View Full Version : The Crusade of Retribution
The room was quiet; Rian was on the ground curled up into a tight ball at the feet of his God. The immaculate figure seated on the throne wore a long white robe, draping down to his golden tinted slippers. The figure's eyes were blinding with a glowing light shining out of his pupils. Rian remained tucked up, his body still aching from the transformation his weak body had just experienced. The boy's brown shaggy hair lay limp, shadowing his left eye. His halo, a new addition to his body, kept perched above his head, casting out rays of golden light. Rian cried, as the pain continued to crawl through his back, and the blood kept a paced flow onto the golden tiled floor.
"Why are you doing this to me, why?" Rian cried, questioning his creator.
The righteous man responded with silence. The throne perched figure began to raise his arm, as if almost reaching for the boy. The mighty figure's hand began to glow with a neon white tint. Rian gazed up and locked eyes on the man's clenched grasp at nothing. The light crept and slowly made its way onto the golden floor, once reaching its destination, it began to swallow and enclose the boy in the heavenly light. The light slowly began to lift the boy into the air, flaring out his wings and igniting his halo with a brighter glow. The boy was hovering, completely gulped by the shining light.
"I am your father, and you are my son. You were set to walk in my footsteps and live your life in my name. Rian, you have displayed sins of murder and have once been corrupted by the demon of your past. You will be punished for those lives you took, even your own. You refused to repent for your wrong doings and now your consequences have arrived. You will be given a chance to live a life of Holy Spirit, and you will be given a second chance. There is murder, adultery, and theft going on in the world as we speak, there are wars being fought, and therefore there are lives being taken. The country of Salvar is taking part in a relentless battle. The church has grabbed its sword and is defending my honor. Salvar's ruthless monarchy and the Church of Ethereal Sway have long commenced into an aged battling feud. It is you who will join the crusade in my honor. You will grab hold of a blade, and defend the church!" His righteousness said. The Lord's powerful voice echoed throughout the kingdom's vast corridors.
Rian, still rose into a float, remained helpless and at the hand of his God. The boy could not believe how his life has changed, one minute he was making his way to school, the next he is at the hand of God, awaiting his next command. Rian worked to raise his head, only to catch a glimpse of his holy master. The boy was helpless, his thin lips curved into an expression of forgiveness, and his eyes were filled with fear. The controlling light slowly swayed around the boy's body, keeping him elevated. The room was pitch black, only a heavenly light was cast upon the two, every other remainder of the room sat in darkness. The air was calm, not a single drift or breeze comforted the boy's cheek. He was entirely at the will of his Lord.
"Now Rian, go and ward off evil and help restore the country of Salvar to peace!" The figure's voice commanded.
The beaming white light encasing Rian's body began to shade into a light grey, the swaying was gradually gaining speed. Rian was in a deep sense of shock and fear. The boy had no clue what he was getting into, or even how to wield a blade. Before Rian could gaze at his God, his body dissipated into thin air, twisting through the heavens, the body rushed flew through pure glowing clouds with no signs of darkness. His body was immobile, he was at the guidance of light. His arms twirled aimlessly into a spiral as the boy barreled through the heaven's aura. The ragdoll body slowly began to seep below the clouds. As the boy sunk lower and lower, a mortal sky quickly caught his eye. The shining stars, still underneath him, the moon's stream of light, lighting his path, the boy continued. The air was no longer at ease, harsh cold winds forcefully danced though the skies. Rian's nose and cheeks began to flush pink with blood. The warmth of his body heat was quickly being stolen the lower he dropped.
After a long fall through an empty sky, Rian began to make out a clumped area, blotted on the ground beneath him. As he neared the dark crowded land, the idea of hitting the ground frightened him. His long brown locks of hair swayed back and forth, occasionally blinding his vision of the ground. The boy felt e was close enough by now, that he could smell the dirt. As the strands of hair moved to return his vision, the boy realized he was closing in on a city!
The tall towers of the city reached high into the sky, the small market, densely filled with shops. A tall, gray, stone cathedral was positioned directly beneath the boy. The cathedral's stained glass displayed a wide array of colors. To the boy's surprise, a garden of exotic flowers surrounded the cathedral. Rian was now only a hundred feet from the highest point of the building. He took in one last look of shock and closed his eyes. The boy quickly neared his fatal landing when he began to feel himself slowing down. Rian watched as the frantic light had once again swayed softly around his body. Just before hitting the roof of the cathedral, the boy closed his fearful hazel eyes. The calmed light carried him through the roof, without the use of deconstruction. The boy, confused and in awe, turned his head left and right taking in all of the inside visuals. As the light and boy neared the altar, he slowed even more until he was at a complete stop, hovering above the altar. Before him was a golden lit podium, which held a steel cased, hard-bound book.
Heaven's light released the boy and dissolved without a trace. The boy continued to lie there, gasping for air. He could not process what was going on, he did not understand what he had been set out to do. Rian slowly began to recover himself to his feet, to his downfall, Rian instantly collapsed. His strength, his endurance, his power, all had vanished. He was as weak as he was coming out of a coma. He crawled up the steps, making his way to the wooden podium. The podium towered over the boy like a giant. As he squinted up to make out the thick book, the blinding rays of light burned his eyes. Rian's eyelids came together and the boy was blindly finding his way up the podiums base. The long wooden shaft of the podium was unbalanced and rocked side to side as the boy straddled around it for support. Pulling with little strength, the boy reached out as a desperate attempt for the book. The hand, reached out at full length, grabbing the nothing of the air, still gasping for air, taking in deep breaths, the boy craved the book above him.
The book was slightly out of reach. Rian's fingers curled and cringed as he stressed the extension of his arm. The boy gave one more thrust to raise himself in reach. It was a success, his worn down fingers grabbed a hold of the steel binding as the book tumble off of the wooden podium and into the lap of Rian. He ran his fingers across the cover, feeling the woven thread coating the hardbound top. He waited, opening the book as he anticipated its contents. The pages between the two stiff coverings were withered, and the corners showed a hint of what had once been a flame held to the parchment. The boy gripped the cover, as he opened the writing, he was left in confusion. The text of the pages was written in a foreign language. The symbols were of something he had never seen. His callused finger tips shuffled through the script, taking in all of which he couldn't understand. The boy stopped at a random page and attempted to sound out the mysterious words.
