What do you think?

[ninja_person]

Hey, I got really really bored and well wrote this for a girl in my life. I want other people's opinion before I actually tell her this poem.


As Days Flew By

The very first time I saw you,
Was special how we met.
You took me by complete surprise.
I knew my heart was set.

As days flew by, we talked again,
But you never seemed to care.
I tried my best to help you out,
By a favor here, or a favor there.

Although I made a fast approach,
Our friendship grew and grew.
I realized how deep I cared,
But the feeling I felt was new.

In time I became attached to you.
From a hug, I wouldn't let go.
I soon saw how close we were,
And the feeling was good to know.

For you, I wrote sweet letters and songs.
You were on my mind all day.
The thought of sleeping was nowhere near,
Unless I knew you were okay.

It hit me then, what I was in -
A unique and precious love.
For the person I said was only mine,
Was an angel sent from above.

The minutes without you turned into days,
And the seconds with you flew fast.
I could only wish to see you more,
And make each moment last.

The times I spent with you,
Were what made my heart complete.
I knew one thing for sure,
Without you, my future was obsolete.

And now, we love just the same,
As it doubles day by day.
I stare deep into your precious eyes,
Yet I'm still speechless to what I should say.

With you, I'm in a whole new world.
You bring out the best in me.
It's hard to picture you not there,
When you taught me who to be.

Yes, the road ahead gets hard,
When things may only seem rough.
But because you and I try so much,
We'll stay strong and get by tough.

Though problems may lie ahead someday,
And either of us could be right;
I promise to always be by your side,
And I promise my heart, so hold it tight.

And so, each night, beside my bed,
When there's only bright stars to see;
I pray that we may never give up,
And will always remain you and me.

[Lakin_of_DpN]

Tell her, if you haven't already.

Your thoughts and feelings made me smile, and I don't know you at all. The poem would hold so much more for your girl, since she inspired this in you.

[Cyrus the virus]

I have qualms with it, mostly that it's too long. Some of your language is too basic in places, and you sometimes try to project sincere feelings but it comes off half-hearted - "And the feeling was good to know", especially. Good's pretty lax word, no?

[ninja_person]

Well Lakin, I have tryed multiple time and every timeI get shot down cause she gets called into work or something going on at home.

At Cyrus : I understand where you are comming from and seeing how it is too long. but I express myself through music, be it my own or be it from some random artist, I express how I feel with music.

At you both : Thank you for your words and anyone else who gives their two cents.

[Lakin_of_DpN]

Everyone has to eat. Nice meal, good bottle of wine, a whispered poem from the heart punctuated by hot sex.

I doubt she would notice any structure flaws.

[ninja_person]

Well we haven't got that far into the relationship. Although we have been together almost 3 years. We are gonna wait on marriage so nothing comes in the middle and fucks what we have up,

[Lathienas Miraq]

Everyone has to eat. Nice meal, good bottle of wine, a whispered poem from the heart punctuated by hot sex.

I doubt she would notice any structure flaws.
I second this. (emphasis very much mine)

But fair enough if you are waiting. Its a cool poem but she may be more annoyed that you gave it too the internet before her. Although she may also give you credit for testing it. She may love it. She may not, I don't know her but if you wrote it for her she'll appreciate the sentiment.

[Yari Rafanas]

Just don't tell her you posted it on the internet.