The Origin of Nightstalker

[Nightstalker]

It dawn a clear day on the slopes of the Shirayama mountains. Today was a special day for a single woman among the people of Ninyama village.
Today was the day she was to give birth. Her husband, an honorable samurai, had marched off to fight his lord’s battles, and had yet to return. She would surprise him with a strong proud son when he returned. As the first rays of the sun hit the crystal spire, onlookers were amazed, for inside was a new sign, a single solitary Black Lotus flower had blossomed within the spire.

The woman went about her business, unaware that today was the day she was to give birth. Part of her daily routine took her to the sacred crystal cavern. As she entered, she went into labor. A healer pulled her inside and out of the weather, where he helped her with her delivery.
As the last rays of the sun crested over the mountains, the blossom closed and faded, and as it did, a new life took its first breath inside the sacred crystal cavern, at the cost of his mother’s life.

Days later, the newborn’s father met his end, in a remote battlefield; he would not live to see his son who was waiting for him back at the Ninyama orphanage. As his father’s sword was presented to his son’s caretaker, the old woman who ran the orphanage struggled to find a name. Cherry blossoms stood nearby, and as the wind walked among them, it whispered the name others would come to fear, the name the old woman decided to give to the child. Nightstalker.

Years roll by, as they often will. The Cherry blossom trees watched as one orphan was shunned from the others, as one orphan time and again was passed over for adoption. The wind played in his hair, and the spirits put their icy fingers upon his back, playing their games with his mind, and imagination. Perhaps if the old woman had been honorable enough to give the boy his father’s sword and armor, his life would’ve taken another path. One bound by Bushido, but a traveling merchant with deep pockets bought her honor, and an old samurai sword she said was taking up room.

One day, as a thundercloud made idle threats overhead, a man in his middle ages came to the orphanage, seeking a particular young boy, ripe for apprenticing to a master to learn a trade, a path in life. He had watched the boys for weeks, and decided on one boy that chose to spend his time alone, partially by his own free will, and partially because no one ever seemed to want to play with him. He didn’t know why, perhaps it was the trick of some mean spirit, perhaps it was because he was smarter, and wittier than they were, thus making them feel inferior, who knew? But the old man saw potential in this boy, and decided to adopt him as his apprentice. The old man asked his new apprentice his name, and the thunder growled in response, telling him the name others only said as the butt of their jokes, a name no one took seriously. Nightstalker.

A small house high up in the Shirayama Mountains, An elderly gentleman, fortunate enough to acquire enough of a fortune in his lifetime to live up there alone teaches a young man his secrets of success, secrets, only a master ninja would know. As the boy chops would, and fetches water, scrubbing pots, he wonders idly what the point of all this work is, failing to see the growing discipline he’s achieving, the muscles he’s building, the skills he’s forming.

As he goes deep in the woods to gather more wood to chop, with only a donkey and a cart to keep him company, he fails to see the lone woman approaching the house.
The Elderly gentleman is unsurprised.
“It’s about time you got here.” The old man says to the lady.
“You have lived a long life, warrior. It is time for you to take your last journey.” The woman said gesturing towards the mountains.
“I am indeed, long lived, but I have no doubts myson can survive on his own, but my apprentice, I doubt if his training is complete.” the old man said bowing to the beautiful black haired woman in a snow white Kimono.
She didn't answer, she merely put her hand on the old man, and he followed.

A young man comes home to find his master gone, walking beside a mysterious set of prints heading towards the mountains. He fears for his aged master, and looks towards the rest of the Shirayama Mountains, he fancies he sees a fox with many tails in the distance looking at him, it winks, and runs off along the prints. He remembers the story of Lady Koriko. Anger and determination burn in the young man’s heart, He will save his master he decides, he will return him from the last journey.

Setting off with a weeks supplies and his sword, he sets off following his master on his last journey.

[Nightstalker]

I've been walking all day through these mountains, following their trail. Why did she have to take him, why now? He wasn't that old! Father, I will save you.

Time and again, when I seem lost, I see a strange fox with many tails a great ways before me. Is it the same fox? Does it really have many tails? I don't know. I've heard stories of Gingitsu, living in Ninyama village, and growing up near the village, who wouldn't? Still I must ask myself, for what reason would Gingitsu help me? Still, I hope it is Gingitsu, for everyday I find myself more and more lost. Surely these woods must be enchanted, to keep unwanted visitors from Lady Koriko's domain.

I don't even think I'm in the land of the living anymore, for just minutes ago as I sat down to write, a nice fatted dear ran by, and it looked like it had bled to death some time ago.

I don't think I'm alone in my journy either, for I find fresh traces of another's steps. They are heavy steps, like those I've seen from passing Ronin. I hear a sound, I must go.

[Nightstalker]

It was a Ronin, he blundered into my camp. He apologized for the intrusion and turned to leave. I'm not a heartless beast all the time. To him I was just some lost peasant, so I invited him to stay and share my fire. Not that I had one, but with the two of us working we quickly got one going and had some unlucky creature roasting over it. I'm not sure what it was, never was good at identifying forest creatures.

He's looking at me right now, as I write my story, my true story. Someday I will be legendary, there must be some true accounting of my exploits for the lucky few to read.
He has piercing black eyes, as though he sees I am ninja, and not peasant as he thinks.
All day long I could I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull, as we walked along.

I think he is Gingitsu in disguise, for everytime I think to zig, he zags and says my path is wrong. We both know we're going to Lady Koriko's Jade Palace in the heart of her domain, but niether of us speak on the manner, as though it would cause some uncrossable rift between us. For now, it is enough that we are friendly and uncompetitive, in this strange twisted place.

This place! I swear it seeks to confound and confuse me deliberatly! I have traveled the Shirayama mountains before without getting overly lost, why now does my every step work against me? My companion has an amulet around his neck, it depicts a twisting dragon covered in blood. I know it has been blessed by a priest. It must be why he does not get lost. I want that amulet. If our journey is too much longer, I swear I will poison him in his sleep and take it from his dead and rotting corpse!

Alas, the hour grows late, I took first watch, an uneventful affair. Once I thought I heard that blasted fox laughing at me, as it stayed somewhere just off the edge of my vision. One of these times I really should try to catch it to see if it really does have nine tails or if my sight is playing tricks on me.

[Nightstalker]

I slept with my journal underneath me. I'm somewhat surprised I awoke at all. Ninja and samurai aren't exactly the best of friends, but surely this is not new to you. If it is, welcome to Akashima, perhaps the history section of the library should be your next stop.

I digress.

My companion and I spent another day of walking. He shared his story with me.
His name was Magesha. Even I admit, this is a very unusual name. I asked him who named him, and he said an Oni named him. I laughed thinking he was joking, but appearently he was dead serious. He was questing to recover his master's soul. He was samurai once, and now masterless, was Ronin. He was hesitant to find another master, for he had heard stories of cruel masters, and besides, like me, his master was also his father, and a samurai before him.

