Angel Rose debates

[angelrosebladess]

As she looked into the window Angel Rose debated if she should enter or not. Her pitch black hair blowing in her face partially covering her deep blue eyes. She bit her lower lip and walked past knowing she should be on her way. As she walked she heard, what sounded like foot-steps from above her. She looked up and saw a figure but couldn't make out if the figure was male or female. Angel quickened her pace trying to make it to her home without havine to confront anyone.
She kept looking over her shoulder and saw that the figure was following her. Her heart quickened as she turned into an alleyway, normally a safe haven for her but she felt fear as she continued walking and heard a thud behind her. She gasped and stopped, slowly turning to see what it was that made it. She saw no one and figured it was a cat or something that made the noise. She shook off her fear realizing she was being silly. She continued walking but heard foot steps yet again but this time it sounded like there was more than one set.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max was idolly walking through a town, as her saw a young woman looking into the window of the tavern, he stopped and looked at her, she had long black hair, and when she turned to walk past him he saw how stunning she looked. and as she went down the street some what.

Max heard "Hey look at her" in a soft whisper, followed by "Let's get that one" with a 'hey sexy' whistle.

As max looked around to who could of said that, he saw a figure jump over the ally way beside him.

The Roof! Max thought as he quickly climbed up and ran after the guy who just ran by, and as he was gaining on the figure, the stunning female turned down an alley. and just as the man was about to jump into the alley way, Max Tackled him clear across the opening, he then rested his hand on the man's head, and used his paralysis touch.

"Shh! dont say a word" Max whispered, not like the man could, he had no control of his limbs at all, but the natural breathing and beating of his heart remained the same.

Max quickly turned around as he heard scampering of feet on dirt, he did a quick estimate of 3 or 4, and as he looked. there was a good 4 Beggers just about to turn down the alley way, Max sighed and jumped down. landed on his feet and went down to a knee. and slowly got up letting his cloak below in the wind, obscurring his face from view, of the beggers.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel stopped and turned facing the ones following her. The wind blowing her hair behind her and the light from the street made her pale skin glow. She stood there looking at the 4 beggers behinder her and saw the figure between them and her and figured he wanted a piece of her too. She pulled out her sword and waited for them to attack. She glared at them all ready for anything they throw at her.

As she watched the figure inbetween her and the assaliants she began to wonder who he was and why he was there. She waited patiently watching as the figure who stood before her dared any of the beggars to come towards either of them.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max drew his sword, cracked his shoulders and slowly approached the beggers.

"If you were smart, you wouldn't still be standing there" Max said as he rushed at one and stabbed it through the stomach.

He then looked at the others and motioned for them to try anything. they all rushed him at once, max ducked one attack and punched the guy in the face sending him sprawling backwards, as he spun on a heel, and slashed out, slicing a gash in one of the begars stomachs.

Just as Max regained his balance he felt something stab him through his shoulder, he quickly rolled to the side, while holding the wound with his one hand and the sword in the other, as he lunged towards the last begger he tripped, and ended up headbutting the bandit in the stomach sending him back into the wall.

"He killed them Get him!" he heard a few people say, so as he regained some mobility he tried to make a break for it, down the alley. just barely stopping infront of the woman he has just saved, and as he shifted his weight he collapsed. the dagger in his shoulder had done some serious damage, and it was taking its toll on max.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel watched the fight between the figure and the beggers. She looked down at him and back at the beggers coming towards them. She stepped over his body as one of them went to attack him she blocked the swing and pushed him back causing him to trip over the garbage cans hitting his head rendering him unconscious. She turned to the rest and started slashing.
The beggers turned and ran off without looking back. Angel heard the figure groan in pain and went back to him. She put her sword away and knelt down beside him assessing the damage. She carefully pulled out the dagger and tossed it to the side. She tore off some of her dress and wrapped his wound up. She bit her lower lip wondering if she should bring him back to her home and heal him or leave him there.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max, watched as the woman he saved, had saved him, and then bandaged his wound up, as he drifted of into unconciousness, the last thing he did was, charging his hand with enough mana to numb the area of the wound.

"Max wake up!" a familiar voice said

"Huh?" Max said as he looked around, he was on an open plain of bright green grass about a foot high, and across this plain was Clyde, Smiling and waving.

Max took off to a jog to get to clyde, as it seemed the field just got longer and longer, after a few minutes max hit the ground hard outta breath, staring out over an oceon of green,

"You're in Trouble again Aren't ya?" Clyde said as he sat down beside max.

"I always was in Trouble, and seems like that hasn't changed bout me at all has it?" Max said as he chuckled

"Well there's always hope," Clyde said with his sly little grin

Max couldnt help but laugh

"Well considering how my life had been and still is, it seem's thats the only thing keeping me together."

"Well remember these words and one day they will serve you well, Salva il mio culo ancora una volta" Clyde said slowly and softly with a smug look of amusement on his face.

"Salva il mi ...... wait clyde what does it mean?" Max said as he felt a tug back to reality.

It was black and cold, those were the only things max knew.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel finally figured that it would be best if she repaid him by bringing him back to her home and healing him the best she could. She grabbed him and lifted him up and started dragging him to her home.
She looked around making sure no one saw her and brought him inside. She laid the stranger on her couch and quickly closed the door locking it and shutting the blinds to the windows not wanting anyone to see inside.
She grabbed a few herbs and made them into a paste looking back at the man that saved her from being mugged. She became curious as to who he was and why he was there. Angel removed the dressing from the wound and smeared the paste over it chanting a protection spell over him while his wound was healing. "mother earth keep this man from harm. allow him to heal so use your charm." she kept repeating it til she grew tired and weak.
Angel grabbed a blanket from the closet and placed it over him. She went to her room and shut the door still confused as to why he was there and why he saved her. She began disrobing trying to figure it all out. After she disrobed she climed into bed and curled up under the covers drifting off to sleep.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max woke up and it was Dark, he slowly sat up before relizing he was inside someones house. he quickly stood up and spun on his heel while going to draw his swor dbut realized it wasnt there, and his cape wasnt on.

"What the...." Max said as he scanned the room and saw his white cape on the other side of the room, so charging his hand full of mana he walked over to this cape, and slowly picked it up, in underneath was his sword and his sheath.

After he had put all his equipment back on he walked around scanning his surroundings, after a while of scanning he came upon a door that was closed, so before he walked in he bent down to a knee and looked in through the key hole. he say a bed, with a lump in it, it looked almost as if someone was sleeping.

He went to sit down on the couch he woke up on, and started thinking, after awhile he went to a window of the back of the house and looked around, he was on the ground level and could easily climb in and out of this window.

"A Little Breakfast would be nice" Max said as he opened the window and slid out, he knew where a nearby chicken farm was and was going to head there to get what he wanted for breakfast.

At about sunrise he climbed back in through the window and walked to what he assumed was the kitchen and found a flat surface that he could throw ontop of a fire, and started heating the cooking surface, after a few minutes he reached in his satchel and took out the 4 or 5 eggs he had taken from the chicken farm, and cracked them on the cooking surface and started cooking breakfast.

after a few minutes he had a plate and 3 eggs on it and ate 2 as the other plate had 2 on it, he carefully slid his last egg on the plate and walked to the bedroom, and knocked on the door before slowly opening it.

"Breakfast is ready" max said as he showed the plate before himself.

