Choices

[Rahegalhoff]

He sat at the bar, alone, so terribly alone. His brown hair fading to white, and sometimes back to brown. His eyes held questions in them, seeking answers he had no answer to. A wound, greater than any should ever have to feel pervaded his presence; a loss of innocence he could never get back. One hand rested on a tankard of fine Coronian ale, the other on his sword, belted at his side. His leather armor, studded for extra protection, creaked slightly. He must’ve been a knight, but not a very experienced one, for he bore a shield, currently strapped to his back. It was steel, and studded with spikes.

The bartender looked at him briefly, to make sure he didn’t need anything, and then looked away, uncomfortable in the depressed man’s presence. There was a small circle around the man, a space unoccupied by anyone. He looked at the bath house occasionally, as though expecting someone.

“By the gods she takes awhile to bathe.” The man said, speaking quietly. His voice held the barest hint of a warble.
“Need anything sir?” the bartender asked, to check on the lone man at the end of the bar before heading all the way down to the more heavily occupied other end.
“Yes, I need to know, was it fate? Was it meant to be, that she’d be taken away from me, and transformed? Was it the will of some dark power that I would have to kill my own son in defense of not only my own life but to keep the natural order of things? Was it fate that my entire life should be transformed a few mere years ago? Am I still a farmer? Am I a warrior? Most importantly, who do I thank for all that’s befallen me?” he asked, revealing the thoughts running through his head.
“I, I don’t know sir.” The barkeep said, and practically fled to the far end of the room, leaving the man alone with his thoughts.

OOC: So, there’s not going to be any fighting, at least I don’t want there to be. No, this thread has an ulterior motive. In addition to reintroducing raggy, this thread will help me decide his path. I have two very excellent paths to take him on, but no clue which to follow. So based solely on interaction, I’m going to use this thread to decide. A philosophical sort of character would be greatly appreciated, but is not necessary.

[Rahegalhoff]

Finally, a woman with white hair, white skin, bearing flecks of gold all over her body emerged. It was difficult to tell if she wore clothes or not, for they bore the exact same pattern her robes did. She sat in a booth, and Rahegalhoff joined her.

“You ssseem upssset, isss it the carnival?” she asked. She lisped her s sounds as though she were a snake if some sort. This is infact the truth, for she was the self-styled queen of the snakes. She had the power to become a snake at will, and had the tendency to speak as though she were a hissing snake.

“It’s a lot of things. I am lost and doubting, finding no answers.” Rahegalhoff said.
“Tell me what’sss really bothering you. Not jussst the sssame old anssswersss you alwaysss give me.”

“Fine, What is the truth? What’s really out there? We’re raised with stories of gods, legendary heroes, and other assorted such figures. But I must question if they really exist. Tell me, Aspen dear, if the gods really existed, aside from N’jal who wouldn’t have helped me anyway, but the others, who supposedly take an interest in our affairs, if they actually exist, why didn’t they help me? Why did they let me beg and plead for their assistance while I was fighting to be free and save you and Corin?” Rahegalhoff asked, the need for an answer in his voice.

“I know not. Perhapsss they had their reasssonsss?” Aspen asked.
“Yeah, reasons. Same tired old answer priests give me. Oh they work in mysterious ways, they had their reasons. Trust in them, believe in them. The gods don’t really care; they just want your faith so they can be more powerful.” Rahegalhoff said in a mocking tone.

“Then maybe they don’t exissst?” Aspen asked.
“Or just don’t care. I remember a traveling missionary was talking about a powerful god once, called the Omni. Well then Omni, answer me this, if you love and care about us so much, why did you stand by and let my family be slaughtered before my eyes? If you’re so all knowing, why didn’t you warn us so that we might flee, or make defenses? If you’re so all powerful, then why didn’t you lift a single damn finger to help me when I needed it most? If you’re all you say you are, why do you stand by while there’s so much pain and suffering in the world?” Rahegalhoff growled, as though chewing out an invisible third member of the table.

[Rahegalhoff]

Rahegalhoff had sat in silence, watching the bar. People came, people left, deals were struck, and adventures were begun.