He didn't share the details of how he died, but a particularly nasty insult about ninja lead me to believe it was poisoning. Now he wanted to try and convince Lady Koriko to return his master.

I smiled, and told him my name was Benjiro. It's not of course, but it wasn't needful for him to know my real name. I told him I too quested to return my father to the world of the living. I told him he died of old age, which was the truth. What wasn't, was the story that we were peasants. He looked like he didn't believe me, but niether of us had time to ask, for out path had taken us to the base of a great mountain, possibly the tallest in the entirety of the Shirayama mountain range, possibly the greatest in the world, not that I recognised where we were, for I was completly confused and turned around. East was west, north was south. Go ahead, laugh. Someday you'll get lost like that. you won't think it's so funny then.

As we reached the mountain's base, we felt the fall of an almost sacred silence. When your out in the forest, you hear sounds, birds, insects, water. You hear things, it's normal. At the very least your aware of life around you. At the base of this mountain, all there was, was silence, and death. That, and the great white mountain before us.

The Mountain soared beyond the clouds, drapped in a mantle of snow. No forest, no visable caves, we called it Koriko Shuken. For those not familier with Akashiman, it means Koriko's Dominion. No words can ever express the hesitation and fear the makes it's way into your heart when you stand upon Death's doorstep without being invited. I looked at Magesha, and I could see in his eyes that he was seriously thinking of turning back. I would be lying if I said I did not also feel those same thoughts.

"I'm no coward. Even if I must scale to the top of this monstrosity I will. Let it never be said that Nightstalker the great Ninja was afraid of a mere mountain!" I said, bolstering my courage.
"I knew it! A samurai, out done by a Ninja! let such a thing be unspoken!" Magesha said.
I raced forward looking for a cave, and to our utter surprise ran right though a snowbank.

We both felt foolish, for I could see a blush on Magesha's cheeks, as well as one on my own. We stared each other in the eye, and then silently agreeing to leave class differences aside for the moment, we ventured into the dark cave before us.

Niether of us felt like sleeping, but as I now write this section and all others several days after this adventure and my scroll has filled itself, I must ransack father's house one more time for more paper while I make myself some tea to refocus my thoughts and gather my memories of what happened next.

[Nightstalker]

What luck, I have found a blank scroll. The tea was quite good I assure you. Now where was I? Oh yes, we had just entered the cave.

We made our way through the cave, each wishing we had a torch for light. Or an enchanted crystal to give us light, or any sort of light. We discovered a light reflecting off the walls from a place deep in the mountain. We had been going downhill, and figured this to be an easy journey overall. Then we saw the Yeti. Quickly we realised we were wrong in our assumptions, mainly because it let loose with a roar that shook the mountain and charged at us.

Magesha drew his Katana, I drew my Wakizashi, and we teamed up against it. Still, a yeti is no laughing matter. During the summer months, it's coat is red, like a creature called an Orangutang. A Yeti looks almost like a cross between a man and a bear. I once heard a belief that it was infact a rare species of human, but no proof has ever been offered beyond that it resembles one. Well, so do monkeys, but their not human.

I took to attacking it from the left, as Magesha struck from the right. at least half out blows merely glanced off the creatures skin, and the rest didn't do too much damage. I did well at dodging a good number of blows, however a lucky strike caught me in the side, bringing me down for the count. I passed out, so I do not know how Magesha managed to kill the yeti, but kill it her did, and when I awoke, he was using some bandages he had with him to wrap my side.

I told him wearily that I thought Samurai never helped Ninja. He replied saying that perhaps it was possible for some Samurai and Ninja to be friends, united in a common goal. My wound tended to, I was helped to my feet, and together we went toward the light.

Oh what a sight! We came upon a great Jade Palace! The Likes of a place like this, any lord, especially an emperor would be proud to call their own, but we both knew whose place it really was. We are still pretty certain this palace is noewhere in the land of the living. I hear stories of a place called the Anti-Firmament, and other nebulous realms were the dead are supposed to dwell. This Jade Palace was infinite in it's size, surely it touched them all. If it does not, I will be greatly surprised to learn so. It had the sights one normally expects of any palace in any nation. It had a great main gate, carved with many figures of legend. This one was carved with the symbols of the Lore Guardians, Lady Koriko's most prominente among them all.

The wall stretched for as far as the eye could see, and beyond the gate, lions and dragons made of Jade stood guard. We approached the gates, and they swung open for us. We followed a red carpet up numerous stairs. So many so, that surely the great mountain we cralled under was shorter. At the very top of the tallest tower of the palace we found Lady Koriko in her throne room. Ahh, she was as the legends described her, and terrifying as well. Only fools stand unafraid of Death's direct presence. It is one thing to be unafraid of dying, quite another to be completly unafraid of death itself. Her words I remember well, and I Record them as she said them.

"So you boys have come far to enter my domain. Can it be that ones so young have truely come to throw their lives away so easily? This is my price for entering my palace you know, once entered, you cannot leave. You have both died, congratulations. But perhaps this is not really why your here. I can see into your hearts, I know your secrets. You've both come for dear old dad. your beloved master. Isn't this sweet? Tell me, did you really think you could just walk in here, ask for your father's life back and I'd just hand it over? Are you really that daft? Just because certain well known orders of monks can pull people from the dead as easily as one plucks a ripened apple from it's tree doesn't mean everyone can. But I'm not completly heartless.

I will test each of you seperatly, and together. If you pass my tests, I will permit you your wish. Fail, and you will become one of mine forever. But I see the doorman has taken his toll on you. You will be taken to seperate rooms to rest and recover." Lady Koriko said. Ahh her eyes were beautiful.

[Nightstalker]

I woke up, whole. This is astonishing because I thought that in the places were dead people dwelled, wounds never healed. What does it matter to a dead man if he has a wound in his side? I mentioned this to a servant that came in with some fresh fruit rice and some sort of meat I didn't bother trying to recognise; and she told me some members of the deceased are very vain about their appearence, and as a small allowence in their favor all wounds were healed over night. Appearently this leads to some very violent activity with some people.

Shortly after I awoke and dressed, I was handed a small paper from my hostess.
"In a tower of red jade stands a rare blue stone. Your first test is to fetch it for me."
I wondered where this tower was. The servant that handed it to me, a strange looking monkey with wings, went to the window in my room and pointed out it in earnest.

My room was in the far east end of Lady Koriko's castle, at the very end. I was teleported there by a dead wizard. I'm glad to, appearently her castle is as big as it appears to be, all made of delicate jade.

Not far away was a red tower of jade. I asked if that was the tower, and the monkey nodded before it flew off. I sighed, stripped, and reversed my clothes into my sneaking suit. It was pretty dark out, and the shadows would help me.

