Out of the rain.

[Princess Uroki]

Toshiyokan Uroki entered and quickly shut the door against the rain, wincing as it slammed loudly. Looking around, she made her way through the busy inn to a small table in a back corner. With relief she unfastened the strap that ran diagonally across her chest, and lowered her pack to the ground, leaning her naginata up against the wall. She straightened her dark purple yukata before settling into the rough wooden chair, holding the sheath of her shukusen to keep it out of the way. She observed the room.

Crowded. Good, I love crowds. I'm glad I sat in a corner. She had chosen this spot, not out of a desire to be alone or watch the room particularly closely, but so her naginata could be stood up against the wall behind her, within easy reach.

Not that I expect a fight. I came here so I wouldn't have to fight for some food and a bit of warmth.

When she saw the sign through the rapidly falling rain, it had been as though the heavens had opened and a stream of bright light had illuminated it.


The Peaceful Promenade

Those three words had felt almost like gospel as she gazed upon them. She'd rushed past, nearly losing her zori in the mud in her hurry, and practically thrown herself at the door. Now, sitting in her chair, being warmed by an open fire, it was as though the difficult night had been over long ago. She felt far removed from the storm raging outside.

"What can I get you, sweetheart?"

She looked up, interrupted from her reverie. A large woman stood there, wearing a brown and white peasant's dress that reached her large ankles, giving way to sturdy boots. The bust and sleeves of the gown were white, with a lacey collar that revealed her shoulders. The bodice and skirt were brown. Her hair was a vibrant red and she wore a kind smile beneath green eyes. Uroki felt herself immediately smile back.

"May this one have, please, a hot cup of tea?" She asked, reaching into her Obi and drawing out a few coins, which she gave to the waitress.

"Sure, honey. I'll be right back." She walked back to the bar. Sachiko smiled to herself. Tea. Tea would make this evening just perfect. When the waitress returned, she set a mug of steaming tea in front of her.

"You just let me if you need anything else, dear." she told her, balancing a tray on her hip.

"This one certainly will." Uroki answered, politely waiting for her to go before she sipped her tea. As she left, Uroki realized that the evening was not quite perfect after all.

I wish I had some company.

[Nightstalker]

A humble man looking for the entire world like a nondescript peasant entered. He had a farmer’s tan, and a nice build. His black eyes and his black hair both reflected the life of the promenade brilliantly. He had a tan pack on his back and money at his side. He spotted a fellow Akashiman in the corner, and took a table near hers.

Though it didn’t show on his face, he was lost, and confused, about what to do know that his teacher, his master, his father, a man known to the world as Master Roshi passed on. He would go on as he had before, but for how long? No, he was on his own now, mostly, and ready or not, he would have to put the skills he was taught to use, to live, and to survive in this harsh world. But in what direction would he go?

As he sat down, a Wakizashi handle was seen barely peaking out of it’s covering, and many might wonder why a farmer would need a sword, but some might know, or guess, that this man was infact, a Ninja.

As the man contemplated his future, the same waitress that Uroki placed her order with stopped by on her rounds to get the newcomer’s order.
“And how may I serve you today?” she asked.
“If it’s not too much trouble, may I have a pot of green tea? I hear the leaves at Ninyama village have been harvested, and greatly do I long to once more partake of their pleasure.” He said, speaking with a pleasant smooth voice.

He turned to Uroki, the very reason he sat at the table, and bowed in greeting.
“My fair lady, tell me, are you recently traveled from Akashima? I have been walking around the world contemplating things to come, and have not heard much news of our homeland.” He asked.

[Princess Uroki]

Startled from the contemplation of her tea, Uroki turned to the man who addressed her.

" This one is recently traveled from our homeland and there is not much for her to tell. Her quiet hamlet had not seen battle for many years before this one chose to seek her path in the world."

Although her manner of speech was an unusual one for women to use, Uroki spoke it with ease and confidence, in a good natured way. Growing up around seven brothers, she had learned to speak as they did, even as she learned to fight as they did.

Her head tilted as her eyes caught the wakizashi handle.

Surely a shinobi would not be so careless as to reveal his weapon and his nature to a stranger?

She bowed her head respectfully to him. "This one regrets she cannot answer your questions better."

[Nightstalker]

“I see, then, what sort of path is it, that you seek to find in this world? What path shall you take to find your future? Allow me to introduce myself, I am Toshi Orochi, and like you I too am trying to find my path.” He said. Neither Toshi, nor Orochi were his real names, but then, nobody knew his real name, and nobody ever would. The closest anyone might ever get to know was his nickname, Nightstalker.

