Lunar Fun (closed to Edward Judorne)

[Xos]

Xos awoke in one of the recovery rooms of The Citadel. Xos had walked out of a fight with a man named Lars, who had failed utterly to teach Xos anything about hand to hand combat, or so it seemed.

Fuming, Xos paced the room, upset that his precious valuble time had been wasted. HIS time, not some nobody, his time was far too valuble to waste. As Valedictorian of Kessingale University back home, he could walk into the offices of ANY business, and be offered a job on the spot. He had better things to do then waste his time with bad teachers.

Sensing his anger, he was approached by the monks who sought to calm him down.
"Blast me to the moon! I'm so upset I could fight again, ohh let me at them, I'll rip them limb from limb." Xos said, slamming his fist onto a wooden table.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xos looked around at his surroundings again.
"I really should learn to be careful what I wish for, I might get it." He said to the innocent seven foot pink rabbit chewing on the trunk of an orange tree nearby.
The rabbit paused, looked at him, and resumed munching on the tree seconds later. When Xos had shouted at them to blast him to the moon, they took him literally, and sent him to an average moon in far orbit of Althanas. By coincedence, they didn't have to do anything except teleport him all the way up there, which even for the powers of the monks, was not an easy feat, however they managed, and once having accomplished the feat, cast spells on the lunar surface which would make it easier for them to come to and from the moon in the future.

The moon Xos was on had an atmosphere thick enough to maintain life, but thin enough to at any time, look up and see the stars, the other moons, and Althanas. Around him was a thick forest, the trees were orange, and here and there, large pink rabbits gnawed on the trees, eating them. The trees themselves seemed to be orange, and seemed to be thick and heavy like Rywan, yet springy like Talymer. Xos decided to name it Rymer. The grass was a lighter shade of green, bordering on white. The gravity, as one might expect, was not as strong as it was on Althanas itself, and so Xos's steps were exceptionally light and springy, he was almost flying with each step.
Used to heavier gravity as he was, he was able to leap up to the tops of the short ten foot trees and enjoy the scent of the pink flowers amid the purple leaves.

Xos climbed down to the surface, an easy feat in the light gravity, and waited for his opponet. The Monks had to rest up and regain their strength from the enormous energies required to go to the moon. But as they said, they established a sort of bridge so it wouldn't be a problem in the future. He sat on a large rock, and looked at Althanas. He could see Corone beneath some clouds, and as he carefully observed, could make out many known regions of the world. He wished he had a telescope, that he might try to pick out Scara Brae, or other individual places on the world.

Xos heard the familier hum of the long distance teleport spell the monks used to bring him here. To Xos, being from a reality in which space travel was common, the sight he saw wasn't anything special to marvel at, but to a native althanian, one who had never left their world, the sight of looking down at althanas, at realising one's insiginificance in the multi-verse in the vastness of space, it was probably quite a sight. So Xos politely remained quiet for several moments, to afford his opponet a moment to take it all in.

Then he broke the silence.
"Quite a sight, isn't it. To see how small everything really is, to know how insiginificant we are. It's quite a beauty. My name is Xos, a pleasure to meet you. I didn't really mean that they should send me to the moon, brings to mind the saying that you should be careful what you wish for, you might get it." Xos said.

He stood up in what was the middle of the moon's day, it was bright out. and turned to his opponet, ready to fight. A ways away just at the edge of the fifty foot clearing stood a small company of monks, waiting for the inevitable end, yet they too were enjoying the beauty of what the naked eye could see.

Xos regretted not being able to just go explore this world, perhaps another time. He wondered what new species he might discover here. He looked at the trees and the giant pink rabbits, who had fled into the forest and could only wonder at what might be.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward was frustrated, he had tried his hardest to hang with the big guns in the Pagoda, but after an almost humiliating defeat, he knew he needed more training. He was not ready for another attempt at the Pagoda quite yet, so it was back to the citadel to train. The monks there knew him well enough to know his preferances by now. He was the oddball that always came in asking for a match against a strong opponent and recently started asking that they put him in arenas that were challenging in one respect or another. This was all because he hated the norm and he hated easy battles.

While it was true that Edward came to the citadel to battle, he wasn't expecting the monks to be so tired or to look so weak, nor was he expecting to be assigned to a room right away. One of the monks smiled weakly as he saw Edward come in.

"What happened here?" Edward asked confusedly.