A rooftop was close enough for me to leap onto, so I did, going from narby rooftop to nearby rooftop. My path took me around to the backside of the tower. It was too smooth for my to climb up, and no windows were facing me. I looked around the base of the tower and the little building I was on. I could leap down into a blind alley, with no one the wiser. I'm not certain it mattered anyway, though indeed this place was filled with the dead and deceased, not one of them seemed to be alive. I know that doesn't make sense, but you must understand, I suck around expecting people aware of their surroundings. With these people I could probably light a firecracker before them, shove it in their hands and dart away, and the most they'd probably do is shrug it off, if that. Really, it's kind of frightening to be around people so completly unaware of their surroundings. I speak not only of that day, but of the days that followed.

To test my thought that they were unaware of their surroundings, I slid down the side of the building, it wasn't that big after all at mere ten feet, and looked around. No one looked at me. The building itself was a guard shack, empty and desolate. I yelled and banged on walls, nothing. I even slapped one of them, a big hulking brute that could've easily torn me limb from limb, and nothing. Disappointed, I strolled into the tower, and at the top, you know what I found? Magesha.

I asked him what he was doing there, and he said he was guarding the gem against theives. I asked him how that was going, and he admitted that it was a slow chore, but he wasn't about to let his guard drop. I asked him in turn if I could see the gem, and to his credit, he did turn me down, but my task was to get the Gem, not let some empty headed ronin keep it from me. I probably could've fought him, but Samurai are built for a direct offenseive assault. Sure I might've lasted three minutes, four tops, but really, he would've beaten me blow for blow. So I talked to him instead.

I told him she was probably going to pit us against each other in all our tests, and he agreed, and said he was sorry that I was going to lose. I smiled and told him my job was to get the very gem he was guarding. He laughed and said it was his to stop me from getting it. Then he said really it was to stop from any theft, but who other than me was going to try for it? We spoke of other things too, such as the cherry blossom trees in the city, the crystal spire, famous female adventurers, blades, a wide array of topics, I can't even remember everything we talked about. Mind you, it wasn't because I didn't want to fight him. To the contrary, class pride was egging me on towards decking him right in the mouth. No, I was letting him think I had given up. Finally, he did let his guard down, and opened a box to show me the jewel. We marveled over it's beauty.

Imagine a clear sparkling ocean, such was this gem in it's perfection and flawlessness. We both agreed that it had to be enchanted but we weren't sure how. We suspected it had something to do with water, mainly because it was blue and we couldn't imagine fire magic coming from a blue gem. Carefully I edged towards it, an inch at a time, every five minutes. It was slow going, but I kept him distracted with his favorite subject, women. It seems he still had some aspects of self-control and discipline to master, for he was obsessed with a noble lady known as Lady Kiko. She wore a mask all the time due to some Oni's curse, but I don't know the whole story. I smiled, for her family always trained the ladies in the way of the ninja. It was why the ladies of her house were sought after by the rich and powerful. A loving wife always made the best bodyguard.

Finally, I was close, I snatched the gem and ran. Magesha follwed quickly shouting curses and insults after he realised what happened a few seconds later. He kept swinging his sword at me, but I was too far ahead for his blade to reach. I ran outside and tripped over the same winged monkey that had given me my assignment earlier.
Fortunatly my grip on the gem held true. The monkey had a black silk bag ready for the gem, but Magesha stood between me and the monkey. I had no time to draw my blade, as he swung his.

You might think it was over at that point, but I held the gem aloft not wanting it to break, and to my shock, it encased Magesha in Ice. It was enchanted. As I later found out, It was enchanted with varying defensive spells. The monkey shook his bag expectantly, and so I put in my gem, elated that I had won. Remember, the greatest battles are the ones what are won without a single blow. I'm sure not all samurai are so easy to pull one over on, but Magesha was a discredit to his class. I was hoping for a sterner challenge.

Unfortunatly, the next day I got one.

[Nightstalker]

Oh the difficulty of what happened the next day. I assume it was a day, it might not have been. It's hard to tell when no sign of the outside world can be seen.

I digress, I do that alot.

When I awoke, I found another winged monkey in my room, this one was a spider monkey, literally, it had eight legs like a spider. Creepy. It handed me another note.
Couldn't she talk to me in person?

"This test is your last, and it's quite a task. By foot make your way into the abandoned and crumbling section of my castle where no spirit dares go and retrive for me a blade known as "The Last Breath". Succeed, and your rewards will be great." the note said.

I looked up at the monkey, and dressed. It flew over and picked me up right as I finished. It flew me through the castle to great crack that ran around a great section of the castle. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say Scara Brae island was bigger, but only by an inch or two. I blame the unusual atmosphere. I had to be in the land of the dead, such a large castle of jade was impossible in the world of the living. I doubt there was that much in the whole world.

I stepped accross the line, and immediatly felt as though I had stepped into another world. I'm not sure how exactly to describe it. Most of her castle felt apathetic. Friendly, but apathetic all the same. This area was still apathetic, but less so, and hostile.

I looked back at the monkey, desperate for some reassurance, or assistance. At the very least it's company would've been pleasurable, versus being completly alone in an unknown and hostile environment. To my chagrin, it merely pointed down the path. With slumped shoulders I turned and walked down the path.

The first thing of interest I came to was a deep crevice in the ground, it was very deep, and very dark. Infact, I think it was where The Abyss connected to the land of the dead. I nudged a fairly large rock over the side, I heard it bounce of the walls, but not hit bottom. To this day I think it's still falling. It was far too wide for me to leap accross. I mean, I have pride in my skills, but I'm not stupid. I cast around for a bridge, or something like a bridge to help me cross. Nearby I found a steel box with a lever.

I'm no Alerarian, but I do pay attention, and if given enough time can figure things out for myself. I figured there must be a mechanical drawbridge of some sort hidden beneath the ground. I threw the lever, and it clinked once and clanked twice, and then stopped. Nothing else happened. I noticed a little door in the side, and opened it. Inside were chains wrapped around metal circles with teeth, in someplaces, the circles with the teeth were interlocking, so that when one turned, it turned it's fellows. Infact, that seemed to be the concept behind the entire design. I surmised that the purpose was to run out a bridge. The only flaw I could see, was that one of the circles with teeth was missing, casusing two differenct chains to hang limply.

I closed the box, and looked about. Nothing was around that might indicate it laying nearby. I looked over the side of the abyss, boy was it deep. I wasn't about to try climbing down to see if it was over the side at the bottom somewhere. I stepped back well away from the side, lest I slip and fall over. The abyss ran beyond my sight in both directions. I was certain that it had been thrown over the side, for the door was such that it was latched securely against accidental openings, such as knocking into it.

Ahh, but then why would someone destroy the bridge? What did they want to keep in? It had to be something that couldn't fly. Even still, it had to be somewhere safe. But what if, what if someone did accidentally bump into it, dislodging the circles and throwing it out of the carefully placed alignment I had seen within? Then surely someone had to of opened it to repair it. What then if someone knocked into it again. Then it was concievable that the missing circle with teeth could have been knocked away to roll somewhere and hide.

