Rocks off their rocker

[Josef ben Loewe]

Solo quest: “The beasts” from Jya’s Keep (http://www.althanas.com/world/showthread.php?t=19552).
Timestamp: roughly 4 years ago, 590 Post-Vadhya.
Somewhere in the Fallien desert, north-east of Irrakam...

Thump… thump… thump…

A lone being walked through the sandy desert of Fallien. The mere presence of the stubborn entity tempted the scorching sun who fiercely tried to punish him for it - but he did not take much notice of it. He did not crawl on its last reserve, desperately looking for the life saving miracle known as an oasis. And even though he walked barefooted on the searing sand, his feet were not covered in blisters and burns. No, he just walked and somehow he appeared content, even happy.

While it must have been a strange sight, it was in fact purely natural. For how can sand burn sand? How can the sun punish stone? It was not a person made of mere flesh and bone who dared to cross the desert at its hottest hours. It was sand and stone itself, moving willfully and consciously: a magical construct, a golem made of the most basic elements known to man.

Thump… thump… thump…

He was traveling but not en route, because he did not have a specific destination in mind. He knew what he was doing though: his job. Send by the Priestesses of Fallien his task was to roam the unexplored regions in search of alien species. He then had to observe their habits and habitat and document his findings. As such, he went were no men could normally go to: one of the hottest regions of the desert. Foreigners had nicknamed it the Anvil, as the sun smashed its mightiest hammer on it.

Consisting of mainly the same materials as the desert itself the golem was almost an extension of it. He ate stone to stay strong, sand to stay agile and needed only a little water once in a while to not turn into a lifeless statue. Where most men would suffer from an heatstroke-induced insanity he smiled of happiness. This is home to him; on the face of the earth this was almost the closest he could get to his mother: the very planet itself.

[Josef ben Loewe]

Thump… thump… thump…

Only rarely he saw any other living being in this part of the desert. There were surprisingly high number of them: snakes, insects, small rodents, lizards and even certain hyenas could life out there, not to mention the birds of prey and the supernatural lurking beneath the sand. But those were all already known to and named by men, so he did not pay any attention to them. The golem to had a name, but he could not seem to remember it all that well. His mother – the planet – had given him a name to comfort the so-called civilized races, but in the desert who is there to introduce yourself to?

Thump... thump... clonk...

Rock! Not having paid any attention to where he was going the golem hadn't noticed he had come in a more rockier region. In every direction in front of him laid randomly scattered boulders from the size of a child’s fist to as large as a human being, as if Suravani had mindlessly tossed the rocks in the desert for decoration. Standing still and quiet, the giant humanoid noticed the complete lack of life in the area in front of him: there was no wind, no movement, no life, no thing; nothing. For the golem it was almost paradise; there was an unlimited amount of sand and rock for him to eat and the atmosphere was not only untroubled but tranquil. But while he could survive quite a while without abundant water, without it he would eventually petrify, literally.

He picked up some small stones - which probably had lain on that exact place for decades - and shortly observed them.

“They look nice,” he said dreamy, to no one in particular, “nice stones.”

His low and heavy voice was almost enough to disturb the dread yet peaceful silence of the desert; it was not used to spoken word. Carefully, the golem put one of the stones in his mouth, grinding it with his strong teeth. He swallowed and smiled.

“They taste nice too,” he said joyfully, without realizing that he had almost awoken it. – “stones taste nice.”

And with those words, he had disturbed the sleep of it.

Thump...

The automaton could clearly hear a soft thud, like that of a rock falling on sand. Surprised by the unexpected sound he dropped the two small stones he still carried. With his widened big rock-eyes he scanned his surrounding like a hawk but failed to locate the source of the sound. There was still no one there.

“Huh huh, silly me” the giant giggled softly.

Thump...

He was not imagining anything! He could have sworn he had seen movement, even though everything appeared to be deathly still again. However he knew he had seen something move near a rock… maybe behind it.

’It can not be big.’ He thought.
The rock in question was oval shaped, about a quarter meter high and nearly twice as wide; whatever it hid could be no bigger then that.
’But the stone is too big to eat,’ the golem had a gift for stating the obvious, ’so the moving ting is not big but too big to eat.’
'Hmm... what to do...’

