Holy War.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

(Note: All bunnies between my two characters are approved since they both belong to me)

Hear me. For my voice is everywhere. Listen to me. For my call is in the air and my song is in the breeze. Touch me. For I am the earth, the water, the air, and the fire. Taste me. For I am the very food you eat. Love me, for I am the Father of All. And together, we must bring about a brighter future for generations to come. Listen to my call young one. For I am watching you. One will rise and one will fall...

Sabatykos recited the dream to the Elder. Zenthum Prisido who was observing the whole class before them. "Excellent. You have done well my young students. Now. The final test begins. All Saenorakym Prime must prove their worth in The Citadel of Radasanth. You must become a Neophyte Monk of the Order and obey the will of Karshook. Do well, and Karshook will reward you. Go now my students, and heed all that you have learned." Sabatykos listened as the man spoke.

They were in a clearing sitting outside of the houses of the village. Several students of adult age were listening to the ancient Master Inventor as he told his tales about their god, Karshook. Karshook was an Inventor god worshiped largely by the Saenorakym Prime culture. A statue of the deity was erected in the center of the township. It was in the primary aspect of Elder Karshook, the Inventor and their long-revered creator. He was created in the traditional aspect. It was a bronze statue which was at least ten feet in height and weighed about fifteen tons. He was stylized in traditional Saenorakym Prime artistic culture. Careful attention was paid to the musculature of the statue and the folds of the clothing. The minute detail was awe inspiring. Standing tall as he pointed to the heavens with his right hand, Karshook was a primal figure. Long, flowing dreadlocks crowned the deity's head as he stood upon the kiosk. The deity had a fully developed forehead, brow, zygomatic arch, and chin. He had a beard too, and wrinkles that were as deep as mountain ravines.

Sabatykos was looking at the statue of Karshook. There were symbols and glyphs etched all over the statue. Also, visibly, were offerings of Inventions at or nearby the statues' position. Teaching in the tradition of the cultures' original philosophers and theocrats, Zenthum engaged his student class in the teachings of the ancient Inventors. For generations, the Saenorakym Prime were amongst the most gifted Technicians, Inventors, and Builders in the universe.

The entity, Karshook, was their patron deity. All other concerns in their society mattered very little compared to the appeasement of their deity.

A calculating race, the Saenorakym Prime were gifted inventors. Having a tremendous understanding of physics and mathematics, the inventors developed the capacity to travel from world to world. Eventually, they found their ways to Althanas and settled down ages ago. A small community, the Saenorakym Prime are only a few thousand at best, and few souls even knew of the community hidden in Concordia Forest. These matters were crucial to understanding the Saenorakym Prime. Sabatykos knew this, as all members of the community did, young or old.

However, he had to question the Elder's sincerity as their latest assignment was given out. Sabatykos had a troubled expression on his face as he looked in the Elder's general direction. Most of his fellow students had already left to prepare for the journey to Radasanth, but Sabatykos hesitated. The Elder walked over to the young man with an air of nobility and experience about him. He sat down next to Sabatykos.

"What troubles you my son?" Zenthum asked.

Sabatykos heard the man's question and looked up to his teacher for a long moment. "I don't see what warfare has to do with Invention." Sabatykos said, voicing his concern. It was like trying to explain classical Raiaeran theater to a Pirate from Alerars' Black Sails Armada. Sabatykos just didn't like to fight unless it was absolutely necessary. "Do you understand the old Ethical Scrolls written by your forefathers?" The man said. "Aye Sir. I do. What child of my age doesn't by now?" Sabatykos said, challenging the man's question. "Recite the precepts then."

And Sabatykos did so. He recited them in the Saenorakym Prime's own tongue. A difficult tongue to master, but one that was required by all Saenorakym Prime's youth. Sabatykos recited the precepts in approximately ten minutes' time. The Elder clapped his hands together slowly. "Very good. Now what does precept number 45 state?" Sabatykos hesitated for a moment, seeing what the Elder was attempting to say. Defending ones own family and friends was crucial to the livelihood of Saenorakym Prime culture. Sabatykos sighed, he knew it would be useless to argue. The Saenorakym Prime precepts represented the body of law for their culture. There were thousands of precepts. Sabatykos understood what he was fighting for now. He no longer doubted the Elders' orders to have them enter the Order of the Monks. "A strong Inventor can protect his family, friends, and loved ones. Always remember that my student. I expect you to do exceedingly well with your combat training." And so, Sabatykos made prepared to undergo the journey to Radasanth, and ultimately, The Citadel.

***

Standing before the monument of The Citadel, Sabatykos looked every bit like a tourist. He was wearing a simple tank-top made linen cloth, and baggy brown pants with many pockets. His backpack was on, and he had a broadsword ready in its scabbard at his side. His daggers were on the opposite hip, one on top of the other. He was prepared for glory. Sabatykos saw several Monks congregating nearby to The Citadel's monumental structure. Sabatykos calmly approached the monks, whilst adjusting his glasses.

Sabatykos looked extremely out of place amongst the warriors and other adventurers that moved their way through The Citadel's halls. Sabatykos knew that. Despite that, he wanted to be certain that he served his God well. Sabatykos did not follow the Thayne, he did not believe in them. His religion stated that the Thayne, all though heresy, were to be respected as Pagan Gods. Sabatykos approached the monks with utmost respect. His eyes lowered at the potentially ranking individuals. One of the monks saw his approach and smiled at the young man. These monks were friars of the Order and some wore robes that clearly depicted rank.