"Eil' Nast Veroon, Das Na'blegen E'trus!" The boy read.
A sound rose from the outer portion of the cathedral, the boy gazed out of a stained glass panel. It had begun to rain hard, the harsh downpour flooded the beautiful lilies and soaked the magnificent dandelions. Lightning cracked sporadically through the sky as the wind brushed into the air, anything loosely tangible. As the boy stared in amazement as to whether or not the rain was created from the text. The boy was in a daze, staring out the window in deep thought. The pitter patter of sudden footsteps inched closer, breaking the boy's attention. He quickly turned to a shadowed corridor, awaiting someone’s presence. A long blue cloth robe quickly swung into side and out of the darkness. The robe was dressed with a golden belt and long golden necklaces and charms hung from the owner's neck. A short elder man quickly paced himself towards Rian. The man had a look of concern on his face, and in a way seemed irritable. His bald head sparkled in the moonlit room. As the man neared, he voiced his presence.
"Who are you, and what are you doing with that scripture?" The old man demanded an answer. He was in close contact to the floor bound boy. The elder man leaned in and snatched the book from the boy's hands. "These are strictly guarded halls, I cannot believe you made it this far alive."
The boy was lying in his back with his head turned sharply to the side. Rian was slowly recovering from his daze, and turned to look the old man in the eye. The man's face went pale was his eyes examined the golden halo and white angelic wings. He watched as the angelic figure twisted and turned underneath the podium. Left speechless, the man quickly hurried off with the book in hand.
He quickly turned down around various corners, making his way to a distanced room. The elder began nearing a door, and continued at full speed. Pushing the doors open, he watched as other elderly residents were eating supper. The old man was panting for breath, trying to find a way to straighten himself long enough to alarm the others. Frantically searching for air, the old man managed to shout.
"We have been blessed! The Lord has granted our prayers and has sent us a soldier of Heaven! A halo dressed, white winged, young boy is lying down on the altar! He is weak and seems malnourished!" The old man cried out.
The others scarfed the remainder of their meals down and rose in response to the astounding message. The pack of elders raced the halls, making their way to the altar. Each holding an offering of food or drink. As they neared the altar's entrance, the old man started shuffling through the pages, looking for a particular prayer. All of their brown laced sandals echoed through the hall until the altar's door swung open. The residents hurried to the boy, handing him a goblet of water, and various fruits and vegetables. They watched as Rian nibbled and sipped the items. Their surrounding shadow blocked the blinding light and the boy opened his eyes once more, taking in the numerous elders circling his weak body.
The rain continued to pour outside onto the city. The harsh winds still swept loose leaves into the air. The moon light was beginning to be blocked by the massive dark grey clouds. The elders gathered in a circle holding each other by the hand. They began to chant a phrase in sync with each other.
"Te' varant est baladiet, ve denceiseste su bonderatcheyl!" the group hummed.
The rain surrounding the city began to fade and the night had returned. The clouds vanished and the moonlight shot through the sky, back into the cathedral. The leaves fell to rest as the cold air had ceased its harsh blow.
"What do we do with him?" A man asked from across the circle. The group silenced a moment to think.
"He will fight beside the church, we must prepare him for battle!" Another man spoke. The rest of the circle nodded in agreement. The man continued, "He is too weak to even stand, we must train and condition him as soon as possible! God has bestowed that responsibility upon us, let us answer his command!" the man said.
The group felt the man was speaking the truth, this weak, unknown boy had randomly landed in the Church of Ethereal Sway. He was equipped with a golden halo and long white wings, he had to have been a soldier sent from Heaven. The group leaned in as one, lifting the boy off of the altar’s top. Together they ushered the body to the nearest resting place where they planned to revive him of his strength.
The circled men and tight stone hallways had made the boy claustrophobic. The men hurried to a bed where Rian could lay his head. Finally, after weaving and winding through the halls, the circle had arrived to a sleeping quarter. They could now rest their arms as they lowered the boy onto the nearest brown cloth sheet. Rian's eyes began to flicker as he worked to hold them open. He watched as a few men stood, closing him in. He rolled his head to see other men working on food preparation or the mixing of drinks. Rian gazed up at a man who was standing at attention before the white winged boy.
"Hello, we welcome you into our home, and into our church. You seem to not know where you are, am I correct?" the man said.
Rian looked around, and nothing looked familiar. The boy responded with a quiet, cracking voice "no."
All of the elders in the room nodded, understanding the boy's response. The lead elder began to speak once more. "Well, not a problem. Let me tell you a little bit about where you are, who we are, and what current time you are in. You are in St.Denebrials Cathedral, and we are its aeromancers. You are in rough time’s young fellow, the church and monarchy are at battle, and we believe god has sent you to aid us in our struggle."
Rian looked so confused by now. He was never a hero, a last resort, or an answer to a prayer. He did not want to let these men down or even worse, let God down. The boy's hands now shook; he didn't like being put in the spotlight. Rian figured he would let these men nourish him, then attempt finding a way out.
The skies were dry, and the sun was setting. The wind was at rest and the church sat center of attention of the city he was in. After a long moment of hard work, a few men began to walk to Rian with foods and drinks. One man seemed to be holding a wine glass. Rian never was the drinker; he began to make a decision. The boy could not decide whether to turn down the wine, or cure his pain and accept it. As the man neared the boy, the red wine began to swash around in the goblet.
"Here you are sir" the man said, as he lowered the glass onto a bedside table.
Rian hesitated before grasping the glass and putting it to his lips. As he gulped the wine, the strong hint of alcohol ignited his taste buds. It felt good, the pain began to suppress. He felt warm, but no other feeling. He grabbed hold of a biscuit and nibbled before chomping down on it as a whole. The wheat dried his mouth of the wine and saliva. He felt it was time for another sip, to wet his whistle. The boy took another massive gulp, then a little one to finish it off. He felt just fine; he set the wine glass on the bedside table and flopped back onto the mattress.
