Arrogance and Fighting

[MaxBlade]

All right I have done this post before in a previous thread (Unresolved), so I thought I would start it again, with someone that will not drop. Does not matter the level. Just as long as you are adept at writing.

You received a letter not hours earlier asking you to report to the towns colesium. That was all the letter said there was no signature, no name...nothing. The courier had told you that the sender requested your presence immediatly so with nothing better to do that day you decided to accept the invitation.

It was noon when you finally arrived, and there was a huge crowd inside and already seated. They were shouting and screaming, applauding and cheering. It was high noon, but it wasnt hot. It was actually quite cool outside this day. Perfect for a fight. A guard spots you as you approach the entrance of the coloseum and ushers you to the prep pit. A few minutes later the same guard signals for you to walk forward, and then the giant wooden doors before you parted and let in an ocean of light and sound. The gathering of fans had been loud before, but now it was almost deafening. Then you hear the augmented voice of the stadium announcer.

"TODAY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU! TWO WARRIORS HAVE COME TO DO BATTLE TODAY, AND THERE ARE CHALLENGERS!

The people continued their deafening roar of cheer and applause as you make your way to the center of the stadium and begin to rumble their feet against the stone. They knew what was coming next.

"NOW I PRESENT TO YOU, THE CONTESTANTS!!!!!"

If the roars before had been deafening then, now it was just plain deadly! Opposite your current position the gates slam open with enough force to knock them off their hinges. A gust of wind blew through wrapping around you turning into figures and almost taunting you. Then you notice a figure making his way to the arena, slowly striding towards you. He's wearing a long white robe with a matching white hat with a feather sticking from the top. He sports brown hair leveled off just above the eyes. He didn't seem to have any scars or weapons, but he did have a wierd smile as if he knew something you didn't.

He turns his back to you and raises his arms up to the hysterical crowd. He makes a low sweeping bow, and then pivoted on his heels to turn back towards you. With a smile on his face he marches up, and raised his right hand. Fareron then begins to speak to you, the crowd taking his offering of his right arm as their que to be silent so that they could hear the conversation.

"Names Fareron. Tell me what the people can call you should they find a reason to chant your name."

He didn't know how good this match would be, but he knew he would have fun. This Aeromancer always found a away to have fun.

[Torin Reahkari]

'The king and his men
stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her Bones.
The seas be ours
and by the powers
where we will well roam.

The bell has been raised
from it's watery grave...
Do you hear it's sepulchral tone?
We are a call to all,
pay head the squall
and turn your sail toward home!

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.'

Torin finished the melody, staring off into the sky. How he missed Etheria, being on his ship. But now he was in Corone... Radansath to be exact. The Citadel. He was here to battle, and to win.

'It has been a while since we've seen you here, master Reahkari.' a man in robes uttered from under his hood.

'It's been a while since I've felt the need to fight.' Torin replied stoutly, adjusting the newly recrafted Tanzalis. He could hear the crowds cheers already.

'Feels more right now than it ever did.' Torin thought with a smirk on his face, striding into the coliseum. It was true when he said he hadn't felt the need to fight. After all that had happened with the Armada, with the Rangir..with Borna. It seems like forever ago.

But bloodlust was bloodlust, and who was he to deny himself that? He strode out to the middle of the grounds, approaching a man in a long white robe and hat. As Torin approached, he got a clearer view of the being, realizing it was boy. Another smirk crossed his face as he noted the boy didn't have any visible weapons.

'Probably a mage. Should be easy...well, easier to deflect magic now with this mythril upgrade.' the rogue thought, flexing his hand over the handle of his blade again.

His attention returned to the boy as he spun, raising his hands to the crowd and bowing low.

'You know they're just here to see us beat the hell out of each other, right? They don't care who we are.' Torin called out, shaking his hair out of his eyes. The boy turned back towards him

'Name's Fareron. Tell me what the people can call you should they find a reason to chant your name.'

'Torin Reahkari, leader of the Black Sails Armada and the Alerian Resistance. Brother in arms to Matthias Vinkuzri, Damon Kaosi. These people have found reason to know who I am, not to chant my name. I'm okay with that. But you, boy...You need to fight to earn your name here.' the Dark Rogue sighed, pulling Tanzalis from his back and holding it with two hands in front of him.

'I'll even give you a chance. First strike is yours.'

[MaxBlade]

I have a pet peeve of repeating what someone said in a previous post , in my post, so just wanted to let you know I did read your post.

“First strike?” Was this guy serious? Fareron’s face registered a look of bewilderment. Either this guy was stupid, or he had never fought an aeromancer before. It was fine with Fareron though, this man, seemed to be the melee type anyway. “Okay, even though I feel it very demeaning of you to ask me to hit first. I will oblige your request.”

Fareron ran a few yards back and started to concentrate. His eyes closed and he quickly brought his hands together. He could feel the air particles around him starting to shift, moving faster and faster. He started to slowly move his hand apart, opening his eyes. Where a first his eyes were brownish red like patches of dried blood, they were now golden yellow. This happened anytime Fareron activated the magic inside of him. Wind manipulation was, (in Fareron’s oppinion) one of the greatest abillities one could have. Why? Because Wind was everywhere.

