"These Hands..." Solo Discussion Thread

[Eruvilui]

So I saw a thread like this one earlier, and I thought it sounded like a good idea. I apologize, but I am on a work computer that doesn't let me view the web address of my thread, so I can't post a link. It is the thread "These Hands That Are Holding You" in Scara Brae. I will post a link when I am on a computer that can, or if someone would be so kind as to post one in the first reply that'd be great. I have noticed that there are a pretty healthy number of views already, so hopefully you guys that read it will comment.

I pretty much know what I am going to do with the story, but I'd like to get feedback on what people think about my writing style. Positive and negative comments are desired, and while I would like to say I'll try to please everyone I know that I can't, so I won't.

Thank you all in advance for your comments and I hope you enjoy the first chapter in the story of Eruvilui Megiltura.

[Aiko]

Here's a thread link, since you are unable to get it yourself:

http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=19353

[Eruvilui]

Oh, thank you so much! I really appreciate it :D Did you happen to have time to read my work?

[Aiko]

Not yet. RL keeps me busy at the moment. :(

[The International]

Disclaimer: I am NOT a professional. This is just my personal opinion, which you asked for.You're going to get a pretty good score on that solo if you keep up the good work. I really like how you decided to start from a point of view other than you player character. For a moment I wasn't sure what was going on, so before I even finished the first post I read your character profile. It didn't take me long to put two and two together though. The beginning monologue was great, and it flowed into the actual narrative quite well. That should mean quite a bit coming from me because I hate internal dialogue. It just reminds me of Speed Racer and other old corny anime where they try to fill up time with internal thoughts. You started with internal dialogue, and I liked it.

As your character entered I began to realize where you're about to take the story. I hope it goes well for you.

[Eruvilui]

Haha, well thank you so much. I had watched Fight Club the night before I made that intro post, and I used Edward Norton's monologue about insomnia as my inspiration for the opener with a fantasy twist. It literally just came to me, pure luck :D I made another minor Fight Club reference when I described the character as "made of dough".