The Young Bardess

[LadyAeldra]

Hi everyone. This is my first RP thread here at Althanas. Anyone is welcome to join after this first post. NPCs are also welcome.

It was a tavern, much like any of the hundreds of taverns she'd visited before, with its variety of sounds and smells. Dispite her youth, she'd spent much of her life in similar places, or out on the road travelling with the group of players who had been her family for nigh on twelve years.

Of course, she had left them months ago to begin her own adventure, but nary a day passed when she didn't think about them. Corin, the only boy in the troupe who had been around her age, had nevertheless assumed the role of her big brother. She had hardly ever gone anywhere without him at her side, protecting her. And oh, how she missed him. She had almost asked him to come with her, but had stopped herself. What would he have done out on his own anyway? It was fine enough for her; she was a bardess. But a lone actor? An actor without a troupe was like... Well, there simply was no comparison.

There were several approaches she could take here, being that she had never been in this town before, in order to get the most money possible for her work. After studying the scene and weighing her options, she thought the best course for her to take would be the one she liked to call "Poor little angel". She would walk timidly up to the counter, ask for some food, and then when the barmaid asked for payment, she would say that she had no money she could give. She disliked lying, but she reasoned that since what little money she had was set aside for more important things, a simple deception such as this was acceptible. Of course, the barmaid would then tell her that she couldn't expect to get something for nothing, and that surely there was something that she could do to repay her debt. At which time, Aeldra would timidly say, "Well, I can sing a little."

After that, it would go one of two ways. Either the barmaid would refuse, and the worst that would happen was she would have to wash a few dishes, which she saw no problem with. Or else, someone would overhear them, and ask that she sing. "After all," they usually said, "how bad could it be?" In which case, she'd pull a lulabye or a random song from her memory, and begin to sing, quietly and shakily at first - for their benefit - and then gradually stronger and prouder, until she was suddenly the best singer they'd ever heard, or at least for a long while. Sometimes she was even hired outright after a stunt like this, which meant she could stay in town for as long as she liked, but that was rare. If everything worked as planned, she'd have both the pity and the admiration of nearly everyone in the tavern, which translated to a hefty sack of gold, and maybe a few favors for this "poor little angel".

After all, it was for a good cause. Her cause. One day she'd settle down in a nice little town like this one. But not until she found her family, or at the very least, some clue to her mysterious past and her dark dreams.

However, as often as her plans worked out, as predictable as people were, things would not happen the same way this time.

She made a show of timidity, looking around her and fidgeting before walking a few steps at a time towards the bar, eyes down, not meeting the barmaid's gaze. Settling down into a barstool, she asked shakily, "C-can I have some stew please?"

[Death The Kid]

The door to the tavern burst open, an in stepped a young boy carrying a large scythe and a bulked up backpack. Once again, he had been travelling for quite a few hours, going from town to town, looking for any disturbance. Although young he had already killed plenty of people but you would never guess it just by looking at him.

After stumbling through the door, Kid's eyes scanned the room, he had drawing the attention on himself, as always, but he never meant it. carrying a scythe, a long sword and a majority of different clothes and then walking for a couple of hours after fleeing town wasn’t the easiest thing to do...He was tired and didn’t care where he slept but he needed food and preferred to stay indoors.

Smiling his innocent smile Kid walked over to the bar and sat down. He looked out of place, he had a smart suit on but a huge backpack like some sort of traveller, and even then he carried a custom made scythe with him. "Is there any food in this place?" Kid asked insensitively, if anyone else were to say it, you would consider them being rude but somehow Kid could pull it off.

Kid was sat on the bar stool, his big bag beside and the scythe on the floor, he had his head on the counter and was looking up at the barmaid waiting for a response.

"The stew is ready, and how will the young master be paying?" The barmaid asked, little did she know that it annoyed Kid, Because of his family He was always called master, he was sick of it.

"This 'Kid' has money!" Stressing the word Kid as he placed two gold coins on the counter from some hidden pocked in his vest.

The barmaid took the coins with great haste and walked over to a boiling pot, scooping out two helpings into individual bowls. She brought them over and placed one in front of him and one in front of the girl he hadn’t even noticed to his right...He was too tired to argue besides, he didn’t mind helping others out. He gave her a smile and quickly shifted his gaze to the bowl, He recognised her, but he couldn’t remember from where, it’s not good.