The wine glass began to sway back and forth, testing its balance the wine glass toppled onto the floor. Shards of the goblet shot everywhere and made the ground now risky to walk on. A man was quick to respond, he rushed off for a broom that could get the mess up.
Rian had now begun to feel it. The wine was quickly taking effect, and his vision began to blur. He watched as his balance felt dormant, the men swaying side to side. The boy thought it was funny. His eyes shrugged into sag and were now bloodshot red. This felt good, and this is surely the best medicine the boy had ever had. The boy now had begun to get cocky, as he tried to speak.
"S-so you’re a n-n-nacromancer.....and this is St.Dehebrinals what?!" What the men had given him was extremely powerful.
The boy remained intoxicated, staring blankly at the men. They watched as he playfully feathered with the closest aeromancer's robe. Rian continued to munch of the various food while drinking water to somewhat sober up. The aeromancers were plotting behind the boy, planning the next step. As they talked, Rian continued to be infatuated with the fruits and biscuits surrounding him. One man walked over to the boy's bed, his robe swung carelessly. He continued in pursuit to the bed, with a look of concern.
"Boy, we shall let you rest for the night and we will wake you at dawn" the man said with a calm tone to his words.
Rian nodded and aimlessly rumbled to his side. The candles were blown out and the boy fell to sleep, drunk and free of all pain. As he slumbered, dreams featured him gliding through the skies, sword in hand fending off evil. He dreamed of himself saving the world and becoming a true hero. The dreams all toyed with his nerves and he felt all of the action. He simply wanted to make his name known. He wanted to help another and cherish every moment of this new life.
As the sunlight had begun to creep over the horizon, the smell of seasoned meet filled Rian's nostrils. It seemed as if there was something cooking in the kitchen across the hall. Rian rose to his feet and slummed across the way into the kitchen. The sight of various breakfast foods was placed around a table.
"Ah, good morning young fellow!" a burly chef beckoned from the other side. Rian rushed over to the feast and paused for the invitation. The man's tall white chef hat towered over his glistening bald scalp. "Dig in! Dig in! I cooked especially for you!" The man said as Rian quickly grabbed the closest edible item and went to town.
"So, are you joining the war?" the chef said.
Rian paused; he had heard the aeromancer speak of this battle. He was still unsure as to what exactly all the fighting was over. The chef was staring, awaiting an answer. Rian looked up at the man and gave an empty answer.
"Sure, why wouldn't I." The boy said. It felt good to say those words; it felt powerful to know he is meant to come save the day in a current war. He didn't know what he was getting himself into, but he felt the aeromancers would ready him.
As the Rian chowed down on his morning buffet, the door began to slide open. A dark sandal stepped showed, followed by an aeromancer dressed in a blue silk robe. The man walked over to the table with a grin creeping out of his unshaven face. He waited for the boy to swallow his food before speaking.
"I was asked to summon you to the courtyard, if you could please follow me" the man said as he returned to the door.
Rian unsure what to expect, followed. The boy was ready for training, and was ready to learn the tactics and skills of combat. He wanted to be considered a soldier. Day dreaming about a muscle sculpted, armored body, wielding a steel blade was all the boy could wish for. He dreamed of being the hero, with a beautiful maiden. All of this was set to happen, it was only time before these dreams became reality.
As the two progressed through the stone walls, Rian began to realize this is the start of his conditioning. This was what will train him to become a warrior. After various turns in the halls, the sunlight had begun to slide into sight. The cool breeze started to brush up against the boy's face. Once the two had made it to the steel ribbed gate, they stepped foot onto a grassy turf. Numerous aeromancers stood at different stations. They all were dressed in blue gowns but one figure caught Rian's attention. One man was dressed in steel armor, he carried a shield with a lion emblem painted on its outer portion. He was wielding a shining scimitar that wobbled at his side, strapped to his belt buckle. This warrior had a scruffy face that had not seen a razor in ages. His plated boots clanked as he walked around, checking up on the elders.
Rian was intimidated to approach the man. The sun was scalding and the wind was fierce. The boy felt as an outsider, he felt everyone knew there place and he didn't belong here. Only thing was, this was right where he wanted to be. This was a place he felt like settling down at. From across the courtyard, the man began to shout.
"You there! God has put you in our path for aid of the war. Prayers have been answered, we at last have a piece of the heavens! Get over here and lets get you geared! Let us dress you in the church's finest armors and equip you with holy blades! You will side with us in battle and we need you at once! No time to waste! Lets get started!" The man yelled.
Rian was in shock, he had not a clue what that crazy man was rambling on about. He had no clue this church was depending on him to carry them through the battle. He was astounded to hear that valorous figure call upon Rian for help! The boy had no choice but to work his way over to the armored man. Once Rian was in arms reach of the man, he stopped abruptly.
"Stop right there!" the man commanded.
Rian halted and stood erect. He waited for his next command. Beads of sweat had begun to drip down the boy's nose. He had never been this restricted, this controlled. The man eased over to the boy and towered over him by a few feet. Rian peered straight up into the man's eyes, fearing his next words. The man had green eyes and bushy brows. He remained silent, letting the fear sit still in the boy's mind.
"You will be given tasks to accomplish every morning before breakfast. You are to go down this list and take part in the various work outs. The man said as handed the boy a thing piece of parchment. The man spoke once more, "now without a second to waste, lets get started." The man nudged the boy's head down, facing the paper.
Run the outside of the church ten times
Without a moment to think, the boy began to stride into the distance. The armor clad man smirked and chuckled as the boy stressed his legs around and around the church, passing the man repeatedly. Sweat began to soak the boy's tattered white shirt.
"Keep em' comin' boy! Only eight more!" the man said with a sarcastic laugh to his voice. "Your doing great! You would outrun a turtle any day!" the man said, laughing harder.
Rian was out of breath by now. The boy pushed on, panting and taking deep breaths. By this time Rian was nearing his last turn, the burn in his thighs was searing. His flexibility was horrible, making the situation worse. The sun continued to pound heat atop Rian's head and the wind kept up its attempt to cool him off. The boy just didn't understand. How could a place this cold, get so hot. How could this man be asking this much out of a young boy. All questions aside, Rian saw his finish line.
