheets to check on her. He could barely see her, but it seemed a soft smile played on her lips as she rolled over to one side.
Beautiful...
Letting the sheets drop back to their customary place, he quickly prepared himself for sleep. His new bed was in the opposite corner of Anita’s. It now consisted of several blankets to roll up in and a single pillow on the floor. Nevertheless, he was happy with it and would not dream of making Anita sleep on the floor or share the single mattress with him.
The young man fell asleep reminding himself of the number one rule for all people in a crime ring: Never, ever, fall in love.
The days flew by and Anita proved to be quite adept at thievery and most types of fighting. She even became quite proficient with knife fighting. However, the one thing she had yet to become comfortable with was killing someone in cold blood. It went against every fiber of her being to kill someone that had done her no wrong. Now, Tom was once again trying to explain to her that sometimes it would be necessary and that she couldn’t hesitate.
“But Tom, if they didn’t do anything to me, why should I be the one to kill them?”
Tom sighed. This was one stumbling block he had not expected to have to overcome. “Because, Anita, sometimes that’s what the job entails and sometimes, killing someone is the only way you’re going to get away alive. You have to be able to kill in order to do this.”
“I can’t do it, Tom. I can’t just creep up behind someone and stab them or slit their throat or whatever. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.”
She hung her head as she sat on the floor. They’d had this conversation many times over the last week or two and it always ended with either her or Tom getting too mad and frustrated and stalking off. This time though, Tom just stood there, leaning against the wall of his home, thinking.
“Okay, I think I may have a solution. Would you feel better if they stood a chance? Not so that you would be facing them in combat, but you wouldn’t be killing them right off the bat, they’d stand a fighting chance. Would that be better?”
Anita thought for a moment, then nodded, “I guess I could deal with that. How would you work that out though?”
“Come with me. It’s time we brought another person in on your training.”
Tom lead the way out of the house and through the twisted streets of the Compound. Eventually he came to a door that had numerous symbols carved all over it.
“Wards. Supposedly to keep evil out or something like that. I don’t think they really work though. Come on in, and don’t say anything unless asked directly.”
Anita nodded and followed Tom into the dark corridor the door revealed. It was sparsely lit by a few torches, but it wasn’t very long. The corridor opened out into a large underground chamber with no windows. It was well lit with an abundance of torches, candles and lamps. Books and scrolls littered the floor. The only area that was at all neat, was a large, long table set near the far wall.
“Apothecary? Apothecary, it’s Thomas. I’ve brought you a visitor and to ask you a favor. Apothecary, are you in here?”
From one corner of the room came a raspy, wheezy voice and the rustle of a great many papers. “Yes, yes, I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t be so impatient!”
Anita was surprised at the figure that appeared from behind a stack of books. The Apothecary was a very old man with a long white beard and thick white eyebrows that seemed to brustle up at the sight of unexpected company. He wore a grayish robe that covered his feet. His hair, like his beard, was white, but it was very thin. He did not look very neat with hair and beard alike in disarray and dust covering his robe, but his eyes were very sharp and his hands were strong looking.
“What’s all this now, young Thomas? What’s all this now?”
Tom smiled briefly, reassuringly, at Anita before turning back to the Apothecary. “I’ve come to ask you to teach our newest member about the various poisons you know. The idea of just walking up to someone and killing them sets her teeth on edge. I suppose where she came from they have a sticter code of ethics, she wants her victims to have a fighting chance. Her name is Anita.”
The Apothecary signaled to Tom to be silent as he shuffled over to Anita and began scrutinizing, looking over her every feature. Taking her hands in his, he turned them over and over until at last he seemed satisfied.
“What would I get out of the deal? I’ll not teach for nothing you know.”
“Half my pay until her training is done. That should be enough to cover materials, her lunches and her dinners. She’ll continue to sleep at my house, though. I’ll bring her in the morning right after breakfast and pick her up two hours after dinner to take her home. Is this satisfactory, Apothecary?”
The Apothecary thought for a moment, stroking his long, unkempt beard thoughtfully with one hand. Then he nodded decisively, “It is indeed my boy. Now, be off with you. We can start right now. And mind you, NO visits. I’ll have none of this ‘I was in the area and thought I’d stop by’ junk. Now, Miss Anita, was it? Come with me. I trust you know how to read? Good. Let’s start with the basics.”
Smiling a small, relieved smile, Thomas made his way back up the corrider and out into the sunshine outside. Although at first he seemed a crochety old man, the Apothecary was the very best at what he did. If he couldn’t find a way for Anita to get over her dislike of killing people, no one could.
A few days later, Anita sat in a chair at the desk, listening intently as the Apothecary expounded on the uses of the Skilla leaf. Apparently, it could be either life-saving or deadly, depending on how it was prepared. Boiling it in salted water would make a broth that could bring down the most deadly of fevers, while pounding it into a powder first would make one of the most lethal poisons known to man.
“Write this down, young lady. I can’t have you forgetting everything I’m teaching you. Pounding the Skilla plant into a fine powder does not kill the victim immediatly. It is so lethal because the symptoms of Skilla poisoning are identical to Thalgu poisoning. Unfortunately, the treatment for Thalgu does not help with Skilla. Therefore, by the time the healer realizes that it can’t be Thalgu, the patient is either already dead, or will be within a day or two. Did you get all that?”
“Yes, sir. Why does boiling it change the results? If it’s the same plant, why does it matter how it’s prepared?”
“I’m glad you asked. I like a student that asks questions, so long as they aren’t silly questions. The difference is, in boiling it in salted water, the components within the leaf that cause poisoning are boiled away. However, the salt helps the plant retain those components that aid in fever reduction.”
“So you have to have the salt or all you get is cooked leaf?”
“Exactly! Moving on, this is a rose leaf. Very healthy and beneficial. You wouldn’t use this in anything poison unless you were trying to disguise the poison. Very tasty crystalized in honey and used on cakes or pies...”
As her lessons continued day after day, Anita found she had an inborn knack for this work. As she continued she tried to commit some recipes to memory, storing them away in her mind in case she ever lost her notes.
Day by day, Anita grew more and more adept under the Apothecary’s tutelage. She found she had a natural flair for working with the various plants and chemicals the old man had in his lab. She learned quickly and actually began to enjoy her new life.
Each evening, Thomas would come and take her back to his house for bed. Some nights he took her out on the town for dinner and sometimes a bit of dancing. She always enjoyed these nights, but as they became more common she began to wonder why she was getting such nice treatment. After all, some of the places he took her to were rather expensive and she knew that his pay wasn’t that great. Most especially not when half of it was going to her training.
Two months after her first lesson with the Apothecary, Thomas showed up dressed quite nice and with a nice dress hung over one arm. He smiled broadly and handed a very surprised Anita the dress.
“Here, go put this on. Tonight is a special night. Go on!”
Anita didn’t pause to question him just yet. She was sure he would explain in due time. For the moment, she hurried to a small room and changed into the new dress. The silvery fabric clung to her womanly curves splendidly. The neckline scooped almost too low in front, but not so low as to bother the young woman. The back dipped almost to her waist, baring her back and shoulders to the world. The dress was knee-length and when she twirled around in a circle, the hem of the dress spread out around her, giving an enticing glimpse of her legs beneath.
With a soft smile playing about her lips, she returned to the waiting Thomas with her other clothes hung over her arm. His jaw almost dropped when he saw how lovely his young houseguest looked in the dress he’d picked up for her. Offering his arm, he took the other clothes from her and began to lead the way away from the Apothecary’s home.
“You look astounding, Anita.”
She looked down at the ground for a moment, feeling her face grow suddenly warm. “Thank you, I haven’t any shoes to wear with it though.”
“Oh really? How do you know that?”
“You didn’t!”
He just laughed and winked at her. “You’ll see. We have to stop by the house anyway to drop the other clothes off.”
In a short time they arrived at the house and Anita found that there was a matching pair of high-heeled sandals to go with her dress. She quickly changed her shoes, then turned around in a small circle for Thomas to see. He let out a low whistle then produced a blindfold.
“Perfect, m’dear. Now, I want to surprise you with where we’re going to I need to blindfold you.” Anita raised one questioning eyebrow, “Oh come on, you trust me don’t you? Let me put the blindfold on. I promise I won’t let anything bad happen.”
She sighed softly and then turned her back to him, “Well, okay, but only because I like surprises.”
