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View Full Version : Crystal Vs Irene: What's a floor?



Crystal Suncrest
09-11-08, 03:39 PM
Crystal Suncrest had heard rumors surrounding the famed Citadel. She'd heard it was a wondrous arena with many challengers to face, both good, and bad. She'd heard of the many different arenas in the Citadel, from the funny, to the insane, to the dangerous. She had heard of the insanity of some battles, and the easy wins of others. None of these were what brought her to the Citadel this day, though. It was but a single rumor that brought her here. She had heard that the Citadel was fun.

Fun was what Crystal suncrest lived for,She wanted to experience fun in every possible way. As she entered the Citadel, She could tell the monks were trying not to laugh..

"Excuse me, I'm here to fight somebody and to have fun.. Could you hook me up please?" She quickly said to the monks.

"Sure... Fun, you say?How about door 32" One monk said, thinking quickly.

Crystal nodded and went in through the door to disccover the biggest Paradox of them all behind it. It was a room with no floor, or rather, all the walls were and even the ceiling was the floor. Each wall had it's own staircase leading to another wall and it's own gravitational pull, this was true with the floor and ceiling as well, yet at the same time, if she were to fly in the middle of the arena, Crystal would only be able to feel the gravity pull fromone sid. Which side that was depended solely on which side was underneath her feet, so to speak.

"Well this certainly looks like a fun arena." Crystal observed. "Now, where is my fun opponent?"

The Arena is based off of M. C. Escher's 'Relativity' (Having trouble finding a working link at the moment.)

Irene
09-11-08, 09:58 PM
Irene felt disappointment, for the last time she was here, she had lost. The Gods had wanted her to win, to prove they were right in deciding she should be the one they gifted with the powers of summoning, to be the focus of their plans to fight the dark man, and she failed, spectacularly.

But she wouldn't let one silly loss keep her down forever. After paying to upgrade what she wore, and give her summons some armor, she came back, to prove she could do it.

And so with that in mind, she returned to the citadel, to undertake her trial, a second time. She smiled with confidence as she strode into the Citadel, ignoring the remarks of some of the onlookers.
"Ahh, I see you've returned." Said a monk.
"I need to prove to them I'm strong enough to take whatever they through at me. Before I was unprepared, but now I'm confident I can beat anything you through at me."
"Ahh, confidence is a good thing in the proper measure. So, you say you can beat, anything?" The monk asked.
"Anything." Irene confirmed.
The monk nodded, and lead her down the hall with a smile. They arrived a door laying down in the floor, instead of up against the wall.

"I have a question, why is the door in the floor?" Irene asked.
"Perhaps it is not on the floor, perhaps it is you who is on the wall." the monk said, opening the door for her. Irene took a deep breath, and stepped in.
--------------------------------
Irene looked around, and almost got sick from vertigo. As it was she gripped a nearby stairwell in fear, her wings beating hard, before she realized she wasn't falling.

Everywhere she looked it was floor, and it seemed as though she were on the ceiling, yet somehow she was on the floor and what she saw was the ceiling.

Her mind simply could not adjust to the unusual scene before her.
"What dark demonic sorcery is this?" She demanded of the room itself, but it simply sat there in response.

She carefully walked around, hands inches from the railing, wings hovering at the ready in case she should fall. She realised she was firmly on the floor/ceiling/wall/whatever the hell it was she was standing on. She decided she would go with ground, not ground. That seemed to work well enough.

Then she spotted the fairy.
"Is this one of your tricks, or are you a tiny Aibrone monk keeping the room like this. I guess I should rephrase that. Am I going to have to kill you or are you going to set this room into a more reasonable order, and not so chaotic? Understand I don't care if your my opponent or an Aibrone monk, if your next action isn't to make this a normal respectable room I will kill you." Irene shouted, unable to stand the crazy chaos room much longer.

Crystal Suncrest
09-12-08, 08:54 AM
"Sorry, the room was like this when I got here. I honestly should be honestly asking about you, though. What's with the wings and the hair? Well, whatever. If you want to take a shot at me, I'd be happy to fight you, but would you do me a favor and get off the ceiling?" Crystal said, quite happy that her opponent was as interesting as the arena.

After thinking a bit, she laughed at the last part of what she said.

"Actually from your perspective, I'm probably the one on the ceiling." She chuckled.

Crystal landed on the ground and laughed.

"As for Killing me, I think you'll find that harder than it sounds, but if you're set on that Idea, Let's have some fun."