Filled with tension but uncertain about what he should do he just stood there, motionless. Doing nothing was all that he would do when none of his severely lacking behavior scripts could help him guide his behavior. Minutes past without any movement or sound but the slow breathing of the large construct. Stubborn as he was, the golem decided he would wait until it - whatever it was - would come out of hiding. According to the golem's logic it could very well be a yet undiscovered specie, because apparently it did not want to be seen.
Most people would have either walked away or check if there actually was something behind the stone. But not the automaton, he was too afraid his movement would scare the Unknown away before he would be able to properly observe it – it would not be the first time his mere presence would frighten others. Besides, he quite enjoyed just standing in the middle of nowhere. He did not have anywhere particular to go to anyway.

[Josef ben Loewe]

It must have been almost four hours later before the construct dared to move again. Even a golem gets tired at some point and he figured it would become a long wait. As such, he sat down as comfortable as he could, arms and legs forward so he could rest without falling backwards. Like that he sat and waited, thoughtless and peaceful, patiently waiting for something to happen. Not long before nightfall a wind came and teased the golem by making everything but the Unknown move. While the dry breeze tried to annoy him further by casting sand into his lidless eyes the construct was not bothered by it at all. Instead, he opened his mouth and gratefully swallowed the free snacks flying right into his mouth.

At twilights eve numerous desert gerbils appeared from their holes and sniffled about. They did not came near the Unknown's hiding place, in fact, for some reason they avoided the rock altogether, reassuring the construct that there was in fact something behind it. He thought it to be nice to see those tiny creatures roam the world without the wicked man interrupting their habits.
As he thought about it, he disliked the Human races for building their cities and castles, cutting and crafting nature into unnatural and demeaning forms. The destruction and chaos caused by their wars made the golem angry and their shameless pollution of his mother planet enraged him - but only when he thought about it. Luckily he did not think that much about it, or about anything else for that matter.

In the mean while, the wind had moved on to different places, leaving the sand without a dancing partner.

While twilight had triumphed over the day, it soon was defeated by the pitch black darkness of the Fallien night. Luckily, he sat close enough to be able to see the hideout of the mysterious Unknown despite the darkness. During the night the nocturnal creatures went on with there nightly business, but - as far as he could tell - without ever approaching the carefully monitored rock.

The brightening of the horizon trumpeted a change of shift as the night animals retreated back into their holes and gave way to the diurnal. The morning came and went, as did the long midday, yet the Unknown remained equally stubborn and quiet as the golem. As the wind returned he wondered how long they could stay here like that. While he himself was not in need of normal food, the fraction caused by the wind slowly deteriorated his body while the blazing sun viciously hardened and dehydrated him. He had no clue how long the Unknown could or would last, but the golem was too far into it now to give up.

He pondered about his time on the island of Fallien, reflecting upon his adventures and times spend with the natives. As one could expect, the golem was not socially talented, though he did greatly enjoy talking and making new friends. He was neither raised nor born among others; he did not even have a creator or instructor who could clarify the most difficult process ever invented: society. Forced to raise himself, he invented a system of rules to give meaning to his experiences and guide his actions. As such, he did not have a flexible character and was considered socially clumsy at the best, though he was commonly liked or at least tolerated because of his childlike kindness.

Ironically, while most people found Fallien’s society to be horribly complicated, the golem had actually less trouble then normally to function according to the culture’s many customs. The for most outsiders overly complicated and mostly unspoken social laws and habits where quickly picked up by the autistic golem who’s entire personality mainly consisted of rules as well. Still, the xenophobic Fallien people did not just accept the construct, though most of them could relate better to him – the result of magic and craftsmanship – then to any of the other sentient races.

[Josef ben Loewe]

There was evening and there was morning, a third day of waiting. And the golem saw it was not good, for it had not yet moved.

Three nights and two and a half day of waiting was pushing it ever for the patient and stubborn construct. He decided that he would wait until it would have been exactly three days, then he would just walk to the boulder and see what was behind it, even though he would risking scaring it and loosing a valuable chance to observe a possibly unknown species.