The young man quickly, but gently tied the length of cloth around Anita’s eyes then began leading her away. He took care to be sure to go over even ground so she would not fall. While they were gone, a few of his buddies hurried into the house to set up a nice, little, romantic dinner for two, complete with tall, taper candles to light the dinner table. In moments, everything was set up and waiting for Thomas and Anita to return from their walk.
Meanwhile, Anita kept a continual barrage of questions, trying to figure out where this surprise location was. However, all she ever got out of Tom as a simple, “Wait and see.” The two young people walked aimlessly for about another 15 minutes, then Thomas began redirecting their steps back to the small, one room house. Upon opening the door and guiding Anita in, Tom pulled off the blindfold.
“Welcome, to Café de Tom...”
Anita stood perfectly still, gazing around her, “Oh my...Tom...”
As they entered the room, a small group of three or four musicians began playing soft music. They were hidden behind the sheets that formed the barrier around Anita’s bed to give the impression of being invisible. In the center of the room stood a small table with a red and white checkered tablecloth draped over it. Two tall, ivory-colored candles stood in the center of the table burning brightly. At opposite sides of the table sat a chair, one for each of the diners. A dinner of roast beef, vegetables, and mashed potatoes was already sitting on the table, the aroma drifting around the room enticingly.
“You did all this? How did you ever...?”
Tom smiled. He was quite pleased with Anita’s reaction. Gesturing around the room he gave a small bow, “This? This was nothing. I simply called in a few favors. Shall we eat?” Moving smoothly over to the table, he drew out a chair and pushed it in under Anita. He then took the seat opposite her and the two began their dinner.
“What’s the occasion, Tom? You said tonight was special, what’s so special about it?”
“Oh not much. You’ve just been working so hard with your studies and all that I thought it would be nice to have an extra special dinner night. I’m sorry it’s not at a proper restaurant. You deserve a lot better than this.
She blushed a bit, then nodded and continued on with eating her dinner. Whoever the cook had been had known what they were doing. Every part of the meal was cooked perfectly.
When both were done, as if on cue, the music changed to be more suitable for dancing. Tom stood, came around to Anita’s side of the table and extended his hand toward her. “May I have this dance?”
She smiled softly and placed her hand in his for an answer, allowing him to sweep her up into his arms as they began to dance. They had danced many times in the past two months, but tonight it was somehow different. Tonight as she gazed up at his perfect face, it felt almost as if there was a special kind of magic in the air.
Neither spoke as they danced in a slow circle for what seemed like a blissful eternity. At last though, Thomas slowed their dancing until they came to a stop. Softly, he tilted her chin up so he could look her full in the face. Slowly, he bent toward her, his hand still on her chin to keep her still. When his lips were a hair’s-breadth away from hers, he whispered softly, “I love you, Anita...”
The next moment would be forever engrained in Anita’s memory. As his tender lips pressed softly against hers, the young woman leaned forward, returning it with everything she had within her. Shifting her hands, she slid them up to his shoulders as his slid around to the small of her back, lifting her somewhat. Her eyes closed, she did not see him motion behind his back briefly for the musicians to leave, neither did she truly hear them.
Slowly, Tom deepened the kiss, pushing slowly against her lips until she finally parted them to allow him access to the moist recess of her mouth. Tentatively, she let her tongue meet his, sending shivers down both her spine and his. As they kissed, Tom began slowly working his way toward the bed.
Anita was in a world of bliss she had not realized existed in simply kissing someone. She didn’t even notice where Tom was guiding her until she felt him sit down suddenly and pull her along with him. She grunted softly, but then resumed kissing him deeply. One hand crept up to comb gently through his hair while the other rested against his neck.
Now that they were sitting, Tom left one hand holding the small of Anita’s back, while the other he rested on her thigh, just above the knee. As the kiss wore on, he slowly slid his hand up and under her dress, encouraged by her lack of a reaction, he kissed her harder and shifted quickly so she was lying on the bed and he was leaning over her.
“Mmm, Tom?”
“Yeah, what is it, Baby?”
“What are you doing?”
“Just trust me...” Almost hungrily, he nuzzled at her neck, nibbling and sucking gently. His hands seemingly had lives of their own as they began caressing over Anita’s luscious curves. When a tiny moan escaped her lips, he smiled and kissed her neck and upper chest softly. Sitting up, he ran his hands down her smooth legs and pulled off her shoes. He then followed suit with his own boots and moved to be kneeling over Anita completely. Bending low over her he whispered to her once again before resuming his previous endeavors. “I love you...so much...”
Anita let out another tiny moan, then abandoned herself totally to the wonderful feeling of Tom’s hands and lips on her body. She had never imagined that a man’s touch could feel so good. Yet as Tom lips crept lower toward her breasts and his hands reached up to push the shoulders of her dress down, things changed suddenly. Above her was no longer Tom, but the hated face of her stepfather Lucas.
You stupid half-breed! You’re worthless! Worthless! Do you hear me? A stupid worthless whore just like your mother!
Tears began to pour from her eyes as she tried to push the imagery and the remembrance of his voice away, but it wasn’t working. “Stop! Stop! Please stop!!” she begged, pushing against Tom’s chest as hard as she could. “Please!
Confused, Tom did stop and sat up. “What’s wrong, babe? I didn’t hurt you did I? Come on, tell me what’s wrong?”
Anita sat up and tried to wipe away the tears. She had been enjoying herself, she really had, but then all of sudden... “I... I don’t wanna talk about it...”
“Well I do. Anything that makes my girl break down like this I wanna know about. Come on...I promise I won’t tell a soul if you don’t want me to.”
He moved off of her and sat leaning against the wall. Ever so gently he took hold of her arms and pulled her over to him. “Shhh, just tell me what happened. I thought you were enjoying yourself...”
“I... I was...but...but I couldn’t m-make his face go away.... or his voice... it... it was terrible...”
Tom held her close as she sobbed out the words, “Who? Whose face couldn’t you make go away?”
Anita only sobbed for a few more minutes as she leaned close to Tom, then she tried to gain a hold of herself and speak again. “His name is L-lucas. He’s...m-my stepfather. He... he r-r-r.... he r-r-r-r...“
Try as she might, she couldn’t get the word out. Tom understood though and held her tighter. “Shhhh, it’s okay now. He’s not here, it’s just your memory playing tricks on you. Shhhhh....”
“I was so scared, Tom. I couldn’t do anything to stop him... he called me such horrible names and hit me the whole time. He...he said I was worthless and he called my mother names...and...and...” She broke off into fresh sobs as she turned her face against his chest. Tom only sat there and held her tightly, angry not at Anita, but that someone could be so cruel to someone as wonderful as her.
When her sobbing seemed to have subsided somewhat, he gently turned her face up with one hand, “Look at me, Anita, and listen carefully. I will never do anything to hurt you. I love you very much and no matter what Lucas might have said, you are a wonderful and beautiful person. Okay?”
She nodded and leaned her head back against his chest. Tears still trickled down her cheeks and occasional sob still shook her small frame, but the storm was mostly over. Tom held her close until she finally cried herself to sleep, then gently put her to bed. Watching her settle in to bed, he made a silent vow that one day, he would find this Lucas and make him pay for the harm he had done to Anita.
The next morning Anita woke up much later than usual. With a start, she realized that she was quite late for her daily lessons with the Apothecary. Muttering to herself, she hurriedly dressed and washed her face, then stepped out to find that Thomas was quietly reading the newspaper.
“Why didn’t you wake me? I’m late!”
“Good morning, Sunshine! You have no lessons today. I let you sleep in and went to have a talk with the Apothecary while you slept. I explained that you had a rough night and that you needed a break, just for today. So, how are you feeling this morning?”
Anita just stood there and stared at him for a moment, then took a seat in the only other chair. "I’m doing fine, I guess." She was quiet then for several long moments. The only sound in the room was that of the paper rustling when Thomas turned a page, content to let Anita take as much time as she needed before talking. When she finally broke the silence her voice was subdued and almost fearful, "Last night, you said a few words, special words, did you really mean them or were you just saying them to get me in bed?”
Thomas put the paper down, his face serious. Gently he leaned across the table and took each of her hands in his. “I meant every word. I know, I know, the greatest rule of all is not to fall in love, but I can’t help it. Now, last night was something else. I think it’s time you came clean and told me everything about yourself. I love you, but I’d like to know exactly who it is I've fallen in love with.”
She smiled, much relieved, at the assurance that he’d meant what he said. The idea that he might have just been saying “I love you” to get her into his bed with him had plagued her since she’d remembered it from the previous night. She nodded at his request and took a deep breath.