Irene
09-12-08, 11:52 AM
"I'll be kind enough to answer your question before we actually start. My full name is Irene Enykra Sogoth Thiilrilbrael Tenaeldrifter Panonpronon Dragonstein Saaustu, and I'm Human, Elven, Dwarf, Gnome, Halfling, Draconian, demon, Fae, Mermaid, and Orc by ancestory, not by choice. Thus this is my natural look. The wings? They work too." Irene said, flexing her claw like hands.

She leaped into the air and flew towards Crystal on the ceiling. While the lowest point was well over thirty feet away, the closest was only ten from where she stood, and that was where she was aiming, rolling with the switch of gravity, taking one massive swipe at Crystal with both claws as she passed by to land on the remaining ten feet of her journey.

Regardless of whether she hit or missed, she slid to a stop on her belly for another foot, and then she got to her feet and turned back to where Crystal was. She wasn't going to summon grath until it was necessary.

Crystal Suncrest
09-12-08, 05:41 PM
It took Crystal a while to process this information. Her brain nearly burst at just the name, and this woman had a bit of everything in her blood. Crystal's mind as racing to try totake all of it in, but decided to give up after a bit.

The woman launched herself at Crystal, and as soon as she did so, Crystal flew the other way, easily avoiding the swipes like a fly avoiding a flyswatter. Unlike a fly, though, Crystal wasn't about to keep dodging attacks until one finally hit. She was going to do something. Thing was, she didn't even even recognize this as a true fight yet. Right now, she was just doing whatever sounded most fun to her, which at the moment was a game that she had always adored since childhood.

As the woman slid to a stop on her chest, Crystal quickly flew over her, tapped her on the shoulder, and flew the away again.

"Tag, You're it!"

Irene
09-12-08, 07:56 PM
Irene growled, and gave chase after the fairy, running along the ground. But she wasn't prepared for the sudden shift in gravity. She had shifted from one ground to another ground perpendicular to the first ground, and the shift made her reel against the wall and pause as nausea overtook her. She shook it off, and realized she was having fun. She blamed it entirely on the fae blood in her.

She spied a shortcut, when some stairs ran up one door, and down another. So she darted through it, and caught up to crystal.

"Tag! your It!" batting at the fairy with what must've been her massive hands. Then she turned on her heel and darted away giggling like a schoolgirl.

Crystal Suncrest
09-12-08, 08:36 PM
Crystal flew across the room, almost stunned. The woman had managed to hit her with an unexpected swipe, but it was a playful swipe. This seemed too fun, she had found a new playmate.

Crystal almost gigled at the fact that she had taken the woman so seriously when she said she was going to 'Kill' her. It seemed like all this woman really wanted was someone to play with.

Crystal looked around abit, before figuring out the best approach for her next attack. Crystal started to fly at top speed after the wily woman with the colorful hair.

Eventually, Crystal managed to catch up, but it took a bit of doing. She was going at such a high speed that she couldn't slow down in time beforehitting the shoulder of the woman with a flying headbutt. It wasn't meant to be a flying headbut, but it turned out that way. Crystal could tell by how much her head hurt that she had likely tagged the woman harder than she ha meant to, but she hoped the lady would understand that it was an accident.

As she flew away, Crystal held her head.

"Ouch, that hurt.... By the way, you're It again."

Irene
09-12-08, 10:11 PM
And indeed, part of Irene did understand it was an accident, the playful in control fae part.
The other dormant parts however, knew this was first and foremost a battle, and didn't. Part of Irene's playfulness slipped away.

"I almost wish we could have a third person in here." Irene said wistfully.

She turned and chased Crystal, pausing momentarily each time gravity adjusted. The continuing bouts of sickness took away her playfulness almost entirely.

"And you know what, we can. This is the citadel after all, what is it for, if not for a challenge?" Irene said. She stopped, and walked to the center of the room.

She raised her arms and disappeared momentarily.

Lightning came from a door and struck the center of the floor, leaving behind Hromagh's symbol. It began to turn and as it did, lines radiated forth from it, forming other symbols. Then Hromagh's swelled into a massive hump, and burst open, revealing a Minotaur! The Minotaur scowled at the fairy, a look of sheer bloodlust that spoke volumes about the kinds of violence he wanted to do to the fairy. He reached into the hole and picked up his axe and stepped out of the hole. With a flash, the floor returned to normal, and Irene stepped out from behind Grath.