As such he waited, and waited, and waited…

The sky had the alluring and enchanted look of a deep blue ocean and sported only one island: the tyrant sun. In the distance the golem could see the sand dunes he had came from, but here the barren desert was as flat as it was hot.

There was some headstrong grass that rebelled against the heat, attempting to force the waterless air into nourishing it. They held their head up high, proud to be a martyr for their greater cause, whatever that might be. Proud as they were, they looked up and did not notice that they were dying and their brothers had already died. They were foolish and young, but would not live long enough to learn. Like the Human races, they were nothing more then dust in the wind and would soon return to dust.

The golem's body had began to hurt. The wrathful sun had hardened the sand and clay of his body far beyond he was accustomed to; the sun was slowly petrifying him. He knew that when the moment would come to rise and walk again it would hurt like hell. The only other solution to that problem besides hydrating would be to eat sand, because he could regulate the size, weight and composition of his body by absorbing what he ate. Eating sand would make him more flexible though less durable while a rocky diner would make him both strong and slow.

Then, out of blue, there was movement! Finally, after almost three full days of nothingness the golem was rewarded for his patience.

Slowly but steadily it was the bouldier itself who raised an inch or two above the sand only to crash into it again a few inches further, making an all to familiar sound.

Thump…

’That sound! It came from the stone itself, taking a walk in the desert… but of course, I was looking at the Unknown for the whole time!’ the golem thought, while the rock merrily kept on hopping.

Thump…

While a normal person would probably be shocked or scared at the sight of a jumping boulder, the golem did not have an elaborate opinion about what was strange or not. He merely registered and accepted what he saw and acted based on his arbitrary rules he needed to properly function. But the discovery thrilled him so much he completely forgot both about his job to observe this unknown race and that rules regarding introduction did not apply to supposed inanimate objects.

“Hello there!” he said enthusiastic.

The stone stopped moving.

The golem tried to remember his name to introduce himself to the rock, but he seemed to have forgotten it. Since he had left Irrakam the days had been nameless and were not burdened with the complicated demands of social encounters. Anyhow, he was too eager to wait until he had remembered it. Chunks of hardened clay fell off his body as he got up but in his enthusiasm he ignored the piercing pain.

“I am a golem,” he said, smiling, “who are you?”

The stone, however, played dead yet again, greatly disappointing the construct.

“Why do you not say anything? That is not nice of you.”

Like a spoiled child the golem crashed back into the ground again, sending sand swirling in the air. The excitement of his discovery was quickly darkened by the fact that he apparently had been waiting for nearly three days for a mute stone which only moved a few inches every once in a while.

“Hello golem, I am a stone.”

The mysterious, booming voice seemed to echo through the desert though there was nothing for sound waves to bounce against. Again taken by surprise, the giant jumped up, a little startled but smiling. Carefully he walked closer to the boulder, stopping a few feet before it.

“Hi stone... uhm, how are you doing?” he said, trying to act accordingly to what he had learned about society.

“I am fine thanks, how are you?”

“I’m good too, I guess… eh… hm, the weather's nice, isn’t it?”

“Yes it is.”

“Yeah....”

The golem experienced difficulties properly registering and placing the fact that he was having an every-day conversation about the weather with a stone. As far as he had understood the world up to now, boulders where not supposed to move. He had seen other things move which he thought shouldn't, so that was not all that shocking. But as far as he knew, having a conversation with a boulder would be categorized as 'very inappropriate'. He himself did not judge that quickly, but he had been conditioned by society well enough to roughly separate the crazy from the customary.

[Josef ben Loewe]

“Me don’t think you are actually supposed to move and talk… are you?”

“Are you off your rocker? Pah! I have been moving and talking long before you were created, automaton. The fact that you humanoids have been oblivious to our existence does not mean we have not always lurked about.”

“I am so sorry! You see, sometimes I just can not grasp the logic behind what is or is not supposed to be; it’s all so confusing!”

“Oh but that is quite all right sonny. It’s common conduct for us to lay low. I must congratulate you for your patience, my dear stalker, though I must admit that you won because I had an itch, but nevertheless. May I ask thee for you name, kiddo?”