I looked in cracks and under things. I moved what I was strong enough to on my own, and at last found it beneath a large fallen stone. It was heavy, i strained every muscle in my body, but I got it moved, barely. Thankfully, I pulled nothing nore broke or twisted anything. I picked up the circle. It was both thick and wide, with two sets of teeth, slightly off of each other. I had the fortune once of seeing a clock. Around what was called the face were written numbers in common. If I were to hold the circle, one set of teeth would be where each of the twelve numbers normally went, the others would be between each number.

I took the gear back over to the box and attempted to figure out how to place it. I would like to boast at this point and say I figured that machine out in one go, but my first attempt stalled the machine entirely. My second attempt fared no better. I knew I had to fit the chains around the circle, placing the teeth in the chain links, but how? I flipped the circle over, for despite my earlier description, the two sets were not so perfectly different. The gear would only work in one exact way.

When I flipped it, I found on my third try, niether chain fit where I had tried them the first time. I tried them on the other teeth for my fourth try, and they fit, perfectly, though it was a hard fit. I was so elated I sat on a nearby rock and rested, smiling at nothing in particular. After several seconds, I closed the door and flipped the lever once more. The machine clinked and clanked, and this time it kept going. It was loud, a noisome bother. I may as well have announced my presence to whatever lay on the other side personally.

The bridge itself was made of steel. It made it's way accross and rested on the other side of the gap. I made my way accross it, nervous I was going to fall over the side to my neverending doom. However, I made it accross with no problem, and after I went a ways away from the bridge, it retracted with a final sounding clank, leaving me stranded on the otherside with nothing but my wits for company. What had I gotten myself into?

[Nightstalker]

I was walking along the path, still not sure what The Last Breath looked like. Sure it was a blade, but as I looked at a discarded pile of swords, I realised it could be any sword. Yet I knew it wasn't just going to be lying about where any old daring adventurer could get ahold of it. Infact, it was probably guarded by whatever couldn't fly accross the abyss. I climbed to the top of a rather large rock overlooking a shallow pit, which actually turned out to be the remains of a sort of arena.

What I saw there took any remaining courage I might've had. I saw, I don't know what I saw, and I don't care to ever know what I saw. If you know what I saw, keep it to yourself. It had tenticles, and I thought it was for legs, there were twelve of them, yet beneath them were insect legs. There were twp for every tenticle, and two more still to assist each other leg. How many there were in all, I shudder to think. It's top was shelled like an insect, and two great wasp wings were spread wide, beating, straining, but only in vain. It had eyes, a multitude of them, some on stalks, some not, all over it's body. Two great mandibles stretched forward, snapping at the air. I know not what it's powers were, but surely fear must be among them, for I was paralyzed on the spot, my two eyes locked on it's many. It must not've been hungry, for it turned and scuttled into a cave. I slid down the rock and wept my manhood away, so great was the fear it instilled within me.

Later, after coming to grips with my newfound sense of cowardice, I realised fear really must've been it's skill, supernatural fear, for the more I thought of what it was, the more I realised I really had no reason to feat it. So what if it was a fifty foot horror-roach from the darkest depths of the abyss? That was no reason to fear it. I got up, and sat back down again, terrified I might run into it. I peeked over the edge, looking at what lay ahead. I still have yet to figure out where the light was coming from in that place, nor have I figured out how it managed to be gleaming off a tower just so, but behold, on the otherside of the arena was a great and mighty tower, and at the top was the sparkle, of something. At this distance I was from, I couldn't tell.

I stood up, sucked in my fear, and strood confidantly for that tower, accross the arena floor, and towards that same door that, THING, had entered. I reached the door, and peeked in, inside was a big circular area covered with some sort of silk that it nested in. Right beside the door was a set of stairs leading up, so before it found me, I darted up the stairs. At the top I truely felt like an enemy in enemy territory, for I was in a hall, lined with dead samurai buried in their armor. Naught but skeletons remained of their body. I drew my own blade, and held it out before me, pointing it this way and that, afraid one of them was going to come to life and attack me, and you know what, they all did.

[Nightstalker]

I was making my way down the great hall filled with dead samurai warriors, and to date, I don't know if I accidentally touched their blade with my own which caused them to awaken and attack, or if they had been awake all along and were merely waiting for me to pass a certain spot. I do know that I heard the ring of steel on steel as my blade was struck, as though bumbing into something. I looked over at a dead samurai skeleton right as it's head turned and looked at me. I put my sword away, and apologiesed for disturbing him and his fellows while bowing and backing away quickly. I bumped right into another dead samurai warrior who put his skeleton arms around me holding me in place while I screamed in fright.

I'm not a coward mind you, but everyone has their limits of how much horror and terror they can tolerate. I've left out alot, like the constant tomb like feeling and death smell underlying everything, the unnerving quiet, alot of things, and at that point, I had reached my limit and screamed. I think they heard me throughout that blasted cavern.
However, once you reach one reaches their limit, they find a boundless spring of true courage, and cease being some common bumpkin in uncommon circumstances, and become something more.

As I've said before, I'm not stupid, if given time I can figure things out for myself. True an advancing army of Samurai skeleton warriors does not provide for much time, but it does provide enough time to realise that they are just skeletons animated by magic and held together by luck and pure force of will.

With that realization and my newfound courage in hand, I smiled, and realised the old adage of life being an adventure was true. First I forced my arms up and broke the arms of the skeleton pinning them down. From there my memory is quite a blur, but I do remember immediatly dropping to all fours to both dodge a bunch of swords and kick the legs out of a group of nearby skeletons. As they collapsed their armor and bodies came abart. I grabbed a pair of katana and began swinging like a madman doing nothing but blocking sword blows. Samurai are fast alive, dead, without any muscles, their slow. I threw one katana and picked up a helmet and threw it. Seeing success with both thrown objects, I began to pick up and throw pieces of armor and weapons like crazy. I blocked a sword to my backside entirely by accident by chucking the equivalent of a breastplate over my back.

Finally, I had won, and my clothes were in tatters. I had a fair number of wounds too. I went to the stairs going up at the far end of the hall, when a thrill of danger prompted me to duck for no explainible reason. I did, and turned to see a skeleton had pulled itself together with mismatched body parts. I drew my own blade, The Lotus Edge, and blocked it's second incoming blade. The thing had three heads, four arms, and six legs. Each arm welded a Katana. It was covered in armor, and ungodly fast, reanimated by some improved magic. All I could do was block and run, block and run. I darted upstairs, and it followed me. Upstairs was a large empty training ground. Targets stood here and there in the form of straw dummies. Tables sat in corners, and wooden swords stood neatly in weapon racks.

I was at my wits end, with four blades swinging at me I couldn't dart in and attack, and fleeing did no good because it only followed me. I leaped onto tables and it hacked through them, I darted behind straw dummies and they were cleaved in two without any difficulty. As I have stated before, a ninja does not match a samurai in terms of frontal assault. We're known for our sneaking abilities for a reason. I was doomed, for everything in the room had been destroyed, except the great pillars. I dodged behind one, and the skeleton swung for it, shattering one of it's blades completly. It groaned, as if in great agony and pain, and slowed down.