"We're playing Tag, and your it, go tag the fairy Grath." Irene said.
"I'm going to eat you for a mid afternoon snack." Grath growled, as he took off after the fairy, swinging wildly through the air at her wherever he went. The gravity seemed to effect him less, mostly because he was single-minded in his pursuit of the innocent fun loving fairy.

Crystal Suncrest
09-12-08, 11:16 PM
Crystal was almost ecstatic at the thought of another player, but as soon as she saw what the third player was, she knew that the fun time was over. And the axe looked quite menacing as well, but the eyes were the worst of all, they were the eyes that one might see on an enraged axe murderer. Crystal quickly flew at top speed, from wall to wall, floor to wall, Ceiling to wall, wall to ceiling, and wall to floor, Barely staying one step ahead of the axe all the way.

Eventually she saw her chance andflew from the ceiling to the floor, or was it floor to ceiling? It was impossible to tell anymore. Anyway, Crystal was quick to land on Irene's left shoulder when she got down there. this would either give the minotaur pause or trick him into attacking Irene.

"Alright, two things. First off, that big jerk isn't playing by the rules. Secondly, why does he seem so angry?"

Irene
09-12-08, 11:55 PM
"There are no rules, and why am I so angry? Being summoned can be so inconvenient sometimes. Where do you think little Minotaurs come from?" Grath asked, leaving the rest to Crystal's imagination. Then he took a mighty swing at Crystal even as she sat on Irene's shoulders. Irene stood there, unconcerned, as though she knew something crystal didn't.

An idle thought crossed Irene's mind.
I hope she doesn't crawl down the front of my robes.
An aggressive minotaur doing a full body pat down would be a little embarrassing.

Crystal Suncrest
09-13-08, 11:52 AM
While Crystal was intent on getting to the place with the most cover which in this case was Irene's dress, she wasn't about to go down the front of the woman's dress by any means. She saw a different opening, in the back, but, that seemed like a bad idea too. She needed to be in the part with the most open space.

Crystal flew up and around the axe swing of the Minotaur and noted that the axe stopped just before hitting the woman. Quickly, Crystal flew up and over the minotaur, firing a Crystal shot at his right eye as she went. She wasn't about to stick around to find out if it hit, though. From there she flew beneath his legs as he was turning around to hit her. It seemed he was extremely focused on her, but seeing as Crystal now had the time, she landed, Lifted up the Vlince dress, and flew underneath.

Looking around, Crystal saw that after that bit of heavy lifting, she had come to the ultimate safe haven. It seemed weird, but, she actually felt safe and in control of the situation again. The woman was wearing some adventurer's boots that went up to...

Crystal looked up to see how high they went and immediately blushed. This woman was wearing nothing other than her boots under her skirt. This gave Crystal quite a few openings to attack, but she was not quite desperate enough to attack the woman in her privates, instead she attacked the woman in her next weakest spot. Pulling her fork out, she thrust it into th soft spot in the back of the knee, and quickly flew out of the way, knowing full well that the woman would likely collapse on her.

Just want to go on the record as saying that yes, I did get this description of what Irene was wearing underneath her dress from her

Irene
09-13-08, 02:45 PM
Irene whined in pain as the fork entered the back of her knee. She went down on her good knee in pain, reached behind her knee and under her dress, pulling out the fork.

Grath meanwhile was clawing at his newly blind eye trying to get the crystal shards out, and failing miserably. He gave up, and accepted his new temporary blindness, temporary, because he would heal when he was banished back home.

With his good eye he looked around for the fairy to take another swing at her.

Irene meanwhile, had decided to remove Crystal's hiding place under her clothes by sitting down completly and crossing her legs. Her knee throbbed in pain, and so she rubbed it as she sat there., but not before she felt around underneath her robes with her tail to make sure Crystal hadn't been trapped down there. Irene looked at Crystal's fork, well, at least she was down one weapon.

Crystal Suncrest
09-17-08, 08:56 AM
Crystal quickly flew out from underneath the dress as her opponent sat down. Looking over, she understood what her opponent was trying to do. But by keeping her dress inacessable, this Irene person had committed herself to staying completely still in order to do so, and although Irene was holding Crystal's fork now, that wasn't about to last if Crystal had any say in the matter.

Crystal smiled as she stared at the Minotaur, who appeared to be still looking for her. Her desperation shot had hit it's eye, and it now had a reason to hate her. She planned on forcing Irene to drop her fork, but first she was determined to put out the Minotaur's other eye.