The waitress brought his tea, and “Toshi” began to slowly drink. He took off his pack, and set it down on the floor in front of him. He noticed the handle of his blade sticking out a little, and a look came across his face that quite plainly said he didn’t know it was sticking out, but it crossed his face so quickly it was easy to miss.

He quickly covered the handle with a few deft movements. A black Lotus fell out of his pack, plucked from a field in his journeys. The way he handled it like it was likely to spring up and kill someone showed it had significance to him. That too, was put away, and in its place, a beautiful white lotus removed. This was handled like a lost love, and set on the table.

With a wayward glance at a particularly rowdy patron who was headed for the door, “Toshi” returned his attention to Uroki.

[Princess Uroki]

She bowed her head in reply to his introduction. "This one is Toshiyokan Uroki. She journeys to better her skills and increase her strength and knowledge."

Uroki watched his care with the beautiful flowers and smiled at him. Despite his rough exterior, this man appeared to have a gentle soul. In spite of the fact that something told her he was not being entirely honest, she had given him her full, true name. She was a friendly, open soul. She never lied, not even as a child. Her manner of raising had simply not required dishonesty.

One wild little girl running around the garden with her brothers, playing tag around the Sakura tree and being careful of her father's Ishidoro. Those were some of the best summers of her life and she missed them now. her hand ran down the silk of her yukata, a last gift from her most beloved horde of young men.

Her feet moved against the floor, her zori nearly silent on the wood. She returned her attention to the gentleman and his lotus. A truly beautiful flower.


Translations: Sakura: Cherry Blossom. Ishidoro: Stone lantern placed in many Japanese gardens to guide the spirits of the dead home on Obon, the festival of the Dead.

[Nightstalker]

Nightstalker smiled inwardly, she was so honest, so trusting. The world beyond Akashima was but a trap waiting to spring upon such an innocent soul. He knew of the sort of people that could easily trick her into a life of crime and ill repute. He felt like he should go with her; protect her, almost like it was his duty.

He took a moment to enjoy some more tea.

“It seems then, that our goals run with each other, for I seek to improve my own skills, and learn ones my father was unable to teach me. True, I seek my path in this world, but I am certain that it will at least bear the weight of those two goals.

If I may be so bold as to inquire, what direction did you have in mind? Perhaps we could travel together awhile. This land is not safe, no matter how skilled one person may or may not be, with two, it is still not entirely safe, but it is safer.” Nightstalker said, hoping to convince her to let him go with her.

He was anxious for a positive reply; he could not stand the thought of someone as innocent as her being swallowed up by a gang of thieves for their own illegal ends. Of course, if she saw his blade, perhaps she knew what he was already, and what sort of a companion someone such as him would make. If she did accept, he’d tell her who, and what he really was, once they were alone. Otherwise, she’d never truly know.

[Princess Uroki]

Uroki was, to say the least, a little taken aback by his request. It was almost too perfect. She had been sitting there alone, longing for companionship, and suddenly she had not only a companion for tea, but the possibility of one for travel, as well. she considered him for a moment, analying his motives. She wasn't quite so innocent as her good nature made her seem.

Before answering, she took a long sip of her tea, and stared into it's depths, weighing the options.

On the one hand, traveling with a shinobi could mean problems. There were dangers following those silent warriors, trailing every step.

On the other hand, she could take care of herself. She had fought strong warriors, and perhaps he would teach her some of his ways. On top of that, she would have someone to watch her back in battle, and maybe . . . a friend.

Tilting her cup, she saw that a tea stalk stood upright. She smiled.

I'll take that as a sign of good fortune. She thought, turning to the warrior.

"This one would be honored to have you as a traveling companion, Orochi-sama." She told him, gesturing at the chair opposite her at her table. "Please join this one at her table. Some conversation, perhaps, is in order."

Translation: Sama - In Japanese, many suffixes are used which denotes the relationship one person has to another. -sama indicates respect and translates roughly to Lord/Lady.

Note: A tea stalk standing upright in a cup of tea is an omen of good fortune and luck

[Nightstalker]

Nightstalker tossed the lotus into the air, and let it fall, directly where he intended it to land, in Uroki's lap, providing she didn't catch it first. He picked up his pot of tea, his cup and set them on the table, and then moved his pack over.

