Christoph
12-06-08, 11:59 AM
The coincide with the literary theme of the Althanas Invitational, I decided to reincarnate and old writing tips thread. Feel free to comment and discuss, but try to stay on topic.
Althanas is a strange mix of writer's workshop and roleplaying forum. This being the case, I'm happy to begin a new series of articles to help the writer's here develop their skills. Every week I'll post a few tidbits on a certain subject, and then welcome the mods (and possibly others) to give their personal experiences with that particular subject, and their advice on it.
This week, we'll tackle Point of View, and Viewpoint Intrusion.
Good writing streams from beginning to end without reminding readers of your construction. But both beginners and seasoned writers sometimes sabotage that flow when they allow in a writer's nemesis—The Viewpoint Intruder.
When you constantly reinsert the point-of-view character into the narrative, you make readers feel as if they keep going back to "Start." Read the following two examples of the same scene to see what I mean:
"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. She notices the waiter looks tired. She turns to see a pair of Japanese men talking quietly in a booth near the corner. She watches as a baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet and sees the waiter sigh."
"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. The waiter looks tired. A pair of Japanese men talk quietly in a booth near the corner. A baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet, and the waiter sighs."
When you allow viewpoint intrusion—letting Sally see the waiter and notice the baby—you haven't moved the reader into the story; you've diverted the narrative and shown the reader that someone is writing. Remember, it's understood that once you're in a character's viewpoint, you stay there until the end of the scene, and there's no need to place her in every sentence. With that in mind, here's how to find and eliminate The Viewpoint Intruder.
TAKING NOTICE
The word that opens the door to viewpoint intrusion most often is "noticed." Recently I read a student manuscript that said:
"The others were laughing and talking as they sat down at the table. As Kirk reached across the table for the bread, he noticed his hands. His fingers were long and brown, and he noticed how the light gleamed on his wedding ring."
The writer has inserted not one, but two intrusive "notices." He noticed his hands and noticed the gleam on his wedding ring. Was that the first time in his life Kirk realized he had hands? The scene would be smoother if she wrote it more like this:
"Kirk reached across the table for the bread. His fingers were long and brown, and light gleamed on his wedding ring."
The Viewpoint Intruder doesn't attack only fiction. Here's another example, this one from an essay:
"I looked over at Jenny propped up on the hospital bed. I could see her bright smile, but I knew she was in pain."
"I looked" and "I could see" are both unnecessary intrusions (and we might even include "I knew"). The point-of-view character had been in the hospital room for some time, thinking about Jenny's circumstances. So all she needed was, "Jenny was propped up in the bed. She was smiling, but I knew she was in pain." Or even, "Jenny was propped up in the bed, smiling in spite of her pain."
SENSORY OVERLOAD
When you write about sensory impressions, the Intruder might try to take over the text. Look at this example:
"Rob opened the door. He could smell fried chicken and onions, and he heard the butter crackling in the skillet. His mouth watered from hunger."
Rob's senses are great in the narrative, but you can use them better by implying, not reminding us of, his presence until you need it:
"Rob opened the door. The aroma of fried chicken crackling in the skillet with onion slices made his mouth water."
This way you begin and end with Rob, but you take him out of the description.
MEMORY LANE
When writers allow their characters to remember the past, Viewpoint Intruders can run rampant. To catch them, be on the lookout for adverbial phrases. For example: "As I stopped in front of the old house, my mind reeled back to how hard it rained the day Jim shot me." That passage would be stronger as, "I stopped in front of the old house. Rain had fallen in torrents on the day Jim shot me." This passage has more zip and we don't notice the author creeping around in the bushes near the old house.
Avoid the phrase "I remember" whenever possible:
"I remember that when I was five, I used to hide from my father in the linen closet. I crawled under an old lavender quilt on the floor, and I could hear his angry footsteps."
This passage has some good elements in it. But if you take out "I remember," you have a stronger scene:
"When I was five, I used to hide under an old lavender quilt in the linen closet, listening to my father's angry footsteps."
We don't have to see inside her head with every move or sound.