“I was born to Sophia and supposedly, Lucas, in a little place called Haven. It’s located on the northern shores, but human eyes can’t see it. You see, the inhabitants are angels and there is a special barrier around our... their...home so none but angels or those whom an angel brings over personally, can see it.
“When I was born, I didn’t have wings. I suppose that this was cause for alarm at first, but my parents eventually adjusted to it. My childhood was fine for the most part. I endured a great deal of teasing because I didn’t have wings like all the other children, but my mother softened the taunts with assurances that I was extra special and advice to not worry what the other kids said. It wasn’t until a week or two after my 16th birthday that I found out what was wrong with me, that made me so different from everybody else.
“Lucas had been drinking a lot that morning. I was in my room, doing my homework when he slipped in. I didn’t hear him lock my bedroom door.”
She paused, swallowed and took a deep breath. “He started with telling me that I wasn’t his child. That my mother had cheated on him before they were married, supposedly with a human. I don’t know for sure, my mother wouldn’t tell me. Anyway, he went on and then he trapped me on the bed. He’s a very big angel, I couldn’t get away from him.”
Tears welled up in her eyes and Thomas moved his chair around to be sitting beside her. Quietly, he let go of one of her hands and put his arm around her shoulders, never saying a word. For a few moments, all was silent as Anita fought to keep control of her emotions.
“I couldn’t get away. He hit me...and he t-touched me in ways and places that a father should never touch his daughter. I screamed, but there was no one else home. We lived a good ways away from everyone else, so there was no one nearby to hear me. I was so scared, Tom. When he finally got tired of his ‘fun’ I slipped out my window to go to my quiet place. I decided then that since I was such a burden to my family that I would leave and now here I am. But one day, one day I’ll go back and then there won’t be a single place Lucas can hide from me.”
She fell silent then, just sitting and drinking in the comfort of Tom’s nearness to her. Tom remained silent for several moments, then spoke softly, “And I’ll be right beside you, to make sure he can’t get away once you’ve found him.”
Anita leaned against him and the two sat there together in silent communion for quite awhile before hunger drove them to get up and go on about their day. Thereafter, things were quite a bit different in the small house, though they didn’t let it show outside those four walls. For to let such a thing be shown could put them in danger from those who held grudges against Thomas or Lord Carvel.
It had been a week since Anita’s breakdown. Thomas was still a little worried about her and as such had kept showing his affection to just hugs, soft kisses and the like. He didn’t want to push her into anything she wasn’t ready for yet. Today, though, he had to talk to Lord Carvel. He believed that Anita was ready for her first minor job, but of course needed the Boss’s permission first. Normally, he wouldn’t have bothered with such a new trainee, but Anita had proven to be a very adept student. As he approached the familiar doors he took a deep breath, knocked and waited for the door to open.
Inside, Carvel sat at his desk. Once again holding a cigar in one hand and surrounded on both sides by his highest officers. Today, he wore a suit of dark blue with a silver and blue, diagonally-striped tie. His men all wore dark suits and were as silent as rocks. Carvel and his men watched impassively as Thomas slipped inside and hastily bowed.
“Good afternoon, my Lord. I’ve come to report on Anita’s training. She is doing far better than I could’ve ever hoped for. Currently, she is studying under the Apothecary. She seems to have an affinity for mixing compounds. The Apothecary himself tells me that she’s the best student he’s had in years.”
“You have her studying with him already? This is not normal. Usually, new recruits train for a year before they start their tutelage under him.”
“Yes, my Lord, I know. However, Anita is something else. She picked up everything I could teach her in next to no time and is gobbling up every last bit of knowledge the Apothecary has to offer. My Lord, I believe she is ready to start doing minor jobs. Perhaps small thefts and a few poisonings here and there. I’ve yet to break through her upbringing to get her to be a killer like myself. She was apparently brought up with the notion that everyone should be given at least a small chance of fighting back somehow. This is why I have her studying under the Apothecary so early.”
He paused as Carvel took a long pull from his cigar. This was indeed interesting news, but cases such as Anita’s were not unheard of. He thought hard about Thomas’s request that the young lady start taking jobs. She was still very new, not even a year with them yet. Almost imperceptibly, he shook his head.
“No, Thomas, not yet. Ask me again in two months and I’ll reconsider. Right now, just continue training her.”
“But, my Lord! She has all the makings of one of the greatest assassins you’ve ever had!”
“ENOUGH! I have spoken, Thomas, and you would do well to heed my words. Do not think that because you are one of the top killers that you can’t be replaced. Now get going, you have more work to do with Anita.”
Barely keeping a scowl off his face, Thomas bowed perfunctorily and left the office. Once outside, he let his anger loose. For the next five minutes he explored the outer reaches of every curse word he knew and in every language he knew. Anita was ready, but convincing Carvel would take more work than Thomas had first thought.
Later that night, Thomas sat in his chair thinking hard. Anita sat on her bed, leaning against the wall reading a book. Thomas had forgotten to pick her up and so she had walked home herself. It had been a little scary being by herself, but she knew the way. No one had bothered her either, for which she was grateful. When she got inside though, she saw the black mood that had fallen over Thomas and quietly let him be. She was startled from her book as he stood up suddenly, knocking the chair over.
“I’ve got it! I know just how to prove to his Lordship just how good you are, Ani!”
“And how’s that, dear?” She had no idea what he was talking about, but thought that it was better to play along right now.
“You’ll take his wallet and all of his bodyguards’ wallets right out from under their noses. Then he’ll have to believe me that you’re ready.”
A puzzled look crossed her face as she slid off the bed and walked uncertainly over to him. “Ready for what, Tom? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“To start doing jobs of course,” he laughed as he wrapped his arms around her. “Not tonight though. I want you to get plenty of rest tonight. Tomorrow night you will prove to Lord Carvel that you’re every bit as good as I’ve told him you are.”
“I’m not sure about this, Tom. Are you sure I’m ready? What if I mess up?”
He smiled fondly down at her and kissed the top of her head, “Don’t worry about it, love. You’ll do fine.”
Anita still wasn’t convinced, but she was happy that the sour mood that had plagued him since she got home was gone. Stretching up on her tip toes, she kissed him softly. “Well, if you say so...”
“I do say so...” drawing her close to him, he kissed her sweet lips tenderly. “Now, off to bed with you. You have a long day and night ahead of you tomorrow.” He smiled as he watched her get to bed. Tomorrow would not come soon enough.
*****
Anita hurried through her day nervously. She knew what Tom had planned for her to do tonight, but she still wasn’t certain that she could do it. Finally unable to stand the pressure anymore, she decided to talk to her teacher about it.
“Apothecary?”
“Yes, Anita?”
“I have something of a dilemma, I guess. You see, Tom thinks I’m ready to start doing jobs, but I guess Lord Carvel disagrees with him. Last night, when I got home, Tom was in a really bad mood. When he finally came out of it, it was to tell me that I was going to prove myself to Lord Carvel.”
The old man smiled to himself as he listened to Anita’s story. “So? Go on, there must be more than that.”
“No, not really. I just don’t think I’m ready myself. I have so much to learn still. I haven’t even been here that long.”
The old man nodded sagely and motioned for Anita to have a seat. “I understand what you mean, my dear, but if you keep with that attitude, you’ll never be ready for anything. Thomas is a good man and good judge of character. If he thinks you are ready for something, chances are you are more than ready. He would not risk such a bright pupil as yourself if you were not ready for what he wanted you to do. Now, I’ve decided on account of you having a busy day today and my tired old bones, that class is cut short today. Go and relax for the rest of the day, Anita.”
She smiled and got up to give the old man a hug. In the last few months she had discovered that beneath the crotchety old man he showed to the world, there was really a very kind and wise old man. She had become quite fond of him and enjoyed her lessons with him both for the knowledge and his company.
“That reminds me,” she said, pulling out a small vial from a pocket, “I made this for you. It’s something of an experiment really. I did some research of some of the healing plants you have and mixed a few of them up. If it does what I think it will do, it should ease the pain in your joints.”
The Apothecary took the small vial and looked it over. “And uh, just how am I supposed to use it?”
“It’s a lotion of sorts. Just rub it into the joints that are hurting. I don’t know if it’ll help your joints, but it did help my aching muscles when I tried it out on myself...”
“Well thank you. I’ll try it a little later. Be off with you now, go on...”
Anita smiled and hugged him once more before leaving his lab. She had not been expecting to get half the day off from her studies.