"We were asked to make a new arena by someone. Normally creating portals doesn't take much energy, but this place the man wanted to battle was a bit... far. We also needed to make it possible to breathe there, which was quite a task, but now that we have made the path you should be able to get there just fine."

"Why me? I'm not complaining, but I am curious." Edward inquired

"Well, because you are here. That and we've seen how cautiously you fight. Right now we need someone who can prolong the battle a bit so we can recover enough to heal you after the fight. It shouldn't take too long, but you are our best bet for this."

Edward rolled his eyes as he stepped through the portal. The portal took a few minutes to take him to his destination, but when he arrived, his opponent greeted him with his name and some odd comment about feeling insidgnificant, to which after looking at the odd cratered landscape, Edward had to grin.

"Insignificant, you say? Surprised, maybe, but I've felt more insignificant at other moments in my life. I heard you've caused quite a stir. My name is Edward Judorne, and I hope you won't hold back against me. You are the only one I feel is insignificant right now, so please prove me wrong."

[Xos]

"Proving, always with the proving. Perhaps I exist merely for the sake of existing." Xos said, getting philisophical for a moment. He gathered his feet beneath them, crouching low, and leapt straight up into the tree, since the gravity was low. He grabbed a branch at the apex of his ascent and swung into a sitting position. He knew under normal gravity he could not've done that. He threw a fireball down at his opponet.

"I do feel bad about causing so much trouble for the monks though. Every time I come to the citadel I always find my way into strange and unusual arenas." Xos said.

The tree he was on had a small branch, about the size of a large wand, or small sword, that was ripe for the plucking, so he took it from the tree.

So armed, he scanned the area below for his opponet, wondering what he would make of the low gravity that allowed a person great leaps into ten foot trees.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward may not have been all that familiar with the gravity of the moon, but he had watched Xos use it to his advantage and realized something was different about the arena. Besides, it didn't take an idiot to realize that a fireball needed to be dodged.

Jumping away from the blast, Edward went much farther backwards than he had expected. Not that he could complain too much, he still dodged the fireball after all, but something about this arena rubbed him the wrong way. This was not going to be an easy battle if the height and distance of all the jumps were magnified.

"So, you said you always end up in unusual arenas, huh? I've been looking for arenas to challenge me, I'll always be happy to take you on. Enough with this table chat, come at me like you mean it" Edward said, remembering that the monks had asked him to delay the results for a while. Perhaps Edward would just see what strategy this guy had for before he himself attacked.

[Valanthe]

Xos smiled, sitting in the tree. If this guy couldn’t use magic, he was in serious trouble, for just as lower gravity magnified jumps, it also weakened the strength of one’s blows, which would inevitably force his opponent to hit softer, due entirely to the lowered gravity.
Xos felt so intelligent he could barely stand himself. He thought of an old saying about pride being one’s undoing, but that was under normal circumstances surely. There was no possible way this could be turned against him, Xos was sure of it.

So, if Ed wanted Xos to bring it, Xos would bring it. He climbed down from the tree, and spotted where his opponent had jumped to. He could throw another fireball, that’s for certain, but what then would be the point? One had already been dodged; another would be no problem, so what then, Arcane Blast? What then would be the point of going to another battle in the citadel? He could just as easily kill the first beggar he saw with a well placed Arcane Blast if murder was all he wanted.

What did he want? What was this battle’s purpose? To vent anger and frustration? Definitely, but was that all? Such an activity was unhealthy in the long run, the first step towards being an evil ruthless murderer. Xos couldn’t comprehend being such a person. No, he knew what it really was, he wanted to improve his fighting technique really. He wasn’t yet strong enough magically to be a real threat with his magic. He looked around on the ground and found a large discarded branch. He picked it up and used it as an improvised staff. The Rymer wood felt warm in his hands. A giant pink rabbit had been chewing on it, and so it had a nice sharp end.

He brandished his improvised staff in his hands, and started after Edward, and as he got closer, jabbed at him with the sharp gnawed end of the staff.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward almost laughed as he saw his opponent pick up a stick and charge in. It seemed this wizard had already underestimated him, if he thought that would work. Then again, he could be using that old stick to cast a spell with at the last second. Edward decided not to wait to find out and shot an electric missle his way at the last second, so it would be harder to dodge. As usual, Edward felt like giving out advice as the battle went on.