Understanding was mine! I thought the saying that a samurai's sword was his soul was just that, a saying. But the way this dead thing acted, it was fact, a fact I could use to my advantage. I darted away from the pillar, and the warrior was slower. I could actually work in the occasional attack now! I moved over by the table, and as expected, it followed me. I picked up a table leg and swung it as a club, shattering an arm. I picked up the katana. It felt alive in my hands, tingling with a warmth only found in something living. It was also rusted and aged. I snapped it accross my knee, and the result was partially unexpected. Sure the monster samurai screamed in agony again, but this time it froze momentarily as two of it's legs, one of it's arms and one of it's heads crumbled to dust. Now with only two heads, three arms, and four legs, it was less of a monster than before. Bits of armor lay around it on the floor.
I encouraged the thing to give up, and live it's afterlife in peace, but I've never known any samurai, living or dead, to ever willingly surrender and give up.

For awhile I darted and dodged around the room dancing away from it's blades, for it was weary of the column and the table. It was now considerably slower than it once was, and could fairly well keep my own against it. I outwitted it, pretending to be pinned against the wall, and it swung, getting it's blade caught in the wall. Quickly I stood and forced it's hand and the handle of it's blade down, snapping the katana. It froze again in a scream as it rattled, the arm I had touched had turned to so much dust, two more legs fell off and turned to dust, as did a skull, and bits of armor. I was now faced with a normal skeleton samurai, and one did not pose much of a threat. I darted around it, and shoved it into the wall, shattering it. I picked up it's sword and snapped it in half as well, and all the remaining bones, all the armor, all the broken blades, all of it turned to dust and blew away in a non-existent wind.

"I sure could use a healer about now." I had said aloud after that, for in my battles I suffered many cuts, some of them quite serious, but not enough to actually effect me. Or so I thought, for at that point I fainted.

[Nightstalker]

I awoke to find an elderly woman staring at me. Her eyes were filled with life, and though well aged beyond my years, her skin was soft and beautiful like a baby's. I asked her what happened, and she said I asked for a healer, which awoke her in time to see me faint from grevious wounds. She said it was a fool thing to fight those samurai, for their blades were enchanted to make the wounds they inflict seem non-existant, and a thusly ignored wound often allows it's recipiant to bleed to death. i asked what a living person was doing down here, and with a merry laugh she explained that she had infact died five hundred years ago, and had been sleeping in this room ever since then.

My wounds were wrapped very nicely, and appearently she still had some magic left for the blood I had lost had been restored. I was sore from head to toe, understandible all things considered. She cast a spell putting me to sleep, and when I awoke again, I was whole. One might think it awfully convienient to have a healer sleeping in that tower, but all things considered, I don't know how I could've survived without her aid. She laid down to sleep once more, releasing me back to the training area. Her room was off to the side of the area. Reasonable, considering has this area been filled by living people doing training, the services of a healer would be needed on occasion, and here by the training room was very ideal.

The room was still a mess, how much time has passed since I fainted, I don't know. With tredeptation, I climb to the third floor, at the top of the tower, wondering what I would find next.

At the top I find a well outfitted suit of rooms, befitting a general or some such. From the tower's top, I could see well over a wide area. What caught my intrest though, was the suit of armor clearly belonging to a master among master samurai. One so great as to be sung about in legend. It was, Well, I'm sure you've seen samurai armor before, this one was like others, but, It was shiny, bejeweled as it was with gems and metals beyond normal value. In it's hands it held am Adamantine katana. Stories tell of a time called "The War of The Tap", and this brown blade looked to be even older than that.
It had no sheath, but I knew this is what I came for, I knew this sword was "The Last Breath". It felt almost wrong, what I was about to do, to take such an exquisit sword from such an exquisit suit of armor, but the suit had two other nice Prevalida Katana on it still. So with a grin of success, I removed the thing I had come for from the armor's gloved hands. I swung it around, looking at it. I thought it would be heavy, and in a way, it was, but in my hands, it was as light as a feather. But what happened next, I won't soon forget. Eyes burned into being inside the armor, cold blue orbs of pure light staring at me with anger, and hatred.
"Dishonorable scum, give me back my soul." the armor demanded, drawing both of it's other Katana.
"Sorry honorable warrior, but I need this to return my father to the land of the living." I said bowing slightly.
"Pathetic ninja, just like your so-called 'father', and his father before him. One less ninja for my living children to deal with, one more ninja that will die in this tower." the master samurai said.

I thought the skeletons below were deadly, I thought the monster samurai was fast, all paled in comparison to the spirit I now faced. Everytime I moved one way, it moved even quicker than I did to match me. Gods, the speed at which he swung his swords, it was incredible! I picked up and threw an urn at him, and he swung his swords around so fast facing the flat of the blade towards the urn, that it was like the urn hit a solid wall!

I'm not even sure how I managed to defeat him. I swung for his middle, and one sword met my blade, while another came for my head. I ducked and moved back, drawing The Lotus Edge, determined to survive this fight somehow, and swung again. One sword went for his head, one went for his ribs, both were blocked, and as I withdrew to swing again I had to quickly move to block both blades criss-crossing for my neck with The Last Breath, with The Lotus Edge I knocked his helmet off. There was nothing inside! The helmet levitated back on. How could I defeat a suit of armor?
"I see doubt within you child, listen to it, quite, give up! You CAN'T beat me in a test of arms." the samurai said.

I fought on, blocking his strikes, but barely. He was right, I couldn't defeat him, it was hopeless. There was no way I could get my father back, I was doomed to failure. As I fought just to keep my life, parrying left and right, knocking pices of armor away, only to see them restore themselves, I slowly came to the realization as I became worn out, that I didn't need my father, my master anymore. I had my wits, and while I didn't have all his lessons, I would find my own way. With a renewed sense of purpose, I discovered something, for as long as I held doubt and despair, I was on the verge of losing, I realised if I had given in, I would've died, but when I gave them up for hope I began almost winning.
"Hold, I am sorry I took your sword, honorable warrior. I will return it to you. I know now that I don't need my father by my side to continue on in life. Thank you for helping me to see that, even indirectly." I said, offering the warrior his sword back.
He sheathed his own swords, and crossed his arms.
"That, was all you ever needed to know all along, and was the point for sending you out here in this dangerous area Nightstalker." Lady Koriko's voice said inside the suit of armor.
"Thank you milady, but why did you not tell me sooner?" I asked, curious as to why I had to go through all this.
"Some lessons are learned better on one's own. Would you have believed me if I told you directly? Even still, there were other lessons learned as well. Bring me my sword back, I'll be waiting." She said, and then the armor de-animated.
I made my way down the tower, curiously, the skeleton army fixed and repaired itself, back to it's eternal slumber. I looked at them, and they did nothing. Back down on the first floor though, I remembered the horror with the eyes. Where was it? I wanted my manhood back.

