Freedom (solo)

[Jillian Verna]

~~~~~ Arrival ~~~~~

They stood outside the gate for a long time. Abigail Verna wept silently, wiping the tears away before they could smear her makeup too badly. Her black dress, falling down to her ankles, ruffled slightly in the breeze. Edwin Verna was likewise dressed in black. His finest black suit, tie, slacks, and shined shoes boasted of considerable wealth. He even sported a cane made of the liviol wood that was so hard to come by. The married couple was perfectly dressed for a funeral.

Standing idly next to Edwin, his daughter gazed at the tall, wiry black gate, feeling more anger than fear. Past the gate stood Mortileu Hospital, one of the grandest hospitals in Scara Brae. It was to be the little girl’s new home for the time being. She spat through the black poles, onto the cobblestone entry road beyond.

“Jillian, show some respect. This place is going to do you some real good,” her father stated sternly.

A stout, proud man appeared from the front doors of the hospital, strolling merrily toward the gate to let the family in. He was fairly well-known amongst his peers, but was still ahead of his prime. The medical world called him a prodigy. His birth certificate called him Milo Thurmond.

“Well hello there,” he said cheerfully, beckoning for one of the operators of the pulley-based gate to open it. “You must be Mr. and Mrs. Verna. How do you do?” He gave a quick bow before shaking Mr. Verna’s hand.

“We’re well. I do thank you for taking Jillian in. We simply don’t know where to begin. She’s…” Milo put a finger to his lips to signal that Edwin didn’t need to say anymore.

“We’ll get to that. Introductions first, I say.” He leaned forward a bit, lowering his already short body and brought his face to the girl’s level. “So you must be Jillian. I must say it’s a pleasure to meet you finally. You sure look like a fine young lady.”

The nine year old snarled at the doctor, causing him to back away a bit. “My name’s not Jillian.”

“Really?” He turned back toward Mr. Verna.

“She’s been at it for a while now. Sometimes she’s Jillian. Other times, she’s… just not.” The girl’s father seemed nervous.

“Very interesting,” was all that Milo felt was necessary to say. “Well, come along, whoever you are. We’ll talk about anything you want soon.” He outstretched his hand for the girl.

She looked at the three adults, knowing she had no choice but to obey. For all her pent up rage, she was still a small child. Her hand embraced the doctor’s, and the two started to walk away.

“Good bye, honey. We'll visit you soon," her mother finally said. "I’ll always love you.”

Milo stopped to allow the daughter to say her goodbye. She turned and looked at her parents. “When I get out of her, I’m going to kill you.”

[Jillian Verna]

~~~~~ Year Eleven, Day Two-hundred and fifty-seven since Arrival ~~~~~

Jillian Verna shuffled in line with the other residents of Mortileu Hospital’s ward for the mentally ill. A few hungrily looked ahead at the food trays prepared, but most didn’t seem to notice anything at all. The twenty one year old was one of the latter. The repetitiveness of her life in the hospital made life taste stale and the food consisted of even less. Meals were received three times a day, always at the same times. Even most of their medication was the same, with one exception.

Jillian unknowingly took a drug that kept her personality disorder under control. Milo Thurmond, the now widely recognized expert in experimental medicine, had created the simple pill, but never disclosed his invention with the Verna family. Now he was using Edwin Verna’s money for other experimentations with various other illnesses. Mr. Verna’s daughter remained a captive, forced to dwell on the thoughts of her family's abandonment.

“Aye, Jillian. How’s you’re day going? Anything exciting?” Roufo, a greased and sweaty “chef” leaned across the luncheon counter, pushing a tray toward the patient. A large brown mole protruded from his lower left chin, bobbing up and down as he spoke. Jillian stared at him blankly, not in the mood for the man’s usual midday banter.

“Alrigh’, I’ll see ya tomorrow then!” he called as she took the tray and walked to an empty table at the edge of the small cafeteria.

She didn’t bother to look around. No one would bother her for the remainder of the hour. The other patients hardly knew what was going on and some would have to be walked to a table and helped with their lunch. Behind thick glass walls, a few doctors would walk by, occasionally looking in on a patient that happened to be theirs, but usually on their way to different wards.