Smiling, she fired a Crystal shot at the Minotaur's only good eye from afar, then flew off in the other direction, in case she missed.

Irene
09-20-08, 04:49 PM
Irene watched as crystal fired off another shot at Grath.
What am I doing? I've got to get in there and help!
As the thought crossed her mind she tucked the fork in the top part of her dress under her anatomy which would hold it firmly in place, at least firmly enough for Irene to do some few things to miss.

After Irene got to her face, she realized Crystal had missed. Good, they could work together better that way to catch crystal. Irene decided if she could simply catch crystal that would qualify as victory for her. However, if both Grath and her were blinded, then they would surrender. After all, why kill if it wasn't needed.

Irene let Grath chase Crystal about the arena, while she moved up some stairs and through a couple doorways, pausing momentarily to adjust to the shift each time. She was now on what would be to Grath and crystal, the ceiling.

Like a predator she crouched down, watching crystal like a predator tracking it's prey. The demon blood in her boiled in anticipation of the kill. Finally, after predicting where Crystal and Grath would be in half a minute, Irene launched from the ceiling, flying across the gap, hands out stretched to catch crystal. However, the distance was further than what Irene could fly, and so right as she crossed the threshold of where the gravity would change, her wings gave out, and she began to plummet towards crystal. Grath saw her falling and rushed over to catch her. With his good eye he saw he had succeeded, but his other eye was blinded and so he didn't know if she succeeded in catching crystal or not.

Crystal Suncrest
09-20-08, 07:56 PM
Crystal stared at the floor, or was it the ceiling, she didn't know at this point. She stared at the surface Irene was on. For all she knew, it was a wall. In fact, that was exactly what it was, and what it would stay in her mind, A wall. This room had no floors, no ceilings, those words were just another name for a wall.. while some might argue that whatever surface you are on is the floor, that would make it so that throughout the fight, every surface was a floor at one point or another, and that was impossible. It's like trying to figure out which side of a dice is the bottom. When you roll a 6, the bottom is the 1, when you roll a 3 the bottom is the 4. In truth, there is no bottom to the die, everything is a side of the dice. In the same way, there was no floor to the room. There was just sies of the room. In this case 6 walls totally enclosing the room containing gravity defying staircases, any one of the walls could be a ceiling or floor at any time.


Anyway, after realizing she missed her shot, Crystal looked at her Irene, who was on the opposing wall to her. She felt she needed her fork, and when she saw the woman tuck it away, Crystal frowned and dodged another swing from the minotaur. At least she had one eye taken care of. Crystal turned her attention back to the woman who decided to attempt a jump from her side of the room to the other. As the woman flew, Crystal could tell that there was no way the wings could hold her for long.

Apparently, the Minotaur saw this too, and started an attempt at catching her. Crystal couldn't believe her luck, this was perfectly set up for her. All she had to do was hit the minotaur in it's good eye, and it would be in so much pain, it would miss it's catch. Thing is, the woman named Irene was making a grab for her, but, crystal wasn't too concerned about this. She had seen countless times that the rainbow haired woman had a hard time dealing with the gravity shifts, and so Crystal was sure that this would affect her aim as she zipped across to the minotaur's blind side. As she thought, the woman missed her grab, but her fingers did manage to hit Crystal's leg just enough to knock a shoe off and to give her a bit of pause. After a split second, Crystal was back to her old self again. Firing off a crystal shot from the minotaur's blind side at his good eye again, Crystal quickly grinned and then, just to be sure, fired a second crystal shot off at the same eye and then one at the bad eye.

She was going to make sure the minotaur couldn't fight anymore. after the third sot she turned to Irene.

"Good job. You tagged me, I guess I'm it now." She said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster before flying away, knowing full well that both Irene and the minotaur would be pissed if she did hit the thing enough to force it to drop her.

"I'll give you a head start, then I'll try to tag you" The fairy mocked.

Irene
09-20-08, 08:14 PM
Irene got off Grath, holding her arm in pain where the three Crystal shots had hit her. Her arm had been around Grath's head, and so she mover her arm to protect Grath. Seeing Irene's greenish blue with a slight red tint blood running down her arms thoroughly enraged Grath and made him go berserk. He lunged for Crystal, shouting incoherent profanities at her.

Irene meanwhile cradled her arm while running off after Crystal as well. If she caught her, she was going to give her a good hard squeeze.