'I’m a murderer, if she is from any of the towns I killed people in, my time is up, I will be caught for sure, I have to leave but I can’t right now it would be too suspicious.'

[LadyAeldra]

Aeldra gazed at the bowl of stew in front of her dumbly, blinking in surprise. No one had ever paid for her food before. Since her time spent on the road with her "family", she had worked hard for every scrap. Singing, it was true, was not a very physical type of work, but if one performed properly, it was just as emotionally draining. And since it was her best, and nearly only skill, she preferred using it to spending gold pieces, which were limited, and had themselves more value than gold to her.

On the one hand, she was a bit annoyed that her tactics had not worked. Perhaps it was simply happenstance but, then again, perhaps she was getting too old to play innocent. She'd just have to get over it, and move on.

And on the other hand, this young man sitting next to her... He had been kind, a thing not too familiar to her. If he had been older than she, she might have guessed that there were implied intentions in his gesture. But no, he was a boy, younger than herself by at least three years. Since she was almost constantly on the move, nearly everyone she had met had considered her a stranger, and thus did not trouble themselves with her. What could she do to repay this boy, whom she did not know? Yet... there was something familiar about him...

She gave him as polite a smile as she could, but he had already turned his attentions back to his bowl of stew. She gave him time to take a few bites, and did so herself, before addressing him. "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you. That is, I want to thank you for paying for my stew. It... well, it ocurred to me that we might have met before, though for the life of me, I can't place you. You see, I've traveled to many different lands and..." She stopped herself mid-sentance, scolding herself for this outburst. Once she had started, she often couldn't stop herself from rambling. It was an odd nervous habit of hers. When she was singing, it was different; she knew all the words. But speaking, she had to stop herself short of spilling her entire life's story.

"I'm Aeldra," she said finally, giving a somewhat impish grin. Then she shifted her gaze back to her stew and stated gulping it down, her appetite suddenly voracious. Because of that, and because she was trying hard to conceal the fact that she was blushing.

[Death The Kid]

Kid had looked up at the girl and smiled again, the fact that she travelled lightened the burden on Kid's heart, and it was possible they had just passed each other some time, but he didn't think so.

"It is good to meet you Aeldra. My name is Alexander but please call me Kid!" He responded his kind and honest gaze cross examining her face. 'I know I have seen her, but where?' He thought to himself, turning his face and then eyes away from hers, concentrating back at the food.

There was a moment of silence, it was obvious the girl was trying to stop herself from talking but Kid was kind and it could be helpful to him to find out what she did and where she had travelled, it would give him some idea of how to respond.

"Why is it that you travel?" He asked politely, glancing up at her with his bright green eyes as he asked, before looking back down continuing to eat.

[LadyAeldra]

Why was it that she travelled? It was a simple enough question, and yet she didn't herself know the entire answer. How much should she tell him?

She gazed over at Kid, still trying to place him. She knew little about him, only that she had seen him somewhere before. The fact that she recognized him must mean something. After all, how many thousands of faces had she seen, only in the last year, and how many of them could she recall? Maybe, just maybe, he would know something. Besides, he seemed like a kind person, and she felt that she owed it to him after he had bought her a meal. I suppose I can trust him, she concluded.

Finishing the last few bites of her stew, she balanced the spoon neatly on top of the empty bowl, another odd custom of hers, and leaned back a bit in her stool. "I'm a bardess. I have been most of my life." Her eyes seemed to lock onto something beyond the walls of the tavern as she drifted away into memory.

The sounds of a huge fire that threatened to engulf the entire wood. But she had no time to worry about the wood, for the deranged wolf snapping at her heels. She could smell its hot and sickening breath, so she pushed herself to run harder, her short child legs burning with exertion. Her own breath came in shallow gasps and she felt as if she would collapse at any moment from the pain, but still she ran.

She shook her head, willing herself out of the nightmarish memory. Here. Now. That's all that matters. With one swift movement, she wiped the tears out of her eyes in a way that would seem as if she was only brushing back her bangs. After a deep, somewhat shaky breath she continued. "I was once a member of a players' troupe, though I never actually participated in a play. I left the group nearly a month ago, and I've been wandering from town to town ever since."