"I wonder, of all the things happening in this bar tonight, how many are criminal? How many people are going to suffer because of things happening in this bar tonight?" he asked.

"I don't know, but perhapsss none will sssuffer. It isss posssible for eventsss to happen without any sssuffering at all." Aspen said, trying to be helpful.

"Right. So then, if an evil wizard is turned out of his tower and destroyed, does he not suffer?" Rahegalhoff asked.

"Well, yesss, but isssn't he sssupossed to sssuffer?" Aspen asked.

"Is he? Consider that though they are evil, despots, tyrants, evil wizards, they all keep order. It might be through fear, but they keep order. If a criminal is frightened to commit a crime because he knows he could find himself enslaved to a demon for eternity, has not an evil person then done good through fear? If people could be trusted to do the right thing, then why is there crime? Why is there war and strife? If evil could be turned around, if it were possible to rehabilitate criminal activity, why do we have it? Why are innocent people killed?" Rahegalhoff asked.

"Perhapsss there are no innocent people." Aspen said, trying her best to be helpful.

Rahegalhoff looked at her like she had just spoken divine truth. In a single second, one man's entire mindset had been changed by a few simple words.

"You are absolutely right. I'm not innocent. I could have let that knight spend the night. Been a gracious host. I should have done that. I got my just punishment when I was bereaved of you and Corin. I was not a good father, I said no to too many things, and warped Corin's mind with false ideals about truth and justice, and the truth is, there is no justice. I realise that now. My just punishment was to fix the monster I had created."

[Rahegalhoff]

"Dear, don't be ssso hard on yourssself!" Aspen said worriedly.

"But the truth is a hard thing to bear. I failed you once, I shall not do so again." Rahegalhoff said.

He swept aside his empty ale cup, brought over with him from the bar.
"No more alcohol, it clouds the mind and obscures good judgment. From now on, only that which is good for the body."

"Sssomething more isss bothering you, I can tell." Aspen said, prodding to get to the core of what was upsetting her husband.

Rahegalhoff simply smiled.

"I've come to realize that all those stories about paladins are just that, stories. A child's fancy to reaffirm some false notion that Justice actually exists, and that there are those willing to enforce it. If Justice exists, then why is there civil war here in Corone? Why is Xem'zund terrorizing the known world? Why is there strife in the church of the sway? Why? I'll tell you why, because there is no justice." Rahegalhoff said, a new tone rising inside him.

"But there could be Jussstice." Aspen said, realising Rahegalhoff was going down a dark and evil path.

"Yes, there could be Justice. There could be Justice, if someone were willing to enforce it. Who is more guilty, the robber who steals an apple to feed his family, or the merchant who greedily demands money for his apple?" Rahegalhoff asked.

"The robber. The merchant needsss the money for hisss family." Aspen replied confidently.

"Close, but no. Their both guilty. The robber is guilty for stealing in the first place, it wasn't his apple to steal. The merchant is guilty for withholding food from the hungry. The farmer is guilty for not sharing of his bountiful crops, demanding money for what others need. Society as a whole is guilty for encouraging this behavior. The robber is doubly guilty because if he is robbing, then he must be too poor to afford it, thus not fitting in with the expectations and demands of society. Unless he is secretly rich and just robbing for the fun of it, then he is thrice damned, once for theft, once for obviously hoarding money from the poor, and once for lying. They all need to pay in measure equal to their guilt. Let the farmer's crops be burned, the merchant's family be taken away, and the robber beaten to death with a nine tailed whip. Then Justice will have been served."

"And what of Sssociety?" Aspen asked with a sigh, knowing she couldn't save him.

"Let Society burn in the fires of wrath. It's defeat is inevitable." Rahegalhoff said.

A dark smile spread across his face and stayed there.

[Rahegalhoff]

"Mind if I join you?" asked a man dressed in black monk robes.
"It depends, who are you, and what do you want?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"I am Nobody, and I want Nothing. But such things are difficult to fathom. So refer to me as Brother Ben, and as for what I want, I want the honor of sitting with someone who so truly understands the evils in the world today." the man said.
"You have my interest, Ben." Rahegalhoff said.