Crystal Suncrest
10-03-08, 05:22 PM
Crystal knew that she was in trouble now. but there was something else she had observed. That Irene woman was a pretty tough woman to deal with, but she had a key weakness. She seemed to get disoriented whenever she moved to a new wall, and while Crystal couldn't blame her for this, she also needed to take advantage of it. Then there was the bigger problem, the minotaur. the only thing she knew was that the minotaur was always going to be after her. The minotaur had to be her first target, and Crystal suddenly realized what she had to do to finish this fight once and for all.

As she flew around the room, from wall to wall, Crystal kept an eye on both her opponents. As soon as she saw a time where the Minotaur was far enough away, and Irene was recovering from switching to another wall, She'd fire a few crystal shots at the minotaur's eyes and then continue on her flight until another opening presented itself. At that time she'd shoot another barrage then continue flying. She planned to keep this up until the two caught on to her scheme, or the Minotaur was rendered completely blind, Whichever came first.

Irene
10-05-08, 07:24 PM
Irene was glad of one thing throughout this fight. Crystal had yet to catch on that Irene herself was Grath's weakness. Defeat the summoner, defeat the summons. Even still, the momentary pause as she adjusted to the new gravity was steadily becoming less and less, until as she rounded a turn that took her from floor to wall, she discovered she didn't need a pause at all.

Grath meanwhile, had blocked a crystal shot entirely on accident, when he raised his axe as he was running at the right time. a couple others he happened to turn at the right moment or stumble into a doorway.

But Grath's luck didn't hold out forever. With an earshattering roar of pain, his other eye got put out.

"Grath!" Irene cried, as she ran over to him.
"I'm blinded, and can no longer fight, I've failed you." Grath said in such a forlorn and heartbroken voice that it was hard to not feel sorry for the minotaur.
"It's alright, you'll be okay in a little bit." Irene said, putting a hand on Grath.

She turned to Crystal, and the look in her eyes spoke volumes about the horrible things she'd do to crystal once she caught her. There was no question of if, there was only a question of when.
"Nobody harms my minotaur." she said with a growl somewhat akin to what a demon could do. The more violent species in her blood had taken over, and there would be no reasoning with her.

So saying, Irene took off after crystal, oblivious to the fact it was her fault Grath had been there in the first place, but again, there was no reasoning with her now.

Crystal Suncrest
10-08-08, 12:55 PM
Crystal smiled to herself as she attempted to outrun Irene. She had Disabled the big Minotaur before the fact that it was two on one became too overwhelming for her, but as soon as she realized the woman was gaining on her, she realized that she only had one escape, and only one way to defeat the enraged one, and the fact that she was even thinking of doing what she planned on doing disgusted her to no end. It was either her or the woman, though, and that meant she had to get desperate.

As the woman began to close in, Crystal made her move. She quickly pulled a u-turn and made a dive straight down and underneath the woman's dress. She didn't plan on staying there long. Just long enough to deliver a decisive blow. As soon as she got underneath, Crystal started shooting Crystal shot after crystal shot at Irene's unprotected private areas. and she continued to do this as she turned left and attemted to fly out, but though she did fly out, it was for the wrong reasons.

She had forgotten that because she flew so fast, Irene still hadn't come to a complete stop, and that meant that as she tried to exit to the left, Irene's leg kicked her out as she took her next step. Quickly Crystal got to her feet and started to fly on her own again, only to quicly fall to the ground, as she realized she had a broken wing. Now being completely at the woman's mercy, Crystal knew one thing. her only hope of evening the odds was to fire at the woman's eyes. If that didn't work, she would likely become a splatter on the floor, or ceiling, or wall.... whatever the surface was that she was standing on... very soon.

Sorry if I powerplayed or got carried away with my typing. if you have any problems with this post, PM me and I'll fix them.

Irene
10-19-08, 09:04 AM
As Irene landed, the fairy had the nerve to fly up her dress. Indignant, Irene started to try and squish the little woman between her legs, that's when the pain erupted right from a very sensitive area, and brought her crashing down, in tears. Her leg twitching, she had kicked Crystal out of her dress. She tried to stand, but the pain made it slow going.

"Grath! Charge towards my voice!" Irene yelled. As it happened, the way Irene landed, Crystal was between Irene, and Grath. The Minotaur picked up his axe and started running towards where he heard Irene's voice. There was a very high chance that Grath would crush crystal beneath his rampaging feet.

Meanwhile, Irene decided that if Grath's big heavy feet missed, then she was going to go over and grab crystal personally, and force her to admit defeat, or squeeze her to death.