On a whim, she reached a hand down to her travelling bag and tried to feel for her mother's necklace, the only thing she had left of her parents. When she felt its shape, she was comforted by it. It was as if it was a part of her mother, a part that whispered in her ear that it was over now, that everything was going to be alright. Taking a second deep breath, a much steadier one this time, she withdrew her hand from the bag and clasped it together with it's partner on the bar.

"I have the strong feeling that I'm supposed to be looking for something, or someone. There are parts of my life that I do not remember, and I suppose it is that mystery that drives me forward."

[Death The Kid]

“So that’s it!” Kid burst out, suddenly with a slightly raised voice, although he was extremely relieved, taking a deep breath and exhaling, he was also trying to change the mood. Looking at the girl he smiled once more and began to elaborate. “My father once got some people to put on a show for just me, it’s partly the thing that made me want to travel... My second name is Rosen, My family has made a great wealth from farming, but that’s all behind me now.” Kid said slightly excitedly, but weakly towards the end.

He only had fond memories of home, nothing ever went wrong, it was so dull but he liked the peace. Then one day he just gave it all up, the servants, the wealth his family. “I wonder if I made the right choice...” Kid mumbled to himself, staring at his empty bowl as if it had wronged him, although kind, Kid had a dark side, a side he didn’t want anyone to see of him.

“If I remember correctly, I was rather annoyed I didn’t get to see you perform, you were the only one I saw that was even close to my age...” Kid thought to himself for a moment, making sure he had gotten thoughts correct. “...I know I shouldn’t have but I went in while things were being set up, and I overheard you... maybe I’m just tone deaf but I thought those few lines were better than the whole show...” although the last part could be taken as an insult, His voice made it clear that it wasn’t.

That was the first thing he had ever really seen out of his ordinary routine, though he enjoyed it, he didn’t understand most of it, so off to the library he went, becoming fully engrossed in the fantastic world outside.

Blushing slightly from what he had said before, Kid changed the subject “I... I travel for the opposite reason, instead of trying to remember, I’m trying to forget, I want to make new experiences rather than dwell on the old ones...” Kid dint know exactly where he was going with this, for some reason he didn’t feel like saying ‘...and I need to murder people so others can live their lives better.’ So instead he faltered into silence and felt a bit embarrassed, but not quite as much as he did before... he was at a strange point in his life, going through certain....stages, and ere he was talking to an attractive girl, even if she was slightly older.

[LadyAeldra]

Aeldra herself blushed at Kid's complement, but said nothing of it, not knowing quite what to say. Instead she went back to his revelation. "Yes, that's it, you're the Rosen boy! I knew you looked familiar. That must have been, oh, at least two years ago."

Aeldra remembered it well. A splendid home, with a lovely hall large enough for a group of ten to perform a play. She remembered being envious, not of the wealth of the family nor the size of their home, but of how close they seemed. The thought made her long for a normal life, though she knew it could never be like it was before the fire. So to cheer herself up, she had started to sing.

She even remembered the song she had been singing. It was a simple lulabye that her mother used to sing to her, and it comforted her when she was feeling lonely. She only remembered a few lines of the words, but she still remembered the tune.

As the old oaks watch over the forest,
As the stars watch the earth late at night,
As the bird watches over her hatchlings,
So I too shall watch over you tonight.

She hadn't seen him spying on her, but she had stayed that particular time to watch the play. Normally, she would have gone with Corin to another part of town to sing, but she had made a point of never missing her favorite play, so when she had peeked out from behind the curtain, she had seen him sitting with his parents in the hall.

She stopped herself short of asking why he was here now. Obviously he had run away, or else something terrible had happened. In either case, he had made it clear that it was something he didn't want to discuss, and she wasn't about to press him. She would have loved to catch up with him, but there were other things on her mind.

But even though he was younger than she, he might still know something about what had happened to her real family. The chance was slim, and there wasn't much to go on, but it was a chance nonetheless.

"So, Mr. Kid," she said playfully, though not mockingly, "if I tell you a secret, will you swear not to tell anyone?"