Anita and Thomas stood in the shadows of the building Lord Carvel lived in. Inside, the crime boss slept peacefully, confident that his bodyguards would keep him safe from all harm. Thomas was speaking in a low voice, giving last minute instructions, while Anita stood beside him nervously.
“Now, all you need is one thing from each of his five guards and one thing from his nightstand that he’d miss immediately upon waking. His room is on the second floor, third door down.”
She nodded her understanding, still trying to settle the butterflies in her stomach. She would have rather waited a little longer before she tried anything, but she had promised to do whatever her teacher said to do, no matter how foolish it sounded.
Taking a deep breath, she started moving through the shadows up to the front door. A guard stood there, a bored expression on his face. Moving as silently as a hunting panther, she knelt down and picked up a good sized rock. She threw it as hard as she could away from the door and herself, it clattered loudly on the ground. The guard, startled, went to investigate whilst Anita slipped inside the building.
Well, that part was easier than I thought it would be. You’d think the guards wouldn’t be so easily distracted...
Moving stealthily down the hall, she soon came upon a grand staircase. It was the first set of stairs she had seen. So far, no other guards had been seen either, but that didn’t mean they weren’t around. As she flitted quickly up the stairs, she kept a sharp eye out for where this third door was. Thomas had neglected to tell her which side of the staircase it was on.
Suddenly, she heard the creak of footsteps and sank back into a dark corner. She waited for a slow count of 50 before venturing out of her corner. Whoever had caused the creak had not gone much of anywhere. Down the hall to her left, she could see a large set of double doors. Moving as quietly as she could, she started toward it, counting the other doors as she went.
...three. This must be it, but where are the guards? Inside I suppose...
She peered through the keyhole, trying to get a glimpse of what awaited her inside, but it was too dark. Were the guards asleep? Lord Carvel would not like that, but it was a possibility. She turned the doorknob as slowly and quietly as she could, then gently pushed the door inward. It opened without a sound and the young woman breathed a silent sigh of relief.
The room inside was richly decorated. Thick carpeting covered the floor from wall to wall. Her feet sunk deeply into it noiselessly. She could make out the dim shapes of couches and easy chairs. On the wall opposite of the door was a fireplace, its embers banked for the night. Tapestries from all over the world hung on the walls as well as hunting trophies. Strange bumps were on the floor and couches, but she couldn’t quite make them out. An empty wine bottle stood on the table in front of the couch, a few glasses stood beside it.
Despicable. They are supposed to be guarding Lord Carvel, but they spend the night drinking.
Stealing items from the sleeping guards would be simpler done if done last. Still moving as silently as she could, she made her way to a backroom, separated by a finely beaded curtain. Snores met her ears as she deftly parted the beads and slipped inside. Lord Carvel’s sleeping chambers were no less richly decorated than his sitting room, but Anita paid no attention to that.
Beside the huge bed was a small nightstand. On it was a candle that had been blown out, two books, and a pair of reading glasses. She noted the glasses with some surprise. She had not known that Lord Carvel needed glasses at all. No one ever saw him wearing the tiny frames, so she doubted anyone but those closest to him knew that he needed them. She agonized over what to take. By morning, he would not need the candle. If she took a book, he might think that he had forgotten he put it away. That left only his reading glasses. Picking them up carefully, she replaced them with a piece of paper that said simply, “Thomas” on it.
Once back out in the sitting room, a kerchief or wallet taken from the pockets of the sleeping guards proved to be far easier than she had ever hoped. All that was left now, was getting out without being seen or heard. Getting by the door guard had been easy for getting in the building, but she didn’t think she’d be able to get him away from inside.
How am I going to do this? Thomas will be waiting, but I just don’t know...
She wandered into another room and saw a window that faced the street. Luckily, it did not face the street that ran in front of the main door. Stifling a small laugh of triumph, the young woman moved over to the window and shoved it open hastily. It creaked loudly.
CRAP!
She froze immediately, waiting to hear if anyone else had heard it and come to investigate. After another slow count of 50 with no one showing up, she set her stolen items on the window sill and climbed out. Once her feet were on the ground, she grabbed her loot and ran as fast as she could back to where Thomas would be waiting for her.
Thomas watched as the silver-haired woman disappeared across the street. All throughout the day he had been assuring himself that she was ready for this, but now that the actual moment of testing had come, he was not so sure. However, he couldn’t let that show to Anita. Now that she was gone, he anxiously chewed at his fingernails.
Hearing the rock hit the ground, he moved over to the edge of the alley just in time to see the guard leave the door and Anita go inside. Good girl! Just remember that you won’t be able to come out the same way...
As he moved back into the shadows, the minutes seemed to take hours, even decades. Normally, he was a good judge of time, but worry made him lose all track. It seemed she was taking forever and now he was starting to really worry. She should’ve been back by now, what could possibly be taking her so blasted long. More than once he had to stop himself from going in after her to check up on her.
After what had seemed a lifetime, but was actually only about 15 or 20 minutes, he heard the creak of the window opening, but nothing followed it. A few moments later, he heard the sound of running and heavy breathing as Anita dashed back into the alley he had chosen as the starting and ending place. Relieved, he wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly for a moment.
“Are you okay? Did you get anything?
Anita gasped for breath. She had never run so hard in her life, but she silently held up the kerchiefs and wallets for Thomas to see. “Those belong to the guards. I don’t think Lord Carvel would like to hear that they were so easy because they were sound asleep. I saw a bottle of wine on the table in the sitting room.” She dug into her pocket and pulled out the reading glasses. “I saw these on his nightstand. They seemed the most likely of something he would immediately miss. How’d I do?”
Thomas smiled. He had been right afterall. The girl was more than ready to start taking easy jobs. “You did good. Let’s go back to the house and get some sleep. We’ll return all those things to their owners in the morning.” Slipping an arm around Anita’s waist, the two made their way back to their house and their beds. He did not tell her how worried he had started to get or how close he had come to going in after her. Such comments would only have discouraged her. Besides, she really had done well, he had just been very nervous.
The following morning, Thomas rose extra early. He wanted to be at Carvel’s home the moment the older man awoke and found things missing. Anita, though bleary-eyed, hurried to follow him. She wasn’t sure what would happen now, but at the moment all she wanted was a little more sleep. The previous night had been nervewrecking for her. She had not realized how tightly she had been wound until she got home and finally relaxed. The butterflies that she had silenced as soon as she stepped out of the alley had returned to keep her awake most of the night.
As the sun rose and filled the Lord’s sitting room, the guards drowsily roused themselves and threw away the incriminating evidence of how they’d spent their night. It would not due for their lord to find out that they had spent the night drinking. Shortly after that, Lord Carvel awoke to the muffled cursings of his men as they discovered things missing from their pockets. Disgruntled, the lord rose and looked around. A startled oath left his own lips as he saw that his glasses were missing. He picked up the paper that was sitting in their place and squinted, trying to read the neat, precise handwriting.
“Thomas? Thomas!? What the hell does he think he’s doing? Guards! Send a message to Thomas, I want him here now, even if you have to drag him here in his pajamas.”
A guard saluted smartly and ran off to do as he was bidden, but he returned shortly. “My Lord, Thomas is out front waiting for you. He seems quite proud about something.”
Grumbling, Lord Carvel dressed himself and went outside. “Thomas! You have a lot of explaining to do boy, so get started.” He crossed his arms over his chest and waited expectantly.
Thomas bowed and took a deep breath. “My Lord, as you know, I implored you to allow Anita to begin taking small jobs, but you denied it saying that she needed more training. It has also come to my attention that you are missing several things. Do any of these things look familiar gentelmen?” He held forth the array of wallets and kerchiefs, which were immediately snatched up by the guards. “Also, do these look familiar my Lord?” He held up the reading glasses and Lord Carvel grunted. “I told you that Anita was ready, yet you doubted my word. I present to you, Lord Carvel, the thief that went through your house last night.”
At this he pulled Anita to stand in front of him. Lord Carvel grunted in approval. “Well done, Miss Anita. Pray tell though, how you managed to get passed my guards?”
She swallowed and tried to curtsy, “I just did as I was trained, m’Lord. Thomas has been an excellent teacher.” Nervously, she looked from lord to Thomas and back again, unsure of what to do or say next.