Aspen scooted over and Ben sat next to her, his hands folded on the table infront of him.
His robes were of blackest night. He bore no ornamentation of any kind, and his hood was pulled over his face.
"Now, why you got your hood over your face like that, hiding from the law?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"You could say that. I keep my hood down because my face is, wrong, and I cannot seem to get it right again. Muscles are in the wrong places, my eyes are crooked and misaligned, and my jaw is slanted. No magic I've tried works. I can't even regrow my missing nose." Ben said, describing his face.
"You poor man!" Aspen cried, throwing her arms around him for a quick hug.

"Now, let's cut the small talk, what do you really want? What sort of a man would take the time and trouble of joining a stranger's table in a bar just to sit with him?"

"As I said before, you understand what's wrong with the world. I am of an order that seeks to right those very wrongs." Ben said.
"Oh, and you want me to join you is that it? Not interested." Rahegalhoff said.
"By The Outer Darkness I do not wish you to join us! If I was simply out for recruitment, I would not approach a man I had no chance of swaying. I know I can't convert you, no matter how hard I try. Besides, your too old. We primarily accept children, their more receptive of education." Ben said.
"Oh, I see. Well, what is your order's name? And, what is The Outer Darkness?" Rahegalhoff asked.

"Your answer to your first is rather easy, We are the servants of The Outer Darkness, known as The Brotherhood of Darkness. The Outer Darkness is known by many names, and bears many forms. But I already described it to you earlier, for it is literally Nobody, and Nothing. That is, The Outer Darkness is Nothingness, pure and absolute." Ben said.

"HAH! I want to fix Althanas, not Destroy it." Rahegalhoff said grinning.
"So does The Outer Darkness. Some will tell you it merely wishes Destruction, but that is a lie, and a misconception. If a carpenter is building a chair, and he notices a crack in one of his boards, does he simply add it in and hope for the best? Does he take the life of his customers as a jest? What if it's his own family he's building for, wouldn't he want the chair to be perfect? Would he teach his apprentices such poor craftsmanship? No, he would take the board away, and cut away the flaw so that the remainder may be made for something better, something perfect in and of itself. As for the chair, he inserts a new board, a whole board in its place.

The Thayne have built this world, yes. But they left so many flaws in it, that it is dangerous to exist in. People slave their lives away at tasks that are ultimately pointless, and meaningless. Who remembers the good honest hard working farmer, that lived and died on his farm? History doesn't. Society doesn't. The gods don't. They don't care. Nobody cares, Nobody watches, Nobody listens, and Nobody is trying to fix the flaws in this world." Ben said.


"So if Nobody, that is, The Outer Darkness is trying so hard to fix this world, why didn't he save my family when I cried out for help. I didn't care who helped me, It could have been N'jal herself for all I cared. I just didn't want to lose my family." Rahegalhoff asked, challenging the man's beliefs with what he knew.

[Rahegalhoff]

"Good sir, if you have lost your good lady wife, then who is this sitting beside me?" Ben asked confused.
"I wasss the wife he lossst. He went to the afterlife looking for me. By that time I had been given a different form. As for our ssson, he was dessstroyed, in a violent ssstorm." Aspen said.
"I see. Well, remember that analogy I used? Well, The thayne don't actually want The Outer Darkness's help. Their trying to repel The Outer Darkness and keep this flawed world as it is. They don't want to give their creations perfection and happiness. They don't want to care for the little guy. Though you called and prayed, and I'm sure he heard you, The Outer Darkness is being held back by The Thayne, and our archnemesis, the so called Omnisource. The Omni is the worst offender of them all, encouraging their flaws." Ben said.

Rahegalhoff clenched his fist.
"So someone actually cares, and he's being held back?" Rahegalhoff asked quietly, outraged by the notion.

"Yes." Ben said.
"Someone should help him." Rahegalhoff said, tightening his fist even tighter.
"We've tried, but no one seems to be able to, or want to." Ben said with a sigh, lamenting The Outer Darkness's struggle.