[Nightstalker]

I walked out of the tower in confidence, thinking the horror was gone. I had made it halfway accross the arena floor, when a foul stench filled the air, and I heard a hissing clicking sound behind me. I smiled, and tightened my grip on The Last Breath. I know not what other nameless horrors lay in that foul place, for as I said, the run down area was nearly the size of the entire island of scara brae, or so it seemed from the air, but this thing was going down, I was getting my manhood.

I turned just in time to leap aside as it ran past me and turned, facing me with it's clicking manidbles and hissing at me. I ran headfirst into destiny as it's mandibles clicked around my neck, I ducked in time to avoid being beheaded, I leaped sword first into it's legs and started swinging left and right severing legs as I went. A foul green ichor like acid sprayed over me and my clothes, eating my flesh and destoying my remaining linens. The Lotus edge was gone, or at least it would be in a few minutes. I wiped the goo off asbest I could, but my flesh still tingled some. I'm not sure if I hurt it or not, for it seemed just as mobile as ever, as it turned top face me. I looked, and sure enough, it's legs were regrowing! I took off running, desperate for an escape and some water.

The thing gave chase, I could hear it coming behind me. I leapt from rock to rock, steadily getting height over it, one foot higher than it's Fifteen foot height. I leapt onto it's back, and hung on for dear life, for it's many eyes saw me. I felt the same paralyzing fear as before, and actually froze in fright. However, I remembered the well-spring of courage hidden beneath fear, and tapped into that, powering through my paralisys.

I stood upon it, and it seemed quite shocked that I still moved, for it began to buck and jump around, I took to stabbing it through the eyes, each and every one of them as I came to them, and even hacked off it's eye stalks. I was glad The Last Breath was Adamantine, for it seemed immune to the strange green acid that sprayed over me. I noticed it's eyes did not grow back and reopen. AHA, some manner of success! But my moment of glory came at the price of being thrown off it's back. Landing and rolling in the hard dirt I knew I had broken some ribs. Blood began to pour in spots, the acid having completly eaten through my flesh. What luck, I spotted the great abyss ahead that seemed to truely seperate this place from Lady Koriko's castle. I ran around and hid behind a large boulder I noticed was loosened.

As expected the thing ran up and onto the large boulder. I fought off it's mandibles with The Last Breath, while pushing against the boulder with my feet. I was straining, I was in pain, I was in full battle mode, and I knew I was dying from it's acid. Slowly the boulder moved, and to my horror and disapointment, the thing began to crawl over it. It helped though I doubt helping was it's intent, for as it crawled it pushed the boulder away, and fell off the side of the abyss. I heaved a sigh in relief, I was safe.

I lay there for several minutes, getting my breath, when suddenly it returned twice as angry as before. I thought myself dead, but then a great ponderous claw rose from the abyss. It seemed made of flesh, scale, and hard crab like shell all at the same time. the claw itself looked to be human, catlike, and dragonish at the same time. I don't know what worked that claw, and I pray to whatever benevolent spirit cares to hear that I never do. It grabbed the horrifying thing I was fighting and dragged it screaming into the abyss. Yes, the thing I was fighting was screaming, not as people scream, but in it's own way, a high pitched noise that said it was frightened of what had it. I'm almost certain it was eaten, for I heard a wet chewing noise that made me turn over and get sick on the spot.

Wonder of wonders, I was alive, but how to make it back accross? One of Lady Koriko's flying monkey servents hit the switch for me. the very same spidery one that had flown me out there earlier. I limped accorss, now bleeding profusely and on the verge of passing out. I hit the last foor of the bridge and blacked out, I don't know if I fell forward onto land or sideways into the abyss, but I know the monkey grabbed me, for once I regained conciousness and had the sensation of flying, and saw the castle below me.

When I truely awoke again, that same elderly woman that had healed me was by my bedside where Lady Koriko had me housed. My sword, The Lotus Edge lay by my bedside, a curious green tinge to it. The Last Breath was gone.
"The lady took it child. I followed you out of the tower, curious what a living man was doing here. The monkey saw me coming as he caught you from where you had fallen into the abyss, He must be a strong monkey indeed, for I was behind you, he carried us both. The lady took her sword and ventured to where you had left yours. She returned, leaving you The sword you had dropped. I patched your clothes as best I could. Your whole once more." The kind old healer said. I still couldn't believe she wasn't alive. But I was thankful to be so myself.

[Nightstalker]

Later that day I was summoned to Lady Koriko's presence. I dressed in my patchy clothes and held my sword, now without any sort of a cover, at my side. I found Magesha there waiting for me at the door, and wordlessly we both entered. I smiled, for Lady Koriko sat beside a garden of Lotus flowers in every color. I felt this was a good sign, for the lotus flower is my symbol you see. Everyone I've ever killed, and those I will, receive one at some random point before they die. It's nice to give people warnings.

"Two fine young gentlemen stand before me, each intent on getting their fathers back, each worthy of such a gift." Lady Koriko said smiling at us.
I felt elated, I didn't care that Magesha might get his father back too, I was getting mine!"
"But to all things, there must be balance, and I can only let one of you walk away with your father this day. So you must decide between yourselves. Knowing you'll never agree, each wanting his father in equal measure, each deserving their father in equal measure, You must fight each other. To the victor go the spoils, to the loser, only the shame of defeat." Lady Koriko said. I turned to face Magesha, and discovered he must've had some exciting experiences of his own, for his armor looked brand new.
He drew his sword and faced me, even as I held my own at the ready.
"Give up friend, maybe you can save your father some otherway, some other day." Magesha said.
"To you, I say the same." I returned.
"No man who would keep me from my father is my friend." Magesha spat.
"Then it's agreed, enemies." I said, smiling.
"Ahem, FIGHT!" Lady Koriko said with a shout that spurred us into action.
I bent over and plucked a black lotus from the garden, and tossed it at Magesha.
Magesha sliced it to ribbons in mid-air.

The fight was quite an exciting one, and despite the power of my earlier enemies, Magesha was by far the toughest opponet I fought that day, so I will record in in blow by blow detail for your enjoyment.

Magesha struck first whipping his Katana around to my side, I blocked with the flat of the Lotus Edge and aimed a kick at his chest which connected sending him stumbling back a few paces. I retracted my leg in time to narrowly miss having it sliced off with his blade. I swung my own blade around to get him in the side and he blocked with this blade, but here a curious thing happened, I noticed my blade bit into his a little deeper than it should've. I resolved to wonder about this later and thanked Koriko silently for whatever she did to my blade. As our blades came back to our sides I jammed mine point first into the ground where the flower had been and moved in to fight with my hands.

Magesha smiled thinking he now had the upper hand, and as he swung the blade for my neck I ducked and lunged inward spearing him accross his middle driving him back. His grip on his sword failed and it clattered to the ground. He punched me in my back making me release my grip and fall to the ground. I grabbed his legs even as he went for his sword and made him fall to the ground beside me. I rolled over onto him chopping him in the neck and rolled off and to my feet.