[angelrosebladess]

Smelling food being cooked Angel woke up and looked around her bedroom. She got dressed and heard a knock at the door. She walked over and saw the plate before she saw the man. She smiled and took the plate. "Thank you." She looked at him and then at the wound. "You shouldn't be up at the moment. Your wound is still healing." She walked out of her bedroom causing him to move back into the living room area.

Angel noticed he had put on his weaponry and his cape and sighed. "I guess you're going to be leaving then.. You are all ready to go." She looked down and wondered to herself why she felt so hurt that he was ready to leave. He is, after all, just another stranger, but some how he was different. She couldn't put her finger on it but she knew some how he was different than the rest.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max backed up as she came out.

"I guess you're going to be leaving then.. You are all ready to go." she said as she sighed.

"Nah, i just feel bare without these on me, i sleep, walk, eat, and relax with all of this on, without it i feel like a horse without it's legs." Max said as he got a big smirk on his face as he went to wipe his mouth.

"By the way, i have to repay you for treating this wound of mine, so i won't be leaving tell then." Max said as he turned back at her and smiled while wiping his mouth with a piece of linen on the counter top

[angelrosebladess]

"Nah, i just feel bare without these on me, i sleep walk eat and relax with all of this one, i feel like a horse without it's legs." Max said as he got a big smirk on his face as he went to wipe his mouth. Angel smiled and nodded as she began eating the breakfast he had took the time to make for her. "Thank you for the breakfast. You didn't have to do this. At least I didn't expect you to."

She smiled at him as she wiped her own mouth with a small linen next to her on the table. She leaned back against the wall and watched him as he wiped his mouth. "Well, you defended me in the alley way when you didn't have to. And since you were wounded while defending me I felt it was my duty to heal your wound. How is it by the way?" She motioned her chin to his wound under his cape.

[Lady Blackwell]

"Ehh, it's alright, to be honest i really dont feel much pain not with my Abilities" Max leaned up against the wall as he charged his right hand full of mana and dispersed it in the air around him, creating a ripple of a type of white light.

"And well you see i only saved you in that alleyway, you took care of my wound which should of made us even, but you also gave me a place to stay for the night, which put's you back in the lead. so my service is at your will" Max said with a bow as he re adjusted his belt and walked over to a window, leaned on the wall beside it, and casually peered out.

"First place i have actually stayed at for awhile" Max said outloud to himself

[angelrosebladess]

"First place i have actually stayed at for awhile" Max said outloud to himself.

Angel watched him for a few minutes and walked over beside him. "So, why did you save me in the alleyway? I can take care of myself, I have been since as far back as I can remember. So, what is the name of the man that defended me?" She looked at him curiously.

[Lady Blackwell]

"So, why did you save me in the alleyway? I can take care of myself, I have been since as far back as I can remember. So, what is the name of the man that defended me?" She said as she looked at him with curiosity across her face.

Max sighed. "Well my name is Max, i saved u cause i was admiring your beauty when i heard them say something bout you would do good, i had no choice but to intervine, i thought it was just the one from the rooftop, but when i say the others on the ground i had no choice but to jump down and help you. I saw that you could handle yourself back there too, which surprised me. someone with your beauty being able to fight like that? your one in a million that's for sure."

Max couldn't help but let out a small hardy laugh when he saw the mugger he had used his paralysis touch on, stumble across the ground. it looked as if the mana hadn't completely wore off yet.

"Well, that's pretty much me in a nut shell. besides the fact i ran away at the age of 8 and became a bandit, i learned my abilities from a stolen scroll, and i have been having to steal and lie and cheat as a way of to get by." Max kicked off from the wall and walked across the room. "What about you? who are you? why did the muggers pick you? you got any skills or talents, you know besides healing my arm? and this place looks a little rundown, what's the story behind it?"

[angelrosebladess]

"Nice to meet you Max. My name is Angel Rose, but you can call me Angel. I was orphaned as a baby and pretty much went from house to house begging. The last 2 families I was with I ended up being the only girl so the boys taught me to fight and helped me learn my ablilities with the sword, among other things. But I have been on my own pretty much. I never stay in one place too long. I have only been here for a couple of months. Thats my story." Angel introduced herself as she looked at a glass of milk and caused it to come to her without touching it.
She sipped from it and did the same with her plate. Causing it to float from her hand to the table and set on the table without it falling to the floor. She looked at him. "Thank you for the compliment. Why does it surprise you that I can handle myself? Do not many women here take care of themselves without the help of a man?" She asked curiously.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max looked shock at what her abilities were, but he didnt have time to ramble about them.

"It's not that woman can't handle themselves it sjust the woman who i have seen in my travels aren't really beautiful, i guess they are in their own rights, but not to me. you are, and handled yourself pretty well but i must say, your abilities are rather unique, and looks like well mastered." Max paused and looked around, before focusing on the cellar he had passed before, "It doesn't look like you have much food do you have money to pay for food, or shall i go 'acquire' some"

Max said with a tinge to his voice at acquire.

[angelrosebladess]

"It doesn't look like you have much food do you have money to pay for food, or shall i go 'acquire' some"

Angel looked at him, noticing the shocked look, but realized he was right. She looked around her kitchen and realized that all this time of living here she never ate here. "I never at at home before. I'm always eating as I go about my business. Nor have I ever had any company. I have money for food I just never bought any for here. Like I said.. I never had company before. So you've never encountered beautiful women before me?" She looked back at him as the glass of milk went back to the table and placed itself gently ontop of the plate.

"Thank you again for breakfast. I need to go to the market. You may join me if you like. Unless you have other plans." She gave him the hint that she'd like the pleasure of his company but didn't know if he'd taken the hint or not.

[Lady Blackwell]

"Thank you again for breakfast. I need to go to the market. You may join me if you like. Unless you have other plans."

Max sighed and scratched the back of his head while considering going to the market the very next day after he had killed a few people,

it really isn't the smartest idea, but then again when was i ever known for being smart? Max thought as he chuckled to himself But then again if they catch her, and try to attack her again it would be better for him to be there."

Max let out a great big sigh as he walked over to her and offered his hand, as to show her out the door.

"If we're going to do this let's go" Max said with a grin as his other hand was hovering over the hilt of his sword in case anything happened.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel looked at his hand and back up at him then head to the front door. She grabbed her cloak and threw it on as well as her money bag. She tied it to her waist and walked out of the door.

She looked back at him waiting for him to follow. As she turned she listened to the sounds around her and just enjoyed the feel of the sun beating down on her. She became lost in her own thoughts forgetting about who was near or who was watching. She started remembering the times when she was a child hiding in the woods and laying down in the grassy fields letting the sun beam down upon her.

[Lady Blackwell]

Mac smiled as he watched her brush off his hand, andwent and got her stuff ready then walked out the door. he knew she probably wouldnt of taken his hand but, it was worth a shot.

as he walked out the door the sunlight beaming down on him, then bouncing off the stone and sand walkways lining the streets. it almost blinded him while his eyes got use to the light he felt like there was piercing gazes all around them. as Max started to walk down the street he looked around and saw Everyone staring at him.

there was one guy that motioned for Max to go down an alleyway with him, Max Smiled and cracked his shoulders as he turned around and told Angel to keep going.

As he walked into the alley way there was 1 big guy infront of him and 2 smaller guys that came in behind him stopping him from running.