"Welcome my son. What can I do for you on this fine afternoon?" The monk said calmly. Sabatykos struggled to keep himself calm. He knew what the Elder had requested of him. "Well its like this Sire. I wish to become a Monk of the Order." Sabatykos said, getting right to the point. At hearing those words, the Monks' eyes lit up and he clapped his hands together. "Splendid! Let us get you started..."

And somehow, a week later, Sabatykos was a Neophyte Monk. Staring at what the doors to his first challenge, the youth opened the doors and entered the bland combat arena. He saw that he was out in the open, there were trees everywhere, and birds were singing in the afternoon air. The room had adjusted to the youth's thoughts and created a combat arena suitable for his knees. People were fishing at a lake somewhere nearby and long road that seemed to stretch to infinity was visible. The sky was blue, a few strangely shaped clouds were visible. Thinking about the precepts of his order, and thinking about the precepts of the Monks of Ai'Bron Sabatykos sighed and proceeded forward.

At least, it was pretty arena.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

(Note: this battle is now closed)

After a hard day's work at Krugor's smithery, the youth had earned himself a break from the hard-labor. At a tender age of about thirteen, the apprentice began studying under the mastersmith. Alberdyne Cormyr felt as though he'd entered the Citadel before, but shrugged the feeling aside. Instead, he focused on the task at hand. One of the Monks of the Order, observed Alberdyne wandering about the Citadel's structure. Dyne was approached by the monk. Bowing deeply to the monk, Dyne was not without his understanding of courtesies. Raised by a well-known clan of merchants, the youth was well educated. This drew an amused expression from the monk. "I am no one to bow to friend. How may I help you today?" Dyne listened to the monk and spoke after he was spoken to. "Well its like this. I happen to be an apprentice smith sir. I am looking for some adequate combat training, nothing too difficult or stressful you see? Just something I can test my skills against which aren't the greatest I'm afraid." Dyne admitted. He looked at the monk the entire time, in the eyes.

"You're a very modest young sir." The monk responded. "A fellow about your age came through here not too many hours prior." With a thoughtful expression on his face, the monk stared at Dyne cautiously. "He seemed like an adequate challenge for someone with your skill level." Dyne noticed a twinkle in the man's eye. "Very well then, it shall be arranged." Dyne nodded in eagerness as he looked upon the monk.

They walked through the hall of the citadel now. Dyne followed the monk's lead as he had a feeling that this would be the first of many ventures into the Citadel's structure. Dyne kept his eyes on the various arena-chambers, the doors closed, and some of them open. Possessing a labyrinth like lay-out, there were hallways that went off in every direction. Certain of the passages defied gravity itself as they headed off North, Northwest, and Northeast. Underneath Dyne, the passageways headed off in similar directions. Ladders and ascending and descending passageways were utilized as well.

Dyne marveled at the ingenious nature of the Citadel. Many of the passages were in use by the various combatants of the Citadel. Each passage and chamber lead to a different combat arena, all organized in some fashion only known to the Monks of the Order. Dyne was lead to a particular passage in the first layer of the Citadel's structure. It wasn't that far off from the main entrance of the Citadel. Dyne was lead to an chamber that had the doors open. He could see a glowing white light from within.

"We are here. You are looking for a fellow named Sabatykos." The monk said casually. "Thank you good sir." Dyne responded. "I shall do my best."
And he entered the chamber...

The doors were closed behind the apprentice as he ventured into the chamber.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Pausing by a tree, the inventor sat down along the shadowy side of the tree. He took an apple from the tree and began to munch on it softly. He sat there for a moment, enjoying the cool breeze. There was a burst of energy in the air he waited. Sometime passed before the burst of energy came forward through the air, ripple, a signal of some sort. Sabatykos turned towards the signal and something happened. The monk's magic took a firm hold of the inventor's heart, and he was no longer able to discern reality form the monk's magic. Sabatykos turned toward the source of the signal, and saw a form rapidly approaching his person. Sabatykos stood up, grabbed a quick stretch, and assumed that this approaching person was his opponent. Better late than never. Sabatykos thought to himself with a grin as he took another bite of the apple, then tossed it aside. The apple rolled for several paces and landed against a rock. Sabatykos walked over towards his opponents' position and stopped roughly a few paces away. Sabatykos immediately could see that the lad appeared quite strong, and had a strange combination of hair color and eye color.

Sabatykos immediately noticed the other youth's hair color. It was bright red and tied back in a ponytail. Sabatykos nodded towards the other youth. He held the straps of his backpack as he walked forward and paused once he was standing roughly a few paces away. Looking towards the lake that various people fished in at the time, Sabatykos returned his gaze back towards the other youth. A robin perched on a nearby rock, and a predatory snake suddenly struck the robin, consuming it underneath the shrubs.

He analyzed his opponent and saw that the youth had a stocky build. He appeared to be a soldier some other physical profession. Sabatykos wondered just exactly how this fight was going to unfold since he had no real combat experience up until this point. It was now do or die. Sabatykos knew that he was on his own. When a time passed, Sabatykos grinned casually.