[Death The Kid]

Kid gave her a cheeky grin “On one condition! Don’t ever give me a title!” he said quite proudly, It was one thing he couldn’t stand, He had always been given titles and addressed properly, ‘Kid’ was so alien to him, it sounded cool, and even in these parts, his family name was still known.

Although interested in what she had to say, Kid couldn’t help but think of what she said, There with his family, that was true... it was one of the only times it was true. He had gotten everything he wanted as long as it could be bought, there was no one around his age he could talk too, his parents were always busy making sure everything was going on time. It was probably one of the only times he had been in the same room as his father for any length of time. Although at the time he was happy as anyone could be... when he looks back and compares it with other times, it just upsets him.

His look hat turned glazed as he thought about the past, and his head had shifted down, but he wasn’t one to place a burden on others, it was his to deal with, he had grown up dealing with things on his own, things weren’t exactly going to change. He placed his hands on his face and after a few short moments, slid them off clasping them together. With his once again happy smiling face he asked, “So what’s the secret?” no matter how mature he could act, he was still just a child and knowing something others don’t gives a feeling of superiority.

[LadyAeldra]

Just then Aeldra saw the barmaid coming their direction with a mug of ale intended for a man several stools away from them. She turned and spoke quickly to Kid. "Not here. I'll rent a room and we can talk there, alright?" Before giving him time to answer, though, she hailed the barmaid. She hadn't intended on staying the night here, but it was the only way to be sure of having privacy.

"Excuse me, miss, but how much is a room for the night?"

"That'll be three pieces for ye, young miss."

Fishing the coins out of her pouch, she hastily handed them to the barmaid, who pocketed them and produced a key. "Up the stairs, second door on the left."

"Thank you." Without looking back at Kid, Aeldra headed up the stairs to the room. I hope that I'm doing the right thing here, she thought. I can't let just anyone know about my powers, but it might be the only way.

As soon as she reached the right room, she unlocked it and went inside. Taking deep breaths and trying to clear her mind, she took her mother's woven silver necklace out of her bag and placed it gently around her neck, as if afraid it might break. She probably would not need it, but she might. Besides, Kid might have seen its like somewhere, and it might help to jog his memory.

She sat down at a cheap wooden desk, not wanting to stand, but not wanting to sit on the bed either. That would give the wrong impression and would likely frighten Kid off. If she hadn't already. If he knew anything at all, she had to know.

[Death The Kid]

Kid didn’t make a scene of the girl leaving in what seemed like a rush, he calmly sat there and dug into his pocket pulling out the three coins necessary for a room. “I will take one as well if that’s ok?” He said politely. In his mind, he really hoped he wouldn’t have use for it, but that was his hormone talking, his common sense told him to get his own room.

“Of course, third on your left.” The barmaid said, trading the coins for a key. Unlike the girl, Kid strolled up a few minutes later after picking up his bag and scythe, He dragged the bag up the steps as the scythe blade dragged across the wall, and it was worn down anyway. He made it to the top of the stairs, his bag made the final thump as it hit the last step and the scythe began to ring as it left the wall. He walked forward only a few steps, past two doors and unlocked the third. Walking in Kid immediately placed his bag in a convenient corner and the scythe under the bed, turned around and sat down.

‘I don’t even know if I should go in there, what is she does know what I’ve done, or if she is going to turn me in to my father for a rewards, I’m sure there is one....’ Kid thought to himself a lot, the way he saw the world was that if you thought about it enough you could solve anything. Looking at his hand he opened and shut it a few times, there was a feint green glow around it. Eventually he stood up and went over to the door, hesitating as his hand reached the handle. Taking in a deep breath, he left the room, locked it and walked one door towards the stairs, exhaling the breath he put on a happy face and lightly but happily tapped on the door. “Hello.” He said in a slightly whispered voice.

[LadyAeldra]

Aeldra heard the knock. "Come on in." So he had come after all. Good. Now came the hard part. She wasn't very skilled at all with magic, and she had only discovered that she had a gift for it when she had come across an old book written in the elvish tongue. Sometimes, though she pronounced a word correctly and put her energy into it, nothing happened at all.