Rahegalhoff pounded his fist on the table.
Aspen was glad they were back in the secluded corner. Everyone was too busy with their own agendas to pay attention to them. She realized Ben was pushing Rahegalhoff towards the darkside. Not pushing, more like holding out a hand to help him along. She knew she might eventually regret the decision later, after seeing innocent people hurt, and Rahegalhoff perpetuate the very same crimes he was angry about, but she decided to push him that last final step.
"Then perhapsss dear, you ssshould lend your sssword to the cause, and fight on The Outer Dark'sss behalf." she said.
Ben was surprised, but being his behind the hood of his robes, none could tell. Secretly, Ben thought he'd have to work harder to coerce them into joining.
"And that's what you've wanted all along." Rahegalhoff said, scowling at Ben. A fire burned in his eyes, the desire to spread Justice in all it's forms accross the lands. The desire to not be a nameless nobody in history, to correct all that he saw was wrong. The desire was so strong, that it thoroughly intimidated Ben.
Ben hung his head, embarassed he had been caught.
"Yes." he said quietly.
"Well amen Brother Ben! Thank the Darkness for finally admitting the truth. Now here's some truth for you, I'm no one's mercenary." He said, releasing his scowl, but retaining that same dark creepy smile that spread across his face earlier. He felt like the cat that just caught the rat in the far corner. He could see it there with the rat tail hanging out of it's mouth, pleased with itself. Rahegalhoff felt the same way, pleased.

He could finally see the beginnings of a path for himself, and in the process caught a rat trying to use him. Now to bargain himself into a position of superiority.

[Rahegalhoff]

Behind his hood, Ben smiled.
"I'm sorry I tried to use you like that. It was wrong of me, and I do apologize sir. I beg your forgiveness." he said.
"Perhaps you should go then." Aspen said crisply, upset that ben tried to use them.
Ben made a move to get up and go, but Rahegalhoff restrained him.
"I said I was no one's Mercenary, but I never said I wouldn't help. Mercenaries are vile worms that sell their morals to the highest bidder. I will do no such thing." Rahegalhoff said. Ben retained his seat, pleased.
"Of course sir, I wouldn't expect anything less. But rogue Knight sounds, silly for someone bringing justice to the world. Why, we'd have to give you a new title at the monastery. How about Paladin? Wouldn't you like to be a Paladin?" Ben asked.
"Paladins are jokes, and even worse than Mercenaries, spreading the false notions of justice of whatever deity they serve. They are pawns of children's stories, always slaying the fierce dragon to save the fair princess. The forces that call themselves good would likely be afraid of me if I were to actually deal justice, calling me a criminal, or some other such notion, but such is the price I must pay for true justice. No, if I am to receive some sort of title, it must be one that is synonymous with dark and scary things, for that is what real justice is. For I will become a knight of doom in their eyes. Yes, a Knight of doom, a doomknight. A Dark Anti-Paladin. That will be my title, Doomknight." Rahegalhoff said, clearly knowing where this path would take him, and he seemed to embrace it.
"You'll always be a hero to me." Aspen said, taking Rahegalhoff's hand in hers.

"Thank you Aspen. No, if I am to assist The Outer Darkness, then I shall require an equally intimidating War Stallion, with a black coat, and black mane. On top of that, I shall require knowledge and training in the advanced arts of combat, mounted, and unmounted, And Better Armor, shield and sword. In short, a complete upgrade." Rahegalhoff said.

Ben folded his hands and twiddled his thumbs, apparently thinking it over.
"We are not a charity. Certainly we have warriors aplenty who can share their knowledge and train you, but a mount and equipment you have to earn on your own." Ben said.

