A Heavy-hearted Work of Staggering Genius: Travis v. Christoph

[A Nony Mouse]

The sunrise on the distant horizon marked the beginning of yet another day for Travis Kiltias. From his perch high above the desert floor, the young adventurer scanned the battleground laid out before him. Colossal towers of stone reached from the sand to poke holes in the clouds far above, their weather-worn sides a quiet testament to the years they had stood strong. Travis ran his hands over the polished stone, wondering what untold memories waited just below the surface. If only the rocks could speak, he reflected. What tales would they tell?

Pulling his fingers from the stone seat, the red-haired wanderer pulled a scroll from his belt and unfurled it. In ornate lettering, the parchment bore the seal of the Dajas Pagoda near the top. The ink was still tacky, for Travis had taken it from an Ai’Bron monk only minutes before entering his arena.

Master Kiltias, it read. Your challenger today is a fellow Hierarch, Warrior Knighton. 20 years of age, formerly employed as a chef, fights with a variety of bladed and blunt weapons. The scroll contained the usual litany of details garnered about the challenger; Travis scanned them before turning his attention elsewhere.

He sighed and looked up from the rolled parchment to gaze longingly into the sun before him. It stung his eyes, but he ignored the discomfort and soaked in the beautiful image. Even in this place, fabricated by magical means solely to suit his needs, Travis Kiltias felt memories of his childhood flowing about him. “Perhaps the magic of the Pagoda is more than mere illusion,” the redhead pondered. The Pillars of Creation were an exact replica of a place near Travis’ home; a place where the young wanderer had nearly starved to death before his father had found him. The knowledge from the harrowing experience would serve useful in the battle to come; information gained at a steep price.

The Pagoda Master had traveled across Althanas for nearly two years before returning to the city of Scara Brae with a mind to prove himself. He’d rubbed shoulders with many notable people in his journeys and had got it in his head to make a name for himself. That was when the headstrong fighter had stumbled across the Dajas Pagoda. For Travis, the Pagoda was an outward realization of an inner struggle; matching wits with ranked champions in a test of might was a way for the adventurer to finally put many life lessons to good use. And it showed. In the short time he had been in the Pagoda, young Travis Kiltias had flown through the ranks and bested many worthy challengers who had come his way.

But no amount of victories could shake the haunting memory of his very first battle.

Travis Kiltias was a firm believer in learning from the mistakes of the past and he had done so since his fight with Monica when he had been just another challenger. Ever since that first battle, the red-haired fighter had only improved. And here before him was just one more chance to do so; against another Hierarch who likely had a similar experience. However, no matter how solid the victory, the Pagoda Master felt… incomplete. He couldn’t shake the feeling entirely, but he did push it aside to focus on the ensuing battle.

Just as the Pagoda Master was about to return the scroll to its place in his belt, he saw a hastily scrawled message near the bottom. It read, Expect stiffer resistance from Christoph than from any of the challengers you have faced thus far. One of the monks had obviously felt the need to warn the redhead of the caliber of opponent he would be facing. With a genuine smile on his lips, Travis tucked the scroll in his belt with the warning at the forefront of his mind.

Reflecting on just what that would mean for him, Travis Kiltias began the long, arduous climb from his lofty perch back toward the labyrinthine confines that waited below. A battle in the Pillars of Creation was going to be a test of wits as well as a test of strength; precisely what the Master intended. Christoph Knighton certainly had his work cut out for him.

[Christoph]

Christopher Knighton was not the sort of person easily angered, offended, or annoyed to any great degree. His skin was thick and almost impossible to get under. He rarely acted out of rage, instead choosing to steel his solid will and act rationally. The Dajas Pagoda Warrior prided himself on his prudence and soundness of mind.

He prided himself on many other things as well: his intelligence and wit, his martial prowess, and his fantastic culinary aptitude. Indeed, though not necessarily arrogant, Chris could be described as a proud man. Though he did his best to mask it, this pride would often spur him into rash action where other emotions would fail to motivate him. That was exactly what happened on pleasantly sunny, slow afternoon at the famous Scara Brae warrior temple.

“Travis Kiltias?” the chef demanded, waving a fresh piece of cream-colored parchment in front of the head Monk of the Pagoda. “Travis Kiltias as a Master?”