The particles of air were forming an object as they started to bind together. You could see the particles start to turn white as they moved with energy around Fareron’s hand.

It was a circular saw blade made entirely of white, razor sharp air. Its circumference lined with small curved blades, and its center was virtually hollow, except for a cross shaped part that allowed Fareron to grab it. Fareron couldn’t wield the weapon good yet, but he could throw it. One hit from this weapon and you probably wouldn’t want to get up for a while. He smiled as he looked at the man across from him.

“You ready?” He slid his left foot back kicking up a small puff of dirt, holding the saw blade in his right hand. He crossed it in front of his chest and smiled. “Here we go,” and he flung the disk straight at the man, it flew straight and true.

He then did not wait for the disk to hit, he ran towards the man screaming, gathering his energy for a sideways jumping kick.

The audience was back up on their feet jumping and shouting, for whoever they wanted to win. Fareron knew he would earn his name here on this day.

[Torin Reahkari]

A smirk crossed Torin's face, holding his sword diagonally. The boy in front of him ran a bit away from the Dark Rogue.

'What's he planning?' the boy thought to himself, watching the mage in front of him. The robed man in front of him closed his eyes, putting his hands together and pulling in some kind of energy. When he opened them again, they were glowing. His hands began to come apart, the energy manifesting itself into something.

'This is ridiculous. I shouldn't have offered him the first hit. I didn't think it'd take half an hour just for him to attack.' Torin thought, adjusting his stance. Then suddenly he realized what was forming in the mage's hands. A blade..It looked like a glaive to Torin, but it was more rounded. Some sort of blade..

'Air Mage? Really? I hope that little blade is sharp.' Torin called out, a grin crossing his face. He missed the rush of battle.

"You ready?" the mage called back to him, adjusting his stance.

'I was ready ten minutes ago when you started your magic.' Torin replied stoutly, gripping Tanzalis close. Finally, the cloaked boy released his blade, throwing it straight at Torin.

'There we go...' the Time Mage thought, running straight at the weapon flying towards him. It quickly hit Tanzalis, the blade biting hard into the Mythril, still spinning.

'Shit..So much for pushing right through it.' Torin mused, putting all his strength behind his sword. Still, nothing he could do.

'Only one way out..' he muttered under his breath, letting his arms go limp and spinning off to the right.

'Fuck!' Torin exclaimed, realizing he hadn't spun fast enough. the blade caught his right arm, digging deep into his bicep.

'Great, this is already not going my way..' Torin thought, pulling the blade out and dropping it to the ground. The blood was already running freely, spiraling down his jacket to his hand. Torin shook his head, but when he turned he saw the mage leaping at him.

'You may have caught me once, but not twice. Melee is my game.' Torin laughed, switching Tanzalis gingerly to his right hand. Pain shot all through his body, his mind screaming for him to drop the sword. As the boys leg got closer to Torin, he reached out and grabbed it, hurling the mage towards the walls of the coliseum. He quickly chased after the Air Mage, tossing Tanzalis back into his left hand and threw a backhand swing of it at the boy, laughing as he did so.

It was a good day to fight.

[MaxBlade]

This seems so stupid.

“I have you!” Fareron shouted at the man as he came close to hitting him. He felt victory in the air.

'You may have caught me once, but not twice. Melee is my game.' The man shouted back, and surprised Fareron as he caught his foot, flinging him towards one side of the arena. “No, no, no, no!” Fareron shouted as he flew towards the wall, his fingers frantically moving trying to come up with a spell that would cushion his hit.

He looked up to see how close to the wall he was, but it didn’t matter, because the next thing he knew he was flying another direction. The man had chased after him and hit him with the flat of his sword, and it left a stinging burn in Fareron’s side. The thought rag puppy came to Fareron’s mind, and he was going to smile, but the ground came a lot faster then he expected.

Crack…

Lights…

Fareron’s body slammed into the ground. His eyes were dotted with tiny flashes of lights. He had a throbbing head and ribs, but he didn’t waste time lying around. The Air Mage jumped up and for a second he teetered around, trying to catch his balance, then he was ready. “Возврат” he bellowed calling back his wind disk.

The shimmering whiteness winged its way to him, and stopped right in front of the Aeromancer. He grabbed the disk by it’s cross hilt and looked across the battlefield. He could see the man laughing at him. So he thinks it is funny?

Fareron made the disk dematerialized; knowing the man probably wouldn’t fall for the same attack twice. He also decided the only way he was going to beat him was meeting him head on, with melee. He held out his left hand and spoke the command “Лезвие ветра.” There in his hand materialized a blade, made of solid shimmering air. It was about three feet in length, and 6 inches wide in the blade. It hit like any other iron sword, but the only way to destroy it was through submersion in water, or a vacuum, and it didn’t look like they had a chance of rain today.