[Rahegalhoff]

Rahegalhoff shook his head.
"I'm not just going to be some hired hand. If I commit to helping The Outer Darkness, I plan on committing fully. I don't think it's asking that much to be assisted with becoming the best warrior I can." Rahegalhoff said.
"It's not a matter of assisting. Do you think it fair that we should just simply give it to you without you even earning the right to it?" Ben asked.
"Earning the right? How much earning am I going to do in Leather armor? If I am to become any sort of a powerful knight at all, I need full Plate mail armor. In Adamantine if possible." Rahegalhoff said.
"ADAMANTINE! You'd have to do a lot to earn full Adamantine Plate Mail armor. Perhaps a chest piece, or something, but Adamantine!"
"Well, how much do you think Potential is worth?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"Look, we could maybe help you obtain full armor in steel, but you'd still have to earn it. It's pretty heavy besides, carrying all that weight around. You're not even strong enough for it yet, I can tell. Your jumping ahead of yourself." Ben said worriedly.
"So, what, you want me to stand around and guard a door while you feed me BS about how I'm doing something important, I'm helping?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"No, but we certainly couldn't send you into the field before you were ready." Ben said.
"I see, so you want me to train for ten or so years and send me out when I'm past my prime." Rahegalhoff said.
"We just want to be sure you're ready." Ben said.
"I understand. If that's your official position on the subject, then these negotiations are over."

[Rahegalhoff]

Ben sighed, as though in defeat.
"Alright, we'll give it all to you, but only as you earn it. We won't just keep you at the monastery either. But only if The Outer Darkness itself approves of you. But to meet The Outer Darkness, you must first meet the approval of his Queen, The Dark Priestess. She leads our order." Ben said.
"So, let me get this straight, your going to give a nobody farmer turned warrior equipment, training, a horse, and a title worthy of a great and powerful knight if I meet with the approval of your superiors. Why?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"Certainly not for who you are now. We want who your going to become. In time, your name will be murmured in fear by every living and dead soul across Althanas. In time, Armies will quake in fear at the coming of Legion, and the fires of your wrath will burn across Althanas. This was going to happen with or without our help. We want that power on our side. So we're willing to bend over backwards to help you, if that means securing your allegiance." Ben said.
"I see. And this Outer Dark and Dark Priestess, they don't care either way?" Rahegalhoff asked.
"It takes far more than determination and what will be to impress them." Ben said.
"Just as well, it takes more than power to impress me. The entire deal it seems, hangs on meeting them." Rahegalhoff said.
"Yes, but unless you agree to the deal, they won't meet with you at all." Ben said.
"Alright then, I agree." Rahegalhoff said, holding out his hand. Ben grabbed it and shook it.
"To find our monastery, travel only at night, and only towards where The Darkness is greatest. You'll find my brother monks along the way. I shall inform them of your coming, and they in turn shall direct you further to the hidden nameless city, wherever it is that day." Ben said. He stood, and walked toward the door, and disappeared into the night.

As he walked away, Ben lifted his hood to reveal that he was a woman, with black hair and white skin. She was very beautiful.
"Pawned." she said to no one in particular, smiling for reasons only she knew. Her voice, when she wasn't using her magic to disguise it, was very lovely.
"Excuse me ma'am, what's your name, so I know who I just fell in love with?" asked a rider going her same direction.
"Jiralyn, The Dark Priestess."

[Rahegalhoff]

Rahegalhoff sat for several minutes more, thinking.
"I think I've just been taken by Ben. You notice how easily he gave in? Either he's not telling me something, or this monastic order is incredibly weak willed. I think the order is just some crazy old wizard who's beguiled a bunch of hooligans into doing his dirty work. I'll go, meet with him, then probably call the whole thing off. I do owe Ben a thank you though, his words gave me direction. I shall bring justice to the world. I wonder what Legion is though. He mentioned armies being afraid of it, whatever it was. If the wizard does have anything worth taking, I'll probably do a task or two for him and then claim it as the spoils of war." Rahegalhoff said.
Aspen heaved a sigh of relief.
"You had me going there. I thought thisss wasss ssserious." Aspen said.
"Right, as though I'm going to become all that fearsome, or dark, or terrible. You know me, I'd never harm anyone." Rahegalhoff said.

In his minds eye though, he imagined hurting the people in the bar, of killing them, of spilling their blood. He knew they were all going to commit crimes over the next few days. That's what adventuring was about. Committing a crime. Steal this from this temple, murder this person for this person. Though less criminal, quests to take things other places often involved subterfuge and less than honest activity. It didn't matter that no one had done anything yet, and everyone in the bar was completely honest. Rahegalhoff simply assumed they were going to do something. He remembered seeing his family, dead on the ground, his farm burning around them.