The lord watched her intently, then chuckled. “You did well, Anita. There aren’t many who could’ve gotten by my guards. It makes me wonder just what my guards were up to that made is so easy for you...” He glanced suspiciously at his guards who in turn looked away shamefully. “You, Thomas, made a very daring, if somewhat foolish decision. However, because it succeeded you have changed what could have been a disaster into good fortune. As you have proven that Miss Anita is indeed capable, I will allow her to do minor jobs, but only with professional supervision for a little while.”
Thomas and Anita both sighed with relief as Thomas gave a bow, “Thank you my Lord. You will not regret this decision.”
“See that you don’t cause me to, boy.”
With that, the lord returned to his home and Thomas and Anita to theirs. Once there he picked her up by the waist and spun around. “You did it! Now your future can really start...” Setting her down again on the floor, he bent his face to hers and kissed her deeply. Tonight, they would celebrate and soon she would start doing her own missions.
The days against passed into weeks and the weeks into months. Soon, it was nearly spring. Tiny buds were beginning to show on trees and bushes. Anita had learned a great deal from the Apothecary, though she still had not learned even a tenth of what the old man knew by heart.
She had also been on a vast array of minor missions, usually to steal some precious artifact that someone had seen moved into some lord’s house. Other times it was for fine cloths to be sold again by Carvel’s shops. It had all come to be quite an interesting life for the young half-angel girl, even if somewhat hectic. Along with her missions, she still continued her training with the Apothecary and he made no exceptions for the fact that she now took on jobs of her own. He still expected her to be at her class and to be studying hard.
Now it was evening and soon Thomas would be arriving to take her home. She knew the way of course, but Tom still did not trust the local boys, despite the fact that she’d made the trip on her own several times. Besides, it was rather nice having a personal escort everywhere you went. No one even dared to look at Tom the wrong way, so she felt perfectly safe walking arm in arm with him.
She hummed softly to herself as she began cleaning up from today’s lesson. Today she had learned a recipe for a food poisoning called Heaven’s Glory. It was rather simple to make and best of all, for her tastes, the victims would not likely realize that it was deadly until they were practically dead. Despite everything that Thomas had tried to do to get her over it, she still couldn’t stand the idea of cold-blooded murder without having given them at least a small chance of survival.
Just as she put the last book away, knocking was heard at the front door. Outside, Tom stood, a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. It had been a good four months since their last real date and he intended to rectify that tonight. He knocked once more, just to be sure they’d heard him, then waited patiently for Anita to appear.
“That must be Thomas. Am I all done for the night, Apothecary?”
The old man smiled softly. Anita had been the best pupil he’d had in a long time and he grown quite fond of her. He shooed her off toward the front door. “Go on, be off with you now, but mind you don’t be late for your lessons tomorrow.”
“I won’t be, I promise,” she called back over her shoulder. Opening the door, she looked around, confused when she didn’t see Thomas. Suddenly a hand on her shoulder pulled her back as a set of lips met hers in a sweet kiss.
“Surprise...” he whispered in her ear as he let her stand up and turn around. “These are for you, my dear.” The bouquet he held forth was made of early spring flowers, each seemingly as delicate as blown glass. He smiled at her gasp of her surprise and offered his arm. She took it almost absently as he began the usual walk back to their house.
He didn’t speak as they walked, admiring her perfect figure and silvery hair. He couldn’t see why he hadn’t seen it before that she couldn’t possibly be entirely human. His hair was coarse and brown, unlike the silken locks that flowed down Anita’s back. Still, he must have done something right, for she loved him as surely as he loved her.
The night air was still a bit frosty, so he quickened their pace. He’d set up once again, a lovely dinner at their house. The only difference this time being that he’d found a record player to play their dancing music on, rather than live musicians. The dinner was the same and as they walked through the front door, he could see that it was still steaming hot.
“Ohhh Tom!!”
Anita dashed in and quickly found a glass to put her flowers in and put them in the middle of the table. “How did you ever manage this? Nevermind, don’t tell me. I probably don’t want to know anyway. Well come on, what are you waiting for?”
He grinned at her response to the dinner date he’d set up. He found himself wishing he’d had the money to take her out to a hotel or something, but her reaction soothed his self-doubts in seconds. “All right, I’m coming,” he took a seat opposite of her after starting the record player.
The meal was simple, mouth-watering roast beef, tender vegetables, and creamy mashed potatoes with a little gravy on top. For drinks, he’d managed to buy a little red wine. He poured a small amount into each glass and then raised his, “A toast, to the most beautiful woman the Compound has ever seen.”
Anita smiled, but for once did not blush, as she too, raised her glass. “And to the best man it has ever held within it’s boundaries.” Each took a sip then and Tom refilled the glasses properly. They ate mostly in silence, each drinking in the other’s presence. Once the meal was finished, Tom stood to change the record. He had found the player and a few records in a dump, in nearly perfect condition. Figuring that if it was in the dump it was no longer wanted, he took it for his own.
“Shall we dance, my angel?”
((Warning: The following post contains sexual stuffage.))
A small smile parted her lips once again as she placed her hand in his and they danced. They danced for nigh unto an hour, long after the music on the record player had stopped playing, holding each other close. At last Tom stopped and using one hand, gently tilted her face upward for a kiss. She giggled quietly, then raised up on her tiptoes, “Stop acting like it’s the first time we’ve kissed. You drag it out too long when you do that.”
She wrapped her arms firmly around his neck and pressed her lips against his eagerly without giving him a chance to respond to her playful admonishment. At first the kiss was simple and sweet, but soon the inner most desires started taking over, causing the kiss to become deeper and more passionate. She murmured pleasant noises into his mouth as his hands caressed slowly over the luscious curves of her hips. They rested there for a moment, then one started making its way back up her slender frame to cup the perfect globes of her breasts, while the other stayed at the small of her back, supporting her even as his own pent up passions bade him to press harder.
His brown eyes met her grey ones briefly as their lips parted, then his tender lips began kissing her again, leaving a trail along her jaw and down to her neck. He smiled to himself as she let her head fall back, giving him better access to the creamy, smooth skin of her neck. Softly he slid a hand under her shirt as he began to move back toward the bed.
So far, the night was going perfect. It had been a long, agonizing time, since he had last tried this idea. There had been plenty of nights of simply making out, but she had always stopped him before he could get any further. Maybe tonight she would finally let loose, he certainly hoped so. She just didn’t seem to understand how irresistible he found her.
Anita was quickly losing herself in the passions of the night. His every touch and every caress of his lips against her skin fanned the flames of her desires hotter. As he pulled the hem of her shirt up, she stretched her arms up, not even noticing where he threw her shirt. Clad now in her bra and pants she leaned back as his lips crept lower, his lips pushing the soft fabric out of his way. Her knees hit the edge of the bed and she sat down suddenly, pulling him with her.
“Mmmmm ohh gods, Tom...”
He grinned to himself and continued to kiss her, letting his tongue flicker over her taut nipples even as his hands began to work her pants off. He savored every breathless moan that came from her perfect lips as he slowly trailed his hands back up her mostly naked body. He smiled mischievously down at her as he leaned over her, noting the pout on her face as she looked up at him.
“What is my angel?”
“You have far too many clothes on...”
“Oh is that all?” He laughed and pulled his own shirt off then knelt over her. “You have no idea what your very presence does to me,” he murmured as he bent low over her neck, nestling his body against hers as he began nibbling and sucking at her neck. She moaned softly, feeling the bulge of his manhood pressing against the confines of his pants just at the apex of her thighs.
“Ohhhhmmmm...I can guess...” she whispered in his ear as her hands massaged over his back. “Please...don’t torture me so...”
Thomas only grinned to himself, the beautiful Anita would be his entirely tonight and she would enjoy every minute of it until she could stand no more. He would see to it that her nightmares never plagued her again when it was time for a little fun with the one you loved.
A year passed and Anita became more and more skilled with being a thief and sometimes a poisoner. Usually, when someone needed to be killed it was needed to be an immediate thing, but sometimes, the girl was permitted to show off her talents for poisoning when the need was not so urgent. Most of the time though, she went on what Lord Carvel referred to as raids. A raid was simply when a three or four person team would enter a lord or lady’s home and take whatever they could that was valuable. These required a good deal of stealth and more than a little teamwork. While you were on a job, you were as responsible for your teammates as for yourself. Thus, it was usually decided that one person would be on lookout, one would provide distraction when needed, and the other would fill their bags with expensive trinkets and jewelry.