As he approached the man, he leaned forward and grabbed hold of his knees. He fished for air but ran short of a deep breath. The aeromancers gazed at the boy, impressed that he had the strength to complete the laps. The boy looked up to the man, only to see a thing piece of paper blocking his view.
"Well done! Now, what is next." The man said as he shoved the paper closer.
Rian shrugged and sighed as he grabbed the thin slip. His eyes crossed out the first line and moved to the second.
Seventy Push-Ups
The boy's jaw dropped. There was absolutely no way he would complete this next task, not after those laps. The armored man stood before the boy, waiting him to take action. The aeromancers watched on, they had no belief in the boy doing the next task. They stared, anxiously waiting for the boy to crouch down on all fours. Rian gazed around at the elders. They all were working in different stretches of the courtyard but were all facing the corner the boy was in.
"Lets go!" an aeromancer shouted from the distance.
The fellow elders turned and gave the yelling man a look of disapproval. They couldn't believe he called out like that. The boy felt the pressure, he wanted to just rest, but didn't want to let anyone down. Sighing, Rian grabbed hold of the gravel, and began to lower himself to the dirt.
"Now, come back up!" the armored man cried.
Rian struggled to elevate his body higher off of the ground. The burning pain had crawled to his arms as they started to sting. At a pause, his arms began to shake and lose balance. The boy was worn out and could not lift any higher.
"Come on! Just a little more!" the man yelled.
Rian pushed once more, before tumbling to the dirt. The soft grains coated the side of his face and nested in his strands of hair. The boy was dirty and tiresome. He remained on the ground, resting his weak muscles.
"Alright boy, I thought you were stronger. We have much work to do in such a little time. Get some rest and tomorrow we will start fresh at step two. Now get out of my courtyard!" the main sternly called out.
The aeromancers all gathered around the boy and lifted his limp arms once more. They carried him out of the courtyard and off into the distance. Turning hallway to hallway the boy began to rest his eyes. The aeromancers finally saw a bed in sight. They rushed over and plopped the boy down.
"Rest here young one, the morning will soon come." An aeromancer whispered as he walked off, returning to the shadowed courtyard. The sun fell quick and Rian was in bed alone. Only, he felt the presence of another.
Rian grabbed hold of the mattress and pushed up. He scrabbled to slide out of bed and onto the floor he fell. He worked himself up to his knees and his callused fingers clamped together. The boy began to whisper, eyes closed.
"Dear Lord,
I come to you tonight,
with the wishes of strength.
Guide me as I strengthen myself in your name.
Lead me to power and let me answer their wishes.
They are counting on me, and I am counting on you.
Let your almighty power fill me and give me the ability to join this church in battle.
In your name I pray, Amen."
The boy for once prayed. It felt enriching, it was something he was not used to doing. He grinned with joy as he closed his eyes once more and fell into a deep sleep, rejuvenating himself for a new day. As he fell deeper and deeper into sleep, he began to dream.
Swords clashed together and arrows soared through the sky. The smell of sweat and blood filled the air and the boy's nostrils. The church was prevailing over the enemy as Rian lead the battle. The boy soared gracefully through the battle, engraving his blade into the chests of many. God's eyes were rested upon the civil war, and he was pleased to watch as Rian commanded the church's army. This will be the day that the holy overcome the rotten. As the battle came to a close, the boy's fellow soldiers raised their shield in honor of the boy. They all cheered and shou...
"Rian! Sir, wake up! Isaac summons you into the common room" an elder whispered as he nudged the boy out of his dream. Rian rose from his bed and sat still in confusion for a second. One moment he was battling the evil, the next he is waking up in a dark room. The moonlight filled the room, lighting the aeromancer's hurried grin.
"Why can't he let me rest for one damn second." The boy cursed.
"No time for questions, we must move at once." The man said as he grabbed hold of Rian's hand and began to lead him to Isaac.
As they tip-toed through the tight, closed in hallways, Rian yawned as he began to become more conscious. He shot his free arm high into the sky, stretching it back into relaxation. The aeromancer pointed ahead at a majestic, gem encrusted door. "He awaits you in there" the man said as he pushed the boy closer.
"Thanks" Rian politely said as he walked into the door alone.
The room was cold and dark, only one candle light was to be seen. Across the vast empty room was a small table, supporting the lit candle. Seated at that candle-lit table was Isaac. He rushed through pages of a thick book. The book was bound by steel just as the one he spotted at the altar. "Boy! Good to see you on this night! Please, come sit down, we have a lot of work to cover in such little time." Isaac said with a cheerful tone.
"Sir, what are we covering at this late of an hour?" Rian said as took his seat beside Isaac.
"We will look into the pages of my book." Isaac said as he pointed down at the hard-bound cover.
"What exactly is 'your' book?" Rian responded.
Isaac smiled, he knew the boy had no idea what power the book held. He opened the thick book and flustered through the first few pages before stopping at a particular verse.
"This book is titled Ethereal's Hand. In this book is various prayers that are used on others or yourself. These prayers are powerful and can caused much havoc if not used correctly." Isaac said with a stern look painted across his face.
Rian stared at the book with star-lit eyes. That book had respect and power written all over it. The boy was in a trance, the book looked so appealing with its sterile white pages, and its golden steel cased cover. The beautiful calligraphy on the cover read Ethereal's Hand. As Rian kept up with his stare, still in a deep daze, the boy began sending out and arm to retrieve the text.
"Hands off!" Isaac said, slapping Rian's free hand away. "Now that I can see you are interested, lets begin."
"In this book holds prayers, they can be used for or against others." Isaac noted.
The two looked down onto the pages as Isaac began to read. He annunciated the words in a powerful manner and spoke with soft clarity. Rian kept eyeing between the text and Isaac's eyes. The young boy took in the book's writing, trying to process it all. Rian was completely lost, he had no idea what language this text was written in. The boy, although not comprehending anything, listened attentively.