Magesha got to his feet as quickly as he could, and impatient, I assisted him by kicking him in the forehead, but not here's where Magesha began to surprise me, it seems he knew how to fight with his hands to, though not as well. He grabbed for one of my arms to break it, and I slapped his hands away with my own opened hands. Magesha kept his balled, which is a mistake. I reached out to punch me, and I grabbed his arms and pushed up at the elbow to break it, but his armor locked, preventing such a thing. He came around with his other hand hitting me accross the head and bluring my vision.

I Kicked him away and shook my vision clear in time to see him grab his sword. I darted awound a tree to use it as a shield of sorts, and he merely stabbed around the tree keeping me pinned behind it, for If I were to dodge left or right, he would quickly follow. Luckily, the tree split just above where our heads were, and so I grabbed the tree and quickly climbed it, alas I was now treed, as Magesha circled the tree looking at me, waiting for me to drop. He forced me up further into the tree as he kept stabbing at my feet with his sword, and actually wounded my heels, hampering my movement. I leapt out of the tree fracturing my ribs against the stone slabs that were the floor. I grabbed my sword and turned to block Magesha's following blow with his Katana. Again, I noticed my blade bit deeper into his than it normally should've. Magesha seemed to notice it too. I had an advantage with my blade, so I took to fighting Magesha, limping on injured hurting feet and holding a wounded middle. I stabbed at Magesha's middle. I was loosing, for as I mentioned, a ninja and a samurai are not both built for direct assaults. I was built for stealth, forced into a direct assault. Magesha slapped my blade away with his own, and I swung directly for his blade with all my remaining strength, having twice deeply scored his blade with my own, his was now weak, and ready to break.

With a snap I heard Magesha's blade shatter, an act that took all the fight out of Magesha. He knelt on the floor, shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Go on, Kill me, you've won." he said, tears in his eyes. My sword was poised, ready to strike, but a chill hand stopped me.
"Enough, there is no need to die this day." Lady Koriko said.
"But he has destroyed my sword, broken my spirit, will you also give him my honor too?" Magesha said in anger.
"Magesha will stay here awhile longer, it would seem there is more for him to do, to regain his spirit." Lady Koriko said, snapping and banishing Magesha to someplace far away.

"So, I get my father back now?" I asked.
"Yes, you get your father back now. He will be inside your heart, inside your mind, a warm guiding voice you can always turn to when you need him most." Lady Koriko said.
"But, I, that isn't," I said spluttering.
"Come now, did you think he would just be alive again? All things must end in their apointed time, all must eventually cease to live. Surely you understood he would only ever be a memory." she said.
"At least more than a voice!" I pleaded.
"Alright, I shall allow him to appear before you as a spirit, but not at all hours of the day. He shall come to you via your sword, and depart via your sword. He may stay only for a little while, but may not assist you in your endeavors. He may, however, continue to pass on his knowledge as one of the greatest Ninja of his time, and in this fashion help you to become the legend you deserve to be." Lady Koriko said.
"I guess that's better." I responded in a downcast voice.
"It's all your getting. Which reminds me, your sword, I remade it for you, which gave it a new ability. Rather, I didn't remake it, a certain legendary Akashiman Blacksmith reforged it for you. It was imbued with the blood of the monster you defeated. Thus, because it was acidic, your sword now has an acidic strike that may or may not grow stronger over time. Enough talk, your time in my domain has come to an end for now, but rest assured, you will return one day, and never depart." Lady Koriko said. She snapped her fingers, and in tottered the same elderly healer that had been assisting me.
"Your going to need to wake up." Koriko said.
I looked at her not understanding.
The healer cast a spell on me, sending me away from Lady Koriko's domain. But it felt like I was asleep, which was what she appearently meant by wake up.
"Wake up." I heard her say again, I looked around in confusion.
"Wake up!" I heard her say more forcefully, and I woke up, to find myself laying in a bed in the woods somewhere. Before me was the same healer, but now she looked, younger, remarkably so, and slightly different.
"Wait, you came with me? How'd you get so young? I'm confused, what's going on here?" I asked, very confused.
"I bet you are, we found you deep in the woods, you were knocked out when part of a falling tree you chopped down hit you on the head. Lucky I had been nearby gathering herbs. I thought I saw a samurai, or a ronin in the area, and called for his help, but I guess I was mistaken. Oh yeah, I found this weird green sword near you." The young lady said.
I looked at her, was it all a dream? Yet I didn't have a green sword before, so how could it be a dream? If it was, then how did I dream of her, did I see her during a brief unknown bout of conciousness? For that matter, how did my sword turn green if it was a dream. I don't think it was, but I guess I'll never know. The old healer I saw in the land of the dead must've been her ancestor. I thanked her for her help and explained I had to get home to my elderly father, and rushed through the woods with my sword.

At home, the pain of losing my father hit me again, for he lay dead on the floor. Deciding not to waste anymore time, I dug and buried him behind the house, and sat down to record these logs lest I forget them in the future. They will be the start of my true story. By chance, I'm sure you remember my earlier logs, I know I do. They were intact and in my clothers, though I don't know how.

I called my father, and as he came through the blade, it turned black, and glassy. I know it's made of steel, or at least it once was. but now, It looks like a whole new sword. If it was a dream, then how come I can call my father, it had to be real, yet one of those mysteries I'll never know, but this one I do want to understand.

This is my house now, but it's too painful to stay here. I am letting a family friend borrow it, and take care of it. I have gathered some supplies and am now heading out into the world to seek my fortunes. May you never be at the end of my blade, or the recipient of one of my Black Lotus Flowers, for I will show no mercy. I come and go as the wind, known only by the name others call me by. Nightstalker.

A house in the Shirayama mountains. A young man leaves in ragged clothes, his sword at his side, and some gold in his pockets. A life of adventure and adventure awaits him.

In the Anti-firmament in Lady Koriko's Jade Palace, a young ronin clenches his hands in anger, trapped, and unable to leave for the time being. For perhaps the twentieth time that day, he shakes his fist at the ceiling and shouts an oath at his hated enemy, a man that kept him seperated from his father, forever.

"DAMN YOU NIGHTSTALKER! I WILL KILL YOU, EVEN IF I HAVE TO HUNT YOU TO THE ENDS OF CREATION, I WILL DESTROY YOU NIGHTSTALKER!"

ooc:

Spoils:

Items: The Lotus Edge:
Once a common steel Wakizashi, this sword has been enchanted two fold, first it has an ability called Acid Bite, which can eat through most common substances with ease. The exactness of this ability will be hashed out in a mid-level update with RoG, though I do have an unneccessarily complicated system in mind.

Second, it serves as a gateway for Nightstalker's father, Master Roshi to come by his side for a limited time, and as such is glossy black in color.

------
Familier NPC: Master Roshi.
This dead Ninja is the adopted father of Nightstalker and his teacher. He is permitted to be by Nightstalker's side on occasion to continue his training and offer up advice.
Master Roshi is prevented from actually helping Nightstalker directly with anything more, and as such will not appear in battles except perhaps at the end after the fight is finished to offer pointers and advice on how to do better next time. In quests, he might appear at any time, but once again, cannot interact with the physical world, and so can only pass on advice and knowledge as needed. Because Master Roshi comes and goes through Nightstalker's sword, his passage will ALWAYS cause it to become Glossy Black, whether it is his current sword, or a future sword, thus making it seem to those who do not know the secret, that his sword is unbreakable, which is far from the truth.