Tonight was to be one such night. Anita was teamed with Thomas and two of his best men. She had taken to wearing skin tight black pants and a skin tight black shirt that buttoned up to the neck. The shirt sleeves came all the way down to her wrists, but she didn’t wear gloves. Her hair was held up in a high ponytail so it would stay out of her face.
“I just don’t understand why he won’t let me move up!”
Irritation filled her voice as she paced back and forth. They were not to leave for tonight’s raid for another hour. In the meantime, she was once again venting her frustration about Carvel’s attitude toward letting her do anything beyond minor raids and the occasional poisoning.
“I’m fully capable if he’d just let me have a chance!”
Thomas sighed and looked over at her. She looked so sexy dressed as she was. It was all he could do not to tackle her to the floor and take her right then, but he pushed the thought away. They would have time for such things after tonight’s raid was completed.
“I know you are hun, but you’ll just have to be patient with Lord Carvel. He’s a bit stubborn and old fashioned and just doesn’t believe that you can possibly have advanced so quickly. Come over here and have a seat, you need to relax a bit before we head out tonight.”
She smiled ruefully and followed his instructions, only she chose to sit in his lap rather than the chair beside him. Sighing, she draped her arms around his neck and shoulders and leaned against his chest. He too, wore all black, but he did not wear his clothing anywhere near as tightly as Anita did. His black shirt left his arms bare to mid-way past the elbow. His pants, while not exactly baggy, were still loose.
“And what do you suggest I do to relax?”
A number of ideas popped into the man’s head all at once, all of them very naughty. He frowned as if thinking hard, trying to keep a good reign on his wants, “Well, the things I would like to do, we don’t have time for, so I guess you’ll have to settle for sitting right where you are for a little while.”
She laughed softly at his suggestion, then bent her head to kiss him lightly, “I suppose I can live with that, so long as I get to find out what some of those ideas were tonight when we get home...”
“Anything you say, Ani,” he promised with a grin. “Anything at all.”
A little over an hour later, four black clad figures stole through the deep shadows cast by flickering streetlights. There was no moon tonight and Anita could barely see her hand in front of her face. Thomas led the way, with his two men following close behind her. A small dagger hung at her belt. She didn’t like to bring it, but Thomas insisted that she bring it, just in case something happened and she needed it.
Thomas moved as silent as a shadow. All vestiges of the playfulness he had shown earlier with Anita were gone from his face. Over one shoulder he carried a length of rope with a padded three-prong hook on one end. This was to be their way in and out. The rope was 50' long, which was more than enough to reach the second story window he’d picked out the previous night.
Within the space of about 15 minutes, they were climbing over a low, garden wall and slipping quickly over the stone pathways up to a large manor. Motioning for his cohorts to stay hidden for a moment, Thomas lifted the coil of rope from his shoulder and began swinging the padded hook in a small circle. Gradually, the circle got bigger as he paid out small bits of rope until at last he sent it flying.
Thunk...
The noise was quite soft, but Thomas remained hidden in the shadows for a short time until he was certain no one had heard. He tested the rope once, pulling on it firmly, before signally to the other three to follow.
The room they entered was hardly more than a large storage room. At least, that was what it was used for. There were no valuables in here and no one slept in here, thus making it the perfect entry spot. Boxes of old clothes stood stacked against the walls. Here and there were some crates. A thick layer of dust told that it had been a very long time since anyone had even been in the room.
As they moved out of the room, the two other men moved ahead. Their nimble fingers quickly added a vast number of small trinkets they found on tables and any spare change that might be in the drawers. Thomas and Anita stood watch whilst the other two collected all they could. Both prepared to make a good distraction so the other two could escape.
Everything was going according to plan. No one in the house was awake. Even the guards had long since nodded off. The bags were now filled as full as they could be and still be carried easily. All that was left was the escape. Sometimes the most dangerous part.
Thomas led the way back to the window they’d come in by. Anita brought up the rear, keeping a lookout for anyone out to get a midnight drink or snack. So far, everything was still working fine. The other two thieves began their descent down the rope while Thomas steadied the hook and Anita watched the door. Thomas would still be last out, but as the strongest, he was needed to secure the hook against the extra weight of the stolen valuables.
“Ani! Come on it’s your turn.”
She turned at his whisper and shushed him with a hand motion, she could hear the creak of footsteps in the hallway. Moving now might alert the person making those creaking footsteps. She strained her ears to hear better, slowly pulling the door open bit by bit to look down the hall. The footfalls had stopped, but she couldn’t tell how far.
There, not three feet away, stood a young man with yellow hair. He yawned sleepily as he looked around, the lamp held in his hand raised just high enough to give him a good view of the surrounding hallway. He wore leather boots and a red jerkin with a leather vest over it. At his hip hung a long knife, but no sword. He appeared to be doing a round of the house. He was certainly not an ordinary servant or a member of the family, thus Anita reasoned he must be a guard.
Just as she was closing the door again, the young man turned and saw the door ajar and a single eye in the space between door and frame. He did not cry out, a simple thief was nothing to worry over. Even as Anita tried to slam the door shut, he kicked the door open, long knife in his hand. He looked about the room, trying to see the person he knew had been in there, then he spotted her. Leaping forward, he brought his arm diagonally across the back of the figure fleeing before him.
The figure screamed and turned on him, brandishing a knife as well, though not as long as his. The fleeing thief’s aim was far truer than the young guardsman’s. He fell to the floor with a gurgle as blood bubbled out of his mouth and throat. Anita stood over him, shock and disbelief on her face as she watched him die. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry...” she whispered to him, over and over again.
Thomas watched impassively. He had trained her well, though he had not expected her first kill to have come like this. Gently he pulled her away, “Come on, we have to get out of here before he’s missed. He was obviously on a patrol. Let’s go!” He shoved her toward the open window. Below the other two were still waiting for Thomas and Anita to join them, wondering what could possibly be taking so long.
Anita moved numbly. She couldn’t believe it. She had just killed a man. She had not been intending to slit his throat. Only cut him well enough to make him back off for a few minutes. A few minutes were all they’d need. She didn’t even notice the long cut from shoulder to waist. Thomas noted it though and pushed her along even faster. Once she was at the bottom, he hurried down, using a tick of the rope to get the hook back down. He thrust the coiled rope and prong to one of his men.
“Here, I have to carry her, she’s badly hurt and in shock. Move!”
The other two nodded and moved quickly. They did not stop to question Thomas, if they wanted to know more, they could wait till they were safely back at the Compound. Thomas lifted the stunned and still disbelieving Anita onto his back piggyback style and searched for a garden door. She would not be able to climb the wall and he could not do it and carry her too.
Searching along the wall, he began to doubt he would find a back garden door, but luck was with him that night. He breathed a sigh of relief as his hand fell on a doorknob. Turning it quickly, heedless of the loud squeal of protest the hinges made, he opened it, slipped through and closed it again in a few short seconds. Then the three men were running as quickly as they could back to their base.
Anita, only held tightly to Thomas as she stared off into space, unable to get the picture of the yellow-haired guardsman dying out of her mind.
All three men stopped at Thomas’s house as they entered the Compound. One of them, a black-haired man cursed as he set his bag down. “What was all that about? What happened up there?”
“Be quiet!” Thomas snapped as he set Anita down on their bed. “There was a guard. He saw something and came to investigate. He got a good shot on Anita, but she got him back tenfold. He won’t be discovered for another hour at least, I hope.”
“What did she do?”
Anita stared ahead of her, half listening to their conversation, “I killed him...” She paused for a moment, then began weeping, “I killed him, Thomas. I didn’t want to, but I did!”
Thomas moved in front of her, holding her close, careful of her wound. “Hush, he didn’t give you any choice. I told you this would happen one day, that you needed to toughen up and get used to the idea. Rodan, go get a Healer. Her back needs someone with far more skill than I possess. Hurry!”
Grumbling to himself, the black-haired man left the one room house. The other man, stood quietly by, watching. He had always like Anita, but like Thomas knew that her dislike for killing outright would be a bad thing for her. He moved quietly over to her side.
“Anita, you’ll be okay. You didn’t have a choice. If you hadn’t you would have been caught or possibly killed. You did what you had to do and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You don’t understand,” she wailed, scrubbing at her eyes, “I didn’t want him to die! I wasn’t aiming for his throat!”
Thomas and his friend watched her helplessly, both had been raised on the streets. Her distress at having killed someone was foreign to two who had grown up with it as another grew up playing hopscotch or ring around the rosy. Unable to say anything, Thomas only held her and nodded to other man to go. “Take the bags and go get it all turned in. There’s nothing you can do here, thank you.”