“Thank you for informing me,” snorted the elderly monk; he was clearly not amused or interested. The ancient member of the Gol’Bron wore a heavy brown cloak with a cowl that covered much of his winked, withered face. He didn’t even look at Christopher as he spoke. “Although I’m sure you’re aware that I already knew.”

“But why? Kiltias is one of the least impressive members of the Warrior rank,” sighed Chris, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “What qualifies him to hold the position of Master as opposed to… to…”

“You?” finished the Monk, finally making eye contact.

Chris forced a shrugged and looked away. “Well... yes.”

The old man gave a raspy, dry laugh. “I suppose that I should remind you that this is the Dajas Pagoda. If you believe yourself to be more deserving of young Kiltias’s rank, issue an official challenge and attempt to take it for yourself.”

Whatever response the chef had been forming immediately evaporated. “Very well, then, I will! I shall duel Travis tomorrow.” With that, the Pagoda Warrior left the room, not even realizing until he was gone that the Monk still hadn’t answered his actual question.

* * * * *

The next morning found the chef trekking over coarse sand, the unforgiving sun rising over the horizon to launch its morning assault. Immensely tall towers stretched into the sky like stone arms. And all of this was indoors somehow Chris shook his head, not even wanting to theorize about the Monk’s methods.

The Warrior pulled the collar of his loose chef coat over his face, squinting as sporadic winds stirred up licks of sand to lash at his face. He hung to the walls of towers, using the shade they provided to hide from the sun’s glare. The arena, if it could be called that, was immense and mazelike. One could easily those his way in the jumble of sand and masonry. No doubt that was the elusive Master’s intention – to gain an advantage by confounding challengers. Of course, Kiltias would need all the advantage he could get against Knighton.

The warrior-chef was prepared for battle. His enchanted Prevalida gauntlets encased his hands and forearms like a second skin, making his hands more akin to claws and channeling supernatural strength through his entire body. An assortment of knives and cleavers, including his prized Prevalida chef, were strapped to his belt. Finally, strapped to his back was his most prized possession, his devastatingly powerful, rune-encrusted Prevalida longsword.

Yes, it could be said that the chef had a certain fondness for the valuable, bluish metal. He’d accumulated enough of it in the past two years to feed a large village for a decade. He prided himself on that as well, but he didn’t dwell on it. He needed to remain alert. With his opponent nowhere in sight, Chris could only suspect that mischief and cunning was afoot.

Fortunately, he was better at both.

[A Nony Mouse]

The temperature dropped drastically in the deep shadows of the Pillars of Creation, but sweat still dampened the Pagoda Master’s clothing as he dropped the few feet remaining to the desert floor. A flash of light from the portal had signaled his adversary’s entrance when he had still been high in the air; Travis assumed that the warrior chef was close now. Soon… the redhead thought. He still had some preparing to do.

When a younger Travis had gotten lost in the Pillars near his homeland, his father had told him many tales concerning the massive obelisk-like stones. One far-flung theory that Travis particularly enjoyed was that of a meteor from the heavens crashing into the desert with enough force to change the landscape drastically. It made sense to Travis because most of the spires rose from a solid mass of rock that had a multitude of tunnels and paths carved through it. However, today it mattered little why the formation had come to be; Travis simply needed to use it to his advantage.

Several yards away from the base of the stone tower he had just climbed down, the Master retrieved his equipment and quickly fitted on his armor. His slick forearms slid easily into his Damascus bracers and the leather straps on the back of his greaves were soon soaked through. It’s hotter than I remember, the Master noted as he wiped sweat from his eyes.

His steel chainmail lay back in his room; unneeded in such close quarters as it would only give away his position and hamper his movements. He’d left the helm with it; visibility would be a key part of this battle. Snatching his polearm from where it rested against a stone wall, Travis Kiltias suddenly tensed as he heard movement behind him. His heavy dehlar short sword still leaned against the wall, but it was forgotten as his senses kicked into high alert. Christoph was near, the game was about to begin.

Travis leapt onto the low shelf in front of him and followed it as it rose from the sand below. Like a hungry spider, the red-haired adventurer would stalk his prey until it had no means of escape. Only then would he go all out in the hope of victory.

His opponent needed only to take that first tentative step onto the glistening strand.

If you need clarification of the arena, shoot me a PM or hit me up on IM.