"Well then, it looks like i may have a little fun here" Max said as he wrapped his fingers around his hilt.

"You killed boss" The big guy said in a very dumb henchmen sounding voice, Max knew this guy was probably strong, the dumb ones always were.

"Yeah and? he was weak and worthless he deserved it" Max said as he approached the big guy. "And you know, you may be just like him in a few seconds." Max said as he tapped the big guys leg and jumped onto a piece of garbage in the alley way then up to the roof, then jumped back down to join Angel.

"Ehh just some wanna be thugs trying to get back at me, dont worry no one was harmed though." Max said as he was thinking how that big guy would prob start crying once he realized couldnt move that leg anymore.

[angelrosebladess]

there was one guy that motioned for Max to go down an alleyway with him, Max Smiled and cracked his shoulders as he turned around and told Angel to keep going.

Angel watched as he walked away but shruged and kept walking not paying attention to where she was going. Suddenly she heard a thump and looked seeing Max at her side once again.

"Ehh just some wanna be thugs trying to get back at me, dont worry no one was harmed though." Max said. "I care not if someone was harmed. If they were it is their own fault." She replied realizing they were passing the alley way where they first met.

A smile came across her face remembering the fight very vividly and remembering watching as the man beside her now defended her even though he didn't know her. Finally they came to a butcher shop and she walked inside looking at the slabs of meat that was laid out before her.

Suddenly the door swung open and it was the same goons that called to Max earlier and had him go into an alleyway with them. She touched Max's shoulder, where he had the wound and sensed it was almost healed.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max looked at angel then to the door, and sighed.

He turned to the butcher "Sorry about this, i will try and take it elsewhere" Max said as he turned around and took off full speed at the two smaller goons, and threw his arms out and tackled them out the door.

Max hit the ground and shoulder rolled to a crouched location looking at the two guy's he had just tackled slowly getting up, as he was doing that a shadow engulfed him and the ground for a good 10 feet ahead of him, Max slowly turned his head and looked up at the big goon who was in the alleyway, towering over Max.

"Wow! he must be atleast 20 feet tall, not to mention he's still walking after the paralysis touch to his leg" Max said as the big guy picked him up with one hand,

"Ahh i see now, all that Fat must of absorbed the mana, such a shame really." Max said as he quickly pulled his sword out and did a small cut on the man's mammoth hand's making him drop Max.

Max hit the Ground and rolled on his side tell he felt like he was a safe distance away from the big guy. as he got to his feet the big guy punched the ground, it immediatly Started breaking apart and shifting. Max lost balance and fell over, when he got back up there was a good 10 to 20 feet radious completely uneven with pieces of earth and stone sticking up, and huge chunks of earth sitting on top.

"HOLY MOTHER OF ....." Max said as he looked around, realizing that some structures that where around before were no longer there, he couldnt even see traces of them

Max was completely in shock, he knew the guy was strong, but this strength was in human, impossible for even any of the races he had encountered before.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel felt the earth shake and looked outside seeing Max falling and getting back up. She walked outside and saw some buildings gone. Her heart began to race as she realized she left her sword at home.

She cursed at herself beneath her breath and looked around realizing the goons didn't see her. She made herself invisible and quickly headed home. She got to her house and grabbed her sword. Suddenly a spirit came to her and stood infront of her.

"I can't talk right now. I must help someone." She walked thru it and shut her door running to where Max was sensing the spirit following her wanting her to awknowledge it. Finally she stopped half way to Max and looked at it. "What? What is it you need to tell me?" She waited as it spoke to her telapathically. When the spirit was done Angel stood there wondering if she should take the spirits advice or go and help Max.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max had to think fast, before this guy started directing the attacks at him.

"Everyone out of their homes! and Run, It's For your own safety!" Max screamed as he he ran towards the big guy thinking Oh god! Oh God! oh God! Im gunna die!

the big guy saw max and got a look of pure anger and hatred upon him, either cause of his boss, or cause he just made a cut on his hand, max had no idea but it was a terrifing look.

As the big guy Swung at Max, he was Ready and quickly pivoted on the ball of his right foot, narrowly avoiding the swing. As he stopped spinning on the ball of his foot he quckly swung at the big guys arm creating a gash in it, and it looked like the stuff inside was trying to come out, like it bubbled and oozed out, and it looked like all the fatty tissue was being pushed out aswell.

the Big guy howled in pain and with his good arm Punched the already destroyed earth, destroying it even further.

Max barely had enough time to get a few feet back, but he lost his balance and pieces of earth piled ontop of him.

Last thing max thought was,

Is this the end? What about Angel? and What about the family i wanted to one day have?

[angelrosebladess]

Angel stumbled back a little feeling the earth tremble under her. "i dont care if i save him i might not find my family. he needs my help. now leave me be." She ran to where she saw Max last and saw rocks fall ontop of him. "MAX!!" She saw the goon and the other two guys look at her.

She pulled her sword waiting for them to attack, but all they did was leave. Angel watched and screamed, "You will not live much longer. I will find you and destroy you." She looked at the rocks and ran to them. She began trying to push them off. "Max!?! Max!! Don't worry, I'm going to get you out of this.. I promise." She called out to him. "Someone help me! Please!!" She looked around calling for help. No one came so she continued to move dirt and rocks trying to uncover Max.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max heard rubble and someone moving ontop of the dirt, and for a minute or so he thought about laying there, but when he heard it was angel trying to find him, he decided he had to try and get up or show her where he was.

"rah!" Max grunted and and tried to get up, with some of his strength he was able to prob himself up on his elbows, after a bit more of trying and struggling he got to his hands. and just as he was about to do a final push he felt his back hit something very cold and heavy, he didnt want to look to see what it was he just used all his strength to push. after a bit of trying the heavy object fell to the ground beside him and he was standing looking around. he saw angel digging in the buried earth a few metres to his left and as he went to take a step towards her, he heard a crack and a pop in his back, and he collapsed to one knee and screamed out in pain.

The pain got more and more intense till the point where it just about made him black out, at tha tpoint he layed in a very awkward position with his body draped over a protruding rock, but it eased the pain from his back.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel jumped hearing a scream and looked to her right and saw it was Max. She got up and ran to him as she watched his body fall over a rock that was sticking out of the ground. She got to his side and knelt down beside him.

"Max?" She touched his back and looked at him hearing him groan in pain. She bit her lower lip looking around seeing no one around to help her. She wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled him up hearing him groan in pain. "Just hold on a few minutes longer Max. We are almost there." She was hoping he could hear her as they eased along the road to her home. Finally they arrived home and she opened the door dragging him inside and brought him to her bedroom laying him in her bed. She lifted him up and took off his cape using her telekenisis and took off his weaponry and boots.
She looked him over and went into her kitchen and grabed some lavender herbs, pedistal, and mortar. She began grounding it and poured some water in it making it into a paste. She added some chamomile and some bandage wrap.
She went back into her room and hoisted him up using her telekinesis once again lifting up a washcloth using it to smear the mixture on his back and then wrapped him up and eased him back onto the bed. She covered him up and went to the bathroom grabbed another washcloth and wet it down with hot water. She walked back into her bed room and began to dab his forehead with the washcloth.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max was still in a very weakened state and could barely move anything, especially his legs, he thought he was dead.

"Angel?" Max was barely able to get out, just barely audible even in his head.