He left and as he did, an old woman carrying a large bag strode in through the door. She clucked her tongue to herself as she looked Anita over. “Thank you, Rodan. I need you to leave now. Thomas, I want water on that stove of yours. Get it hot but not boiling.”
While Thomas reluctantly left Anita to do as the Healer bade him, the old woman began unbuttoning Anita’s shirt. “This will hurt child, but I cannot fix up your wound otherwise.” Her words were soft and soothing as she gently pulled the now ruined shirt off of Anita and helped the wounded girl to lay down on her stomach.
Thomas brought the pot of hot water over to the Healer and watched Anita anxiously. “Will she be alright, Healer?”
“Hush, she will be fine,” she spoke softly in Anita’s ear as she wetted a clean cloth in the hot water and began to tenderly clean the long cut. Her lips pursed as Anita jerked away from the stinging cloth with an anguished cry of pain. “Help hold her, Thomas. I do not want her jerking around and making that even worse. Anita, child, I know it hurts, but I’ve got to get to get it clean.”
Hearing her cries of pain tore at Thomas’ heart, but he held her down. Once clean, the cut did not look as bad as he had first thought. Anita’s cries faded as the Healer began applying a thick cream to the girl’s back. “I do not think it will scar, but I can’t be sure with skin as fair as hers. She is to be off duty for at least a week. I will return then to check on her and be sure it is healing properly. Make sure she relaxes. You hear me, Anita? You are to relax for the next week and heal up. There,” she said satisfactorily, “all we need now is to bandage it up. Come on, sit up.”
While Thomas helped Anita hold her arms up, the Healer quickly wrapped Anita’s entire torso, from just under her arms all the way down to her waist, in a long bandage. When she had Anita completely wrapped, she cut the bandage with a small knife and tied it off. “There, now all you should need is rest. Don’t touch that bandage and don’t do anything to agitate your wound.”
Standing, she quickly re-packed the many herbs she had laid out around her and left the two alone. Anita lay back down on her stomach, her face turned outward. Silent tears trickled steadily down her face. Thomas sighed as he watched her.
“It’s different, Thomas,” she spoke, answering his unspoken question. “With poison they always stand a chance if they get to a Healer in time. I didn’t give that young man any kind of chance. I whirled around, knife drawn, and then he was at my feet, dying...”
Thomas pulled one of the two chairs over and sat down, taking her hand in his, “Anita, love, I know it’s hard, but I saw the whole thing. He didn’t give you much of a chance either, striking at your back like he did. He also struck first. You acted in self-defense, Ani. There is no shame in that.”
Anita only partially heard him, “If I hadn’t have opened that door to check the hallway, he would never have bothered to go in that room. He would still be alive if I hadn’t have been so stupid as to open that door.”
“You did the right thing in opening that door to check. True, it turned out badly, but the important thing is that there are no witnesses to our theft or your kill. We got away and even though you’re hurt, you’ll be okay in a week or so. Try and get some rest love. You deserve it after tonight.” He kissed the back of her head gently and left her alone with her thoughts.
Watching her from across the room he sighed and wished, not for the first time, that he had not had such a rough childhood. Orphaned at an early age, he had grown up on the streets. After a year or so, thievery had become second nature to him. It was only natural when a boy had to steal in order to feed himself that he should get good at it.
It was on one afternoon that he’s picked the pocket of a man that later called himself Lord Carvel. The man was a thief himself and thus could appreciate the skill for one so young. Thomas smiled to himself as his thoughts continued down memory lane. Most people would have turned Thomas in, but Carvel did not. Instead, he took the young 12 year old under his wing and taught him everything he knew.
Having grown up on the streets, killing was something Thomas was used to seeing. Thus, it was no surprise when Carvel starting teaching the young Thomas how to do just that as quickly and efficiently as possible.
He frowned now, had his parents not died when he was so young, he would be an entirely different man. Instead of living in a one room hovel, he could be married with a lovely wife and a good job. Still frowning, he made himself more comfortable in his chair and settled in for sleep. He would not get into bed now. Doing so might disturb Anita who had finally cried herself to sleep. He remembered his first kill well and it was nothing like Anita’s.
A week passed and the Healer returned to find that Anita was healing quite nicely. There would be a very thin scar, but one would hardly notice it unless they looked. She did not need to come back at all, for which Thomas was glad. Though he would not have to pay her himself, he knew that Carvel disliked having to spend too much on healing anyone save himself.
All week, Anita hardly spoke or ate. Her silence bothered Thomas, but he figured it was probably her still being in shock over her first kill. He wished there was more he could or say to make her feel better, but nothing he said or did seemed to help. Sighing resignedly, he concluded that he would just have to bide his time.
*******
Three years later, Anita had still managed not to kill another soul directly as she had that young guard. It still bothered her every now and then, but she didn’t let it show. For the most part, she had recovered from the incident. She was now one of the best thieves and assassins in Carvel’s employ. She and Thomas still lived together and she loved him now more than ever before, if that was possible.
She had started to worry about him when he went on missions though. Lately, there had been news of thieves being set up and caught. Now, every time he went out, she worried that it was a trap. She told him so on many occasions, but he always laughed it off and said he could smell a trap a mile off.
This week, a lord had been spotted moving a large vault into his manor. Doubtless, it was to be used to store his most valuable possessions, but it was locked with both a key and a combination. She groaned inwardly at the sparkle in Carvel’s eyes when he heard the news. That sparkle meant only one thing, a grand heist.
For their own protection, only those that would be involved in the heist were told about it. Anita only knew about it because Thomas told her despite Carvel’s warnings not to speak of it. Now, it was the night of the heist and Anita could not shake a bad feeling about the whole thing.
“Thomas, please! Tell him you’re sick or something, anything! Just please don’t go tonight.”
“I don’t know why you’re so upset, you said yourself you understood why you weren’t on the team. We’ve done this before, it’ll be easy.”
She shook her head, “I just have a really bad feeling about it, love. Something bad is going to happen, I just know it.”
He chuckled and kissed her cheek, “Stop being such a worrywart. We’ll be fine and back before you know it.”
She frowned, sighed, and gave up the battle she’d already lost from the beginning, “Well, okay,” raising up on her toes she kissed him deeply, “I love you, Thomas.”
“I love you, too, babe,” he answered after returning her kiss. He strode quickly out of the house to join the rest of his 5-man team. Anita watched, worriedly, until they moved on out of sight.
Minutes later, Thomas and his cohorts stood outside, just half a block from their destination. They had pulled heists like this before and each knew what his job would be once they were inside. With a little nosing around, the location of the vault had been given to them. All they needed now was to get in, get the loot, and get out. Piece of cake.
Above them many sets of eyes watched and waited, patiently.
Thomas’ team moved easily and soon they were inside without a hitch. He smiled to himself, once again Anita had been worried over nothing. The vault was on the second floor in a room that faced the street. The five men moved stealthily up the stairs and through the manor, each as silent as his own shadow.
Once inside the vault room, one of them bent next to the vault, his ear pressed tightly to the door as he carefully began turning the dial. He grinned as a tiny click only he could hear, sounded in his ear. Then he pulled a tool from his pocket and got to work on the keyhole. In a trice the door unlocked and several things happened at once.
Suddenly, the room was filled with soldiers and light. Confusion reigned on the faces of all five men, but they didn’t pause to try to figure things out. Their weapons drawn, they began to fight for their lives. Each man, though, seemingly had his work cut out for him. The soldiers that each faced seemed to know each and every weakness, even though they had never fought each other before. All too soon, the theives were overtaken, though not killed. It took all the soldiers to get the men to the wagon waiting outside to carry them to jail, but eventually they managed the task. The whole fight had taken little more than five minutes. In the morning, justice would be carried out.
Back at the house, Anita waited anxiously for Thomas’s return. She was startled when a soft knock was heard on the door. Taking her lamp with her, she opened the door a crack then opened it wider to admit Rodan. “What is it, Rodan?”
“You have to flee. I’ve just heard, there’s been a rat somewhere. There were soldiers waiting for our men. Whoever betrayed them has surely betrayed us all.” He paused at her stricken look, “I’m sorry, Anita. It was bound to happen one day, but I promised him that if anything ever happened to him, I’d take care of you. Now come on, we have to get out of here.”
Swallowing her tears, Anita packed only a few changes of clothes, her belt and weaponry. Rodan produced a large, hooded cloak and she put it on distractedly. “I don’t understand though, why should I flee? Can’t Lord Carvel do anything?”