She reached over and turned the small knob on the oil lamp beside her, making the light dim a little. Closing her eyes to concentrate, she gave him enough time to come in, and put her left had over the crystal teardrop pendant of the necklace. She wasn't sure whether or not he had actually come in, but she had already started, and she didn't want to stop now.

She could feel the energy within the jewel ebb just a bit as it came into her body. There was enough energy stored within it that, if she ever needed to, she could go without sleep for two days. But not quite knowing how to store more energy into it, she had never actually tried, fearing that she might need energy and have nothing left.

Holding out her right hand, she pictured in her mind exactly what she wanted, not daring to let her mind wander. A ball of light, at my right hand... "Garjzla!" she shouted, and a small ball of white light, no brighter than a candle flame, flickered into existance. She opened her eyes and gave a small sigh of relief. It had worked. This time, at least.

[Death The Kid]

Kid was tempted to make his hand combust into green flames, but showing her up probably wasn’t the best idea in the world. Instead he calmed down, he didn’t have anything to fear, if he really wanted, he could walk through the wall into his own room and leave. Kid had studied magic under his first ‘assassination target.’ Because of his kind nature Kid didn’t say anything and just stared with his mouth open.

“Wow!” he shouted ecstatically before covering his own mouth and blushing, He could out act her old troupe any day, the dim light masked his flushed cheeks. Despite what it may seem, he wasn’t embarrassed for the outburst, well...he was but mainly because he was in a room, alone with an attractive girl and made a ‘child’ out of himself. He really wanted to show that he had power too, that they were similar... but he didn’t want her to know that someone younger was better than her.

He was genuinely fascinated by this, though he had seen magic before, new types always interested him, and when he stared at her, he saw something, not fully human...This only interested him more. He reached out, blushing as the light hit his face, and placed his hand in hers, He wanted to know what would happen, in every way. His eyes shifted around the room, constantly switching between her face the flame and the surrounding room.

[LadyAeldra]

Aeldra watched as Kid put his hand in hers, making both of their hands glow as if they had just caught a fairy between them. Part of her wanted to withdraw her hand, but part of her didn't. She didn't want to think about the fact that he was touching her, that no boy had ever touched her before. So she just sat there for a moment, watching the light and not daring to look up at Kid.

The light wasn't like fire, there was no heat associated with it, nor was it an unpleasant feeling. But there was a feeling to it. It seemed almost cold, like walking through a mist or a fog. Without knowing it, she let the ball of light be for longer than she had intended, and her thoughts only fully returned to the moment when she realized that her energy was slowly fading. She felt hungrier now, although she had just eaten, and drowsy although it was late afternoon.

With a barely audible sigh, she willed the magic light to fade, and withdrew her hand. "Well, now you know one of my secrets. I wanted to ask you if you had ever seen it before. If I can use this kind of magic, there is a good chance that there are others as well, others who might know what happened to my parents."

"And my second question," she said, letting go of the necklace, "is this. Have you ever seen a necklace like this before? I need to know if I am to find the answers to this mystery. If you can remember anything, anything at all, please..."

Shaking her head, she stood up and walked to the other side of the room. "I am sorry. Maybe I am only grasping at straw. Perhaps I am the only one left." She closed her eyes. This time she let the tears flow, not caring what he thought of her, not caring that it was a sign of weakness. "But I must know for sure. I must!"

[Death The Kid]

“That’s not human magic. I can tell you that for sure.” Kid said with his eyes narrowed, the kind boy from before had such a serious look in his eyes. He held out his hand looked away and it immediately caught fire, the flames were green with the occasional sparks of black lightning flickering off, It drained the heat from the room and made it ice cold. “I studied magic a year or two ago, although there are similarities, your kind is more controlled, more shaped. Humans often have random bursts and little control over the form, making them favour in destructive arts such as fire.” Kid said as he clenched his fist dispersing the green flames. He seemed completely different now.

“If I was to take a guess, I would say it will be difficult to find out your past, you seem to have mixed blood, such a thing is often frowned upon, and so it’s not often that parents of a mixed blood tell anyone.... of course, I’m just guessing here, going of second hand information.” Kid paused for a moment and looked straight back at her, his eyes became more forgiving once more, but not completely. “You are different, I can see it when I look at you, you don’t look the same as the countless people I have seen, but I can’t pin-point what.” Kid bushed again slightly, here he was being all serious, and as he stares at a girl... his body hated him for being so confused.