Max waited for what seems like eon's before finally passing out, unable to hear or see anything, and barely able to talk. He was hurt something severe, and if he wanted to save Angel, he had to think of a way to take out the big guy, before he could land a punch on him or the ground beneath his feet.

After What would of been weeks passed, and Max was still in his comatosed state, he finally came too, with his back being a little stiff, but nothing a little workout wouldn't fix.

He Wrote a note on some parchment he found laying around, saying he would be back shortly. for it was night time and either Angel had disappeared or he couldn't find her, but if his plan was to work he needed to get a littl stronger and faster.

He walked around the Nearby Forest searching for a nice place to work out at, he found a little lake with a waterfall, and a clearing, with a nice sandy beach area. He thought he heard singing in the far off distance but now wasn't the time he had to get stronger and Faster. he found some tree's that had fallen over and broke of some branches and laid them out on the sand, incase he needed to make a fire, or to make a splint as he trained. after 5 or 6 hours of training, he decided it was time to make his cape a lil heavier, and Grabbed some tree trunks and carved out a shallow bowl in them, that would fight his shoulders perfectcly, and that he could attach to his cape. after a few hours he put on his cape and started running from one end of the beach to the other, as fast as he could over and over Again.

After his 4th or 5th lap, he hit the ground hard, and slowly got back up. "I Have to get Stronger, i can't get beaten by a dumb henchman" He said as he punched the ground.

At that moment he remembered Angel, and not knowing why felt refreshed and got back up, a little sore from his working out, and started walking from one end to the toher while his eyes drooped and sweat stopped coming out of his pores.

Just as he went to turn around to head back up to his area he had started at, to take a rest, he passed out face first in the sand. Slipping into a deep sleep.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel grabbed a basked and left Max alone. She decided to go walking into the near by forest. As she walked into the forest she began singing a lullaby that she can't seem to remember where she's heard it from. As she was singing she knelt down by a flower bed and picked some wild flowers for her home. As she did her mind wondered to Max not realizing that she had a smile across her face as she thought about him.

She noticed it was getting late and got up walking back to her home. She looked around and sensed she wasn't the only one in the forest. She quickened her pace and headed home. When she got there she began wondering if he was okay or not. She walked into the door and looked around noticing he wasn't there. She looked around concerned and found a note. When she finished reading it she was relieved to find that he was okay and will be back shortly.
Angel walked around the house and began mixing some herbs for a healing mixture. As she did the same spirit came to her. "Angel Rose, you are well i see." Angel looked up at the spirit and nodded. "He is on your mind.... Be careful with him Angel. You do not know him and yet you are helping him." Angel stopped mixing the herbs and sighed. "I've about had it with you. Shall I bind you to a crystal to shut you up?" The spirit looked hurt. "Fine, but you can't say i didn't warn you." The spirit left as quickly as it came.
Angel sighed knowing that he was right. She knew little about Max and yet she is allowing him to stay in her home. She finished her blend and put it up. She walked to the living room and lite all of the candles around her with her telekinesis. She sat down in the middle of the floor and began meditating closing out the world around her.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max slowly regained conciousness, and just before he woke fully up, a cold blast of wind came, and blew in his face, followed by a splash of water.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around, the sky was pitch black with storm clouds, it was if someone had just snapped their fingers and changed the weather. but then again max had no idea how long he was out.

He slowly got to his feet and felt stiff all over, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. after one or two laps up and down the beach, he realized he didn't feel any extra weight on him at all, he felt, normal. he tapped his shoulders to make sure the wood was still there, which it was. and he sprinted back up to where his stuff was and leaned against a tree and started to think of what he wanted to traing next.

"Well the paralysis touch didn't affect him, cause it just didn't have the range to penetrate that fat, so maybe if i increase the range of the paralysis touch i can get it to work on the big guy." Max focused some mana into his hand and walked towards another tree, that was a good 5 feet away from him, and stuck his arm up towards the sky and tried to focus on sending the mana further away from his hand and more up towards the sky.

As he did he went to point his finger at the tree, to try and see how far it had gotten, but as his arm swung down a lightning bolt cracked along the sky and frightened him sending the mana leaping from his fingers into the tree, sending all the leaves that were on it to the ground.

"What? how did i do that?" Max thought as he walked back towards another tree and put his arm up in the air, and tried to focus on how he had done it before.

Max spent hours trying to re create that pure fluke he had, with no avail, after several hours of trying and pushing himself beyond his limits he decided he would try one more then head back to see Angel, he stuck his arm up in the air focused the last bit of mana he could into his hand, and pushed it palm toward the tree, and at that second lightning hit the mana, then launched itself at the three, sending it splintering in a thousand different directions, and the pure sound shockwave that followed sent max stumbling backward onto his ass.

With a look of pure shock on his face, max's mind started going a mile a minute, and after a few several minutes realizing his hand was sinking. He looked at his hand realizing it was still imbued with mana, and slowly cutting away the piece of wood and dirt that was beneath it.

Max released the mana that was on his hand, and picked up the piece of wood and studied it,

it looked as if it was shredded in one direction and one direction only. Max focused on his mana once again and pushed it forward like he was trying to do to gain reach, and watched the mana turn to a semi sharp ridge and start to rapidly move in one direction. He moved the piece of wood towards it and watched a layer of bark get ripped off and then when in mid air, completely disintegrate.

Max's eyes went wide open as he focused more mana in it and tried to increase the speed of which it moved, within hours he was completely exhausted, to the point he couldn't move, but he had made it so he could run his hand along a tree as fast as he would slash a sword, and cut it almost cleanly in half, and the leaves would still fall off. Max smiled as he let all the mana he had focused in his hand disappear as he let himself drift off to sleep.

He awoke several hours later, put on all his equipment and started walking back towards angel's house, he had no idea how long he was gone, all he knew is that he had accomplished what he wanted.

Leaving about 20-30 tree's bare in the forest he walked back, proud as one can be, after Achieving his goal and then some.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel sensed the storm coming and got up walking to the window. She looked out and saw the wind blowing the leaves on the trees. She bit her lower lip and decided to go to the market and get some groceries since her and Max were interrupted.

As she made her way there her cape wipped in the wind causing her to stumble every few feet. She looked and saw a bakery and went inside. Hours went by and she was still at the market. Lightening crackled and popped as it hit the closest thing it could reach. Thunder roared like a thousand horses galloping across the open plains. Every crackle the ligthening made Angel jumped.

When she was done at the market she headed home and quickly got inside. She put away the groceries and decided she should meditate more and try to get the storm out of her mind. She went to the living room, lit the candles, but this time she moved the furniture away from her so she could have more room.

Angel sat in the lotus position and began to meditate. She thought about her childhood and how she grew up moving from place to place. She breathed deeply and began imagining her entire body relaxing. Clearing her mind from everything around her as if she was floating on air.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max had stumbled through the forest for awhile now, his back was throbbing, his feet were throbbing, and his sholuder's were throbbing. He couldn't figure out why his shoulder's hurt but right now he was just trying to get back to angel's.

Max let out a sigh of exhaustion, he was soo tired, but still had a way to go, even if it meant infusing his blood with mana, to make it so he doesn't feel as much throbbing pain.

"After that tree over there, if i can't see Angel's place i will infuse my blood." Max said while panting.