"Hey there. I'm Sabatykos, Sabatykos Maelstrom." He said casually and extended his hand towards the youth's person. The youth calmly shook his hand in response and seemed just as friendly as he. Sabatykos noticed that his opponent wore glasses like he did. Once they shook hands, Sabatykos took his glasses off, placing them in his satchel. He saw that his opponent did the same. He had poor vision after that, and things were slightly blurred, but he could see which was crucial to his survival. Especially cause it was a bright, sunny day in the arena. "How do you want to do this? I've never done this before."

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Dyne kept a grin on his face. He'd fought local bullies before in Radasanth and had managed to get some live-combat experience. Radasanth had mean streets, and fighting was just a way of life. The Civil War was raging and battles could break out at any moment. Dyne looked at Sabatykos and noticed that the youth had a country-accent. He seemed to be a native of Corone, but Dyne could not recognize the dialect. It was a new variety of dialect that he'd never heard before.

Dyne tried to analyze the dialect mentally, but was having little luck. In any event, he would ask Sabatykos after the match was over. Dyne pondered simply taking the initiative attack and overwhelming his opponent. He fought off the urge to overpower his foe, and decided to be chivalrous. Dyne nodded casually and responded. "My name is Alberdyne Cormyr. I've had a few battles before, but against locals in Radasanth. Never against an opponent in The Citadel." Dyne said calmly.

He kept his eyes on the darker eyes of the other youth, there was something mysterious about them. Something maddeningly familiar, he looked upon the other boy's eyes for a long moment, studying its depths. He saw a hunger for knowledge and also saw something alien. A sort of potential that lurked there. Dyne looked at a nearby stone, focused upon it and relaxed for a moment.

His chest rose and fell quickly for a moment. As he focused, a green burst of psychokinetic energy flowed from his left hand and traveled to the stone. Dyne saw the stone travel through the air and into his hand. Dyne was now armed with a basic weapon. He held the small stone in his hand. His hand was large and gripped the object carefully.

"Draw one of your weapons, and we'll see what happens from here." Dyne pointed the stone at his opponent's person. "Your move, Sabatykos. Let's give these monks a good showing."

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Sabatykos saw a mysterious burst of green energy filter into the air. The inventor whispered in awe at the impressive trick that the youth commanded. "Say that's pretty neat how you do that. Maybe you can teach me that trick sometime." Sabatykos said with that smile never leaving his face. He drew his broadsword, and moved into a loose combat stance. His iron blade reflected sunlight brightly and gave off a shine. Sabatykos grinned at the quality of his peoples' works. Sabatykos stepped back about a pace, and looked at his opponent for a moment.

The sword felt slightly uncomfortable in his grip. He'd received some mandatory training with the blade against training dummies and more skilled opponents. Opponents that knew about tournament conditions. He knew he would not have to hold anything back against this particular foe. Sabatykos held his weapon at a slightly downward angle, almost like a fencer might use such a weapon.

He took another step back in order to prepare for the coming intensity of the battle. Already, he could feel his heart beating rapidly in anticipation. He waited for Alberdyne Cormyr to throw the first punch. There was honor at stake here. And the Saenorakym Prime had a deep sense of it. He would allow the mysterious foe to work this match into a specific rhythm.

Sabatykos prepared himself as best as he could for what might come. He knew he would have to depend on his advanced reflexes and dexterity to make any sort of headway in the match. Once he saw Alberdynes' feet taking off, Sabatykos prepared himself. He moved against Alberdynes' movement and rushed forward in a reactive movement...

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Alberdyne Cormyr noticed that his opponent was rather quick, really quick. Dyne knew he would have to concentrate on everything he had acquired up until that point. So Dyne reacted as best as he could to the incoming attack. Not gifted with the same reflexes as the other youth, Dyne could only move in reaction to the movements he saw. Sabatykos moved with outstanding reflexes and the slash came in very quickly. Dyne moved backwards a bit, and began to shift his weight when the sword licked at his flesh.

Coming in across his left shoulder, Sabatykos' attack hurt. A deep gash formed beneath Dyne's clothing. Blood started to pour from the injury he'd just received, but the youth could take it. He was tough. The cut was fresh, and was about half an inch in. The cut was also several inches long. Dyne saw that the blade attempted to cut in deeper from the attack. Dyne saw the wrist movement and attempted to move out of the way, but couldn't.

Sacrificing forward momentum, Dyne knew that there was little he could do. With the stone in his hand, the psionic moved within the window he was provided. Dyne switched the stone in his hand to the other hand, the right, and he prepared to strike against his opponent. Dyne swung with all the strength he could muster and made an attempt to hit Sabatykos across the side of the head.

There was a specific purpose that Dyne grabbed the stone in the first place. He was trying to turn the environment against his opponent. Furthermore, the stone was a nice, simple to wield weapon. It could be used to cause blunt-trauma-force against his foe. Also, he was certain that the stone would not easily break. It was made of pure granite, and the object fit perfectly in his large hand. His hand went through the air, and towards Sabatykos' head. He was hoping for a solid hit.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Sabatykos attempted to move with his reflexes, but was locked in forward momentum. His sword attack had connected, but the youth could do nothing to evade the incoming attack. He simply was not skilled enough. Feeling the impact, the youth felt as though his right eye were about to burst out of his skull. A bruise developed from the impact point. Sabatykos felt that his opponent continued the attack and pushed his weight against the maneuver. He was knocked down to the floor, but kept a grip on his sword. Removing the blade from his opponent's trapezius muscle, Sabatykos saw that the injury was further aggravated.