“As for the artefact, I can’t help you there, If I could go home, I get there would be something in all the books but....Can you not remember anything at all about your past?” Kid asked suddenly his voice almost returning to normal, he felt slightly uncomfortable in this situation, she gave him a look as if she expected him to know all the answers, he didn’t want to let her down, but at the same time, knew he couldn’t really be of much help but he was going to try!

[LadyAeldra]

There was so much to take in, Aeldra had trouble deciding what to think about first.

She was surprised at his abilities, but took it in stride. If Kid could do magic, it must be a bit more common than she had previously thought. And the surprising thing was, at his age, that he was better at it than she was. But hers was a different kind of magic... not human magic... She must be a halfling, or have some mixed blood, like Kid had said. The only thing that she could think was, when she had been studying that book, Liduen Kvaedhi, how easy it had been for her to learn the elvish language.

"Perhaps... perhaps I am part elf. It would make some sense..."

This new revelation had done enough to lighten her mood. In any case, she wasn't going to waste any more time crying about her past. She had to face it, and now was as good a time as any.

"I remember my mother a little, but I cannot remember my father. Perhaps it was him? She used to sing to me and tell me stories about elves. Then something happened and she stopped singing. I remember... Yes, that was when she gave me her necklace, right before it happened..." She was beginning to remember little things, little details that she hadn't before, and it heartened her that she could now recall her mother's voice.

"I don't know what happened that night, but I do remember the woods were on fire. I think that the cottage was on fire as well, but I had no time to look. A wild dog was chasing me, a wolf I think. I ran as fast as I could, but it was still faster. It was biting at my heels and at some point it bit my ancle, and I fell. I don't remember what happened after that, but I think someone must have saved me, or else that wolf would have eaten me alive.

"When I woke up, I was surrounded by a group of people, and I heard them fighting about what to do with me. They were the same ones who I told you about earlier, the troupe of players. In the end, they decided to keep me and raise me to be a bardess. Twelve years passed, and here I am.

"But there's still so much I don't remember, so much I don't know..." She sighed, then looked up at Kid as if for the first time. In a matter of moments he seemed to have changed, grown older, more mature. "I've never told anyone this, not even them."

Out of nowhere, a laugh bubbled up from inside her and she simply had to let it out. All this, this entire day, her entire life, was so incredibly absurd. And letting out what she had been feeling, it felt like a gigantic weight had lifted off her shoulders. When her laughter finally died down, she shook her head and smiled. It was not a polite smile or a fake smile, it was genuine. "Thank you. Thank you for listening to my story. I feel so much better for having told it. And you've been so understanding. Perhaps I was wrong about... well everything." She gave a small giggle, but was able to better control herself this time.

She knew she probably looked crazy, but she didn't even mind now. This boy, this "Kid", whom she had met only once, had been able to tell her more about herself than she had been able to find out with years of searching. It was amazing.

[Death The Kid]

Kid had a big smile of his own, it was good to hear her laugh, especially after how difficult it must have been to tell him that, it made him even more interested, He wanted to help her remember everything, Helping was something he couldn’t stop himself from doing, That was his goal in life, to help, to make everyone happy, to make everyone equal. Kid found himself staring again, Now it was obvious that she had elf blood, after mentioning it but still something wasn’t right.

‘If her father was an elf, she would look more like an elf, that’s simple genetics, even I know that from those old books, you look like your parents and it’s usually the male you take after. That would just make things more complicated, if one of her parents was a mixed blood... it would explain why she didn’t have many of the Elvin features but definitely had an Elvin feel to her, This is so confusing, should I say or would that just ruin her good mood, she does have a really nice smile.’ Kid thought to himself, blushing at her praise.

“I’m glad I could help you.” Kid said as he gave a bow in response. “I don’t mean to be nosey, but, do you have any idea of where you should look next...I mean, like well...” Kid hesitated, He wasn’t sure if he should ask, She may have bad memories of the place or might not want to revisit... He had to ask, just in case she didn’t think of it, there may be someone there that could help. “...Did you ever ask where you were found, or did they ever try to take you back?” He left the question there to linger, He tried his best to keep his smile, his tone of voice and his eyes how they were... but it wasn’t easy.