As Max came to the tree he had in mind he saw Angel's house just under about a ten foot drop down and maybe a few minutes walk and climb, in his current state.

Max Smiled as he reached the edge of the drop, and looked in one of Angel's windows as he slid down the imbankment, when he reached the bottom he stumbled a bit and shoulder rolled on the ground. Max cringed as something jammed into his shoulder but it was only right there. max stumbled to his feet, and walked to a back window and kinds flopped through onto the ground, and made his way to a couch, and sat down looking at Angel Meditating.

This was a new thing for him to watch, he was told about it while in his Bandit Camp but had never once seen it done.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel sensed someone there and realized it was Max. A smile came across her face as she meditated and she decided to levitate while she meditated. Her body slowly lifted off the ground and she hovered about 2 feet from the ground as she continued to meditate.

She opened her eyes and looked at him still smiling as she stayed hovering in the air in front of him. She saw the amazment in his eyes and wondered why he looked at her like that. "Whats wrong? Why are you looking at me like that Max?" She watched him contently.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max laughed as he leaned back on the couch.

"Oh, No reason, just i have never seen anyone meditate before. i have heard about but never have seen it done." Max said as he slwoly took off his cloak and dropped it on the ground with a loud and heavy sounding 'Umph'.

He stood up and stretched before realizing his body still ached, but nothing that a little relaxing wouldn't cure, he laid back down on the couch and un-strapped his sheath and laid it down on the floor beside the couch so if anything happened, he could quickly grab it to defend himself. but he felt so much lighter now without the cloak, he felt like he could run incredibly faster then normal.

he laid down on the couch, on his side so he could still look at Angel.

"Well, i am sorry i was gone for so long. wait how long was i gone for?" Max said as he scratched his head and laughed, feeling the muscles he had worked on while he was gone for so long, as a lightning flash filled the room, followed by a earth shaking Boom!

[angelrosebladess]

Hearing the ligtening pop caused Angel to jump. She closed her eyes calming her nerves. "A couple of days at the least. I really didnt pay attention." She levitated over to the couch and sat down next to him.
She watched as he took off his cape and sheath wondering what he was up to and caught herself looking at his body and seeing that he was in better shape than when he left here. "How's your back doing?" She asked kindly.

[Lady Blackwell]

"huh? Oh my back! it's doing great thanks, i have no idea what you did to it, but it feel's like the rest of my body now." Max chuckled as he slowly got up feeling his stiff body trying to deny him from moving any further.

"So not to seem as a rude guest, but do you have anything to drink and eat? im thirsty and hungry." Max said as he scratched the back of his head, as he walked into the kitchen as the Ground shook once again.

[angelrosebladess]

"So not to seem as a rude guest, but do you have anything to drink and eat? im thirsty and hungry." Max said as he scratched the back of his head, as he walked into the kitchen as the Ground shook once again.
"Yes, I bought some earlier." She grabbed the couch as the ground shook. "All I did was rub some herbs on it and wrap you up. I learned how to a few years back. I use it when i become sore from fighting or walking too much." She got up and followed him to the kitchen. She leaned against the door and watched him make hisself at home.
As she watched him she realized she had grown to enjoy his company and realized that soon he would more or less leave her and never return. Her heart became unsteady as another clap of lightening shook the earth. She jumped but tried not to show her fear in front of him.

[Lady Blackwell]

((Bunny'ing has already been aproved)

Max Laughed

"Herbs? That's it? wow never thought of something so simple." Max looked around and grabbed some water and drank some.

The Lightning storm grew more and more intense as he stared out a window at the black sky with a hint of green,

"Looks like i got back just in time. hey?" Max said as he looked at Angel and watched her jump with another clap of lightning. he couldn't help but chuckle "A little afraid of lightning are we?"

Max walked over and gently placed his hand on her upper arm and then walked over to where he saw a paste and figured it may of been the herb stuff she was talking about, and took off his Leather Chest piece and threw it over by his cloak before grabbing some of the herb mixture and slopped it on his shoulder's as it started to tingle and slightly burn, he winced.

He walked over to angel in just his trousers and gave her a hug,she had a shocked look but then went red in the face, Max smiled as he lead her over to the couch where he sat down and motioned for her to sit beside him. she sat down and leaned against him, hesitant at first but then got cozy.

Max slowly rubbed her arm and his arm was around her neck as another strike of thunder echo'd across the sky, Max was comfortable and felt truly happy for once in his life since he had left his parent's and clyde.

Max found himself drifting into a sleep as another crack of thunder echo'd across the sky and rocking him to sleep.

There was a Loud crash and Splintering wood, Max Jumped of the couch and grabbed his sword. Looking around Max saw a Huge whole in the front of Angel's House with the Same bandit's that Max had got his ass kicked by on the other side.

"Damn their persistant" Max whispered as he shoulder rolled over to his cloak and leath chest piece, he quickly threw them on, and walked over to the whole. where the guy's were still yelling for him to come out.

Max Unsheathed his Sword and rested it on his Shoulder as he leaned up against the wall.

"What do you Guy's want now?"

[angelrosebladess]

Angel laid her head on Max's shoulder and started falling asleep. She heard a loud crash and jumped up looking at the huge hole in the front of her house. She watched as Max threw on his cloak and chest piece.

"Whats going on? Why are they after you?" She asked him as he went to the hole and leaned against the wall. "What do you Guy's want now?" Angel walked over to him and stood beside Max watching the same men she saw nearly destroy him. She placed her hand gently on Max's shoulder watching the men. "We want to finish what we started. So come out here and lets go. Unless that witch fights your battles for you."

Angel saw that the comment mad Max very angry. She stepped back and grabbed her sword and dagger. She walked back beside Max and looked over at him. He looked back at her and took her shoulders gently, facing her to him. "This is my fight Angel. I don't want you to get hurt. Stay here and stay low." Angel nodded and backed away feeling electricity flow throughout her body when he touched her.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max was furious he Couldn't Imagine why these guy's would say such things at the woman he had started to like, and enjoy her company very much.

Max grabbed angel and told her it was his fight not her's as he tried to hold back his mana, from charging his hand.

He slowly walked out and over the debris as the two small guy's approached him first, Max got a grin of pure evil on his face as his hand burst into a white light as he lunged at one, blocking his Blow with his sword as his left hand came up and cut right into the guys throaght paralysing him and killing him at the same time.

Max spun on his left foot as the other Guy tried to stab him in the side, he then followed through with a kick to the chest, and grabbing the guys head pushing as much mana into his brain as he could, trying to cut off all brain activity.

Just then he looked up at the big guy with the same evil grin and pure hatred coarsing through him. he dropped the guy at his side, and took off his cloak and threw it into the wind, watching it hit the ground with a big thud only a few feet behind him.

"And You!" Max said as he took off at a sprint, going faster then he thought he could. it must of been all that training. "MUST DIE!" Max screamed as his hand Erupted into a brilliant white light encircling his hand going to a point at one end.

Max dodged the guy's first blow, it seemed slower then normal, but he shoved his left arm into the guys arm, cutting off all brain activity to that limb as he went to spin on his left foot to try to end it fast, as the big guy brought his other fist over and connected with Max's side, sending him sprawling across the floor.

Max slowly stood up as he looked at the big guy, thrashing about cause he couldn't feel his arm, at that moment Max turned to angel "RUN! BEFORE HE .." It was to late, the guy punched the ground as hard as he could sending shockwaves and ruptures everywhere.