The Air Genasi took off running down the field, smiling as he went. His arms hanging behind him, the look of battle in his golden eyes.

It was a great day to fight.

[Torin Reahkari]

As Tanzalis collided with the boys side, a feeling of content filled Torin. The mage flew far, landing a ways away from him and slapping the sandy ground hard. Torin spun back towards Faeron, the sun glinting off the edge of his sword blinding Torin slightly. He heard the mage call out something, but couldn't see what was happening.

'He sure can take a hit..' Serigae mumbled.

'Yeah, but this isn't the first enemy I've fought that wouldn't go down easily.' Torin replied, his mind wandering back to the first battle he had with the Rangir Army, and their general, Serilisk. This one thought let a slew of memories fall before him. Adventures with Damon Kaosi, Seth Dahlios, and many others, the Adventurer's Crown with Luc Kraus...And the terrible mistake he made in the Lornius Corporate Challenge with Zerith. So many memories. Soon he would discover more Time magic and find out how to go back and see all that he had ever done.

Stop walking down memory lane, Torin. We have a fight to win here.' Serigae called, snapping Torin to attention. With a sigh, he let Tanzalis slip a bit in his hand, lowering it so the bright sun would no longer blind him.

'Of course.' the Pirate Prince grumbled, watching a blade made of air materialize in the mage's hands.

'I'm getting really tired of this!' Torin shouted. He began to jog lightly towards the boy, picking up speed holding Tanzalis off to his right side with both hands. With a throbbing reminder, Torin remembered his right arm was still injured and bleeding. He focused his sights on the boy in front of him, and noticed how he was running towards him with his own sword.

'I hope that thing is strong!' Torin cried, coming within a few feet of the boy and leaping, swinging Tanzalis with all his might.

[MaxBlade]

How dramatic can I get? Well you'll see. Listen to this song while you're reading. Terms (http://searchbeta.playlist.com/tracks#Harry%20Gregson%20Williams%20Terms)


“Strong…if only he knew” Fareron leaped right along with Torin, as they met in the center of the field, Fareron’s sword, a shimmering spectacle in the high sun, as the two weapons met there was no sound…from anyone or anything, the whole arena had went silent. Time seemed to freeze, as he stared into the eyes of the man right in front of him. He could see pain and stress.

Torin probably saw the same thing in Fareron’s eyes, along with a sweat glistening forehead. It was times like these he loved. These moments in the heat of battle, when nothing mattered but everything mattered.

Fareron was not the stronger of the two, and he felt himself go flying backwards, as Torin pushed harder than he. He flung his foot out towards Torin, hoping to clip him in the chin at least, he didn’t know if he hit or not. He smiled; the wind mage knew it was probably over, for the first blow had taken enough out of him. Not to mention he was moving to fast to try and change his position as his body tumbled through mid-air, he was falling face first toward the grounds he would be knocked out for sure.

The dirt packed ground came closer and closer to Fareron’s dismay. This wouldn’t be his first time getting knocked out of course, and it definitely wouldn’t be his last. As a final attempt he stuck out his right hand to try and brace himself, his left hand holding the sword. He collided into the ground with a sickening crunch. His screamed choked by the dirt that flew into his mouth. His face had a long cut across the cheek, made by a protruding rock in the field, his lip busted by the collision with the ground.

His brain sent signals to his body to shut down! His vision went black once, came back on, twice, and came back on. He wasn’t worried about it at first but now he knew he had to stay conscious! He didn’t know this man. He didn’t know if he was the type to kill people when they were hurt and he didn’t want to find out. Fareron was spitting dirt everywhere, as he rolled onto his back. He could see Torin in the distance, just a blur in his vision.

Fareron no longer had his sword in his left hand. He had dropped his sword! That meant it was gone. He had to stay in contact with the weapon for the spell to stay in play.

Fareron felt in ant crawl up his leg, and he chortled, coughing up dirt as he did. This poor specimen oblivious to what was happening around him, just trying to find his way home or some food. Fareron had to laugh at the irony of the situation. The audience was back on their feet shouting, screaming, roaring. He felt a disdain towards them. I just had to be the big man! Had to go melee! He lay their looking into the sky his vision swimming, his right hand laying uselessly beside him, broken.

[Taskmienster]

Story (out of 10) 2

A coliseum? With a bunch of people? The setting was completely unoriginal, and ignored for the most part.

Character (out of 10) 1

Repeating dialogue isn’t just a pet-peeve of mine, it’s completely informal writing. As a reader, not even as a judge, I just saw what someone said, you don’t have to repeat it again. Also, when you write dialogue, don’t put an apostrophe, put actual quotation’s.

Mechanics (out of 10) 2

Max: You switched from almost all second person, which is like a “Choose your own adventure” book, to third person. First, second person is a big no-no in real writing. Second, you shouldn’t chance tense. Both of you had A LOT of small errors that could have been fixed by just reading over the thread.

Due to this being incomplete, I’m going to leave it at this. If you would like a more in-depth commentary just PM me and I will help as best I can.

Score for both of you: 5/30
Spoils:

None.