Crystal Suncrest
10-27-08, 09:44 AM
With the Minotaur back in the fight, Crystal was pretty sure that she no longer stood a chance, but upon looking towards the Irene, who was in extreme pain, Crystal doubted that the woman would stop attacking even if she raised the white flag, so, instead of calling it quits, Crystal ran underneath the Minotaur's legs and kept running. She needed a new plan, and it didn't take her long to come up with one.

As she ran underneath the giant Minotaur, she shot a few crystal shots straight up at his privates. Sure, they had to go through a bit of fabric first, but she was pretty sure it would still hurt like a bitch. Afterwards, she turned to Irene, and fired a few crystal shots at each of her eyes before she continued to run.

Irene
03-09-09, 04:06 AM
Grath, Dismissed!" Irene said, realizing what Crystal was going to do. Before the shots touched him, he dissipated into energy. Then the crystal shots blinded Irene, and her bloodcurdling screams echoed into the hallway.
"I am Blinded, I surrender." Irene called out, hoping a monk heard her.
Several did, but only because they came running to see if her screams were death screams.

They caused the Arena to fade into darkness, signifying the end of the match.

One monk would go for Crystal, to take her to one healing room, while the other took Irene to another.

Irene's vision was restored to normal. She thanked the monk politely, and promptly left the citadel, without waiting to see if her opponent was ok. She just wanted to get out of there, and get away, feeling like she belonged somewhere else.

Crystal Suncrest
03-09-09, 05:01 AM
Crystal could barely believe her ears. The woman gave up. Crystal continued to shake in fear as she remembered exactly what lengths she had to go through to win the battle. 'Were those moves even Legal?' She wondered as the monks took her to a bed to rest.


By all rights, the bed was way too big for her, but at least she had a place to lay her head while they repaired her wings. Turns out, the arena she had fought in had disoriented her more than she was willing to admit, because they had to repair her wings two more times after that as she tried to land on the ceiling and on the wall.


The next morning, she woke up and looked for the woman with the wild hair to no avail. As Crystal left the citadel, she promised herself that if she ever met up with Irene again, she would apologize for fighting so dirty.

Lord Anglekos
03-24-09, 04:17 PM
Crystal Vs. Irene: What's a floor?
My notes will be short and sweet for this, as this thread has been sitting for some time now. Again, if you have any comments, questions or complaints, you can reach me via private message or on AIM as blackdecadence19.

Crystal's scores are in blue.
Irene's, yours are in red.
Any combined scores or notes are in white.

STORY

Continuity: 3, 2
You both gave me very little in this section. Crystal was a bit original with wanting to go there for some fun instead of the cliche'd "I need to get stronger!", but neither of you really gave me the whys, wheres, whens and hows that I was looking for. The ending was also very disappointing.

Setting: 4.
You started off with a great idea and didn't go anywhere with it. There were plent of things you could have done with the arena itself, and not a single one of them happened. Also, the lack of description of the settings made me imagine a big, white space you two were fighting in, which I don't think was the case.

Pacing: 3
Both of you started and ended the action way too soon. It was full of BAM BAM BAM and then before I knew it, the fight was over. No real conclusion on either of your parts.

CHARACTER

Dialogue: 3, 4
It could have been better, but the grammartical mistakes and the way the sentences were put together and phrased made it both hard to read and enjoy. Irene did a little better in this category, but still nothing noteworthy.

Action: 4.5, 4.
I liked Crystal's use of her larger opponent as cover, but at the same time it seemed sort of out of character for her. There were several spots where your character's actions didn't seem to fit IC'ly, but that may have been due to their inherently chaotic natures. In any case, it was confusing at points and could have been done better with more time and effort.

Persona: 3, 5
While I could understand Irene's chaotic streaks, as it's part of her character, you, Crystal, left me with quite a few "Hunh?" moments. I know she's "happy go lucky", but not suicidally so; or if she is, it should be more evident. In either case Irene's character showed more personality, although you too should work upon her.

WRITING STYLE
Ouch is all I have to say here. Spelling and grammar, you two! Double check your writing! Well, here are the scores, and hope you remember for next time.

Mechanics: 3.
Technique: 4.
Clarity: 3.

WILD CARD: 3.

Crystal's score: 33.5
Irene's score: 35.

Irene is the winner! Congratulations!

Crystal gains 75 EXP and 50 GP.
Irene gains 430 EXP and 150 GP.

Taskmienster
03-24-09, 05:52 PM
EXP and GP added!