[LadyAeldra]

"Well, that is one of the problems, I'm afraid." Aeldra answered. "It's been so very long ago, I can't even remember where I lived before. And besides, since the woods were probably burned to the ground, it wouldn't look the same today anyway. Of course, when a few years had passed and I thought it would be safe again, I asked where they had found me, but no one else could remember either. Or at least, they might have, but did not want to tell me for some reason. But why would that be?"

She laughed again, feeling despite the small drain on her energy a moment before, even better than she had. "Never mind. I have burdened you too much already, I can see that. I will try to find my father, or someone who knows something. But I won't feel hopeless if I never learn the truth. I don't know where I will go from her but..."

On a whim, she walked back over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. You have helped me more than you could know." And with that, she walked out of the room without looking back, smiling as she imagined the expression on his face.

Taking off the necklace and placing it neatly back into her travelling pack, she climbed down the stairs two at a time, a renewed sense of purpose building in her chest. She was still blushing, part from the emotional rollercoaster this afternoon had been, and part from her impromptu kiss, something she never would have thought herself capable of.

Hurriedly handing the key over to the barmaid downstairs, she said,"On second thought, I don't think I'm finished with the day yet. Keep the coins, though." And with a big smile on her face, she walked out of the Peaceful Promenade with her head held high.

Goodbye, Kid. I hope we stumble into each other again someday. Perhaps when you are a bit older. She knew he couldn't hear her, but she felt like letting the thought pass into the void nevertheless.

[Death The Kid]

Kid stood in the room, his cheeks flushed bright red, it was extremely unexpected, and he had enjoyed it a lot. He could still feel the warm press, by the time he had come back round to his senses, Aeldra was probably out of the building however, despite common sense telling him to stay still he Left the room with great haste in an attempt to follow her, He had no idea what he would say if he caught up to her, but that didn’t really matter. He reached the bottom of the stairs after a few leaps and bounds and stopped at the bottom and watched the door close.

“I’ll see you again sometime.” He mumbled to himself, adding in his head ‘Until then I will try to find more answers for you.’ He would have said it out loud but that’s the kind of thing you read in soppy novels, He should know.

Kid hat began to walk up the stars again, he turned and looked back at the doorway and placed his hand on his cheek. The only other person that had ever kissed him was his mother but the effect was no way near the same, though he travelled around a lot, he never had time to really talk to anyone. Reaching the top of the stairs, he walked over to the door and stepped through it, not bothering to unlock it. Hit body was past its limit He intended to get some food and sleep, but that didn’t exactly happen, Kid lay down and shut his eyes, knowing that tomorrow he would be on the road again, and hopefully heading in the same direction as the girl, the girl that he could still imagine smiling, the girl that gave him his first kiss.

[Breaker]

The Young Bardess
Quest Judgement

Not bad for an opening thread. While there were several noticeable weak points, the short, concise nature of your posts and the simplistic plot kept things interesting enough. Well done ;)

STORY

Continuity ~ 5/10. What you both really lacked was details. I got a decent overview of where you came form and why, but it was all very whitewashed and cliche. What specifically does Aeldra miss about Corin? What led to Alexander being a murderer? I got plenty of random info with no real background or justification. Remember to let the reader know why the story is taking place.

Setting ~ 3/10. I felt this was one of the weakest areas for both of you. Even if it is a perfectly ordinary inn, it still has features. Things your character can observe and interact with. Even if your character is too tired to notice anything, you can still describe the surroundings; that's the beauty of third person narrative. In post 9, for example, Aeldra described a chair as "cheap". Rather than using a vague term like that, why not describe what makes it seem cheap to her? If you find describing settings boring, think about your character's perspective: how they sense things (use all five senses!) can make the surroundings more interesting, and you don't have to stop there!

There were a few decent interactions, like when Aeldra balanced the spoon on her bowl, or when Kid walked straight through his door. But I only spotted a few of these throughout the entire thread. You've both got some serious work to do in this section, but I think with a little effort you'll improve easily enough.