"I admire you for mixing things up, but I could see your attack coming a mile away. You obviously are better with magic, and on someone who relies heavily on magic that may have worked, but most people who don't have been trained to see an attack like that coming. Come on. You're a wizard, I can tell that much already from how you've fought. Give me something that will make me break a sweat."

[Xos]

Xos was merely testing his opponents abilities. Seeing that Ed could use electricity, Xos smiled, then his smile faded to a frown as the attack hit him. His insides didn't feel none too good, but he supposed he could fight on.

"I would, but I grew up in a world where magic is all but non-existent. My power, it hasn't yet grown here. Now, are we going to stand around and jabber like two old ladies or are you going to be serious about this and bring it?" Xos asked. He didn't release his branch staff, but he did set the point down. He threw another fireball. He would use Arcane Flare, but he was saving his best for last. He swung the staff back up into attack position.

Really, truth be told he was irritated at being put into a match with a damn chatterbox. Oh well. Next attack, he was going to block with his energy shield, especially if it looked powerful.

[Edward Judorne]

(Sorry for the delay)

It was odd, Most people Edward gave advice to, he felt hostility from when they talked back, and although that was still there, Edward could sense that he was still calm for the mostpart. This was good news. The fight would go on longer this way. Edward couldn't even count the times he was able to use his opponent's anger against them.

Seeing as his own attack was at point blank range, his opponent's next attack would likely be too close too react to. His opponent likely realized this too, but Edward wasn't able to even start dodging in advance to this on the moon because the moon's gravity made him move a lot slower than he'd like. Although Edward knew this, he didn't realize to what extent this applied. Trying to bring his cape around to block it with the Delyn inlay proved to be too slow as he got hit in the chest with the fireball that he knew was coming.

Edward staggered backwards and as soon as he regained his composure, he started testing his movements on the moon to learn what he could and couldn't do in what had to be the funniest moment of the fight so far. After a bit, Edward stared at Xos and being pretty sure that he was used to the gravity, Smiled.

"Ok, I'm ready."

[Xos]

Xos smiled, as Edward fumbled around, getting used to the lower gravity. Xos was familiar with lower gravity, and no gravity at all, due to Kessingale being a galactic society. Though he too took the few minutes to reassure himself of the changes to his physical actions. He took a moment to appraise Edward as well. He couldn't just be outright bold with his actions anymore. Subterfuge was needed. Xos smiled, and got ready for round 2.

"So am I." Xos said as he grinned.

His grin quickly faded as he launched a fireball, but right behind the fireball came the point of his staff the rabbit had been chewing on earlier.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward put on a bit of a smile as this fireball came his way. While it was true that he couldn't turn fast enough or bring his arm over fast enought to use theDelyn inlay of his cape to block the oncoming attack, Edward had found a loophole. He turned his body while bringing his cape over at the same time. Both movements only took half the time to finish than they normally would have, all because they only had to move half the distance.

By Sidestepping and bringing his cape over to protect his side, he was barely able to protect against the fireball, but it still stung.

The followup attack didn't help things either, as it pierced Edward's cape and managed to push him back a bit, but due the inlay, it too was blocked.

"Not bad, this certainly does seem to be an interesting fight. Your fireballs seem to be quite strong too." Edward took off his armor as he said this. He didn't want his armor to melt, and besides, it was weighing him down.

"As ar as I'm concerned, though, your strategy could still use a bit of work"

Edward let his cape drop to the ground, hopefully, the inlay was heavy enough to break the twig that had been thrust at him and caught in there.

"Anyway, how about I start actually fighting now." Edward said as he pulled out his Damascus rapier and thrust it forward, knowing full well that his movements would be slower. With his other hand he prepared to cast Electric Missle at wherever his foe dodged to.

[Xos]

"I am but a humble student." Xos said, indicating his was willing to listen to pointers Ed might be willing to offer up.

Xos watched the rapier coming for him. As it reached him, he made an energy Shield, but slanted it so that even if the attack went through, it would be shunted off to the right.
At that point he noticed Edward preparing an electric missle, so he fired up and readied a fireball to counter.

"Now then, we find out just how much strategy we both have. I know I can knock your sword away, and we know we can counter each other's ranged attacks." Xos said.
Then he showcased another move, by casting Arcane Blast on Ed's sword hand. He knew it wouldn't be lethal, but if it worked, it would cause trouble whenever he tried to use it.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward was actually quite surprised at this latest attack from his opponent and it hit with a tremendous force. It was the first time in a while anyone had hit him with an attack he didn't see coming, and to im it where he did, was quite genious. Even Edward had to admit this, but there were still some pointers Edward had to give out as he dropped his rapier out of pain.