[Christoph]

The vast area within the ring of towers formed a sandy maze of rocky steppes and cliffs. Narrow trails snaked between ledges and through dark tunnels. The air was still and quiet, the natural barriers blocking out the wind-swept sands swirling outside of the circle. Even so, one could easily get lost in there.

The chef crept between the ridges, keeping his exposed angled as limited as possible. The best way to spot an opponent before being spotted was to keep as small of a visible radius as possible. His sword remained sheathed; it would only serve to hamper his ability to squeeze through tunnels and around tight corners quietly. Besides, he didn’t need a weapon to be deadly.

He reached out with his senses as he snuck from rock to rock, hole to hole, ever alert for movement. Still, there was nothing save for the faint, distant cry of carrion birds. It was odd for him to put such enthusiasm into a duel at the Pagoda. Most likely, challenging up the ranks, as opposed to accepting challengers, actually gave Chris something to gain. The power of ambition was certainly formidable.

Chris was a lone wolf, stalking his prey through a forest of stone and sand. Finally, he made his way to a protected protrusion from the natural desert quarry. It was a massive, jagged chunk of sandstone with a smooth crevice large enough to serve as the chef’s observation perch. From that vantage point, he scanned his field of vision, eyeing for any motion in the labyrinth below him.

[A Nony Mouse]

As the sun rose lazily into the sky, reluctant to start its day, the red-haired adventurer scanned the arena from his vantage point on the east side of the labyrinth. Christoph was here, he knew that much. However, the wily chef could be anywhere, just waiting for his chance to strike. Travis exhaled deeply, there was more resting on this battle than any of the previous ones he had been in. More than just his pride was at stake.

Tom Carraway, Edward Judorne, and Jessie; all three of these fighters had been no match for the Pagoda Warrior. His fighting style and battle tactics pleased the Ai’Bron monks; his scores proved it. They had obviously taken a liking to him, just what did that mean? Now, as a Pagoda Master, young Travis Kiltias felt the pressure to live up to their expectations even greater. Could he let down whatever unseen force waited in the shadows? Would losing place him out of their favor?

As much as it bothered the traveler, he understood that politics often played a much larger part in the Pagoda than other Hierarchs might like to admit. The subjective scores of the judgments showed that well enough. Shaking his head in irritation, the redhead returned to scanning the battlefield. A splash of color caught his eye in the sunlight, blue and white against a sandstone outcropping of red. Just below him and several yards to the right, Travis spotted the partially covered form of his adversary. Time to act.

With calculated action, the Master reached down to the ground and selected one of the five smooth stones he had gathered before arriving at his perch. The small stones would serve as his assistants in trapping the Warrior among the Pillars of Creation. As a smile crept onto the redhead’s lips, he let fly in the direction of Christoph.

The black projectile launched out from the wall and then plummeted threw the air like a diving hawk. Gaining speed as it fell, the stone streaked past his enemy and continued down to the desert floor below. He had missed the chef, but that had not been his goal. A loud clang sounded through the rocky maze as the stone struck his dehlar short sword where it rested against the wall, its echo reverberating and growing quickly in intensity. A lesser foe would be confused by the noise, unable to pinpoint its location. However, Travis had faith in his adversary; he was sure that Christoph would track the sound and close in on it with haste. Neither fighter wanted to battle to drag on like this.

Hoping that he had spurred the chef into action, the Pagoda Master slunk down the rock shelf he had come up and ran across the battlefield. His vision of Christoph’s position was obscured, but he knew that up ahead he would be granted a window of opportunity. A rock formation jutted from the ground, a giant replica of the end of a needle stuck into the fabric of the desert. Heaving himself up the coarse surface of the sandstone, the Master poked his head through the opening and scanned the floor below.

The Warrior hadn’t arrived yet and so Travis dropped from his vantage point and raced to his left. A small dropoff loomed before him, three medium-sized boulders waiting near its lip. As soon as the unsuspecting chef entered the clearing below to investigate the noise, one boulder would be dropped over his exit. With steep walls surrounding him on all sides, Christoph would be hedged in and forced to use any ranged weapons that he had to attack Travis.

The Pagoda Master smiled as he braced himself against the first boulder; he hoped that Warrior Knighton had a plan of his own. “But I’m one step ahead,” he whispered, hoping that he was right.