Sabatykos felt a vicious welt develop. His hand went to the injury. He was glad that he'd taken the moment to remove the glasses from his head. "Damn!" Sabatykos cursed as he knelt against the floor. "Now I see why you went for that thing. Sabatykos saw that his opponent was circling him now, moving in a leftward direction. The youth kept his hand across the side of his head and shook it for a moment.

He was attempting to adjust to the sudden blunt blow that just struck him. Already, his blood was hot. Sabatykos felt his heart racing as the fight began to culminate. "That was a good hit man." He tried to stand up, but fell to his knee briefly. Then, a few seconds later, managed to wobbly stand on his feet.

His head hurt. He felt a migraine headache developing, and he just wanted to pass out. However, the youth knew that he couldn't. Far from over, Sabatykos had to keep fighting in order to defend his honor and the ways of his people. He knew that he had to fight for as long as he could before he was completely incapacitated. Sabatykos, though very wobbly, went back into combat stance. He saw that his opponent finally stopped moving when he returned to combat position. "Let's get this show on the road." Sabatykos said with a grin. Despite the words, he was having a difficult time focusing with one eye partially shut from the injury. Sabatykos had taken the initiative attack, and for now, would wait for his opponent to move in for the next maneuver. Sabatykos kept his sword in hand, and was growing more and more used to using the live weapon. Wooden training swords felt a lot different from the heavy hilts of the iron broadsword he currently wielded. Sabatykos regained his focus and stood up straight, and was surprised that his opponent gave him all the time he needed.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Though Alberdyne Cormyr was injured, the youth knew that his opponent was worse off. Dyne kept the stone in his hand, and prepared to use it for the next part of his plan. He paced around Sabatykos for a few minutes whilst his opponent recovered. "Take your time. Just breathe." Dyne found himself saying to his opponent. "We don't have to rush this, this moment is not a tournament, and definitely not the Citadel Leagues." Alberdyne couldn't help hismelf, but he found himself drawn to his opponent.

Something about the moment in time was frozen forever. He felt as though this moment was theirs to experience and savor for all of time. Not a bloodthirsty individual by far, he hated marring his opponent's face. A deep purple marking appeared where Dyne had struck his foe with the rock. So far, the psionic had not cut his opponent, but he knew that would change soon enough.

Dyne's injury was stinging and felt as though his trapezius muscle were on fire. Exposed to the air, the blood flowed freely now. It didn't flow at a fast enough rate for the psionic to feel tremendous worry about blood loss, but the youth worried nonetheless. His face, outwardly, appeared to be quite calm and relaxed. His boots crushed the grass and flowers beneath him as he move. He saw that Sabatykos' sword trickled his own blood to the ground. Dynes' face was locked upon his opponent. He never once removed his eyes from his opponents' position.

Dyne kept the stone in his hand. Once he saw that his foe was ready, he completed his movement and ended up facing Sabatykos. "Good you're ready. Don't worry man, I don't believe in cheating. It's not my style." Dyne grinned softly and drew his bronze longsword. With one hand he wielded the sword, and with the other, he kept his stone in grip. Then, with a sudden movement, he threw the stone right at Sabatykos' chest. Once the stone was airborne, Dyne grabbed his weapon, rotated it, and ran towards Sabatykos with a deadly slash. He was cutting his blade through the air in a forty-five degree angle and aiming for the youth's chest.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Though his injury was obscured, he saw the attack coming. Why is he doing that? Sabatykos thought to himself and immediately countered the incoming attack. Swinging his broadsword on the flat-side of the weapon, Sabatykos struck the small stone a few inches before it connected with him. There was a loud smash! sound, and Sabatykos knocked the stone uselessly off to the side. Sabatykos, then saw the secondary attack of his opponent, growled, and prepared to move.

He moved slightly to the side, but it was already too late. His opponent had come in with the attack and was quite skilled with that longsword. Sabatykos attempted to move his weapon to block off some of the attack, but alas, it was not meant to be. Sabatykos took the full force-hit of the attack as the weapon cleanly slashed across his chest. Not wearing any sort of armor, the youth regretted that decision.

The cut stung deeply as his chest was ripped open so suddenly and so absolutely. The sword bit half an inch deeply into Sabatykos' pectoral muscle. Blood spilled everywhere traveling as a trail to the ground and spilling all over the grass and flowers beneath him. Sabatykos groaned in agony as the sword bit him. He clutched his chest, and felt as though he were on fire from the injury.

Blood poured across his hand, and down his stomach. It stained his clothing with its crimson substance. Sabatykos looked up at Dyne with an incredulous expression. The older boy had bested him! The realization set in clearly as the sound the stone made when it hit the ground with a small, meaningless thud. Sabatykos fell down to one knee. His hand was now coated with his own blood. "Urngh. Shit. That was unexpected right there Dyne. You cut me good." Sabatykos said as he kept his sword against the ground. Now it was getting hard to focus. Perhaps using weapons was not the wisest of choices, but at least Dyne no longer had that bastard stone in his hand.