She looked down at the wheat bread, cheese and thinly sliced ham, enough ingredients to make a sandwich. She heard one tray clatter to the floor as a patient lost patience in trying to piece the three food item puzzle together. There were no knives or utensils of any sort in which to cut the bread, so she tore the piece in two, placing the meat and cheese inside. The food went down blandly and without any interruption other than the occasional cry from a demented individual that didn’t concern her. A glass of water and a few pills and vitamins were all that remained on the tray when a nurse walked into the caged room, letting everyone know that lunch was over. Making sure no one was looking in her direction, she popped the vitamins in her mouth and pocketed the one pill that could control her mental state. She then downed the glass of water to the last drop before getting up and getting back into the same forced line that they had entered in.

Hands in pockets, she played with the two pills she had collected so far for the day. The third would come at dinner. She didn’t understand what the pills were, being that she felt as normal as one could feel while imprisoned in a mental hospital. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was fed up with her life being wasted. Whatever the pills did, she decided she’d be better off without them for the time being. Her focus now, was on an escape.

“Mrs. Verna, come here now. Its time to go to the recreational room. You know that by now.” Ashley, a young nurse with only a few months of experience with the hospital put her hand on Jillian’s shoulder to turn her around.

Not wanting to give away her plans, she looked at the ward’s exit longingly before turning back around. She could get away from the annoyingly nice nurse easily enough, but she would have no chance of getting completely out of the hospital before getting caught by someone. She needed to figure out a way to sneak out without drawing attention. Dragging her feet, she and Ashley came to their destination. The patients were dropped off there, accompanied with two muscular men capable of small medical tasks and keeping order at the same time. Having never caused any problems before, the men didn’t know her.

The afternoon session of staring at the outside world through the barred window did nothing to change that, and a few hours later she found herself following the same meal routine for dinner, making sure to hoard her third pill. After dinner, she made her way to her room without instruction, her plan to escape hatching in her mind.

[Jillian Verna]

Most patients in the hospital had their own rooms, though many needed to be under constant surveillance so as not to injure themselves. Jillian closed the door to her room and sat on her bed, knowing there would be no one to watch over her for the night. She was a model citizen amongst the demented.

She waited and waited, listening to the staff deal with some troublesome patients in nearby rooms. Eventually, as darkness crept in through her barred window, the halls outside fell silent and she decided it was time to move. Making her way to the heavy wooden door, she pulled it open with agonizing slowness, determined to not make a sound. A stench crawled through the cracks of one patient's door and wafted to Jillian's nostrils, signaling a bedtime accident. No one stood in the narrow, white hallway and she hurried to the end, before pausing momentarily. With her hand on the door’s handle to the next hall, she froze, seemingly transfixed on the brass knob. For a split second, her mind paused and her eyes went blank. Then the girl slowly sobered up and looked around, bewilderment encompassing her face.

“Where am I?” She asked herself. The young woman took several moments, trying to piece together the events that could have put her in such a precarious position. Nothing she thought of made sense.

Suddenly, the knob started to twist and someone from the other side pulled the door open, revealing the lost patient to a youthful Ashley. The youth drained from the nurse’s face as she nearly toppled into the girl dressed only in a frilly hospital gown.

“What are you doing out here?” Ashley breathed through clenched teeth, as though she were a teenager talking to a troublemaking friend during school.

“I don’t know…” the patient stated calmly, eyeing Ashley with suspicion.

“Come on Jillian, you need to get back into your room. You can get in some real trouble if someone like Milo Thurmond sees you out here.”

The patient's eyes narrowed, anger and confusion showing in the twitch at the corner of her mouth. “What did you just say?”

Ashley shrank back a bit, seeing a mental patient with violence written all over her face. “I’m just trying to help you…”

The patient quickly dove into the nurse and Ashley’s head banged onto the tile floor as the two fell to the ground. Dazed, she wasn’t able to react in time before a fist knocked her out completely. Pushing herself off of the ground, the patient stood over the unconscious nurse for a moment. “My name isn’t Jillian. Its Elena.”