"A lotus for you, then." he said as he sat down.
He looked around the room; they were being ignored, good.
"I'm sure you've probably guessed already, but I'm not a farmer gone from his fields on vacation, I am Shinobi, a Ninja. Toshi Orochi is just a made up name. My real name is Nightstalker, and that really is my name, as that’s what others have called me for as long as I remember, but in public, you probably shouldn’t refer to me by Nightstalker, Toshi will suffice, or whatever name I feel like using at the moment. I really have been gone on a long journey though, and I really am trying to determine my future.” Nightstalker said.

He finished off the last of the tea in his cup.
“I tell you the truth now, because lies are nothing to build a friendship on.” Nightstalker said.

He poured himself one last cup of tea.

“So, having no direction in mind myself, did you have something in mind, or should we just wander where the breeze takes us? I hear an exciting circus is coming to Scara Brae, might be something to see at least once in our lives.”

[Princess Uroki]

Startled, she let the lotus fall into her lap. Its clean white petals were stark against her vibrant purple kimono. Gently she slid her hand under it and lifted it to her face. She inhaled, always having adored the sweet, calming smell of the lotus. There were several in her brothers garden. She would lay on the soft brown earth and gaze into the clear waters of the pond as bright orange koi made their busy way from place to place and frogs leaped across the lily pads.

Smiling, Uroki tucked the lotus gently into her Obi and returned her attention to her new friend. "Arigato." She murmured.

She listened quietly as he told his truths, unsurprised to learn he was not a farmer on vacation. She had already surmised that much. The sword, his manner, even the way he moved, spoke of a lifetime training in the arts of the shadow warriors.

"This one agrees with you about lies, Toshi-sama. As they say, A foundation of lies will cause the entire fortress to crumble. This one has spoken truth only. She is Rurouni, traveling warrior, and seeks only to improve."

His idea about the circus in Scara brae interested her.

"This one has never been to a circus. Perhaps . . . it would be interesting." She admitted with a smile.

Translation: Arigato - Thank you

[Nightstalker]

"Oh I hear it's a sight to see, with acrobatics and stupendous feats of athleticism that defy explanation. Animals performing wondrous and amazing acts, fortunetellers that can relate to you any detail of your past, or if you’re so bold as to inquire, every detail of your future, all sorts of things. Like I said, it’s on the island of Scara Brae, and if we leave now, we can catch the ferry and make it in time for the opening.” Nightstalker said.

He had other reasons for wanting to go see the circus, he hoped to perhaps get employment with them to learn some of those amazing acrobatic an athletic feats, to improve his own skills. It was actually Master Roshi who suggested to him he do so in the first place.
“If you want to be the best, first, you must learn from the best, and then after you have mastered yourself, beat the best,” were Roshi’s exact words.

That Uroki was interested seemed a blessing. He was glad at least she didn’t want to go stomping through some abandoned temple after some oni-cursed treasure. The only thing Nightstalker worried about now was how he’d handle the journey across the sea. He’d never been on the ocean before.

[Princess Uroki]

Uroki listened to him talk about the circus, imagining it in her mind's eye. Performers in bright colors flying through the air, animals doing fantastic tricks. It sounded fabulous to her, and perhaps she might learn a few things. The island of Scara Brae was the island of battle, she had heard. A trip there could only lead to new experiences, something she always looked forward to.

The fortune telling interested her as well. Her grandmother had been Miko, in a temple in her home, and she had often done the Fire Ceremony. She had done it the day before Uroki had left home, warning her of the lotus flower. The black one, it had said, would steal her away into a world unknown. But the white one would lead her to happiness.

Both had sounded mysterious and wondrous to her, and she was unsure what seeing both of them would mean. But she had always been one to follow her own path. She smiled at Nightstalker wholeheatedly and told him, " This one would love to go to the Circus in Scara Brae."

Translations: Miko - a priestess in a Shinto Temple. Fire Ceremony - On the ninth day of every month, the miko does a fire reading, to learn what the future holds. Flame divination, while not entirely rare in the west, seems to be mostly done in eastern countires and found to be profoundly accurate.

[Nightstalker]

Nightstalker stood, and shouldered his pack again. He hadn't been to Scara Brae, but he heard good things about it. Maybe he'd challenge the Pagoda while he was there. He took a moment, and in his mind's eye, he pictured himself marching into the pagoda and singlehandedly beating a warrior with a single punch, then an approaching master with a swift kick, and then the Grandmaster, the legendary Teric Bloodrose himself simply surrendering to save himself the humiliation.