“Gee, thanks! My name… eh, yes, well, you see, I have seem to have forgotten it I am afraid… silly me.”

“Silly you.”

“Sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Thanks.”

“No thanks.”

“Ok.”

Not entirely aware of the bizarreness of the whole situation, the golem just stood there, going over all his rules and regulations regarding social interaction to see whether or not he should do or say something now. After concluding he had done not so bad at all and was not required to do more, he started pondering the mystery of his forgotten name. In the mean while the boulder just laid there, meditating about his own questions and mysteries.

About half an hour later…

“Josef ben Loewe! That is my name, Josef ben Loewe! Man, I am happy to have remembered it. It’s the desert you know; it makes you forget such trivial things.”

“It is a pleasure meeting you Josef, son of Loewe. You are speaking with Abram Abendroth, Assistant Analyst of the Atlas Association. The desert does tend to do that, does it not? I, for one, seem to have forgotten how I ended up here. I remember taking a nap for a few weeks and I remember your shaking footsteps waking me up, but I am pretty sure it was a tad bit more green and flourishing when I fell asleep. You know the year we are living in, kid?”

Josef was fascinated by the sentient stone, hanging on every word. He spoke fluent trade speak with his rumbling voice yet appeared to have no orifice acting as a mouth. It could jump yet had no legs whatsoever. It was a stone but equally not a stone, confusing the hell out of the golem. However, his autistic nature quickly found a solution for the problem by categorizing it as ‘Unstone’.

“The year? Eh, we life in the year 590 Post-Vadhya, I believe.”

“Post what?”

“Vadhya… you know, the rain of death and destruction which turned Fallien into this desert?”

For a moment the Unstone said nothing, making the golem wonder if he had said something inappropriate.

“Argh… NOW I have hit rock bottom! I have actually slept through another armageddon! I can’t bloody believe it! That's the third time now and it is becoming a frigging irritating habit!”

Hopping mad, the boulder furiously bounced up and down, actually scaring Josef into thinking he might explode or whatnot. Swearing like a madman, Abram hopped off in a random direction on a warpath seeking to revenge his rather unfortunate situation. Josef pitied the Unstone for his misfortune and could do nothing but what one of his inner rules instructed him to do: help the unfortunate.

It required the giant golem only one step to catch up with the jumping stone.

“Sir Abendroth, maybe I could help you? I mean… you don’t move so fast and the desert is so big.”

Abram paused for a moment to consider his options and to observe the golem. Normally, the Unstone did not interact with humanoids, but the rocky construct appeared to be distant family. Besides, he could turn out to be a rather useful friend.

[Josef ben Loewe]

“You just might, construct. Where are you heading?”

Shocked, Josef suddenly remembered his assignment.

“As soon as I have documented a new race I am to return to Irrakam. That’s like the capitol of Fallien, if you don’t know it. What if I take you with me and tell them about you and your family? They might help you find your friends!”

The golem smiled and clapped of excitement, happy he had figured out a plan to help both the stone and himself. As usual, Abram did not move a muscle; but since he does not have any that isn't really noteworthy. His people normally restrained from revealing themselves unnecessarily, but since he could not Sense any familiar Unstone in the area he considered his current situation a good enough reason to differ.

“Ah well,” the rock said in his booming voice, “why not! I would like to see the city anyway, the last time I saw one was when they build one right on top of me, but that was over two armageddons ago.”

As such, Josef picked up the Unstone and headed back to Irrakam. Both of them were more then accustomed to long silences, so they frequently did not talk for hours. Not only in their shared silence, but equally in the rare words spoken they could strangely relate to each other.

A few days later when they traveled through dunes of sand and could already see Irrakam proudly shining at the horizon, they played a game they called ‘Throw and Fetch’. Basically, the golem slung the rock as far as he could and Abram then used his velocity to hop as far as he could until Josef had found and cached him.