"Nice shot. That rendered me quite surprised,and it hurts like a bitch, but why my sword arm? We both know how useless weapons are up here. Also, just a bit of advice, but don't tempt me to use strategy. You're wide open." Edward said, shoot an electrical missle at his opponent's leg. In all truthfulness, Edward fully expected this attack to be countered with a fireball, but when that happened, edward was ready to use that opening to drive a Shock beam through his opponent's other leg. If his foe caught on, he wouldn't use that second attack, though. it was too strong to waste unless he was sure it would hit.

[Xos]

Xos shot a fireball at the electric missle, and leaped aside. He wasn't sure why, but it seemed imprudent to stand in one place for very long. His leap had taken him tenn feet to the side.

"Well, teacher, I am but a humble spellcaster. I am not a very physical man. Against a sword, I am helpless. So anything I can do to even the odds, so much the better." Xos said.

He noticed he was now obscured by tall grass. Which would make a straight forward fireball dangerous. He decided to lob one over the grass like a bomb, while hurling his makeshift staff at Edward straight forward through the grass.

He knew the gravity made him slower, but at least he was trying something new.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward watched as Xos countered his electrical missle with a fireball and sidestepped Edward's next attack before it was even shot off. If Edward hadn't been aware that there was a chance the wizard might yet be able to dodge it, he would, in fact, have shot off a shock beam, but as it was, he managed to hold himself back from doing so for now. As his opponent jumped off, Edward was faced with the suden realization that he was at a major disadvantage. He was quickly running out of spells to use, while he was almost certain that his opponent was just getting started with his spells, and seeing how physicall attacks seemed too slow to do any good, this really put him in a bind. Despite all this, though, Edward wasn't about to give up any hopes of having a favorable outcome just yet.

Edward watched as his opponent threw his staff at him and the fireball into the air.

Thinking rather quickly, as usual, Edward shot his Shock beam straight through the thrown weapon, shattering it. Edward knew he was only able to maintain the beam for 5 more seconds, but he figured that would be plenty of time to get it to hit his foe. As for the fireball, as soon as his beam was over with, he'd cancel the fireball out with an electrical missle, but in the meantime, his focus was on aiming his beam.

[Xos]

Xos was feeling pretty desperate, he was out of attacks, and out of ideas. Then his makeshift staff was destroyed by a continuous beam of electricity.
Xos lost his head, and tried to turn and run but as he got halfway turned, the beam struck him, temporarily stunning Xos. As his body screamed in pain, he fell over to the ground. Not dead, but not moving. Hitting the ground seemed to shake Xos out of the shock, and he got on his knees, thinking as desperatly as he could for something to surprise Ed with.

He watched as a small ant sized creature scurried accross the ground chasing a smaller creature.

"That's it." Xos said quietly, getting an idea from the scene.

He got to his feet shakily, and eyed Ed for a moment before taking off running and jumping, trying to find a place to hide.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward chased after Xos, knowing full well that it was a trap. He didn't know why he did so, he was acting on instinct at best, but he was still extremely Wary. He almost had to chase after the magician in a way because if Xos got away, Edward would not know which way to look to see whre the next spell was coming from.

Even so, the wizard had a good head start on Edward. This was not good, and with all that jumping, Edward soon lost sight of the man he was chasing

"Come on out, you can't win this one by running away!"

[Xos]

Oh yes I can! Xos's plan was simple, lose Edward in the forest. Then he would throw a fireball, and move to another spot, throw a fireball, and move to another spot.

He started first by throwing a fireball back the way he came, towards Edward, then leaped through the trees circling to the right, and throwing another fireball at Ed, and so on. He'd make half a circle, in this fashion, then switch patterns, only doing half or a quarter of the new pattern, before switching again. At least, that was the plan.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward Jumped to the side of the fireball that came towards him, and As he watched another fireball come his way, he was hit with a bright Idea. After jumping over the second fireball and into the treetops, for a third. His plan was to get Xos to start a forest fire with his own magic, but the plan changed quickly as he realized that Xos was probably unable to see him now. Still, Edward stayed as alert as he possibly could, looking around, ready to dodge any fireballs that came his way.