"Ver' nath des torbliento!" Isaac shouted as he slammed the book shut with a single hand. As the book clamped shut swiftly, a blinding aura caressed the man from head to toe. The man's eyes began to glow, and his body held a glowing white aura around it. The glowing figure grinned as he rose up from his seat.
"Watch this" Isaac ordered.
The man braced himself by planting his feet. He embraced the ground he was standing upon and gripped the tile with his boots. As he lowered himself into a crouch, the blinding aura began to blow back behind Isaac. The warrior's cheeks and eye-lids started to peel back. It seemed as if a forceful wind had been blowing towards the man. All at once, the man shot forward, out of sight. He simply vanished in thin air, leaving no trace behind. Rian quickly turned back and forth, but no Isaac in sight.
With no warning, the man out of nothing appeared behind Rian's seat. Rian turned and his face began to lose color. He couldn't believe whether or not the man had just disappeared and reappeared. Eyes wide open, Rian awaited an answer.
"Can you believe that boy! Can you believe what had just happened!" Isaac cheerfully asked.
Rian kept quiet due to the shock and silently nodded no. Rian was so intrigued and could not wait to know exactly what happened or better, how to do it himself. Questions began to race through the boy's mind.
Was it an illusion? Was it a dream? Did he vanish and reappear?
Isaac continued to stare at the boy admiring himself. The room was still besides the dust that had been stirred up. The candle light had been blown out and it's embers were the only thing to aid in their vision. Isaac looked at the shadowed silhouette before speaking.
"Can you see me boy?" Isaac had questioned.
Rian knew the man had something else up his sleeve. After what he had just saw there was no telling what power that book held. Rian gazed back at the shadowed man towering over him. The smell of burnt wick was filling the boy's nostrils. The gray smoke whipped off of the candle top in front of Rian's face. The boy was eager to see the next 'magic trick' Isaac had in store.
"Sure can't" Rian mockingly replied.
"Lo' Dorient'!" The armored man shouted.
A dim light was shimmering on his right gauntlet. As moments passed, the other gauntlet began to spark as well. After a few seconds both of Isaac's gauntlets had become entirely enflamed with burning flames. The flames that covered his hands had a golden core at the base of the flames. It seemed as if they were being generated by a holy light, just as the vanishing. Rian watched as the light quickly lit Isaac's face and it swept across the room as well. The shocked boy turned and took in the room he was in. The room had turned out to be massive, with leather backed couches and various colored rugs. The common place had now been entirely lit. The boy couldn't believe that such small lights had so much power.
"Sir, you have got to tell me these tricks!" Rian joyfully yelled.
Isaac laughed in response to Rian's statement. As he waved his hands around, the illuminating light traced behind his palms. The humorous grin was in plain sight to the boy.
"It is no trickery, these are not illusions. I did not vanish, I gained remarkable speed. My gauntlets are lit with a holy infused burning flame. You will learn these over time. The language that you do not understand is written in a long past time of our ancestors. You over time will learn words and strengthen your vocabulary" Isaac strictly stated.
The two once more were seated in the chairs. Rian had begun flipping the pages, only because Isaac didn't want to burn them. They read a few more prayers, and the boy saw the prayer abilities put into action.
Astounded and stunned, Rian held the highest interest. He couldn't ask for anything more than to behold those powers. He knew they would only come in time. By now, the dust had settled and the room returned to its calm state. The boy looked around and replayed the recent scenes in his mind.
"Now, it is late. Run along to your sleeping quarters and get rested up. We have a big day ahead of us." Isaac said as he rose from his chair, diminishing the holy flames and watched as the room fell to darkness.
Rian rose from his chair and made his way to the exit. He happily strode down the halls back to his sleeping quarters. His warm soft blankets and that fluffy cushioned mattress were all that was on the boy's mind. He was so excited and anxious for the new day to begin. He couldn't wait to see what Isaac had in store for his apprentice. Rian softly lied his head down onto the white pillow. He began to consciously think about training with Isaac and gaining power. Soon after lying down, the boy dozed off and once again began to dream of victorious battles, and becoming a hero.
As the night went on, the moon faded into the sky and the stars hid behind clouds. The sun slowly crept over the horizon, filling the boy's room. The halls came alive as the aeromancers rushed them, preparing for the day of training.
"Stand at attention!" Isaac yelled from the door of Rian's bedroom.
The boy quickly rose from his deep sleep and shot out of bed, eyes still half opened. He rushed to pat his hair down and wipe the tired look from his eyes.
"Yes sir!" the tired cadet cried back.
The sun was bright and the skies were clear. The two made their way to the courtyard, watching as the elders prepared a new station. The men were setting up barricades and obstacles along the lush green grass. The sun continued to cast burning bright rays onto the workers as they readied the playing field. Hoops and bars sat aligned for the boy as the working men finish the last touch.
"All ready!" an aeromancer announced to the waiting Isaac.
The armored instructor turned to Rian and pointed to his large white wings. He fumbled with the long thick feathers and ran his finger down the long length of one of the wings.
"Today is the day you train with these!" Isaac said, as he kept his hand rested on one of the boy's wings. "You will learn how to maneuver with these and you will learn to control them. Now, although we may not know how to fly with those, you have a general idea, you are simply going to master the skill." The armored man said with a positive tone to his words.
"Well, don't expect to much out of me, I have only flown with them once." Rian said, with a sense of uncertainty.
The aeromancers gazed at each other. How could a soldier sent from God be so underlying to his very own body. Nervousness swept across the courtyard and into the hearts of every man present. This was there answer, this boy was set out to be their hero. Yet, he does not even know how to control all of his body.
"Well, stand over on that X. The object is to fly and maneuver through the barricades gracefully, without slamming into one. Start when you are ready." Isaac commanded.
Rian gave one gust of his wings and he was now hovering a few feet above the turf. He looked around at the audience, he did not want to let them down but needed time to perfect his wings. As the boy exhaled deeply, he finished his breath with "well, here I go!" As he shot forward towards the first hoop, gliding in the free air the boy occasionally veered off course.