During one such throw, the Unstone shouted: “One small throw for the golem, one giant leap for stonekiiiiiiiiiiiiiind!”. Abram happily flew through the sky only to leave a small crater at impact. The golem was ready to rush after him to fetch him but stopped at the sight of three mounted observers, standing only about forty feet away. It was as if they had appeared out of nowhere; there was no trail in the sand behind them. It was clear they were natives, though Josef was not yet able to distinguish the different tribes.

One of them – the middle and tallest one – silently ordered his steed to approach the golem and halted a few foot in front of him. He had hidden his face with cloth, a common tradition among the tribes because it protected them against sandstorms. Because of the lack of other humanoids, Josef had not yet noticed how much toll the desert had taken on his body up ‘til now. He had entered the desert standing more then two meter seventy tall, but the weather and lack of water and clay had reduced him to about one meter sixty.

Before Josef could introduce himself to the towering stranger, the rider spook with a soft voice in fluent tradespeak: “You come from the Anvil with bare feet, yet you are not dead. That makes you a fool, golem, but a brave one. Search out Azuban ash-Shamali of the il’Arkmanham, the Windborn. We could use one as talented as you.”

Without waiting for a reply the stranger turned around and galloped away towards the north, towards the Oasis. Whether or not he had heard the booming voice coming from the airborne boulder, he had not commented or even looked at it. Josef however was not socially sensitive enough to have noticed that and find it odd, and was merely confused by his strange invitation.

He made a mental note to do as the stranger had said because he saw no reason to not do so.

[Josef ben Loewe]

Forgive me my three month break ;)
Josef picked up Abendroth and continued to Irrakim. They both did not speak about what happened, but didn’t continue their game either. In their own way they where both wondering about the strange rider and his offer. The golem knew little about the factions but had great respect for them because they were sand-respecting desert people. He simply wondered why the stranger had said he had come from an anvil while he hadn’t seen any for quite some while. While the Unstone knew nothing of the current inhabitants of Fallien he could better appreciate the importance of the strange rider and the uniqueness of his offer simply by his better perception of social situations.

By the end of the day they came close to the gates of Irrakam. While they would still have been allowed entrance they decided to sleep outside in the desert for one more night, for that was where they both felt the most at home. It was a cool and peaceful night; the golem slept deeply, tired of the numerous strange experiences. Tomorrow he would go the Keep and hopefully finish his mission to report about an unknown race.

The Unstone did not sleep; he rarely slept and had lately slept more then enough anyway. Instead he thought about his responsibilities as an Assistant Analyst. His job was to analyze pretty much everything relevant he encountered and once in a while - every century or so - report back to the Atlas Association. He doubted if the Association still existed though. Five centuries is only a short time for his kind and nothing out of the ordinary should have happened, but he still had not Sensed anyone familiar in the area and he feared for the worst. Fitting the stony nature of his heart he was not really troubled. He cared for little, besides his looks.

Abram decided he would stay with the golem who had appeared to be a rather pleasant chap. Josef could take him to a lot of places in no time and he had to admit he would feel somewhat lonely without his company. Tomorrow they would go to the city in front of them, which was rather awkward for his kind to do since they rarely interacted with humanoids. In fact, his main interaction with any living being had been killing random creatures which bothered him. Abram was especially quickly agitated by birds, the last time he had even killed two with one smash, since that moment onwards he had considered himself an expert martial artist. Nonetheless, he was still a little tense for the upcoming visit to the city.

Some time later...

The horizon brightened and mere moments later Josef was wakened by the rabidly expanding beam of light and warmth. He slowly stood up and made a loud noise somewhat resembling a yawn.

“Good morning Abram, did you have a good night?”

“Hmpf,” he grumbled, “I did until I had to kill this rat for shitting on me.”

Since that already was a sufficient explanation of the dried blood on his ‘skin’ and the crushed rat on the ground next to him, Josef did not inquire after it. Without further ado the golem picked up Abram and walked towards the Keep's gates.

[Josef ben Loewe]

Small groups of adventurers, caravans filled with essential supplies and riches and numerous other types of people where traveling through the massive bronze gate. Some where leaving but most where visiting the beautiful place. Each side of the gate showed a skillfully crafted golden crest of the legendary fire bird, the phoenix. Like the magical creature, Fallien to has risen from its ashes a long, long time ago.