In the meantime, he had to think quickly, he had already used up all his Electrical missles and his shock beam. He only had one move left, Tempest Tantrum. After that, He was down to Melee combat only. He knew this would put him at a huge disadvantage, so he had to really think about where the best place to use it would be.

[Xos]

It is interesting to note, that in certain situations, two brilliant minds such as Xos and Edward will both reach the same conclusion. In this instance, the conclusion was that both were on their last legs. Xos had one more Arcane Blast left, and that was going for Edward's throat, once Xos found him. His last fireball though, was destined to start a forest fire.

The Rymer caught on fire easily, at least the small loose branch he found on the ground did. He laid the burning branch beneath a cluster of bushes close to a tight grove of trees. Within seconds the bushes had caught on fire, but because they were living they burned slower. The fire started to lick the trees, and soon bit into them, catching them on fire too. A forest fire had been started.

It was at that point that an interesting feature of the Rymer tree was discovered. Rymer trees can scream. Yes, as the fire burned the trees, a series of screams began to eminate from the trees. At first Xos grew pale and leap back away from the trees, startled by the screams. Then the more intelligent side of his brain took over and figured it was simply small pockets of air that had some how been trapped in the trees escaping. He had no idea how close he was. It was actually the sap. The Rymer tree sap vaporizes from the inside out, causing a screaming sound as the vapor escapes through small holes in the outer parts of the sap. The screams themselves sounded almost wooden, lending to the concept of trees screaming in pain.

Xos wondered how fooled Edward would be.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward was quite surprised when Xos decided to start a forest fire on purpose, but what startled him more was the sound the trees made. There was no sound on Althanas like it. It sounded almost like a ghostly howl, and being half-elven only made things worse. His ears were hurting from the noise. He cursed his ears for this as he began to think. It was extremely hard to do this do to the loud noise, but it had to be done.

Suddenly, it occured to him. The loud noise was his key to victory. It didn't matter what type of noise he made, because most likely, Xos wouldn't hear it over the tree's screams.

Edward jumped out of the trees and landed outside the forest. He had finally gotten used to the gravity around here, and was using it to his advantage. As he Landed he looked around for Xos, and after making sure Xos wasn't behind him, Smiled. It was time for the inal confrontation, after this spell, Edward would be beat both Physically and Mentally. But he was pretty sure it would beat his foe, too. Now, the oly question was, Where was Xos?

[Xos]

Where was Xos? It was one of the many questions that plagued the wizard's mind.
After the fire had spread, Xos got lost trying to move around the fire and get back to where Edward was, but unfortunately, Xos forgot that fire spreads in every direction it can.

That was how he came to be surrounded by fire, roaring, screaming, crackling all around him, Xos felt like a small child, separated from mommy. Sometimes, even the smartest of people will panic, and make mistakes, or otherwise act incredibly stupid. Xos would've recalled that wise statement from his teacher, and calmed down a little, had he not panicked and darted off randomly into the forest.

Over logs, under branches, and around bushes, Xos was lost in his own private hell. Edward would see Xos fleeing in panic, but from a distance, as the panic striken man ran, as though from demons. He had a good plan in making the fire, but didn't yet have the follow through to make a great plan out of it.

[Edward Judorne]

It pained Edward to see such a pathetic sight. Hesitating a bit, Edward decided to give up on the battle and instead save his opponent from himself. Although Xos would probably attack him as soon as the opening presented itself, which Edward was sure it would, Edward rushed in towards Xos and yelled out to him.

"Don't panic, don't attack! I'm going to get you out of there, just hang on!"

Edward's plan was simple, get in, pick up Xos, then use the moon's gravity to jump out of there with him. Although Edward knew he should be fighting his Citadel opponent, it was just too cruel to sit and watch his foe burn away in his mind. He did yell out one more piece of advice before attempting to save his opponent.

"You've got the brains to become a real good fighter, but you have to consider the consequences of all your actions. remember this: Any action could backfire at any time, you have to expect it to backfire, and have planned a way around the backfire before you do the action."

I'll leave it up to you how well the rescue attempt goes. It should work perfectly, but if Xos is in too much of a panic, then who knows what will happen.

[Xos]

"I'M GOING TO DIE!" Xos screamed as Edward got closer.
At that moment, with a loud crack, a large branch fell off a tree and hit Xos hard enough to knock him out, so as Ed came near, Xos was laying there, burning to death, and trapped beneath a tree limb, totally knocked out. It was grounds for a victory for Edward, should he choose to take it. Otherwise, Xos had about five minutes to live, before he burned to death, and lost by default.