Sabatykos stood up after a moment. He tried to ascertain the level of the injury he'd just suffered. It was serious. Sabatykos could not function in the battle for much longer. He knew that to be true. Sabatykos would have to give his all in the remainder of the match. Thus, Sabatykos Maelstrom swung forward after gripping his weapon with both hands. He swung at Dyne's midsection hoping to catch the other off guard. He growled deeply through the entire process of the swing, and his chest felt like it was going to explode.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Alberdyne Cormyr was prepared to react by any means necessary. He'd obtained some live-fire combat experience in his youth and was prepared for what would happen next. He thinks he's a clever one, but I will show him something else! He knew that his opponent would counter the rock, but he hadn't expected to cut his foe so completely. Dyne knew that his actual combat experience would be the deciding factor in this battle. Where his foe was lacking, Dyne would more than make up for.

Suddenly, Sabatykos struck and Dyne was prepared. He shifted his weight to intercept the incoming broadsword. He saw the attack coming it, was well-telegraphed. Dyne shifted the weight of his weapon so that the longer blade he wielded was parallel to his body. Merely a few inches away, he dug the tip of the blade into the soft, sodden earth beneath him.

As the afternoon wore on, the sun began to beat on his back. Feeling as though his previous injury were smoldering in the sun, Dyne shifted his body as far away from the sun as he could. He held his weapon in place, and the smaller broadsword impacted against the side of his longsword. Alberdyne felt the impact of the two weapons more than he actually saw it.

It sent a vibration up the metal of the blade. He felt his hands shaking for a brief moment, but soon steadied himself. Dyne prepared his next maneuver, but Sabatykos was all over him now. Sabatykos, slashed again after his sword was intercepted by Dynes' blade. Dyne stepped backwards, and swung his weapon as best as he could against Sabatykos' reflexes. Their two blades connected once more, the impact sending a loud noise across the air. Dyne grimaced at the loud sound, but it was not loud enough to physically bother him. "This won't get us anywhere!" Dyne yelled.

And the sword-dance began. A long series of swings, parries, and counter swings blazed through the air. Each striking impact was elegant, and increasingly more fierce than the last. "What are you trying to prove!?" Dyne asked in response, all though he knew that Sabatykos was the superior of the two. Dyne used his tremendous size and weight to keep up with the faster of the two youths. Their swords seemed to create a streak of light as they were slashed against one another. Each slash came faster and faster than the last...all it would take was one critical mistake to end the vicious sword battle.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Sabatykos realized that Dyne liked to talk a lot. It was one trait that the inventor did not share. Sabatykos always liked to have a plan in things, cool, calculating. Every movement being a larger piece of the puzzle. The inventor knew that he'd met his match. Dyne seemed to be every bit as calculating as he was, which made for an interesting sparring partner. Sabatykos' body moved quickly and with a purpose. His every strike was performed fluidly, and without any flaw that Sabatykos could see.

However, he knew that he lacked experience. This would be a deciding factor in the match. Sabatykos adapted to the situation as best as he could, but worry was creeping in his heart. He didn't have time to slow down or skip a bit. Every time that the sword clashes resonated through the air, there was an explosive burst of light and sound. The blades were already super-heated from much wear and usage. Sabatykos noticed that his sword was glowing red-hot already.

If his weapon broke, he was screwed. He doubted it would break so easily as the craftsmanship of the sword was masterwork in nature. However, each strike that was countered or parried was bringing worry into the younger of the two warriors. Sabatykos suddenly countered an incoming attack by shifting his body weight and sending a mid-level swing to counter Dyne's own attack.

There were streaks of light that flowed from the blades. It seemed like an after effect that showed the level of effort both of the warriors were putting into the attack. Locked in a grapple now, Sabatykos leaned in close to Dyne, their nose just inches apart. They were both growling now as if the intensity of the battle had warped them. Sabatykos became consumed with the idea of defeating this opponent at all costs, even his own life. So when they leaned in close, Sabatykos could look into the man's green eyes. Sweat flowed freely down his person. He was drenched in it. It was hot, and he was miserable. He just wanted to end this battle. And he thought the whole time, the son of a bitch is holding back! Sabatykos was rapidly running out of options.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Adapting quickly to the task at hand, Alberdyne Cormyr found himself having a good time. Despite the pain in his trapezius muscle, the youth felt alive in the battle. He knew that the deep cut in his shoulder would become the first in a series of larger cuts. His opponent moved at full reflexes, attempting to best the more experienced youth every time. However, Alberdyne Cormyr had fought before. He had never fought an opponent such as Sabatykos Maelstrom, but he had fought before. The experience he had gained from the combat practice proved invaluable.

At the academy in Radasanth, combat knowledge was necessary. Alberdyne Cormyr studied the combat arts in his spare time when he was not smithing items in the shop or mining. His craft required him to be working full time so he had very little for any other personal studies, so he studied the art of becoming a warrior. It was a productive study to say the least. Dyne wanted to defend his friends and loved ones, and despite the harshness of the battle, he found himself rapidly respecting Sabatykos Maelstrom. He knew this was a rare thing indeed.

Most opponents attempted to play dirty at one point or another, but Sabatykos seemed to be accepting his fate. Dyne could see it in the other boys' eyes. A slow realization of the truth was creeping in his gut. Dyne knew this to be true, it was only a matter of time before one, or, both of them made a mistake. The only difference between the two was that Dyne knew how to salvage a mistake. A mistake on Sabatykos' behalf would be very costly to the boy.