IT DOESN'T STOP HERE
Don't assume you ever outgrow the tendency to intrude. The first draft of my 20th book, Beyond Words, was full of intrusions:
"I took a break at a retreat in northern Idaho. I walked outside and sat on a log, where I watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasqueflower. I could see her tasting its petals, and I heard her buzzing around the opening. As I watched, she drew back and literally hurled herself at the flower's center."
After recognizing the intrusions, I edited it down. The final copy read:
"During an afternoon break at a retreat in northern Idaho, I sat on a log and watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasqueflower. She tasted its petals, snuffled at the opening, and then drew back and hurled herself at the flower's center."
That second version uses stronger verbs, and I've also eliminated my first-person viewpoint intrusions.
You may continue to write with Viewpoint Intruders, but with practice, you'll be able to weed them out. Once the "notices" and "remembers" are gone, you—and readers—can focus on your story.
(this article can be found at the following link
http://www.writersdigest.com/articles/ingram_intruder.asp )
Point of view: One of the most frequent "errors" I see in manuscripts by beginning novelists is in establishing and maintaining a singular point of view for a scene.
While it is possible to write from an "omniscient" point of view and show what any character is thinking at any time, it is a very difficult technique to master. A recent article by a professor who writes novels and teaches courses for a MFA in writing told of how he is just now confident enough to try it.
First person, the "I did this and I did that" point of view, is easy to understand and keep consistent. It is limiting, though, because you can only tell about what the character can see, know, think, and do.
Third person limited is the point of view most used in contemporary commercial fiction. It is like first person in that, while you're in a character's "head," you can only write about what he or she can see, know, think or do. "Violations" can be subtle: a recent manuscript had the point of view character knocked unconscious, then the writer went to tell more of the action which the character could not know about.
The advantage of third person limited is that you can change to another character's point of view to get new information, action, etc. But don't give the reader mental whiplash by jumping from character to character paragraph by paragraph. Stay within a character for a chapter if possible or, if you move through more than one character in a chapter (I use this technique frequently), separate the changes in point of view with an extra line space that includes three centered asterisks to cue the reader. And give the reader some time in a character's head, don't just pop in for a paragraph or so (generally speaking; there are exceptions).
(the previous excerpt can be found at this location: http://www.editorrr.com/writing_tips-techniques.html)
I hope these tips help, I know they've given me new insight on how I approach character writing.
The Valkyrie
Althanas is a strange mix of writer's workshop and roleplaying forum. This being the case, I'm happy to begin a new series of articles to help the writer's here develop their skills. Every week I'll post a few tidbits on a certain subject, and then welcome the mods (and possibly others) to give their personal experiences with that particular subject, and their advice on it.
This week, we'll tackle Point of View, and Viewpoint Intrusion.
Good writing streams from beginning to end without reminding readers of your construction. But both beginners and seasoned writers sometimes sabotage that flow when they allow in a writer's nemesis—The Viewpoint Intruder.
When you constantly reinsert the point-of-view character into the narrative, you make readers feel as if they keep going back to "Start." Read the following two examples of the same scene to see what I mean:
"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. She notices the waiter looks tired. She turns to see a pair of Japanese men talking quietly in a booth near the corner. She watches as a baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet and sees the waiter sigh."
"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. The waiter looks tired. A pair of Japanese men talk quietly in a booth near the corner. A baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet, and the waiter sighs."
When you allow viewpoint intrusion—letting Sally see the waiter and notice the baby—you haven't moved the reader into the story; you've diverted the narrative and shown the reader that someone is writing. Remember, it's understood that once you're in a character's viewpoint, you stay there until the end of the scene, and there's no need to place her in every sentence. With that in mind, here's how to find and eliminate The Viewpoint Intruder.
TAKING NOTICE
The word that opens the door to viewpoint intrusion most often is "noticed." Recently I read a student manuscript that said:
"The others were laughing and talking as they sat down at the table. As Kirk reached across the table for the bread, he noticed his hands. His fingers were long and brown, and he noticed how the light gleamed on his wedding ring."
The writer has inserted not one, but two intrusive "notices." He noticed his hands and noticed the gleam on his wedding ring. Was that the first time in his life Kirk realized he had hands? The scene would be smoother if she wrote it more like this:
"Kirk reached across the table for the bread. His fingers were long and brown, and light gleamed on his wedding ring."