Max Jumped to avoid most of it and as he landed, he started jumping from one piece of earth to the next going towards the big guy. as he got close, he checked to make sure his hand was charged, as he punched the big guy right in the face, knocking him to the ground and dispersing all the mana he had charged up into the guys head,

As max got up and slowly walked back to angel's house, breathing heavily. his left arm stopped moving, fell limp and wouldn't move at all, it started throbbing with immense pain causing max to fall to his knee's and grab his arm.

[angelrosebladess]

Hearing Max yell to her, Angel went to run but stumbled feeling the earth move under her feet. She fell back and screamed as her house came falling down ontop of her. The last she heard was the sound of the house settling around her.

She thought she was dead as her mind went into a dream state. Memories of her past started flooding her memory as she lay beneath the rubble. Unsure if it was all just her mind trying to rid her of the pain from the house that lay ontop of her crushing her or if she was dying and it was her mind's way of helping her say goodbye.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max slowly stumbled to his feet as he stared at the rubble of Angel's house, only thinking is she under there or did she get out before it came down?

Max heard clapping coming from behind him as he slowly turned around, the was another guy there with his sword resting on his shoulder as he clapped his hand's. he was clad in what looked like all Brown leather with white stitching matching Max's almost identically, and he had a belt that sat crookedly on his hip's almost as if to say hey look at me, im a hot shot.

"Very nicely done there Maximillian, not many people can take out this big guy." He said as he slit the big guy's throaght killing him sooner then the paralysis touch would.

Max was wide eyes at this point as he got frightened.

"You .... You ... No it can't be" Max said as he stepped back slowly trying to see what he could use. he was all out of mana, unless he could take the remaining mana away from the corpses on the ground.

The guy just started Laughing

"Yes, it can and it is, i left the Bandit Clan shortly after you did, trying to follow in your footstep's as it were, the only thing is i dont have that paralysis touch ability of your's, but i do have ...." He went into a squatting pose as he flexed all his muscles and said "This!" as a Pulse of Mana erupted from him making the big guy roll on the ground and pushing Max back quite a few feet.

"Eric! How Could you leave? That clan was disbanded after Lord Antrio was Assasinated, i thought for sure you were going to take over, you were next in line after i left!"

"Well you see, Max. i killed Antrio, he was treating me like a Child and i needed to prove to him i was more then just a child in his eyes."

Max laughed and bent over the guy he had slit his throaght and put his right hand over the wound to drain the mana.

"You are Still a child, and you Assasinating Antrio over something like that, ..... Proves that you are nothing but a Child, no matter if your 20 30 or 40, You act like that you will Always! ... be a child!" Max said as he finished draining the mana and stood up while pointing his Sword at Eric, while trying desperatly to channel mana into his left arm, to try to get it to work. he was going to need it to fight Eric. he had gotten stronger since Max had left the Bandit Clan, maybe too much for Max to take alone.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel felt, what seem to her, a breeze blow arcross her face. The wood and stone that was piled ontop of her suddenly tore away with the wind. She coughed and looked seeing Max and another man standing infront of one another.

She noticed Max's arm was broken but realized she needed to make sure she was able to rise before she could go help him. She looked down at her legs and realized she wasn't able to move them. She cursed under her breath. She looked and saw rocks and sharp pointed sticks around her. She used her telekinsis and raised one of the rocks throwing it, with her mind, towards the other man, but accidently grazed Max's right arm.

As she threw the rock with her mind she saw a female spirit come to her. She felt as if she knew the spirit but couldn't quite place how or when. This time instead of a blur the spirit looked like a human only transparant. She spoke to her in the spirit language she's known her entire life. "Why do you come to me now? I must help my friend as much as possible. Why come now?" The spirit just looked at her not saying a word then looked at Angel's legs. "Yeah, I can't move them. I'm not sure why though. I can't even feel them."

The spirit gently touched her shoulder and Angel felt a surge of energy run thru her body. Then she fell unconcious from the heightened senses that the spirit gave her. She felt the pain even more now and her body shut down trying to avoid the pain.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max was still trying to Focus mana in his Left arm as he felt something whizz past his shoulder but couldn't see what it was, but he didnt have time to focus on that right now.

"Eric! i Don't care if you were too weak to handle how Antrio was, but i will never let u Live, after knowing that it was you who could him." Max said as he charged At Eric getting his sword for a swing from the ground up"He was like my Father and you KILLED HIM!"

Max said as he swung with all his might, meeting Eric's sword at his torso struggling to push further as he felt the mana start to enter his own nervous system.

"Maximillian, Prodigy of the Antrio Clan" Eric said as he started laughing hysterically, your nothing more then a .... ANT!" He said as he started focusing mana on his shoulder

Max jumped back and started running zig zag around him trying to see what he was gunna do, and give his left arm some time to absorb what little mana he had in him.

"Studying me wont fair you so well Maximillian!" Eric said as he flexed again sending another pulse flying towards Max, he stuck out his sword and set his right arm up to absorb Mana, and in doing so created his sword as a type of conductor sending the surge of mana throughout his body and sitting in his left arm

Max slowly moved his left arm up and grabbed hold of his sword, as he tested it out.

there was a delay in how it reacted, mana wasn't as good at transferring commands as the bodies nervous system was. and it couldn't move as fast as he would like, but he could still use it.

"What! how can you ..... i saw him ..... no it can't be! Eric said mumbling tying to figure out how Max was able to move his left arm and cancel out the pulse sent at him.

"You're not the only one who has gotten stronger since they left the bandit clan. Me protecting the weak and poor instead of robbing and killing them, has made me stronger then you could ever imagine!"

[angelrosebladess]

Angel awoke to the sound of Max screaming and looked down at her legs. She began moving them and smiled. She realized that spirit helped her and she looked to Max. She saw him fighting another man and looked around for her sword and dagger. She found it and got up pulling her sword out of the sheath and throwing the sheath into the rubble. She held her sword in her right and the dagger in her left. She walked towards Max and watched as he soaked up the mana from the other guy's shock waves.
She was in awe at his movements and quickness. She knew she could learn alot if she kept him around. Or at least until he decided to part ways with her. She awaited for him to tell her to join in. She wanted to see how far he could go with his arm hurting like it was. She knew his arm hurt because she could feel his pain. She looked around and used her telekinisis to move boards and toss them towards the other man watching as he deflected them and concentrated on max.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max didn't want to sound mean, but he couldn't Have angel interfere, this was a fight for honor and Pride

"Angel! Stay Back and don't do Anything, This is My fight Not yours!!"

Max rushed at Eric and swung across Eric's Chest, Eric Blocked and went to knee Max in the Chest but Max already had his next move on the go, he kicked out at Eric's foot knocking him off balance, and forcing him to the ground, as he Disarmed Eric and himself from the force of them hitting the Ground.

Max began to Beat Eric in the face with his right Fist, not stopping tell Eric swung and connected with Max's jaw sending him sprawling across the debris field.

Max got up and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, as Eric got to his feet and rubbed his cheek "Well Now Max is that the best you can offer?"

Max was shocked as he saw Eric just casually stand there.

"Hmm" Max said as he put all his weight on his right foot "Look's like you used your Mana to absorb most of the impact of my blow's, you really have tried to follow in my foot steps havent you?"