[Jillian Verna]

Still confused, she ran down the second hall and escaped to the other side of another door. Only a second later, a staff member came out of an office to find the crumpled young nurse. She sprinted down a flight of stairs to a lower floor, listening to shouts answered with more shouting up above. Just as she reached the bottom, a short, balding man came flying around the corner in an attempt to find out what was going on. The two figures stopped, and Elena immediately recognized the man responsible for her “care.”

“Jillian! What are you doing here?” Milo took a step backward, unsure of his patient.

“Why is everyone calling me Jillian?” Elena barked murderously, hating every fiber of the doctor’s being, but needing answers.

The doctor seemed to immediately recognize the situation. “It’s the reason you’ve spent so many years here, darling. You forget who you are and find yourself in dangerous situations without our help. Please, allow us to keep working with you. I’m sure we’ll find a way to fix your problem, but you have to trust me.”

“I know exactly who I am.” She took a step forward, causing Milo to retreat further.

“And who, might I ask, are you?” The doctor asked in a way that suggested he might already know the answer.

“I’m Elena Verna. How could you think otherwise? I've never had any other name or known of anyone that could be confused with me.” She took two more steps forward and Milo noticed the ghastly white knuckles of a tight fist.

Knowing the violence Elena was capable of, he quickly decided the truth might stall her from attacking. “You have multiple personalities… Elena. Jillian is your birth name but you have called yourself many others. When you are Jillian, you don’t remember having been told about this and I have never told any of your other personalities. I don’t know if you’ll remember this once you change again, but that’s why we need you here, taking your pills. They keep you in your current state, free from the random dangers that your multiple personalities are capable of causing.”

Elena’s angry advances faltered. She knelt on one knee and began to shake, slowly absorbing the information. It was impossible to think about, impossible to accept. She knew exactly who she was. She had twenty-one years of memories to back up her existence. For a moment, she didn't know how to react, as the shock amounted to a physical pain. He's lying. She opened her mouth to say something, but only a painful gasp came out as a body flew into her from behind, cruelly interrupting such a massive discovery.

“I got her!” One of the mental ward’s guards proclaimed, pinning her down as another man came to help keep the struggling patient in place.

Elena started shrieking out of hatred, sweat trickling down her face and mingling with tears. Men and women began to swirl around her as her bleary eyes blurred her vision. A prick on the side of her neck brought her into complete unconsciousness and Milo slowly pulled the tranquilizer out of her.

“Its ok now," he stated more to himself than those around him. "Her medicine was in that shot as well as a sedative. Tomorrow, she won’t remember this and life will go on as usual.”

He doubted it even as he said it.

[Jillian Verna]

~~~~~ Year Eleven, Day Two-hundred and fifty-eight since Arrival ~~~~~

The situation the night before had left him restless for the remainder of the night, much to the annoyance of his wife. Mrs. Thurmond was a token, a symbol of his advances into the higher rankings of Scarabrian life. She had taken no pity when he arrived home, still recoiling from the troublesome events. She wasn’t mean spirited, but simply not intelligent enough to grasp any sort of deep emotion coming from her husband. She was a nuisance to be around at best, unknowingly encouraging him to return to the hospital at an earlier hour than he would have preferred.

“What to do, what to do…”

Dr. Thurmond paced in his office, unsure of himself for the first time in his recent memory. It was his one private place, where he could find solace, and where one small flick of the lock could bar the rest of the world from disturbing his thoughts. Pinned to the pure white walls were awards and marks of honor, bestowed upon him for his medical genius. On the subject of medicinal technology and the discoveries of numerous cures to a variety of diseases, he had found no equal. His anxious thoughts only dwelled on one such advancement, undisclosed to any except his most immediate and trusted colleagues.

“What to do, what to do…”

His patient’s medical records, charts and random tidbits of information lay scattered over his personalized desk, made of the finest redwood from the forests of Akashima. Resting on top of Jillian’s paperwork was a half written correspondence meant for Edwin Verna. A feathered quill was left in the small vial of ink next to the unfinished letter.

“No, no, no…”

There were too many issues to fear at once. The Verna family may have left their daughter to rot in Mortileu Hospital, but they still feigned interest every few months, in the form of letters asking about her health. He would now have to lie about more than his private discovery of her cure. An attempted escape could only be covered up once, and only if everyone involved could keep quiet. The girl, Ashley, would need to be moved elsewhere. Perhaps he could place her in Raiaera, Salvar, or Corone, where medical staff was in high demand to deal with the costly wars. Anywhere but here…

Then there was the actual issue of Jillian herself and whatever changes she was going through. Ever since her arrival, she had been aloof, yet obedient. She had made it so incredibly easy for the doctor to convince her mother and father of the need to live at the hospital. She had never asked questions. Something must have been bothering her.

“I’ll have to talk to her, soon.” The memory of Jillian’s most violent personality, on the verge of attacking him, sent a chill down his spine. “It’ll have to be today.”

[Jillian Verna]