As the winged boy neared the first hoop he took in a deep breath, holding it in anticipation. The boy was now arms length from the circular object. The boy tucked his wings in tight against his damp sweat coated back. A cool rush of wind grazed Rian's cheek as he shot through the hoop, clearing it entirely. Arms raised high into the air, the boy cheered. He yelled out in joy, disregarding the fact that there were more obstacles. Rian pumped his balled fists high and low in celebration, still gliding forward.
As the boy continued his flying pace forward towards the next obstacle, the on-watchers covered their mouth in fear. Eyes wide and faces pale the aeromancers yelled out a warning.
"Watch out!" One aeromancer shouted.
"Your going to hit that barrel!" Another announced.
It was to late, Rian collided with the round rim of the barrel and came tumbling down to land. The pain shot from his spin to his wings as well as his ribcage. The pain was annoying more than anything; just a sharp tingle in his side made the day that much better. The boy lied atop the grassy plane, holding his side quietly.
"You ok boy!" Isaac shouted from across the courtyard.
"Y-yeah...Just a little ding, its n-nothing." Rian scrambled to get out his words.
Isaac gave the gesture and the aeromancers rushed over to aid the winged boy back to his feet. Rian was covered in dirt and gravel, green tints of grass stains splotched across his figure. The aeromancers responded quickly, they gathered around in a circle and grabbed hold of each others hand. They started to hum words in sync with each other.
"Eil' Nast Veroon, Das Na'blegen E'trus!" they together commanded.
These words sounded familiar to the harmed boy. These were the exact words he read at the altar. Sure enough, droplets of water suddenly fell from the clouds. The rain grew harder, as bolts of lightening danced throughout the skies. The clouds quickly grouped to shade people and darken the day.
"You call yourself an angel?!" Isaac sarcastically shouted.
I would like to see you try.... Lets see you rise up with your wings... Rian thought to himself, returning the ridicule.
"So be it, back up to your feet and try again!" Isaac ordered.
Leave me alone! The boy thought without taking a moment to think.
The aeromancers made a halting gesture with their hands and the rain had ceased. The skies opened up and the sun found its place in the skies. The clouds whitened out and the courtyard was lit once more. The steel benches and tables cornered the boy and his obstacles course. The aeromancers and Isaac stood awaiting his next attempt. Once helping him to his feet, they stood back with eyes locked on every step Rian took. They did not want to let their hero get harmed, they didn't want our hero to try and escape.
"Here! Does this make you happy!" Rian yelled in anger as he took flight once more. He stared at the barrel in disgust. If it wasn't for that damned piece of wood, the boy would not be soaking wet. If it wasn't for this dumb course the boy could be resting.
Aside from all of his thoughts, Rian focused once again. He tamed the barrel with his eyes before taking action. He soared towards the barrel and with no stop made it through. Isaac watched as the wooden panels wrapped around the boy like a canister. Once out Rian readied himself for the next object. This time, he was faced with a swinging blade. Back and forth, left and right the blade swung. Rian braced himself and timed it perfectly, as he gracefully flew through the obstacle he watched as the blade came close to amputating his dangling toes.
It was at this time that Rian took a moment to pause. He turned and looked down in Isaac. A powerful "come-back" attitude filled the boy. The aeromancers all smiled in approval, but Isaac was not. Isaac had a smirk as if he was not pleased. The armored land-bound man cupped his hands around his mouth, amplifying his voice.
"You did it, but that wasn't anything. I bet we could easily arrange something you would have no chance completing. That was simply level one of many. Maybe it is time you try something worth even noting." Isaac said with a hint of jealousy to his voice.
The aeromancers turned to the instructor in confusion. The boy had just completed the test and Isaac seemed the slightest happy. They did not understand why he had the facial expression that he did. They seemed to be lost when the wondered why he used those choice words on the boy instead of gratifying and encouraging him. They all had assumed Isaac wanted to ready Rian for battle, not tear his shatter his hopes.
The sky was dimming as the sun fell below the horizon. The courtyards steel tables and chairs were beginning to hide within the shadows. The stone blocks that constructed the sidewalk were vanishing in the dark, dusk was upon the people of the town.
"Very well, it is getting dark. Gather your belongings and we will return indoors." Isaac sighed.
Rian gathered and shuffled his things into a bunch and hurried down the walkway leading to the decorative door. As the boy passed Isaac he heard the warrior mumble something under his breath.
"Scrub." Isaac murmured.
Ignoring the rude comment he heard from the instructor, Rian made his way through the halls to rest his body for the night. His side was still sore and a red tint was plastered atop his skin. The aching continued with a constant pace. The rattling of his damaged rib cage and the dark bruises made the boy cringe as he slouched through the church. Dragging his legs and sliding his feet slowly, Rian made it to his bed. The sight of the soft clean white sheets and the fluffed out pillow made the kid feel at home. The bed as a whole was welcoming, and the moonlight hit the sheets just right to make them glisten.
Rian lied down and stared at the ceiling above. He began to think of why Isaac would make such a rude comment. He thought to himself why the older men didn't stand up for him. He thought Isaac was a friend that was lending out a helping hand. Rian set his thoughts aside and closed his eyes.
The next morning the boy had woken himself up. There was no aeromancer awaiting him at the doorstep, there was no planned schedule. Confused, the boy stumbled into the dining room attempting to look alive.
"Good morning gentlemen" Rian called out.
The aeromancers were huddled around a large round wooden table. They were all feasting on a morning meal. Their breakfast consisted of eggs, lamb chops and rice. They munched and nibbled until their peripherals caught site of a sleep delirious child.
"Oh what a pleasant surprise! Good morning to you too!" an aeromancer responded.
"Where is Isaac?" Rian inquired.
The men all quieted down. They turned to look into each others eyes, not making a sound. The room was dead and Rian stood waiting for an answer. One man stood from his chair and walked over to the door where the boy was standing.
"Rian, Isaac is out in the fields with the other soldiers. He wished for you to join them once you had awaken." The elder whispered.