So what then, was Edward's planned way around this backfire in his plans?

[Edward Judorne]

Edward paused as she looked on at the horror in front of his eyes. He had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but he did have a plan B. Instead of just forcing Xos to burn to death, Edward used Tempest Tantrum at it's strongest level on Xos, which effectively ended the fight a lot quicker than letting the wizard burn. Of course the side effect was that Edward also knocked himself out, but it was a small price to pay to avoid watching someone burn to death.

Edward woke up in the medical center of the Citadel. He was quite happy that the monks had grabbed his armor from the arena, but one question weighed heavily on his mind. Turning to a monk, Edward politely asked "How is Xos?"

[Xos]

"I'm just fine, thank you." Xos replied from the next bed over, behind Edward.

He was sitting on his bed shaking his head, and stroking his beard.
"I always imagined I could keep a cool head and concentrate no matter what. Now I know better. I heard a rumor somewhere that meditation helps with concentration. Perhaps I could take that up." Xos said.
"Perhaps you could. Perhaps you would discover just how greatly you improve with improved concentration. Perhaps you should visit the Monastery of Zen in Akashima and learn more. Perhaps I should just go away now and stop saying perhaps all the time. Perhaps I will." A nearby monk said, bowing as he backed out.

"The monastery of Zen? Sounds, enlightening." Xos said.

[Edward Judorne]

"You know, in truth, you were one of the better opponents I've had to fight in a long while. I honestly don't think I could have lasted too much longer against you. As for a cool head, that is just something you learn to keep with practice. When you are weak, it is easier to keep a cool head than when you are strong. for when you are strong, you rely on your strength, but when you are weak, you have to rely on your opponent messing up. Sorry about rambling on like that. old force of habit. It infuriates foes and makes them lose thier cool, and therefore makes them more likely to mess up." Edward said, and then sighed.

"You know, there is likely a lot we could teach each other, and I've got nothing but time until the next catastrophe hits. If you want, I could train you to keep a cool head, and you could teach me a little magic. sound good?"

[Xos]

"Sounds like a winner, but I'm afraid I have important solo business to attend to before that can happen. See, while I was out, I was informed that the orbit of my home reality, and the orbit of Althans on the Gamma Dimensional Axis, are about to intersect across the Omega Planar Axis, allowing an dimensional Jump. I have to go home, at least for a little while, there's something I need to attend to there."Xos said, he got up, and stretched.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dimensional portal to go catch, and I have to go alone." Xos said. So saying, he walked out, and left.
"He returns, we've foreseen it. He returns more powerful than before. With time, his power will grow to great extremes, accomplishing feats no one else in Althanas can. This is not because his magic is different, it is in the way he thinks, and the place he came from. He takes the other monk's advice after he discovers love for his wife, and visits the Zen Monastery. Wait for a few months, then go travel to the Zen Monastery yourself, you will catch up to both of them. You too could benefit from learning how to reach a state of Zen." Another monk said.

Then he too left.

[Edward Judorne]

Edward didn't understand half of what was said. almost nothing xos said had made much sense at all to him, and only one thing the monk said stuck out in his mind. Turning to the last remaining monk in the room, Edward just chuckled.

"You know, I'd be happy to challenge his thinking anytime, anyplace. If he can ever outwit me, he deserves to have power. now, if you'll excuse me, I think I shall wait for another opponent.

So saying, Edward sat on the waiting bench of the citadel for whoever the next person to walk in might be.

[Lord Anglekos]

Judging for "Lunar Fun".

I apologize that it's taken this long to get to you, and I know both of you must have been awaiting this judgment expectantly, so I'll be quick and to the point with my notes. If you have any questions, please PM me or you can reach me at blackdecadence19 on AIM.
Xos in in lime green.
Edward is in red.
Both is in white.

~Story~


Continuity: <4> <5>

Xos, had I not looked back and read your previous battle with Lars I would have had little idea why you were there in the Citadel in the first place. You briefly mentioned the fight in a sentence or two, but other than that gave me no indication as to why your character was furious enough to go right back into the arena. I also found this strange, as your character did not strike me as the overly violent type when he got angry, but then again I could be mistaken. A lack of a "personality" section in your profile gave me nothing to reference upon, so I had to guess upon the whys. The ending was crap, I had to say. You gave me really no indication as to where he was going, or what his intentions were. Yes, there was some foreshadowing there, but you messed up the entire last sentence your character spoke so much that I could barely understand. This also hurt your clarity score. Remember these: WHERE has your character come from? WHY has she come from there to where he/she is now? WHERE is he/she going? And WHY is she going there? Expanding upon these would have increased your score at least by a couple of points.