Abram would remember the destruction – if he hadn’t fallen asleep, that is.

Josef had visited Irrakim and the Keep quite some times in the last years and was as such recognized by the gate’s guards. While a normal person would still be considered an outsider with or without a proper paper and registration, the golem was judged differently. As a construct of mother earth he probably could relate more to the Fallien people then most, if not any of the other sentient races.

The local law enforcement building, Josef remembered, was only a minute’s walk away from the gates. He decided he would take a longer route though. He was not in a hurry – he never was – and he liked to show his new friend the majestic city. The white palace reflected the already brightly shining sun and cast a bright glow over the city. For a desert city there was an abundance of water; royally littered over the entire city were little pools and fountains, connected through a brilliantly designed network of surface aqueducts and underground tunnels.

The clay golem walked to the nearest fountain, bended over while ignoring his painfully stony bones and splashed water in his face, slightly regenerating his hardened muscles and making movement easier. Children played on the streets, imagining they where commanding massive armies, played hide and seek or any other game. Mothers washed the clothes of their husband and kids while gossiping with the other housewives.

He smiled. He was happy.

“Josef?” said the Unstone softly.

“I am Josef” he replied.

“You really like these people, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“They do not hurt me. Some even talk to me and smile to me and ask me my name and have fun with me!”

If the Unstone would be able to physically smile he would have done so. Josef was a big child, naive and innocent. Yet he possessed a rare and pure form of wisdom, uncorrupted by greed or narcissism. A golem more humane then the humans, how ironic.

“That’s great Josef, it really is. Well, where are we waiting for, let’s go forth and complete your mission!”

“The mission! Silly me, I had almost forgotten it again.”

[Josef ben Loewe]

A few moments later, the awkward duo had entered the law enforcement building, it was the same place where Josef had received his mission. It was a low, squat building with a great number of windows to keep it cool. There where some plants and other niceties, but other then that it was a practically designed building with lots of tables, papers and other stuff that Josef couldn't quite understand what it could be used for. The beautiful marble floor felt pleasantly cool. A bunch of guards stood in the corner, discussing the details of the latest crime. As the day had only began it was still quiet, the golem and his new found friend where probably one of the first visitors.

Carefully looking to see if there really was no queue – Josef had great trouble to differentiate between a random group of people and a line of waiting ones – he walked to one of the desks and clumsy placed his stony friend on top of it. The guards posted in the building frowned at the strange sight and readied themselves to quickly act if the golem would cause any trouble but where somewhat reassured that strange visitor stood only one sixty tall. The surprised secretary stood up so she could see the tiny construct.

“Ehm, good morning, how can I help you?” she asked softly, somewhat scared by his strange appearance and behavior.

“Hello,” he replied and continued to act according to his internal rules, “my name is Josef ben Loewe. How are you doing?”

“What? Eh... I'm fine, thank you. How can I help you sir?”

Though the golem was too nice to be hurt by the fact that she hadn't replied to ask how he was, he did find her behavior pattern quite odd. But then again, he found most humans odd. Kind as he was, he forgave the pretty woman her strange conduct and continued his attempt to complete his mission.

“Dear lady, I do not know how you can help me, but I know how I can help you. I was ordered to go to the desert and describe an unknown specie. But I can not write so I brought one with me, I hope that is alright with you, miss?”

Though the young woman was aware of the nature of the mission, she had no idea what she should think of the strange creature's and his silly stone.

“That's quite alright. Do you have the creature with you so we can take it in for examination?”

Enraged by her attempt to steal his friend, the golem picked up Abram and held him closely, like a child protecting his favorite toy.
“You will not take him with you, he is my friend!”

Warned by the golem's aggressive tone, one of the guards came closer. “Is there any trouble?”

Though the secretary was a little scared by Josef's sudden mood swing, she was reassured by the similarities of the golem's childlike behavior and that of her four year old son. She turned to the guard and reassured him that there was nothing to worry about. Then she turned to the golem with his funny stone and tenderly smiled.

“Oh am I sorry, I didn't know he is your friend. Don't worry Josef, we will not take him from you.”