[Christoph]

The chef didn’t move at first. Instead, he merely stared down in disgusted disbelief. Was Travis serious? Did he seriously just resort to throwing a stone to cause a diversion? Perhaps it could have worked if Warrior hadn’t possessed sharp eyes and occupied higher ground. Still, his foe’s lack of originality annoyed the Chris. He desired nothing more at that moment than to shout, ‘hey idiot, I can see you!’ even as the so-called Master lurked through the forest of rock to spring whatever trap he had concocted.

He didn’t shout, of course. That would have denied him an opportunity. He would need to climb down and surrender his commanding position, he realized, because though he could see his opponent, the distance and physical obstacles between them would render any attempt at flinging fireballs from his vantage point futile. Yes, he would climb down, letting Travis believe that his uninspired ruse had worked for the crucial moments leading up to the next move currently forming in Christopher’s mind.

That next move in this deadly clash of wits would be so outrageously daring that it was sure to find its way into the history lore of the Dajas Pagoda. He would dance over tops of the jagged rocks below him and fall mercilessly upon his foe from above.

Without wasting any more time, Chris began his climb down, relying on the clawed gauntlets and the unnatural strength that they provided to navigate the side of the rock without needing much focus. He circled around the massive, angular boulder like primate through trees so that he would vanish from his foe’s view for a brief moment. He mumbled arcane formulae as he went, feeling magical energy flow over him like wind, wrapping its tendrils around his body at his whim.

Three of his charms would do the trick. He knew their words and powers by heart. The first, Wind Feet, allowed the chef to defy gravity and spring over ten feet into the air from off the side of his rock. Next, he cast Titan’s Strength, instilling within his body the might cling to the boulder he jumped to with nothing more than the claws on his gauntlets. Last came the charm Dazzling Swiftness, which bestowed upon him the catlike grace needed to hop from rock to rock, closing the gap between the chef and his obscured opponent in mere seconds.

One final superhuman leap propelled the challenger into the air over his opponent. Blinding blue fire swirled around his body. With a mighty shout, he descended upon his foe – his prey – like an avenging angel. He carefully calculated his landing to be just outside of Travis’s spear range. He struck the ground with a flash of light and a billow of smoke, the product of yet another cantrip. He followed up immediately with a devastation shockwave of singing fire, which possessed the power to knock grown men from their feet.

No doubt the so-called Master saw, or at lest heard, the challenger coming. That was fine, though. He most certainly hadn’t expected such fury and power. Why inspire surprise, Chris reasoned, when you can inspire shock and awe?

[A Nony Mouse]

The warcry above him was the first indication that something had gone terribly wrong. Travis had tracked his opponent as he dropped toward the desert floor, but then had lost track of him for a few moments. How the chef had managed to climb a pillar in that short amount of time, navigate across the arena, and surprise the Master was a mystery. But as the blue and white blur that was Christoph Knighton fell from the sky, Travis spurred himself to action.

Slipping past one of the boulders as his adversary his the ground, the red-haired warrior forced every muscle in his legs to thrust from the ledge in unison. The stunning result being that he then soared out into the air several feet further than he’d expected to. The heat from Christoph’s fireball licked at his heels, but he was safely away from its devastating effects. Then he began to fall.

There was a split second in midair where Travis Kiltias felt in control of where he would land. He had several plans; possibly hit the ground rolling, land and absorb the blow, anything that would let him keep his momentum rather than become stunned. However, as he reached the apex of his daring leap, the redhead realized one thing. It was a long way to the sandy floor below.

A yell escaped his throat as he plummeted through the air, his arms pinwheeling cartoonishly as he did. Leather boots struck sand, erupting in a shockwave from the site of impact, and Travis fell to the ground. Hard. With a grunt, the Pagoda Master put a hand to his side, pressing where it hurt the most. In an already unmatched battle, he had just dug himself deeper in the hole. His chances of winning were severely reduced, but that didn’t mean it was impossible.

He picked himself up as quickly as he was able, for he was sure that his opponent would follow with haste. Finishing off an enemy after a stunt like that wouldn’t be hard. Travis knew he had to keep moving. Swinging his Akashima redwood spear from its place on his back, the Master turned to face the cliff that he had just left. He had sealed his fate; this was to be the final battleground. And though it hadn’t exactly been on his terms, this was in fact the place Travis had chosen. One thing is going to plan, he commented sarcastically.