Edward, you were a little better, although you did make the same mistakes as Xos from time to time. You gave me a reason for coming to the Citadel, even if it WAS a cliché' reason (I wanna get stronger!), and expanded upon why you wanting to get stronger in the first place. However, the ending was also disappointing, and left me with a strong feeling of "Well? What next?". It did not feel like a conclusion in either of your cases, and neither of you really gave me a specific place or thing you were going to go to or do next.

Setting: <6>

I especially enjoyed the use of the arena, and the originality of it. Not many fights on the moon, nosiree. The use of the wizard's own fireballs to start a forest fire impressed me and the little notables such as Xos picking up the stick gnawed upon by the bunny. At other times, however, you completely forgot about the setting, including the Citadel itself! Remember, your character isn't just in the arena, but in the Citadel too. All in all, I found the score to be about even.

Pacing: <2> <4>

From beginning to end, Xos, your character confused and lost me. I had to re-read and go over several of your posts just to get a sense of where he was going and what he was doing. His personality seemed to change from post to post, and even in the beginning his reasons for entering the Citadel again in the first place were ambiguous at best. Plus, if he were truly angry enough to be blasted to the moon, I doubt that anger would dissipate just upon fighting, which is what it seemed to do. Edward is the only one who gave me any sense that the thread was moving forward to an actual end and goal, and Ed you would have gotten a higher score had you expanded upon your ending.


~Character~


Dialogue: <3> <4>

Edward got the higher score, but in all honesty this section was weak for both of you. I couldn't believe that either of your characters would be able to talk to casually in a situation like that, and got no evidence otherwise. Edward's was a bit more realistic, but even still I couldn't believe that your character would speak that way. I made some notes for examples, so if you would like them contact me.

Action: <4>

Most of my notes for here have already been said or will be said. I couldn't really find anything that stood out to me, but the amount of dialogue in between each attack was distracting and unrealistic. Your fighting was pretty much in character, but outside of the battle and beforehand your actions didn't seem to fit your characters all that well.

Persona: <4> <5.5>

Xos, I couldn't make heads or tails of your character. At first he seemed to be an angry warrior, the next a calm wizard, the next a pyromaniac, the next a student, and so on and so on. You gave me a couple points that really stood out to me, such as his intelligent side, but that came out rarer than it should have.

Edward, you did pretty okay in this. You didn't do excellent, but you didn't do bad either. There were a couple points, yes, where I found myself asking the thread rhetorically just what Edward was doing, but most of the time it seemed pretty in tune and in character with what I've read from him AND his original reason for being there. Just refine it a little and you'll score higher next time.


~Writing Style~
This was definitely the weakest section.


Mechanics: <3> <3.5>

Both of you would have done well with spell check here. I spotted many misplaced commas, things not capitalized or things capitalized when they were supposed to be, run on sentences and others of the like. I advise writing on Word to help improve this score, for both of you.

Technique: <4>

You both started out with literary elements up the yin yang in the beginning, and I noted a couple moments of foreshadowing easily. But by the time the battle truly got underway, I saw almost none. They returned a little at the end of the thread, but by that time I could tell you were just wanting to get it over with. I gave you both the same score because I didn't see any difference in skill here.

Clarity: <2> <5.5>

Xos, you got hit hard here. Your seemingly random interjections made your writing hard to read, and having to reread each post was a pain in the butt, I won't deny. This score ties into your Pacing score as well, but if you have any other questions or need examples contact me.

Whether it was in the light of it being hard to understand Xos's actions or through your own writing, I understood your actions and writing much easier Edward. There was one thing I had to read over, and some stuff I grazed, but all in all it was very easy to understand and comprehend.


~Wild Card~
Xos: 3. I've read your past writings, I know you can do better than this.
Edward: 4. While you scored higher, like with Xos, I know you have more in you. Just work harder.


Xos: 35/100.
Edward: 45.5/100

Edward wins! Congratulations.

Edward gains: 650 exp and 200 Gold pieces.
Xos gains: 150 exp and 50 gold pieces.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and Gp added!

Edward is now level 2!