The Viewpoint Intruder doesn't attack only fiction. Here's another example, this one from an essay:
"I looked over at Jenny propped up on the hospital bed. I could see her bright smile, but I knew she was in pain."
"I looked" and "I could see" are both unnecessary intrusions (and we might even include "I knew"). The point-of-view character had been in the hospital room for some time, thinking about Jenny's circumstances. So all she needed was, "Jenny was propped up in the bed. She was smiling, but I knew she was in pain." Or even, "Jenny was propped up in the bed, smiling in spite of her pain."
SENSORY OVERLOAD
When you write about sensory impressions, the Intruder might try to take over the text. Look at this example:
"Rob opened the door. He could smell fried chicken and onions, and he heard the butter crackling in the skillet. His mouth watered from hunger."
Rob's senses are great in the narrative, but you can use them better by implying, not reminding us of, his presence until you need it:
"Rob opened the door. The aroma of fried chicken crackling in the skillet with onion slices made his mouth water."
This way you begin and end with Rob, but you take him out of the description.
MEMORY LANE
When writers allow their characters to remember the past, Viewpoint Intruders can run rampant. To catch them, be on the lookout for adverbial phrases. For example: "As I stopped in front of the old house, my mind reeled back to how hard it rained the day Jim shot me." That passage would be stronger as, "I stopped in front of the old house. Rain had fallen in torrents on the day Jim shot me." This passage has more zip and we don't notice the author creeping around in the bushes near the old house.
Avoid the phrase "I remember" whenever possible:
"I remember that when I was five, I used to hide from my father in the linen closet. I crawled under an old lavender quilt on the floor, and I could hear his angry footsteps."
This passage has some good elements in it. But if you take out "I remember," you have a stronger scene:
"When I was five, I used to hide under an old lavender quilt in the linen closet, listening to my father's angry footsteps."
We don't have to see inside her head with every move or sound.
IT DOESN'T STOP HERE
Don't assume you ever outgrow the tendency to intrude. The first draft of my 20th book, Beyond Words, was full of intrusions:
"I took a break at a retreat in northern Idaho. I walked outside and sat on a log, where I watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasqueflower. I could see her tasting its petals, and I heard her buzzing around the opening. As I watched, she drew back and literally hurled herself at the flower's center."
After recognizing the intrusions, I edited it down. The final copy read:
"During an afternoon break at a retreat in northern Idaho, I sat on a log and watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasqueflower. She tasted its petals, snuffled at the opening, and then drew back and hurled herself at the flower's center."
That second version uses stronger verbs, and I've also eliminated my first-person viewpoint intrusions.
You may continue to write with Viewpoint Intruders, but with practice, you'll be able to weed them out. Once the "notices" and "remembers" are gone, you—and readers—can focus on your story.
(this article can be found at the following link
http://www.writersdigest.com/articles/ingram_intruder.asp )
Point of view: One of the most frequent "errors" I see in manuscripts by beginning novelists is in establishing and maintaining a singular point of view for a scene.
While it is possible to write from an "omniscient" point of view and show what any character is thinking at any time, it is a very difficult technique to master. A recent article by a professor who writes novels and teaches courses for a MFA in writing told of how he is just now confident enough to try it.
First person, the "I did this and I did that" point of view, is easy to understand and keep consistent. It is limiting, though, because you can only tell about what the character can see, know, think, and do.
Third person limited is the point of view most used in contemporary commercial fiction. It is like first person in that, while you're in a character's "head," you can only write about what he or she can see, know, think or do. "Violations" can be subtle: a recent manuscript had the point of view character knocked unconscious, then the writer went to tell more of the action which the character could not know about.
The advantage of third person limited is that you can change to another character's point of view to get new information, action, etc. But don't give the reader mental whiplash by jumping from character to character paragraph by paragraph. Stay within a character for a chapter if possible or, if you move through more than one character in a chapter (I use this technique frequently), separate the changes in point of view with an extra line space that includes three centered asterisks to cue the reader. And give the reader some time in a character's head, don't just pop in for a paragraph or so (generally speaking; there are exceptions).
(the previous excerpt can be found at this location: http://www.editorrr.com/writing_tips-techniques.html)
I hope these tips help, I know they've given me new insight on how I approach character writing.
The Valkyrie