With his left foot dragging slightly in the sand, the adventurer backed up a few paces and crouched down. With a slight outcropping of rock between himself and his enemy, Travis hoped to force Christoph down into the ravine instead of letting him stay on the cliff and launch fireballs. The Pagoda Master may have made a mistake, but he wasn’t about to let the challenger run the battle. Wincing as he adjusted his position, the red-haired fighter waited for his enemy to make the next move.

[Christoph]

“That stupid kid,” grumbled Chris as Travis Kiltias plummeted down the large ravine. The irony of the statement did not escape him, being fully aware that both he and the Master were close to the same age. On the other hand, he also knew that the age of a man wasn’t always measured in years. The chef had seen more violence, heartache, and horrors than men thrice his age. While it rarely showed on his body, the mark of age was very dark upon his soul. “He could have at least gone down head-first to save me the trouble.”

The challenger strode to the ledge deep crevice in time to see Travis limping to an obscured position behind some rocks. It was considerably larger than it had looked at first. The open space at the bottom was a jagged rectangle about fifteen feet long and eight feet wide, with the Master hiding on the furthest end like a cornered mouse. The bulk of the ravine’s volume, however, came from its depth. There was sheer cliff dropping down fifty feet. It was quite a drop.

Chris felt the urge to give chase right away, to run the coward down and burn him to cinders, but he suppressed it. The victory was already his so long as he didn’t throw it away foolishly. He held the advantage. His opponent was trapped and injured, having been forced to dive into a hole in the face of the chef’s onslaught. Chris grinned at the though; Travis had dug his own grave.

But I do prefer cremation…

The chef knelt down, pressing his armored palms into the sand. Magical energies surged through the bluish metal, penetrating the each grain of sand and transmuting the once benign substance into something far more volatile. Its tan color darkened to a deep grey. He smiled, satisfied; the chef had perfected the art of converting earthy materials into violently combustible and explosive fuel. He liked to call the technique “field alchemy.” It would do nicely.

Chris rose, more mystic chants pouring from his lips. The transformed sand slowly lifted from the ground, levitating by the will of the sorcerer. It formed into a dozen fist-sized clumps and slowly hovered over the mouth of the hole as the chef lowered himself in, his clawed gauntlets digging into the stone as he ground down to the base.

With a feral grin, he willed the deadly fuel to halt above the Master’s head while he climbed down, and flicked several small blue sparks into the mass of it. And just like that, he eased his concentration, releasing the hold just as the dark substance ignited. He landed confidently at the bottom of the cliff just as the small bombardment of fire fell upon his unfortunate opponent, preparing himself for any last efforts Travis would make to save himself.

[A Nony Mouse]

As the twelve orbs levitated over the Pagoda Master’s head in a ring, he couldn’t help but wonder at their purpose. He shrank down as low to the ground as he was able, readying himself for their strike, but nothing happened. Travis was about to laugh at Christoph’s failed attempt when a singular blue spark struck one of the orbs. And then Travis’ world became a mess of blood and chaos.

The initial shockwave from the explosion launched the red-haired adventurer back against the nearby cliff wall. With the breath knocked from his lungs, Travis couldn’t even gasp in horror as a roiling cloud of fire sprang forth from the dark orbs. What struck him next was the heat. He felt the hair all over his body singe as wave after wave of blistering heat pelted his fully exposed body. There was nothing to protect him from its ravages and soon his body ceased registering the agonizing pain.

Rock splinters followed on the tail of the heat waves, small chunks of the very stone he had been hiding behind racing through the air toward his tenderized body. They impaled major arteries, slashed through internal organs, and generally filleted his skin until he was an almost unrecognizable bloody pulp. The damage was lethal; Travis Kiltias knew that the monks would be coming for him soon.

The blast was over in mere seconds, but it felt like an eternity to Travis. In the aftermath, he realized that his proximity to the orbs had caused him to go deaf as well. His mind was a fog and his thoughts muddied by the innumerable pain receptors firing simultaneously across his body. Unable to hold his own weight, his legs buckled under him and he pitched headfirst into the sand.

The tiny grains stuck to him like he was coated in honey, but Travis knew that flowery thought was a vain attempt to escape the inevitable. He was already dead; his mind simply didn’t know it yet. He tilted his head as far as he could, struggling to make out his opponent’s form across the floor of the ravine. But what greeted him instead was his blackened ocarina lying inches in front of him.