~~~~~ That afternoon ~~~~~

“Who are you?”

She didn’t answer right away. The patient stared at the short doctor sitting in front of her. He looked ill, tired, and most of all, scared. She couldn’t understand what he might be so afraid of. Sitting on the opposite side of a rather long table, her hands were bound to the armrests on either side of her sturdy, oak chair. Her legs were likewise tied to the front legs of the uncomfortable seat. The twine was tight, disallowing her limbs the chance to make even the smallest amount of movement. At the door stood one of the hospital’s burly guards, a muscle hidden under a second-rate suit, expressing nothing but a mean face. No, she couldn’t understand what was making the sweat slowly drip from Milo’s forehead, creating a tiny puddle on his side of the table.

“Please dear, tell me. Who are you?”

She had woken with a start earlier that morning, from what she initially considered just a bad dream. Memories of knocking out a frail nurse and trying to escape without knowing what prompted such an endeavor came back to her. She could remember meeting her doctor, her caretaker, at the bottom of a stairwell. She remembered his quick explanation of her illness and of the dangers she was capable of causing to herself and others if she didn’t cooperate. She remembered her name. Elena.

Her attention returned to Milo Thurmond as he asked his question for a third time, his voice wrought with worry. “Who am I?” She repeated, wondering what dangers the truth could bring her. “I’m Jillian. Why would you ask such a thing?”

She noticed the relief spread over his face as smoothly as melted butter. Almost at once, the sweating came to a stop, and his eyes softened. “Good, good,” she barely heard him mumble to himself. Then he spoke much more audibly, assuming his more commanding nature. “Jillian, you’re probably wondering why I’ve called for you. I know we haven’t had something serious to talk about for some time.”

He looked at her, waiting for a reply. Elena wondered what she could say that would help her charade, but decided to stay silent.

Milo sternly continued, “Jillian, do you remember anything from last night?”

She faked a seemingly confused “No.”

“We had a bit of a disturbance last night.” He paused, wanting to choose his words carefully. “Last night, you assaulted one of our nurses and tried to escape.”

She let out a false gasp.

Milo’s voice softened. “You’ve been here for a long time, haven’t you? Almost twelve years, if I’m not mistaken?” He stopped again, waiting for a reply. Again, she stayed silent. “We’ve made some real progress, or so I thought. These… disturbances, they stopped not too long after we took you in. Tell me, is there something troubling you? Did something happen recently that we need to look into?”

“Twelve years…” she said softly, bowing her head. These were questions she could answer honestly. Her gaze returned to the doctor. “Tell me Milo, how happy would you be if you were forced to spend the majority of your life in my shoes? Would you dream of one day leaving and starting a real life? Or would you wallow and waste away until the end of your days?”

The words seemed to hit him harder than any physical blow she was capable of. He looked away, and she noticed the quivering in the wrinkles around his eyes. That’s why he’s afraid.

He shook off the expression rather quickly, burying his emotions for the present. “I would do what was best for my health. If living at the hospital was for my benefit, then yes, I would stay.”

Elena shook her head. She had to be careful not to ask something Jillian might already know, but also not to suggest that she knew something Jillian shouldn’t. “How, then, is living here for my benefit?” It was a safe question. Even if Jillian knew of her mental illness, she would simply appear stubborn. Whatever she knows, I need to know. She balled a fist, hidden underneath the length of the table. And whatever she doesn’t know, I still need to know.