These patrons were going to do the same thing to other people. He had to stop them before they started. He couldn't let innocent people suffer, and if that meant killing other innocent people, then so be it. Prevention was more important than rehabilitation or deterring the crime. Death was the only obvious solution, yes, death. He remembered the title he had made up for the order to give him. Doomknight. Yes, he would become a doomknight, and bring doom. Maybe if he killed enough criminals, or would be criminals, he would stop seeing his own family dead before his eyes.

That was all he was seeing now. His wife and son, their bodies burning before him. He was helpless. His mind wandered back to when he was trapped in the Anti-firmament. He remembered the terrifying image of him in black armor, the very man who killed his family. Was that him as a doomknight?

Rahegalhoff shook his head. He could see the bar burning around him, the people slaughtered and dead. Part of him realized he was delusional, that none of this was real, but the rest of him wanted it to be real. Through imaginary flames he walked through the door. He owed Ben a deep debt of gratitude indeed, for he knew the path to his salvation, and it lay upon a road of blood running through fire.

He would bring the justice he so greatly desired to Althanas, no matter what that meant. Eventually, he wouldn't be haunted by his memories. Eventually he would become what Ben said he would become.

This day should be marked in History, Rahegalhoff thought as Aspen ran after him, for this is the day I die as a farmer, and am reborn as a Doomknight.

The End.

[Letho]

General Notes: As requested, I’m using the condensed rubric for this one.

STORY – 6/10

There were some details of the story that could’ve been presented in a better way, especially regarding the history of the characters. Aspen, for example, appears at the very beginning of the thread where you merely say that she’s a snake queen. Later you mention that she was his wife, that she had been in hell and that Rahegalhoff saved her. These are some very important details that you present as if they were a trifle matter, using a mere sentence or two to refer to it. Now, I’m not saying that you should go on and on about the details, but adding some additional content, maybe a retrospective of sorts, would complete the story and add depth to the characters. Other than that, the story was rather good. The tale of the good man’s fall from grace is always an interesting thing to write about and you did well to present Rahegalhoff's struggle with his choices, though at times he felt a bit bland. But more on that in the next segment.

CHARACTER – 4/10

See, the problem here wasn’t that there was no depth to Rahegalhoff. You establish him as this dark martyr early on with his rants. However, once Ben comes into the picture, I really didn't see much depth to the characters anymore and I'll tell you why. It's the dialogue. You see, this thread had a lot of it, and that's not a bad thing. What's bad is that there was almost nothing to link it together. People make gestures, they pause, change their intonation, they dwell on things spoken. And when they do, you as a writer are supposed to give the reader a deeper insight into it. So when Rahegalhoff is annoyed, don’t just say that he slams his fist against the table and leave it at that. Describe his state of mind, describe how his face changes, how Aspen jumped at his reaction and how a patron in the back of the bar raised his head at the sound of the fist hitting the table. A few select details make all the difference in the world. Oh, and the Dark Priestess saying “pawned”... Not something befitting her character or pretty much any character on Althanas.

MECHANICS – 4/10

There were some very basic mistakes here. Like, you frequently mistake “your” for “you’re” and vice versa. “You’re” is a contraction of “you are”, while “your” is a possessive form of “you”. Use them appropriately. Also, I really dislike the way you wrote most of the dialogue. Most of it was stuck together in huge paragraphs, and you broke it apart sporadically, with no clear pattern. I understand that it would probably look rather odd if you made a new paragraph for every line of dialogue when it goes back and forth, but if you filled the in-between’s with some setting or musings, you’d have no such problems. Also, you might want to try some more imaginative ways to describe things.
Finally, a woman with white hair, white skin, bearing flecks of gold all over her body emerged.So this hot woman walks in wearing an attire so tight it’s like second skin, and this is the best you come up with? Come on, we both know you can do better than that.



FINAL SCORE – 14/30

Congratulations!

SPOILS:
Rahegalhoff gets 430 EXP and 150 GP

[Taskmienster]

Exp and Gp added!