Relieved that he had apparently misunderstood her, Josef happily smiled and clapped out of excitement. As a result, Abram – who had wisely decided to remain silent during the whole ordeal – fell on his big toes. Josef found it hard to remember that he couldn't clap when he was holding something.

“Aaauuw! That hurts!” he screamed, but then giggled and continued: “Huhu, silly me.”

Filled with warm motherly feelings, the woman smiled and grabbed some pieces of paper from one the drawers of her desk.

“You said you couldn't write, right? Here, let me help you. If you tell me about this friend of yours then I will write it down, do you think that is a good idea Josef?”

“I think that is a good idea. I think you are a nice person!”

As the golem recounted his journey and how he had found his friend, the slightly blushing secretary filled in the necessary forms to register the nature of the new specie.

[Josef ben Loewe]

OOC:
Hell yeah! With an average of one post every two months, I finally completed it after a year and a half! Lol.

Requested spoils: Abram Abendroth of course. Other then that none. I don't know if I could swap gold for exp, but the golem doesn't really any money.

[Knave]

Story ~ 4/10 Elements of story creation place this character in the desert, and tell us why, the events looking fairly straight forward. Then I am treated to a great valley, a yawning chasm in which much is said and little is done. It is not so much that there was little action, but that there was little progression in my understanding of the situation. I’ll mention farther down about expositions and details, and using the three posts in which our giant remained still could have been used to the effect of better explaining your character.

In structure, everything was done in a straight forward manner, and in the end I did not find much in the way of a strong introduction, little rise in action, no climax in sight, and a conclusion which marked a quiet end to a quiet story. This could have been more, but for now its one of those entertaining skits that runs between shows with more depth or visceral wordplay. For the time I spent reading it, I wasn’t terribly disappointed.


Continuity ~ 4/10 Josef ben Lowe born on Monday… I know nothing about this character’s past, I know nothing of where he is headed afterward, and this thread seems to be solely settled around the golem fulfilling the quest. I looked into the profile, and the most in character reason I could think of was that someone asked—didn’t necessarily ask him—and he answered.

Also, I’m not convinced that the most xenophoic people on all Althanas would ever accept anyone as strange, alien, and outwardly monstrous as Josef. Simply stating they had grown used to him would be like finding a werewolf wandering the local library in full shag, not only would it be unlikely with women and children screaming, but at the very least people would react with a kind of wariness that would take generations to grow out of. He may be a construct of nature, but I doubt that could be made clear, I especially doubt that Josef could make it clear.


Setting ~ 4/10 The overcast sun has scorched the sand, and made the place unsafe for man, but what else is there? We have rocks in the corner, boulders upon boulders which make rooms, an unknown “thing” hiding, and a golem sits on its ass with a boom. Yup, things seem to be fairly straight forward, and my mind for the most part has decreed that, “all is sand and rock and not much else.” In one way, I’d think this would be an accomplishment, but in another I realize it is because of a static image established early on, but not often reintroduced or changed with the shift in time. No mention of night fall is made, but that the sun has set once or twice in three days. Progression from there leads to more images, but none are more clear or vivid than the first one.

Creativity ~ 4/10 It reads like an aniboom skit, whatever dialogue might be included and sounds employed is nonessential for half the thread. It is certainly a strange setup for a solo, and it’s not something I’ve seen before, but it’s not something I was surprised with. Overall, things were kept simple when they could have been complicated, and things were taken easy when they could have been very hard, at the core though is whether the method you used to go about this was something that raised in me any kind of wonder.

The technique I would have liked to see continued here would have been the onomatopoeia, establishing the rhythmic pounding of his footsteps was a good way to start, and while farther down the line the constant crash of Josef’s feet would have become annoying, but could have been used as a point at any time in the thread by other characters who would have had reactions even if they were comfortable with Josef.


Character ~ 6/10 Joseph gives the impression of being a sentient stone, largely indifferent to the unpleasantries of nature when not reveling in them. I’d like to see more thought, but at the same time I suspect that would be against the characters very type. He fills a stereotype of a large, earthy, creature that happens to be pleasant when not angry, and, as I’m slowly starting to discover, it’s not so much what character types a character meets, but how they fill them, which determines whether a character is considered more or less in regard to how they are perceived. Currently, I get the sense that I know him, but not whether or not I would really care to.