[Jillian Verna]

Milo looked at his patient for some time, wondering how much information was safe for him to give her. There was something worrisome about Jillian’s manner. Something about her suggested that he was walking a very thin line. The memories of the night before were still fresh in his mind; the image of the girl before him was tarnished to a degree. I told Elena too much last night. She could be even more dangerous. No, Jillian needs to know everything, for her own safety.

“Jillian,” he began, preparing to expose more to her than he had ever considered. “I’m going to need to you stay calm with what I’m going to tell you. I’ve told you bits and pieces of this before, but for some reason you haven’t been able to remember any of it. I need you to listen carefully and to try as hard as you can to maintain this knowledge I’m about to give you.”

“About twelve years ago, your mother and father brought you to me, hoping I could help discover something… strange about you, something they couldn’t explain. Not long after, I realized that you had a multiple personality disorder. This is something I’ve told you before, but whenever your personality changes, that knowledge seems to be wiped away.” He took a moment, allowing his words to sink in. She looked shocked, but took the information surprisingly well. Maybe this won’t be so hard.

“Now, when I say multiple personalities, I mean you have several identities, all just as real to you as your primary one. You, Jillian, are the original identity, the one originating at birth. As you’ve aged however, your brain has developed in a significantly different way than most people. I haven’t discovered how it happened, but your mind has created new identities. Each one, when it takes over, is its own person entirely. None have any knowledge of any other personalities. I’ve studied them vigilantly, hoping to learn of what causes them to come out when they do. At the moment, I still don’t know what brings them out. Now, the time for slow studies may be at an end. What happened last night was the cause of one of those personalities taking over, and it was a dangerous one. For that reason, I think it’s necessary that you know who your other personalities are.”

Milo slowly stood, pulling a page out of the suitcase resting to the side of his chair. Quickly scanning over the notes, he made sure they contained what he wanted Jillian to know. Then he made his way to her side of the table, laying the page down in front of her to allow her to read it.

Esmeralda seems to be the most noble of the group. She’s the do-gooder, the knight in shining armor, the one that would help old folk across the busier Scarabrian streets. She’s also pretty darn smart.

Kris is talkative, extremely talkative. She just won’t stop running that mouth of hers. She jumps around and acts like a kid 24/7. She’s giving me a headache right now.

Sara is the saddest of the bunch. There isn’t much to talk about with her. She’s too depressed to do anything. It’s hard to keep her healthy, since she doesn’t want to eat.

Abigail is the cowardly lion. A rat in her room would spook her and send her wailing. It’s hard to hear what she has to say a lot of the time, with her sobbing and chattering teeth. Of course, it’s not hard to know what she’s talking about, since it’s always about what’s scaring her.

Avery is too inappropriate to deal with. No one, male or female is off limits for this sex demon. I can’t stand listening to her vulgar talk either.

I can’t leave anything lying around with Tara. It always ends up in her pockets.

Elena is one of the most dangerous of the group. Cunning, she’s very capable of handling herself in rough spots, though her morals are a bit absent.

There’s one that doesn’t have a name, at least, hasn’t given us one, since she doesn’t speak. She’s tried to kill everyone that’s come near her, since the beginning of her arrival inside Jillian. I’m not sure if this one is a personality or a demon possessing her. It’s rare that it comes out; it can’t be allowed to be free.

He stood silent for a while, allowing her to read the notes on all the individuals that cluttered his patient’s mind. He didn’t see the slight smile when she got close to the end and slowly slid the page away. He retrieved it and returned to his side of the table.

[Jillian Verna]

“The incident last night was caused by Elena. For some reason that I’ll ask about later, you refrained from taking your pills during your meals. Those pills are what keep your personalities at bay and everyone around you safe. They are the reason you must stay here, in this hospital.” He paused.