Nodding, the boy trotted past the table to the door facing across the room. The sunlight was cracking through the window slits. It was a bright day with clear sunny blue skies. The heat was unbearable as if the sky was on fire. Rian cuffed his hand over his brow, shading the sunlight from his eyes. The boy noticed Isaac standing in front of twenty or so soldiers. They seemed fresh out of the house with no sense of combat. They all were dressed in the same garments, a white shirt and brown shredded shorts. All of the young men were barefoot as well. Rian laughed at the repetition and hurried down into the open field.
The flowered meadows lined the grassy field as if closing it in with walls. The sun baked the dry grass to the durability of a piece of straw. The day was hot and humid. Sweat drooled down Rian's forehead and evaporated before attacking his eyes. The kid soldiers stood at attention all in formal rows and lines. All feet were together, all chins were raised high. Rian could hear Isaac yelling out commands right in front of their faces.
"Everyone run laps until I say stop! Don't hesitate! Get moving!" Isaac shouted.
Rian never understood what gave Isaac the right to yell those commands, he never took part in any of them. Isaac would say the smoothest things in the most hostile way. The boy always would say that Isaac never needed to yell. Isaac stood idle as the hard-working men ran around and around. The wind was dead, no breeze cooled the soldier's bodies.
Once Rian had arrived into the grass, Isaac targeted him. He extended an arm, and then a finger and began to beckon the boy over. Rian picked up his pace and hurried over to the man.
"Yes sir?" Rian asked.
"Fly your laps, they have legs and you have wings. Now, begone." the armored man asked. Rian took flight and began heading down a side of the field. The turns were sharp and hard to make. Every turn was a struggle and made the boy come off track over the meadows. The soldiers slowed their run to turn back and watch the soaring figure gaining speed while flying out of control. Rian was nothing to be jealous over, he had wings but he didn't know how to use them.
The boys gathered speed, trying to stay ahead of Rian. They didn't want him to the show them up more than he already had. Isaac urged the boys on, rooting for them to lap the winged child. The smell of jealousy filled the air.
Rian glanced at the running boys as they peddled forward trying to catch the drift off of Rian's wings. The wind swept across the boy's face, drying the beads of sweat.
"Everyone, here now!" Isaac shouted.
The soldiers in training responded and hurried over in front of the armored teacher. Rian scanned the nearby faces in hopes of seeing a familiar face. None of the boys looked close to any face Rian had seen, they all were tan with jet black hair and fire tinted eyes. They looked like demons to the boy, with there jealous smirks and pursed lips.
"You have done good training on this day, now depart for I will see you at sunrise tomorrow." Isaac ordered.
The boys all grabbed their belongings and scurried off from the man. A young boy with long black hair was passing Rian, when he shouldered him saying, "take your heaven non-sense elsewhere" Rian shrugged in confusion as he massaged his shoulder blade in hopes of curing the annoying sting.
Isaac quickly paced behind the boys and as he neared Rian's back he bluntly lightly nudged the back of the boy's head with his fist.
"Stupid boy, you don't deserve those things." Isaac scruffed as he strolled past Rian making eye contact with him along the way.
"Why does he hate me? What am I doing wrong? I thought I was here to aid and fight along side these people. What is going on?" Rian questioned himself as he walked back to the gates alone.
As the boy neared the gates his nerves began to calm. Rian's face started to relieve itself from the drops of sweat. The sun was setting and the cold winds picked up. Rians hairs stood up on his arm and he began to shiver. Pacing himself, Rian was now almost to the gates. He grasped hold of the ice cold handle and turned it to peel open to door to warmth.
"In bed now!" A shadowed man yelled as the door opened.
Rian opened the door only to see Isaac for the first time dressed in casual clothing. The man simply had a shirt and shorts and was barefoot. His feet were worn and dirty. The lengthy dark hairs curled together atop each and every toe. He still smelled of rust and sweat.
"Alright.." Rian mumbled as he made way to the dorm room.
Rian could not understand why Isaac's attitude toward the boy took a turn. He was clueless as to why he was being treated differently than the other recruits. As Rian walked down the corridor he turned and stared into the man's eyes. Isaac had a devious look on his face, one that made Rian nervous. What did the man have planned, what did Isaac want from the boy?
At last, the boy opened to door to his cozy, clean room. As he walked in, the door was left slung open. The moonlight was glistening through the stained glass and the floor displayed different shadowed shapes. This is where the boy would rest his body and mind for another painful day.
The boy spotted his bed and undressed to crawl under the covers. His eyes sank and his mind began to wander. He thought of what the future held, and who he would turn out to become. Rian finally dozed off into a deep slumber and began to dream. Only, this time he was not a fearless warrior leading an army into battle, he was not a paladin of light with holy spells, he wasn't anything. He couldn't pinpoint where he was in this dream. His mind began to race through mental images of different everyday people, none dressed in plated armor, none wielding spells. Just an average person, living an average life. The boy continued to dream until his sleep was interrupted by a slamming sound. The door seemed to have flung open and crashed into the wall hiding behind it.
"Tonight, is not your night" a silhouette whispered as he crept closer. "You will not steal from me what I have worked so hard for just because you got some wings!" The figure began to slightly raise his voice. As the man neared the bed he grabbed hold of the side of the mattress and leaned in face to face with Rian "and I will be damned if you make it to training tomorrow." The figured mumbled with a cocky tone to his voice. The moonlight lit his features only to show that it was Isaac!
"What are you doing!" Rian cried.
"You are stealing my fame and the town's talk is all of a boy with angel wings, well not anymore!" Isaac yelled with a devilish crazed grin on his face.
"Elders! Elders! Come!" Rian shouted for the aeromancers.
At this moment, a group of robed men rushed into the room. They were all hooded, covering their faces. They all had a book in hand and began to flip through the pages, humming in sync.
Isaac pulled from inside his shirt, the very same book Rian saw when he first arrived. The golden edged pages were all sealed tight with a steel binding. The man shuffled through the pages before landing on a certain phrase. Isaac turned to the aeromancers and nodded.
The aeromancers raised their free arms high into the sky and began a verse, as Isaac held the boy down to his mattress.
"Ve'la tu nas dom!
Ve'la tu nas dom!