"And what would you know about me then? you knew me as a child i am a adult now"

Max pushed off with his right foot going right into Eric's face, grabbing him by his throat and lifting him into the air.

"You are nothing but a Child to me and always will be!" Max said as he looked into Eric's eyes with rage as he started to squeeze Eric's Throat. "And don't you Ever forget that!"

[angelrosebladess]

"Angel! Stay Back and don't do Anything, This is My fight Not yours!!"

Angel watched as the fight between the two men continued. She stopped hurling things and instead began going through the debris of what use to be her home for anything she could salvage. She found a blanket and some food and clothes she could put in it as well as some herbs and books she had.

She looked towards the fighting again and saw that Max had the other man by the throat. Angel bowed her head and knew she must part ways from him while she could. She needed to finish her quest in finding her parents. Regardless if she wanted him to join her, she needed to move on. She knew she was only going to be in this place for a little while for rest and meditation.

She gathered what weapons she could and began walking away from her home into town to buy more food before she actually set out on her quest.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max couldn't control himself, it was as if rage had over come him.

Eric coughed and kicked Max in the knee followed by a punch to the face as Max stumbled back.

"Max you Crazy son of a" Eric said as he held his throat coughing heavily

Max smiled as he regained balance as he slowly walked towards Eric

"Unfortunately for you i'm not done yet!" Eric said as a Pulse was sent flying from Eric sending Max soaring through the air into the debris field of Angel's house sending a piece of wood threw Max's Left arm completely getting rid of all the mana that was in his nerves, overwhelming Max with pain

Max couldn't help it, he let out a huge blood curtling scream of agony as Eric picked up Max's sword and walked over to him.

"You know, you actually have a decent sword here. it's such a shame you have to die by it" Eric said as he pointed it at Max's chest and was getting ready to shove the sword through his chest.

out if instinct Max's right arm grabbed a piece of wood and just blindly shoved it into Eric,before closing his eyes out of fear, that he might actually die here.

Max opened his eyes, to see his sword resting on his Chest, the Piece of wood sticking out of his left arm, and the piece of wood going through Eric's left arm and into his neck. Max was shaking. he closed his eyes to try and calm down, but drifted off to sleep.

[angelrosebladess]

Angel realized she left her cloak, the one that she was wrapped in when she was left on the streets by her parents. She believed it was her mother's cloak and it kept her warm on those cold days and dry when a rain storm came.

She headed back to the rubbles of what was once her home. It angered her very much being that someone destroyed it because they wanted revenge on someone like Max. What was it he had done to them to make them come after him that way? She pondered on this as she walked up on the rubble of her home. She looked up and saw the man that Max was fighting laying next to max in the rubble.

She stood there unsure if Max was alive of dead. She didn't see him breathing. She walked over to him and knelt beside him. She looked and saw her cloak and grabbed it. She placed it under his head. She sat patiently and waited.

[Lady Blackwell]

Max opened his eyes slowly, he had no idea exactly where he was, but he knew he was alive, At least he thought he was. As he went to sit up he screamed out in pain realizing his left arm was broken, and he was all out of mana, both were serious issue's for him.

He looked down at Eric as he spotted a piece of paper in his pocket and took it out, it read:

--------------------------------------------------------

Eric i got a Job for you to do, and i think you are the only one who can do it.

I need you to go track down, assess, and kill Maximillian Cannon, send me reports when you have found him, and when you have assessed his power's and if you succeed at killing him i want his head.

He betrayed the clan and i won't stand for it, say what you have to and kill him otherwise don't come back.

--------------------------------------------------------

it was signed by Antrio in his own little signature he always used to put at the end of the page.

Max got furious and crushed the note in his right hand.

"Angel, i am sorry about your house and about what has happened here but i have to get going, i am sure one day we will meet up again, we may not know who each other are, but we will meet again." Max lowered his head and grabbed Eric's sword and his own sword and sheathed both of them as he walked off the pile of debris and grabbed his cloak, and placed his foot on either piece of log and ripped them off.

He slowly walked away as both sword hilt's rattled together as he had his cape draped over his left side. his arm may never be the same, but he had to go deal with Antrio himself, he was back stabbed and lied to, if it was one thing he learned in the Bandit clan was expect the unexpected. he wasn't expecting Antrio to be alive, cause after all he was told he was dead, But Antrio must pay for what he has down max thought to himself as he stopped in the middle of a path and looked at his feet.

This is my closing post. All i request is the ability to have my 'Mana' that circles my hand be able to cut the same as a iron short sword. my hand can be cut from another sword but only with something higher then steel and with alot of force with steel or below. Aswell as another steel long sword

[angelrosebladess]

"Angel, i am sorry about your house and about what has happened here but i have to get going, i am sure one day we will meet up again, we may not know who each other are, but we will meet again."

Angel nodded and shrugged. "I was getting tired of it anyhow. I must continue onward. Take care of yourself Max." She watched as he left out of her life. She had a feeling they would meet again but this time they might meet as enemies.

She gathered her things and set out on her way not looking back. She needed to find her parents and figure out why they left her like they did and after she finds out she must destroy them. To her they are her enemies and not her family.

[angelrosebladess]

"Angel, i am sorry about your house and about what has happened here but i have to get going, i am sure one day we will meet up again, we may not know who each other are, but we will meet again."

Angel nodded and shrugged. "I was getting tired of it anyhow. I must continue onward. Take care of yourself Max." She watched as he left out of her life. She had a feeling they would meet again but this time they might meet as enemies.

She gathered her things and set out on her way not looking back. She needed to find her parents and figure out why they left her like they did and after she finds out she must destroy them. To her they are her enemies and not her family.[/QUOTE]

[Taskmienster]

Angel Rose debates


I have an addiction… it’s to judging. :p

I’ll be taking this thread for you today! You are always welcome to send me a PM to get further help or further commentary, or to complain (haha) about whatever it is I put in this judgment. I’m always open to help whenever possible, and since you asked just for areas of improvement and suggestions I’m going to be doing that. If you did something wrong a whole lot, I’ll mention it a couple of times and then tell you to go back to the comments made that I quoted. This isn’t a detailed judgment, so I won’t be quoting everything, though if I quote something and miss other things it isn’t because I don’t see it… it’s because it would make the judgment like… 9 pages long instead of only 5. Also, I’m going to be quoting things like this: “[enter quote here]” [what post it came from] ~. I hope that helps! Now, onto the judgment!

Also, don’t be discouraged by the score… take the comments to heart. Most of what you both should do is go over your posts and read them again. Take some time and just edit them after you post. You can fix almost every mechanical error by just reading over it, capitalizing what you should, not capitalizing what you shouldn’t, and running it through a word processor or similar program will pick up most of those.


STORY (7/30)

~ Continuity ~ 2
Angel Rose:
I didn’t really get a good feel of who your character is, where she came from, why she is where she is, or what her purpose for being there is. Remember that the reader doesn’t know the background, where you are, or what you have planned. It helps out a lot of other categories in the judgment, as well as the story itself.

Bandit Brother:
You didn’t really give anything I commented on for Angel either… in your 6th post you had some kind of flashback, but the people you introduced you did not explain who they were or why you were seeing them.