“Again I digress. Right now I want us to focus on something new. You may have noticed that those pills weren’t a part of your breakfast or lunch today. That was my doing, as I want to try a new form of treatment. I believe that we can find a way to control these other personalities without the pills. The medicine I gave you last night has most likely worn off by now, and so I believe you are near a personality change. I believe that, with some practice, you and I can find a way to restrain those personalities. One day, maybe, we could find a way to eliminate them altogether. Today though, let’s just focus on stopping the switch. It’ll be up to you. You’ll have to figure out what the beginning of the switch feels like, and put a stop to it immediately. If it doesn’t work, we’ll try again another day.”

She couldn’t believe it. He was giving her everything, every possible scrap of ammo he possibly could give. He was offering her help in eliminating the others. Yes Milo, we’ll take them out, Jillian included. When all is said and done, I’ll be alone in this head of mine, and you… you’ll learn how grateful a prisoner of twelve years can be.

They sat there, looking at each other for quite some time. Neither spoke, for there wasn’t anything left to be said. Milo had given her the mission and now all they could do was wait.

…and wait, and wait, and wait…

There was no telling how long it might take for her personality to change. They were in the middle of a new study, an experiment never tried before. Elena wondered if she’d remember anything if she failed the first attempt and Milo seemed to think of the same thing.

“Above all else, Jillian, try to hold onto what I’ve told you. This will most likely take practice, and many more attempts before you understand what to look for and how to react. If you can’t remember, it’ll be like starting all over again.”

They waited some more…

At some point, the otherwise silent guard’s stomach growled, letting them all know it was nearing time for dinner. The guard was sent out, instructed to find someone to bring them a meal. Milo seemed to feel a bit safer in the room with Jillian, sensing trust between them, and having a plan in motion. He was a man of discovery after all. Medical breakthroughs were his greatest source of joy, the definition of his life. The meals were brought in and they ate in silence. Elena received the typical bread, cheese, and ham, with a surprising addition of lettuce. The guard untied the bonds on her arms, allowing her to eat on her own. She obliged to eat the meal rather than try anything foolish. As she chewed the sandwich, she was able to taste the bread and cheese as they grated between her teeth. She salivated a bit as the salted, tender ham touched her tongue, and the fresh lettuce crunched in her mouth, water bursting from the thin greens. So this is what knowledge tastes like. How delightful.

Elena sneered, forgetting who she was supposed to be acting like for the moment. Swallowing, the food felt odd as it slid down her throat. Something inside tickled, and she forced her bite down before coughing. The tickle grew into a tug, as though something was trying to choke her from the inside, but the food wasn’t the cause. Oh God. She didn’t have a chance. She felt something in her mentality tug violently and her consciousness was ripped from her body. Milo flew from his seat, sending his own meal flying, and he ran over to the blank eyed patient.

“Fight it!”

It was too late. He watched as the life returned to his eyes and the girl before him looked around in confusion. The first attempt was unsuccessful. It wasn’t something to cheer about, but his ambition wasn’t deterred. He motioned to the guard, who quickly tied the girl’s arms back to the chair before she could react. She looked terrified by her new surroundings, unable to remember how she got there.

Milo cleared his throat loudly, drawing her attention. “Tell me girl, what is your name?”

Dazed and confused, she mumbled something inaudibly. Milo came closer. “Hmm?”

“My name? Its Jillian… Why?”

With that question, Milo Thurmond’s world froze.

[Jillian Verna]

“What is your last memory?” He asked after a few minutes of deliberation.

Jillian seemed unsure of answering.

“It’s ok dear. You aren’t in trouble. I just need to know what your last memory is.”

“I… I was trying to escape. I left my room and made my way down the hall. Then… it all went blank.” Her eyes darted around the room fearfully, landing on the guard, on the doctor, and on the rope keeping her in place.

Milo took several more minutes in silence. Oh my God, who did I speak to? Who did I tell? His mind raced over the possibilities. Which of them would have lied? His mind quickly cleared some of the clutter. Which one is that… cunning? His mind replayed the events of the previous night. He remembered his injection of medicine when he sedated her. Elena…

“I’m such a fool!” he exclaimed without intending to.

“I’m sorry?” Jillian muttered, obviously even more confused.