Then reality set in, and Nightstalker paid for their drinks on his way out, imagining what it would be like to take on the grandmaster himself in a fair fight while realizing it’d be nearly impossible for him, as he was now, to beat the grandmaster, let alone a master.

“Let’s hurry!” Nightstalker shouted over his shoulder as he ran. He needn’t have worried; even if they walked they’d arrive a whole fifteen minutes early and have no trouble finding passage for two to Scara Brae.


OOC: Last post.

[Princess Uroki]

Uroki stood, straightening her Yukata as she moved. She took the time to comfortably settle her naginata on her back and slide her pack over her shoulders before following him.

He seemed so excited, it was like watching her brothers on their first day of apprenticeship, eager for new learning and adventure. A road never taken can lead to many things, their father had told them often while he was alive.

Outside, she turned back for a last look at the sign which had seemed to be a godsend on her arrival. Now she noticed that it was slightly battered and old, but warmly welcoming. As she hurried to catch up to Nightstalker, she hoped one day to return, older, wiser and stronger, and with many new tales to tell.

Last post

[Taskmienster]

Out of the rain.


STORY (16/30)

~ Continuity ~ 5
I got a little of what was going on, but not what brought Nightstalker to the PP. Try and incorporate why it is you are where you are, as well as background that brought you there.

~ Setting ~ 4.5
You both seemed to miss a lot of this… I got a little bit of the setting at first, but it was left out as you went through the storyline. If it was raining when you got there you can listen to the light rap of water on the windows, or the harsh clash of thunder (even in the distance). Don’t forget to write it out so that the reader can not only know where you are, but get a good feel for where it is and be able to picture themselves there as well.

~ Pacing ~ 6.5
Due to the nature of this thread, the short quick posts are fine. Back and forth dialogue is hard to do without them. The pacing was well done, and kept steady throughout, so I have no qualms with it.


CHARACTER (15/30)

~ Dialogue ~ 6
FREAKY dialogue, haha. The way that your character speaks, Uroki, is very interesting and a bit offsetting at first, though I like it. When you write, Nightstalker, make sure to put a space between the paragraphs, including dialogue, especially dialogue. Otherwise it’s really hard to follow.

~ Action~ 5
No real ‘action’ in the sense of fights or intrigue, but that’s not what this section is about. It’s about the actions of your characters according to how you play them. Both of you played the action’s of your characters well, though why they did what they did is tied to persona (see below) and lack of persona means lack of understandable and relatable actions.

~ Persona ~ 4
I feel that both of you skipped out on this one. It’s not enough for the reader to say “so and so is angry”, you gotta show stuff like that to help the reader understand why they feel a certain way and how it came about. There’s a general rule of thumb that I write by, as well as judge by, and that’s “show don’t tell”. It means that you should write in an expressive way to ‘show’ the character to the reader and really make them feel round (as opposed to flat and 2-d) and real, or dynamic (that they could really exist and can change and grow and develop, as opposed to ‘static’). If you take that to heart, and try your best to work it into the thread, it’ll be wonderful.

WRITING STYLE (15/30)

~ Technique ~ 2
No real use of any advanced techniques, but those are easy to incorporate as you write more. Similes and metaphors are the easiest, being that you can throw them into anything from descriptions of your character to the setting that is around them. You don’t HAVE to use really deep metaphors, or fight and struggle to make it all flowery, but a few things here and there in a post make it much more enjoyable in the long run.

~ Mechanics ~ 6
Uroki, you didn’t capitalize the first word in a sentence a couple times. Other than that not a whole lot wrong.

~ Clarity ~ 7
Princess; you tend to use a lot of cultural words that is a bit confusing for those of us that don’t know what they mean.


WILD CARD!!! 7
Two things… Uroki: your signature is super long and big, and very distracting. It is also longer than most of your posts, which isn’t bad… per se… just somewhat annoying to have to skip past for every post.
Nightstalker: your side bar stats are almost all question marks, which is really annoying for fellow roleplayers that might have to try and describe your build and appearance, as well as for the mods since if you do something or say something we have to go find your profile and look it over instead of just glancing at the side bar.

Neither is going to dock you, just thought I’d note it here. Lol. I look forward to seeing more by both of you in the future, you both have a lot of potential and I can’t wait to see it flourish and grow over time!



TOTAL

(53/100)


GAINS/REWARDS!

Princess Uroki: 415 exp | 90 gold

Nightstalker: 400 exp | 80 gold

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added!