There are passing references to a more mechanical nature, which is interesting when contrasted by the reminder that this creature is a primordial being, I would like these to conflict, but more than that I would like them to be explored. Again, he seems simple, and I assume you have a reason for making him narratively so. You introduce him by his past, and this is good, but comes more as an exposition than an introduction, and while simple explanation is good, it’s not the most attractive means of getting a reader to like a character. The remedy is simply detail, not more what, but more how.


Interaction ~ 3/10 I’d consider this section of the rubric to be the means by which a character becomes more alive through gestures and emotation (don’t question my invented words). Usually I’d see them as being drawn from the subconscious indulging wants and insecurities, but your character doesn’t have much in the way of anything specifically. No action is without meaning, however, including inaction. When directly surprised, I’m glad to see some movement in this rock, if still in that childish mode which marks him as a youthful being unarmed in the arena of intelligence. Watching Ben fold to the slap stick dialogue routine, and how quickly he concedes to the stone really marked him as simple and unassuming in the more flattering sense, but lacking any gestures or changes in tone or body language, I felt that this could have been an excellent time to actually display them. Even wavering on his feet would have been something. The philosophy of his people seems to be stoicism, but it seems out place when the character is not so serious.

In passing, this character has the kind of story which makes something that could be monstrous into a friendly force. I’d love to see him in a more social environment, even a clumsy one, because this is the kind of character which might warm the heart.


Strategy ~ 4/10The thoughts portrayed, and reasons given were few in number and in proportion with the characters; the problem is that while Josef might have been simple, the other characters were not. The Unstone slept through multiple apocalypses...apocali...and near the end of your seventh post is shown to kill when it feels killing is warranted... like when it has been annoyed. I would have liked to see this temper resolved if not demonstrated. Though this isn’t the first time I have seen thread elements disappear over the course of time. Going beyond this, no character is really explained more than the Unstone, not the bandits nor the townspeople nor the clerk who treated Josef so well.

Clarity ~ 6 /10 Proof reading will be a good tool in anyone’s hands, as seen here where words which are complete in themselves need to be shifted in order to fit the sentence they attempt to fill. There aren’t too many times in this thread where I am driven to back track, and most of these I feel could have been cleaned up with a closer eye to detail.

Mechanics ~ 6/10 I’m noticing a lot of misplaced commas, “to” in the place of “too” and I get the sensation that you are tentatively feeling out the proper uses of the EM dash (—) and colon (:). In the case of commas you do not need to precede every “and” or “but,” but the standard for American writing usually includes this. For more info, see Serial Commas in your local Google.

Also, I’d like to take you aside for a minute, and point out that the use of colon should be to highlight the past factual statement and define it with another. “I thought love would last forever: I was wrong.” Notice how the first section was already past-tense, and the second serves to highlight this? There are always multiple ways to do this, though, and that one is not required, but I would advise that when you make use of the colon to be concise. Also, like salt it is a spice, and, can be used too much. I’m also suspecting that the use of it here is to indicate these rules of caprice, and if so, I’d ask that you distinguish the narration between the character’s modes of thought and the actual narration. If only to conserve and contain the concept to where it must apply.

“During one such throw, the Unstone shouted: “One small throw for the golem, one giant leap for stonekiiiiiiiiiiiiiind!”.” =_= Now you are just being silly.


Wildcard ~ 5/10 When you wrote this, what point did you hope to sell to your reader? Not everything has to have some underlying meaning, but there should be highlights… highlights which aren’t contrasted by a sense of empty progression, I was surprised by the Unstone’s ability to talk because there had been so little going on. I was not bored, but I was not really entertained for the most part. An extra point added because I've never seen a thread take so long without being abandoned, that takes some heart.

Total: 46

The Unstone will be granted, but any abilities beyond the basic movement of three feet by a maximum of six seconds under its own power with periodic rests. The gold will not be exchanged for experience.

415 experience to our fine golem, and 207 gold which I'm sure he'll find some use for.