“Just a second.” he absently replied, still dwelling on his mistake. Could she remember? Could she come back, knowing everything? Sweat no longer dribbled down his forehead, but poured. His hands visibly shook, and the guard seemed agitated by the doctor’s uncanny behavior. What is she capable of? I told her so much. I told her she might be able to wipe out the other personalities. Something dawned on him.

“Jillian! I must tell you everything!”

“I’m sorry?” she said again, this time fearful. Milo was disheveled, crazed even.

“We must learn how to destroy her, before she learns how to destroy you!”

He sat on the table, exposing everything for the second time, along with Elena’s responses. For the next hour, Jillian's face would exhibit new shades of pale she had never experienced before.

~~~~~

“… and for all that, we must find a way to stop Elena. She’s dangerous, Jillian, willing to kill if need be. Here,” he pulled a small bottle from his pocket, twisted off the lid, and took out one of her pills. “Take this. We can’t afford her the chance to come back.”

Jillian obeyed, still wary of the entire situation. “So, if I were to take these pills for the rest of my life,” a tear strolled down her cheek, “I could be free?”

“No, Elena,” Milo responded sternly. It was true; he could possibly supply her with pills for the rest of her life if she stayed in Scara Brae. His years of deceit would be exposed though. Her parents would learn of it and he’d be accused of taking their countless payments to support her unneeded stay. He would be jailed, humiliated, and thrown from his profession without mercy. “No,” he whispered. “You must stay here. It’s for your own good.”

[Jillian Verna]

Elena opened her eyes, but there was nothing to see. Blackness seemed to swirl around her, but it was nothing. There was… nothing. She realized she had been replaced. Another personality had taken over. She was simply… there, in the mind with no control. Except… now she was aware of it. She hadn’t known about the blackness before. She concentrated… but nothing happened. She focused… tried to find her way back… but couldn’t. She wondered if, perhaps, it would be better to simply forget.

NO!

Forgetting was out of the question. There was an opportunity in her new knowledge. She only needed to seek it out. Taking her body back over seemed out of the question. Her will was blocked as though a wall stood in her way. She tried to feel a way past it, but to no avail.

The pills?

It was the only explanation she could come up with. The knowledge was still new to her. She still had a lot to learn before she could lay claim to the body as her own. She let the desire for control slip away. Instead, she focused simply on knowing what was going on. She concentrated on what was happening outside of the body. The response was immediate. She was able to realize that Jillian was now in control. She could hear the stupid girl’s one liners, her inability to fully comprehend what was going on. She could hear Milo speaking. She, Elena, was able to comprehend everything.

This is more like it.

She let the outside world disappear from her thoughts. There was nothing else to learn from there for the moment. She wondered where all the other personalities were. She had expected it to be cramped. A person’s brain wasn’t exactly large after all.

Where are they?

Once again, her thoughts were spot on. She was able to detect laughter, the childish one. She noted depression, fear, nobility, and greed. Her consciousness brushed up against the lustful one.

Slut.

There was supposed to be one more. The one Milo was scared and unsure of. The one he called a demon. She tried to think about it, to locate it. It eluded her mindful sight for some time. Then she felt it. A burning hatred crashed over her, tried to smother her. She backed away. She tried to feel for it from a distance and it came after her for a second time. It was aware of her.

Oh shit.

She fled, if that was the right word. She had no body, no legs to carry her away. She felt herself escape somehow though. The demonic one was different from the rest, but it didn’t continue after her. It was still trapped, as if chained to a small area, just like the others.

I’ve got the best chance to take this body.

She only needed to bide her time. There would be a slip up somewhere. A missed pill would be enough. Eventually, she’d be in control again.

I’m as free as I could ever hope to be.





Spoils: Three of her pills, hidden underneath the mattress in her room.

Note: The switching between Jillian's and Milo's point of view was intentional. Hopefully I did it right.

[Duffy]

Judgement

Well, as promised, here we are. I understand this is your first thread, and unless you're a more experienced player under an alt, please feel free to pm me at any time if you're curious as to how the scores were worked out, or how the comments below fit in with the rubric we use to award xp/gold with, I'd be happy to go through it with you! So, on we go:

Story (16/30)