Continuing the sword dance, the blades skillfully danced through the air, and Dyne pressed his size and weight advantage. He knew he was the stronger of the two and used that face for leverage. It was key to know ones' own weaknesses and strengths. So when Sabatykos leaned in close to Dyne, Dyne continued to press his might against the others' smaller sword. Both of the weapons were built with incredible craftsmanship. Thus, the youth knew he didn't have to hold back. Alberdyne Cormyr continued the taunts and was attempting to get in his opponents' head. "You're not walking out of here with you're dignity and honor intact. I'm not gonna let you beat me. You're fast kid, real fast. But I'm stronger than you are by far. Do you really think speed can outmatch physical strength?" Dyne pondered out loud, and judging by the expression in his opponents' eyes, the older of the two warriors knew he was getting to Sabatykos. Alberdyne Cormyr decided it was time to try something new.

Instead of a forward attack, he attempted to slash at the blade before him. Even his longsword had size and measurements on his side. Dyne knew that to be true, he just had to be careful in the close-range quarters. So Dyne began to push his body weight against Sabatykos' own weight causing the boy to feel tremendous pressure. "Don't try to fight this, just give in man..." Dyne said as he pushed his weight down on Sabatykos' broadsword hoping to create just enough of an opening.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

"I won't let you win!"

Sabatykos called out, and that gave his opponent all the edge he needed. The youth knew, his name was called before the match even started. However, he was actually enjoying himself which was all that mattered. Clouds lurked over head creeping across the ocean of the sky. A breeze traveled through the forest giving Sabatykos just a tiny bit of comfort. It is time to come home little one. A voice in the inventors' head said. It was the same voice he had heard earlier, when he was praying.

Is this the voice of Karshook? Sabatykos wondered. But now was not the time for deeper introspection. Feeling his body being pushed downward, the boy knew that his opponent was up to something. He just knew it. He kept attempting to shift his body weight against Alberdyne Cormyrs' forward momentum, but the other boy was simply too big and too strong. After a moment or two, Sabatykos' broadsword was against the ground. His opponent suddenly kicked out against Sabatykos' sword.

Sabatykos knew that his number was coming. He attempted to maintain his balance, but Dyne kicked the sword out of his hand and it clambered away several paces in the grass. Sabatykos scrambled to reach for his sword when the second strike came in. He saw that his opponent had released one of his hands from the grip of his weapon and decided to physically punch Sabatykos in the head! "You're fucking crazy!" As Sabatykos reached for the weapon, prepared for the hit that was incoming.

Dyne punched Sabatykos across the already injured side of his head, adding further to the tremendous headache. Sabatykos was knocked to the ground, but managed to land closer to the sword. He looked up and saw that his opponent was getting ready to come down on him with a tremendous sword-slash at his midsection. Not ready to give up, Sabatykos quickly grabbed the hilt of his weapon.

Just as Alberdyne Cormyr was coming down with the weapon, Sabatykos turned with all of the agility he could muster. His body adjusted quickly, a game of physics and mathematics, and the youth reacted. Intercepting, the other boys' longsword, Sabatykos held his sword atop his already injured chest. There was a loud clang! sound and the two swords were once against locked. There was a red glow that manifested it at the impact point. Sabatykos knew he was beaten. "I won't let you beat me like this..."

"I won't let you..."

He repeated again. But he was tired, worn out and physically in a lot of pain. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold out. Don't worry my childe. (Spelling deliberate) Accept what is coming. Death is not the end, but only a new beginning. Came the same voice he'd been hearing all along. But he refused to accept what he knew was coming. Sabatykos' muscles were screaming for rest, and he'd managed to loose a lot of blood from the serious injury he'd sustained. They were both hurt and he knew it too. But Alberdyne Cormyr was simply too big and too strong. Sabatykos needed his edge. Then the hot-blade touched the injury on his chest. The youth screamed despite himself...

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

Dyne flinched for a moment when he heard the scream. He knew that the battle was rapidly approaching its close, but the young man was determined to win this with his own skill. He would not cheat despite his strong temptation to do so. Alberdyne Cormyr was a warrior of honor. He would however, use any of his techniques to win. Dyne knew that to be a truth and a necessary way of life for the warrior.

His teachings as a warrior came back to him as he overlooked his opponent. Memories burned across his peripheral vision. What is this? He saw times he was sparring against his fellow peers, times he was sparring against ruffians, and times he was sparring against training dummies. A particular session burned powerfully through the storm of memories. Dyne observed the mysterious vision and stepped backwards, moving away from his foe.



Dyne, what are you thinking about? Why isn't your mind on the fight?

I-I'm sorry master. I lost control.

Feelings are necessary facts of life, but they are yours to control, not to allow them to control you. Do you understand?

I believe I do.

That's not good enough Alberdyne Cormyr. You must learn to master your feelings if you are to survive...




And that's when he saw it. The vision cleared, but his opponent was already on his feet charging at him. What the fuck just happened? I was completely out of it?! And he saw Sabatykos bounding him with all the resources he could muster. Dyne cursed out loud. "What the fuck was that shit?" Dyne saw that Sabatykos was attempting to press an advantage of any sort. Dyne had given him one inadvertently. He moved in an attempt to center his longsword, but it was already too late.