[AdventWings]

[Gingitsu]: Well, hello, Nightstalker! So, how was that little walk in the woods on your way to Koriko's realm? I'm impressed by your effort and hope that you come away with new ideas for future tales. At any rate, let us begin with your Judgment, shall we?

Story

Continuity - 5
Narrating the story in a very linear and straight-forward fashion. As it is your first story, with not much to work on, there weren't any impressive twists in the story I was hoping for.
As it is, the story was very fast and somewhat disjointed, made worse by a style of writing you were not familiar with. With everything fusing together to give it a diary-like effect, it came off as more passive narration than active participation. But that is to be discussed more in "Technique."

Setting - 6
You attempted to describe the setting whenever you can and even incorporate the atmosphere into your movements. Sometimes, however, you forced the reader with telling them the atmosphere instead of showing them through the narration. Of course, that's mainly attributed to the style of writing you were experimenting with. More under "Technique."

The Jade Palace, however, stuck with me through the story. Despite it being a prominent landmark in the "realm" you were in, it wasn't quite effectively used in your writing and served merely as a sort of backdrop during the middle part of the story. The final fight against Magesha completely omitted the setting altogether and it felt like reading a fght scene in a void. Pay attention to the little details more often but don't overuse it.

Pacing - 5
I originally thought it would be moving at a slower pacing from the way things proceeded in the beginning, but the later half of the story went by like a train. Perhaps it was because you tried to fit too many scenes and confrontation within a single story which forced your writing to speed through the scenes where more story could be fleshed out. The fight against the nightmarish beast (the Thing, as you named it) could serve as a "boss fight" for another story completely, as I sensed the duel against the General was already the climax of the story. With three major battles taking place within a timespan of 3 posts, I wasn't quite sure where the main course for this story was.

Writing Style

Mechanics - 6
Be aware of what you write as well as the meaning you intend to put forward. Many times I found myself wondering "Does me mean wary as in cautious or weary as in tired?" (Some from your previous works; only one instance here in Post #9.) Sometimes you still continue to mix up your and you're (The first is a possessive, the latter is an abbreviated form of you are) as well as their and they're. (Post #5; this should be the latter form.) When in doubt, spell out the long form (You're -> You are) and see if it's what you intend to write. This type of error popped up enough times to confuse me during the story.

Technique - 5
Well... Not quite sure of what to say. It's in diary format, written by Nightstalker himself. I'll have to say it served its purpose, but not taking enough advantage of the format. In my opinion, this type of writing style is very hard to have it done right and generally almost undoable without some form of interruption of "passive" narration such as those we normally see on the site. While I applaud you for breaking the norm of writing, more exercise in this format shouldn't do much harm to your writing.

Clarity - 5
It was a straight-forward read with some slight confusion due to writing style and mechanics. The way Nightstalker related to in his diary made the scene and atmosphere constantly shift back and forth between seriousness and almost comedic. Serious comedy and Comedic Tension are both techniques that require some in-depth research in putting into practice but for some reason this was felt as merely smashing them together. The movement of the story was also slightly confusing, but it was made clear that the entire trial was for Nightstalker to understand a lesson.

The final fight scene did not entirely make sense, especially since Lady Koriko stated that your retrieval of the Last Breath would be your last test. The purpose of Nightstalker's diary entry was also a bit of an enigma: Why did he write it up? Who is it intended for? What purpose does it serve in the character's life and/or service? The overall story left me wanting to know more about "Why, why, why" but that's just me. Perhaps not true for other people, but it would make one wonder.

Character

Dialogue - 6
Magesha and Nightstalker came off geniune during their travel to the Jade Palace. However, the first jarring piece of dialogue came with Lady Koriko's welcoming speech. She did not sound quite like what I had imagined, but that is easily ignorable as most people who read this would not know what Lady Koriko was really like. The Lady originally was to be someone who spoke little but precise when she does, but perhaps each writer has their own rendition of her appearance within their minds. Therefore, this is merely your rendition and I will not deduct points for artistic license.

On another note, I find that you have a tendency to overdescribe things in dialogues. An example would be the Healer's long (little) speech about how she followed Nightstalker from the tower, how the monkey saved him and carried her back to the Jade Palace. How Lady Koriko took the Adamantine sword and how the healer patched him up. (Even ending the dialogue with "You('re) whole once more." which is redundant, as she already said she patched him up.) That's a bit too long considering the two of them were not really acquainted with each other as well. Omitting some redundant portions of the speech that would serve better to be used in narration should help you out in this instance.

Action - 7
You played upon Trust/Distrust between the Ninja and Samurai class which reflected in their reaction towards each other. However, you neglected the more urgent danger of offending The Guardian of the End who is the apparent ruler of the realm. Her almost "playful" demeanor contrasted with her position of overlooking the dead and Magesha was equally anomalous, especially when he showed his opponent the jewel he was supposed to guard. While it is tempting to use Trust as a plot device to break the character out of impossible circumstances, it should only be kept for situations where Trust is the main theme of the story. As for the overall story, you remained with the stereotype for each character type without attempting to break the convention.

Persona - 6
This is a fairly hard category to assess, as persona is the emotional and psychological drive within a person/character that motivated action and speech. In short, you stayed with the stereotype often found in other stories without attempting to understand (or show the readers) why each character type acts or speaks the way they do. Nightstalker's personality is ambiguously frustrating as well, for his writing style (since this is his diary, your writing style becomes his own) hinted at slightly immature and arrogant. Lady Koriko's personality is somewhat contradictory to her position within the Akashiman Pantheon (also compared to her very first dialogue spoken to Nightstalker's master, a clear difference could be seen) and more of a mentor figure than a mere guide. As that was your intention, the reason behind it appeared to be only as a means to add her in as a plot device and not as a character in her own existence.

Miscellaneous

Wild Card - 7
You attempted to include many references to Japanese/Akashiman lore and culture, which is much appreciated by the region writer and revealed the different cultural niches not commonly found in Western/European culture. However, they were greatly watered down or slightly misunderstood and modified, which could contribute to more misunderstanding to those who do not understand the culture. But in all, this was an interesting read both in terms of style and story.

FINAL SCORE – 58!

((Rewards + Spoils))

Nightstalker receives 900 EXP and 140 GP. He also receives the Lotus Edge (imbued with Acid Bite, pending approvals by the RoG) as well as the NPC Master Roshi's Spirit (Nice DBZ reference, by the way) who cannot directly aid Nightstalker in combat.

[Gingitsu]: Zannen da. Raven's a pretty harsh judge. I hope you're not too disheartened by this, because there is still time to practice. We'll see you next time!

[Witchblade]

EXP and GP added!