Pacing ~ 6/10. This was one of your strongest areas. As I said before, you kept the posts short, and that helped keep me interested. The mention of a tainted past for both parties was well done, and generally you played well into each others writing, although Kid dropped the ball a few times on that. And I'll say it again: details! Don't dwell on things you've already said, or that your partner already said. Make it new, make it interesting, make it specific, and you'll be scoring higher here in no time.

CHARACTER

Dialogue ~ 5/10. For the most part the dialogue seemed natural and true to character, without being really amazing. I got a good picture of Aeldra's tentative nature through her early dialogues, and I often chuckled at Kid's explosive personality. However, you both need to watch the continuity of your conversations. In more than one post I noticed a character would say something at the beginning, then say something else at the end that didn't really connect with the earlier line. This is easy to fix: just glance at the last piece of dialogue every time you're writing a new one, and make sure the new piece follows logically in conversation.

Also, you both need to be more careful to always put a line break when a new person talks. Kid, it will help a lot if you put your internal dialogue (thoughts) in italics. Also, try not to rely to heavily on internal monologues. Remember that you can use body language to express your character's feelings too.

Action ~ 4.5/10. You both had a few decent instances of this. Aeldra's spoon thing, and the way she played with her bangs awkwardly really helped build me a mental image of who she is. I also really liked Kid's reaction when she showed him his magic. The holding hands and the kiss were well played by both of you. Once again however, the instances where you used action to display your characters were few and far between. Remember that 'Action' refers to EVERYTHING your character does, not just fight scenes. Rather than just narrating exactly what they do, think about HOW they do it. Chances are, you'll start discovering facets of your character you didn't even know were there, and that's when your writing will get really interesting.

Persona ~ 5.5/10. This was kind of hit and miss. You both did a decent overall job of building a character, but I found you both slipped in places and the personae became somewhat flat. At the beginning I really got into Kid's paranoia and Aeldra's "little angel" bit, but both of these features dwindled and disapeared by the end. Remember to work AWAY from cliches, not towards them. Think about the character's motivation, why they do what they do, and what makes them different.

WRITING STYLE

Technique ~ 2/10. I won't sugarcoat it: the technique was very poor. Repeating information that your partner just wrote is something to avoid, and definitely don't dwell on exhausted information. I saw very little effort from either of you to use literary devices, and that hurt your mark a lot. I did really like Aeldra fairy simile in post 13, but earlier you used the metaphor "a somewhat impish grin". For me, words like "somewhat" just weaken whatever you're writing. It makes it sound like you're not really sure if the grin is impish, which reminds me that I'm reading a story, and then my suspended disbelief is gone and that's bad. Also, anytime you use nonspecific adjectives like "splendid" or "lovely", ask yourself how you could make that description better. Telling me that something is "splendid" does not show me anything about it, and it's always better to show than tell.

Mechanics ~ 4.5/10. Kid, you really dragged this mark down. I noticed words missing, typos, switches from past to present tense, and all manner of other grammatical errors. Aeldra did a little better, but I still saw quite a few errors from her. Fortunately, these are easy problems to solve. First, run your post through a spellcheck, like the one in microsoft word. Then, read it out loud to yourself. If you do both these things and edit accordingly, there's no reason to score lower than 7 in this category.

Clarity ~ 4.5/10. At times things were crystal clear, but other times, like in the flashback, I got confused. Also, at times the poor mechanics brought your clarity score down. Again, proofreading (preferably out loud) will greatly aid the clarity of your writing.

MISCELLANEOUS

Wild Card ~ 5/10. I enjoyed this thread. It was somewhat cutesy, a little cliched, and murky at times, but as I said before, your concise posts and interesting characters kept me in the story. If you've got any questions, feel free to PM me, and good luck on your next thread!

TOTAL ~ 44/100.

EXP and GP Rewards

LadyAeldra receives 380 EXP and 120 GP
Death the Kid receives 380 EXP and 120 GP

Other Rewards

Kid receives a small whetstone from a kindly retired blacksmith.
Aeldra receives the business card of a good talent agent in Scara Brae from someone who overheard that she is a singer.

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added!