The vision had given Sabatykos all the time he'd needed. Dyne cursed out loud again. "Fuck!" He prepared for what was coming. He adjusted his sword as best as he could and then let the gods handle the next few moments of the battle. He knew that his parry was half-assed cause he'd been distracted by the vision. What the hell was that?! Dyne wondered and prepared for the impact. He could have ran, but he decided to simply accept his mistake as it was. Something was messing with him throughout this match....

Something...

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Just seconds earlier, something happened. On the floor, once Sabatykos was certain that this battle was lost, he saw that his opponent became very far away. Distracted by something that only Alberdyne Cormyr could see, Sabatykos wondered just what the hell was happening. Deciding that he'd better use the opening that was given, the youth quickly got on his feet, and bounded towards his opponent.

The next few seconds of the match happened very quickly. Sabatykos never meant to attempt to kill his opponent at any one time, but he was attempting to best his opponent in a fair fight. He knew that the other could have played dirty at any moment, but chose not to. Sabatykos quickly covered the distance between the two of them and prepared his next attack.

He took his weapon and made a forward thrusting movement right to the man's chest. Sabatykos was tired, he was hurt, and he just wanted to end this match. It was starting to last forever it seemed, and he could feel the afternoon wearing slowly into eternity. Time seemed to stand still for them whist they fought, maybe that was just a trick of the imagination. He wasn't certain at all.

Without really meaning to, the inventor reached forward and plunged his weapon successfully into the other man's chest. It was the left pectoral muscle, and he'd managed to score a direct hit! Sabatykos came in at an angle, and pushed his weapon all the way in. He moved so that their faces were close once again. Their noses almost touching. "I'm sorry Alberdyne Cormyr. But I really don't want this to last any longer than necessary. We're both hurt, and I just want to finish this match." Sabatykos found himself saying without realizing why. Then, he removed his weapon from the mans' chest, adding further to the devastating injury. Dyne screamed.

[Alberdyne_Cormyr]

When Dyne saw his own blood streaking from Sabatykos' sword, the youth screamed. He felt a tremendous burning pain in his chest. Was this how Sabatykos felt!? No, this is much worse, I'm sure of it. Just what the hell was that vision? Dyne clutched at the fresh injury and knelt down on one knee. He'd been bested. Not only that, but he'd been bested by some kid who was greener than a tree. Dyne shook his head and tried to remain focused. He tried...everything in his power not to fall flat on his ass.

Despite all his best effort, Sabatykos' injury was too great. Dyne found himself rapidly loosing strength as his blood flowed freely. He growled against the pain, clenching his teeth. "I-I'll remember this kid..." And Dyne started to see spots in front of his face. His eyes went distant, he sweated profusely, and his body hit the ground hard...

***

When Alberdyne Cormyr came to next, he wasn't sure just where he was. He wasn't certain of the time, the date, or the year. He just knew that he was alive! Somehow. There was a certain fact of that. The strong odor of potions, alms, and other regents filled his nostrils forcing him to waken from a deep slumber. His eyes focused and at first they were a blur, but when they adjusted he saw he was in a hospital of some kind. The monks were busily moving about the chamber as they took care of this or that patient, and treated this or that injury.

Sensing someone familiar, the youth noticed that Sabatykos Maelstrom was in the bed next to him. The curtains of the operating chamber were opened so that he could see the bandaged up youth. Dyne smiled at his opponent. He waved a warm greeting to the other kid. He didn't notice it, but his parents were there as well. His Mother and Father, speaking to one of the head monks about the situation at hand. They were deeply concerned about Alberdyne Cormyrs' foray into the Citadel and what had prompted it. Dyne reached out to Sabatykos. "H-hey kid. You did real good today." But he was surprised when Sabatykos could only nod in response. There was a huge pack of cold regents against the side of his friend's head. "No hard feelings kid. You got me good." And then Alberdyne felt a wave of exhaustion hit him again. Having no other desire than to sleep, the youth leaned against the pillow and closed his eyes. He felt like he could sleep for an eternity if he had to. When he closed his eyes, there was the sweet comfort of darkness that filled his peripheral vision...

Then, silence.

The End.

[Sabatykos Maelstrom]

Seeing the complete devastating of his attack, Sabatykos was unsure of what to do next. An expression of worry crossed his face as he saw that his opponent was not reacting as skilled as he normally should. Sabatykos kept his sword in his hand, and was pointing it to the ground, blood dripping to the floor. Sabatykos sighed when he saw his opponent fall to the floor, weapon clanging against the ground. Sabatykos immediately went towards Dynes' position. Sabatykos cringed when Dyne cried out in agony. He somehow knew that this battle was over.

Sabatykos looked up at the sky and yelled. "Medic!" He had no idea what else to do. He had never been this far in The Citadel before. So he called out to the monks for help. "Medic! Please help!" Sabatykos called again, and there was a strange energy that passed through the air. For a moment, he could have sworn he saw reality waver for a bit. Then, the energy passed through the air once again, Sabatykos saw that the air fizzled away and the chamber slowly dissolved. Slowly at first, then quickly returned to the original chamber as if someone were peeling reality away.

Sabatykos was in a plain brown chamber with many markings on the ground. There was an observatory room located several feet above him, and several feet away from him. The chamber was quite large. He could not see the ceiling despite the fact that the chamber was well lit. Sabatykos also noticed that the symbols on the floor had a dark red and dark purple glow. They were circular symbols that possessed many markings that were not known to Sabatykos and probably never would be.