“Not really. About all he’ll do now is disband. There’s nothing else for him to do unless we can find the rat. There are some that will believe that it was you, since we all know that Thomas tells you just about everything. You ready? Good, let’s go then.” He led the way into the night, away from the house that had become her home for the last four years. The house that she had spent so many happy times in. Deep within herself she promised, that if she ever found out who had betrayed Thomas, there wouldn’t be any force on the face of Althanas to stop her killing that rat.
Overnight a gallows had been built for the newest prisoners. Caught in the act, no trial was necessary. A large crowd had gathered to watch their sentence, to be hung by the neck until dead, carried out. Anita moved diffidently through the crowd, carefully working her way up front, still clad in her hooded cloak. Rodan had tried to keep her from going to the hanging, but she had been resolute.
She looked around anxiously, trying to see if they had the prisoners out yet. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw them at last, being led on rope leads, with their hands tied behind their backs, up the stairs to the waiting nooses. She didn’t hear a single word the hangman said as he read off the proclamation decreeing that these men were to die. She only looked up longingly at the face of the man she loved, her heart in throat.
Thomas and his comrades stood non-chalantly, not looking at anyone in the crowd, waiting for their sentence. Each had known the dangers of their profession and now their time had run out. For a brief moment before the hangman began putting the nooses around their necks, Thomas looked down and saw Anita standing there. He would have told her to get away, not to watch, but he could not do that without drawing attention to her. A single tear of regret that she would see this trickled down his cheek as he mouthed the words, “I love you, Anita.”
The hangman prodded him with a comment about tears not going to help him now and Thomas turned and spat at the man. This only earned him a hard punch to the gut, but Thomas didn’t care. He looked back at Anita and took comfort that she was not afraid to watch him die and that she would be there till the end. He half smiled as he read her lips, “I love you too, Thomas.”
With a push of the handle, all five men dropped, their feet kicking as they fought for the breath slowly being denied them. Though it brought a flood of tears to her eyes, Anita stayed where she was until Thomas moved no more. Then, she turned at last and left the square. She left Radasanth altogether, fleeing the memories that haunted her there. In the moment of Thomas’ death, she steeled her heart to the world, building up walls that no man could ever break down. Walls that she never intended to allow to be broken. No one could ever match up to what Thomas had been.
Witchblade
08-14-06, 09:27 PM
Introduction: - 7 The introduction had a soft, slow feel to it. It didn’t grab the attention of the reader right away, jarring them into the storyline; it explained things in a comfortable home setting. The reader was gradually introduced into what was going on and what was happening in the world of Anita and Thomas and right in the first post you gave descriptions for both of them immediately letting the reader know what they looked like. Sometimes in solo’s descriptions of characters can be forgotten because you’re not interacting with anyone but you and you know what your character looks like.
The one thing that would have been better would be a brief explanation on how the two characters came to meet. Just Anita herself reflecting on something of the past would have helped because not everyone would want to look back through the older quest.
Setting: - 6 The setting was described and used, however not as much as one would expect in a quest where someone is doing stealth missions. There were plenty of times when descriptions were given of the surroundings, including a very nice one of The Apothecary’s, but not very much interaction. As a trained assassin you should be using things as cover, slinking from shadows to shadow. Having some of that thrown into the training aspect would have been a good idea too, if Anita is being trained on how to sneak into people’s houses it would have been interesting to have her practice at night in an abandoned home of some kind.
Strategy: - 6 I would have liked to have seen more strategy used by the characters themselves. There was nothing wrong with what they were doing; however they were on breaking and entering missions. You could have made it a lot more suspenseful and interesting to throw in some situations where they had to use their wits and skills to get out of there.
Dialogue: - 7 The dialogued seemed to fit the story well. There were times of awkwardness between characters and other times where their words just flowed freely between them. It would have been nice to see more conversation between Anita and the Apothecary though, he seemed like a very interesting character that played an important role with her yet never really stood out.
Character: - 7 Your characters were beautifully portrayed in each of their own lights. Anita’s moral high ground of not wanting to kill anyone without giving them a chance was an interesting spin on things. Especially with Thomas taking the moral low ground and basically trying to tell her it’s a kill or be killed world. The two of them meshed extremely well together, their personalities playing off of one another.
The Apothecary—love the name—was an interesting character. He was there to teach Anita how to poison people and give them a fighting chance, though in reality he was doing no such thing and she was still killing them. His character just sat there to explain how to work poisons to Anita. He was interesting but you never gave anymore on him than that, which was a little disappointing.
Now, the love story that blossomed between Thomas and Anita. It was very well done, however, was it just done to jade the character? Though Thomas seems to admire Anita and any reader can kind of guess what’s coming up next, the line ‘never, ever, fall in love’ at the end of your fourth post threw me off. It seemed like love came out of nowhere and punched Thomas in the face because there’s no realization of it, nothing, just that one line until the wooing begins. Perhaps some thing from Anita’s point of view about how much more she’s beginning to like Thomas would have been nice, she just seems to fall for him out of nowhere.
Rising Action: - 6 The rising action in this story isn’t huge. The whole thing just kind of gradually and slowly builds itself up from the beginning. There’s no huge slope to suddenly keep you on the edge of your toes, that being said it’s not a boring story at all. Perhaps some more suspenseful moments in the breaking and entering department would have added some more excitement. It’s your discretion really.
Climax: - 6 This one is a little tricky to pinpoint actually. The major climax of the story is either Thomas getting hung, or the scene where they’re being caught. Both of those are climactic events that can’t outshine the other with the way they’re set up. There are also smaller ones along the way like them finally having sex and her breaking into Carvel’s house. All of these scenes were nicely done, though they could have used a little more rising action to pump the reader up to them and get them ready for it.
Conclusion: - 9 The conclusion was beautifully written. The emotions were clearly present and the thoughts of each character wonderfully portrayed. Though it was a sad ending it was a beautiful one and I do have to say I don’t think anything needs to be changed about it. It flowed just the way it needed to and the characters did just the right things for their own personality.
Writing Style: - 7 Your writing style is very easy to read. It’s simple and elegant and you explain things and describe things just enough. You don’t go into heavy detail about your surroundings or about descriptions of things yet that it not missed, probably because of the vibrancy of your characters. They make the story.
There are a few things you have to watch out for though. Sentence likes this; ‘She wasn’t exactly sure what kind of job she was training for anymore, but she had promised, back on her first day of training, that she would do whatever he asked her to do, no matter how strange it sounded.’ Now there are a lot of comas in that sentence to break it up, making it choppy and uncomfortable to read. You could just as easily say; ‘Anita was no longer sure what kind of job she was training for anymore. But she’d promised on her first day that she’d do whatever Thomas asked her to do, no matter how strange it sounded.’ It doesn’t break it up and draw the readers attention away from the story yet brings them further into it.
Also watch out for things like this; ‘The night that had been so peaceful and nice was now no longer not so nice.’ All you have to do there is remove one of the negative and change other words around accordingly so it doesn’t lose the flow. Two negatives in the same sentence will cancel each other out and make it positive, so be careful with that.
Wild Card: - 8 I really enjoyed reading this quest. It flowed nicely and all of your characters had some part or another to place. They weren’t just floating out there in space for the heck of it. The ending was especially well written, extremely emotional. I almost cried. I’m sure with a longer quest and more of an attachment to Thomas I would have cried.
Now onto some of the things you wanted taken note of. Your post lengths are fine. There’s nothing that needs to be changed about them. Everyone posts differently, especially in solo quests. I don’t see a need for them to be broken up. However, if you’re looking to do that just take a dramatic point in the post i.e. when they’re breaking into the house and Anita gets spotted. Stop there and continue on with that in your next post, that leaves a climactic point in the story where the reader can’t wait to see what happens next.
As for your flash back sequence, there was nothing wrong with it. However if you want some advice to make things more dramatic, as Thomas is kissing Anita she could perhaps close her eyes for a moment or look to the ceiling. Feeling the bite of fingers into flesh as he holds her down painfully she could glance down at him only to see the face of her stepfather instead of Thomas.
When doing flashbacks, depending on the situation, a dramatic way of showing it occur is usually the best, especially if it’s not a fond memory. This is will help the reader realize the trauma within the character.
Total Score: 69
Anita Receives 1,400 Experience!
Anita Receives 200 GP!
Zieg dil' Tulfried
08-15-06, 03:48 PM
EXP and GP added!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.