As darkness closed in on his vision, the redhead shed a single tear at the loss of the connection between him and his beloved familiar. It seemed that Warrior Knighton was not content to only destroy Travis’ body; he had to wreak havoc on his soul as well. With no tangible connection to Ardinne, Travis’ last breath was one of utter despair.

~~

His body ached when he finally came to and the Pagoda Master made no attempt at moving. Groaning in agony, Travis didn’t even bother to open his eyes… he knew well enough where he was. “I fear that battle was my last,” he muttered largely to himself. Christoph Knighton had utterly annihilated him, a fact that would reflect in his judgment. Sighing in resignation, the adventurer allowed the monks to finish their work on him before attempting to return to his own quarters.

“How are you feeling, Master?” one of the monks asked.

“Disheartened, honestly,” was the reply. Travis knew that battling a Warrior would be difficult, but he hadn’t been prepared for that. His green eyes snapped open, a look of determination etched in their luminous depths. “Regardless of the judgment,” he stated, “I must train.” Christoph had become his benchmark; Travis would measure himself against the chef in all that he did. Until he could do to the chef what had just been done to him, the red-haired Master would not be satisfied. “This is not the end,” he mumbled as he swung his legs over the side of the stone slab where he had been resting.

“Not at all.”

last post

[Christoph]

Christopher landed into a crouch, his gauntlets extended like a tiger’s claws. He was poised to react to his foe’s next move as his clever barrage struck home with a flurry of fwoosh sounds. No counterattack came, however, only the eerily quiet death throes of his opponent as the unnatural inferno consumed his body. Only the crackle of voracious fire devouring flesh and the faint whistling of the desert wind remained.

“That… wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d hoped it would be,” he sighed, turning back to climb back up the cliff. His foe had been defeated in much the same way as the chef’s previous challengers: baptized by arcane fire. Travis wasn’t some challenger come to learn tricks of the trade, however. He was a fellow Hierarch – a competitor. Thus, Chris felt no guilt in ending his struggle quickly, efficiently, and brutally.

He sighed and shook his head as he reached the top again. “How did that amateur ever become a master?”

* * * * *

“I noticed that you decided to conclude your battle in your signature fashion of burning your opponent to cinders within the first minutes of combat.” The Head Monk’s tone did not reveal much emotion, but Chris could see that his old eyes had a faint spark of amusement.

“Well, as they say, if it isn’t broken, blah, blah, you get it,” replied the chef as he strode through the great hall. “He wasn’t nearly as challenging as I had hoped. How did that useless warrior ever manage to become a Master?”

“There are more things to being a Master than simply combat prowess, you realize,” stated the Monk, taking on the tone of an advising elder, most likely just to annoy Chris. “We are all teachers here, which is a fact that I ironically keep trying to teach you.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure Mister Kiltias could teach our visitors how to die more effectively,” scoffed the chef, rolling his eyes. He continued before the Monk could voice a rebuttal. “Either way, I did what you suggested. I challenged him and defeated him, meaning I may assume the Master rank in his place, correct?”

“In theory, yes. The council and I are currently placing the matter under consideration.”

“I won! What’s to ‘consider’?” Chris demanded. “Wait. On second thought, forget it. I’m sure this falls into that mysterious category of things that ‘I’m not supposed to understand’.”

“Precisely!” replied the Monk with a smile that was a little too smug for his own good. He clapped the chef on the shoulder. “Now you’re catching on.”

“Gods, I hate this place…”

“I will be sure to include that fact in my report to the council.”

[Taskmienster]

JUDGING!
A Heavy-hearted Work of Staggering Genius: Travis v Christoph
Characters Involved:
~ A Nony Mouse ~ Travis Kiltias
~ Christoph ~ Christoph Knighton


STORY (18/30)(18/30)

~ Continuity ~ (6/10)(6/10)
Both of you expressed well who you were, where you came from, and why you were in the Pagoda. I would have liked to see a little more about the background fights that led up to the positions you were in. However, being a straight up fighting atmosphere means that it wasn’t going to have a lot during the fight. But before the fight, the first few posts are for you both to delve into that and get the reader to understand what everything is and what’s going on. Well done though, both of you.