Continuity (7) With each reference back neatly in place and the characters you establish not simply fading from view at the drop of the hat, you score higher hear for maintaining the status quo. I was beginning to fear you’d simply opened with the scene at the gates, and were going to not mention the parents again, but the simple ‘going to kill you’ line and the later reference to the occasional and half-bothered letters salvaged it on the whole. A good effort.

Setting (4) Here you scored the lowest for barely bringing your surroundings to life. Of course, I understand that this is a inner, reflective piece establishing the turmoil your character is undergoing, but beyond concrete noun and simple, visceral and gutting description, there’s nothing to really give your location a sense of morbid, longing depression that you might expect, no hint of damp on the walls, rats in the floorboards, creaking, cold and dusty corridors and the reactive and hollow footsteps of the nurses on their nightly rounds.

Pacing (5) Nothing stood out or detracted, with five being the average score, you can improve on the mark by embracing a more fluidic dialogue, and hopefully, in future posts, there will be less need to jump time. I didn’t subtract for that reason as I assume this to be an establishing ‘background’ post, more on this in the character scoring.

Character (19/30)

Dialogue (6) Well constructed and thought out dialogue. As I’ve commented on other threads, I am uncertain and unsure how modern day speech and idioms interacts in what essentially a fantasy setting. You’re free to create characters and settings as you deem fit of course, but your reader cannot be expected to always suspend their belief to replace familiar and common modern turns of phrase for what might be expected in the setting. This story, with the exception of a few scattered references to demons and to the other regions of Althanas, could almost be a modern soap opera, and whilst there’s nothing inherently wrong or right with that, you can improve your score (which is above average as stands) by reigning that in and speaking in setting, either by finding more archaic words for meals/hospital paraphernalia, (to bring a more 1800 Italian surgery to life) or by using more specific references and historical events from the Althanas background, it’s up to you. Tie this in with setting, describe hints of carnal operating theatres and suspicious stains on the rotting wood chairs in some ancient balcony or the like.

Action (6) I gave six not for any physical motion, but the transition between perspective, character personality and transition between emotions, feelings and the responses from the doctor to Miss Verna’s effervescent persona. You don’t need to hit and punch and run to have ‘action,’ and you’ve supplemented this well to score above average. I’ve no particular comment to add, you’ve set a good grounding for yourself here.

Persona (7) Although you scored higher here than the other sections of the rubric for ’character,’ there is still plenty of scope to improve. You’ve lain down the foundations for a very complex and narcissistic personality, that of Elena, and to improve your writing, nether mind the rubric for a moment, you can take onboard the comments above and personalise Elena to she feels almost as alive as Jillian, alive in the sense of having a body, of having blood and guts. I’m not suggesting you’ve done it, but in the future be careful that no personality drowns out another in presence, unless of course it’s part of the story, as foreshadowed in the rather fetching post no.10!

Writing Style (20/30)

Technique (6) Solid but understated technique. No advance use of grammatical rhythm, not helped by a low setting score. The opening post gained most of the attention and praise, the juxtaposition between a happy, vibrant city and the ‘dressed for a funeral’ parents at the gates reminded me of a happy industrial Ireland and a Catholic family sending their girl to metaphorical purgatory. Perhaps reflect on that, and try pathetic fallacy (using the weather to accent emotion or action, like claps of thunder or ominous outbursts of rain) to deepen the sense that this hospital she’s in really is not a good place to be, and not just in the opinion of it’s inmates.

Mechanics (8) Meticulous, virtually no letter or pixel out of place. You’ve evidently had the curtsey to pay attention and proof read your work, which is a lot more than I can muster! Didn’t award 9 due to a lower technique score and no real use of trivial or advanced mechanics, as it stands though, you don’t need to learn of any or complicate what is otherwise a goods story and thread. As time goes on and you get more comfortable (and improve, as we all do) perhaps you could explore one or two things, although exactly what eludes me.

Clarity (6) Despite the time jump, and the switch between both perspective and character, it remained a clear and easy read, something I will no doubt continue to be curious about, should you be kind enough to write a second!

Wild Card (6)

Total: 61


Spoils: Approved.

Jillian gains 605 xp and 120 gold, congratulations!

[Taskmienster]

Exp and GP added!