Seeing the symbols made Sabatykos wonder just how powerful these monks were that they could manipulate space and time at will. Sabatykos place a hand on Dynes' chest, and waited for the monks to arrive. He heard the doors open up wide with a sudden burst forward. There was a loud commotion, and Sabatykos felt several individuals making their ways abruptly into the chamber. Sabatykos turned his attention towards the monks as they ran towards his position. And finally, due to the blood loss from his own injuries, the boy passed out as well...

***

When Sabatykos came to, he found himself in a bed. There was a female monk placing an ice pack against the side of his head. She had a soft expression on her face that Sabatykos found very comforting. He looked upon the girl and nodded for a moment, but the movement caused a great deal of pain. "Try not to move. You've sustained a very serious head injury there." Sabatykos complied. He did move a little bit to get a better look at his surroundings. In the bed next to him, he saw Alberdyne Cormyr and tried to smile when he realized that the youth would be okay, but his face hurt too much. Again, the thought about what had happened to the boy crossed his mind. He shook the thought off, and decided that all he could do was rest. His body was broken, tired, and exhausted. He looked up at the ceiling and finally, passed out.

The End.

[Taskmienster]

Holy War : Since both of these characters belong to you, I’m going to be just writing the commentary in general as opposed to the individual’s in the thread.


Continuity Sab: 6 | Dyne: 4.5

As I comment in your action setting, it doesn’t feel like you have a grasp on the characters. Their backgrounds are really uninspired, and though a battle is a hard way to display continuity, there was nothing besides what you had for Sab in regards to continuity.

Setting Sab: 4 | Dyne: 3

Lacking, and other than one portion at the beginning with an apple, I had no clue what was going on with the setting of the battle. Other than that, only Sab had any really setting displayed, and that was through the very technical manual-esque way you described where he was before the Citadel.

Pacing Sab: 5 | Dyne: 5

There are times when you’re writing style offers the reader really short bursts of sentences, at inopportune times. It’s a little unnerving in the fact that there are plenty of times when you could have elaborated and everything would have made a little more sense. For example, from your first post:

“Sabatykos recited the dream to the Elder. Zenthum Prisido who was observing the whole class before them.” :: The second sentence in this was short, I’d say grammatically it’s a sentence but it really feels like a fragment. I think it would have been better if you had put a comma instead of a period before the italicized name.

Dialogue Sab: 6 | Dyne: 6

You do this often, and it’s a grammatical problem in your dialogue. This is from your first post;

“"Do you understand the old Ethical Scrolls written by your forefathers?" The man said. "Aye Sir. I do. What child of my age doesn't by now?" Sabatykos said, challenging the man's question. "Recite the precepts then."” :: You continue a two person dialogue at the end of a paragraph instead of simply making a new paragraph as it should be. It makes it really confusing for those reading. Split separate people’s dialogue up.

Also, you shouldn’t have dialogue in the middle of a paragraph. It should be at the beginning, end, or set apart completely.

Action Sab: 5 | Dyne: 5

The action was pretty basic back and forth. There wasn’t anything really outstanding that I, as a reader not a judge, found interesting enough to really make notes about. There wasn’t anything because the technique really was lacking completely by both accounts. I’d suggest working on really getting a feel for who your characters are so that you can bring them to life for real. How it is, the characters are bland and kinda boring, no offense, but nothing personality wise that makes them stand out.

Persona Sab: 4 | Dyne: 4

See comments above.

Technique Sab: 4 | Dyne: 4

Your writing style with Sab needs that flair that you have with Lorenor, but probably not as thick and bluntly as you write with him. He’s a different character, a different type of person, but the narrative that you write with him seems to be lackluster. For example, from the first post:

“Karshook was an Inventor god worshiped largely by the Saenorakym Prime culture. A statue of the deity was erected in the center of the township. It was in the primary aspect of Elder Karshook, the Inventor and their long-revered creator. He was created in the traditional aspect.” :: There is more before and after that I didn’t add in… but if you read that out loud you’ll hear what I see when I read it. It’s technically perfect, but it’s also something I could find in a technical manual. It just needs something more to it in order to really make it something that draws the reader. This is an example of that, and the short choppy sentences, your technique has a direct correlation with the pace.

Mechanics Sab: 7 | Dyne: 7.5

“His religion stated that the Thayne, all though heresy, were to be respected as Pagan Gods.” From the first post :: all though should be ‘although’, also… you say that his religion “all thought heresy, were to be respected…” How can you respect something that’s heresy to your religion? It doesn’t really make sense to me.

Clarity Sab: 7 | Dyne: 8

Something I notice often in your writing is that you have a very good idea and grasp of human anatomy, but it’s misplaced at times in your writing. Technical terms such as “zygomatic arch”, which was used in your first post, is something that I as a reader and no study in anatomy have no clue what you’re talking about. Try and remember that specific terms like that make me confused as a reader, and have to stop reading in order to figure out what that is… or simply ignore your word and carry on confused.

Wild Card Sab: 5 | Dyne: 5

Score:

Sab: 53

Dyne: 52

Rewards:

Sabatykos: 500 exp | 150 gold

Alberdyne: 175 exp | 75 gold

[Taskmienster]

Exp and Gp added!