~ Setting ~ 2
Other than a few very spotty times, neither of you really said anything about the setting. What you did say was very single-minded in a way, like you only added anything to the setting when it directly involved either of you. You don’t have to add setting only when it affects the character. If the reader does not feel like they can picture themselves in the setting, like it’s a real place, than the setting needs to be added. When you have nothing to write about, or even when you have something to write about, it’s still best to add at least a little bit of setting.

~ Pacing ~ 3
Angel Rose:
Post 13 was short, with nothing really to add to the story… so it threw off the pacing. You can always add in setting and personality

Bandit Brother:
“"If you were smart, you wouldn't still be standing there" Max said as he rushed at one and stabbed it through the stomach.” [4] ~ What? Why? They were described as beggar’s, not people that posed threats. Why would you stab them? Also, there should be a comma: “…standing there[,]” Max… After you killed one, the other beggars attacked? WHY!?


CHARACTER (4.5/30)

~ Dialogue ~ 2.5
Angel Rose:
“"Nah, i just feel bare without these on me, i sleep walk eat and relax with all of this one, i feel like a horse without it's legs." Max said as he got a big smirk on his face as he went to wipe his mouth. Angel smiled and nodded as she began eating the breakfast he had took the time to make for her. "Thank you for the breakfast. You didn't have to do this. At least I didn't expect you to."” [11] ~ You did the same thing, forgot to capitalize I multiple times, wrote the dialogue that was just posted, and then put your own dialogue at the end. Since you shouldn’t copy and paste dialogue, it would have been fine to put yours at the end. However, with it copied and pasted, it makes it seem that BB said both parts, separation between separate people speaking is pivotal to know who is talking.

This was REALLY bad in the 29th post… when it was just almost impossible to discern who you were talking to and who was saying what.

Bandit Brother:
“"I guess you're going to be leaving then.. You are all ready to go." she said as she sighed.” [10] ~ You don’t have to repeat what the other person just said, since the reader already read it. You can just write your response and maybe a reaction to what was said… it makes it flow better by far.

~ Action~ 0 (due to powergaming)
Bandit Brother:
“charging his hand with enough mana to numb the area of the wound.” [6] ~ You did this in the battle I judged as well… YOU DON’T HAVE THIS ABILITY! Stop using it. It’s not in your profile, it wasn’t an approved use of the mana power, so it’s powergaming.

“even if it meant infusing his blood with mana, to make it so he doesn't feel as much throbbing pain.” [32]~ You don’t have this ability either.

Your fight scenes feel A LOT like dbz/naruto fight scenes… “Oh no’s! “ “Oh yess!” “I taunts you!” “I can’t stands it!” And then grossly overpowered attacks from the opponents with only one person standing against them, get the damsel in distress out of the way, and fight your way to win against unimaginable and unrealistic odds. The guy with the ability to crush the ground alone would take out most characters, especially if they are level 0.

Angel Rose:
“The spirit gently touched her shoulder and Angel felt a surge of energy run thru her body. Then she fell unconcious from the heightened senses that the spirit gave her. She felt the pain even more now and her body shut down trying to avoid the pain.” [43] ~ You don’t have this ability approved…

~ Persona ~ 2
Bandit Brother:
“"You killed boss" The big guy said in a very dumb henchmen sounding voice, Max knew this guy was probably strong, the dumb ones always were.” [20] ~ Really? Are you srys? “You killed boss” is the most cliché big henchman thing to possible write. Please, not everyone that is big and muscular and has some position of either influence or power within a group is going to be stupid…

Your entire 30th post was REALLY no different than when Naruto learned that one twisty hand attack thing…


WRITING STYLE (5/30)

~ Technique ~ .5
I was going to leave this blank, because there was no technique used to comment on… however I figured I’d put something here. Try and use advanced techniques to spice up the thread, make it more artistic and pleasing, and it’ll go a long way. You don’t need huge metaphors every post, but a simple simile every so often, or a small alliteration goes a long way.

~ Mechanics ~ 1.5
Angel Rose:
“As she looked into the window Angel Rose debated if she should enter or not.” [1] ~ When you write things like this, make sure to figure out where the pause is instead of just assuming that the reader can find it. There should have been a comma after ‘window’.

“She stood there looking at the 4 beggers behinder her and saw the figure between them and her and figured he wanted a piece of her too.” [3] ~ “beggers” should be “beggars”; “behinder” should be “behind”. You also did not spell out “four”, but put ‘4’ instead. Commas should be between “there looking”, “her[,] and figure[d]”. You also have the habit of putting “her” way too much in a single sentence. I’d suggest using other synonyms for the pronoun instead, like your name or something you attribute to the character.

“He is, after all, just another stranger, but some how he was different.” [9] ~ “He is” should be “He was” to avoid tense confusion between present and past tense. “some how” should also be “somehow”.

You also have the habit of not capitalizing the beginning of every sentence.


Bandit Brother:
“Max was idolly walking through a town, as her saw a young woman looking into the window of the tavern, he stopped and looked at her, she had long black hair, and when she turned to walk past him he saw how stunning she looked. and as she went down the street some what.” [2] ~ This is a very long run-on sentence. You can split it up easily by reading over it, and figuring out where a comma is good and when you could go with a period and start a new sentence instead. Also, idolly should be idly. The second part of this, that being after the period, should be changed as well. It’s best not to start a sentence with a conjunction (and, but, or), it should be capitalized since it’s the first word either way, and “some what” should be ‘somewhat’.

The above thing happens quite a bit. There are a few sentences in just the first couple pages where you don’t capitalize the first word, start with “and”, as well as capitalize words that don’t need to be and shouldn’t be capitalized.

Multiple times you didn’t capitalize the first word of a sentence, or your characters name. (Really… you NEED to capitalize the beginning of every sentence! It is the way the English language works, it is the way grammar itself works…) It is also required to capitalize “I”… just another grammar rule. You also missed a lot of comma’s and periods as well. You should also not put the numerical values (such as 3 or 4) but should spell them out (such as three or four).

“he say a bed, with a lump in it, it looked almost as if someone was sleeping.” [8] ~ “he” should be capitalized. “say” should be “saw”.

“so my service is at your will" Max said with a bow as he re adjusted his belt and walked over to a window, leaned on the wall beside it, and casually peered out.” [12] ~ “so” should have been capitalized, there should be a comma at the end of the dialogue, and “re adjusted” should be “readjusted”.

“"Well my name is Max, i saved u cause i was admiring your beauty when i heard them say something bout you would do good, i had no choice but to intervine, i thought it was just the one from the rooftop, but when i say the others on the ground i had no choice but to jump down and help you.” [14] ~ I should be CAPITALIZED! “u” should be spelt out, this isn’t a text… it’s an rp thread. “intervine” should be “intervene”. It is also a long run-on.

“Mac smiled as he watched her brush off his hand, andwent and got her stuff ready then walked out the door.” [20] ~ You spelt your own character’s name wrong… and didn’t put a space between “andwent”.

~ Clarity ~ 3
Angel Rose:
Remember to put a space between each new paragraph so it doesn’t get all muddled together, it makes it hard to read.

Both of you made numerous mistakes, so many that it was really hard to follow most of the time.


WILD CARD!!! 5



TOTAL

(21.5/100)


GAINS/REWARDS!

Angel Rose: 275 exp | 100 gold

Bandit Brother: 270 exp | 70 gold (One steel, common long sword approved. New mana ability NOT approved)

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added!