Ve'la tu nas dom!
Ve'la tu nas dom!
Ve'la tu nas dom!" The aeromancers continued to murmur.
At that last word, Isaac pushed Rian off of the bed and a fierce bolt of lighting shot down from the sky, the bolt seared through the rood and directly into the heart of the boy. He fell to the ground, twitching in shock. Isaac smiled in approval.
"Now, one last thing." Isaac walked over to the struck body.
"Tai hatan delietous, and may you rest in peace." Isaac whispered in the boy's ear as he vigorously hovered his hand over the boy's head, shaking with power.
A clear, see through light began to crawl out of the boy's forehead. The light began to mold into a person. The figured more and more resembled Rian's exact features. It was Rian's spirit! The spirit of the boy climbed out quicker and quicker, until it was completely midair.
"Nothing but a wandering soul" an elder spoke up from the background.
The body of the boy had died but his spirit kept on. The no longer tangible Rian floated higher and higher until vanishing out the hole where the lightning recently struck.
"Indeed, nothing more than a wandering soul." Isaac agreed conclusively.
(((( I was advised to not make a generic paladin last thread so I decided change it up. =]]
Spoils: Rian has died and is now a wandering spirit, a transparent figure that floats aimlessly through the skies. after all of the thoughts of who exactly he wanted to become in the future, the spirit wanders in search of who he wishes to become.
New ability:
The spirit now has the ability to take residency of another persons body by entering their body, into their mind. He can only take control of a normal persons body, who at the most will be trained in some sort of minor weapon skill. They will be at the same power Rian was when he was alive. The spirit has the ability to remain in a body as long as he wishes. Lastly, because this is new to him he still can not fully take physical and mental control over another, therefore over a persons body, he as around 70% control and the owner of the body has 30%.
^This will not be overpowered, I just have a lot planned with another person and with this happening, it will make more sense as to how they meet. =] Thanks!))
Well, here we are once more. I’ve judged it with the last thread kept in mind, to try and give you a sense of how you’ve improved, if at all, since then. If you’ve any questions afterwards, please feel free to contact me in the usual manner, so good luck!
Story:
Continuity - 5, relatively easy to follow the progression in state. The attitudes of the characters change, and Rian’s desperation grows, alike his fervent dedication to god, only way is up from here sir!
Setting - 5, a little improvement here, with the aeromancer’s citadel coming to life a little more competently. Still plenty of room for improvement however, although it was covered nicely, you can add the other senses to the story. Can Rian smell the ancient stone, the sweat, the fear in the air? Can you hear distant sounds, footsteps, wing beats, distant chattering or chanting.
Pacing - 5, although everything flows relatively well and I didn’t have to re-read to check where I was in the story, there’s some quick sections and slow, which is not necessarily wrong, but I felt a slower build up followed by the action and training scenes would have worked to your advantage in keeping suspense than the other way around. The ending is nice, and certainly not what I was expecting, so the pacing works, but could use a little tightening. Higher score here for listening to commentary and working on it.
Character:
Dialogue - 5, you’ve tried placing non-standard language in your speech, which is a good move towards improvement, but it’s still at the same level as your previous post. There is improvement here, but not a rise in score as there were no hints at what the language meant. Adding OOC tags at the end of each post with translations would go a long way to raising this to a 6, if you implement the technique/mechanics suggestions below. It’s so close to improving, so persevere!
Action - 6, plenty here and not of a typical hack and slash sort. The training idea is nice, well implemented and paced enough to keep the reader reading to see what happens next.
Persona - 5,
Writing:
Technique - 3, grammatical errors once more, combined with rapid transition between short simple sentences and compound descriptions shows an attempt at tightening up your form but it’s been overly tightened. Improving your word base and reading the work aloud to see if it jars or if there’s lots of harsh stops should help you see where you can make it more fluidic. Don’t over abuse commas in response though.
Mechanics - 5, you use a heavily religious and light based lexical set throughout, (groupings of similar words, such as gold, light, religion, book, prayer, pedastel etc). Whilst it shows promise that you understand your character and have started to use words to highlight his background, setting and thoughts, you’ve overused several words and the repetition detracts from what I can see to be an improved level of writing. Asides from the grammatical mistakes once more (easily remedied by proof-reading, although I’m not one to talk much!) this is much more polished and commendations are called for. If you get spare time, look up more archaic or appropriate and different words for the same things; radiant, luminescence, azure, glimmering, glean, to name but a few suggestions you could bring into your writing.
Clarity - 6, nothing was dumbfounding, nor did I have to re-read (except to work out grammar suggestions or the like) so nicely done, you can still improve further by taking note of the dialogue suggestions above, and lengthening some of the short section transitions, instead of just POP! He’s there. Even simple descriptive sentences of him walking through empty and grand corridors to join each part up (whilst not required, it’d help) would help this improve to a 7 in no time at all.
Wild Card: 6
Bonus points for the little prayer and for having the galls to re-invent your character continuously, a death bonus if you like. There is still a good way to go, and I’ve judged this in comparison to your previous work, to give you a better idea of how you’re progressing instead of basing it afresh each time. A writer only can improve if he knows how to do so or how he’s changing in time, so I hope it was of help. Any help with improving work in general, hit me a pm!
Total Score: 51/100
Rian gained 648 xp!
Rian gained 90 gold. (Given that you're dead, and ghosts can't carry things; dont' be spending it too quickly, lol.)
---
Spoils:
This is a difficult request. I will allow it with restrictions: you need the permission of any PCS you get involved with in future threads before you use it. Your characters must virtually be skill clones of Rian, with the exception of the wings, in order for it to be ‘power right.’ So the same sword techniques/same skills etc. The only difference of course will be physically, so remember to allow for that. Don’t go for young, fit, muscular men all the time! I’ll keep an eye out for how you play this, if you can pull of the internal conflict between Rian’s spirit and the original host well, I may allow it to gain power or request you find a permanent solution to his current state of unlife. Consider your thread you’ve planned with Kade as a trial run, and then take it from there.
Taskmienster
09-16-09, 09:41 AM
Exp and GP added!
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