~ Setting ~ (5/10)(6/10)
~Travis~ You started the setting, explained the basics well, but the picture that I got from the opening couple of posts, compared to that which you portrayed, was very different. I must say, certain things docked your score considerably. First was that from the opening I got a picture of a desert like setting, with rocky outcroppings, and pillars that stretched into the sky. Where, in this picture, was the labyrinth that you mention in post 5? If it was a metaphorical labyrinth it should have been a little more clarified as such. You struck your sword that was conveniently on the opposite side of Christoph against a wall? You definitely used the setting a little more to your advantage, even if some of it made little sense.

~Christoph~ The setting that you came up with was spur of the moment type stuff. There was just a little here and there were it wasn’t really expressed all that great, but without a full outlook by the opening post as to where you were it’s hard. However, your use of the setting was ok… could have been better.

~ Pacing ~ (7/10)(6/10)
It was slow to begin with, but all of a sudden everything happened at once. For a quest, that’d be something to reprimand, but this is a battle… and that’s how they really are. There is no smooth entry into combat, no flowing process from one person to the next. Christoph you stepped up the pacing considerably by attacking outright and with a shitton of power. That was the pace you set, and in order to keep it up Travis would have had to counter just as strong and just as much… but that didn’t fit his character or strategy.

I give you props for that Travis. For a fight between two people, one who was using strategy to lure the other, and one who was about raw power, it was done well. A little abrupt, but that’s reality, and it’s not always pretty in the end.


CHARACTER (16/30)(19/30)

~ Dialogue ~ (5/10)(7/10)
Neither of you really spoke nor even thought during the combat, however it was before and after that both of you finally used dialogue. I’ve never put too much consideration of speech and thought into a battle, since when you fight you’re barely thinking much less speaking. However, what little was out there was good, and kept true to the persona you portrayed. The only qualm I had was a goofy one liner by Christoph by way of thought in post 8. Travis, your ending little spiel was a bit cliché as well…

~ Action~ (5/10)(5/10)
It was abrupt, with a little action here and there. For the most part both of you did well. The only suggestion I could make is that you let the battle rage at least a little further, so you could get into the action and draw the reader in. However, since the battle was quick and abrupt the action from both of you was lacking.

~ Persona ~ (6/10)(7/10)
~Travis~ Your last post mentioned the chef not being satisfied with destroying your body, but your soul too due to the loss of the instrument. That made it seem as if he knew, ahead of time, that it was some sort of link… which he wouldn’t have. Other than that you played your character well, cleanly, and kept him in the state of mind that I have come to expect from Travis.

~Christoph~ The most I got from your character was that you liked to burn things, you are a prick when it comes to assuming the power and prestige of others, and the like. I liked it, haha. You played it well, but didn’t put enough into portraying your character as I would have liked. The only times that I got who Christoph really was, how he really acted, was when you were talking to the monks before and after the battle. Try to incorporate that opening and explanation of who he is that you opened with in your first post throughout, and not just through words but actions too.


WRITING STYLE (20/30)(22/30)

~ Technique ~ (7/10)(6/10)
Both of you used a few techniques here and there, nothing awe inspiring or noteworthy, but it was well done nonetheless. I saw a few more from Travis than Christoph, little things that were interesting ways to write out what you were saying. Both of you could have done better though, but didn’t do bad either.

~ Mechanics ~ (7/10)(9/10)
~Travis~ A few mistakes here and there, I noticed word choices used incorrectly such as ‘threw’ instead of ‘through’, as well as other little mistakes. Re-read your posts, not directly after but when you get a little bit of time to go over them. Normally, even right after, you can catch the small things, but it’s better to wait a little bit and go back over them.

~Christoph~ I only saw one true mistake, but can’t find it now, just saw it and forgot to make a note.

~ Clarity ~ (6/10)(7/10)
Both of you were clear and produced well written posts. The few minor issues of misuse of words, or a word that didn’t fit was all that caught me off and made me have a couple doubletakes. All in all, it was fine though.


WILD CARD!!! (6/10)(6/10)




TOTAL

~Travis~ 60/100
~Christoph~ 65/100


GAINS/REWARDS!

~Travis~ 1200 exp and 100 gold

~Christoph~ 4400 exp and 400 gold



((EDITED: Forgot to double the rewards for pagoda month...))

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!

Christoph reaches level 7!